Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Look Out, Germany

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

I don't mean to brag, but I'm pretty much an expert on the German language. Yep. Two point five years of public high school German right heeere, playah! In fact, I would be saying all this "auf Deutsch," but I don't want to dazzle y'all with my linguistic...um...awesomeness.

Anyway, I mention this because today's Wreck is so hilariously horrendous that I may have to lapse into German to adequately describe it.

Ready?

Here goes:


Gross unpassend fliegend Fekalie-Kuchen!
Taschenrechner!!
Wo IST die Toiletin? Fahrvergnügen?
Ich bin ein Berliner!
Schnell! Schnell!


Ahem. Well, I think that gets the point across.

It should be noted that the cake was supposed to read, "Germany, HERE we come!" (Ah, those pesky, hilarity-inducing homonyms.)

Whether the cake was supposed to look like a baked poo souffle with a side of #2 nuggets, however, is anyone's guess. (Although I'm guessing "no.")

Hey, Sarah R., keep it down, will ya?

- Related Wreckage: Oh, It Sends a Message, Alright

Note from john: Since I don't sprecht Deutsch, I don't know what half of you are saying. Please, no clever Germanic cussing. There's probably at least one German kid that reads this blog. Dunker Shane.
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Jenniffer said...

Wow... just wow! Hilarious!!

-Jenniffer
http://cupadeecakes.blogspot.com

Fluffy Cow said...

Awesome.

Thanks for starting my day so well!

Anonymous said...

Lovely German. It translates to
"flying Fekalie cakes! Pocket calculator!! Where is the Toiletin? Fahrvergnugen? I am a citizen of Berlin! Fast! Fast!" remind me to memorize that. ;P

Anonymous said...

Oh, wow. That could be bad. I hope it wasnt for a school trip... that parents would see...

WendyMom said...

Un-stinkin'-believable. There are no words...

Anonymous said...

I suspect this cake was not meant as a goodwill gesture; given as a gift, it could even be interpreted as a declaration of war.

I don't speak much German, but after reading that little bit, I suddenly feel like watching Hogan's Heroes. And I promise you, that's never happened before.

Anonymous said...

Besides the obvious poop, why are there shells? Is Germany known for its amazing beaches? -New to Naples

Tigerwolf said...

“Ach! Ein dis nacht, der bouncie-bouncie fraulein ist bin maken sum hottische liebenshoutin! Jawohl!”

^..^
Tigernwolfe!

WV: linscria. "Ach, du bist cleanen der linscria in der dryeren! Schnell!"

Vanessa said...

OK, I put the German comment into Babelfish and got this translation:

Largely mismatching flying Fekalie cakes! Pocket calculator!! Where is the Toiletin? Fahrvergnugen? I am a citizen of Berlin! Fast! Fast!

HAHAHAhahaah! That's hysterical! The only German I know are a few swear words my grandma taught me and all the words to "Silent Night." We had to learn that in the fourth grade, I had a massive asthma attack the night of the performance and never got to go, and I STILL know the dang words!

No matter what, your blog is wonderful. I've been telling everyone I know about it, and I enjoy reading and laughing about Cake Wrecks!

DeDe said...

Largely mismatching flying Fekalie cakes! Pocket calculator!! Where is the Toiletin? Fahrvergnugen? I am a citizen of Berlin! Fast! Fast!

Your German teacher would be so proud.

Taylor@MyOlderBrothers said...

The babelfish translation is just as funny:

"Largely mismatching flying Fekalie cakes! Pocket calculator!! Where is the toilet? Fahrvergnugen? I am a citizen of Berlin! Fast! Fast!"

Heather said...

OK, I went through two years of German in central Florida schools and I can only remember how to get to the bathroom and maybe to Publix (Supermarkt?).

In fact, I think that's all I learned when I took it. It was kind of an easy A class.

Taylor@MyOlderBrothers said...

Crap, I posted my comment right before all the others showed up. Now I'm that commentor who said the same thing as everybody else!

Anonymous said...

No words- just a sound. 'cough'
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Christine said...

And it still wouldn't be SO bad if I hadn't read "we" as "me"...

the mouse said...

Largely mismatching flying Fekalie cakes! Pocket calculator!! Where is the Toiletin? Fahrvergnugen? I am a citizen of Berlin! Fast! Fast!

I, too, got that for my translation. Haha. Love your blog!!

john (the hubby of Jen) said...

Hey guys,

Are you sure? What Jen meant to say was:

"My goodness! What a cake that is before my eyes so well and truly unpleasantness! I am without belief! Like a rotten weinerschnitzel. Beer! Beer!"

;)

john

pastrytiff said...

Microsoft translates it even "better"??
Large improperly fliegend Fekalie cake! Calculator! Where is the Toiletin? Fahrvergnugen? I bin ein Berliner! Quick! Quick

Love it!

Tiffany

Anonymous said...

BAAAHAAAAHAAAA!!!!!

pure. awesome.

Daniel and Tiffany Ward said...

Seashells and snowflakes!?

Miranda said...

All of Germany is to hear? Wow, that's ambitious. I usually satisfy myself by just scandalizing the neighbors.

Emslynn said...

As a German major, I whole-heartedly love your German. AND when I read this cake I read, "Germany, hear me come" which I thought was cute because if you put a shell up to your ear you hear the ocean. But once I read what it was supposed to say, but didn't, I started saying things like 'blöde Kuh' (stupid cow) to my computer.

Babsiegirl said...

Seeing as how my last name is Germany, I thought you were warning me personally about today's wreck :)!

Charles said...

History lesson time: "Ich bin ein Berliner" is a famous line spoken by JFK when he spoke in Berlin. Why is it famous? Because it DOESN'T translate to "I'm a Berliner." It translates to "I am a jelly doughnut." The proper translation for "I'm a Berliner/Citizen of Berlin" is "Ich bin Berliner."

