Hi all,
Unfortunately, disaster has struck our CW "World" Tour: John is currently in the ICU in a Dallas hospital with pneumonia, and now I've been hit with the sick stick as well. I had hoped to make it to the Austin show today by hopping a flight out this morning, but, well, let's just say my "gut instinct" is to stay near the "porcelain throne." Heh. (Ug.)
I cannot tell you how heart sick I am over this.
As it stands right now, we are canceling the Austin and Kansas City tour stops. Depending on how John and I are doing, we may still be able to make it to Bethesda and/or New York City, but it's too soon to say. Stay tuned to my Twitter feed for all the gory details, and I'll also update here on the blog when I know more.
Thank you all for your well-wishes, and please know that I am so truly sorry. (Especially for the bakers - guys, I promise I will make this up to you somehow.) A re-scheduling is not completely out of the question, but we'll just have to see what happens.
In the meantime, prayers, warm wishes, good thoughts, rain dances, etc., are all very much appreciated. It really stinks to be sick and alone away from home.
UPDATE: More bad news: in addition to the pneumonia, John has developed a staph infection in his blood. He's in critical condition, and so won't be leaving the ICU - much less the hospital - for many days. I'm moving to a hotel closer to the hospital so I can be with him, and I'm afraid this means that the rest of the tour is off. :(
Thank you all again for being so wonderful. Believe it or not, John is still moderating your comments from his hotel bed (talk about an addiction...), so please comment here if you'd like to say hello to him. Better yet: tell him your best joke. He's bored, and needs the laughs right now.
(Hey all! Anne-Marie here! Don't worry, I'm robust and healthy up here in Maine, publishing your comments like crazy! 334 as of a minute ago! John, Jen and all their little viral buddies are loving all the jokes and well wishes. Thanks so much!)
Sunday, October 4, 2009
Tour Wreck - UPDATE
Sunday, October 4, 2009
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Wreck the Halls
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What's a Wreck?
What's a Wreck?
A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.
Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)
- Jen
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- "World" Tour Wrap-Up: Austin
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«Oldest ‹Older 801 – 1000 of 1226 Newer› Newest»Get well!!! My thoughts are with you both!!!
Prayers to you both! My family and I are in the DFW Metroplex and if you need anything please let us know! We can drop things off, etc.
Fast recovery to you both and many prayers coming your way!
Sorry you are both allergic to TX ;)
Thinking of you both and wishing speedy recovery!
And here's some bad jokes to make you smile:
A vulture walks on to an airplane carrying two dead rabbits. The stewardess says, "Sorry sir, we only allow one carrion per passenger."
What happened to the survivors when the blue ship and the red ship collided? They were marooned.
Why don't cannibals eat clowns? They taste funny.
Yikes! I hope your are both back on your cake-wrecking loving feet soon!
Here's a joke for y'all to share. It's from my 10 yr. old boys (yup, twins) OK...here it is:
What do vegan zombies say?
Grains....grraaaiiinnnsssss...!
hee hee!
Get well soon, Jen and John! I had pneumonia 2 years ago that turned out to be a rare lung disease, but with good treatment it cleared up totally. I'm sure that John will recover in the same way. Your wonderful blog has given me so many good laughs.
Best wishes, and I hope you continue the tour in the future!
I wish you both a speedy recovery!!! I'll be thinking of you!
John - my wife was making us hamburgers last week and we were out of buns so she toasted some bread. She got extremely upset when the toast burned. I then commented, "Honey, I know what your problem is...you're BLACK TOAST intolerant!"
We hope you are back to health very soon and able to go home. Jen- we hope you are feeling much better shortly.
God Bless you both.
OMGoodness - my thoughts are with you guys. And of course now I can't think of any good jokes - so watch this, it's funny
http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/a1d3f18c5b/cat-vs-aquarium
-Lara Starr
San Francisco
Praying for a speedy recovery. Nothing is more important than your health, please do not worry about the tour.
John, here's a joke from all your breast-feeding readers out there:
What kind of bee makes milk?
BOOBIES!!!!!
A blonde went to Florida and was determined to get a pair of alligator shoes. She went to the boutique to buy them but was shocked when the salesman told her how much they cost. She said in her squeaky Valley Girl voice, 'If you think I'm going to spend that much money on a pair of shoes you're just crazy!'
The salesman said, 'Look, lady, if you want to get them cheap you can just go out to the swamp and catch an alligator yourself.'
The blonde said, 'I just might do that,' and went off in a huff.
That night, on the way home from work, the salesman drove by the swamp and saw the blonde wrestling with an alligator. He watched in awe as she flipped it up onto the bank on its back beside three other stunned alligators.
The blonde yelled, 'AAAUGH! I don't believe it! This one's not wearing any shoes EITHER!'
Hope you feel better soon John (the hubby of Jen).
wv diriales- Diri not guinness, diriales.
OH NO Cake wreck people should never get sick. Get better and keep bringing us your hysterical, beautiful cake wreck updates. Love from Cali.
Q: What do you call a dog with no hind legs and metal balls?
A: Sparky.
--------------
(this is better read out loud, at least the last part)
(you've probably heard it before, but it's my favorite)
A pirate walks into a bar, and the bartender looks up and sees that he's got a steering wheel sticking out of his pants. So he says to the pirate, "Pirate! What's with the steering wheel in your pants?"
And the pirate looks real mad and says, "Arrrr! It's driving' me nuts!"
Feel better soon! Heres my best joke: A penguin is driving throught the desert when his car breaks down. He brings it into a mechanic and leaves to get ice cream while the mechanic works. (Its hot, hes a penguin, he needs ice cream) So he goes to an ice cream parlor and orders a dish, and sits down to eat. While eating the penguin becomes an absolute mess, getting it all over himself (Hes a penguin, he has to eat with his flippers). Soon it is time to go back and get the car. The mechanic approaches him saying "It looks like you blew a seal..." The penguin interupts with "No, no, no, its just some vanilla ice cream"
I'm praying for you two!
Praying for a speedy recovery for you both.
Staph is a scary thing! Get well soon, and then come up to Canada! (we've got free health care ;)
Here is my all time favourite (non-raunchy) joke!
Three guys try to rob a bank, a brunette, a red head, and a blond. The staff are able to call the police, and the guys are able to run out of the bank without getting caught, but are closely pursued.
They see a huge warehouse, and figure there will be places to hide there, and break in. To their disappointment, the warehouse is nearly completely empty-- only thing that remains is three burlap sacks. With the police so close behind, they have no other option but to try to hide in the sacks.
