Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Look Out, Germany

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

I don't mean to brag, but I'm pretty much an expert on the German language. Yep. Two point five years of public high school German right heeere, playah! In fact, I would be saying all this "auf Deutsch," but I don't want to dazzle y'all with my linguistic...um...awesomeness.

Anyway, I mention this because today's Wreck is so hilariously horrendous that I may have to lapse into German to adequately describe it.


Here goes:

Gross unpassend fliegend Fekalie-Kuchen!
Wo IST die Toiletin? Fahrvergnügen?
Ich bin ein Berliner!
Schnell! Schnell!

Ahem. Well, I think that gets the point across.

It should be noted that the cake was supposed to read, "Germany, HERE we come!" (Ah, those pesky, hilarity-inducing homonyms.)

Whether the cake was supposed to look like a baked poo souffle with a side of #2 nuggets, however, is anyone's guess. (Although I'm guessing "no.")

Hey, Sarah R., keep it down, will ya?

- Related Wreckage: Oh, It Sends a Message, Alright

Note from john: Since I don't sprecht Deutsch, I don't know what half of you are saying. Please, no clever Germanic cussing. There's probably at least one German kid that reads this blog. Dunker Shane.
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SEWilco said...

Der cakenpuf ist nein fur fingerpoken!

Anonymous said...

I do believe that "Ich bin ein Berliner!" actually translates into something like, "I am a donut", because a berliner is a type of pastry... "Ich bin Berliner" would be "I am a person of Berlin". I learned that from Eddie Izzard!

Jenny said...

Da hast Du ganz recht, John, es gibt einige Deutsch sprechende Super-Jen-Leser!
Jennifer in Switzerland

AJHussong said...

Just when I thought I couldn't love this blog any more, along comes a reference to Eddie Izzard! Fantabulous!

Anonymous said...

I am quite sure you are not a native German speaker. What kind of translation device did you use? Sadly, it's gibberish. I am natibe German, so I will try to translate it back:
"Great unfitting, flying fecal-matter-cake.
Poket calculator! Where is the Toiletin (I assume you meant restroom, the German version would be Toilette.)? Driving pleaure? I am a citizen of Berlin (Could also be a type of pastry similar to a doughnut.)! Quick! Quick!

Stef said...

Hee, the comments are almost as funny as the cake. I usually only read your hilarious posts, but this was just some fantastic know-it-all bait.

I'd like to thank all my fellow Germans for thoroughly debunking that nasty rumor that we are humorless pedants. Myth busted! *hust/cough*

Anonymous said...

Fahrvernugen means something like driving pleasure, something you'd supposedly get with using a VW. At least more pleasure than this poo brown cake.

slkparsons said...

To Wienerin - I had always been taught that when you are telling your occupation or nationality you are supposed to omit the article, like "Ich bin Deutschlehrerin" and not "Ich bin eine Deutschlehrerin". Clearly my intent that I am a German teacher would be understood, but it is not technically grammatically correct. So, yes, everyone knew what JFK meant by his statement, but wasn't this still a grammatical error?

I'm asking as a teacher wanting to learn from a native speaker, not as a jerk so please don't take offense.

kimc said...

ok, what does "pocket calculator" have to do with anything? :-)

Jennifer said...

Mein Gott im Himmel. Was ist loss mit diese personnen?

Becca said...

I think I might have nightmares about lampreys tonight.

Birgit said...

This cake is indeed funny! I'm a German woman (thirty something) - and I thought this cake was meant to be frightening (because we didn't ...ehm... join the war against Irak). Okay, maybe I wasted to much time with the SIMPSONS and FUTURAMA :-)))

Anonymous said...

Largely mismatching flying Fekalie cakes!
Pocket calculator!!
Where is the Toiletin? Driving pleasure?
I am a citizen of Berlin! Fast! Fast!


Anonymous said...

poo souffle with a side of #2 nugets! HA! lmfao!

Ellen S said...

Ich spreche ein Deutscher, aber nicht viel, und DAS ist, was mein On-Line-Übersetzer mir für diese Überschrift gab:Largely improperly flying Fekalie cake!
Pocket calculator!!
Where IS the Toiletin? Driving pleasure?
I am a Berliner! Quick! Quick! Ja. Hat viel Sinn zu mir auch nicht. Oh so, noch ein komisches Wrack - auf einigen Niveaus. Oi kommt Deutschland - hier JETZT!

