Monday, January 4, 2010

Curbing Their Enthusiasm

Monday, January 4, 2010

I can't quite put my finger on it, but something about these cakes seems to be a little, uh...

anticlimactic? [smirk]

Well, less than enthusiastic, anyway.



Then there are the smart alecs:

Oops!



At least you can always count on your co-workers to wish you well:

From what I hear, unless Jenn detonates Tabasco-soaked barbed explosives in her hoo-haw for a living, then odds are the delivery is gonna be a BIT more "pain full then" her job. But that's just what I hear. ;)


And we all have those friends who are especially supportive:


All things considered, though, this last cake is definitely the most inconceivable:

Yep, nothing says "Yours is a tragedy that might have been avoided" quite like a cake decorated with real birth control pills. For the women of Oregon! Onward!


Becca S., Lisa S., Ying K., Brittany C., Jenn M., Erin K., & Emily S., this thread on what childbirth feels like is probably the most effective (not to mention hilarious) contraception I've seen.

- Related Wreckage: Mixed Signals


NOTE: No, that last one wasn't really a baby shower cake - but wouldn't it've been funny if it was?
obiwankendrobi said...

My my. That birth control laden cake...I have no words for.
I did have quite a chuckle at the "so you ruined your life" cake.

Christy said...

The Marge cake is my favorite for so many reasons... #1 being her amputated hand.

Shasta said...

I love the one with Marge Simpson! Hard-core Simpsons fans probably recognize the joke: that's what Marge's shower cake (or is it a card? I don't remember) says when she finds out she is pregnant with Bart.

AnneMarie said...

LOL! At least with delivering a baby, they give you great drugs. You only feel as much as you want to. You can't get that kind of satisfaction at work. On the OTHERHAND, you can QUIT your job, can't do that with parenthood.

Patricia said...

"So you've ruined your life" is the name of the pamphlet that Dr. Hibbert gave to Marge when he told her that she was pregnant! I love it!

Kimberly Chapman said...

The Marge cake is actually a real Simpsons joke (it's a book the doctor gives to Marge when she gets pregnant), so those who are fans would find it funny (and thus not really a wreck) for that reason.

But if the recipient wasn't a Simpsons fan, then it'd be a wreck for sure.

jedijson said...

What's wrong with Marge's hand? Did I miss an episode or something?
And, in all honesty, I'd rather see a cake with birth control pills on it over seeing a cake with condoms. I mean, lesser of two evils and all that.

shikishinobi said...

Oh dear God! Alright! Sure! I can live with that!
I can barely read the second cake, henceforth if I had to have one of those cakes, I'd probably have that one. At least I wouldn't know if I was being insulted or not.
Cake 4 looks like a South Park extraction.
Cake 5 raised my eyebrows the most. But I have to agree with the comments, I cannot name one job that is as painful as childbirth that isn't life-finishing.
Xake 6 was a no, and the last one was a good laugh. Good hunting people!

ryglights said...

How on earth did the baker get so many REAL birth control pills for that cake?? Those things aren't sold over-the-counter, are they?

Maybe they bought them in Canada....!

Anonymous said...

"So You've Ruined Your Life" is the pamphlet Dr.Hibbards gives Marge when she finds out she's pregnant with Bart.

Becky Crider said...

"Congrat's" makes me want to cry... Though I love the Marge Simpson one; takes me back to when I used to actually watch the Simpsons!!! :D

feathergirl said...

I love the Marge cake and the birth control cake (which is expensive just because of the toppings).

Half Assed Kitchen said...

awesome post. i mean seriously great. i loved it.

Tamara Mitchell said...

DETONATING TOBASCO-SOAKED BARBED EXPLOSIVES IN HER HOO-HAW???!!!!! I can't breathe! That's your funniest comment since the "perverted vegetable rodeo". I LOVE this blog!

WV: cednesti, as in "you cednesti things about where she put aforementioned Tobasco-soaked barbed explosives!"

Miranda said...

LOL the pills. Must have been done by someone at Planned Parenthood!

As for me...h00t h00t hysterectomy! I shall not be the target of any of these cakes!

Jennie said...

The Marge cake is a reference to an episode of the Simpsons in which Marge and Homer find out they're pregnant. The doctor gives them a brochure titled "So you've ruined your life" with a picture of a pregnant woman on it.

But that cake is still wrecky.

Anonymous said...

Were the creators of the first two cakes just afraid of using the dreaded apostrophe? Probably been burned too many times by it. No such fear on the third one, I see...

Noni Mausa said...

Looking at the pill-laden cake, I can see why they had so many birth control pills on hand -- I zoomed in on the visible label and found "Planned Parenthood." An office party, I would guess.

