Friday, January 15, 2010

The #2 Way to Ruin a Cake

Friday, January 15, 2010

Step #1: Take a perfectly decent-looking cake

Step #2: Add random poo piles - just for giggles.

C'mon, everybody, sing it with me: "Chain chain chaaaaain! Chain of poos!!"

Eh? What's that? You think those are simply palm tree poos? Ok, I guess I could see that. But, can you explain...[dramatic pause]...THIS?

?!?

Actually, this isn't too much of a leap if you figure the customer asked for a "Princess and the Pea" cake. [wicked grin]


Then there are the stock designs with poo built right in:

Poor Wall-E. I bet right about now he's wishing the humans had stayed in space.


And to think: this is what "passes" for "cake decorating." But hey, maybe the designer was wiped out after a hard day logging too many hours, and got a little lax? If so, let that be a lesson to us all: don't push too hard; you'll only strain yourself producing crappy results.

:D


And finally, a classic for the ages:

Beauty and the Feces.



Many thanks to my #2 wreckporters Kelli N., Wendi P., Stacey B., Jenny, & Sara B.

- Related Wreckage: Who Ordered the Poo Poo Platter?
Taylor@MyOlderBrothers said...

1) Who knew that Curious George was a poo-flinger?
2) "A dream is a wish that your fart makes!"
3) That must be from the scene in the movie where Eve shoots at Wall-E. Because she scared the crap out of him!
4) Isn't Wolverine's name really Logan?
5) Would a rose by anything like that smell as sweet?

Kelli @ RTSM said...

OMG! The commentary under the fourth cake is killing me!! How many toilet jokes can you work into on paragraph:)

Anonymous said...

Uh-oh! Looks like Sabertooth left some presents on Wolverine's lawn again and boy is he pissed!

shikishinobi said...

Perhaps next time you do a poopy post, you might want to give a heads up on what this entry contains. It does look very convincing (at least a few of them do) so I simply won't comment further.

Trevor said...

Obviously the last one is meant to be fertilizer for the rose. I mean, c'mon Jen, get with it. I disappointed you missed that. :) I mean what else could it be (Because, honestly, I don't want to THINK about what else it could be... and neither do you!)?

Anonymous said...

Cake #1: tell the wreckerator cocanuts are NOT SHINY!
On the other hand maybe sometimes poo is...blech...
These wrecks go with that disturbing "man on a toilet" cake... [shivers]

Mocking

=0)jessica said...

wow, what on earth is that last one supposed to be?? my 4 year old saw it & said, "That's poo Mommy, it's a picture of poo-poo."


blech!

Lily Anne said...

Yay! Poo cakes are one of my favorite Wreck varieties.

Miranda said...

*screams*

AAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!! I don't even believe in dieting, and yet I fear I may go on one because my appetite is now ruined for the next 50 years!

Wait, I'm probably not gonna live another 50 years...but a middle aged girl can dream. lol

dextrouslefty said...

Are you trying to tell us that the potty's over?

Smirk.

Julie said...

The first one was pretty stinkin' cute until the additional "deposits" were made.

Mella said...

The last one is really nasty but I give points for artistic skills. Looks like real poo

Anonymous said...

http://www.firstgiving.com/cakewrecksdoctors

Just want to remind everyone the Firstgiving page for Doctors Without Borders is still up, and wanted to point out that as of right now Cake Wreck readers have met and exceeded the goal of $10k, it is currently at $10,289

wv: dalic--isn't that a Doctor Who alien bent on destroying everything?

mn_me said...

your wreckreporters never cease to amaze. oh my...

that last one is, shall we say, something else?

EG said...

What is that last one supposed to be?!

faunablues said...

For cake #1, I am concerned about why that monkey is trapped underwater with all that seaweed. Maybe that's the source of the poo.

The Maples said...

Puntastic!

Anonymous said...

If placing poo-like piles on cake is the second way to ruin one, I don't even want to know the first.

Becky

morethanamom2four said...

. . . and the #1 way to ruin my appetite lol.

Lise said...

Thanks a lot. Now I'll be singing "Chain of poos" for the rest of the day.

Anonymous said...

lol@Trevor!

If only the Beast had understood gardening, he would've properly maintained the enchanted rose, and then he never would've resorted to kidnapping.

Natalie said...

I gotta go.

Anonymous said...

HaHaHaHa!!!! Great puns!

That last picture is....... um....... yeah. Astonishing. Yeah, that's it.

writtenwyrdd said...

