Saturday, February 28, 2009

You Gotta Admit: That's Way Better than "Good"

Saturday, February 28, 2009

Besides, it's easier to spell than "Captain Kirk Luck".

Candace S., you're not wearing the red shirt, are you?

Friday, February 27, 2009

Willy & Wally, the Cake Wreckers

Friday, February 27, 2009

"Say Wally, what did you do to this cake? The airbrushing looks horrible!"

"Really? Rats. Sorry, Willy. I was going for a 'spacey' look."

"'Spacey'? Two big red asterisks on a blue background?"

"Uh, they're supposed to be stars. You know, for Star Wars? See, the mom brought in this Darth Vader plate for reference."

[looking from plate to cake] "Well, we can't give them this - it looks more like a Spider Man or Superman cake."

"Yeah, I guess you're right. So what should I do? The airbrushing seeped into most of the icing, so I can't scrape it off."

"Hmmmm. Lemme see that plate again...and fetch me the scissors, will ya?"

"Oooh, that's MUCH better. Thanks, Willy."

"No problem, Wally. You see, with a little ingenuity, you really can save almost anything."

"You think they'll be Ok with the candles?"

"Of course! They add up to 13, right?"

"Well, yeeesss..."

"Then quit whining! Unless YOU want to go buy more '3's."

Monique R., clearly you already know the powers of the Wrecky side. Good work.

Thursday, February 26, 2009

When Common Sense Isn't

Thursday, February 26, 2009

You're right, Benoit; I'm guessing they didn't get that tip, either.

Nice to see that they understood that there was something important about the 12 bit, though. Do you suppose the wreckerator was putting that extra layer of icing on and wondering what the big deal was about the number 12, anyway?

Thank goodness that all fit, Diane V.; I don't know WHAT the decorator could have done to shorten the inscription. Do you?

(And fyi: Freymoto is a clever smash-up of the happy couple's last names. Nifty idea, no?)

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Kids These Days

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

"They just grow up so fast." [wiping away tear]

"I mean, first Holly was asking for thongs for her 8th birthday, and now her very own Playboy-themed party at 12. Wow. Can you believe it? I'm just proud.

[blowing nose] "I mean, every parent wants her little girl to grow up dreaming big dreams, padding her trainer bra, and looking to attract men as a means of personal validation, but to see it actually happening...[sniffle] I'm sorry, it's just a dream come true. Why, in another 6 years she could even be on The Girls Next Door - not that I want to get her hopes up too much, of course; there's no telling how much longer Heff's gonna be around, after all.

"I know, right? It IS unbelievable. You know, the Smiths over there made their Jenny wait until she was sixteen to have her playmate party. Isn't that awful?

"I mean, geez, how stifling can some parents get? Although, to be fair, I hear they had a great pole-dancing instructor come in for the girls. In fact, I need to get that number for Holly's party, if you'll excuse me..."

Now, Karen P. & Sarah G., remember to keep everything in perspective: these cakes still aren't as bad as this one.

UPDATE: Apparently the prosti-tot pole-dancing class includes an age-inappropriate audience. Check it out, and don't miss all the priceless expressions on the kids in the crowd!

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Guess Who!

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

ATTENTION CELEBRITY SINGERS: never hire a cake decorator to paint your portrait.

And for the rest of you: can you guess who's who on these cakes? I already gave you a hint. (Answers at bottom.)

Say, do you suppose this Wreckerator realized that "B'day" sounds exactly like "bidet"? That just seems like a bad play, eh? (Hey, these rhymes are unintentional, Ok?)

Did you guess them all? No cheating, now!

Ok, here are your answers:


Tori looks through the looking glass.
Or, you know, the make-you-ugly fun-house glass.

Ohhh - the album is named "B'day". My bad. Or, M'bad.

And last but not least:

Yikes. I guess she does kind of have crazy eyes - I never noticed before. Huh.

Right, now go grab all your co-workers and see how they do. Chop chop!

