Tuesday, August 3, 2010

A Seedy Celebration

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

It's National Watermelon Day.

FINALLY.

And you know what that means, right?

Time to buy a cake.


Do those look like minnows? Just a tad, Pole.

(No, I've never met anyone named "Pole" before, either. But - BUT - John is Polish. So...um...maybe I sometimes affectionately refer to him as "Pole," ok? You don't know. Look, bottom line: just WORK WITH THE PUN, people, ok? Work...with the pun.)


So, how can YOU celebrate National Watermelon Day?

With healthy stuff, of course!


You know, like oil-soaked Cheetos:

Erm. Wrong oil.


Or a traditional "ICU" Melon:

Don't make me call Gallagher, punk.

Or perhaps some exotic plant life:

"FEED ME, SEYMOUR!"


Or, um, vampire ants?

"Vlad! Mortimor! Pull out! Ve've sucked 'er dry!



Teresa, Emily B., Beth, Missy M., & Erica H., I think I'm going to need a "Beware Mortimor the Vampire Ant" t-shirt. Can any of you do something about that?

>:= <--That's my vampire ant emoticon. You like?

Gina said...

So, first of all, that juicy looking one really DOES look just like Audrey II! Crazy...

Also, "Pole" could be a last name, yeah? Like in the Chronicles of Narnia, Jill goes by her last name, Pole almost the whole time.

Donna said...

Hahaha!!! Gallagher!

(but the "ants" look more like leeches on the "oily" melon) *shudder*

Trevor said...

Ewwww.... There's sperm on my watermelon.

Jessica @ One Shiny Star said...

Seedy... haha. I like it!

Beka C. said...

So I was going to mention Jill Pole from the Chronicles of Narnia, but Gina got there first. :<

stuckinmypedals said...

That ICU watermelon is freaking me out. It's eyes follow me wherever I am in the room. Yikes!

Mike said...

Ooh! I can make you a shirt like that! Or you can make one for yourself...
http://spreadshirt.com

Connie Moreno said...

LOL, love that last one!

Fluffy Cow said...

*seconds Gina's Narnia vote*

And I love the emoticon.

Mim said...

Those are not oil-soaked cheetos... those are clearly leaches.

Giana said...

Little Shop of Horrors! One of my all time faves! I gotta say though, that "watermelon" looks WAY scarier than Audrey II ever did!!

Caff said...

I want Crazy Lou! Bring back Crazy Lou!!!

Brandon said...

Feed me Seymour. Feed me all night lo-ong!

Hurray for Little Shop of Horrors, one of the cheesiest B-horror movies made into a hilarious musical. Adding watermelon would have indeed made it creepier.

Anonymous said...

Feed me Seymour. Best line. EVER!

Ellex said...

I'm on Team Mortimer!

Tara said...

My daughter said, "Hey! There's worms on that cake!" when she saw that second one. :)

Have any of these wreckerators actually seen a watermelon?

Isabella said...

Does the second one look like the nucleus to a cell to anyone else?

And why would anyone want to eat anything that looks like squished spiders on it?!?

Marshall Smith said...

I feel shame. Other people went to the Narnia reference with "Pole." I went to the junior-high snickering at calling your husband that...

And, btw, I love the vampire ant emoticon!

Deborah said...

Gina beat all of us...Jill Pole was my immediate thought! :)

gypsy@Hebrews11:13 said...

Read "The Silver Chair" by C.S. Lewis and you'll know who Pole is:) There really is someone of that name!!

Amanda said...

Haha, did you ever read "Bunnicula" as a child? The last cake reminds me of one of those books... "IT'S A WHITE ZUCCHINI!" Okay, you have to read it to get it, but it's a fond memory. ;)

dharmamama said...

The emoticon reminds me more of the rabbit from Monty Python's Holy Grail!

Which makes sense, because I thought the vampire ants must be working with Bunnicula!
http://www.amazon.com/Bunnicula-Rabbit-Tale-Mystery-Deborah-Howe/dp/1416928170/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1280847478&sr=1-1

jengersnap said...

Err, cake #2? The olive looking thing...you've got caterpilliars :P

Flartus said...

What about Polgara's nickname, from David Edding's Belgariad/Mallorean series? (Though I pronounce it more like "pahl" in my head...)

Reminds me of a pun on utensil I once tried, assuming there's a name "Sil" out there...

Oh, and...those cakes are wrecky. Mm-hmm.

Amanda said...

Everyone else is laughing about the ants, or Pole... but I'm still snickering at the first couple of lines. Why buy a CAKE on Watermelon Day?

Morning Glory said...

Cake #2 looks like it was decorated by my elderly cat who doesn't always make it all the way into the litter box.

GrnEyes said...

Wow, first tadpoles and then...leeches! Yes, just what I wanted on my cake! And I would SO eat that big cootie-lipped cake, a cookie is still a cookie. :) Love the Gallagher reference (whatever happened to him? He was hilarious! Someone should do a Gallagher cake!)
Hey! I'm Polish too! :)

The Boob Nazi said...