Holy crap! This is about the funniest entry you've ever done.

Kathleen said...

That fairy tale castle with the poop trail leading to it was obviously the work of someone who is experiencing a less-than-fairytale life, and he/she just wanted to make sure everyone knows it!

jo said...

oh, the puns today! you are on fire!

wasn't Wall-E SUPPOSED to clean up crap? :p maybe they should have stuck him in a litterbox cake.

and are those piles supposed to be from "ass"teroids or something?

pretty pink plastic palace + river of poo blobs. I don't get it. Is it a poo path of stones? the color is so offensive compared to the pink. was it an "accident"?

nice captions, Taylor!

"Beauty and the Feces!" LOL But seriously, what is the intention there???

Anonymous said...

'Actually, this isn't too much of a leap if you figure the customer asked for a "Princess and the Pea" cake. [wicked grin]'


Jen, if I keep having these cake nightmares, I'm going to start wetting the bed.

funkymunky5683 said...

I think this is your punniest post yet. I love it. (I'm a sucker for puns.)

Ellen said...

Beauty and the Feces - I almost peed my pants laughing at that one.

Melinda said...

Okay, the last one really got me. Almost choked on my coffee... hilarious! What on earth?!?!?

Anonymous said...

I saw the first one and thought "that's not so bad"...

...then I made the mistake of scrolling down.

Pass the brain bleach, please.

Rebecca F. said...

Normally I don't get too riled up by other comments but...

SHIKISHINOBI, here is your warning. This is a site about CAKE. No real poop was used or misused to create the humour here. People likely ate the cake that you are so offended by. They ate poop looking cake.

And for future reference, ALL the posts here may contain some sort of something that may offend someone. Since you appear to be one of those people who are offended by most everything, Walt Disney has a really nice website you could visit without any fear.

Whew. Thanks for listening.

Rebecca F.

Anonymous said...

". . . and the #1 way to ruin my appetite lol."


I dunno...to me, it's only #2.

Caroline B said...

I was prepared to be generous and could see where the decorators were coming from with cakes 1-4 (although no.3 was a bit too graphic, I just picked up something similar whilst taking my dog out) but that last one beats the cr*p out of me....sorry!

Anonymous said...

If Wall-E's supposed to be on the beach, I thought it could be pretty realistic portrayal of things.

But then I saw the next cake, with poo in space, and I realized I'm back to square one. (Two?)

Etiquette Bitch said...

cw3 doesn't make any sense...what, the robots are....fighting? and poo just comes out of their guns? or the poo field was already there, and that's where the robots happen to fight?
your commentary below cw4 is just effing riotous.

happy weekend!

Kamity said...

I *almost* missed the pun in the post's title until I read shikishinobi's comment. You are just amazing, Jen. AMAZING. I wish I could be HALF as punny as you!!!

The Boob Nazi said...

Oh my gosh! My nephew got the exact same Wall-E cake for his birthday, and I was going to take a picture of it and send it in. I am so sad that I could have been published.

nimcraft said...

Comedic and punny gold:
"And to think: this is what "passes" for "cake decorating." But hey, maybe the designer was wiped out after a hard day logging too many hours, and got a little lax? If so, let that be a lesson to us all: don't push too hard; you'll only strain yourself producing crappy results."

alogsdon said...

That last one just makes no sense.
-Ambrosia

Mary said...

CakeWrecks
I'd like to complain about one of your site ads. It had the words "sex" and "gay". I'm offended. Please remove said ad or I'll never visit this site again.

Your loyal reader

Kelli @ RTSM said...

I had to come back and say...I just saw the title of this post again in my reader and I had a huge "Duh" moment! Then I died laughing...#2 way! Hilarious!

Katrina said...

I agreed with the previous poster. I saw the George cake and thought, "That's actually pretty cute." I didn't think it was wreck-worthy. I actually felt bad for the decorator that it was included.

Then I scrolled down...

The following cakes more than made up for it. Yikes. The last one. Really? Someone ACTUALLY thought, "Yep. That looks great. Slap a price tag on it."

As always, love your post.

Stephanie said...

Oh wow... these are just... crappy. (yeah, yeah, hardy har har) :P

colleenoz said...

I thought it was handy the little grey and yellow spaceship on #4 had a big shovel on the back. Obviously it's an intergalactic pooper scooper.
WV: reoherub- where you go when you're too drunk to go to rehab...

Confessions of a Closet Hoarder said...

That last one left a bad taste in my mouth! GAG!

wv:wayish That last cake is wayish out there!

