Hi all,
Unfortunately, disaster has struck our CW "World" Tour: John is currently in the ICU in a Dallas hospital with pneumonia, and now I've been hit with the sick stick as well. I had hoped to make it to the Austin show today by hopping a flight out this morning, but, well, let's just say my "gut instinct" is to stay near the "porcelain throne." Heh. (Ug.)
I cannot tell you how heart sick I am over this.
As it stands right now, we are canceling the Austin and Kansas City tour stops. Depending on how John and I are doing, we may still be able to make it to Bethesda and/or New York City, but it's too soon to say. Stay tuned to my Twitter feed for all the gory details, and I'll also update here on the blog when I know more.
Thank you all for your well-wishes, and please know that I am so truly sorry. (Especially for the bakers - guys, I promise I will make this up to you somehow.) A re-scheduling is not completely out of the question, but we'll just have to see what happens.
In the meantime, prayers, warm wishes, good thoughts, rain dances, etc., are all very much appreciated. It really stinks to be sick and alone away from home.
UPDATE: More bad news: in addition to the pneumonia, John has developed a staph infection in his blood. He's in critical condition, and so won't be leaving the ICU - much less the hospital - for many days. I'm moving to a hotel closer to the hospital so I can be with him, and I'm afraid this means that the rest of the tour is off. :(
Thank you all again for being so wonderful. Believe it or not, John is still moderating your comments from his hotel bed (talk about an addiction...), so please comment here if you'd like to say hello to him. Better yet: tell him your best joke. He's bored, and needs the laughs right now.
(Hey all! Anne-Marie here! Don't worry, I'm robust and healthy up here in Maine, publishing your comments like crazy! 334 as of a minute ago! John, Jen and all their little viral buddies are loving all the jokes and well wishes. Thanks so much!)
Sunday, October 4, 2009
Tour Wreck - UPDATE
Sunday, October 4, 2009
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Search This Blog
Wreck the Halls
NEW! Pre-Order Today!
|
Buy the Book
Buy the NYT Bestseller
What's a Wreck?
What's a Wreck?
A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.
Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)
- Jen
tabs
- Fan Faves
- The Classics
The Classics
Awards
Praise for the Book
- “Will have you laughing so hard you’ll forget to eat!”— Washington Post
- “a hilarious winner” — The Oregonian
- “a fantastically gut-busting book”— NPR
- “It’s all here, each wreck a disaster of hilarity.” — BookPage.com
- “Hysterically funny!”— Epinions.com
- “laugh-out-loud funny”— The Times
- “Yates’ sharp humor makes the funny even funnier.” — The Dallas Morning News
- “an amazing laugh-out-loud book”— The Book Triblog
What the fans are saying
- "I was laughing so hard, I couldn't catch my breath."
- "As funny as the blog that started it."
- "WAY better than I expected!"
- "Cake Wreckery at its best!"
- "Wrecktastic!"
Awards
- American Mensa:Top 50 Websites of 2010
- Amazon: Top 10 gift books of 2009
- The Orlando Sentinal “Orbbies”: Winner Humor
- 2009 BlogLuxe Awards: Funniest Blog
- 2009 Bloggies: Best Writing of a Weblog, Best New Weblog, Best Food Blog
- The 2008 Weblog Awards: Best Food Blog
- Blogger's Choice 2008 Awards: Best Humor Blog
order
Where's the book?
We don’t have any copies of Cake Wrecks for sale here, autographed or otherwise. We decided the shipping and handling costs would be too high to make it worth your while. So instead, buy your copies locally or online and then order personalized bookplates: it’s cheaper, easier, and I think even looks a bit nicer.
Ordering Info
Payments must be made through Paypal, which accepts all major credit cards. Sorry, but that means no checks or MOs or barter-based chickens.
We ship everything first class USPS, and will do our best to have your package in the mail within 2 days of your order.
Popular This Month
Popular This Month
Archives
-
▼
2009
(419)
-
▼
October
(36)
- Hail, Hailoween!
- Step One: Cut a Hole in the Pumpkin
- The Twilight Zone
- Fan "Art"
- Halloween "Huh?"s
- Halloween Heckling
- Autumn Terrors
- Sunday Sweets: Halloween
- There's a Fly on My Cake!
- When Wreckerators Take the Fall
- Recipes for Wreckage
- "World" "Domination" Tour Back on Track!