I find it interesting that this particular cake has a pink rose ("friendship / love") and also orchids ("passion -- friendliness or love not required") Look up the derivation of the word "orchid" for a small coffee-snort.
PS: I think that crying baby cake is actually a CCC. Let me be the first to provide the ceremonial patooie.

PATOOIE!

Thenk yew.



vw "pefujig" = patooie in Swedish

Anonymous said...

May the delivery
Be Less Pain Full
then your Job

Congratulations
Jenn
***********************************
What, no "you're"?

I'm not so sure that this is Jenn's cake. I think maybe someone named Jenn sent the wrong e-mail to the baker. My guess is that this was meant to go to Jenn's colleague, the mother-to-be.

What I can tell for sure is that they made the new mother play a disturbing round of "guess what type of baby food is in this diaper" at the shower. There's always a really classy cake to go along with the festivites at such a bash. Blech.

Carol said...

ROFL....no no no...you've got it ALL wrong...it's EPCOT!!!

Why people assume you don't "get" the jokes, I'll never understand, lol. :)

Mary Connealy said...

I missed you on Saturday but you have my blessing to take a day off a week.

Click on this link for a chance to win a copy of my latest release The Husband Tree.

http://seekerville.blogspot.com/

Anonymous said...

No need to break into the supply of birth control pills-- looking at this cake while at a Planned Parenthood office party would probably quash every sexual impulse anyone in the room ever had, forevermore.


wv: nopreb-- You want these packs intact or open? We could sprinkle them on like candy, nopreb!

dulcinea said...

"detonates Tabasco-soaked barbed explosives in her hoo-haw" has got to be one of the funniest descriptions of childbirth ever, and certainly far less painful than the grammar on that cake.

Gonna be laughing about those "Tabasco-soaked barbed explosives" for some time to come.

Anonymous said...

When I was pregnant, it seemed like everyone wanted to tell me all their labor horror stories.

After seeing these cakes, I am surprised no one worked terms like "episiotomy" or "back labor" onto the cake at the shower.

But then again, that may have been exclusively due to the fear of spelling errors.


WV: coadc-- "Git yer cameras ready, girls, cuz this here's whatcha call a coadc moment."

Little Lovables said...

I'm sure the real birth control pills were temporarily donated by the friends of the pregnant lady.

But wow, these are hilarious!!! Hopefully, the cake recipient has a great sense of humor

Berber said...

I wonder if the last one was supposed to say 'Organon' (a manufacturer of BC pills) instead of 'Oregon'. That's the only way I can make sense of it...

Anonymous said...

Yeah, the birth control cake was probably made when the Oregon Legislature passed legislation requiring all health care plans to cover prescription birth control.

Tainda said...

"Detonating Tobasco-Soaked Barbed Explosives In Her Hoo-Haw"

THE best description of childbirth since Carol Burnett described it "pull your bottom lip up over your head"

Bek said...

The worst thing about the birth control cake is that the ribbons look like gross used condoms you might find outside somewhere - all dried and shriveled from the sun. Just gross.

WV: resstiv - "Boss, what should I do with the resstiv these pills?" "Oh, just throw 'em on a cake and call it a party"

jj said...

I really love the Marge cake, except that the icing looks like it's been through a sand storm or something.

nanpan said...

The Simpson cake is actually pretty funny to the hardcore Simpson fans out there. I would have laughed if someone got me that for a baby shower, because I know the reference, and love The Simpsons.

Etiquette Bitch said...

Okay, I wanna know the story behind the Women of Oregon cake. I wonder if this was commemorating a state law requiring insurance to cover birth control pills? I know we had to fight for that in Illinois and California (men get viagra covered, but women don't get BC pills? BullS---.)

re: "pain full then" -- when I applied to work retail all over CA, they made me take a personality/ethics test.("If you saw a coworker stealing, what would you do?")

I'm thinking all chain/retail bakeries need to make their decorators take a basic spelling and grammar test. Sheesh.

Terry Lee said...

okay, first of all, i've wet my britches yet again, laughing so hard at all of these wrecks.

for the uninitiated, that's a direct result of birthing three babies in my lifetime. something they fail to mention at the baby showers.

not sure if it's intended or not, but as a curb your enthusiasm freak, the birth control pill cake reminded me of the benadryl brownie episode.

hoo haw indeed. frickin' hilarious. if this is what happens when you take saturdays off, perhaps a vacation is in order!

awesome post!

frantically heidi said...

As a woman of Oregon, I have to ask: Why don't they want us to reproduce?

Anonymous said...

