Saturday, December 5, 2009

The Yuletide is Coming In

Saturday, December 5, 2009

Now that we're into December, bakeries are working hard to make their designs more "season-appropriate."

Which is why you can now find, for example, the army toys attacking giant poinsettias:

"Call in backup! We need more silly string!"

And flotsam-bedecked "Christmas guitars":

"Oh Oh Oh" is right.

And of course, that perennial holiday favorite:

The Puppy-Pecking Parasite of Pastries Past!

It's a deer tick.

Eh?



Oh, c'mon, quit groaning: that was freaking brilliant on my part.


Heather M., Melissa G., & Jessica L., do you suppose they used "sugar doe" to make it?

- Related Wreckage: Seasonal Non Sequiturs
Christine said...

LOL that second one hurts my eyes!

Anonymous said...

My 4-year old looking over my shoulder at the last pict points and says, "What's that thing on the cake?" I interjected, "I don't know."
"....it looks weird." She answered. lol.

Mike

Jessica said...

A deer tick. ROFLMFAO you're a genius!

lisadh said...

#1 You'd think the bakeries would have run out of brown frosting after Thanksgiving. D'oh!

#2 Where is the kitchen sink? Everything else is there.

#3 I thought your "deer tick" was brilliant, Jen!

Cheers!

Ingeborg said...

Wow, how very christmasy of them to drown snowmen and santas in lava.

Fluffy Cow said...

I was just appalled until "Dear Tick".

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!

*sigh*

Aimers said...

I am a deer tick and am very offended that you made fun of me. Please cease and desist immediately!

Signed....killjoy!


Tanks shooting poinsettias? What? A pool of santa heads? It looks like that dog got infected by that deer tick, puked up it's santa head lunch and then the tanks moved in to attack him! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

WV: sansess...these cakes make absolutely no sansess.

WriteCards said...

Well, I *WAS* going to say that I didn't *REALLY* want to know what the deer was doing on the doggy's back, but then you explained it all. Sort of. Not really. Sugar doe helped somewhat. Sort of. Not really.

Huh?

It's beginning to look a lot like a wrecky season!

StylishHeather said...

I guess nothing says "Merry Christmas" like a pile of crap held together with a load of icing :)

How these bakers keep their jobs, I don't know...

Anonymous said...

It's almost like the bakers are doing this on purpose, just to get featured on Cake Wrecks......at least, I'm hoping so.

Anonymous said...

I am missing something on the first one. I can't for the life of me think of what it is supposed to be of/for. In what context do icing flowers go with army tanks and helicopters?

Ruth said...

"It's a deer tick." I'm laughing so hard I snorted coffee... thanks!

Stephanie said...

*still groaning* Deer tick... I think you just outdid yourself there Jen. Love it!

*scrolls down* Oh, and what do you know? My wv is gronin - what I'm sure everyone will be doing when they finish reading today's post.

Anonymous said...

Can't that deer sense the danger in standing on top of the abominable snowman? Massacre!

Anonymous said...

tell me..


Why are the army toys attacking giant poinsettias on a huge reindeer turd?

Why have all the Santas and Frosty the snowmen been beheaded and left in pools of blood?

Why is there a tiny reindeer on top of a gigantic Old English Sheepdog?


You sure celebrate yuletide differently in America to the way we do here in the boring old UK, but I'm still uncertain about beheading poor Santa!

The Boss Bitch said...

Deer tick is epic brilliance. Thanks for the everyday Laugh Out Loud!

Al, Wendy, Max, and Lil said...

The absurdity of that deer on the dog sent me giggling!

Jimmy said...

Nothing says Christmas like a sea of plastic flotsam and waxy pinecones-- if those are candles, maybe the whole thing will just burn... *fingers crossed*

Barbara said...

What is most disturbing to me is, it appears the dog has grown an addtional snout out of its paw. Birth defect, perhaps?

Anonymous said...

Is it possible that "Oh Oh Oh" is in the shape of West Virginia?

Kristen said...

Ahhh...that made me happy. And not just because it gave me an excuse for postponing working on my term paper for another three minutes. (Deer ticks...how can I work that into a paper on social consciousness in theatre?)

