Wednesday, January 6, 2010

"Special" Deliveries

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

I will love him/her and squeeze him/her and call him/her "Babs."



Good friends, the Hooks and Slices always hoped their little ones might one day grow up and fall in love. However, little James' love of the open sea and life-long distaste of children would eventually drive Sally to drinking and raising teacup poodles. (Although after the ASPCA stepped in, she was forced to stick to just raising them.)


Here's a tip: if your last name is Bignar, and you want your shower cake to read "Welcome Baby," proceed with caution.

Wow. It's not often one gets to witness the birth of an embarrassing nickname!


Do you suppose a kid named "Finally" could ever get addressed in a non-sarcastic manner?

I mean, think about it: "Finally! You're here!"

And finally lastly, my personal favorite:

Ah yes, Luca Joeseph Kiwi Mango - that's the name of kings, right there.

Tasty, fruity kings.


Anony M., Alisa K., Carrie B., Shane M., & Amy C., how many people do you suppose asked what flavor the cake was?

- Related Wreckage: The Name Game
Auntie Meme said...

The first cake is tragic--I love the design and lettering. The last cake ranks in my top ten favorites. If it's good enough for Apple Paltrow-Martin...

Taylor@MyOlderBrothers said...

How do you drink a teacup poodle? Do you make poodle puddles?

Anonymous said...

Ha! Love me some "teacup poodles" in my morning coffee, if no one's looking! That cake was totally weird.

MichelleP said...

Oh dear....on cake #2, my mind went back to the post a few days ago about the process of giving birth.....just when I thought I had managed to forget it!
My therapist will thank you.

Trevor said...

Someone will likely point this out to you, but hook and slice are golf terms. It deals with hitting the ball left or right.

That said, it still doesn't make the cake make ANY more sense than it does. But the accents on the cake are super cute.

Last cake? LOVE it. Yep, he'll be a fruity king or there will be several fruity kings. NOt sure which.....

Anonymous said...

Even if that last cake is welcoming FOUR people, there's enough randomly-placed candy flotsam for everyone, so no worries.


wv: Subto-- Don't be subto about your cake plans, because wreckorators need things spelled out!

jo said...

Are we sure that's welcome Babbies and not Baffies?

Hook Slice is baffling. Sounds like a celebration of a violent method of C-section. The foreign cake label makes me wonder...

And Luca Joseph Kiwi Mango--if not the flavor (duh) then could it be the names of twins Luca Joseph and Kiwi Mango, or quadruplets Luca, Joseph, Kiwi and Mango?

I mean, Gwyneth Paltrow DID name her daughter "Apple"...

Anonymous said...

Trevor, can hook and slice also both be boxing terms? I know hook can....

Shirley said...

The first cake is for twins? And the decoration on the hook and slice one is lovely, though it would be very odd in Ireland where the connotations of baby angels are obviously not the same as China (?)

Anonymous said...

I know Jen always makes jokes about a baby boy named Finally. I work for a government agency and had a child come across my desk named Finally, and a boy. I was so intrigued I had to find out what lead to this name. After contacting the grandparent, I learned that he had 7 older sisters. So Jen, he is out there!

Christine said...

"Welcome Babbies" would be a perfectly reasonable thing to say to Scottish twins...

Sarah said...

The first one immediately took me back to the "how is babby formed" meme:

http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/how-is-babby-formed

Makes me wonder when the "all your base are belong to us" cake will show up.

Catherine said...

You drink the poodle puddle with a poodle puddle paddle, of course. Just mind you don't drink the poodle piddle.

Anonymous said...

"Welcome Babbies" would be a perfectly reasonable thing to say to Scottish twins...

Or if they were Brummie babies (from Birmingham, UK).

Jenamarie said...

When I read that last post it reminded me of the old Monty Python sketch:

"It's spelled Luxury Yacht, but it's pronounced Lucas Joseph Kiwi Mango!"

Stephanie said...

The "drinking and raising teacup poodles" bit cracked me up! The cake itself still has me stumped though...

Becky said...