Just as they close the bags over their heads, the police storm in, and see the burlap sacks. The police kick the first sack, which the brunette is hiding in. He says "Meow."
Surprised, the police exclaimed, "Oh, it's a sack of cats..."
The other two hear the response of the first criminal, and when the police kick the bag with the red head in it, he replies with "woof, woof."
"Oh, it's a sack of dogs...."
The blond guy hears the first two, and prepared for his turn.
When the police kicked his bag, he said "potatoes."
I'm so sorry to hear you're both ill. Best wishes for a speedy recovery!
Do you know what happens when you play a country record backwards?
You get your wife back, your job back, your truck back, your dog back ...
A blind woman walks into a store with her seeing eye dog. Suddenly, she picks up the dog by the tail and starts swinging it over her head. An alarmed clerk comes over and asks if he can help her with anything. "No thanks," she says. "I'm just looking around."
Hope you both feel better soon.
Ah! i am so sorry that you, John, are so sick, and that you, Jenn, are too. Please, both of you rest and take care of yourselves. Even if we fans have to go a few days without a post from you, that would be okay, becuase your well-being is more important.
But, now that I think of it, since John is in the hospital, perhaps you could take this opportunity to covertly photograph all the desserts sent in on your food tray. Sure, it won't always be cake, but when you are through, you could create a photomontage for us along with your funny comments.
Anyway, just get better.
- Shannon
I've never commented before, but I read your blog every day. You guys are the best. Get lots of rest and feel better soon.
Nancy
Need a good laugh, eh? Check out this link. It's called "What Old People Do For Fun".
http://www.facebook.com/home.php#/video/video.php?v=1103004008858
Speedy recovery wishes to both of you!
OH NO Cake wreck people aren't supposed to get sick. Where am I supposed to get my ridiculously hysterically stupidly wrong cake fix from?
Hope you feel better soon. Sorry, the only joke I know was told to me by a 5 year old (she's 22 now)
Why do seagulls fly over the sea??
Cause, if they flew over the bay, they'd be bagels.
Yeah, I said I was sorry. Be well.
Jenn @ Curious Gravy
www.curiousgravy.com
How awful! We hope you both have a speedy recovery and look forward to dates in the future when you are both well.
As for a joke...ok, you asked for it.
What did the snail say as it was riding on the turtle's back?
WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ok and another...
How does Peter Pan fly?
If you were hit in the peter by a pan, you'd fly too.
Can you tell I hang with kids a lot?
Warm wishes and many hugs :-)
Hi, total stranger here but I live in Dallas and would like to help if I could. I can provide books, magazines, foodstuff. Please let me know how I can help.
Leslie McFarlane my email is lesmcf@yahoo.com
moderator: please don't post this with my email address - just wanted to make on offer of help. I can't get my darn Google ID thing to work so I'm computer stupid but good hearted
Oh my goodness. The very best wishes for speedy recoveries ... get well, please!
My nine-year-old niece came up with a joke:
What did the constipated hot dog say?
'Must.turd...'
A blonde was driving down the road one day and saw another blonde, sitting in a boat in the middle of a wheat field. She was so angry at the sight that she pulled over, got out of her car, and yelled: 'It's blondes like YOU that give the rest of us a bad name, and if I could swim, I'd sure come out there and teach you a lesson!'
wv cimesco- your room is a real cimesco clean it up!
I'm in Kansas City and couldn't make it the day you were coming anyway. Hope you reschedule!
Oh my god, this is CRAZY. We just saw you guys in Chicago and everyone seemed fine! It's gutwrenching, how quickly things can go badly. Our best wishes and prayers are on their way for a speedy recover. Staph infections AND pneumonia both suck. Do your best to just get better!! Kristi, OJ, Drake and Oksana
Jen & John, hope all is well!
I saw your book in Borders where I work, and like a good Wreck fan, joyously explained about your blog to my coworkers. Interest was piqued. I hope that news cheers you up!
As for a joke...why are dragons big, green, and scaly? Because if they were small, white, and smooth, they'd be aspirin.
Get well soon!
Hey, loved seeing you both in Chicago! Just concentrate on getting well right now, the rest of the tour visits will keep :)
What happens when you drop a bomb on a French kitchen floor?
Linoleum Blownapart!
Feel better!
Katie
How do you make a kleenex dance? Put a little boogie in it!!
How do you scare a bee?
Boo Bee!!
Those are my favorite jokes, hope y'all are feeling better soon!
Praying for you both. I've been down the ICU route with my hubby before... it isn't fun. Take care of yourself too.
Long time reader, 1st time poster.
Kay
I'm so sorry! I'm praying for both of you to have quick recoveries. Especially you John.
My husband's best bad joke: A priate walks into a bar with a ship's steering wheel stuck in his pants. He walks up to the bar and says to the bartender "Arrrrr! Give me some ale!" As the bartender serves him he can't help but wonder and finally gives in, "Why do you have a ship's steering wheel in your pants?" The pirate looks at him and says "Arrrrr! It's driving me nuts!"
Please take care of yourselves!!! John, I spent 10 days in the hospital last December (strep for me, different of course but a similar pathogenic fiesta!). Fyi, I'm groovilicious now, and happier and healthier than I've ever been. Focus on u, ewe and YOU! (I'm picturing a tiny sheep eating green frosting grass, yes?) I'm sending thoughts for healthy and inflatable lungs, happy blood and lots of smiles!!!
Sina in Tucson
Oh, noes! I am so very sorry to hear about your illnesses. John, get better soon! And Jen, I hope you take some local Wreckies up on their offers of assistance.
Thanks for soliciting jokes, I'm having a great time reading through all the comments.
My fiance (a regular reader who loves your site) asked me to post his joke combo:
Q: Why did the protagonist cross the road?
A: Dramatic Necessity
Q: Why did the antagonist cross the road?
A: Deus ex machina.
That kills our 9 year old (don't ask).
John and Jen get better as soon as humanly possible, or even cooler super-humanly possible : )
Can't wait to hear that you guys are back in good condition. Cause under neat it all, I really really like ya, you make me laugh daily:D
John should check out peopleofwalmart.com, as it's great for laughs. Get well soon!
Now for some jokes of mine (kinda heavy on the puns):
1) Descartes is sitting in a bar. The bartender asks if he'd like another shot. Deciding on moderation, Descartes replies "I think not." And disappears.
Um, I didn't say it was a good joke. ;-)
2) Some friars were behind on their belfry payments, so
they opened up a small florist shop to raise the funds.
Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of
God, the rival florist across town thought the competition
was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but
they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close.
They ignored him. He asked his mother to go and ask the
friars to get out of business. They ignored her, too.