FYI - the other tags are sort of translated as:
"large improper flying Fekalie-Cake" (not sure what Fekalie was)
"Where is the toilet?"
and of course, "Fast, fast!"
(Farhvergnugen is gibberish.)

Amanda said...

I think it's the shell patterned plate on the the snowflake tablecloth that really make this cake!

cast in the name of god, ye not guilty said...

Am I the only one who thinks it kiiiinda looks like a sphincter? Or a cat-butt?

thesacredandtheprofane said...

I see a missed opportunity. There is a perfect German word for this wreck (and strictly speaking, the blog in general):
Schadenfreude

I'm just sayin'

Charles said...

And yes, Tachenrechner is "calculator."

Gary said...

"Germany, hear me come" makes sense if were said by an unrepentant practitioner of noisy sex while on vactation in Europe. I don't know why you would write it on a cake, though.


Just in case there's anyone in the world who hasn't heard this story: "Ich bin ein Berliner" (yes, "I am a citizen of Berlin") was John F. Kennedy's famous applause line when he spoke in West Berlin. Since then, it has become a popular joke, though, because "Ich bin ein Berliner" could also be translated as "I am a jelly-filled pastry."

Amanda said...

P.S. I like the men in tights reference!

~me said...

What is the point of the "beach" decorations? That confuses me more than is "Ich bin eine Berliner translated to I'm a citizen of Berlin or I'm a doughnut?"

The Boob Nazi said...

Is it that hard to write the right "here"? (I just had to double check what I wrote about four times to make sure it wasn't incorrect haha)

Charles said...

Is this what you were going for with "Fekalie-Kuchen?" http://dict.leo.org/ende?lp=ende&p=8x2MgA&search=F%E4kalien

Fäkalienkuchen = Poop-Cake, more or less.

Count Mockula said...

I, too, read "we" as "me" and therefore saw "Germany, hear me come."

Jeremy said...

My knowledge of German:
"Luftkissenfahrzeug."

Booyah. "Hovercraft." That's right, hovercraft, hear me come.

Elizabeth said...

Doof bleibt doof, da helfen keine Pillen.

Trevor said...

Right, I went the whole wrong direction with this. I mis-read the cake to say "Germany Hear me Come." Which, then, led to amusement thinking of what Jen's comments to a cake about someone warning a whole country of their sexual activity made me smile a WHOLE lot.

Tracy O said...

According to Eddie Izzard (and if you don't know who he is - YouTube him - it's worth it), "Ich bin ein Berliner!" means "I am a jelly doughnut!" which is just as funny, or maybe more so...
TracyO

Anonymous said...

That's OK, Jen. The stuff I know how to say in several languages isn't all that useful, but I just can't seem to let it go. Sometimes, this even applies to English.

YogaGal in the NW said...

I just want to know what decorating technique produces the fan-like quality of poopiness on the top of this cake. And I also want Jen to translate poopiness into German.

Great post as always!

abi said...

No no no you guys, "Ich bin ein Berliner" translates as "I am Spaceship Earth!"

Also - Anon at 9:38 - Declaration of war? AWESOME.

Anonymous said...

OK, more cultural information for the young:

"Fahrvergnügen was an advertising slogan used by the German automobile manufacturer Volkswagen in a 1989 U.S. ad campaign that included a stick figure driving a Volkswagen car."

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fahrvergn%C3%BCgen

Jen just spelled it wrong.

Terry Lee said...

honest to gosh, the first thing that popped into my lil ol' head:

meg ryan in when harry met sally.

Kevin R said...

People of Berlin wouldn't usually call jelly doughnuts "Berliners". It's like if you're in Chicago, and want some "Chicago pizza".. it's just "pizza" there. :)

I LOL'd at "hear me come" though. Fantastic.

JHill said...

Ich spreche auch ein bischen Deutsch! Ich glaube dass dieser Scheissekuchen macht die Engeln weinen.

Stella said...

The excitable comments only confirmed what was said on the cake. and what Miranda said. I laughed my head off...

Casey said...

Ahahaha. Awesome... and extremely ugly, all at the same time.

Jill of Ark said...

If "used coffee filter" is the effect they were going for, the top of that cake is sheer mastery.

nachtgedanken said...

Actually it's Toilette, Toiletin doesn't exist in German, or more basic Klo (=loo). And Fäkalie is not really in use in spoken German.
And I really enjoy your blog everyday. Here in Germany we don't have such a tradition in decorated cakes :-)

Sara said...

My 6 months of living in Germany is enough for this to give me the giggles without a faulty translator!

Wo ist de Toiletten, zwar!

Meghan O said...

can i guess that the fekalie is suppose to be fecal? which makes the where is the toilet make more sense. but i'm a little lost as to the pocket computer or calculator... and i swear i've heard fahrvergnugen somewhere before.

absolutely hilarious!!

I. Mazzikin said...

The first thing I did when I was in Germany last week was consume a berliner. Es war sehr wohlschmeckend, und gut mit Kaffee.


Oh, and, this may be TMI, but were were very quiet...

Thanks for the wreck!

WriteCards said...

Fahrvergnugen . . . oh, my! That had me laughing as an image of someone "really" having fun in a Volkswagon!

Maria said...

Well, as a German (from Berlin, yeah!) living in the french-speaking part of SwitzerIand, I know what it's like to struggle with a language ;-)

And I love your blog, Jen, it's a good start into the afternoon ;-)

But this cake is very confusing. We do have nice beaches in Germany, but why the hell do I see a burned peacock in the middle of this cake? (just tilt your head to the left a bit - see?).

And "Germany hear me come" - well... *shakehead*

BTW: Berliner (like a doughnut without the hole) are called "Pfannkuchen" (pancakes) in Berlin. We people from Berlin don't really like eating ourselves, hehe, unlike people from Hamburg, who are called Hamburger ;-).