"Tabasco-soaked barbed explosives in her hoo-haw for a living"

HAH! I had to read that a couple times, just since it was too funny. Oh Jen, seriously, I sometimes wonder about you! ;P
Very hilarious post!

Anonymous said...

@Terry Lee--

They didn't fail to mention it at MY baby shower! lol

--anony 11:06 (aka CC)


wv: seateat-- What Tarzan means to say is, "Please sit down. It's time for dinner now."

Fencey said...

Please tell me I'm not the only one who thought the crying babyface cake was a man with a giant mustache at first.

girlnblack77 said...

Just my $.02 on the birth control cake:
The 'ribbons' at the corners... is it just me, or do those totally look like unfurled cores of toilet tissue?
Note to self: ribbons should be any color *other than* paper bag brown.

Anonymous said...

Is that fly paper on the last cake?

But good for the Oregon legislature -- at last.

another Jen

Marji said...

So, um what exactly is that last cake "celebrating?"

And I disagree with AnneMarie -- I had fast labors and the hospital knew it, so I didn't get ANY drugs.

I still have nightmares about being in labor.

min. said...

That baby CCC looks like it has two rabbits jumping over a tree stump into a pool of oil on it. I don't even think I'm reading too much into it by saying that.


Also, it's the first baby shower cake that's supposed to look like a baby that I'd want to see ripped apart, just so no one would have to look at it anymore. Especially the part where the "oil" leaked under the white icing to form some kind of birthmark over the mouth.

Deirdre said...

This blog saved me from my family during Christmas break. Whenever I had a little too much of the relatives (including my own kids), I escaped into the office, where the muffled snorts of laughter, wheezes, and gasps for breath inevitably led to someone commenting, "Oh, she's reading that cake blog again."

Dang, you are funny. Enjoy "you're" days off.

Bookworm said...

Oh dear.....The second cake is actually super cute, I love the colors and neat patterns. Too bad the text is super enthusiastic....not.

Karasu said...

Am I the only one who at first thought the first one said "It is a bog"?

Mandy said...

LOVE the Princess Bride reference! I truly do *heart* you, Jen!

My jaw dropped at the birth control cake...ZOMG!

lisadh said...

I like the little booties on the first one. Cute!

The Boob Nazi said...

This might be my favorite post ever written on this blog.

WkSocMom said...

You are just awesome...the bcp cake, I just don't get it. Love the work cake, hee hee.

Stoich91 said...

Wow...nothing says "Congratulations" like "Congratulations" without the "!" AND a despairing message, to boot (yeah, your job is pretty bad, but don't worry, because pregnancy isn't any better). Wow, again. Way to go in the encouragment dept??? :)

Anonymous said...

To be fair to the first decorator, at least (s)he took the safe route when (s)he didn't know which version of its/it's to use. I'm sympathetic; I always forget the rule. However, I can usually take the 30 seconds to look it up. ;)

SharonCville said...

In your link, the original comment "Take your lower lip and pull it over your head" is from a famous (well, used to be famous) routine of Bill Cosby's. If you haven't heard it, you should-- it will leave you gasping for breath.

"When the second contraction hit, my wife stood up-- in the stirrups-- and told everyone in the delivery room that my parents were never married..."

The Black Dog said...

I'm loving the Marge cake because it's totally a Simpsons reference, and I hope the person who got that cake got the joke as well.

Still, "tobasco-soaked barbed explosives in her hoo-haw" is the comment of the day! To make this comment even funnier, the word verification for me to post is "deadly"

Suzanne :-) said...

Your Tabasco comment reminds me a lot of Lorelai Gilmore's description of childbirth (Gilmore Girls). I believe she said it was along the lines of doing the splits on a crate of dynamite.

g. said...

hilarious cakes, but as a new mom, I warn other moms-to-be, do NOT read that thread! that's just horrifying. descriptions may be worse than reality :)

deromanticize said...

Having just come from the gynecologist, where someone's baby was crying for the entire hour I was there, these cakes are perfect for reinforcing my joy over never planning to conceive. No screaming children and no baby shower cake wreck! Win-win situation! The screaming baby with "Good Luck!" is my favorite.

Herouth said...

Looking at the birth control cake, the first thing that came to mind was: "Somebody must seriously have it in for Oregon children".

Culinarychiq said...

I was gonna say, that last one must've been one expensive cake if it WAS real! These are just too funny, LOVE the sarcasm on cakes 4 and 5 and gold star for the Simpsons reference (Shasta, I believe it came from a pamphlet Dr. Hibbert gave Marge when she found out about Bart:)

To be honest, I wouldn't mind getting a sarcastic funny cake myself, sugary sweet and cuddly just isn't me:-D

Rachel Leastlikely said...