So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest
and most vicious thug in town, to "persuade" them to close.
Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd
be back if they didn't close shop. Terrified, the friars did so,
thereby proving that . . .
Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.
(I first read this in a Spider Robinson book, I think?)
3) An enterprising journalist decided to get the scoop of the day by photographing the fearsome phantom that lived in the spooky old mansion house at the edge of town.
When he entered the house, armed with only his camera, the ghost descended upon him, moaning and wailing and clanking chains.
“I mean no harm; I just want your photograph,” the journalist said bravely.
Pleased at this chance to make headlines, the ghost posed for a number of shots, and the happy journalist rushed back to his darkroom and began developing the photos.
Unfortunately, they turned out to be so underexposed that nothing could be seen in them.
He was distraught, and went to a local pub to drown his sorrows. Meeting his friends there, they asked what was wrong. Not wanting to tell the whole story, he simply explained with a single sentence: ……
“The spirit was willing, but the flash was weak.”
(Taken from Redneck Mommy's blog)
4) While shopping at a local toy store, John came across a long line of people waiting for a promised shipment of dolls from Mattel. As he scanned the line, he noticed his friend, Wally, waiting with all the others.
Knowing that Wally had no daughters or young relatives, John figured that Wally must like the dolls himself.
“Wally, I didn’t know you were a collector!”
“I’m not,” Wally replied
.
“Then why are you standing in this long line?”
“Well, I’ve never been able to resist a barbie queue!”
(Also taken from Ms. Redneck Mommy)
5) And some quickies, also from la Redneck:
Whaddya get if you pour boiling water down a rabbit hole?
Hot cross bunnies.
A toothless termite walks into a bar and asks, "Is the bar tender here?"
A guy walks into a pschycologists's office and lays down on the couch.
He says "Doc, I keep thinkning I'm a dog. Can you help me?"
The doctor says "well, first get off the couch!"
Get Better!
Oh wow, sorry to hear about John. Hope he has a speedy recovery! I hope Jen feels better soon, too.
Oh noooo! I am so sorry to hear this! Best wishes for a speedy recovery!
Here's a joke for you - don't hurt yourself laughing.
An 82 year old man marries an 18 year old woman, and she becomes pregnant. The 82 year old man goes to the doctor to see what the doctor thinks about the wife being pregnant.
The doctor says "Let me tell you a story about another 82 year old man I know." The doctor tells him that the other man went hunting one year and grabbed an umbrella instead of his gun. He got to the pond and saw a beaver, pulled up the umbrella and said "pow pow" and the beaver fell over dead.
The man then asks the doctor, "What happened to the beaver?" and the doctor replies "Another man shot it."
Oh yuck, those staph infections are the pits. I hope you get out of the hospital soon (I hate hospitals). I saw Penn & Teller last night in Vegas and Penn is taller than you'd think and Teller is shorter. Penn told lots of jokes but being very female, I can't remember any of them. I'd ask my husband, but being very male, he's asleep.
Get better soon!
I saw Jen in San Francisco, but didn't introduce myself. Too shy
(except in Vegas).
Oh, my, I hope you both are feeling better soon! Being sick really sucks...
Wishing good health soon-for both of you.
I have two jokes to make John laugh.
Q: What do you call cheese that isn't yours?
A: Nacho cheese!
Two peanuts were walking in the park; one was a salted....
Get well soon!
Get well soon!! We are thinking about and praying for you guys!!!!
A horse walks into a bar and the bartender says "Why the long face?"
To which the horse replied, "My son was just diagnosed with multiple scoliosis."
Get well soon!
John: What kind of cake can you find in the hospital cafeteria?
Jen: Dunno.
John: Stomachache!
(hope it doesn't hit too close to home!) keep your chin up guys we're all sending good vibes and prayers your way, and i'm off to hunt down some better jokes. =)
Kirstie
**A Get Well Soon Joke for John & Jen**
My 6-year old starts every day with a joke, no kidding! So, after letting me sleep in until all of 8am.....
Rudy: Knock, knock
Mommy: Who's there?
PAUSE
Rudy: Will you make me some pancakes?!
what do winnie the pooh & attila the hun have in common?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
they both have the same middle name.
********
********
what did the buddhist say to the hot dog vendor?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
make me one w/ everything.
********
********
what shakes & lives at the bottom of the ocean?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
a nervous wreck.
********
********
what's green & orange & lives in the freezer?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
peas & carrots.
[this last one, which isnt very good, was made up by myself & my exhusband when we had just hit legal driving age. he went on [when he was past legal driving age & we were past our marriage] to co-lead a Satanic cult--& become a marriage counsellor.
You think I jest.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
No.
I just thought that that truth would sound funnier than all the jokes & fictions i could conjure.
********
********
please get well &,
you know,
have a happy.
;-)
Here is a great video, lol. cracked me up!
http://comedians.comedycentral.com/greg-behrendt/videos/greg-behrendt---cake
keep smiling John, you'll pull through this in no time.
Kirstie
You and John, hope you both get well soon. Wish you all the best. May God bless you both.
Summer
A Writers Den
Brown Mestizo
As thrilled as I was for Cake Wrecks to come to Dallas, you were never in a million years supposed to STAY here, and especially not like this!
Jen suggested commenting with a joke, or something to make you smile. It's not anything cake-related, but this blog is good for a laugh (or at least a grin): http://mylego365.blogspot.com
Hope you're both back up & running very, very soon.
--BreeAnne
Oh, no! That's so awful! I really hope that poor John gets back on his feet soon and I'm sorry that this happened to you both!
My favorite Joke (slightly NSFW)
A man gets a bit randy and decides to pick himself up a five dollar whore. So he goes to the street corner, picks her up, brings her back to his place, has a few hours of fun, then drops her back on her street corner again.
The next day, he feels all itchy down below. He realizes that he has crabs!
He goes back to the woman and goes "You bitch, you gave me crabs!"
She replies
"What did you expect for five bucks, lobsters?"
And possibly the worst joke ever told:
Two weevils and a dust bunny are on the kitchen floor.
Someone walks by and steps on the smaller weevil.
The larger weevil goes "WHY GOD OH WHY?!"
The dust bunny goes,
"Because he was the lesser of two weevils."
in case no one else has thought of it, i recommend a medicinal daily/hourly/minutely dose of teh Qte. it will have you on your feets in no time!
http://cuteoverload.com/2009/10/04/exit-strategery/
love the blog, keep your chin up and don't worry one bit about the missed dates. we'll all be waiting for you both to feel better.
huge hugs
kimz
My favorite knock-knock joke:
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Dwayne.
Dwayne who?