Alisa said...

ahahahahaha! deer tick. LOL. that's hilarious!

Alex said...

!deer tick!!
LOL

3XEmonkey said...

LOL, deer tick!
And nothing says holiday spirit like camo tanks and "oh oh oh."

Anonymous said...

That first cake is a great way to help the troops celebrate Christmas while still mapping out their "strategery":

Follow the green path marked here, and no one will ever guess where you're going with that tank, the planned explosion sites are clearly noted, and the whole thing looks kind of like a bomb crater that you can eat to keep the plan out of enemy hands.

If you want to eat a bomb crater, I mean. Sounds...dusty. Maybe a little crunchy.

And it might be just as effective to hand the cake over to the other side.

Nic said...

Deer tick. LMAO :D

I'm Lori...and maybe I'm you, too. said...

Deer tick! Ahahahahaha! Deer tick!

EasilyTIMted said...

Okay, seriously, I totally LOL'd at deer tick. That _was_ frickin genious!

Anonymous said...

Ahahaha! Can't put the brown icing away yet-- 'tis the season for those yucky yule logs again! Blech.

I can't imagine showing up at a party carrying one of those. There'd be lots of concern from all who see it.

Gary said...

CCC #1: What does this have to do with Christmas? In fact, what the heck is going on here?

CCC #2: In what way does this depiction of a trash dumpster the day after Christmas resemble a guitar?

CCCr (#3): I like the visual representation of the phrase "deer tick," but that angora goat, or whatever it is, is pretty painful to look at with the extra snout on its right paw and all.

thesacredandtheprofane said...

Oh. My. Lord.

bodoba said...

I had completely forgot that you could mess up placing a "HO HO HO" piece of plastic on a cake.

You know how you're supposed to proof read what you write? How come these bakers don't look at they're cakes once they're done? (or worse, what if they do?)

Diana said...

What is it about helpless icing covered puppies that all this plastic flotsam finds so irresistables...first it's spiders trying to impotune the poor puppy, now Rudolph decides to intrude...oh the pupmanity!

(not all Diana's are created equal)

Anonymous said...

Ah, 'tis the season indeed!

@anony10:00--

Suck it up, Brit! Clearly, the things you mentioned are what the holiday season is all about. We can't help it if you guys completely miss the meaning of Christmas. ;)

@barbara10:14--

I don't think that's a birth defect. I think that's the horrific outcome of the dreaded deer tick bite.

And I'll agree with everyone else--"deer tick" is nothing short of brilliant. The cake remains flummoxing, however.

--kate

LeAnne said...

I love your comment about the deer tick and the sugar doe...I started laughing...good thing I am by myself at work today...

Janella said...

Deer tick!! That is awesome!! It continues to boggle my mind that these are actual cakes done by "professionals".

Rachel said...

LOVE IT! You're adorable. Thanks!

Bree said...

That second one looks like a bunch of Santas and snowmen swimming in radioactive waste. Merry Christmas from Three Mile Island!

Half Assed Kitchen said...

It's a snow-covered ant-eater! It must be!

Miranda said...

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA oh that's rich. a deer tick.

I'm sorry you guys had to deal with BS on the last post. There was/is nothing wrong with it. It's hilarious! Y'all should see what the poor Photoshop Disasters guy has to deal with.

(I are serious cat, this is serious thread, etc etc).

Why does puppy have his nose laying along the ground? He looks sort of melted. lol

Debster said...

I see your website was featured on Have I Got News For You on BBC1 TV last night!

Erin said...

My 6 year old son looked at the "dog" cake and said... "Hey, is that a Yeti?". I thought that was brilliant!

Terri said...

OH OH OH!

Jen, I am having a really rotten week - beyond rotten actually and I always know I can come to Cake Wrecks to lighten things up a bit.

Thank you for all you do and thank you wreckinators - one and all. I don't know what I would do without you . . .

Ann said...

Ok, so generally I read this blog for the pictures more than the writing. But the Deer Tick joke made me ACTUALLY LOL.

Nonie said...

That's one awfully ambitious stag!