...why did i read that thread, why?

you know, i realize it's a human life and all, but if in the 21st century i'm not even expected to get a wisdom tooth pulled without sedation, i don't think i'd be turning down that epidural.

LuciaB said...

The link is hilarious, as is the tendency of any group of women to eventually end up comparing labor stories. My girlfriends have told me I'm not allowed to tell the story of giving birth to my daughter. I had a quick and wonderful home birth, my story starts "It was this gorgeous Sunday morning in February, it was so warm there were early spring flowers in the yard. . . ." About this point my friends throw things at me and leave in disgust LOL

Erik said...

I'm impressed though by the "So you've ruined your life", correct use of apostrophes and the right your! Not so much on the "Congrat's" though.

April said...

I'm a little less proud to be an Oregonian right now...

Aviatrix said...

Looks like some wreckerators were so cowed by your mocking their exclamation points that they are afraid to put any on at all.

I love the "less pain full than your job" cake. It would be pure win if it weren't for the poor spacing and the misspelling. Unless perhaps the mom-to-be is a layout editor and making the CAKE as painful as her job.

This is where I press the SUBMIT button and hope you don't have eleven comments in your moderation queue that say the exact same thing.

Anonymous said...

Gahh! What's with all these people finding the Tabasco comment funny?! That's horrifying! And the labor description link... I think I'll go whimper in a corner now.

Anonymous said...

Speaking as a "Woman of Oregon" I think I'd rather see a cake with a vasectomy depicted.

Katie Bug said...

Aww, that second cake was actually pretty. Too bad they couldn't think of something better to write on it!

Rachael said...

*sigh* what timing! my c-section (baby #2) is scheduled for less than 3 weeks away. I think I'm going to go hide now. :)

Meg said...

For everyone saying that the Marge cake isn't a wreck because it's a Simpson's reference that fans will understand:
Go back, look at the cake. It looks like it has been dropped in the dirt and re-iced, and like there was only enough icing to make 3/4 of the flower frame. It's still a wreck...

Lesa Pinker said...

I wish I'd thought of doing the Marge Simpson quote on my baby shower cake!

Here's the script from the Simpsons episode "I Married Marge":

Dr. Hibbert breaks the news.

Dr.H: Well, uh, Miss Bouvier,
I think we've found the reason why you've been
throwing up in the morning.
Congratulations.
Homer: D'oh!

Homer's ``D'oh'' echoes through the hospital.

Dr.H: Perhaps this pamphlet will prove helpful. [hands over a pamphlet]
Marge: [reads] So you've ruined your life.
-- Marge learns she's pregnant, ``I Married Marge''
http://www.snpp.com/episodes/8F10.html

Noni Mausa said...

Anonymous at 4:31 PM said "Speaking as a "Woman of Oregon" I think I'd rather see a cake with a vasectomy depicted..."

As Charles Fort used to say: "Be careful what you ask for...you might just get it."

I'll just retire to the bomb shelter now, and wait for the cakes that incautious comment will cause to be made. I can hear the mixing of the pinky-brown frosting now...

Aieee!

Victoria said...

I love the 'so you ruined your life' but seriously they misspelled the painful birthing/easy job cake. Pah. How hard is it really to spell?

wv: umbilyot Last time I was out on the water it was in umbilyot! What a nice yacht uncle bill has too!

Jael said...

The first one almost looks like it says It Is a Bog.

Jennifer said...

That huge baby face was scary!

I feel like I must provide a counter-point to the Tabasco-sauce description and the giving birth thread that was linked...I didn't read thru all the pages to see if they ever got many comments of women who had great birth experiences. I gotta represent.

I had a great birth with my daughter! 14h total. Labored at home for awhile, got to the hospital fully dilated, pushed for a long time (3 hours, she was sunny-side up) but it went by fast--time has no meaning at that point. It was intense at times but didn't "hurt" per se. Just a big athletic endeavor.
Right afterward, I told my husband, "Well, that wasn't so bad! I'd do that again!" ...he later told me that he thought "Are you kidding me? I thought your face was going to explode!"

Anonymous said...

I live in Oregon, am pregnant with my second, and didn't realize what a deadly sin it is to not use as many contraceptive pills as I can muster. I'll try harder, women of Oregon... Sorry to disappoint.

Pretty funny cakes, though, really! I'll have to ask for a fun and sarcastic cake for my shower. :)

-"Bess"

Fanboy Wife said...

I want to give someone the "So You've Ruined Your Life" cake!

Dmitry said...

It's a fine

craftyashley said...

Being out-to-here-and-miserable pregnant these days; that all just made my freakin' year! Thanks, Jen.

punxxi said...

