Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Fairy Tale Endings

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

WARNING: Today's post is not family friendly, on account of it being a little TOO "family friendly." IF you knowwuddamean.



Ah, children. So innocent. So sweet.

So blissfully unaware of how much their castle cakes look like a gaggle of man cannons.

I believe this is from the Netherlands. (Eh? Eh?)

Oh, oh! OR, if it were in Troy, then this would be a TROJAN castle.
(Get it? See what I did there? BOOYA.)


I'd say this customer got royally shafted:

[Zing!]

I mean, just look at that top tower: totally cockeyed!

[Pow! Zam! Whap!]


Still, this next castle cake really can't be beat:

[Sha-ZAM!]

Yep, that's some stiff competition, right there. Definitely has the upper hand.

[Rat-a-tat-tat! BzzzING! Ker-PLUEY! Eckie Eckie Eckie Eckie piTANG RoooBoing ezrowsurh]


Lauri, Lisa M., & Sarah H., they say "a man's home is his castle."

Frankly, I can't top that.

Also, 3 geek points if you correctly ID the Eckie Eckie line.

Ashley said...

Monty Python!

Anonymous said...

Monty Python, duh!

M said...

Monty Python and the Quest for the Holy Grrrrail!

Cryptid Hunter said...

MONTY PYTHON AND THE HOLY GRAIL, KNIGHTS WHO SAY (FORMERLY SAID) NI!

JW said...

Oh good lord...

Zermanator said...

Monty Python and the Holy Grail (the Knights Who Say Ni)! Nice...

Anonymous said...

The Knight Who Say NEE!
Now, Bring me a shrubbery.

Normie

dragonrose18 said...

Poor, poor, little children. They will grow up and look back on their birthday and cringe, haha.

Classic Steve said...

What a shame. The first cake would look sweet if not for the castle shapes. Or are they supposed to be mushrooms? (Was the baker on mushrooms?)

The "eckie" line is famous enough that I won't identify it directly. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to sharpen my herring.

Julia said...

Monty Python and the Holy Grail!

Nicole said...

and the holy grail...

didn't everyone memorize that back in 8th grade?

Marie said...

Today was a cracker. Thanks for the laugh.

Anonymous said...

The first cake is a bit of a stretch of the imagination, IMHO, but the second cake ?!??!! I wouldn't raised, no pun intended, all kinds of h$&@ about, and def not paid for, let alone served to a large group.

Anonymous said...

Phallic Castle Cakes: Not Just a Cock and Bull Story

Karen said...

MP Holy Grail of course - "We are the Knights who say nee" until they become the knights who say that mess :P

WV: "mount" the knight needs a new mount? The knight needs to mount a few of them there castles? uhm- there is just too much to do with that one :P

GrnEyes said...

"We are no longer the Knights who say NI!" well you know the rest. :)

Wow, those are some truly disturbing cakes. You only HOPE the children's minds haven't already been pulled into the gutter at a tender age and MAYBE they just think they're misshapen mushrooms. Reminds me of the cover art from The Little Mermaid...

Jenniffer said...

Monty Python and the Holy Grail! Oh Dennis, there's some lovely filth over here!

Roger. The Shrubber. said...

Monty Python and the Holy Grail, specifically, the Knights Who Used to Say "Ni," But Now Say, "Ecki Ecki Ecki..." etc..

Oh yes, I am a fan!

Carlie said...

Gaggle of man cannons!! Hahahahaha!

Leine said...

Give us a hard one next time! Knights who until recently said NI and now say "Ekke Ekke Ekke Ekke Ptang Zoo Boing Zow Zing!"

For extra geek points, I point out these knights also protect "peng" and "Neeeee-wom"!

I love that movie, and the cake wrecks are HILARIOUS. Silly castles...

RbeforeE said...

Ni! made my morning, thanks :)

Cath said...

WE are no longer the nights who say Nih! We are the knights who say "ekki-ekki-ekki-ta-pang!!!" Monthy Phyton, of course. If you want to pass, you must bring a shrubbery :-D

Upupaepops said...

Bring me a shrubbery...


shrubbery will yield another 17+ rated photo day

thesacredandtheprofane said...

Is it just me, or on the second cake do the ivy tendrils on the lower "towers" kind of look like veins? Which, of course, just adds to the theme, I guess.

WV: Legiteri- The bakers need some therapy to make their cakes more legiteri.

Lulu said...

Awesome post, I recognised the eckie eckie with a major facepalm but the post was especially funny :P Was in tears from your Netherlands quip xD

Jenni @ Project Cookie 365 said...

" gaggle of man cannons."
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
That is beyond funny.

