Saturday, November 28, 2009

A Fine Feathered Salute

Saturday, November 28, 2009

NOTE: Today's post contains material (namely icing) in unintentionally unseemly shapes. There are also some poop jokes. If you are offended by unintentionally unseemly icing shapes or poop jokes, you will not like today's post. In other words: Hide the children!!

That said, everything here is safe for work (as always) and will most likely sail cleanly over the heads of the very young. Still, parents should note that CW has always been, and always will be, a PG-rated site.


Now, on to the unintentionally unseemly icing shapes!


Last week we established pretty much every possible way turkey cakes can be wrecked...except one.

You see, turkey cakes have two inherent flaws. First, they're made out of chocolate icing...

which looks like poo.

This you know.

However, the other problem - which I have avoided mentioning until now - is that they also tend to have long skinny bodies and blobular heads, which can look, well...

a little stiff.

Combine these two unfortunate predilections, and you get:

The turkey poo-wang.
(Nice "legs.")

Here's another:


This guy looks pretty shocked. Think that's because his beak fell off, or because he's so surprisingly out of proportion?*


*ACTUAL DIALOGUE WHILE WRITING THIS POST:

Me: I'm not sure about "surprisingly out of proportion."

John: Why, what's wrong with it?

Me: Well, it's quite a mouthful.

John: [screeching laughter]

Me: [innocently] What?




Turkey: the other dark meat.


Katey S., Owen H., Paula W., Laura I., & Lola P.,
these Wrecks give new meaning to "giving you the bird," don't they?

- Related Wreckage: Butterfly Misses

Jamie said...

okay, that post brought tears of laughter to my face. surprisingly out of proportion indeed. Thanks!

Linda S. said...

I think the turkey poo-wang cake is adorable! It's so goofy that it has achieved cuteness.

Leona said...

That's too funny!!

cookie_monster said...

i would be so embarassed to serve any poo wang turkey cakes at any type of get-together. Especially ones that are out of proportion. Although, the upside....it would definately be the talk of the party.


wv: nuges. these cakes are all nuges. they need pants.

Cottagecheap said...

that last poo wang could trim his foliage a bit.

WV: Nother. I didn't think there was a nother way to mess up these cakes, but I was wrong.

miss. chief said...

uhh...yep. those are definitely wangs.

duffylou said...

love these cakes! i wonder in the turkey world if size does matter? some of that plumage is mighty big.

Annicles said...

Phallic poo - I love it!

gatofish said...

OMG, "poo wang"! Too funny!

Anonymous said...

Todd said... "Turkey Poo-Wang" would be an AWESOME name for a band.

Alix said...

I saw a pretty phallic rendition of the turkey cake on Fail Blog and assumed it was one of your beauties. Do cake decorators honestly not make the connection between the turkey head/neck combo and the "stiffie"?Your words, Jen... your words.

Meddygon said...

I am convinced that these wrecks are caused by the designers for a catalogue purposely making phallic designs just to see if the grocery store bakery staff that end up making the thanksgiving cakes will actually do it without a second thought.

Kirchy said...

Yep, gave giving her the bidr a whole new connotation ;)

Gary said...

More evidence supporting my claim that we need a program to teach people what an actual turkey looks like.

... Maybe we also need to teach cake decorators what genitalia look like, so they'll know what not to do on a cake.

Ashley said...

My grandmother has yet to stop laughing. We spent Thanksgiving laying a family member to rest, this is EXACTLY what we needed! Thanks so much Jen. Nothing like confectionary dildos to ease your greiving. :P

TroubleV said...

OMG! I'm still laughing! That last little guy might have some... envy... with the poo wang above him! That must be why his feathers are so big! He has little man syndrome!

Amanda Mac said...

Oh, that's rich... it's a poo-wang clan!

Half Assed Kitchen said...

Snickering into my coffee...

Goblue562 said...

Well, it should be obvious to everyone: Store bakeries do their share of equal opportunity hiring and hire blind cake decorators. That way they can't actually SEE what it is that they're putting on those cakes. That's the only explanation other than Meddygon's of the bakers just pushing the envelope a tad.

Anonymous said...

No offense, but how ignorant ARE these bakers, anyway?

Isn't there some point when you take a look and realize either:

A) Fix it.

B) Scrap it.

Or C) Take it home and NOT sell it to customers.

Seriously, how do these places stay in business?

joanne said...