Anonymous said...

Holy flying Fekalie cakes, Batman!! Too much hilarity for one cake!
:)Moochmom

Shelley said...

Here's another translation from Google:
Gross inappropriate Fekalie fly pie! Calculators! Where IS the Toiletin? Fahrvergnugen? Ich bin ein Berliner! Fast! Fast!

wv - domotio: what will happen to the wrecker when his/her mistake is seen all over the internet

Anonymous said...

I'm doing my master's thesis on the foreign relations of JFK, and Charles's incorrect "history lesson" is making it hard for me to not smash my keyboard right now.

Berliner can be used to refer to citizens of Berlin, but also a type of jelly filled donut. Kennedy obviously meant to say that he was a citizen of Berlin to show solidarity with the city, but someone found it funnier to to imply that Kennedy was saying he was a jelly donut. Just because something is widely believed doesn't mean it's actually true!

Upon request, I will restrain myself from cursing up a German storm!

Anonymous said...

Actually, It translates to "I am a donut" not "I am a citizen of Berlin". It would be "Ich bin Berliner" to be a citizen of Berlin. Just ask JFK

Charla said...

Ich bin ein Berliner, auch!

Blue Jean said...

History lesson time: "Ich bin ein Berliner" is a famous line spoken by JFK when he spoke in Berlin. Why is it famous? Because it DOESN'T translate to "I'm a Berliner." It translates to "I am a jelly doughnut." The proper translation for "I'm a Berliner/Citizen of Berlin" is "Ich bin Berliner."

Actually, that's an urban legend. The people of Berlin do call themselves "Berliners". Jelly doughnuts may be called "Berliners" in other parts of Germany, but in Berlin itself, they're called pfannkuchen (pancakes). That's why they burst into cheers instead of laughter; JFK said it correctly.

Leslie said...

Darf ich bitte den WC pass heute? That's what stuck with me from my 2.5 years of German in high school.

Anonymous said...

what's with the shells? does Germany even have coastline? and what are the flesh colored "balls"? considering the inscription, it's a little suspicious....."Oh GOD!" (can you year me now?)

Anonymous said...

well, that's assuming they mispelled "hear," too

Anonymous said...

Jen, you should have had something "Aussie" today as it is Australia day today!! G'day!

Susi said...

As a German teacher, your post made me laugh and then groan.

"Ich bin ein Berliner" means both "I am a jelly doughnut" and "I am a Berliner". Germans would typically say "Ich bin Berliner" but both are technically correct.

And "Berliner" is used as the word for jelly doughnut, contrary to a previous poster's comment. You can find them in most any bakery in Germany.

Eddie Izzard said...

"Did she say she's a doughnut?" "Yeah, she's a American, she's a f*kin' doughnut"

Because "Ich bin Berliner" means "I am a citizen of Berlin" but "Ich bin EIN Berliner" means "I am a doughnut"

slicescakes said...

This makes me laugh, simply because it reminds me of an Eddie Izzard comedy show where he mocks J.F.K for saying "Ich bein ein Berliner!" which is actually saying "I am a donut!" (As, apparently, Berliner is the name of a donut there...don't quote ME though, I've never been, and don't speak a word of it!) Anyway, Izzard is genius, and you should check out that bit.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1GaDAjHKYC4 (there's the you tube link, you should edit your post to show that! It's brilliant! )

Thanny said...

"Ich bin ein Berliner" does *not* mean "I am a donut", or anything of the sort. It's not conventional German grammar to use an article in such a case, but no native German speaker would be confused by the statement.

It's exactly like someone saying, in English, "I am firefighter" instead of "I am a firefighter". It sounds odd to a native speaker, but the meaning is clear.

drgns4vr said...

My German is a trifle scanty (the closest I came to taking it in school was when my French teacher told me I spoke French like a German), but I think I got the gist of this one.
Years ago I got excited at the Volkswagon ads promising me Fahrvergnügen. Then I found out it wasn't the name of the car and lost interest.

I Love Baby Quilts! said...

When i saw the seashells I thought maybe it was a cake commemorating the invasion of Normandy. You know, Germans here we come, to the beach. Ok, maybe not.

Meine hausaufgaben ist in mein schrank!
(My homework is in my locker!)

Elisabeth Marie said...

I think it looks like a giant shell, not poo. But the spelling is pretty funny.

Anonymous said...

Well, this is certainly an occasion for schadenfreude (as cake wreckage generally is!) ;)

Mjx

Anonymous said...

Guys, guys, you're losing focus here. The most important thing about this whole Berliner-affaire is that Berliners are DELICIOUS and should be enjoyed all over the world.
And as a German, it is my duty to inform you that this is absolutely hilarious. Because some of us do have humor.

Cyndi said...

Oh PLEASE tell me the "Ich bin ein Berliner!" was an Eddie Izzard reference. That would just make everything that much more hilarious!! :)

nastyKitten said...

Greetings from Germany.

As everyone knows, Germans are very... well... let's say "proper"... *cough* narrow-minded *cough*, so I just wanted to point out:

""History lesson time: "Ich bin ein Berliner" is a famous line spoken by JFK when he spoke in Berlin. Why is it famous? Because it DOESN'T translate to "I'm a Berliner." It translates to "I am a jelly doughnut." The proper translation for "I'm a Berliner/Citizen of Berlin" is "Ich bin Berliner."""

Yes, well. The Germans who got to hear his speech were overwhelmed nevertheless.

""FYI - the other tags are sort of translated as:
"large improper flying Fekalie-Cake" (not sure what Fekalie was)
"Where is the toilet?"
and of course, "Fast, fast!"
(Farhvergnugen is gibberish.)""

"Fekalie" should be spelled "Fäkalie" - it means "feces".