Bonnie said...

Jen! you're so PUNNY!!!! love it! This post is hysterical...Beauty and the Feces??!!!! Commentary Platinum! (cuz Gold just isn't good enough)

@Taylor---NICE Additions to an already laughtastic post...

Happy Friday!

Bonnie

John said...

Cake #4:

Obviously, the space theme is intended to depict ass-teroids.

Lisa said...

I wouldn't doubt that at least the last one IS actually meant to be poo. There are restaraunts in Japan called Toilet where the ramen, or worse, a brown curry, is served in giant toilet shaped bowls. The japanese have a weird sense of humor about and attachment to...poo. Sorry if you didn't know, but it's true. Maybe this cake is from a japanese run bakery?

Just Jim said...

We should put these cakes on the Endagered Feces list.

Melissa (& Billy) said...

*gag* 'scuse me-- *runs for the bathroom*

....

*flush*

Ok. I feel better now. I'll never eat cake again, but I feel better.

(whyyyyyyyy)

Sheila Bennett said...

'Beauty and the Feces' maybe an upcoming movie? lol

What continues to amaze me is that people actually PAY MONEY for these hideous creations!

Jill of Ark said...

Now that is some SERIOUS pun-dropping talent under the fourth cake.

Hehe..."dropping." :)

Anonymous said...

Regarding the commenter who posted regarding offensive ads: I visit this site every day (sometimes more than once. . . I know. . . get back to work, Liz) and have never seen anything like that. The ads are almost always about wonderful-looking desserts and weight loss. Nice little feedback loop they've got going there. Anyway, certainly something could've slipped throug the cracks that may be worth investigating, but it isn't the norm to see any remotely sexual ads here in my experience. Just thought you should know in case you were worried.

Liz in Seattle

Diana said...

No warnings, Jen? Well you're in deep doo-doo now!

(I'm so sorry, I couldn't help myself)

WATERBABY CHRISTINE said...

I compare you to a kiss from a rose on the, er, poo?

blue said...

Oh boy oh boy. What happened- they just had chocolate frosting and decided to pipe away??

Anonymous said...

yum... chocolate....

Hobbit said...

Yeah, what the heck is that last one supposed to BE? The others I can kinda see where they were going with it (coconuts, road to castle, um, grease stains left from spontaneous combusting x-men).

E.M. Green said...

Smell as old as time
Rude as it can be
Went to get Depends™
Then somebody bends
Unexpectedly

Just a little push
Small to say the least
Someone had to share
From their derriere
Beauty and Feces

t

Veronica Wald said...

The problem with poo is, alas, it is the same color as chocolate.
(sigh...)

mamabeck said...

#4 hubbyman says "It's POOsteroids!"

Stoich91 said...

Wow. Gee. To think people order and then "eat" these things...well, we don't have evidence of it, but the thought thereof leaves me...er...speachless.

Stella said...

...and I laughed my head off for the rest of the day...

Anonymous said...

This post really had me laughing!

About ads: there is an easy and 100% free way of not having to view ads.

Download the free Firefox browser.
Download the add-on "AdBlock Plus."

Block ads you don't want to see. Problem solved.

Oh and FYI, google ads on blogs like this display ads based on web pages your computer has viewed, and keywords your browser has searched.

If you are not the only user of your computer, may want to check the browser history because someone who uses the computer has most likely been visiting some dangerous sites. Also, update your virus protection and run a thorough scan. Just like visiting a "red light" district is a good way to pick up real diseases, the same is true for computer safety.

Megan said...

The first one excites me because my name is Megan and my husband is Kyle.

But then I look at the brown and am creeped out and don't want our names on that cake. :P

Laurie Laws said...

Totally SNORTED when I read E.M. Green's, um, song? :-)

Maybe the Princess Cake is Rapunzel's cake... Yeah, and... and... you just can't see HER... Just her Hair... and... and... ok, I got nothin'. Sorry. ;-)

Aurora said...

The Curious George cake might have been cute, if not for those curiously shiny piles. I live in Hawaii, and none of the coconuts here (or the trunks of coconut trees) look like deer pellets. I imagine if they did, it would somewhat detract from the beauty of these islands.

I'm really trying to put myself in the wreckerators' shoes, to figure out what these must have looked like to them to make them think they were passable... Yeah, I got nothing.

Anonymous said...

Appart from the obvious poo factor, I'm still trying to determine what that last item is? Is it really a 2 piece CCC? A side view of a sheet cake? TELL ME!!