Rachael G., Sarah W., & Anony M., don't stop the rock.

Monday, February 23, 2009

"Hey everybody, thish cake ish from Holland. Ishn't that veird?"

Monday, February 23, 2009

Brace yourself, my friends, for what you're about to see may haunt your dreams for the rest of your natural lives, and will most certainly turn you off of acrylic nails.


Here it comes...

Just when you thought it was safe to go back to the baby shower, they went and added...


[drawn-out scream]

Ok, what's worse: the bone-white skin pallor, popped-out belly button that looks like the tied-off end of a balloon, or the fact that Thing-ette there seems to be sucking the life-force out of Octo-Mom Wraith-style?

Now, I have pudgy little Hobbit hands, so my basis of reference is off: tell me, is that hand as disproportionally gargantuan as I think it is?

Kevin V., you musht be toight like a toyger*. Schmoke and a pancake?

*Ok, so the pop-culture references got a little out of hand** in this post. Sorry.

**Get it? Out of
hand? Booyah!

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Sunday Sweets Visits the 80s

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Sunday Sweets is my weekly NON-Wrecks feature, the better to show how wrecky the Wrecks really are.

I grew up in the 80s, so I have a bit of a soft spot for the music, the movies, and the retina-searing color combinations of that decade. I also make funny squealing noises when I see references to nearly-forgotten loves like the Wuzzles or that Hugga Bunch made-for-TV movie. (Hey, even geek girls were girly girls at age 6, right?)

All that to say, here are some fun 80s-inspired Sweets for y'all.

Remember these guys?

Sing it with me, Carrie G.: "Gummi Beeeaars! Bouncing here and there and EV'rywhere..."

This next one combines 3 great 80s icons: the Rubik's cube, Super Mario, and the oh-so-popular Garbage Pail Kids. (I had a whole album of those cards growing up. I'm guessing a little after the Hugga Bunch phase.)

Marylse found this on Jessica Claire's photography site (which you should check out to see pics of the raddest 80's prom-themed shower ever) and it was made by Sweet Gems Custom Cakes.

And I know Wheel of Fortune is still on the air, but since I had a Vanna White t-shirt in 4th grade it will always be 80s to me.

Sara D., would you like to buy a vowel?
(Note: sorry, I've once again lost track of the original e-mail link, so if you know who made this, please let me know so I can credit the baker!)

And lastly, Karen C. found a cake that really takes me back...

Love it love it love it. And I still have a crush on Michael J. Fox. [wistful sigh]

Ok, this was just too much fun to stop the 80s theme now. That's right, you heard me: the e-mail lines are NOW open, folks, so go forth and find me 80s Sweets! I'm talking the cartoons (Snorks, anyone?) the games, the toys (Slinky, My Little Pony, Cabbage Patch - you get the idea), the movies (GhostBUSTERS!), and yes even the music (I know there's a Thriller cake out there somewhere). Send your finds to Sunday Sweets [at] Cake Wrecks [dot] com.

And if you find all these blasts from the past just as fun as I do, you should check out the sticker section on Branded in the 80s. Anyone else remember Poochie the dog? Anyone?

Saturday, February 21, 2009

Phonics Has Failed Us

Saturday, February 21, 2009

No, it wasn't intentional. And Brian, I hope Bethany gets a kick out of seeing her cake here. :)

Friday, February 20, 2009

Passive Aggressive Cakes

Friday, February 20, 2009

Everybody loves getting a cake, right?

Well, unless it's one of these.

Hah! Wait, you are joking, right? Uh, yeah, I think maybe I'll pass - thanks, though. Really.

No, seriously; now you just seem too eager. Keep your stinkin' cake, alright?

Yeah, that's what I was afraid of. Back off, Chucky-boy!


Well, I should think so! You're supposed to be sweet little confections, not all threatening and...

...eek! Uh, no problem, mister Cake, sir - not a word from me, nuh-uh!