I also really enjoy the comment that boasts "shrubbery will yield another 17+ rated photo day" Inspiration!

It's just a flesh wound.

Anonymous said...

Ahhhhhhhh!!!!

I'll not dignify the reference, simply ask for a shrubbery.

To hide behind from these 'man cannons'.

*snort* You've done it again.

~~Di

Must mention my wv was 'cones'... rather connective, don't you think?

Scarlotti said...

MONTY PYTHON AND THE HOLY GRAIL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jamie VanBeekum said...

Oh yeah! Laughing my head off and Geek Points too? Sa-weet! Loves me some Monty Python.

Melyssa said...

Oh Honey, You have to be a bit more archaic than that! Your fan base and Monty Python's has to be made up of at least 75% of the same people :)

Sandy in SoFla said...

Each day I look forward to my am wreck break.. today you have me in tears. Thank you.. Monty Python and the quest for the Holy Grail is one of my altime favs... Now I will have to watch it again tonight.

Sandy

Val said...

You must bring us...a SHRUBBERY

Karen @ Citrus and Candy said...

LOL LOL man cannons...

Seriously, best post ever. ROFLMAO!!!

Shauna said...

The Knights who say NI! I'm off to get a SHRUBERY!

Larissa said...

The Knights who FORMERLY said Ni, obviously!

Anonymous said...

I saw "Spamalot" in Fayetteville, Arkansas - Home of the Arkansas Razorbacks. When the Knights who say "Ni" went into their "We are now the nights who say. . ." line they added "Whoooooooooo Pig Sooie" into the mix. I don't think many things in my life will amuse me more than King Arthur calling the hogs!! The crowd went wild, it was hilarious.

DidoCarthage said...

My main objection to the first one is the colour scheme. Purple towers, orange cake, blue flowers, blech.

wv: deoutabl The puremindedness of these wreckerators is deoutabl.

mimi said...

Monty Python! (Though I actually prefer Ni!)

Anonymous said...

I need a shrubbery!

tangeria said...

oh, those glorious knights who say ... ni! that totally made my morning, and i am highly impressed, as i would have had no idea where to start spelling that.

Flartus said...

Makes me wonder how I ever looked at a castle cake withOUT falling into the gutter.

And now, I probably never will be able to anymore. Gee, thanks.

Some call me....Tim.

Rachel said...

There are even...veins...or what looks like veins, on the second one! How could they not notice???

I know I live in the gutter and all but I also know I am far from alone!

Laura said...

Monty python. :)

Love the "sound effects" during the post. hehe

HeadPickle said...

TheSacredandtheProfane, totally missed the Ivy Veins. I had to go back and look at the second cake again.

aaah monty python is a lovely break from Power Point Presentations.

Donna said...

Excuse me while I try to wipe the cherry kool-aid off of my monitor...Need to remember to not take a drink before reading...

Kelly said...

Monty Python! The Knights who say Ni!

drumnate said...

Looks like these were inspired by the Little Mermaid castle. Remember that?

Sheila said...

Are those veins on the second one??

Keeley said...

WHERE do they put silver sprinkles on man cannons? I've never been to a Chippendales show, but maybe the idea came from them? I will have nightmares from the second one, with all those black cracks/veins, and the lovely gray icing waves at the base.

"You don't become a king just because some watery tart lobbed a sword at you. That's no basis for a system of government. Help! help! I'm being repressed!"

Jan said...

"eckie eckie ecki" -- spake by the Knights who say Ni, in Monty Python & the Holy Grail! Awesome!

Anonymous said...

I can't help but think of the cookies in "Death to Smoochy"

Laura said...

Some of those must have been intentional, dontcha think?

Many of your readers are forgetting that they are "now no longer The Nights Who Say Ni!"

Now I'm gonna *have* to watch all the clips on YouTube. Thanks for wasting 2 hours of my morning...

Roger the Shrubber said...

Perhaps if we build a large wooden badger?

Margie said...

Monty Python and Holy Grail, the Knights Who say Ni!

ev said...

I don't believe we have any thing like that here in Troy.

EG said...

This post has clarified for me just how many bad cakes are out there in the world. I mean, if you have a whole category of "castle cakes that look like penises," that really says something.

Anonymous said...

seriously, can you make a shirt with a picture of that cake on it and under neat that "gaggle of man cannons?"

because i'll totally buy it.

Maru said...

It gives an all new meaning to "go eat a dick."

Gerald B. said...

No thanks, we already got one.

Chava Malka Cooper said...

the line is from the knights who say ni, except they don't say ni anymore

monty python and the holy grail

Brooke said...

