Friday, January 29, 2010

As We Fumble Along

Friday, January 29, 2010

After extensive research of all the baffling, exclamation point-riddled status updates I've been seeing on FB and Twitter, I've concluded that something either is happening, has happened, or will happen in the world of sports.

After a few wild guesses and a Magic 8-Ball consult, I've concluded that these happenings are "most likely" football-related.

Is this a football? "Ask Again Later."

This has me at a distinct disadvantage, since frankly I know about as much about football as I do that mysteriously emptied Reese's Chocolate Clusters bag on the kitchen counter. Which is to say absolutely nothing.

(Ok, that's not entirely true. I think I saw the cat sniffing the bag of chocolates earlier. So I'd definitely question her, John. Yeah.)

Still, I can guess that this frankenpoo butterfly with fuzzy monster wings is supposed to be a football:


And that this next one is probably a "football field" in some Wreckerator's wildest dream:

(I'm talking a What Dreams May Come kinda wildest dream here, not a Field of Dreams kind of dream. But you probably got that already, right?)


Besides, you don't have to know the game to realize that fecal footballs are really never a good idea:

Especially when placed next to perfectly decent-looking football picks.
Bakers, ever hear the expression, "Don't park your ass next to a thoroughbred?" Just curious.

Could be worse, though. It could have fecal footballs with urine-yellow icing and a big ol' dual-meaning inscription like "Go Team" on it. Not that anyone would ever do something that...

Oh, no.

Really?

Really.

[sigh]

Well, there it is.

Although now that I look at it, I'm actually kind of disappointed there isn't a "We're #1!" on it somewhere, or "Go long" or something with the word "pass" in it. Hehehe. Wow, I never realized there were so many potty puns in sports! That almost makes them slightly more interesting. (The puns - not the sports.)

Finally, here's one more design someone clearly didn't think all the way through:

Ok, let's be generous and assume the Wreckerator meant "Touchdown," but for some reason couldn't remember how to spell "down."

Even then, you know there are FB pics out there of a bunch of drunken guys posing with this cookie cake held in very, shall we say, strategic locations. Not good, bakers, not good.


Could Diana A., Marisa H., Sue B., Meryl, Julie M., & Jessica L. be the best Wreckporters ever? Signs point to yes.

- Related Wreckage: Score!


NOTE: For the one person out there wondering: yes, today's title is inspired by The Drowsy Chaperone. For the rest of you: that's a musical with two punny gangsters in it posing as pastry chefs. Need I say more?

NOTE from john: We are currently unable to publish your comments. You can still write them but we won't be able to put them up for a little bit. Our "Epcot" advisory is at Orange.
Deirdre said...

Why, why, why do wreckerators do such horrible things with chocolate frosting? I *used* to like it. Now I just think of poo. Thanks, wreckerators.

Taylor@MyOlderBrothers said...

The third one looks like Burning Man with a football for a chest.

Rebecca F. said...

Fantastic.

The Touch Down made me truly laugh out loud.

Michelle P. said...

Okay - I'm asking again (and it IS later)...
Is that a football? Did it used to be inflated??

The puns are still rawkin, Jen!

poornamelesscat said...

Aren't ALL your posts inspired by the Drowsy Chaperone?

Amy said...

Ha, DC was the first thing I thought of when I saw the title. :)

These cakes are just... wow, I have no words.c

Jessica said...

But Jen, that's not a football field, it's "an old-fashioned chocolate picnic." Because that makes so much more sense.

LK said...

NOTE: For the one person out there wondering: yes, today's title is inspired by The Drowsy Chaperone.

As that one person - thanks, I was going to ask! :D

ctoan said...

I'm the one person! It was too close not to be from The Drowsy Chaperone, but it's really not a well-known one.

"We're pastry chefs, we're pastry chefs (we cross our hearts we're pastry chefs), No fakery, a bakery is what we've got!"

Jon and Becky said...

Poop. Poop is funny.

Tami C said...

You crack me up! I love everything about Cake Wrecks! Thank you so much for always making me laugh.

Anonymous said...

#4: Those aren't fecal footballs (though I love the term), they're caterpillars! They're rushing the field in an "everyone wins" kind of game where there's not one but 3 balls for them to try to get. maybe they work in teams of two.