Poo-wang! LOL and "giving the bird," indeed! These cakes are rather inappropriate for family gatherings, n'est-ce pas? #2 (*smirk*) is really crying those tears of blood today. ick!

Poo-wang looks a little relaxed. On a bed of lovely rose petals. How, er, romantic?

#4 looks like what my toddler produced when she was having witholding issues during potty training. After 8 days of self-induced constipation, she produced a whopper that stood straight up on end above the edge of her little potty insert. She called it the "rocketship poopy." If it had eyes and half a beak, it would look like #4!

that poo-wang looks a little like an amputee...

Melissa said...

Oh my God, the term 'turkey poo wang' is the funniest thing I've haerd since 'coiled crap hound!'

Maureen said...

Although the hilarity of today's cake are not even in question.. I can't believe you didn't see the worm eating...uhhh.... member in one of the "top ten"... I won't tell you which one, mostly because I want to make sure that it's not just my mind in the gutter! keep 'em comin' !
~maureen~

IrisFleuron said...

I must say I never will look at the Holidays the same way ever again.

How could one day bring so much laughter and joy into the world.

Wreck On!

One Girl in All The World said...

oh Jen - so wrong, but yet soooo right! lol

Terry Lee said...

snickering and snorting and peeing my pants.

simultaneously (i'm a multi-tasker).

gawd, this is a funny post.

Estir_BunE said...

ROFLMAO!!!!!!!!! Toooooo funny!

Birgit Kerr said...

My 4-year-old was looking over my shoulder and asked "Ewww, why are you looking a poopy turkeys?" LOL I guess that says it all!

Kimberly Chapman said...

I've never met John yet can totally imagine that moment of laughter. :)



wv: amaters...Unpaid hobbyists, as in, most amaters I know can still decorate better than wang-poo!

morriganscrow said...

I can't say I ever expected to read the words "turkey", "poo" and "wang" in the same sentence, never mind lumped together as a title!

I should've remembered the coiled crap hound....

andygirl said...

that was quite a mouthful *ahem*

the first one looks like poo on a bed of hot dogs. which makes it worse somehow.

Anonymous said...

I also think the first turkey looks like a flasher holding open his multi-colored rain coat.

Stacey said...

You guys are hilarious!

Just Me,Pilgrim said...

LOL.... oh boy did I ever need this laugh this morning, thanks!!!!

Especially the part where you started laughing innocently because you didn't get why John was laughing. That's a good one. You're so cute, Jen.

Thanks for all these turkey wrecks this week, they were great!

Siouxzr said...

I love that the bakery was so proud of turkey poo-wang #1 that they put it on a little stand for better viewing. I too think the little guy looks like a flasher in a raincoat --
awesome commentary Jen!

MommyAmy said...

What ever happened to a nice decent pumpkin pie??? lol

John and Sarah Sperry said...

Eeeeewww. Cakes are supposed to be appetizing, not nausea-inducing!

diddleymaz said...

I laughed til i nearly wet myself!

Sarah, Tim, and Margaret said...

smile smile smile

Elessa said...

My throat hurts from laughing so hard. Thanks for that!

Julie said...

Oh. My. God. *dies*

Tara said...

Thank you for the "hide the children" warning. I appreciate it. :)

WV: intankini: these turkeys could benefit if there were intankinis. :)

holly said...

Mr Happy Turkey is Really Happy! Standing right up there at attention, he is.

Don't worry about kids. They're not 'offendable' when it comes to poo or penises. Especially boys. In fact, they're the worst offenders. I live in a house of men. I know.

deemack said...

I wonder how many wrecktastic designers are seriously repressed? These poo-wangs seem to be a recurring theme!

Anonymous said...

Oh my goodness..lol! Never read this blog while in a public library! Tears in my eyes and my face is all red. Really made my day.

James said...

turkey poop wang! Ha ha ha ha HA!

Meet My Camera said...

Can't

Stop

Laughing.

You rock.

jess said...

I actually laughed outloud at the conversation you & John had, too funny. I love this website!

WV: gergi
An orgie with a gobble, gobble twist, you know as in those cake were about to take part in a gergi.

Anonymous said...

the "turkey poo wang" - wonderful!

XJ said...

Oh YUCK! I can't believe that bakers don't realize these cakes look so unappetizing. I sometimes wonder if some of these are done by disgruntled decorators. How can they NOT see what we're seeing?!

Anonymous said...