And there on the fourth cake you can see where they just didn't use enough icing to cover the sides. What's amazing is that there's still so much wrecktastic material out there to be mined.

Miranda said...

HOW IS BABBY FORMED
HOW IS BABBY FORMED
HOW GIRL GET PRAGNENT

Fluffy Cow said...

Tasty fruity kings... hee hee

Thank you for that, it will make my entire day more worthwhile.

Bek said...

Hook <3 Slice. Joanie <3 Chachi.

And poor Luca Joseph Kiwi Mango's cake is splitting from all the candy flotsam. Poor guy.

WV: Carither. Wreckiness does not give a cake carither. It just makes it a wreck.

Gary said...

OK, I've seen some weird baby names, but Kiwi Mango??!?!!

And what kind of name is "Hook Slice"? Although, judging from the Chinese writing on the bakery label here, I'm guessing the decorator may have had only minimal command of Engrish, I mean English.

WriteCards said...

These cakes literally make my head hurt. I can't figure out the Hook/Slice at all. Of course, the fact that it's after midnight my time (China), my brain is probably on complete malfunction.

::Tilting head sideways::

Nope, that didn't help.

peewee said...

Your comments on that first one made me laugh/cry. The hook/slice one is baffling.

Bec said...

The scary thing is I know of a kid named Kiwi.......

Gary said...

Oh, I just had a thought:
Given the "Pink vs. Blue" decorative theme on the "Hook/Slice" cake, could "Hook" and "Slice" be vulgar terms for portions of the male and female anatomy, respectively?

... No, I didn't say that. Who, me?

Jacobi said...

I predict that the boy from the last cake will become fast friends with Throat Warbler-Mangrove (aka Raymond Luxury-Yacht)

LaurenH said...

ha ha, I have to think that some of my friends could have ordered the first one and it would have been completely on purpose. "How is babby formed?"

Pink Toads said...

Oh...dear {In creaky door voice.}
That's what I said when I saw the last one. Pity the children. Pity them.

KittyKat said...

It just makes me feel ill that people order cakes saying "Finally" about getting a child the "right" gender. Way to completely destroy the other kids in the family. You weren't born because your parents wanted you, they wished you had been a ____ and had to keep on trying because you failed.

I do understand a family wanting a male heir to carry on the family name, or the desire to have a daughter to share feminine interests with, but when that desire is carried to an unhealthy level and the girls/boys in the family are made to feel their inferiority, it's awful.

catchat105 said...

Kiwi and Mango could be dogs' names... my cousins had a dog named Mango.

Lily Anne said...

Wow! "Big Nar"?!! That is so weird.

"Kiwi Mango"!!!!!!

This is definitely the funniest posts of 2010...so far! :D

Melissa (& Billy) said...

Hook and Slice? *shudder* Hope the mom wasn't having a C-section.

(I know they're golf terms but used in this context it's just ewwwww.)

Anonymous said...

A kiwi mango cake just sounds gross.

LimeSarah said...

I was hoping the "Finally is a boy" cake was "Finley" spelled wrong, but that's usually a girl's name...

abi said...

KittyKat - Cake 4 could be taken to mean that the parents had been trying for a long time to have a baby, and this is their first.

That being said - I'm a mom of 3 boys, and I can't tell you how many people (and we're talking complete strangers, like the grocery store checkout lady) have asked me if we're going to try again for a girl. I absolutely hate the assumption that we feel our family to be incomplete without a daughter; when in fact, we're very happy with exactly the kids God gave us. (When I was pregnant with my third and we told family that our ultrasound indicated a boy, my husband's grandmother patted my hand and said, 'There there, dear, maybe next time you'll finally get that girl.' I could've socked her. I responded, 'Thanks, but I think I'll finish gestating this one first.')

Shirley and Christopher said...

my first thought when seeing the hook/slice cake was of conjoined twins being separated.

Mary said...

I don't get the hook {heart} slice thing at all!

samann1121 said...

Agreed. My husband and I (and consequently our friends and family) call our 8-month-old daughter "Babby" after the internet meme. We would totally order a cake like that on purpose.