Dwayne the tub, I'm dwowning! (drowning)
Also, a lame one my dad tells:
What's the difference between an orange? A bicycle, because a vest has no sleeves.
I love seeing the repeated jokes--apparently many of us have a similar sense of humor. :o)
Hi Jen and John, my son and I are big fans of your website. Just wanted to let you know that my brother was in the hospital last year with the same thing - pneumonia, then a staph infection. It takes a while to heal, but he is healthy and strong now. Be patient and take it really easy for a while. We're thinking of you.
Kathy
Dear John,
How do you make a tissue dance?
Put a little boogie in it!!
Hope your recovery is swift and painless!
Just saw on Twitter that you have a good chance of escape by Wednesday! Y'all are in my prayers.
As for a late night joke:
Q: Ever wonder about people who pay $2 for a bottle of Evian water?
A: Just spell "Evian" backwards!
Delurking to wish you a speedy recovery. (And when you are up and around again, can you pleeeeease add New Zealand to your world tour?)
That super-sucks that you're sick...feel better, both of you!
I read your blog faithfully, and even though I'm pretty bad about commenting, there's always something to make me laugh, or send me into geek-gasms of delight...just wanted to let you know how awesome you are!
And a final thought...
An Elf walked into a bar. A dwarf laughed...and walked under the bar.
Jen & John,
My thoughts are with you! I hope you get well soon. Be nice to the nurses, they're the ones that really know what's going on :-) Take care and rest!
~Janet
Oh no! I hope you feel better soon.
So here is my lamest joke:
So two cupcakes are in the oven. The first cupcake says "Oh my God we're in a oven" Second cupcake says "Oh my God a talking muffin".
Hope you feel better soon. Our thoughts are with you guys.
Feel better soon!
So two muffins are in the oven. The first muffin turns to the second muffin, and says "Is it hot on here, or is it just me?" The second one says "AAAAAAH! A TALKING MUFFIN!"
(What? you didn't say a GOOD joke!)
Hope John gets well soon!
My calculus teacher used to tell us about the time he had a new kid in class. This young man had just moved to town from the back woods. The teacher was telling the class how to find the area of a circle - using the formula pi*r2(squared). The new student raised his hand and said "Where I come from pi are round".
I guess it would be better if I could write math formulas on here :)
So sorry to hear about the illness. Hope you both get to feeling better soon!
Shanta Browning
Chef/Owner
EnShanta.com
I'm so sorry to hear this. I've been following your tour updates and it sounded like you had a great time! John, have a speedy recovery!!
What did the fish say when he swam into a wall??
DAMN!
Sorry to hear you're both sick! Chin up, guys! Best wishes for a speedy recovery; the tour can wait.
You and John are in my family's prayers. Best wishes to both of you for good health quickly. Whether at home or away, you're together! And hopefully getting excellent care. The tour can wait. Get well!
I'm so very sorry to hear about you two being ill! You are both in my thoughts and prayers! Get well soon! Big kisses from Belgium!
Hope you guys are better soon!
Hope
(UK)
Hope you feel well soon!
Yet another U.K. follower here. Love this blog and was so sorry to read that you are both poorly, and poor John in hospital! Get better soon. My thoughts are with you. x HeyJude!
I hope you and John feel better soon, but let me get this straight, he has pneumonia and a staph infection... and he is still moderating comments!
Holy Crap! Get some rest man!!!
-Jovy
I guess this means a sudden unplanned detour to Atlanta is now...even less likely? I hope you both get well as soon as humanly possible. We love the CakeWrecks, but we don't want you guys to be wrecked also. Feel better!
Get well soon! You are in my prayers!!!
I am so sorry that you guys sick! Haven't read all 800 and whatever
comments so forgive me if this is a
repeat:
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
COMPLETELY stupid but it makes me laugh every time.
Here are some shamelessly cheesy jokes (from my niece and me to you):
Breaking News: The Energizer Bunny has been arrested and charged with battery.
Why did the jelly roll?
Because it saw the apple turnover!
Feel better! <(^.^)>
Feel better soon, both of you!
Oh no! Get well soon!
I went to my high school reunion last week. I noticed someone standing in the corner I thought I remembered. I walked up to her and said "you look like Helen Brown" she said "well you don't exactly look great in red".
Ba dum dum.
Hope you both feel good soon (esp John) and that someone can make you some antibiotic-laced cakes if required. :)
How horrible! Another long-time reader/first-time commenter here, wishing the best to both of you. Rest assured your adoring public are thinking of you, and that we'll be here when you're ready for us. Take your time and get well!
A guy walks up to his friend, shouting, "I'm a wigwam! I'm a teepee! I'm a wigwam! I'm a teepee! I'm a wigwam...."
His friend says, "Relax man, you're too tense!"
Get better, guys!!
Long time reader, but never have never poster before (blog stalker, basically). But I do wish you all the best and hope for a speedy recovery!
That really sucks! Being sick away from home is the worst. I hope both you guys get well soon.
I'm so sorry! :(
What a crappy way for the book tour to end for you guys! Get better!
Jen & John, I read your blog all the time (even if I rarely comment), it's the best!
I'm so sorry to hear about your illness. I hope you both get well soon!
I hope John gets well soon and that you are both well taken care of. I hope this means, that you will come back to Dallas again. No bad association? I'm in Belgium right now and was bummed I missed the world tour. I hope my cakes never end up on your site, but if they do - it would be an honor.
xoxo
Lydia
Dear John & Jen
Sending my best wishes from Australia - take care and get well.
cheers
Cath
hope your both better soon.
Hey Jen & John! I hope you both get better real soon!
Here's a joke, hope you like it:
A nun, badly needing to use the restroom, walked into a local Hooters restaurant.
The place was hopping with music and loud conversation and every once in a while the lights would turn off. Each time the lights would go out, the place would erupt into cheers.
However, when the revelers saw the nun, the room went dead silent. She walked up to the bartender, and asked, "May I please use the restroom?
The bartender replied, "OK, but I should warn you that there is a
statue of a naked man in there wearing only a fig leaf."
Well, in that case I'll just look the other way," said the nun.
So, the bartender showed the nun to the back of the restaurant.
After a few minutes, she came back out, and the whole place stopped
just long enough to give the nun a loud round of applause.
She went to the bartender and said, "Sir, I don't understand. Why did they applaud for me just because I went to the restroom?"
"Well, now they know you're one of us," said the bartender, "would you like a drink?"
But, I still don't understand," said the puzzled nun.
"You see," laughed the bartender, "every time someone lifts the fig leaf on that statue, the lights go out".
Good wishes flying to you from your Australian fans.