Anonymous said...

my wv: for posting this page on FB today was "touchy source." how appropriate!

Mer said...

Since you mentioned a musical, it'd be really nifty if you had an all Sondheim themed cake entry.

Now, who knows how many Sondheim-related wrecks are in existence, but I'm willing to attempt my own just to put a theme together.

Count Mockula said...

My 22 month old just saw this page for the first time and said "Babies riding carrots -- that's silly. Don't ride, babies. Don't ride your carrots." Words of wisdom for that particular wreckerator.

Purplecow said...

To the decorators on this blog:

Dont you guys love the grass tip !
It's also excellent for elmo's fur and great for Easter themed cakes

Carrie said...

I laughed out loud!!! These are hysterical.

The Boob Nazi said...

They kind of look like tootsie rolls. That's what I'll go with.

Anonymous said...

I've heard of men writing their name in the snow - but writing on white icing?

Maybe the football team all work at the local sewage farm..........

Anonymous said...

HaHaHaHaHaHaHaha!!!

Great puns! Go Team!!!

Anonymous said...

#2 (hehe) reminded me of a tootsie roll.

#4 is sad because it looks like a decent decorator did a few cuppies, added the picks and then handed over the job to the new guy, but neglected to give him the correct pipping tip or tell him where the flotsam was stored.

Gary said...

Jen, you know a little more about football than I do.
Next time someone says something is "football-shaped," I'm going to be really confused.

Carey said...

Thank you for the What Dreams May Come reference. I love that movie. Since Gilmore Girls is gone - you are my source of clever pop/geek culture references! Must look up the drowsy chaperone.

Anonymous said...

This takes me back to my days growing up on the farm. You might actually find a deflated football stuck in between two tufts of grass, months after someone had thrown it into the ditch. If it was too muddy to retrieve it, or if it landed next to the den of a cranky and/or rabid wild animal, it was bye-bye football. We never got a cake out of it, though.

Elisabeth Marie said...

I did raise an eyebrow to the first picture, and then I realized it's made of cupcakes. There's only so much you can do with whole cupcakes to make them look like a football.

Anonymous said...

Knowing nuttin about football, that second wreck seems to be wearing a boa.

Mocking

Rob said...

Thanks for the shout out to the musical theater fans!!!

Jen said...

The second to last one looks more like leaves than any potty training accident, to me. Weird skeletal leaves...

Mrs.GB said...

Awesome.

And to top it off, I was "sharing" this link on my Facebook Page. This was my word verification:

"eavesDROPPING"

Haha!

Anonymous said...

"Our 'Epcot' advisory is at Orange."

Is that a euphemism for something too "off-color" for CW? Would you be "working blue" if you didn't say "Orange" instead??

Melissa (& Billy) said...

That first football looks like it might have been run over by a steamroller. Woops, no more football today, kids!

The rest? Uh...

Yeah. I got nuthin'. (except maybe indigestion. *hurrk*)

Alex said...

You made me laugh out loud in PUBLIC! Luckily, at Moe's, quite noisy in here.

Oh noes, not an Epcot alert again. Sigh.

soapbox said...

ROFLOL!! I love your "frankenpoo butterfly" description- that sent me rollin' on the floor laughing out loud! (yes I'm writing it out!)

The touchdown cake- seriously who makes these cakes???

Anne said...

The wreckerator who made #3 should be shot or taught what a football field looks like. That could pass for an ugly attempt at a soccer field or a basketball court. It would be better if the wreckerator switched out the plastic flotsam. It would still be a wreck, but one do to execution rather than both bad execution and lack of knowledge.

Kelly said...

Oh my goodness, I can just IMAGINE someone holding that last one and pointing the arrow in an inappropriate location. I am laughing at the thought!

Anonymous said...

Touch down or feel up? Choice is yours!

Chris said...

I LOVE the Drowsy Chaperone -- so I think that's at least three of us who got that reference.

deckardcanine said...

There should be an "end zone" pun here. Or else a "tight end" pun.

The Black Dog said...

I won't be the first to say that these designs are "crap"

Blue Jean said...

The second one looks like a Ho Ho dropped on some hideous lime green shag carpeting.

Joe and Brittany said...

That is just too funny! Thanks for the laugh!

mollymouse said...