With our lucky, they'd "fix" it for us and it would say "babies".

Jennywenny said...

Priceless as always. In my home town (birmingham, UK) babbies is a perfectly correct word so there!

Niyati said...

2: This makes me think of all those people walking around with the Chinese symbol for "strengh" or whatever tattoed on their back. What if it really says something like "cheeseburger"?

Maybe the Chinese baker thought they were writing the English for Joy and Happiness. Or maybe two Chinese parents saw "Hook" and "Slice" written out and thought they were awsome name choices. Do they sound like 80's gangmember nicknames to anyone else?

4: Finally is a boy... Sounds like a cake celebrating a specific kind of elective surgery.

I've noticed a specfic baby theme for the past couple of days. Is there some news you'd like to share with us? : )

Anonymous said...

Finally and Bignor need nicknames. They deserve them. I suggest the "fruit" nicknames on the last cake.


Mocking
This blog is a riot. Who woulda thunk it???

Cyndi said...

Many couples give the fetus a cutesy nickname - could Hook and Slice be the soon-to-be-born twins to a golf-loving father?

skatej said...

The name of kings...excellent. Especially witty post today!

WATERBABY CHRISTINE said...

Aye, the pooor, wee babbies!

Jagyularr said...

Is it sad that all I can think of after reading this post is how delicious a kiwi-mango cake sounds? I'm left with an urge to make one.

Jimmy said...

I thought it was "Baffies." I wonder if they know Big Nar?



wv: Barro-- As in, "No, you can't barro my flotsam, 'cause I gotta make a cake."

Culinarychiq said...

I'll bet Luca can't wait to grow up and play with his sister, Julie Whiskey Tango Foxtrot:-P

...gold star to those who get the reference;)

Oh, Mandy said...

"Hook" and "Slice" can also be bowling terms, I believe. Oh, wait-- that doesn't help, either.


Maybe they're single-word excerpts from the manual on how to serve cake?

Anonymous said...

You know, I've seen parents push their sons to be athletes, or doctors, or lawyers, but this is definitely the first time I've seen parents setting their child up so perfectly for a career as a professional drag queen. You go, little Luca Joseph Kiwi Mango!

--kate

Jo said...

That first cake could have been my sister-in-law's. When she was in grade school, she wrote a paper about the Mayflower and mentioned that a "babby" boy was born during the crossing. Since then, babies have been babbies in our family.

Christina said...

Gary said... "Oh, I just had a thought:
Given the "Pink vs. Blue" decorative theme on the "Hook/Slice" cake, could "Hook" and "Slice" be vulgar terms for portions of the male and female anatomy, respectively?"

That's EXACTLY what I was thinking!

Jessi said...

Hmm, between today's and yesterday's cakes, do you think Jen is trying to tell us something?

Connie Moreno said...

ROTFLMAO! God, you CRACK me up!

Anonymous said...

It looks like whoever wrote hook and slice did it in Sharpie. So would not be eating that cake.

Anonymous said...

You finally get that baby boy, and then you name him "Finally?" So now we all can see how very bad you are at planning, since in all this time you haven't managed to think up a better name?

Or does it just go with the names of his older sisters, "Not What We Hoped For," "Another Disappointment," and "Why Me, God?" There's a family that's big on nicknames, for you. Huh.

Little Lovables said...

oh heavens, does the Stork on the Bignar cake seriously look like it is going to be paddled with the frosting rattle up the butt, or what?

KittyKat said...

Abi, I like your interpretation MUCH better, and anyone who has suffered through the nightmare of infertility certainly has earned as many "FINALLY!" celebration cakes as they want!

Congrats on your 3 terrific sons. I am sorry you have relatives who don't seem willing just to enjoy the fabulous kids you already have! It's really unhealthy the level some people will try to impose their template of an "ideal family" on other people's kids!

Steve the Pocket said...

I suppose the parents of little Hook and Slice are raising them to be henchpeople for a golf-obsessed James Bond villain.