OK, two hippos are lolling around a muddy pool. One hippo says to the other "you know your problem? You're fat, lazy and ugly."
The other hippo says "you're so hypocritical......"
Sigh.
I am so sorry to hear that you're both ill. :-(
Prayers and healing energy from Japan.
Wishing you both a quick recovery. I have a joke (although I seem to be the only one who thinks it's funny).
"How do you get an elephant out of the theater?"..... "You can't, it's in his blood" (get it...theater as in stage not movies. He's an actor..it's in his blood). I guess when you have to explain it's not so funny. Hope that didn't make you feel worse. Get well soon.
I hope you both are resting and getting better.
Love your blog and personalities.
Lisa - Charlotte, NC
OH wow! I the both of you are so great! I hope you both get better and home VERY soon! Here's my only funny I can come up with at 3am. One morning I went into my daughter’s room to wake her up to get ready for school. I laid my head on her chest and gave her a hug. She sighed, and her breath rolled down my face. "Whew! You've got some serious morning breath!" I said. She laughed and we proceeded with the morning routine. As we headed out the door to leave, a gust of wind came up and almost blew us off the porch. In the innocence of a second grade voice, my daughter said, "Wow mom! God's got great morning breath!"
Wendy
Washington!
Jen and John, Get well soon! I'll keep checking the website for updates on how you are doing. You're in my prayers.
Angie
Since laughter is scientifically proven to help with healing, here is my favorite joke:
About a century or two ago, the Pope decided that all the Jews had to leave the Vatican. Naturally there was a big uproar from the Jewish community. So the Pope made a deal; he would have a religious debate with a member of the Jewish community.
If the Jew won, the Jews could stay. If the Pope won, the Jews would leave.
The Jews realized that they had no choice. So they picked a middle aged man named Moishe to represent them. Moishe asked for one addition to the debate.
To make it more interesting, neither side would be allowed to talk. The Pope agreed.
The day of the great debate came. Moishe and the Pope sat opposite each other for a full minute before the Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers. Moishe looked back at him and raised one finger.
The Pope waved his fingers in a circle around his head. Moishe pointed to the ground where he sat.
The Pope pulled out a wafer and a glass of wine. Moishe pulled out an apple.
The Pope stood up and said, "I give up. This man is too good. The Jews
can stay."
An hour later, the cardinals were all around the Pope.
"What happened?" they asked
The Pope said: "First I held up three fingers to represent the Trinity. He responded by holding up one finger to remind me that there was still one God common to both our religions.
"Then I waved my finger around me to show him that God was all around us. He
responded by pointing to the ground and showing that God was also right here
with us.
"Then I pulled out the wine and the wafer to show that God absolves us from our sins. He pulled out an apple to remind me of original sin.
"He had an answer for everything. What could I do?"
Meanwhile, the Jewish community had crowded around Moishe.
"What happened?" they asked.
"Well," said Moishe, "First he said to me that the Jews had three days to get out of here. I told him that not one of us was leaving.
"Then he told me that this whole city would be cleared of Jews. I let him know that we were staying right here."
"And then?" asked a woman.
"I don't know," Moishe said. "He took out his lunch, so I took out mine."
I've never left a comment before, but I faithfully logon to Cake Wrecks everyday. My thoughts are with you as you heal from your sickness and during John's hospitalization and recovery!
Your website and the laughter that inevitably comes from the pages has kept my family and me smiling during many challenging times, that kind of medicine is the best!
Angie from Ohio
John--- Feel better soon. You guys just don't know how much happiness and much needed smiles and laughs this website brings. I have shared your facebook page with so many friends, who have also become fans. Sending up prayers for your speedy recovery!
I hope you both get well soon!
Two penguins are sitting on an iceberg. One says to the other, "Hey, you look like you're wearing a tuxedo," and the other says, "How do you know I'm not?"
Get well soon, John. You and Jen bring so much joy to so many people. Thank you.
So sorry to hear that news! Will say some prayers for both of you!
Shannon
I've been following the tour from Potsdam, NY (so far north it's practically Canada!), and I really hope both of you are feeling better. I had pneumonia and the flu at the same time in March, I can't imagine having pneumonia and a staph infection. Please, take care of yourselves, and we'll be here waiting with more wrecky cakes for you!
Oh, Jen, I am so sorry to hear that John is so sick! Praying for both of you here.
Praying for a full and speedy recovery for John, peace for Jen, and wisdom for the doctors.
Oh gosh you guys, that's awful!
Prayers, thoughts, what have you will be with you. ;;
Jamie
That's terrible luck. I feel really sorry for both of you guys. I was really enjoying the tour! Get well soon.
Here's two jokes:
Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm God
When did this start ?
Well first I created the sun, then the earth...
Doctor, doctor, I keep imagining I'm Mozart.
I'll be with you in a minuet.
I am so sorry to hear that you are both sick!!! I hope you both have a quick recovery so you can get back to doing what you (and we) love!!! Get well soon!!!
John - I hope you're on the mend very VERY soon.
Jen - I hope you feel better, too, and that you don't catch anything from John!
Take care of yourselves! That's the most important thing. Y'all have become such a big part of my day...you are in my thoughts!
Oh snap! This is all a little much just to keep from eating my cake! =) You slackers get better soon..hospitals suck!
what do you call a one-legged man in a cannibal camp???
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
Leftovers!
Praying that you both recover quickly and fully! Here's my favorite joke -- simple, but it makes ME laugh every time. I hope John at least cracks a smile. (Also, I hope it's publishable...)
A guy walks into a bar with a steering wheel down his pants. The bartender says, "Um, sir? Are you aware that you have a steering wheel down your pants?" The guy replies, "I know. It's driving me nuts!"
Best recovery wishes and many thanks for the daily laughs!
(((Jen and John))) Gentle hugs for both of you. I am NOT doing a rain dance - we're practically floating in the streets here anyway. BUT I will send up a little prayer for both of you. Hang in there and best wishes for a speedy recovery.
recover yourself soon... we want you here!! :)
All I have to say is...suck it up! The whole country is sick and we all go on with our lives. We need our "Cake" fix. How dare you! My Fall is ruined, thanks a lot. OK, I guess I will wish you a speedy recovery!
-Dawn Stinner
Good wishes and *pixie dust* to both of you. hope you fell better soon!
Jokes? Well here are some Questions to ponder on and keep you amused :) *hugz* Best wishes for a speedy recovery!
Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?
Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there is not enough?
Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
Whose idea was it to put an 'S' in the word 'lisp'?
What is the speed of darkness?
Why is it that people say they 'slept like a baby' when babies wake up every two hours?