"Fahrvergnügen" is not gibberish, by the way. It means "joy of driving" - though I'm not sure if it translates well. In English it sounds rather awkward.

*waves frantically while grinning like an idiot*

Caroline B said...

I quite liked the poopencaken before the penny dropped & I re-read the writing! She's just bragging!

Wow, lots of German lessons today, I have learned something..not sure what,but something..

..and was that really Eddie Izzard leaving a comment? I feel a 'we're not worthy' moment if it was!

Kailtyn said...

Jen, as a German speaker I find your Deutsch to be perfectly, hilariously acceptable. :)

Kelly said...

Is that an Eddie Izzard reference I see?? If so, you just went up 100 points in my awesomeness book!!

Jessica M said...

This has NOTHING to do with the post but my oldest saw the page while I was reading and she says "Look, it's carrots and babies!" Then she proceeded to do a little dance while singing over and over "carrots and babies!"

Mella said...

I'd rather not hear you come

Susan said...

I like the seashells distributed about the base; I am always reminded of the lush tropical seascape when I think of Germany.

John and Sarah Sperry said...

I heart cakes with bad grammar.

Nonie said...

Having little German myself, I'd kind of hoped "fliegend Fekalie" was, well, what one should take at a rolling berliner.

--Nonie

Nonie said...

And hey, given a lot of the other cakes, we should just be glad they could spell "Germany."

Anonymous said...

The seashells are a nice touch, but the snowflakes really make it.

Not to diss the blog or anything, but is anyone else just a wee tad tired of the all brown icing = poop thing? To me the center of the cake looks more like carpet after the Christmas tree has been removed.

WATERBABY CHRISTINE said...

Well, yes, but no, but . . . I think JFK was presciently channeling Eddie Izzard, because you know, you can't ever have enough Berliners. By the way that means a jelly-filled donut, did you know? And I think maybe me was supposed to be we? Schnell, schnell, out of the toiletin, I must a flying Fekalie cake make!

wv: pocus
At least this Kuchen is better than a pocus in the eye with a sharp Sticken.

Tamara Marnell said...

"Fahrvergnugen"? Like the pleasure (vergnuegen) of driving (fahren) sans umlaut? Ich bin davon verwirrt....

The Denny Family said...

What in the world do the sea shells have to do with Germany?

Anonymous said...

Yes, I'm positive that comment was from THE Eddie Izzard-- don't you all recognize his voice and handwriting here? :D

Katharina said...

Lol ^^ I'm one of the German readers too ;) Your German is, um, nearly perfect, I'd say. Only a bit more fine tuning necessary to make you a perfect native speaker :-P

Amy said...

All of the above, plus, WHY the seashells??

Gary said...

(Warning: Pedantic content ahead.)

OK, folks, "Ich bin ein Berliner" CAN mean, "I am a citizen of Berlin."

But, since most Germans usually omit the article ("ein") in a sentence of this type, it sounded to some people like JFK was saying, "I am a filled pastry" (another meaning of "Berliner"). However, I'm told that in some German dialects it would be usual to say, "Ich bin ein (Berliner, Amerikaner, Hamburger, etc.)." It's not ungrammatical to say "Ich bin ein Berliner," it's just a little unusual, at least in Berlin.

People who were present for Kennedy's speech say that the crowd was not confused about what he meant, and nobody laughed at the time. Probably, they were impressed that a U.S. President would speak German at all, especially since this was only a few years after World War II.

The story is still funny, though.

Gary said...

Miranda: You Rock!

Anonymous said...

Not to be one of those picky people, but actually they are homoPHONES, because they sound the same; homoNYMS are spelled the same. Painfully funny, nontheless! :) -Christopher

Anonymous said...

As an expat now living in Germany and desperately trying to stuff Deutsch into my head, today's entry was really fun because my German is BARELY conversational. And some of the words get twisted in my head (ask me about the time I mixed up "people" and "spoons"...). I couldn't figure out what the relation between the cake and the Taschenrechner was.

Sara said...

btw, here is the german reading ;)
great cake!

jackie31337 said...

I can speak and understand a few words of German, and managed not to be mistaken for a jelly-filled pastry when I visited Berlin, but I've been told that when I sing in German, it comes out sounding like Klingon. Consequently, I try to avoid singing in German (which can be tricky, because I sing opera and I love Mozart).

Anonymous said...

Well BUENO! to all who have flexed their German skills.

On another note entirely, I gotta say, if the person saying "Germany hear me come!" is in an English speaking country, whether Britain, the USA, or someplace else, and she's sending this kind of warning, then I'LL HAVE WHATEVER SHE'S HAVING, as the saying goes...sounds raher powerful.
:-D Lily

Schlauch said...

Ich stehe irgendwie auf dem Schlauch. Mir entgeht der Witz...

Sixpack Chopra said...

About "ich bin ein Berliner":

The line was written for Kennedy by his interpreter Robert Lochner. Lochner grew up in Berlin, and is EXTREMELY unlikely to have made the mistake of instructing the president to say "I am a Jelly Doughnut". In the speech the crowd cheers at this point, most likely because they were his first and only words in German.

"Berliner" are indeed called "Pfannkuchen" Pan Cakes (deep fried cakes) in Berlin but Berliner outside of Berlin. Just like the infamous contradiction that a Frankfurter is called a Frankfurter in Vienna (Wien) but a Wiener in Frankfurt. Regional food terms are much greater in Europe than they are in the US.

As for the rest of Jen's German I think it's fantastic!
Spelling aside though, you've all missed a few interesting issues.

1) Her flying Fekalie-Kuchen should never have been hyphenated. There's not need for it in German. Fekaliekuchen is how it would be written. And here her 2 1/2 years of German show their shortcomings. :-) The creation of compound words is covered in the first weeks of German.