Kelly, Moxie, Michele H., Ashley C., and Nikki P., I've been trying to cut down on sugar lately, and I think it's getting to me. If you'll excuse me, I'm just going to go lay down for a spell...

Thursday, February 19, 2009

THIS is How You Show Hungry Who's Boss

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Both Wreckporter Colee R. and I instantly recognized this "Go Team" Wreck:

It's Hungry from those Weight Watcher's commercials! You know, this guy?

Now, Weight Watcher's wants you to banish Hungry (who I must say is the most adorable junk-food-pusher since my hubby John) by joining some program of theirs. However, the decorator of the above CCC and I have an even better idea: eat cupcakes.

See, eating cupcakes is ALSO an effective way to banish Hungry. Right? Seriously, you can't argue with this kind of logic.

And in case this is the first you've seen of the adorable orange monster, here's one of his commercials airing approximately every 20 minutes 'round these parts:

Colee, is it wrong that this makes me hungry?

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Come On Barbie, Let's Go Party

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

It all started with those kitschy toilet-paper cover dolls:

I think every grandmother was required by law to make enough of these things for her family to cover a mountain of TP. (My personal favorite was our red-dressed flamenco dancer. You?) After this was done, those dear crafty souls had to come up with new ways to use their stockpile of doll torsos.

Enter: the doll cake!

It was understandable when at first children assumed they were being served yarn and TP. Here Jenn L. is saying, "How about you put that over there and go fetch me my real cake, before someone throws a hissy, Ok?"

Fast forward 30 years or so, and doll cakes have come a long way. Why, just look at all the diverse styles they come in now!

The "Hawaiian Shaving Brush":

The "Easy-Chair-Under-Her-Dress":

("My lap! My lap! My lap is on FI-YUR!")

The "I'm-a-Little-Teapot":

The "Girls-Shouldn't-Have-ALL-the-Fun":

And the ever popular "Climb Every Mountain":

Cherie, Andrea M., Sanne, & Cattie P., all together now: "Life in plastic - it's fantastic!"

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

For Me?

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Just had to share one last Valentine Wreck - because it was for ME! Well, in a virtual sense.

Sensitive Wreck Seeker Kate W. sent me an e-mail with the following message:

"I just wanted you to know that my heart boats for you. And not even the loud and obnoxious kind that overturns old men while they're fishing, but rather the put-put-put kind that's hard to steer. How's that for romance?"

Uh, a little more confusing than romantic, honestly, Kate.

Oh, wait! There's a photo:

Ahh, NOW I get it. And I'm touched, Kate, I really am. But not in the creepy, time-to-press-charges kind of way, but in the innocent, I-like-anyone-who-sends-me-cake kind of way.

Note: yes, technically that *is* an 'e', but at first glance it looks like an 'o', so I'm going with it. You should, too.

The End of Sweetness

Ok, last Vday post. Honest.

(Until the next one, that is. Heheheh.)

Not that I can be certain these were really meant for Valentine's, of course. I mean, it's not like they give us many clues...

I would ask for guesses, but my heart's just not in it. Besides, even though geography was never my strong point, even I can see it's obviously the state of Texas. Right, Cori W.?

The gril lives!

Good to know, Shauna L.

Wow. It never ceases to amaze me: the amount of time, effort, and talent poured in to these CCCs. Don't you agree, Ann S.?

Well, I have a guess as to what this is supposed to be, Sherin G., but I'm not going to spoil the fun for everyone else. Go on now, guys: what is it?

[humming Jeopardy theme]

And while we're guessing, any ideas on this one from Marisa W.?

"I tell ya, 'E' gets all the love. She's all, 'Look at me, I'm the most commonly used vowel! Ooh, la-ti-da!' Yeah. Insufferable little show-off."

Then Kay found these, which are actually wrong... for being spelled right. There's a first!