Are there specially reserved parking spaces for 'normal' people at the Special Olympics?
If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
Did you ever stop and wonder.......
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze
these pink dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?'
Who was the first person to say, 'See that chicken there... I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it's bum.'
Why do toasters always have a setting so high that could burn the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their bum when they ask where the bathroom is?
Why does your Obstetrician, Gynaecologist leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look there anyway?
Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs !
If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
Stop singing and read on.......
Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?
My best wishes and thoughts to both of you! Get better soon, John. We need you guys to visit the DC area as soon as you can.
Blessings and get well wishes to you both. And thank you for a blog that make me laugh every day! You are both wonderful people and I can't wait to hear that you are both back to 100%.
Oh my, I wish you both a speedy return to good health!
In the meantime, some biology humor...
https://beauchemin.wikispaces.com/file/view/antibiotic_resistance.jpg
Sorry you are sick John! I am keeping you both in prayer.
Joke: 2 guys are in a doctors office.
guy 1, "what are you here for?" guy 2, "getting my tonsils out". guy 1, "Oh, I had that done when I was 9. They gave me ice cream and popsicles, it was great. I was better in a week"
guy 2, "What are you in here for?" guy 1 "I'm getting circumcised." guy 2, "Oh I had that done when I was born. I couldn't walk for a year!"
Take care of both of you! Speedy Recovery and well wishes!
I was looking for an update this morning - you guys have been on my mind and in my prayers for the past 24 hours. Hoping that this a.m. finds you both feeling much better. Please keep us updated as you are able. HUGS!!!!!!!!!!!
Hi Jen and John,
I wish you both a speedy recovery, and I'm so sorry this happened to you!
I really was hoping to get a chance to see you in Chicago, but I was there a day after you were :( I found an excellent little cupcake shop there called Swirlz, thought of you when I was there - nothing wrecktastic in sight!
You're both in my thoughts and prayers!!!!!
John, this is the Harry Potter hater wishing you well. You and Jen are in my prayers for a swift and complete recovery... and for much comfort and peace.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man orders a birthday cake for his wife. The baker asks him what message he wants to put on the cake.
Well he thinks for a while and says, “Put ‘You’re not getting older,’ at the top and ‘You’re getting better’ at the bottom.”
The real fun didn’t start until the cake was opened the entire party watched the message decorated on the cake:
“You’re not getting older at the top, You’re getting better at the bottom.”
Oh I am so sorry to hear about your illnesses. Take care of yourselves. You and John are in my prayers.
Fairly new reader to the blog and have told soooo many about it! Love this blog! Totally addicted! Keep up the great work. Thanks for the laughs.
both of you - Get well soon!
Hope you are both better soon!
I hate that you're both sick. Boo hiss!
I haven't read all the comments so forgive me if you've heard this:
A little old lady was at home when her pastor knocked on the door. She invited him in for some coffee and pound cake (a Southern old lady, see) and they made small talk. Finally he cleared his throat and said "Mrs. Jones, I came by today for a reason. At your age, you need to be thinking about the hereafter"
"Why Pastor Smith, you could have saved yourself a trip. I think about the hereafter ALL THE TIME"
"uhhhh....really? You do?"
"Yes, sir, I do. I go in the kitchen, the basement, the bedroom, the closet and then I think
What did I come here after?"
My thoughts are with you for a speedy recovery - the world needs you! :D
Cake joke:
The corner shop baker was a true artist when it came to making birthday cakes. One customer asked him "can you make a birthday cake for my wife, she's an optician?" He agreed and produced a birthday cake in the perfect detail of a winking eye.
His next customer said "can you make a birthday cake for my husband, he's a dentist." He agreed and produced a cake in the shape of an open mouth, including the teeth and tongue.
At that moment another customer began to leave his shop, when the baker asked "can I help you?" The lady turned and said "no, I don't think so,it's my husband birthday today, but he's a gynecologist."
Sending Chicken Soup vibes from Upstate New York!
So sorry to hear you two are sick! Take good care of yourselves and rest up! Don't worry about your readers, we just want you guys to get better. Get well soon from your faithful reader in Italy!
wv:flogunk-I'm so sorry to hear that you feel like flogunk right now!
I am so sorry to hear you guys are so sick. Both of you need to take your meds and get well quick! (((Gentle, Healing, Hugs)))
My joke offering is:
What did the elephant say to the naked man?
Sure it's cute, but can you pick up peanuts with it?
XOXOX
Julie & Jake - Mother/son fans
P.S. We bought the book, have read it numerous times and it still cracks us up!
Aw, I'm so sorry you guys are feeling poorly-bad. We'll be thinking about you!
If you're still looking for jokes... um...
Q: How do you make a cat go "woof"?
A: Douse it in gasoline and set it on fire.
I am coming out of lurk world to give yall get better wishes!!! Dont worry about us just get better!!!
So sorry to hear you are in the hospital. Hope you feel better really sooon!
Oh no! I hope and pray you two are feeling better soon. You're so sweet and I hate that things like this have to happen. There will be other tour opportunities--for now, just focus on getting better. We love you!!!
Aww crap. Feel better! Soon!
So two neutrons are walking down the street and bump into each other. One says to the other "Are you ok?"
The other says "No! I've lost an electron!" "Are you sure?" "Yeah, I'm positive!"
...and now you know my cheesiest joke.
Ack! Please take care, and get well soon! Just for you John - my fav joke involving baked goods (you'll have to insert your own cartoon voices):
Two muffins are in an oven. One muffin says, "Wow, it's really hot in here!" The other muffin says, "aaaaahhhh! A talking muffin!!"
Tour schmour, just take care of yourselves!
Praying for a speedy recovery! Best wishes to both of you and I look forward to the continuation of your tour...and hopefully the opportunity to come to the Ann Arbor, MI area.
As for a joke for John, I had a customer at the bakery a couple days ago who told me it was his 40th wedding anniversary. Overhearing, one of the other customers said to him, "Hey Charlie, how do you manage to keep things fresh in the bedroom after 40 yrs?" He looked him in the eyes and without missing a beat he said, "Febreeze."
Dear Jen and John, I really hope you get better really really soon. I know how it feels to be sick so far from home, but at least you have each other and all of us to get you through this...
Here is a (really bad) joke that was my high school basketball coach's favorite (talking about me) "She would have been a good basketball player, but she was always Russian" (get it? Rushing? Russian?) awww, forget it, did I just make the matters worse for John??? Sooorrrry!!!
Best wishes for a speedy recovery!! We are sad in Austin that you couldn't make it, and we hope to see you another time. And now, a (very) little joke:
What lies at the bottom of the ocean and shivers?