Actually, no. Not James Bond. Dick Tracy. That comic revels in goofy pun names so much you might mistake it for a parody.

Ella said...

In line with what Gary said about the Hook & Slice cake, some people believe that certain...um, positions can lead to having a boy or a girl. I absolutely cringed when I saw it, whatever it IS supposed to mean.

Steve the Pocket said...

Holy Smurf, I just now got the Captain Hook reference (was his first name indicated as "James" anywhere besides that awful Disney sequel?) ... but I have no idea who Sally Slice is.

Anonymous said...

That reminds me of the jokes amongst Harry Potter fans about Sirius being serious, ehm himself.

capri-chan said...

*looks through comments* Oh, good, I'm not the only one who thought of "How is babby formed."

The Black Dog said...

Finally it's a boy...how many times did they try before?!

Anonymous said...

The folks who commissioned the "Big Nar" cake also should've looked into finding someone with a sense of color and an eye for flotsam arrangement. I guess this goes to show you can't have it all-- or even any of it, maybe.

Janine said...

"tasty, fruity king"...LOL!!

word verification:

sking - a king with a little extra fruity "zing"!

Suzanne :-) said...

Maybe I'm the odd one out, but I can totally read the names on that last cake as Luca Kiwi and Joseph Mango. Or, perhaps, Luca Joseph's cake was supposed to have kiwis and mangoes on it (or be a kiwi-mango cake).

Ah, the possibilities!
I love cakes that leave it all up to the imagination.

WV: donsig - a wrecky way of saying "dancing." I feel like donsig because this blog makes me feel so good about my amateur cake decorating!

Deirdre said...

Abi, when my husband told his mom our first child was a girl, her first response was, "Oh, are you disappointed?" (palm slapping forehead)

I'm finding it's much more fun to read the post, read the comments, re-read the post. Apparently I missed stuff the first time through!

Marilyn said...

Doing genealogy, I frequently run across an eighteenth or nineteeth century family with a Finis as the last child. After 10 or so you just get tired. . .

wv - nopere. Ha ha ha. Not in this case! (French for father, if you didn't get it.)

Anonymous said...

I hope that "Finally" cake isn't the result of some mad, desperate longing to have a boy-- you can't control everything in life. Also, this inability to control things applies to your cake order at the local bakery, it would seem.

Ariane said...

I'm with those who couldn't see a problem with the first cake. I know enough people that call 'em babbies that I just figured it belonged to an Irish family (or as other commenters have pointed out, Scottish or Brummie).

Hook and Slice are also used in cricket, but the latter is not an elegant shot, so I doubt you'd name your kid that. Far more likely to be "Cover Drive". A good hook shot is worth naming your kid after though. Seems like a girl's name to me. Cover Drive would be your boy's name.

Tirya said...

I'm willing to bet "Kiwi" and "Mango" were the nicknames of the twins while they were in utero.

My oldest brother was "Buzzard" and my other brother was "Vulture" when my mom was pregnant. I was "Crow" because my dad decided that since they wanted a girl, they needed a more "feminine-sounding" nickname. =D

Jennie said...

As someone suggested hook & slice are probably the nicknames of a golf lover's twins. But I like to think that somehow a golf themed cake got mixed up with a baby shower cake. Somewhere there is a golf cake that says "Congratulations on your new arrivals."

Rose Ann said...

Nobody would really name their kid Luca Joeseph Kiwi Mango, right? Kiwi Mango was the flavor that they wanted for the icing, right? And the wrecker didn't really spell "Joeseph," right?

Ann said...

Maybe "Kiwi Mango" IS the fruit of kings. Or the fruity king... Perhaps we've witnessed the birth of a future interior designer to the stars...

Anonymous said...

Aren't hook and slice words that mean your shot was off the mark? Am I reading too much into this if I think these are the poor kids' nicknames when they haven't even been born yet?

Anonymous said...

No way would I call my daughter Hook OR Slice! This is no way to map out a great future for her, with a suggestive nickname like that from the very beginning!

shikishinobi said...