Perhaps these wreckorators need to spend some more time focusing on scientific deduction whereupon they will discover that the actual answer is 'duck' and not *ahem* well, you know.

Halesbales said...

Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.

Pilgrim said...

geesh...get your mind out of the gutter :-P

Pilgrim said...

oh and thanks for all the comments, now I'm gonna have all the Holy Grail movie going through my head ALL.DAY.LONG.


i'm not dead yet....
i'm getting betta!!!!...

:banghead

ladyrazorsharp said...

Oh, dear. Just...*shakes head*

(ha, when I read 'eckie eckie' I thought, "hmmm, I've heard that before" but I couldn't place it!)

L.B. said...

Ni Ni Ni Ni Ni! Now we need to find some shrubbery for those castles!

Late said...

Monty Python and the Holy Grail, girl! SHRUBBERY!!!

Anonymous said...

The thing about these cakes for blissfully unaware children is that someday they WILL be aware. For example, today little Madysyyn is being served a purple gaggle of man cannons for her princess-themed 4th birthday party. Fast forward twenty years... she's going through family photos. Perhaps she's helping her mom sort through some of the accumulated clutter in her house. Perhaps her serious boyfriend is interested in seeing some photos of her childhood. Suddenly she stumbles upon a picture of herself smiling behind a gaggle of purple man cannons.

Safe to say the therapy bills, already high from being named "Madysyyn" will only trend upward. And that all future bachelorette parties she attends only serve as painful, painful reminders of this... incident.

Poor Madysyyn.

--kate

Single Dad Laughing said...

Oh my gosh, it's like looking at the cover of Little Mermaid all over again!

Single Dad Laughing

morriganscrow said...

I think most, if not all, of those cakes would benefit greatly from the application of a Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch ... EACH.

Pamela said...

I would think only the adults would see the "Men cannons" as children would have not seen anything like that yet. A lot of giggling going on by the growups at those parties. To-day a lot of the post made me laugh as will as your quips. Love this site.

Anonymous said...

Thank you so much for the great laugh this morning. I really needed this today! Your blog is the best!

Juno said...

Ack! Monty Python! I almost fell over from laughing when I read that!

sarah said...

Monty Python & the Holy Grail!

bassbone said...

We are no longer the knights who say "Ni"!

Sigrún Dóra said...

I Love you for the Monty Python line - such a great line :D

Heather said...

Wow, from the thumbnail of the first one, I thought it had Diva Cups on the top!

AmyB said...

Ah, penis puns. That's why we love you.

Skulda said...

If you don't know that that quote is from Monty Python, you don't deserve the air you breathe!

forkedroadblog said...

Ah, the whimsy of childhood!

I still remember when I had a phallus, err...I mean, palace playset of my own.

Anonymous said...

Now, you get some serious props for also wedging in a "knowwhaddumean" comment in there as well. Wink, wink, nudge nudge.

I have to agree with the diva cup comment though... Icing can just be so hard to get the tip to come out right...

~Jenn in Forest Grove

shorty said...

Monty Python and the Holy Grail (The knights who until recently said Ni!)

Danae said...

unfortunately, I can spot a Monty Python quote from a mile away... ah, my wasted youth! ("AAAHH! I said 'it' ")

Lisa said...

Gaggle of Man Cannons. All I could think was "pity they fire their balls off early and leave a big mess."

And in a strange twist of irony, my word verification is "conic."

fluid-static said...

WE ARE NO LONGER THE KNIGHTS WHO SAY NII! You must cut down the tallest tree in the forest wiiiiiiith... a herring!!!

also, hehehe cockeyed hehehe

WV: unsmus. Unsmus always watch out for excessively "family friendly" wrecks.

John said...

*snort* I love the fact that the first...um..."castle" has obviously been to the local Planned Castlehood. There'll only be a 2% chance of the pitter-patter of little minarets coming from that kingdom, or at least that'll be the case if they roll them down the rest of the way...

Aliza said...

I liked Kate's comment about "Madysyyn"!! Yeah, I can see children thinking the cake's a Disney-esque castle, while the grown-ups snicker away (enough to give a child a complex!). Then one day, the photos from the birthday will be a source of embarrassment. Perhaps part of the photo montage at her wedding? Life-long best friend tormenting her at her bridal shower?

But that first one... bad enough it looks like "man cannons". But purple, orange, blue, with silver sprinkles-- colour-blinded, clearly. (what, the cannons were soooo happy to be featured on Cake Wrecks they got excited and sprinkled themselves?!). (Note that you've got my mind now in the gutter!!).

Love the veins on the tilted pink-topped, round-tipped castle. Seriously, the wreckerator was so... innocent... they didn't realize what this looked like?