A nervous wreck!
Get well soon! and here you go:
An old man lived alone in Idaho. He wanted to spade his potato garden, but it was very hard work. His only son, Bubba, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament.
Dear Bubba:
I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my potato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here, all my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the plot for me.
Love, Dad
A few days later, he received a letter from his son.
Dear Dad:
For heaven's sake, Dad, don't dig up that garden. That's where I buried the BODIES.
Love, Bubba
At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local Police showed up and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left.
That same day, the old man received another letter from his son.
Dear Dad:
Go ahead and plant the potatoes now. It's the best I could do under the circumstances.
Love, Bubba
I'm sorry to hear this! Please get well soon!
Get well soon! and here you go:
An old man lived alone in Idaho. He wanted to spade his potato garden, but it was very hard work. His only son, Bubba, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament.
Dear Bubba:
I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my potato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here, all my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the plot for me.
Love, Dad
A few days later, he received a letter from his son.
Dear Dad:
For heaven's sake, Dad, don't dig up that garden. That's where I buried the BODIES.
Love, Bubba
At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local Police showed up and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left.
That same day, the old man received another letter from his son.
Dear Dad:
Go ahead and plant the potatoes now. It's the best I could do under the circumstances.
Love, Bubba
That sounds awful! I hope you both feel better quickly.
Although I live no where near a World Tour stop, I am sure everyone will understand. Get well quickly...My thoughts and prayers are with you!
Speedy recovery for both...You will be in our thoughts!
Get well soon, both of you!
Word verification: heoven - where he-men bake their he-cakes.
Get well soon John and Jen! I want you to be healthy enough to be able to continue bringing me a laugh every day with the wreckiness that is found out there.
John & Jen~
Tell us you're getting better! I can't wait to see the cakes this inspires! Be well, the force is with you!
Jennifer
Beaverdam, VA
Jen and John - My hubby and I both wish you the speediest of recoveries. Or at least I do..my husband is also sick right now. I fear he may also have pneumonia. Hey! You can be sick buddies! Woo?
All the best,
Melissa & Steven L. in MN
OH NO! I hope John feels better really soon, you both are in my thoughts and prayers!!
Seriously? You want a joke? Aaaargh! OK, mine aren't exactly safe for work, so to speak, but here goes:
3 engaged couples visit their priest for premarital counseling. Priest advises them all to remain celibate before the big day, and to report back to him in a month. First two couples report that it was tough, but they made it. Then the third couple comes in. Guy says "we were doing really well, Father, but then she leaned over to pick up a loaf of bread and . . . I couldn't help myself . . . I had to take her right then and there." The priest blushed, stammered, and said they were a nice couple but wouldn't be welcome back in the church. The bridegroom replied, "Yeah, that's OK, they won't let us back in the grocery store either."
Hope you have a speedy recovery! Best wishes.
I had a MRSA infection myself back in January so I know it's awful. Get well soon! Here's a joke courtesy of Monty Python:
"My dog has no nose."
"How does he smell?"
"Awful!"
Thinking of you and sending healthy vibes to both.
John,
Get better soon! I've had pnuemonia before - no fun! We are praying for you as you fight to get better!
Jen,
Praying for you as well. I know it's frightening to see someone you love get that sick. And on top of that worry, you're sick, too! Our thoughts and prayers are with you and the doctors.
don't worry about anything but yourselves right now. you have a lot of fans & a great following- people understand & just want you to get better!!!!! so concentrate on that- the tour will happen again in good time. :-)
Sorry to hear your both so sick! I'm up here in Dallas too, visiting a sick grandmother...wonder if you are in the same ICU....I'd bring you both a cupcake!! ;D
Love, Kelly T.
Hope the both of you get to feeling better soon. Best wishes for a fast recovery :)
best wishes and prayers with you guys. I've been watching Grey's Anatomy a lot lately, so as an expert on TV medicine, I feel confident in telling you that you will recover just fine :)
I hope you guys get better very soon!
Yipes! Hope you're both feeling better soon! I'll be thinking good thoughts your way. (& as a fellow Mainer those lobster cakes the other day had me cracking up- get it- cracking- heh).
Meanwhile- a joke from my 7 year old on his way out the door to school...
What animal do you NOT want to take a test with....
A CHEETAH! :)
Feel better-
Lynnie in Kittery.
Throwin up some prayers for you both.
~Veronica B.
Feel better guys! I'll leave you with one of my favorite jokes from way back in elementary school:
Where does a General keep his armies?
Up his sleevies!
(chuckle)
:)
I was looking forward to meeting you two in Bethesda, but your health is more important! Get well soon - I hear cake is good for what ails ya. :)
--kate in VA
joke first:
a pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel on his pants. the bartender says "hey, you know you have a steering wheel on your pants?" & the pirate says "yaarrr it's drivin me nuts!!!"
BAAHAHAHA!
get better! just focus on that right now- everything else will fall into place! take care of YOU GUYS.
We wish you both a speedy recovery from up here in NY!
-Amy
Get well soon!
wv: pactzoo; God bless you, have a kleenex.
First, the serious stuff: a special prayer for supernatural healing and unmatched wisdom for the doctors and nurses on staff working to heal both of you! Second, a joke: How do you make friends with a squirrel? Climb a tree and act like a nut! Feel better soon! Alisa
Oh dear. Rest and get better, especially you, John! Neither of you worry about anything but healing up...to heck with the tour, we're far more concerned with your health!
So sorry to hear.. :( Hope you both get better soon!
I've been reading Cake Wrecks for a while now, and really enjoy it. Thanks for bringing such .. err... odd cakes to us readers. Even though I enjoy viewing what so-called professional decorators create. I really enjoy the Sunday Sweets as a welcome break. Some awesome stuff there.
Hey John & Jen! So sorry for your misfortune. Wishing a speedy and complete recovery for all!!
Maxx
P.S. What happens to Rice Krispies when you pour vodka on them instead of milk?
They don't go snap, crackle and pop anymore, they just lay there and giggle. (Won worst joke of the day with that one many, many years ago.)
Oh man, I wish I knew a good joke but I am jokeless.
Really hope you both are feeling better soon. That just so sucks.
FEEL BETTER!!!
My goodness! I hope both of you get better soon!
Sending lots of get well wishes and healing thoughts your way!! I hope the both of you are feeling better very soon!
Hi John!
Two cupcakes were sitting in the oven. The first cupcake says "Holy crap it's hot in here!" The second cupcake says "Holy crap, a talking cupcake!!!"
I hope the hospital food is palatable and the nurses are extra friendly.