(Or possibly it's standing on a small and rather blotchy glacier?)

Meanwhile, truly truly TRULY aghast at the poinsettia tanks. But at least they're shooting silly string rather than missiles, yes?

Sue in N. Va said...

Deer tick! *snort* Awesome one!!

The other two are just eeeeew.

Brittany said...

the second cake made me break out in song... "Oh Oh Oh it's magic... you know...."

Redd said...

That's a rather well-groomed...pile of frosting to have such a large parasite on its back. I think it's time to re-evaluate the work of your groomer.

And if this is how we celebrate Christmas in the US, then I've been missing out my whole life. Why, I never once got a cake--CCC variety or not, that featured plastic army vehicles attacking giant wintertime foliage. :(

WV: incessig
I'm not even going to touch that...

Melissa said...

Usually Cake Wrecks makes me giggle uncontrollably. This one just made my brain go whaaa??? and refuse to continue, much like a computer trying to deal with impossible programming. These 'cakes' do not compute.

Your puns rock the world, as always. :-)

jaylin said...

Okay. I'm anonymous, so I'm not too ashamed to say - I don't get the "deer tick" joke. Can somebody 'splain?

Aviatrix said...

Everyone has already said that the deer tick is brilliant, but as Epcots go, one declaring your brilliance has to be among the best.

I'll be puzzling for a while over who buys poinsettias with tanks, and for what occasion. I guess it would make a cute cake for a soldier celebrating an early Christmas with family before going on deployment, or a military-obsessed boys birthday cake that mome insists must blend in with holiday decor.

Anonymous said...

Deer tick - that's hilarious!

eats-veggies said...

Okay, this is probably the funniest post I've seen here - made my morning. :-)

Anonymous said...

Deer tick-I love it! Can't fathom what reason someone would have to put a plastic animal on a frosting mountain... but it made my day so I'm glad people are still demented!

Miki said...

@Anon10:14, that red mess looks nothing like the state of West Virginia.. no Eastern Panhandle.

I go with Jen on the 'guitar' thing, or maybe a tennis racquet that's been used to administer a beat-down (thus explaining the decapitated flotsam and the bloody mess of it all)

For #1, 'peace on Earth, good will to those with the biggest guns'?

As for 'deer tick' isn't just making us -look- at it punnishment enough? (Yes, this is me being jealous that I didn't come up with it before reading that you already had XD )

wv - inifaili - the 'fail' part just says it all.

joanne said...

My daughters thought the white fuzzy mountain was the Abominable Snowman from the Rudolph movie...




"The Puppy-Pecking Parasite of Pastries Past!" ROFLMAO
I love the alliteration!

*snicker* deer tick....

also love the army toys and silly string and the comment about lava eating the flotsam on the guitar.

Amy Rainey said...

Deer Tick! HAHAHAHAHAHA! That was brilliant!

Oh Oh Oh...my new greeting for the season :)

Amy said...

Nice!
Amy B-H

Ellen said...

Poinsettias on Poop - what a novel idea. And the addition of army vehicles made it all the more festive.

Loved the deer tick.

dogface said...

First wreck: I actually like the combination of poinsettias and tanks. Just not half-assedly executed on a giant pile of poo.

Second wreck: Is that a Christmas-themed West Virginia?

Third wreck: Puns are evil. :c

Hobbit said...

Ah, nothing says Christmas like tanks and silly
string!

And a Deer Tick! Poor pup.

I only cringe when I laugh, Jen. ;-)

Flartus said...

I am not in the least bit ashamed to admit that I laughed aloud at "deer tick."

On the other hand...how the ohohoh did you know that Thing was once a guitar?

kadyb said...

Deer tick. It's Epcot!

drgns4vr said...

I wasn't going to comment on any of they abominations, but the WV was so appropriate

kidiumi

These cakes were for sale? Are you kidiumi?

Plus, OH OH OH is sort of how I feel about these cakes.

Etiquette Bitch said...

okay, like others have said, the deer tick is genius. tiny deer on back of drippy dog? weird.

Sarah said...

Ha ha ha! I thought "deer tick" was brilliant too!