I could think of is this would make a hilarous break-up cake. Forget a "Dear John" letter. This would certainly get the message accross!

Anonymous said...

I actually read the comment about offensive ads three times thinking someone was trying to be ironic and I was just missing it. Guess I was wrong! Thank to the person who posted info about AdBlock Plus. I didn't know something like that existed.

wv: hople as in I hople people who read a humor site have a sense of humor.

Anonymous said...

If such an ad was found here, how on earth will you ever know it was removed without looking at the site again?


About that Curious George cake, I think it absolutely belongs here. Just because poo is well-executed, it's still poo. And pate de fois gras is still just liver. In either case, I don't know why people go to such lengths to defend something so dreadful! There are other colors to consider in the jungle besides poo-brown, you know. I think there were probably some bets taken back in the kitchen when that one was made. Also, same when pate was invented.

Nala said...

what IS that last one?! (besides a wreck of course)

Ruth said...

Maybe that last one is a tribute to Outkast?:

"I know you like to think your sh*t don't stank
but lean a little bit closer, see
Roses really smell like poo-poo-poo!!"

:D

Anonymous said...

Hi Cake Wrecks,
I've been reading your blog for a long time, and thought that the fundraising you did before Christmas was amazing and inspiring. In the wake of the earthquake in Haiti, would you be up for calling on all of your readers to come together one more time? I know that organizations like the Red Cross and Partners in Health are accepting donations, among others.
Thanks for your consideration and for all of your hilarious posts!

Wolvie Girl said...

Yay a Wolverine wreck! They seem to be comparatively rare. I was going to say 'thin on the ground' but that could go all kinds of nasty places. Meanwhile, from this angle, poor Wolvie looks like he's fallen over. Maybe 2 dimensional Magneto (pretty sure that's him and not Sabes) has discovered Wolvie's Kryptonite - or is that Kraptonite? Actually that would explain why Magneto is looking kind of flat. Those are some massive piles!

Rita/Fighting Off Frumpy said...

No matter how old I am, I will never. EVER. be too old to appreciate poop humor! :)

Renee said...

holy crap!

morriganscrow said...

In the last one, I think the Beast was just marking his territory....

Gary said...

That last cake must have been ordered for an organic fertilizer sales convention.

Anonymous said...

If you squint your eyes and pretend a little, that last cake looks like the Beast's hand holding the enchanted rose. Right?

Anonymous said...

Holy poop references! That's pretty impressive that you squeezed all those into one paragraph.

The first cake, at least I can make sense out of the piles of poo and what they're intended to be. The other cakes? No! No reason. Just piles of poo.

Lenore said...

anyone know of any 'Walter the Farting Dog' cakes (based on the kids books? I'm sure the wreckerators got really creative for those. It came up today when my friend said her son asked for Walter on a cake.

Amanda said...

Question: is there any way that brown frosting could be used on a cake WITHOUT it looking like poo?

mn_me said...

okay, i just returned to look at "Beauty and the Feces" one more once (great pun by the way).

There doesn't appear to be any CAKE associated with either pile of frosting - rose or otherwise. I wanna know - who orders something like this?

@shikishinobi - the title "the #2 way to ruin a cake" wasn't a clue today's topic might be a poopy post? even the second or third sentence mentioned the word poo... seems like there was plenty warning if you wanted to skip it.

thesacredandtheprofane said...

Am I the only person who saw the "coconuts" that were in pairs of two and thought they looked an awful lot like the truck testicles?

Mike said...

Maybe some people didn't guess what "The #2 Way to Ruin a Cake" was going to be about, but I was pretty sure we'd be in for a poo report on this post. I mean what else is #2 likely to mean??

Michelle said...

*dissolves into laughter*

web said...

I was at a party recently that had that exact Wall-E cake, complete with poo... whatever it's supposed to be. I almost took a pic but wasn't sure it qualified as a wreck. Now I know better!

Kathleen said...

to jo:

hahahahahahaha! "ass"-teroids. OMG! Hilarious!

And the paragraph of puns. AWESOME!

Beauty and the Feces = sheer brilliance. *lmao*

Anonymous said...

I wish I had something coherent to say, but in reality I am laughing so hard that I can't breathe!

robyn said...

Ohh, the puns! They huurrt!

Megan said...

OH MY GOODNESS! My husband's name is Kyle, our birthdays are a week apart, and he likes monkeys! I wonder if this is a cake we were supposed to see, but never did. . .

marcia! said...

Talk about craptastic!!