These are awesome. I love that national watermelon day is in the summer. I guess that makes sense haha. But what's more awesome is that I'm sitting on the couch next to an open window and need a blanket on national watermelon day. I love living in the northwest.

avermont said...

Pole is also a character in the Ender's Game series (I think she's featured a lot Ender's Shadow).

Hip hip for Pole!

Consultant Calamities said...

ewww, the one with the ants just really grosses me out!!!

Missy said...

Ha! I totally forgot about sending that CCC in! The weirdest thing for me is that the grocery store where I found it is no longer in business. It was an Albertson's, which went out of business here in Orlando and the buildings were bought out by Sedano's.

Anonymous said...

When I worked at a preschool in Boston I used to tell the kids stories about "Mortimor" the ugly-but-friendly troll that lived in the T...

Anonymous said...

seriously i dont think some of these people have every seen watermelon before!

Greer said...

Watch out: Your vampire emoticon is dangerously close to a Hitler emoticon.

http://www.buzzfeed.com/expresident/hitler-emoticons

-Karen

Lisa Hays said...

Love the black oil!

fowler said...

Definitely sperm on that first one!

diddleymaz said...

I was going to mention The Silver Chair, from the Narnia series but that Gina beat me to it.So I got the name of the book in!

Seungmina said...

Because my sister was sort of named after Jill Pole, Gina said what I was thinking. She's also named after Bruce Campbell, but that's another story for another time.

Catherine said...

@Amanda--YES! I immediately thought BUNNICULA! on the last one. Now I have to go buy it for my daughter....

Anonymous said...

I have to send in a 3rd or a 4th "Woot" out for Bunnicula.

Loved the vampire ant emoticon and must say that although I read The Chronicles of Narnia, Ender's Game and the Belgeriad, each with a Pole character, my mind immediately went to the gutter. Go Jen Go!

~A different Jenn in Forest Grove

Sue KuKu said...

Many years ago, my friend was in a sailboat contest. He was of Polish descent (had a great name to prove it) and had a beard.

The rules called for not using the whisker pole on the boat during the race.

Someone jokingly called out my friend's team for using a "whiskered Pole".

SueKuKu
who is a Narnian expert and loved the transformation of Jill Pole from "The Silver Chair" to "The Last Battle"

Quats said...

The ICU one looks like a whale with a really bad rash.

elh said...

I actually went to highschool with someone named "Pole" but it was spelled Pohl.

Erin - Thrift Madness said...

Okay, the little watermelon with the eyes is just freaking adorable!


(p.s. my captcha word is "bakers"... WIN!)

Queen Julian XIII said...

Little Shop of Horrors 2: Audrey II vs. Mortimer the Vampire Ant!!!

mimi said...

Hey! That last cake is repeat!

mizdarlin said...

Awwww, didn't think that bottom one was so bad..compared to the cupcake thing, it's a work of art!

Allison said...

I don't know about tadpoles on the first one but they definitely look like swimmers.

jj said...

Actually, if somebody would please call Gallagher, he'd know just what to do with these cakes...

Jason said...

Actually, compared to the others in this post, the first cake with the tadpole/sperm/minnows wasn't too horrible. I thought it at least vaguely resembled a real watermelon.

And much love to the fellow bunnicula fans. That last one definitely looks like something out of "The Celery Stalks at Midnight."

Sariah said...

I WANT a Mortimer the Vampire Ant t-shirt. And I absolutely love the emoticon. I think I"m going to use it for regular vampire stuff, though. Not a huge need for vampire ants.

gigi said...

I need a "Beware Mortimor the Vampire Ant" t-shirt as well!

;-)

frugalmom said...

how about "just a tad, Paul"?

einah said...

Does the ICU watermelon remind anyone else of Coco from Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends? http://bestuff.com/images/images_of_stuff/210x600/coco-36901.jpg?1173104840

M. Muenich said...

@:-E
This is my husband's "Elvis vampire" emoticon. Don't ask me why Elvis has three fangs... perhaps because he's the king?

Anonymous said...

yeah I'm not sure how those "seeds" on the second cake look like oily cheetos. They are definitely leaches, which is much worse.
- Syd

Tricia L said...

I've been off Cake Wrecks, cold turkey, since last Wednesday due to computer problems. Thanks for serving watermelon for my return. That is watermelon, isn't it? Isn't it?

Kim said...

me like vampire ants :-)

Juno said...

Actually, the 4th cake reminds me of those annoying plants in the Mario games that pop out of the pipes and get you just when you think it's safe.

Char said...

Beware Mortimor the Vampire Ant!!!! I would buy that shirt! You would think decorators could make a decent watermelon cake since its such a simple design.

Steph W said...

That explains why I've been craving watermelon all day! It makes so much sense that my body just knew it was National Watermelon Day. Either that or it's the fact that I'm 9 months pregnant. It has to be the Watermelon Day thing, though...