2) Wo IST die Toiletin? She's either asked us "Where is the toilets?" but I'm willing to offer that she's actually looking for the ladies room. As adding "in" to the end of an occupation or action noun creates the feminine version of it, Toilette -> becomes Toilettin. Not that such a word exists, but she's already created Fekaliekuchen, I'll give her credit for yet another word.

3) Fahrvergnügen? Definitely a word. It was created by Volkswagen for their ad campaign. It now appears in more than one dictionary.

Thanks, Jen. This is one of my favorite cakes. And I'd give you an A for effort on your German. :-)

maryquitecontrary said...

I think Waterbaby Christine summed it all up quite nicely, so as yet another of your German readers all that's left for me to do is to say:
Germany does indeed and in fact and FYI have a coastline. Two, in fact, one on the North Sea, one on the Baltic Sea.
Ah, felt so good to get that out of my system (German AND a teacher, hellish combination)...
...And I'm still straining my ears, but I can't hear anything! ;)

laura said...

Lieber miener abs minkey. Now is the time on Sprokets when we dance!

--Laura

Missy said...

Hilarious. Donkey chains, John!

Dan Bradbury said...

Ich bin ein Holzfäller und ich bin okay
Ich schlief die ganze Nacht, und ich arbeite den ganzen Tag
Er ist ein Holzfäller und er ist in Ordnung
Er schläft die ganze Nacht, und er arbeitet den ganzen Tag

Ich fälle Bäume, esse ich mein Mittagessen
Ich gehe in die lavat'ry
Am Mittwoch geh ich einkaufen
Und haben Kau Kekse zum Kaffee
Er fällt die Bäume ...
Er ist ein Holzfäller ...

Ich fälle Bäume, ich überspringen und direkt
Ich liebe es, wilde flow'rs drücken
Ich habe auf der Kleidung der Frauen
Und hängen Sie sich in Bars
Er fällt die Bäume ...
Er ist ein Holzfäller ...

Ich fälle Bäume, trage ich High Heels
Suspendies und einen BH
Ich wünschte, ich hätte ein Girlie worden
Genau wie mein Papa
Er fällt die Bäume ...
Er ist ein Holzfäller ...

WAHH! Und ich dachte, du warst so ROBUST!

Anonymous said...

I wouldn't want to be visiting the German beach just now. They are on the North Sea and are just a tad cold and stormy this time of year.

And the cake is, um, well, yeah. Poorly done, let's just leave it there.

wv: cessn. A Hessian who quits work early?

Kelsie said...

It's really rather ironic, but after reading your German - erm - skillz, I remembered that the only phrase in German I know is "Where is my cake?" :D quite appropriate, I'd say. And it was probably what whoever ordered this cake said when they went to pick it up.

~Kels

Anonymous said...

Was I the only one to find my mind in the gutter and see "hear me come"? :| And, yes, I know this is a family friendly blog and any kid who gets that should beat their parents for not protecting their tender, innocent, impressionable, young minds *nods sagely*

Bookmom said...

I've been reading your blog almost since the beginning (I think I caught it when the archives were only a page deep). And as far as sheer depth of wittiness of post, I nominate this for a spot in the top 3. The other would be the Princess Bride references post--delectable, that one, even if the cakes weren't. And I don't really know which one would be the third; there would be so many contenders!

Poop cake translated into German! A masterpiece, especially on THIS cake!

Even funnier: the captcha for this post was also a German word (I speak German). Did you guys do that on purpose, or is it just me who gets to have some fun?

Anonymous said...

Gary, saying "Ich bin ein Berliner" might not be ungrammatical, it is still highly unusual. There might be some dialects where the indefinite article is used in this case but most of us wouldn't do so.

By the way, a Berliner (jelly filled pastry) is called Pfannkuchen in Berlin. Whereas they call Pfannkuchen (pancakes) Eierkuchen (translating into "eggcakes"). Talk about strange dialects.

I guess I'll be dreaming about "Gross unpassend fliegend Fekalie-Kuchen!" tonight. If I can just figure out what those are.
Oh - and I love "die Toiletin". I guess that would be a female toilet? Lovely idea. I really hope it's pink!

Karen said...

Didn't read all the comments (hey, I'm at work!), but you do know that "ich bin ein Berliner" means "I'm a jelly donut," not "I am a citizen of Berlin." To make the latter statement, you must say "ich bin Berliner!" That was JFK's phoh-pah (!). His phlonquais didn't speak the language, obviously1

Sexy Sadie said...

Interesting seeing this soon after seeing the "German Week" episode of Are You Being Served?

Ann said...

Jelly donuts would be ashamed to associate with this cake. Seriously... And the broken sea-shells? REAlly? I mean... W.T.F?!??!!

monanotlisa said...

I truly wish that you as a widely read online blogger would not use such atrocious German - not for my sake; I for one know how to spell properly.

But this comes as across as thoroughly embarrassing for you: Someone mocking terrible spelling (and justly so) yet making the same mistakes out of ignorance and the inability to google?

(Feel free not to publish this, of course; it is rather what I expect.)

Anonymous said...

oh, I loved to read all those comments in german:)

btw: ich bin Berlinerin (und zwar ne echte, wa?!)

Anne☼

Cakey Goodness said...

Du, Dieter, die Hot Dogs spielen heute abend!

Wein? Nein.

Ah, thanks for bringing back the memories of high school German.

Jen said...

Hi monanotlisa,

This is a humor site.

Sorry you missed that part.

Anonymous said...

Dan Bradbury: the Lumberjack Song!? Auf Deutsch!? Sehr gut!!

Monanotlisa: there's no need to capitalize the "s" in "Someone" after a colon. It's easy to make mistakes. Jen was joking.

wildmaven said...

Hhahah... all I remember from my German II class is "Hello, Yochin, where are you?" "I am here, cleaning the car." "You are hardworking, I am surprised."