(get it? Crap? Poop? oh, ha ha ha! I knew you would laugh! tee hee)

Ashley said...

Ahahaha "Chain of poos"!!! You're killing me here!

Mary Connealy said...

Where'd yesterday's blog post go?

Couldn't take the heat? So you got out of the kitchen?

Joke.

I need a pregnancy joke instead...out of fertile ideas?

Hey, cake jokes are your job, not mine. Love your blog. :)

Carrietastic said...

Oh...... wow.

This belongs in the "Classics" or "Fan Favorites" sections imho.

Mary said...

wow, you are funny as hell. Seriously.

Rebecca said...

HA HA HA!
Is "beauty and the" feces made entirely out of icing?
I think so!
(And those parenthesis are in exactly the right place!)
;)

colleenoz said...

Anonymous @3.53- I guess you could say they were ALL sheet cakes, if you have an accent- eef you get my dreeft ;-)
Amanda, Chocolate icing doesn't look quite so poo-like if you use a star tip...

Leslee said...

Classic! You rock with the commentary!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What a great way to start the day!

feathergirl said...

I could have bought that the brown dots in the first cake were coconuts,but a whole trail of them on the left side has led me to believe that Curious George has indulged his instincts.

ksaldria said...

I actually thought the first one just looked like some poorly arranged kola nuts. The rest....there is no excuse.

Dorci said...

I had to tell you guys this. Sometimes I'll tell my husband about the posts on Cake Wrecks, and the titles are just as hilarious.

I told him about this poo post and then told him about the title to this one, and without even thinking about he said, "what's the #1 way?"

hahahahahaha!

I just burst out laughing and he suddenly got it and started laughing, too.

Susan said...

I just got the #2 reference! D'oh!

Barb Koumjian said...

Oh-Oh-Oh my tummy hurts from laughing so hard-"Beauty and the Feces"--oh dear, oh dear,(holding tummy)your posts are dangerous to the health. Has anyone ever gotten a hernia from reading these?

vf: crucings: a portmanteau word combining cruel and icings.

Kathleen said...

E.M. Green - wow..your lyrics are amazing. *lol* I am totally hearing it in my head :D

Kelly said...

I've never read so many poo puns in one post. Hilarious! What was that last cake supposed to be, anyway?

Steph said...

If you name your kid after a European city but add in some unnecessary letters (Mihlann), I'm going to assume you're too ignorant and stupid to ever travel abroad.

Whayne said...

Ugh! -- Whayne

Anonymous said...

"Oh and FYI, google ads on blogs like this display ads based on web pages your computer has viewed, and keywords your browser has searched."

While that may have been true at one point, it is no longer anymore. Please don't spread misinformation.

Tammi said...

Chain of poos! *Classic*

Speaking of classics: Mary and such ilk. Here's a great FREE daily dose of humor and you want to fuss at them over the ads that make this site possible?

Dear, don't threaten, just do it. And have a slice of poo cake on your way out.

WV: donid = if you weren't such a wimp, you'd a donid already.

Linda said...

this was just what I needed today. Sometimes poo humor is all it takes to make me happy.
That last paragraph was pure genius!

Carolyn said...

We bought our son the Wall-E cake for his 6th b-day. The poo piles were supposed to be the cute little blocks he makes of garbage and tire tracks. It looked like poop all over the cake. It was sooo funny but really terrible looking.

Jenn said...

My 3 year old explained it all. The Palm tree cake has grapes on it. The 2nd cake has a bridge on it. Wall-E and Eva were enough distraction, as was Wolverine. The last cake was she had to appeal to her 5 year old sister for help. The rose is apparently sitting next to a pile of pancakes.

Sexy Sadie said...

I didn't know Wall-E could poop.

asinglebalancedlife said...

I needed a good laugh, and this post definitely provided it - thanks! It also cured my recent cake urge.

Diana said...

Hahahahahahahaha*GASP*hahahahahahahaha!

I've never commented, but I just had to throw in that I've never seen such a huge load of ____ ! {You know *wink*}

ROTFL!!!

Anonymous said...

What was the last one supposed to be?? I can't figure out where they were even going creativly here.

Anonymous said...

How timely! Just as I was viewing photo no. 4, my 2 year old came up to me to tell me that he pooed.

protojew62 said...

There should be a LAW against BROWN ICING BLOBS/coconuts/planets/whatever...Just sayin'!!

protojew62 said...

Perhaps SHISHKINOBI's sense of humor is also in the toilet...Just sayin'!