Here's what I don't understand. Thanksgiving cakes have given you practically a month's worth of material. However, who eats cake at Thanksgiving? It's all about the pie! Are there that many families that eat Thanksgiving cake that these cakes are so prevalent?


wv: imisti - These cakes had me laughing so hard, imisti in the eyes!

Aisha said...

When I saw the second turkey cake I instantly thought of a turkey wearing one of those old curly wigs, but in yellow, red and orange instead of white. LOL :P

Anonymous said...

*snort*

ksaldria said...

Best post ever! XD

Carrie said...

Hahahahahahahahhahaha...turkey poo-wang..Hahahahhahahahaa. *wipes tears from eyes

CaroCraftnaster, sugarless since 2001, mommaless since 1997 said...

This post made me even gayer.

Pat said...

SOOOOOOOOO funny! The "turkey poo wang" is priceless, but I'll always have the "coiled crap hound" as number one in my giggle inducers!

Kaitlyn said...

That's what she said!!!

kitten keeper said...

Actually cake 3 was not a bad looking cake - until ...


I agree with the - about 11:30 am - Anonymous post.

Erin said...

My three year old was looking over my shoulder and liked the last turkey cake. She said "Oh,that's so funny!" and I said "And it looks like a poop, doesn't it?" and she said, in the most delighted voice "Yeah!"

Malinda said...

I've never laughed so hard!

Karah said...

turkey poo wang. OMG. BAHAHAHAHAHA!

Always a Bridesmaid said...

LOL re: turkey poo-wang.

gaylechoo said...

"Melissa said:
Oh my God, the term 'turkey poo wang' is the funniest thing I've heard since 'coiled crap hound!'"

You said it, sister! All these cakes need are some poo tornadoes to complete that festive Thanksgiving theme.

It's PIE season, people - if you would stop ordering cakes for Thanksgiving, all this (literal & figurative) crap could be avoided.

Mandy said...

"Turkey poo wang" *snort*!!!!

This post has made my day. LOVE the dialogue finale!

Suzanne Dargie said...

"Giving you the bird!"
You're SO funny!
I can't believe these are allowed to be sold in public grocery stores...or are we just deviants for seeing them this way?

Lucille Ball Jr. said...

I don't understand the dialogue between you and John.

...some favorites. said...

the funny thing is my husband would think nothing is wrong with these turkeys lol

Lucia said...

way to funny!

Lucille Ball Jr. said...

I have not read your blog in a long time. It is great to be back!

Audrey said...

@Erin
LOL! You never KNOW what they will say next!

Jendula said...

oh this made my day! HEElairous!

denestria said...

Have you seen the Cake Wrecks (Flip camera) commercial? A guy is using a camera to film a professional cake and says, "This is what it's supposed to look like..." then pans over to a Wrecked version of the cake and the annoyed looking woman who made it.

http://www.doyouflip.com/watch/Cake%20Disaster

Bree said...

No wonder these turkeys look happy this time around!

Anonymous said...

hahahahaha
THANK YOU. so much.
All the turkey cakes from the past few posts have been hilarious and greatly improved Thanksgiving at my house. :-D
But today's are best of all! Lily

Deb Geisler said...

My mother is visiting from Ohio for the holiday, and I gave her your book (gotten when you all were in Framingham, Mass.) to read. She was laughing so hard she couldn't speak, and she's planning to get a copy of the book for her sister. :-) Then I showed her the blog, complete with phallic turkeys, which set off more gales of laughter!

Anonymous said...

If you've ever seen a real turkey, it's not poo-brown anyway. They're white, especially their necks & heads. These wreckerators need to get out more. Maybe visit a farm after their Wilton class. --Samantha

Little Lovables said...

eww... where has that wang been?

Belle T. said...

I think I gave myself a hernia laughing at the Turkey cakes! I will never look at a Turkey in the same way ever again. I found this site three days ago and have not stopped until I have looked at every sigle wreck! I can't tell If I am having chest pain from a heart attack or if it is from my aching chest from laughing! Thanks a million!

Anonymous said...

I'm so jealous!

here in the UK we don't celebrate turkey poo-wang day &so can't buy such wonderful cakes

Sharon.T. said...

The first thing that popped (or should that be pooped?!) into my head was 'Oh dear' Can they genuinely not see that their cake is shaped like a penis covered in poo? Dibs on not eating the poo-penis!!

Anonymous said...

I thought Mr Hanky only came out at xmas time?

MaryBe said...

This was your funniest post ever!

Anonymous said...