It is so sad when the placement of one capital letter can change the whole meaning of a sentance. Or even the lack of a capital letter.
While I have heard some really bizare names for kids, 'Finally' takes the cake (so to put it).
Q: What is it with celebrities giving their kids weird names? It is like they want them to be picked on at school.

Anonymous said...

The company that made the hook/slice cake is in Taiwan, so it was never designed to make sense to Americans.

*gemmifer* said...

I truly laughed out loud at the last cake... I bet it was vanilla, wasn't it?

Also loved the Bugs Bunny reference in the "hug him and squeeze him (and call him George)". Haven't heard that in ages!

Athena said...

Anyone else wonder about how the stork got the baby? I mean that red... is a tad suspicious.

emilyb0902 said...

I could be the only one thinking it but... "No! You cannot have the (Luca Joseph Kiwi) Mango!"

WV: stope - There's already too much flotsam on that cake, please stope adding to it!

Sarah said...

I went to an antique needlework lecture that discussed a sampler by an early nineteenth century girl, Waitstill Richards. Apparently this was a fairly common name for a daughter whose parents had to "wait still" for a son.

People suck, and apparently always have. Yay history!

kayak said...

I'd bet anything that "kiwi mango" was the cake flavor, but got copied off the order form along with the inscription instructions.

Anonymous said...

THEY NEED TO DO WAY INSTAIN> MOTHER

WHO KILL THEIR BABBYS

Kathleen said...

tasty, fruity kings! hahahahahaha! I am sure my neighbours can me laughing.

MarieA said...

LOL!!! LOVE that last one. Poor Joeseph Kiwi Mango indeed!
that's a keeper right there with under neat dat!

RGuillory said...

or "Finally . . . you've got that sex change you always wanted."

Emily said...

Dear, wonderful Jen and John --

I'm not disputing the wreckishness of that first cake, just unintentional chauvinism on your part: "babby" is a perfectly respectable pronunciation of "baby" in the Sunderland/Tyneside part of England -- up north, you know. Lots of planets have a North...I still admire and respect your dedication, just thought I'd offer this interpretation...

Birdie said...

Jen is cutting back on posting and highlighting baby themed cakes....hmmmmmm

Anonymous said...

@ Anony. 8:49-- I'm glad the Taiwanese understand it, so please explain because I don't understand the Hook-Slice cake at all!

Sixxlet said...

So on the last cake, WHY does it say kiwi mango? Is that the flavor of the cake maybe?

Rawpower95 said...

How is babbie formed?

Can't See Sheep said...

Ah yes, Luca Joeseph Kiwi Mango - that's the name of kings, right there.
-------------------

A fruity king or Bob Geldof is having more children & this is his cake. I can see it, Luca Joeseph Kiwi Mango Geldof, he's playing with his sister's, Fifi Trixibelle, Peaches Honeyblossom Michelle Charlotte Angel Vanessa, Little Pixie & Heavenly Hiraani Tiger Lily. See, he fits right in there.


This blog is too funny!

KatjaMouse said...

*Searches for Babby meme and Instain Mother* Well, no need for my contribution. Carry on.

feathergirl said...

Kiwi isn't such a bad girl's name.

I'm kidding, I'm kidding!

john (the hubby of Jen) said...

Dear Emily,

Babbies is not an English word.

Also:
Blimey,
Ruddy,
Bangers and Mash,
and How's your father?

See? Those are all not English. They're English English which doesn't count as English if you're not in an English speaking country that is England.

English.

I hope that's clear.

;)

john

Mama Sky said...

Misplaced modifiers make are my favorite!

Jeni said...

How is babby caeked? How girl get desert?

(I'm wondering if it's a deliberate play on the babby meme.)

WriteCards said...

John (the hubby of Jenn),

I'm an English teacher in China. I'm from America. I'm a native English speaker. But now, I'm questioning my sanity.

"I'm soooooo confused!" (Vinnie Barbarino lives.)

I do teach a section on the difference between American and British English, but I've never heard of "How's your father?" being an item of contention. (Gotta admit, never heard of "babbies" before either!)

English.