Sweetie said...

Super Ewww. The ants made my skin crawl!!

Anonymous said...

hehehehhehe good one

Anonymous said...

Aw, mitochondria cake...so cute.

shikishinobi said...

Sperm cake, goat-droppings cake, whale-melon cake, upside-down smiling watermelon cake and a picnic invasion. Well, that's what they look like. Surely a watermelon is not that hard to commit to memory? Even I know what one looks like when cut. duh!

Arlene said...

Oh my just thinking about what those "seeds" remind me of makes me want seedless watermelons from now on lol. And the vampire ants had me nearly on the floor laughing. I say nearly because if I fell to the floor in the dark I would likely stay there and not bother typing lol. The ants would get me for sure.

Craig said...

#1 Is there something in the Wreckerator Code that says that oval objects (watermelon seeds, balloons) must appear to be *swimming*?

#2 Wrong oil? The statement presumes there is a right oil for soaking Cheetos. Well, scratch those off the snack menu. Healthier eating through aversion-producing imagery -- another benefit of reading this blog.

#3 My wife-to-be is a nurse, so to me, 'ICU' automatically means, 'Intensive Care Unit'. That works here, too, for some odd reason.

Do we know what the er, 'accessories' are on #4? They appear to be dead -- I can't decide if that helps or not. Continuing the theme...

#5 Of all the ways to flotsamize a wreck, why ants? Are poo blobs not enough anymore? Is it already time for the gross-out Olympics again?

wv: emonw. A bonus anagram!

Craig said...

Update on #2: The label reads in part: "Choc. Devil Food".

Knowing the intended recipient helps make some sense of it.

Does "devil food" (or "devil's food" as it used to be known before apostrophes were banned in bakeries) come in a variety of flavors, or did the wreckery match a lack of knowledge of watermelon with a gift for redundancy?

BADKarma! said...

The second-to-last one is clearly a rare, Northern South Amsterdamian Venus Watermelon Fly-trap. Those poor ants are about to be lured to their doom. DOOM, I TELL YOU... DOOOOOOOOMMMMMM. (Doomity, doom, DOOM-doom, doom, doom).

Christina said...

I just wanted to thank you for providing me (and my friends) with hours and hours of amusement with this blog. :)

Charly said...

"FEED ME, SEYMOUR!"

Oh how I laughed and laughed!

Can't See Sheep said...

And here I thought leeches were so 15th century, silly me.

Eyes on a watermelon, I mean we've humanized animals to death, guess we're going after the fruit next. Yes, Ice Age would be a different movie if done from that coconut's point of view, a lot more boring, long periods of laying on the ground and/or floating in water, I wonder, do sharks "taste" ocean going coconuts? But definitely would have been a different movie.

Flourishing Networks said...

sensatonal these look great love it!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Kristi Pohl said...

tee hee-our last name is Pohl and I so wanted to name our son Tad, but sadly, was voted down by the rest of the fam.

Eponita said...

Okay, if you spell it "Paule", it is a French name that is pronounced "Pole".

(P.S. I often have to reload the page a few times so that I can see the word verification... the image doesn't show up most of the time. IE 8 with Vista.)

B said...

Silly me, I ate watermelon for watermelon day (yes, I observed it -- kids with nothing to do for the summer). The one holiday that doesn't already center around eating unhealthy food, we're supposed to buy a cake for?

bookette said...

I'm sorry, maybe it's just me, but the girl in the first picture - is she an actual child? It looks like a doll. Or was the photo airbrushed? What child has skin that clean, all over? And her nail polish isn't chipped? Really?
Sorry - it's just kinda creeping me out.

~Nikki~ said...

LMAO at the seymour one. Do people really get cakes for national watermelon day? i guess so... i didn't even know such a day existed lol


check out my blog: nikkiscakery.blogspot.com

jmadison77 said...

But...but.. I've MADE a watermelon cake. It's NOT. THAT. DIFFICULT. I just don't understand how these people get jobs. If you can't execute the watermelon cake or the cheeseburger cake, you shouldn't have the job. Just sayin'.

Craig said...

@BADKarma!: Ants lured to their doom? I'm totally down with that. How's this for a concept: a 'vortex of doom' cake (one of the wreckier cornucopias should do nicely) with a line of ants marching right into it.

@Bookette, I agree.

What do people eat on National Cake Day?

ladyrazorsharp said...

Gallagher. *gigglesnort*

Debi said...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I love all of your blogs, but this one...is...the...best!!!

Brittney said...

I would buy your vampire ant t-shirt! But only if you spelled it "Mortimer," like my last name.

Teresa said...

@Bookette, yes the girl is real. She's my 4 year old and she has beautiful skin and eyes. Totally forgot I had sent this photo in, much less that she was in it. She was excited to see herself on cakewrecks!

Anonymous said...

oh god, "FEED ME SEYMOUR!" was priceless.

Kaz said...

Ah, the Little Shop of Horrors reference filled me with glee. :)