So I was going to comment "I LOVE The Drowsy Chaperone!" as soon as I saw the title... but there's a note at the end of the post that kills my fun. Lol. Anyways, I'll have "As We Stumble Along" stuck in my head all day. Thanks for that! :P

Milo Bloom said...

Given the scatological nature of the rest of the wrecks, when I saw "old fashioned chocolate picnic" on the label for the second cake, I thought of checking Urban Dictionary for a definition. There is no entry there yet for "chocolate picnic", but use your imagination. Or don't. :)

Anonymous said...

Hee, hee. Whoooo. Hahahaha.

Thanks Jen. I cracked up at the frankenpoo butterfly with fuzzy monster wings. That's exactly what I was thinking! Ok, not really, but what lovely word choices. Love you guys!

Andrea

Mary Connealy said...

You know, I don't think I can even eat cake anymore. :(

Sarah said...

I did not think I could love CW any more, but then it turns out that along with the gamer geeks, you have musical theater geek fans (like me!) out here in interweb land.

LeftWingLock said...

My football fan husband's comments were limited to "what the hell is that?!?" until he got to the cookie; that one he wants on a t-shirt. To my knowledge he is not currently drunk, but I may be shortly.

And why did someone park a football in the middle of a basketball court where people were planning a chocolate picnic? I really do need that drink now...

kimbalaya said...

I love the random blob of blue icing under the football on the Touch "arrow" cookie. Heh.

a l'ouest said...

"Tovah" ???

Erin said...

Darn! I thought I was the only person wondering! Heehee! Jen, love all your punny posts, and it's nice to hear that someone else has no idea what's happening with whatever sports season we're in right now. Keep up the good work--you guys always make my day!!

Etiquette Bitch said...

interesting that CW3 is labeled "Old Fashioned Chocolate Picnic." Ah, yes, I recall the Chocolate Picnics of yore. Good times.

Nind-Mumbing said...

Apparently there are three or four people who know the musical. :) Yay us!

cath c said...

it must be stated for the record that my son peered over my shoulder and giggled all thew ay through this post.

he's still trying to collect himself.

what is it with 11 yr old boys and poo?

Monica said...

Jen! You referenced "The Drowsy Chaperone?" I love you even more! From one cake/musical theatre lover to another, with love... and frosting.

Culinarychiq said...

The first wreck made me wonder, "What does football have to do with the island of Puerto Rico?"

The last wreck is officially the first time I can say I've ever been propositioned by a cake LOL

Fluffy Cow said...

Epcot. *giggling*

K. said...

Drowsy Chaperone for the WIN!

Half the reason I read this is for random musical references. :)

Anonymous said...

lol@ LeftWingLock--

Sorry he wants a t-shirt, but send in a picture with him wearing it, just the same. :P

Anonymous said...

Somehow, these cakes remind me of mean older kids and legends of the things they'd try to do younger kids in the neighborhood. Just because there's poop lying around, it doesn't mean you need to DO anything with it. I was afraid of older kids for my entire early childhood over stuff that would've looked like these cakes... *shudders*

Linda said...

Frankenpoo...LMAO good one!

Glen Coco said...

It MUST be SUPER BOWL TIME!!

Anonymous said...

OK, The Drowsy Chaperone, I get it. I'd ask what you have for Cabaret, but I'm afraid you'd answer that. ;)

Anonymous said...

I sort of like the first one, what with its shapeless form and jaunty ladder-to-nowhere embellishment. Very much like the art of an early civilization, in cake.

Dorian Tara said...

Following this site has made me forever disappointed when I walk into a costco or other expectedly low quality grocery store bakery and see only decently decorated cakes. My heart just sinks every time.

Kendall said...

I'm going to have "Show Off" in my head the rest of the night. "I don't wanna show off no more..."

<3 Sutton Foster

Kari said...

The ones in 4 and 5 remind me more of trilobytes than poo.

Noni Mausa said...

Hey, who left the little naked mohawk babies off the footballs in cake #5? Tsk tsk.

Meredith said...

"Where were you?"

"I was having an old fashioned chocolate picnic. You might want to stay away from the bathroom for a while."

Eve said...

"Babies riding carrots -- that's silly. Don't ride, babies. Don't ride your carrots."