- Bride/Baker Communication 101
- Oh, It Sends a Message Alright
- Sideshow Slideshow
- Sunday Sweets: Simply Awwww-full
- "World" Tour Wrap-Up: Austin
- Oh What a Difference a Letter Can Bake
- Teasers for the Coming Seasons
- Erring on the Side of Caution...Is Still Erring
- Do These Drumsticks Taste Funny to You?
- Sunday Sweets: Steampunk
- Happy National Cake Decorating Day!
- Putting Their Best Feet Forward
- "World" Tour, Take #2!
- I'll Have Whatever They're Having
- The Day the Tour Stood Still
- "World" Tour Wrap-Up: Chicago
- "So Funny" In Bold, with Exclamation Mark
- A Long Shot
- Tour Wreck - UPDATE
- Sunday Sweets: Tour De Force, Pt 2
- That's Some Spout
- Comic Issues
- The Dish on Denver
- Adowable Widdle Wrecks
-
▼
October
(36)
1226 comments | Post a Comment
«Oldest ‹Older 1001 – 1200 of 1226 Newer› Newest»-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 9:15 AM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 9:17 AM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 9:17 AM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 9:20 AM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 9:22 AM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 9:23 AM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 9:23 AM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 9:23 AM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 9:23 AM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 9:24 AM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 9:25 AM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 9:26 AM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 9:26 AM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 9:30 AM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 9:31 AM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 9:33 AM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 9:34 AM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 9:35 AM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 9:35 AM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 9:36 AM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 9:39 AM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 9:40 AM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 9:42 AM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 9:43 AM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 9:43 AM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 9:43 AM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 9:45 AM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 9:48 AM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 9:49 AM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 9:50 AM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 9:50 AM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 9:54 AM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 9:56 AM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 9:57 AM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 10:02 AM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 10:03 AM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 10:05 AM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 10:06 AM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 10:06 AM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 10:07 AM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 10:07 AM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 10:10 AM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 10:11 AM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 10:15 AM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 10:16 AM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 10:19 AM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 10:20 AM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 10:21 AM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 10:25 AM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 10:25 AM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 10:27 AM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 10:28 AM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 10:29 AM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 10:30 AM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 10:32 AM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 10:34 AM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 10:35 AM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 10:36 AM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 10:37 AM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 10:37 AM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 10:39 AM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 10:47 AM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 10:53 AM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 10:59 AM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 11:04 AM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 11:04 AM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 11:05 AM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 11:06 AM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 11:09 AM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 11:10 AM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 11:11 AM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 11:12 AM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 11:16 AM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 11:17 AM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 11:18 AM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 11:20 AM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 11:28 AM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 11:30 AM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 11:31 AM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 11:33 AM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 11:34 AM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 11:45 AM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 11:47 AM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 11:52 AM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 11:57 AM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 12:01 PM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 12:02 PM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 12:05 PM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 12:06 PM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 12:07 PM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 12:08 PM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 12:11 PM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 12:11 PM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 12:12 PM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 12:15 PM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 12:24 PM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 12:25 PM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 12:28 PM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 12:33 PM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 12:34 PM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 12:34 PM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 12:36 PM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 12:36 PM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 12:37 PM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 12:38 PM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 12:43 PM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 12:44 PM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 12:51 PM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 12:54 PM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 12:56 PM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 12:57 PM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 12:57 PM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 1:02 PM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 1:11 PM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 1:15 PM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 1:16 PM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 1:20 PM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 