Those Oregonian women( or orgasims as I like to refer to the general populace) nevah heard of birth control pills





punx, in Glasgow, Oregon

fuzzandfuzzlet said...

The second cake had real potential to be cute.

Rusty and Bandit said...

*Unsuccessfully trying to stifle uncontrollable laughter* Tobasco-soaked barbed explosives. . .too funny! That last cake is, um, creative? Lol, great post!
Anna Marie

WV: muslogs - The disease which attacked Marge's hand. That's why it was amputated.

Alice said...

Maybe all the girls pitched in and donated their birth control pills for the occasion.

brandi said...

hee! the "it is a boy" cake is so dwight-schrute-ish! like the time he put up a banner for kelly's birthday that said, all in arial font caps, "IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY."

Sarah said...

LOL at the Marge Simpson cake - I used to be a big fan of the show.

Lauren said...

So, I very rarely watch Jay Leno. However, I was watching it with the fiancé's parents tonight, and saw three cakes obviously taken right from this site on the Headlines.
I don't know if there was permission given, but...just clarifying. ^-^
it was the "leave blank," "big tip if there by 12" and one more I can't recall.
Anyway...cheers!
Lauren

Anonymous said...

I didn't get the Marge reference, but I would still love that cake if I was ever so unfortunate as to find myself on the verge of birthing a child.

If the maternal instinct/biological clock decides to kick in during the latter half of my 20s, I'll be sure to remember the Tabasco explosives comment to reaffirm my decision to adopt later in life. :)

--kate

bluekelebek said...

Haha love the Simpsons one. If I ever have a baby shower I shall get one of those!

Anonymous said...

What's with the bacon rashers on the contraceptive cake?

Tía Hillary said...

The last cake made me dang proud to be a Woman of Oregon - **I** get to choose when I have children! It's PLANNED Parenthood people - not NO Parenthood! BTW, I did choose 21 years ago and 19 years ago and haven't looked back since. (I also try not to look down, stretch-marks y'know!)
LOVE Jenn's description of childbirth, it is right up there with Bill Cosby's!

Anonymous said...

I see my BC pills on there!! LOL! I could have donated my first pack since I was already pregnant and couldn't use them!

sarah said...

Did anyone else see the blatant cake wreck rip offs on Leno's Headlines tonight?

Ms Avery said...

The Marge one is awesome. If I ever get pregnant, I'll be expecting one of these from my nearest and dearest.

Albatross said...

That Marge Simpson one was definitely modeled after her cake in the series. I think her sisters got her a cake that said those words. LOL

Albatross said...

My mistake - the words were actually on a pamphlet, as some other posters have said. Still funny!

Sabrina said...

The 3rd cake looks like something my parents would get for us. (Married 10 years, parents of 3, would like 1 more). They think that the 3rd was too much.

Anonymous said...

You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means. :P

Kathy said...

I'm not sure, but I think that last one has fly paper on it, too!

Kathy

tallyhomare said...

Yeah, be jealous. I live in the state that decorates their cakes with contraceptives.

The Condom Cup Cake comes next!

chemgirl said...

I just want to know - is that bacon curled around the corners of the birth-control cake? Or flypaper? (Might be a primitive form of birth control...)

Anonymous said...

I want a band called "They are Boys" now-- We'd ALWAYS be a sold out show XD

S. said...

The first cake needs a period at the end, just to cement the finality and matter-of-factness.

jenjen said...

Allll right... what exactly is wrong with congrat's? It's a contraction, right? Congrat[ulation]s? Admittedly not a NORMAL one....

weeona said...

After reading that linked thread all I can do is hide under my desk, roll up in a ball and rock chanting "thank goodness I had my tubes tied" over and over and over.

O.o

Also, the Marge cake cracks me up! Nice semi-obscure Simpson's reference.

KT said...

I'm glad I'm not the only one that saw bacon on the birth control cake.

Katie said...

"Tabasco-soaked barbed explosives in her hoo-haw for a living"

Note to self, do not read cake wrecks while in class.

Sharon said...

You know, if I ever needed something to remind me that not having kids is always an excellent option, that thread you linked to would certainly come in handy.

Lee said...

My wife and I laughed till we cried for several minutes over your Tabasco...etc. comment. Thanks!

Sexy Sadie said...

I love the Marge Simpson one! And I'm baffled by the Oregon one.

Maria Wivnescki said...

Sure hope those real birth control pills didn't leak onto the cake....

Anonymous said...

As a current resident of rural Oregon which has a tendency to be rather redneck-like (but let it be known I am not from here!), I sure wish there were more of those contraceptive cakes around!