Anna said...

I totally saw an anus too... Surrounded by poo shells. And "Hear me come!" (It totally doesn't look like we to me...)

Anonymous said...

My four year old is here with me. Just about every cake he saw he wanted. Until we got to this one--Ew, gross. That one has poop balls. I don't want that one. I don't like poop balls.

Heather O. said...

Mensch! Die Leute! (The closest I can come to "Oh The humanity!)

These comments are almost better than the cake itself.

I commend you, Jen, for your ausgezeichnet Deutsch. I studied it a thousand years ago when I was young and cute, and even then I never knew the word for pocket calculator. Thanks so much for the education.

And how do we know that JFK didn't mean exactly what he said? I mean, who WOULDN'T want to be a jelly-filled doughnut? Let's give the guy a little credit.

Caroline said...

Am I the only person who had their translator tell them that "Fahrvergnügen?" is "Driving Pleasure?" Because that really makes that "hear me come" so much more enjoyable.

My cheeks hurt from laughing so much, thank you!

Anonymous said...

Hallo, wreckarator. Ihre unpassende Grammatik und fremd backround versagen, mich zu amüsieren. Zustimmung. Sie haben mich gefangen, der über den suckiness lacht,. und der deutsche Text!

I dont know German. I used a online translator.


Maja said...

I'm from Germany, too!
Love the way you write dankeschön.
I think I'm going to pronounce it your way from now on...:)

Anonymous said...

SDL claims: Largely unsuitably flying Fekalie cake! Pocket computer!! Where IS the Toiletin? Load pleasure? I am a Berliner! Fast! Fast!

i got that 'load pleasure' in!! i dont think anyone else [out of the first 10 comments i actually read] translated that. what 'load pleasure' is supposed to mean however, i have NO clue...

Anonymous said...

schoen. und die 'toiletin' ist toilette. ich weiss dass du warscheinlich keinen deutsch wirklich kennst. so now you get to look this up. :)love your blog!

Anonymous said...

It translate to- Gross inappropriate flying fecal cakes! Calcualators! Where IS the Toilet? Driving? I am a Berliner! Quick! Quick!

MissNay said...

When you said "Largely unsuitably flying Fekalie cake! Pocket computer!! Where IS the Toiletin? Load pleasure? I am a Berliner! Fast! Fast!" on your blog, my life was altered forever. Never again will I be called the same. Thank you. My world has been opened.... And I don't know why, but I totally want to eat the poop balls. THey just look light and airy, chocolatey and delicious.

JRW said...

The German is, of course, the icing on the cake.

(inadvertent pun)

I believe it translates roughly to something like "Holy failing flying fecal cake! Calculators!! Where IS the toilet? Driving? I'm a jelly donut! Quick!! Quick!!"

NB: In this case, I've substituted "holy" instead of "large" for "gross;" it improves the readability.



Anonymous said...

Alrighty, so according to my defective computer translator, that that was:

Large mismatching flying Fekalie Cakes! Pocket calculator!! Where is the Toiletin Fahrvergnugen? I am a citizen of Berlin! Fast! Fast!

Awesomely hilarious! Although I'm still not sure what we're looking for here.

Anonymous said...

She actually said,
"Big, improper cake of fecal matter!
Where IS the female toilet? Driving?
I am a jelly doughnut [a Berliner is a doughnut that originated in Berlin that contains jelly]! Fast! Fast!

Anonymous said...

Gross inappropriate flying fecal cake ! Calculators ! Where IS the toilet ? Driving ? I am a Berliner! Quick! Quick!

Cupcakes Lady said...

Hear Me Come! No ..your okay thank you. Save it for the bedroom my friend. ;) xx

Anonymous said...

=D Hi I'm a German exchange kid and I love your blog.Maybe you should work on your German, but anyway, good job!

Anonymous said...

As a German major, lemme point out that "Fahrvergnügen" was a Volkwagen commercial. It translates to driving enjoyment, und ich habe keine Idee was die Autorin meint. Aber das war ja lustig. Dank für das Gelächter!


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