The last phrase comes in handy with my coworkers, hee hee.

Anonymous said...

Wait wait... can we have ANOTHER comment explaining the JFK berliner/ein berliner faux pas, please?

john (the hubby of Jen) said...

Monanotlisa,

I am actually stunned. Did you really think Jen was being serious with her German rant? Or for that matter, that I was being serious when I misspelled Dunka Shane?

Though I think it's sad that your comment showed your lack of a sense of humor, it got published. Most of the time, as long as you put your name, even the dumbest comments get published.

Have a great day!

john

Mary said...

Hee hee! You said you're a Berliner jelly doughnut!

Jen said...

I have 2 kids that sprachen Sie deutsch and they laughed, and then they translated....and I laughed! heehee!

Rebecca F. said...

Well, I don't speak German. I am Canadian but when I translated it, I read was "This is Spaceship Earth. Epcot! Epcot!"

~Alissa said...

Sehr Gut - Danke alles!

I was just on a German travel website this morning and, I swear, they reminded their readers not to skip over the wonderful, never-crowded beaches.

Auf Wiedersehen!

Anonymous said...

Actually, "I bin ein Berliner" means I am a doughnut.

rascalmom said...

Okay, a friend sent me this blog to read, and I have been going back to the beginning to see each and every awful cake because I have seldom laughed so much. I'm a professional proofreader (promise not to read your blog for that reason!), and whenever a colleague has a birthday, we have an awful time conveying the concept of "Happy birthday, [name]" WITH the comma. But that is a minor infraction compared to the wonderful eyesores you have shown here. Sadly, as a frosting-aholic, I would indeed eat most of them. Most. Thanks for the nonstop laughter, Jen:)

Anonymous said...

LOL It looks like "Hear me come", like Godzilla's about to stomp on Germany.

Anonymous said...

Anyone else ready to jump off a cliff if they read ONE MORE explanation of "jelly donut vs. Berlin resident?" ARGH!!

BTW, John and Jen, I would look at people in your life that you have recently ticked off to figure out if you know "monanotlisa" personally! That rant of hers/his sounded awfully familiar (i.e. from someone who knows you...) to be just from a casual reader. Glad you addressed her/his comments so well!!

Kiwi said...

I gotta say, as a Deutsch-sprecher myself, that giant "Taschenrechner" made me laugh pretty hard. Good show.

The Black Dog said...

To me, it looks like the cake said "Germany, hear me come!"

Say that out loud and see if your mind does not go to the dirty place.

Haiku Joy said...

When this cake beached on
The blog, I promptly thought "Some-
thing 'special' this way . . ."

wv:brosesc

What you hear when the honeymoon suite is in the family bed-and-breakfast.

Gary said...

Anonymous said...
"Wait wait... can we have ANOTHER comment explaining the JFK berliner/ein berliner faux pas, please?"

OK. Kennedy said, "Ich bit en Berliner," which he thought meant, "Bite me, Berliners," when what it really means is, "I bit a jelly donut in Spaceship Earth at Epcot."

Bree said...

I thought they stuck potato chips underneath the cake. It would make sense since it's already unappealing.

My late grandmother was German and probably would have laughed at that excuse for a dessert.

Gary said...

Here's the Kennedy "Berliner" speech on YouTube. See for yourself:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hH6nQhss4Yc

Anonymous said...

Tanja:

Another German here:
Fekalie-Kuchen I think really nice. Actually it is Faekaliekuchen (we have that nice "a" with two dots on top of it which is the shortcut for ae) and it simply means Cake of Sh*t. Wonderfully appropriate in this case! Which is to show how good Jen's teacher was. Really! ;o)

Seashells? Of course! We have, in fact, two coasts: One on the side of the Northern Sea - the other on the coast of the Baltic Sea. Although I think we are far more famous for sauerkraut, lederhosen, eisbein, blasmusik and oktoberfest. Sadly so

Stefan said...

Apparently this Berliner thing is really difficult, even for native speakers.

At least native speakers instinctively know that the phrase doesn't express anything about donuts, and they also sense that the grammar isn't wrong. Nevertheless "I'm a citizen of Berlin" would be "Ich bin Berliner" - no "ein" in the sentence. But Kennedy was still right. He wanted to express that he was on the side of the citizens of Berlin, that he was a Berlin supporter. And in this case the "ein" is not only correct, it's required.

I know I won't convince many people - the myth is just too strong, but I console myself with being right. :-)

I also just checked and found wikipedia agrees with me (good job wikipedians). So you can have a look there if you like.

Anonymous said...

you're a jelly donut? how does that fit in haha

msyendor said...

One gawd-awful novelty seashell seat donut. Flush well. Maybe twice just to be sure.

robyn said...

Actually it looks exactly like an anus to me. Being a nurse, I've seen more than my share of them.

9_9

Sara said...

ha! I love this post simply because from my 2 years of german the only thing I remember how to say is "du bist ein Milchmix, Ich bin der taschen rechner" (you are a milkshake, I am a pocket calculator) and you said taschen rechner. heh heh

Anonymous said...

POCKET CALCULATOR????
LMAO XD

Carrie Stuart said...

LOVE this! German was my foreign language all through high school and into college. Thanks for that great laugh! And glad to see others bring up the "I'm a jelly donut" translation, as well...I love that story. I'm living in Japan and love all the Engrish here...what would one call things lost in translation from English to German? Deutschish?

Anonymous said...

Sehr sehr wunderbar. Sorry to burst your intense bubble of insane German skillz, but it's "Wo sind die Toiletten?" Oh, they joys of German heritage. Also, the difference is the "ein" in front of Berliner. It defines whether you are a pastry or a native of Berlin.

Jennifer said...