Joe said...

I'm afraid that OHOHOH may be a watermelon leftover from about 5 months ago, now disguised for Xmas.

zebe912 said...

Wow, these are truly horrendous. Normally you can at least tell what the wreck was, as in it was supposed to be SOMETHING and they just screwed up. This just look like cake supply store vomit.

Oh Oh Oh is pretty hilarious though.

Anonymous said...

I think the red cake could be used to issue some kind of warning, somewhere along the line of, "Don't feed them after midnight."

JelliDonut said...

oh oh oh indeed. And WTF, too. Does anyone really pay money for these? I could understand it, if you're taking them to hated in-laws, but other than that...wow, just wow.

Teresa said...

That last one looks like a shaggy white snow elephant to me!

Jam Master Ghislaine said...

I don't understand 'deer tick'. Can someone explain?

Jenna said...

there's a salvation army joke here begging to be made.

Belle T. said...

I think You have all missed the point. It is a Veterens Day cake! Don't you see the American flag in the lower right quadrant???? The "pointsettias" are explosions. and the silly string??? Tactical misdirection! VERRRY Interesting!

Just Me,Pilgrim said...

For the life of me I cannot figure out what these cakes are supposed to be. And WHY would a miniature reindeer be hitching a ride on a dog, exactly? WHAT IS WRONG WITH THESE BAKERIES? WHY! WHY DO THEY DO THESE THINGS?!?!?!? WHY!!!!!?

WV:iliturp: what they must be drinkin' to make these cakes

E.M. Green said...

That would only be a "puppy" pecking parasite if that was, in fact, a puppy.

It's very obvious that it's a rare long-haired albino anteater.

***

Dear Tick,

I enjoyed your cartoon. That other guy was a bunny, right?

signed,
Homophonia.

MJS said...

Aviatrix and other international readers:
Every summer, Americans walk through the woods and fields in fear of the dreaded Ixodes scapularis -- the Deer Tick. If any beast is bitten by the bug, then they DIE of Lyme disease in the next ten minutes (slight exageration here.) And yes, Ixodes scapularis looks just like a tiny deer perching on its pitiful victims before lunging in to suck their blood.

Tara Bergin said...

Hahaha, as a vet student, I have to say that your 'deer tick' comment made me burst out laughing. Hilarious! :) Your blog always makes me smile! :D

Paul said...

tanks attacking flowers? A deer mounting a dog?
Huh? I'm so confused.
vw: forype. the sound you make when you go to pick this up. "I had a lovely cake made forype what the ****!!!!

Krista said...

Should I be saddened that my two-year-old knew the last one was a dog?

SAVanVleck said...

Deer Tick!!! I love it.

Rob said...

The army attacking giant plants has to be a reference to Day of the Triffids, doesn't it?
Why you would make a cake of that, and a CCC at that, I really don't know.

Anonymous said...

Is that last one the thing from The NeverEnding Story?

Adrianna said...

The first one looks like its on a poo cloud!

Wolvie Girl said...

"Peace on earth, goodwill toward men" but those evil poo dwelling mutant poinsettias are history!

Michelle said...

hehehehehe, deer tick, heheheheheheh

Anonymous said...

I laughed out loud at Oh Oh Oh.
- Emmy

Bright said...

I can't help it but cake #1 reminds me of 'The Santa Clause'
"Better look out this year, kids! Santa's coming to town in a PANZER!!!"

'deer tick' *snort* **wiping tea from screen**

BTW - as a NON-professional cake decorator -- I'm lovin' this site. It makes my cakes look divine.

rae said...

Old school Strawberry Shortcake shoutout! Awesome!

Anonymous said...

I can't help but point out that not only is it silly to have tanks and helicopters on the first cake, but the poinsettias are also not even close to being right. I've seen white ones that look sort of green, but I've never seen or sold poinsettias that are green and orange. Of course, reality was clearly not a priority for the decorator.

Marnie

Kim said...

Deer tick!! LOL! That IS brilliant! :D

Mary Connealy said...

I check in every day but almost never comment. But I've gotta give you deer tick. That WAS brilliant. :)

Anonymous said...