1:21 PM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 1:24 PM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 1:24 PM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 1:35 PM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 1:39 PM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 1:48 PM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 1:51 PM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 1:57 PM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 2:07 PM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 2:10 PM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 2:10 PM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 2:15 PM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 2:17 PM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 2:28 PM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 2:28 PM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 2:29 PM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 2:30 PM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 2:32 PM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 3:00 PM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 3:01 PM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 3:02 PM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 3:04 PM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 3:17 PM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 3:18 PM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 3:41 PM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 3:44 PM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 4:02 PM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 4:10 PM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 4:11 PM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 4:13 PM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 4:18 PM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 4:24 PM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 4:37 PM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 4:39 PM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 4:39 PM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 5:21 PM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 5:22 PM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 5:54 PM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 5:56 PM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 6:39 PM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 6:49 PM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 6:51 PM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 6:56 PM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 6:59 PM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 7:13 PM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 7:28 PM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 7:30 PM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 7:30 PM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 7:58 PM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 8:19 PM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 8:41 PM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 8:52 PM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 8:55 PM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 9:19 PM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 9:20 PM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 9:26 PM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 9:28 PM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 9:30 PM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 9:38 PM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 9:38 PM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 9:39 PM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 9:53 PM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 9:58 PM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 10:16 PM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 10:19 PM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 10:20 PM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 10:26 PM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 10:26 PM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 11:25 PM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 11:27 PM
-
-
-
October 5, 2009 at 11:42 PM
-
-
-
October 6, 2009 at 12:06 AM
-
-
-
October 6, 2009 at 12:14 AM
-
-
-
October 6, 2009 at 12:34 AM
-
-
-
October 6, 2009 at 12:55 AM
-
-
-
October 6, 2009 at 1:10 AM
-
-
-
October 6, 2009 at 2:36 AM
-
-
-
October 6, 2009 at 2:47 AM
-
-
-
October 6, 2009 at 3:44 AM
-
-
-
October 6, 2009 at 5:24 AM
-
-
-
October 6, 2009 at 5:51 AM
-
-
-
October 6, 2009 at 6:03 AM
-
-
-
October 6, 2009 at 8:17 AM
«Oldest ‹Older 1001 – 1200 of 1226 Newer› Newest»Okay, here's some true riddles:
In marble walls, white as milk,
Lined with skin as soft as silk.
Within a fountian, crystal clear,
A golden apple does appear.
No doors there are to this stronghold,
Yet thieves break in and steal the gold.
What am I?
And the other one:
What's round, made up of squares, and you use it everyday?
The answer to the first one is An Egg. Think about it....
And the other is Toilet Paper.
Get better soon!
A grasshopper walks into a bar.
Bartender looks at him and says, "Hey! You're famous 'round here. We even have a drink named after you!"
The grasshopper, looking puzzled, says, "You have a drink named Steve?"
:) Hope it made you smile a bit, John! Feel better!!
I'm late to the party, but just wanted to add my well-wishes. I've done a rain dance and waved a feather in the air for you both.
I missed having a nasty blood infection by this.much last week. Nasty stuff. Hate using antibiotics, but in this case, it was well worth it.
Talk about a wreck! So sorry to hear the news, guys - sending you a small army of carrot-riding babies bearing my best wishes for a quick full recovery.
Get well soon, you are in my thoughts! ~Carol
A set of jumper cables walks into a bar...The bouncer walks over and says "okay if you have some drinks, but don't go startin' anything!"
Get better and get home. Those are the two most important things.
John and Jen--Hope you both feel better soon. My daughter and I read your blog several times a week and absolutely love it! If you need a laugh, check out "The Landlord," a short film starring Will Ferrell on Funny or Die.
Brandi in TN
Heavenly Father I just ask for your divine intervention into this situation. We know that all sickness and infirmity is not of your doing and so we ask that you just give John your healing touch Lord. Lord you are our creator and therefore you know how each little molecule should be in its most perfect state. So we ask that you do this for John right now. And Lord while John is under the hospitals care we ask that you guide and direct the hands of all who would be giving care to him. That you give them wisdom in their decisions and patience in their caregiving. Lord I also ask for Peace for Jen. As a bystander to someone who is under a hospitals care it can be so difficult. Lord give her that Peace that passes all understanding so that she may be everything that her loving husband needs at each moment. Lord Bless Jen as well. Lord lift the sickness off of her too and give her strength and vitality to do all that she needs to do. Let them feel your love surround them as they walk through this Lord. In Jesus name I pray. Lord I give you Praise and honour as you answer my prayers. Amen.
God Bless you both John and Jen.
Best wishes!
Best wishes! Get well soon.
Prayers to a return of good health to both of you.
Get well both of you! We'll still be here waiting for your insights.
I'm so sorry to hear this! I hope you both make a speedy recovery.
Jen - you are amazing to even send in a blog post during what must be a tense time for you. Please know as your fans that we understand and only wish good health to you and John. Laughter is the best medicine so I'll leave you with a joke from my 3 year old. Why don't chickens have cars?
Because they can't drive.
fell beeter soon! and a joke :)
What is the difference between a golfer and a skydiver?
A golfer goes *whack* "damn!"