Jen and John: I am reminded of a line from "Iron Man", when Pepper Potts comes in to tell Stark's reporter "friend" that it was time to leave. I quote: "I do anything and everything Mr. Stark requires. Including occasionally taking out the trash."

Monanotlisa: Please find the door you came in, and go back out again.

Jen: Hilarious post, as usual! In our house, we just try to avoid waking the kids!! Never thought to warn another country!

Heidi D said...

HA! Dunker shane. :)

Is the cake meant to be a warning to Germany?

Scrapnmafia said...

Du Bist ein Kluggsheiser!!!

For all of those "sprecchen zie Deutch"!!

moonfall86 said...

What kind of cake IS that (besides the obvious "poop-cake" comment)? Please tell me that's not supposed to be German chocolate. It looks like a dirty coffee filter.

Anonymous said...

i'm pretty sure the cake is a pre-made LaRocca brand cake. the seashells are NOT part of the cake LOL.

Sharon B said...

Homophones. Pesky homophones.

Homonyms are less pesky for cakes, as they are spelt the same way so no one will notice. The cake decorator might be confused, but thankfully no one else will be.

Meanwhile, only one anonymous comment out of 142 comments pointed this out? I was expecting an avalanche of corrections of EPCOT proportions. Where are my fellow pedants? Why aren't they rushing to the defence of the humble homophone?

Anne said...

I don't speak German, but when I entered the text in to Yahoo's babel fish, It was the funniest moment of my day!

Anonymous said...

Oh yes, yesssss! That's what she said..

Wonder how you say "I'll have what she had " in German?

Nikki said...

Bakes poo souffle...ha ha ha ha....

Tasha said...

What a coincidence! I just posted 22 awesome German insults on my blog today. Unfortunately, cake wrecker is not among them, though I may have to add it. Hamster-freer and Garden-gnome-putter-upper are on there though :]

www.tashamazing.blogspot.com

Anonymous said...

It's funny how many people think they actually know German even if they don't. Well, JFK's "Ich bin ein Berliner" can mean both definitions. BUT the real meaning gets clear by the context AND the intonation. And to those of you who claim only one way of expressing citizenship, let me tell you that there are MANY MANY dialects in German (you can hear a difference within only a couple of miles). So putting an "ein" into your sentence is totally fine where I am from. Maybe not where you are from. But that is fine and I would never say it is wrong to call a jelly-dougnut a "Pfannkuchen" or "Krapfen" even if this is not how I would call it. So PLEASE, stop talking about doughnuts and JFK in one sentence. I know I sound way too German here (I don't intend to be one of those stiff, cold Germans) but ever since I started studying languages I get annoyed by this kind of comments...

la_aser said...

Gross inappropriate Fekalie fly pie!
Calculators!
Where IS the Toiletin? Fun to drive?
Ich bin ein Berliner! Fast! Fast!

Aaron said...

They actually did do the Lumberjack Song in German.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gY4PI5MIALY
It's a little bit different from the good translation here, in order to fit the tune more properly.

Aaron said...

Actually there were two different versions. This one is with Eric Idle and was the one I'm more familiar with.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aiVOG199X2c

Na said...

I was told by one instructor, herself a Berliner (oder, Berlinerin?), that the folks listening to JFK laughed because he inserted the "ein" when he didn't need to, that what truly endeared him to them was that he was TRYING to speak German and to express solidarity of a "citizen of the world" sort, but the slight grammatical error combined with a delight at the effort on his part were what produced the laughter.

And. Ew. If I saw that cake, I'd run away schnell.

Anonymous said...

*points at himself*
Another reader from germany. :-)
This "german" was hilarious.

Petrina said...

HAHAHAHAHA!!!! I'm laughing so hard I'm crying! I especially love the translations! Go Jen!! :D

~* Aria *~ said...

Horribly enough, that is 100% correct cursive. Most of us alter out cursive to look better. Look hard and you can see the W. Most letters start with the writing instrument on the bottom line and returns there between characters.

Yinas said...

hey there listen up, a german reader speaking! :D
(well actually Austrian, but you never get the difference...)

"Fahrvergnugen" is not gibberish (read that somewhere in the first 100 comments, didnt go through the rest - yet! haha!)
"Fahrvergnugen" would directly translate to "driving pleasure" ;)
there you have it
now it all makes sense

and yes, JFK was a donut for saying that. so? still made for the coolest character in CloneHigh :D

TrishaHughes said...

It looks like, Hear ME come! That's what I thought it said at first!

Ann said...

My heartfelt thanks to Dan Bradbury for translating "The Lumberjack Song" to German for us.

And here's a suggestion for ~Alyssa: Get the stick out of your butt, honey-bubbles. It was sarcasm.

Ann said...

My heartelf thanks to Dan Bradbury for translating "The Lumberjack Song" to German for us.

And here's a suggestion for ~Alyssa: Get the stick out of your ass, honey-bubble. It was sarcasm.

Heather Allen said...

I never think of Germany as a tropical vacation spot...but the seashells have me reconsidering!

Debra said...

Jen, I got so excited when I saw the post title and cake- I thought perhaps you were doing a second "World Tour" (for the paperback edition?) and you were announcing your first stop would be Germany! You really should think about coming to visit your Deutschland fans soon ;)

Anke said...

Pfui Teufel....

Katschuka said...

Well, i'm german and I guess you meant Fekalien-Kuchen and Wo ist die Toilette.

Anonymous said...

is anyone else seeing a used coffee filter on the top?

Cortney-

Anonymous said...

Jen I laughed until I cried!!! This is one hysterical cake!!

Someday I'll even remember my google password.. Terri

Blue Jean said...

And "Berliner" is used as the word for jelly doughnut, contrary to a previous poster's comment. You can find them in most any bakery in Germany.

I didn't say "Berliner" isn't a word for" jelly doughnut"; I said "Jelly doughnuts might be called "berlinners" in other parts of Germany, but they're called "pfankuchen" in Berlin."