Audra,Tony,and Erinn said...

Monty Python and the sear for the Holy Grail!.......NI!

Anonymous said...

What about, "Biggus Dickus."

aprilstarchild said...

*collects her three geek points*

Ashley said...

We are the knights who say.... NI!

Terri said...

So BAD!!!

Luka said...

Its from TEH KNIGHTS WHO SAY NI!
from Monty Python

Anonymous said...

Thank YOU so much. I laughed so hard at this post I had to stop reading and breathe. So rich with double meanings...I lost it on man cannons.

Had thought once about getting a castle cake kit...not now....

Joanie

Just A Midwife said...

Oh, c'mon, make it tougher! We are The Knights Who No Longer Say "NI!"

Chris Cammers said...

phew! I had a hard time fitting this one in.

Claire :) said...

The knights who formally said "Ni"

Angela said...

Somebody take Jen's keyboard away from her....She's going to pun us all to death....

Anonymous said...

Those look an awful lot like VEINS on the "towers" of the white castle with the pink "roofs"...

TurnToTheLeft said...

My high school is the Wilson Trojans :( the jokes never end about it.
Seriously, I feel like some of those were done on purpose :P

Wolvie Girl said...

I loved the gaggle of man cannons from the Netherlands. Oh and you said 'it' in the post - twice. I counted. I think somewhere the Knights who no longer say "Ni" are cringing in horror.

TwilightTwins2 said...

Eeeeeeeeewww! The vines in the 2nd one look like veins!

Tiffiny Felix said...

OMG!! These are too funny! I wonder if there was a point where the bakers could see what was happening but it was too late to turn back. Now I need to go look at the pictures of my gingerbread castle and see if I accidently made some..you know...parts... Hahaha!! :)

Nicole said...

Nice! Actually laughed out loud at this one:)

Ingeborg said...

Hhaha doubled over laughing at the eckie eckie referance. LOVE IT XD

Also, that second castle is...uh...is...uh. Yeah, I'll just leave it that that.

ehudwill said...

This is from Monty Python and the Holy Grail right after King Arthur and Sir Didimore (did I spell his name right?) bring a shrubbery to the Knights who say Ni. The knights then announce that they no longer say ni but rather a new phrase, "Rat-a-tat-tat! BzzzING! Ker-PLUEY! Eckie Eckie Eckie Eckie piTANG RoooBoing ezrowsurh"

Anonymous said...

Like some others here, I was also hoping to keep thinking about mushrooms. Really, uh, wrong mushrooms.

Anonymous said...

Ni!

S said...

Does the answer of "my husband's text message ring tone" count? (aka, that one sound from Monty Python). Gonna have to send this one on to him to read!

pmerry said...

This is why you use ice cream cones for tower toppers.

Becky said...

"We want....a SHRUBBERY!" LOVE that movie. Monty Python cracks me up!

Anwesha said...

the second one is anything but unintentional :-S

Dweezal said...

I think I need to go watch Monty Python. LIKE RIGHT NOW. XD

Anonymous said...

Those are pretty hardcore wrecks ;)

I request a recording of you doing the sound effects :)

jennl777 said...

I love you. But sometimes you just scare the crap out of me.

Sami said...

Monty Python and the Holy Grail! BAM!

Anonymous said...

Monty Python and the Holy Grail! Specifically, the Knights who formally said Ni!

C'mon Jenn... at least make it a *little* challenging!! ;)

Ramona said...

MONTY PYTHON!

KritterBugg said...

Oh GOSH! I sat here LOL'ing even louder with each comment I read! This was hilarious!

DK@ http://sweetsbyd.blogspot.com/

Anonymous said...

Twas the knights who say ni!

BellaMoccia said...

neeeeeeeeee--wom

Notebookinhand said...

*winces* I think people should only ask experienced cake makers to make turrets. I couldn't do much better than these!

Kelly said...

WOW.

Anonymous said...

Oh dear lord, sometimes it pays to be oblivious ;)

Anonymous said...

Does this change the pronunciation of the "a" in cake to sound like "ah"?

/Cream filled?

shikishinobi said...

I lvoe fairytales, despite their continuous repedativeness. Anyway, If I got handed a phalic castle like that, I'd wonder what else I was getting for my birthday. As a gay man, I might enjoy it.
Moreover, I'd prefer that if you are going to make a castle cake, I'd like my wreckorater to remember that bricks aren't rount, they're square. DUH!

Anonymous said...

Cake #3.. It's a... it's a ... a.... ROCKET SHIP! It's a rocket ship!

Anonymous said...