It's what on the cake. Maybe. Maybe not.

WV: dosse. Dosse or doesn't he? Understand my confusion?

Minnako said...

I thought of the babby meme and Brummies, too. That said, it very well could be non-intentional wreckage...

LOL I also hope 'Finally' is a long-waited for first baby, not the unfortunate progeny of desperate parents who had 13 girls in the hope of having a boy! I can understand appreciating children of either gender, but when it becomes a creepy obsession, carrying on having kids just to 'complete the set' rather than because they can look after and want more children, it's the children that suffer.

Word Verification: skilis.

Don't apply for a cake decoraring job unless you have all the relevant skilis, or you will create nothing but wrecks!

New word verification: inessest (too bad to pass up!)

Obsessing about having a kid of one particular gender may make people think you're into inessest...

Anonymous said...

Tirya, why did your parents name you ugly birds in utero?

my twins were "lumpy" and "hiccup" in utero, but that was because one hiccupped every day and lump moved around all the time, creating lumps on my belly.

Jerry said...

I am so disappointed that the name on the 4th cake is Mango. I wanted it to be Mongo. That little one could grow up to be strong enough to sock a horse in the jaw but Mango?
This is what they can expect, impressive but not the same.
http://www.hulu.com/watch/10316/saturday-night-live-mango-garth-brooks

Anonymous said...

Hilarious, as usual.
I can tell the "babbies" cakes was, almost for sure, decorated by someone whose first language used the cyrilic alphabet. So well, just a forgiving smile to that one :0)I

Jimmy said...

"War Cake," as in "It's chocolate covered shrapnel, thus the awkward shape?" Or because they shot the strawberries right into the side, which would explain their odd placement? Was a derator used to make this? Without a doubt!


Maybe "Derator" is actually a misspelling of "Detonator?"

Anonymous said...

The Babbies Cake - Babbies are what we call young babies in the black country area of the UK so this may not be a mistake...

http://www.bbc.co.uk/blackcountry/features/2002/12/accents/black_country_dialect.shtml

Kathy said...

The last cake is one of my favorites Ever!!

Kathy

Anonymous said...

"However, little James' love of the open sea and life-long distaste of children would eventually drive Sally to drinking and raising teacup poodles. (Although after the ASPCA stepped in, she was forced to stick to just raising them.)"


LOL! When I read this, I laughed so hard, I shot my teacup poodle out my nose. Excuse me while I wipe off my computer screen.
--- Sally

Anonymous said...

How about "Finally! The pain is over!"

That sounds like an event to celebrate with a cake to me.

Chris said...

Anon - Why ugly birds? Our last name is "Tweet" so the bird theme was sort of a gimme. =)

Masha said...

I guess they finally figured out how a babby should be formed?

Melanie said...

I laughed so hard I snorted. By myself in the office. Know what? It was still embarrassing. I love Fruity Kings.

BigMomma said...

My friend actually named her daughter Kiwi. At first I just thought it was a nickname.

Autumn said...

The last cake is a new top favorite for me. Right up there with "Your Day Has Come" with the chopped off hand. :)

EugeneTeam said...

maybe the parents on the first cake are Dark Tower fans? Wolves of the Calla come ta take your babbies!

Erin Wild said...

ahhahaha "kiwi mango". omg! i love these. they are some of the best. and thanks, i needed the laugh tonight.

ksaldria said...

My parents were married for about 14 years before I was conceived. My baby shower cake appropriately said, "Welcome. What took you so long?"

Anonymous said...

Sorry, but I'm with everyone else who said 'babbies' might not be a mistake. It's a perfectly reasonable word in many parts of the British Isles, so really it just depends who the cake was for and what they intended to have on it.

Anonymous said...

I'm thinking Kiwi and Mango are the colors to used.... hence the orange and green... under neat that.

Anonymous said...

@culinarychiq lol i get it...but isn't it juliet? not julie?

Sand Mama said...

Maybe twins, Luca Kiwi & Joseph Mango? Actually that sounds like a pair of sub-Saharan African rebels...

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