Get well soon!
Get well soon both of you!
Two cannibals are sitting by the fire, eating a clown. The first cannibal looks at the other one and says, "This taste funny to you?"
I hope you feel better soon John!!
We love you guys in Alabama. I've spent many hours in the hospital with my mom, who considers her MRSA the least of her problems! And she is totally fine now, even through multiple other surgeries.
I'm sure the people in the hospital appreciating you bringing them some Happy Falker Satherhood. :)
Oh no! Feel better, both of you! I'll be thinking of you guys and hoping for a speedy recovery.
Aieee! Your only obligation is to get well! Many blessings to you both...may you heal fast and well!
Wow - I hope that John gets better! Pneumonia AND staph - I'm sure those aren't the souvenirs you guys were expecting to bring home from the tour! Feel better soon!
Oh and here's my favorite joke:
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back?
A stick.
A duck and a camel walk into a bar...
Ouch!
Hydrogen and Helium are walking down the road when
Helium: *shouts* "Oh no I've lost an electron!"
Hydrogen: "Are you sure?"
Helium: I'm positive!
It was so awesome to meet you Jen!! You rock! I hope you and Jon get well and have a speedy recovery. Pnemonia stinks and I know this first hand! Take care and know that about 5000+ people love ya!!(that's I'm sure an understatement).
Hey Jen and John I am so sad reading you guys are sick. Please get well soon and know we're all thinking of you and rooting for you too! I hope it isn't the Nake Mohawk Carrot Jockey Babies way of taking over the world eek! Take care you guys!
Tracy from Orlando
NOOOOOOOO!!!!!! I'm so sorry you're both sick!!! I'm glad I got to see you both in Orlando. Well, rest assured that many people are sending you hugs, love and prayers and all will be well.
Here's a funny for ya:
Why Parents Drink
A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see that his bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow that was addressed to 'Dad.'
With the worst premonition he opened the envelope with trembling hands and read the letter.
Dear Dad:
It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you.
I have been finding real passion with Stacy and she is so nice.
But I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercing, tattoos, tight motorcycle clothes and the fact that she is much older than I am. But it' s not only the passion...Dad she's pregnant.
Stacy said that we will be very happy.
She owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children.
Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people that live nearby for cocaine and ecstasy.
In the meantime we will pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Stacy can get better. She deserves it.
Don't worry Dad. I'm 15 and I know how to take care of myself.
Someday I'm sure that we will be back to visit so that you can
get to know your grandchildren.
Love, Your Son John
PS. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Tommy's house.
I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the report card that's in my center desk drawer.
I love you.
Call me when it's safe to come home.
I made a potential Cake Wreck yesterday for my SIL but it turned out okay. Still, I had the camera at the ready just in case I needed to submit my own ineptitude! Laziness won out and I didn't decorate it. :-P
Here's my joke:
An extremely good-looking guy walks into a bar with an ostrich. He finds a table and heads up to the bar to get a beer.
The bartender says "That'll be $3.27."
The guy reaches into his pocket and pulls out exactly $3.27 and hands it over without counting it or even looking to check it out.
Meanwhile, the ostrich is getting all huffy and impatient at the table, so the guy takes his beer and sits down.
He comes up to the bar a bit later for another beer, and the same thing happens with the $3.27. This happens twice more but once the guy gets a bag of chips bringing his total to $4.36 and the next time he gets a bag of peanuts, bringing his total to $6.19.
The bartender can't stand it anymore, so he says to the guy, "Hey, whenever you buy something, no matter what the total is, you seem to pull exactly that amount out of your pocket without even having to look. What's the deal?"
The guy heaves a huge sigh and says "I was given three wishes. My first wish was to be extremely good-looking, which as you can see, came true. My second wish was to be able to reach into my pocket and pull out the exact amount of money for whatever it was that I wanted to buy. This also came true, and so far has been working out pretty well."
The bartender asks "What's with the ostrich, then?"
The guy sighs again and says "My third wish was for a chick with long legs and a big rear end."
My son has a get-well joke:
Why did the banana go to the hospital? Because he wasn't peeling very well!
Get well soon~
S. Davis
Knoxville, TN
DOH!!!!!
Feel better soon, guys. I'm incredibly sorry to hear you're sick.
Jenn
to cheer you up, here is arguably the best joke in the world from Cincinnati - I was inspired while walking a beautiful and sadly missed greyhound named Psyche:
Q: what made the golfer give up the ghost?
A: He threw a clod!
(groans are appreciated)
I hope you both get well soon!
While I am terrible at jokes, this does make me think that we should all start making wrecks to entertain the two of you with.
Hmm. if you don't make it to Bethesda, I'm so sending you a picture of my "creation" :)
John and Jen, I am so bummed for you that you are sick and far from home. Sending warm wishes for a speedy recovery for both of you, but please take whatever time is needed to heal.
Did not see this one on the first page of comments, hopefully it's not already in the 655 beyond that :)
So these two Cesium atoms are walking down the street. One stops and says, "I think I've lost an electron." The second one asks, "Are you sure?"
"Yeah... I'm positive!"
:D
Hugs to you both!
Poor John!! If you read this, I'm so sorry, and I truly hope you feel better soon and gets out of there. Being sick is bad, but to be in the hospital because of it is truly awful. In the meantime, some jokes I know to hopefully lift your spirit!
A man walks into a bar. It hurts.
-----
Two potatoes are standing on a street corner. One of them is a prostitute. How can you tell which is which?
Answer: It's the one with the sticker that says IDAHO.
-----
And here're a couple of my favorite asexual jokes, because you don't hear too many asexy jokes:
A guy is at his house waiting for a friend to come over. A moment later, he sees his buddy ride up on a bicycle. His friend never had a bike before, so he goes out and says, "Dude! Where'd you get the bike?"
His buddy tells him, "I was walking over here when this drunk chick rode up to me, jumped off her bike, tore off all her clothes, and told me, 'take whatever you want!'"
The guy looks at his friend, down at the bike, back up at his friend, and says, "good choice!"
--
A guy is sitting at a bar in a restaurant and a waitress notices that he's incredibly good-looking. She finally gets up the nerve to slide over to him during a break and whispers to him, "Hey, how would you like some super sex?"
He looks at her, smiles, and says, "Thanks, I'll have the soup."
(Super sex = soup or sex, geddit? *can hear crickets chirping*)
Please take care of yourselves. We will be waiting for you upon your healthy return.
Oh, Jen and John, I am so sorry to hear that John is so ill. I am praying for you and Jen.
Now for my joke:
What don't crabs have any friends?
Because they are shellfish.
Ha!