Actually, most domestic turkeys are white, which is what we all eat at T'giving. But wild turkeys (we have a flock living about 1/2 mile away) and they have a blue-red head. And I believe that's what people are trying to copy for T'giving, the traditional Pilgrim-wild turkey- look. Except they're not right. And they don't have red, orange and yellow feathers either.

http://images.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://coquinadaily.com/daily/imagesdaily/071122/503pxmalenorthamericanturkeysupersaturated.jpg&imgrefurl=http://coquinadaily.blogspot.com/2007/11/thursday-november-22-2007.html&usg=__hFmIrq1msgZbXgiG8WPROB8JM3M=&h=480&w=403&sz=38&hl=en&start=4&tbnid=J_br3owPxEmFbM:&tbnh=129&tbnw=108&prev=/images%3Fq%3Ddomestic%2Bturkey%26gbv%3D2%26hl%3Den

Heather said...

This one reminds me of an afghan my Grandma had at her house!

Gourmet Kelly said...

Thanks for the hysterical laughter today! Not sure what made me laugh harder, your post with witty banter or Melissa's comment.

Michelle S. said...

awesome poo wang clan

darkshines said...

Four words for you now: What. Would. Freud. Say.

Melzie said...

My son asked me why there were turkeys that looked like willeys. *sigh*

Husband cracked up.

I, I just thanked my stars that I make normal cakes. :)

Qtswede said...

Ha ha ha - that one lost his pecker! HA HA HA HA HA!!!!

Anonymous said...

Given the avian nature of this episode, would it be too fowl to call those last items poococks, as opposed to poo-wangs?

Blaire and Chris said...

HYSTERICAL!!!! You never cease to make me LOL Jen!

Anonymous said...

That's why they call it the "struttin' turkey cock"

Kathryn H said...

Best. Entry. Ever.

Melissa (& Billy) said...

Oh dear Lord.

That's about all I can say after looking at these...0_o

DraftCrossFool said...

Owww, I think I pulled something from laughing so hard!

Melanie Beasley said...

"The other dark meat."

Jen, you bring balance to the (bakery) force! I wish you could see a video montage of all of us snorting and crying with laughter all around the world.

Love,
Melanie in NJ

Kylie F. said...

Well done, Jen! This post will certainly be tough to beat. *smirk*

Kylie F. said...

Also, that last one looks like a yeti attacking a can-can dancer...blech.

Kathleen Brook said...

I laughed so loud and hard that my mostly deaf grandma heard me from three rooms over and asked my husband if I was choking. One of the funniest wreck sets yet!

Anonymous said...

"the other dark meat" sent me over the edge!!! hilarious! (though I'm surprised Mr. Turkey isn't bigger....)
Krista

I Love Baby Quilts! said...

Awwww yeah...giggity.

The Larch said...

Well, being galliforms, turkeys are related to chickens, which are also named... guess what?

urban_forager said...

Awwww I'm disappointed that my poo-wang turkey cake didn't make the cut :(

He would've fitted right in with these guys!

(I'm also a little shocked that there are so many poo-wang turkey cakes out there. Wow.)

Tindi said...

Poo...wang... *dies laughing*

David said...

It's amazing how many of those turned out looking like poo.

Amanda said...

Am I the only one who thinks "turkey poo(pu) wang" sounds like a menu item at a Chinese restaurant?

WV: prous--"I'm so prous of you!"

Little Oregon Bug said...

Best cake wrecks ever!! The poo wang tops them all!

Lauren said...

thank you, I never do comment but I like to visit this site once in a while. This particular post has my laughing with a tear running down my face... turkey poo-wang. who'da thunk it

Amy said...

Turkey Poo Wang is my saying of the day! Rofl!

Perry A. said...

I love you Jen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This and Homestarrunner.com are my two favorite sites! Great stuff!

Andee said...

Funny, funny,funny!

RGW said...

Your posts always crack me up. This one however brought tears to the eyes, and I nearly wet my pants. So funny.

Mommy Laity said...

my four year old daughter saw the last turkey cake and said, "That's a funny cake. It's flag one...made out of sand. Is it made out of sand mommy?" Huh? =)

Shana said...

Now I know exactly what CCCs are decent at!

Multicolored explosions. They'd make rather good flaming clouds of doom. *nodnod*

D'aw, fark. My backspace button got lodged and I lost my entire post! It looked a lot better too. ^_^;;

Anonymous said...

...BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

Cupcakes Lady said...

My throat hurts from laughing. I cant get enough, its so funny. xx