No comment, just WV:
shallyp
"Shallyp?"
"P'raps later."

Anonymous said...

They all seem to be circumcised also.

DangGina said...

Wow...it's been a while since I stopped by. I sure did choose a terrific day to come back eh?

Yuck...

Arlene said...

Oh where do I even begin.. dare I even comment on the one that leans? Or should I just leave my mind in the gutter lol. Some wreckerators just have to have dirty minds to put these on peoples cakes. I just wonder sometimes if they take evil pleasure in knowing someone will comment that they look like genitalia and are probably in back of the bakery laughing like hyenas.. I know I would be lol.

Jenna said...

eckie eckie! knights who formerly said ni!


.... yes, i know it's already answered. but i DID pick it up immediately.

the phallic posts always make me laugh hard enough to spew liquids out my nose.

Martha said...

The Netherlands line had me cracking up all evening! Thank you!

Lyndsay said...

I think the first two are possibly mushrooms. Definitely the second. Horribly wrong mushrooms. Oh my.

Melanie said...

Oh no! Glitter! The herpes of the craft world! On edible phallic symbols! NOOOOOO!!!!!

Craig said...

[blink]

Suddenly, the Fireman Cake seems a pinnacle of propriety...

I wonder what the music at poor Madysyyn's party sounded like. The 1812 Overture, perhaps? Never mind. (I predict that by her 5th birthday, she will be beyond tired of hearing "Can I buy a vowel?")

If I'm ever forced to order a child's birthday cake (as opposed to having it made by someone I trust), I think I'll casually drop the letter sequence 'CPS' into the conversation, just to gauge the reaction.

Meanwhile, I wonder if the Lysol family of products includes eye drops. If not, I'll just have my retinas professionally cleaned.

Denise said...

"On second thought, let's NOT go to Camelot! It is a silly place."

Hilarious post!

WV... CANON.
I ain't kidding...

Haut said...

Yuck.....

Jackrabbit said...

I showed a coworker the pic of the second castle (the veiny one) and he just about passed out from lack of oxygen from laughing so hard...

writtenwyrdd said...

That cockeyed one even has VEINS! Yoiks!

Amanda said...

All I have to say to you, madam, is "IT!"

Rachael said...

monty python and quest for the holy grail! NI!!!

"make it a nice shrubbery - not too expensive"

Anonymous said...

As Peggy Hill would say . . . "Hap - piness"

Evalis said...

While these are funny, they don't top the nasa shuttle cake in my mind. Heck they don't even have a blatantly innuendo laced inscription to go along with them.

... and bring me a SHRUBBERY.

Fanboy Wife said...

I think this is the first time I have read the phrase, “a gaggle of man cannons.”

Nysa113 said...

Hahaha, absolutly reminds me of Death to Smoochie. At least one other person thought of that too. Well here it is if you want to watch it

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WvMefyDa7Yg

jewelsthomas said...

The first cake is OK, if you have innocent eyes only looking at it but the second cake looks like it should have been for a bachelorette party especially with the little pink tops.

MigratingCoconut said...

You win a bajilluion internets for the Monty Python reference.

Anonymous said...

I love the phrase "gaggle of man cannons"! Laughed for a good 15 minutes about that one!

fransmomma said...

monty python and the holy grail!! only my favorite movie ever!

BADKarma! said...

Oh, Knights Who... Until Recently Said, "NI"... These are some... highly inappropriate shrubberies... er... cakes!

WV: stypono - ONE LETTER from being entirely appropriate! ONE. LETTER.

Ahab said...

Oh the humanity ...

Promotional Pens said...

Shroom cakes.. Yummy!!

Molly Malone said...

Man canons! HILARIOUS! Snorted coffee all over my keyboard... time to call the IT department...

Anonymous said...

It's "obviously" the song Jenny is singing Nekkid on stage in Forest Gump!

wv:smopht... That castle has nice smopht edges. OR His tower went smopht....

Stupid Gutter! Love the gaggle of man cannons! Its my new letterhead.

Buffo said...

Yay Monty Python!!!! He's got fangs! Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries! A pathway, a pathway, ni, ni!

Yillup said...

HAHAHAHAHA! I was reading this with my 4 year old daughter who just could NOT figure out why I was laughing at these! She kept trying to figure out what was so wrong with the "castles"...

Laurel Lee said...

Monty Python and the Quest for the Holy Grail. Knights who formerly said "Ni!".

Kimberly said...

Seriously, the poo cakes are usually my faves & make me laugh the most but these are hysterical. Glad I haven't put on my mascara or I'd have laughed/cried it all off. Do the decorators really not see it or am I just twisted? Good grief!