Reading is fundamental.

Gary said...

If anybody hasn't read Mark Twain's essay on "The Awful German Language," get to the library and read it now.

My favorite line from it: "In German, a turnip has a sex, but a young lady has none."

Anonymous said...

okay so i am from germany
" big inappropriate flying excrement cake. calculator. where is the toilet? driving pleasure? I am a citizen of Berlin. fast. fast"
still not making too much sense plus a lot of things are spellt wrong.

Anonymous said...

serves them right for invading Poland

Anonymous said...

"Ich bin Berliner" means "I am from Berlin." "Ich bin EIN Berliner" means "I am a donut."

Anonymous said...

Calculator!

Anonymous said...

Funny how you've sparked such controversy with your witty remarks. It's too bad that the whole Berliner thing overshadowed the wreckiness of this cake and your clever wit. I get you Jen. This post was one of the best... comments aside.

Anonymous said...

Babel fish lied!!!

So really its: "flying Fekalie cakes! Pocket calculator!! Where are the toilets? Fahrvergnugen? I am a jelly donut! Fast! Fast!"

Culinarychiq said...

AWESOME wreck Jen! My hovercraft is full of eels and my nipples explode with delight! hee hee (yeah I know that's supposed to be Hungarian but I still think it fits;)

Anonymous said...

HA! I'm that German kid!
and btw a "Berliner" is a jelly doughnut not a citizen of Berlin. LOL!!!!

Anonymous said...

Another German here.
One thing though, there are no sea shells, that's a plate with a sea shell pattern/motiv. Just saying, you know us German's have to have alles in Ordnung.
I enjoy your blog, it's really funny and your comments are hilarious, even the discombobulated German one.
Anyone not finding it funny, doesn't get your refined sense of humour, shame on them.
Caroline

Anonymous said...

ya im a jelly doughnut 2!!!!

Anonymous said...

Honestly I think it says "hear me come." Aber das macht nicht. :)

Eine alte Dame said...

Ich haette gern so ein Kuchen beim Abfahrt nach Deutschland als Studentin.

Wahrsheinlich haben die Nachbarn mich auch ab und zu gehoert. ;-)

roxfoxpatox said...

Hey, another German here! Yes, indeed, I am from Bavaria! And very grateful by the way, that Bier and Oktoberfest was not in your comment:)

But what I really don't get: why would anyone write either of the 2 versions on a cake? ;D

repetitious said...

... It looks like a rectum.

Anonymous said...

I also read it as "Germany hear me come", but I saw the visual as ummm a feminine form ala Georgia O'Keefe

Anonymous said...

Fekalie was improperly spelled.... I believe it was supposed to say "Huge Ugly Flying Fecal (matter) Cake!"

And yes Jen, you are a jelly doughnut....our very favorite jelly doughnut.


And John, if you're looking to keep it German kid-friendly, I suggest removing the post from Tigerwolf at 9:41 am :)

Anonymous said...

Hey, has anyone mentioned that a Berliner is also a doughnut?
.
.
.
Oh.

Why do so many cakes have to look like poo? Is it a subconcious 'eat this to the detriment of your colon and pancreas' message?

WV Prograys. Professional pensioners

Becky said...

Oh man, this brings back memories (of my 4 years of high school German! Booyah! I mean, um, Ich sprache Deutsche besser. Or something like that.)

And every time I see "Ich bin ein Berliner" I think of my teacher telling us that it really meant "I'm a jelly doughnut." Which is actually rather appropriate for this blog!

Jessica N. said...

Das kuchen ist sehr toll! Wo ist der WC?

slkparsons said...

As a public school German teacher, I am so proud!

I am trying to find a way to share this post with my students, but your site is blocked by my school's internet filter!

Now of course, "Ich bin ein Berliner" means "I am a jelly donut". JFK should have said "Ich bin Berliner" to say he was a citizen of Berlin. But I am sure as a public school German alumna you already knew that! ; )

Lisbeth Eng said...

Sehr lustig, Jen! I'm not fluent in German by any stretch of the imagination but I must tell you (Entschuldigen Sie, bitte, for correcting) that the WC in Deutschland is spelled Toilette (plural: Toiletten).
Aber.... I enjoy your blog tremendously and recommend it to all my Freunde! Please visit mine at www.lisbetheng.com. It's called "World War II...with a German accent." Not NEARLY as much fun as yours, as you might guess from the title!
Tschuss!
Lisbeth

Jellycar said...

Oh dear. Were are my earplugs?

About the shells: We do have some nice beaches in the north of Germany! Let global warming do the rest.

nike_victory said...

Actually, depending on context, "Ich bin ein Berliner" can either mean "I am one with/a citizen of Berlin" or "I am a jelly doughnut."

Anna Keizer said...

Never thought anything German could be that funny. Laughing so hard my stomach hurts.

Anonymous said...

Largely mismatching flying Fekalie cakes! Pocket calculator!! Where is the Toiletin? Driving pleasure? I am a citizen of Berlin! Fast! Fast!

...What the heck? I was being naughty and reading your posts in my chemistry class, and seriously started busting a gut at this. Nice.

Wienerin said...

"Ich bin ein Berliner" means "I am a jelly donut". JFK should have said "Ich bin Berliner" to say he was a citizen of Berlin"

I don't agree. As a German speaker I can tell you that you can say "Ich bin ein Münchener, ich bin ein Wiener, ich bin ein Berliner"...

The confusion with the jelly doughnut is always there, since Jelly Donut is also "ein Berliner".

So true, his words could be misunderstood, but he made no mistake. It's just an unfortunate coincidence that jelly donuts are called Berliner.

Renee said...

It actually says "I am a donut" as a berliner is a type of donut not a citizen of Berlin. It's quite the joke in Germany.

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