OK time to 'fess up. Haven't ever heard of deer ticks, so I totally didn't get the joke.Instead, my brain made sense of it with "It's i-dio-tic". Brilliant, I thought!
.
.
.
New Year resolution: learn more about American stuff!

MC from NZ :)

Anonymous said...

Please count my vote in on "Deer Tick" being one of the best captions ever!!!

sophanne said...

It may be just me but this latest season (thanksgiving and Christmas) has been the worst (best?) season of wrecks ever.

CookieMonster said...

deer tick! Funny!

Cindy said...

hah... I love the puppy parasite :)

Cube said...

Oh Oh Oh returns!

http://cakewrecks.blogspot.com/2008/12/totally-cheating.html

See? The Bottom Cake. Same piece of plastic and everything!

Anonymous said...

I think the deer is doing inappropriate things to the little white doggie.

tonychrissyabby said...

Oh Oh Oh it's "magic"

-Christine

dragonet2 said...

I saw the white monstrosity at W*lM*rt today while grocery shopping...

No deer on its back because it was cupcake sized.

Anonymous said...

I love the deer tick comment!

Michelle said...

Nothing says "Merry Christmas"(or...sorry... "Winter") like Poinsettias in poop being attacked by army tanks....

The whole Santa and military stuff obviously made me start singing Weird Al's "The Night Santa Went Crazy" and then...

I couldn't stop giggling at the "deer tick" thingy!! I <3 puns!

jenny_is_busy said...

OhOhOh - classic!

Emily said...

"Deer tick" freakin' rocked my socks off! Or, it would have if I'd been wearing socks at the time. I'm actually barefoot in bed and my roommate is giving me dirty looks for laughing really loudly at 12:45am.

kjl said...

On those first two especially, I have no words. Oh wait, I do have words--what.the.hell.

Stella said...

the frosting on those CCC's are as thick as turd's and the holiday tanks just made me chuckle.

Anonymous said...

the snowmen are being pulled under a lake of lava! and they're smiling! the horror! and who the hell would put a tiny reindeer on a shih-tzu? the proportions are all wrong and it just makes absolutely no sense... aahhhh! the confusion is too much for me... i need a valium. really liked the 'deer-tick' pun. brava!
-helen
wv:spast- i really spast out at the office holiday party.

Melissa (& Billy) said...

They're all done in the best wrecky tradition, but the last one makes me go, "What?"

Sure, because tiny plastic deer always ride on the backs of small yappy dogs. Makes perfect sense. 0_o

crazy-catlady said...

Ahh! That dog's nose fell off! Somebody help!

Sexy Sadie said...

That "Oh Oh Oh" reminds of a shopping bag that was on Jay Leno's headlines last year that also said "Oh Oh Oh".

Blalock said...

That last bit was hilarious!!!! Deer tick!!! Too funny!!!!

Heidi said...

I don't think that was a guitar. i think that was someone's Christmas agression coming out in the form of burning all things christmas in a giant lake of lava.
Just saying.

Oh and I loved the deer tick. It was brillant.

KT said...

My eyes are still watering from the "deer tick" comment. Freaking amazing.

Cigars said...

Uh... Deer Tick. Disgusting and Hilarious.
-Sylvia

Gifted Designs said...

Can't....stop....laughing.....deer tick!....HYSTERICAL!

clscott645 said...

Sometimes I come here and smile at the comments. Other times I giggle. On many occasions I LOL and I am actually laughing out loud. Then there are the special times. The times that I laugh so hard I disturb my neighboring cubicles. I laugh so hard that tears start to form in the corners of my eyes and if I had something in my mouth, (like water...clean it up now, sheesh)I would need a new monitor. This was one of those times. Deer tick?? Hysterical!
Thank you, again, for making my stomach and face muscles hurt.

Anonymous said...

Deer tick. Bahahaha. I love it!

Martha

Billie said...

My nose is still burning from seeing "deer tick" while sipping hot tea! ~ Sistah

Anonymous said...

the 'deer tick' one looks like a white bantha. Y'know. Bantha. From Star Wars.