See, they have a bee (sort of; that's one scary specimen), so they could have written "Bee Mine". But did they? No, of course not. I bet there's a cake out there somewhere with a sheep on it and the inscription "I love you", too. [shaking head] C'mon, decorators: get with the punny program!

Oh, and in case you forgot what we were celebrating:

Say, this could lead to a whole new holiday icon! I'm picturing Cupid, only stitched together from spare parts. Alyssa & Clark, do you concur?

Monday, February 16, 2009

It's a Form of Flattery. Honest.

Monday, February 16, 2009

Happy Presidents' Day, y'all! To help you get in the President-celebrating mood, I rounded up every presidential cake-specimen I could find. Consequently, this will be a pretty short post.

First, since Lincoln's birthday is part of the celebration, we've got to start with this lovely example sent in by Michael N.:

Love the Lincoln Memorial on top.

Then there's this rather less lovely Reagan cake:

That nose is going to haunt my dreams, I just know it.

(Note: This one's been floating around the interwebs for a while, so my apologies if it's not actually a pro job. In my defense, most of the pro cakes I see look a lot worse than this.)

Now remember, Grace D.: if someone makes a cake bust in your likeness, it's a compliment...

...Not that they want to knife you in the head.

I already featured a bunch of Obama cakes after the election, but be sure to check out the giant 5,900 cupcake mosaic of him and Lincoln from Friday's post, too.

And lastly, naturally this post wouldn't be complete without a George Washington cake.

Erm..... [frantically searching the 'net]

Ah, how 'bout this?

Ok, so it's perfectly centered, spelled correctly, and otherwise rather wreckless - sorry. Oh! But look! The balloons on the bottom are upside down! Eh? Eh? That counts, right?

Hey, I spent at least 15 whole minutes searching for a better Washington cake, alright? This is the best I got. Honestly, you'd think bakers out there would see today as an opportunity to get in touch with their creative, powdered-wig-wearing side. But no-ooo. Hmph. Downright inconsiderate, is what that is.

All that to say: if you have something better, send it soon and maybe I'll post it.

And stay tuned for more Valentine's Wrecks.

UPDATE: Well, you guys certainly are sending in some...interesting...Washington items. So far I've gotten a pie made in George, Washington, a hilarious but not post-able Washington Monument cake (no, you can't see it; it's not professionally made), what I suspect is more of a Georgette Washington cake spotted at the fair, and my current favorite:

George Washington Carver.

Sure, M.Zak, that's close enough.

Sunday, February 15, 2009

Ace of Cakes Gets Lost!

Sunday, February 15, 2009

Sunday Sweets are my weekly NON-Wreck features, the better to show how wrecky the Wrecks really are.

I frequently get asked if I've heard of or watch Ace of Cakes. Heh. Guys, I write a cake blog. If it's even remotely cake-related, I've probably heard of it. Safe cupcake amendment in Texas? Check. Cake puppet singing Karen Carpenter? Check. Ace of Cakes? Checkity check. And yes, I do love Duff and the gang. In fact, one of the few reasons I'm happy to have cable again (we went without for a few years) is that I can start catching up on all the episodes I've missed.

Anyway, I've been waiting for just the right Charm City creation to feature here on Sunday Sweets, and I think I've finally found it. Not only is it a cool cake, it also brings together two addictive shows: Ace of Cakes and LOST.

Check out what Duff & Co. created to help the cast of LOST celebrate their 100th episode:

Neat, huh? There's the computer terminal (probably with the famous numbers on it, but I can't quite tell), a suitcase, a gun, the whole cast, and of course my favorite: a four-pack of Dharma beer.

Hey, there's even a little crashed plane on the side! Nice. But, uh, guys? Shouldn't the plane be snapped in two, with the tail section on the other side of the island? Hmmm? ;)

Here's a nice detail shot:

And the big group shot with both casts:

All of these photos are from Jorge Garcia's blog, by the way. Be sure to check there for a few more photos not posted here, and many thanks to Rachel K. for being the first to tell me about it!