A skydiver goes "DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM" *whack*
Jen & John, if you need anything at all, let me know. I am in the Dallas area(Denton, only about 30 minutes away) and would be happy to supply some homemade food, a couple of good movies, and some disinfectant wipes for y'all! Seriously, though, Texans are reputably hospitable, and I would hate for that reputation to be omitted from your stay!
A rabbi, a nun, and a priest walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and says, "What is this? A joke?"
All-time favourite joke:
Q: How many surrealists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Answer: Fish.
GET WELL SOOOOOOON! :-) Hali
First, blessings and a speedy recovery. Second, a joke:
How do you make a tissue dance?
Put a little boogie in it!
Anna, cake eater
So sorry to hear you're both sick, and that John in particular is SO ill. Refuah schleimah (hebrew for heal fast and completely!).
Jen and John- so sorry to hear you are both under the weather and having to cancel the rest of the world tour. Sending you both lots of get well vibes and warm wishes.
We really enjoyed meeting you during the Seattle stop of the tour.
Jen and John: I wish you both the best and I hope you have a speedy recovery! Hang in there!
Hi John! Can't believe your nasty luck. I heard this joke on Car Talk this weekend...hopefully it's new to you!
A woman goes in to see her doctor all in a panic. When he finally comes into the examination room, she blurts out, "Doctor, I need your help. When I look in the mirror, I look terrible! My eyes are bloodshot with dark circles, my hair is all stringy; even my skin looks gray and saggy. What's wrong with me!?"
The doctor takes one look at her and says, "Well, I can tell you one thing right off the bat. There's nothing wrong with your eyesight!"
That sounds like the worst thing to happen. Get well Jen. I am so sorry. Get well John. We love your addition to this blog and I hope you have a speedy recovery.
~a
Thoughts and prayers coming your way! Hope that you're feeling better soon!
Get well soon! Best wishes!
Oh, Jen and John -- Please, if you need errands run or whatever, I'm probably not the only one in the Dallas area who would be willing to help. Email amforbus [at] tx.rr.com if you need some local support.
Two atoms are walking down the street and one says to the other, "I think I lost one of my electrons..." The other atom responds, "Are you positive?"
[insert quick rimshot/cymbol sound here]
Hope you recover to full health soon!
Best wishes to both of you for a speedy recovery!
And here's a silly Sven and Ole joke to make you smile...
Ole and Sven went on a fishing trip to Canada and come back with only three fish, and Sven says, "The way I figger it, Ole, each of them fish cost us $400. Well. At dat price it's a good ting we didn't catch any more of em than we did."
I will miss you in Kansas City, but wish you a speedy recovery even more so!
Cori
Oh Jen and John! Such bad news for such good people. We've been sick here too but at least we get to be home with our electric blankets and chicken soup.
Funniest joke... Why does a chicken coop have two doors?
...
Because if it had 4 doors it would be a chicken sedan.
---------
What do you call cheese that isn't yours?
...
Nacho cheese.
(but also this joke. :-) )
Oh dear. There aren't many things more important than cake...but health, that's one of them. I hope the hotel towels that Jen is barfing into are niiice and soft. Feel better! - Becca
I see a whole series of Staph Infection cakes coming up ... get better!
Prayers for both of you. So sorry to miss you in Bethesda, but that should be the last thing on either of your minds right now.
Get well soon!
Hope your feeling "better".
Wreck on!
OMG! This is what I miss when I don't read Cake Wrecks on the weekends! GET WELL SOON!!!
Oh no! How awful for you two. I wish you both a speedy recovery. And John--get off the computer and get some rest--STAT!!
Steph
We'll miss you-- there's not enough excitement in KC, this was a big deal-- but pleeeease feel better!
I sent you a Kansas City Cupcake Cake (KCCCC!) photo, just in case a pumpkin could speed the recovery process. :)
Colleen
I check this blog almost daily, but had to leave my first comment to let you know I wish you a speedy recovery!
Thanks for the daily humor! I bought three copies of your book - they make great birthday gifts!
My favorite joke:
Q: What do you call cheese that isn't yours?
A: Nacho cheese (Say it with some sass)
Get well soon!!
Holy hell. Get well soon, guys! So sorry to hear about the tragedies on the road, but the tour can always be done later. The legion of loyal fans isn't going anywhere.
Many healing prayers are coming your way! I didn't think I had room for another internet addiction... but checking up on how Jon is doing is my new one. Much love to the both of you! - Heather
Long time reader, first time commenter. Had to join the chorus by wishing you both a speedy recovery!