Count Mockula, little kids are my favorite thing ever. Now I want a version of the Carrot Jockeys T-shirt with this written on it.

Regarding the last one, maybe the Wreckerator should be praised for an ingenious bit of marketing. After all, every one of those frat guys posting pics on FB bought the cookie, didn't they?

Julia said...

YAY! Drowsy reference! My dad's friend wrote it, and I love seeing Drowsy related stuff. (Maybe being a drama student has something to do with that too... :P)

Anonymous said...

I don't often laugh until I cry, and I almost never leave comments, but oh, Lord. I just stumbled upon your site, and I came alarmingly close to wetting my pants tonight. You made my week.

Becky said...

"Ask again later"--I love it!!

I also love the frankenpoo.

kimc said...

You know, someone needs to come out with cupcake pans that make cupcakes in more art-friendly shapes. Course, you'd need different little paper cups for them too....
I wonder what shapes would work???

Bree said...

As soon as I saw the cookie cake, images of men using it to describe their own personal footballs flooded my mind. Glad I'm not the only one!

Paloma said...

horrible!!! beyond words!

Anonymous said...

Ha! Those pesky cats-- mine must have eaten the last half of that box of Girl Scout Thin Mints yesterday. No, really... :D

Kayla said...

Dude, my parents took me to the first preview of The Drowsy Chaperone for my surprise birthday present. It still is the highlight of my life. Good choice!

Barb said...

I keep returning to "Frankenpoo" just for the out loud laugh! I'm fairly new to Cake Wrecks but have dutifully done my homework reading the whole blog from the beginning and passing it on to all my friends. Huge hit!

Barb C.

Lilly Higgins said...

These are so terrible! where do you find them? The touch down one is the best, such a funny arrow! brilliant. x

Kari said...

I totally thought that said "Torah."

Anonymous said...

Asking the Magic 8-Ball later....Is that a football? Answer: Highly doubtful..............

Anonymous said...

I don't think the cat would have eaten your counter candy. Interestingly they are unable to taste sweet. Mine loves to eat counter butter that the kids leave uncovered.

Lisa said...

I so need cake now! :-)

Jessica G. said...

My son saw the first cake on my screen and asked, "what is that?" I told him it was an ugly football cake. He said, "if I have a football cake, I don't want one like that if it's going to be all smushed like that!" He's five ... and brilliant!

Julia said...

The second-to-last one had me thinking, "Those are really close to looking like little hot cross buns," so I guess you could cover the lettering with yellow chickies and use it for Easter . . . Only after that did I wonder, "Why so very many footballs?" I don't know much, but I know they tend to play with one at a time. "And now, a halftime salute to -- the equipment room!"

Lori said...

The more I read this blog, the happier I am that I make my own cakes. At least if they're wrecks it's my own fault and I only spent about $10 instead of bakery prices...

wv: evyin -- I think evyin should skip the cake for superbowl Sunday and just serve brownies and ice cream!

Scarlett said...

Oh, that's SO wrong on SO many levels!!!!

Madelyn said...

Jen, I love you. You referenced a musical.

Tiffany said...

The "touchdown" cookie thing nearly got a litteral *headdesk from me, but the "Our 'Epcot' advisory is at Orange" made my coworkers wonder what was so funny..... once I caught my breath, I turned them on to your site! I love you guys! :)

James said...

"Touch."

"Don't touch it!"

*Amanda* said...

I think the last cake belongs on a t-shirt!

Lauren Burke said...

Finally. A website that merges two of my hobbies: food and poorly-thought-out signs. I laughed so hard I cried.

Jocelyn said...

THE DROWSY CHAPERONE! I LOVE YOU!

*coughcough* Um....sorry, got carried away ^__^ But still! Your nerdy references always make me so very happy. Someone else out there knows about these things, and the comments are written with such panache. After being a long-time watcher, you've finally gotten me to comment. :D

Puck said...

I am absolutely in love with you for posting a Drowsy Chaperone reference! As if you weren't awesome enough already....

Dorothy said...

Oh my goodness, I love the Drowsy Chaperone! And this blog. It makes me laugh so hard the other people in my house complain I'm being too loud. :D

Cupcakes Lady said...

Touch down or feel up? Choice is yours! - haha Like that one xx