Jen and John, best wishes for a healthy and speedy recovery.
[under neat that]
Your fans are completely understanding and are in no way disappointed!
Get well soon! Here's another joke to add to the arsenal ...
A monkey walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "Hi, do you have any grapes?" The bartender says, "No, sorry, we don't." Five minutes later, the monkey walks up to the bar again and asks, "Hi, do you have any grapes?" The bartender says, "No, I told you, we don't." Another five minutes later, the monkey returns to the bar and asks, "Hi, do you have any grapes?" The bartender, who is rather annoyed at this point, says, "No, we DON'T; now GO AWAY and if you ask me again, I'm going to nail you to the wall!" And so the monkey leaves.
Five minutes later, the monkey is back. The bartender, thoroughly exasperated, says, "WHAT???" The monkey asks, "Hi, do you have any nails?" The bartender says, "NO!" At which point the monkey says, "Then do you have any grapes?"
I care about you both so much, even though I don't know you. There is nothing that would make me happier in the next few days than for John to get all better soon. Please take care of yourselves.
Amanda
Oh, no! What sad news!
Please take good care of yourselves, both of you. I'm sending you my heartfelt wishes for a speedy recovery, and I hope Jon's stay in the hospital will be as pleasant and pain-free as possible, under the circumstances.
(Maybe once Jon's feeling a little bit better, you two can both take a stroll to the hospital cafeteria to scout out any possible wreckage?)
Get well soon,
Becky
I am so sorry to hear of "The Plague" befalling you both.
I'm sure all the Wreckists are most understanding...hey, they might even send the sweet treats to you to speed along your recovery.
Heck, maybe after you guys are rested up and do another World Tour you can come up here to The Great White North and enjoy the land of sarcasm firsthand!
Right now, our thoughts are with you, and we pray for your speedy recoveries and that John gets sprung from the hospital soon.
Just started reading your blog a few days ago. It's great!
Hope you both are back on your feet real soon! Take care and best wishes! :)
So sorry to hear it - get well soon, both, and enjoy the get-well cakes that are bound to arrive (if they haven't already done so).
Hi from New Brunswick, Canada. I will be remembering you both in my prayers. Take care, Sue G
hey John, See if you get the docs to hook you up with this: http://xkcd.com/644/
Cheers and get better! Prayers here in MD for you!
I hope you didn't eat one of those dusty moldy old cake wrecks... or any cakes shaped like viruses or germs.
Best wishes from Austin. I'm going to bake some cakes and light all my catholic mojo candles for you guys.
Walter inherited a parrot from his Uncle Ralph. Apparently Uncle Ralph thought it was funny to teach his parrot how to curse like a sailor, which he would do at very inopportune times. Such as when Walter's pastor came to visit. The parrot's language was so vile that the pastor turned bright red, said he had a headache, and left quickly. Walter, while usually not a violent man, was so angry that he threw the squawking parrot into the freezer. At first the parrot continued his stream of curse words but suddenly he got silent. Walter was filled with remorse that he had killed the parrot and quickly wrenched the door open. Thankfully the parrot was not only alive but standing very quietly. He looked Walter in the eyes and said, "I am very sorry for my language. May I ask what the chicken said?"
Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table because the only element he recognizes is the element of surprise. Hope you get well soon. Love the blog, my wife and I check in everyday.
Jen and John -
sending you get well vibes.
Hope both feel better soon.
Scott & Heather
Get well soon, both of you!
GET WELL SOON!!!
If you haven't played Farmville or Farm Town on facebook yet, it's a fantastic time waster. ;)
And a joke...
Men Are Just Happier People--What do you expect from such simple creatures?
-Your last name stays put.
-The garage is all yours.
-Wedding plans take care of themselves.
-Chocolate is just another snack.
-You can be President.
-You can never be pregnant.
-You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
-You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
-Car mechanics tell you the truth.
-The world is your urinal.
-You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.
-You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. (Lefty loosey, righty tighty!)
-Same work, more pay.
-Wrinkles add character.
-Wedding dress $5000, Tux rental-$100.
-People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them. (unless you have pierced nipples and a tight shirt)
-The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
-New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
-One mood all the time.
-Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
-You know stuff about tanks.
-A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
-You can open all your own jars.
-You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
-If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
-Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
-Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
-You almost never have strap problems in public.
-You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
-Everything on your face stays its original color.
-The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
-You only have to shave your face and neck.
-You can play with toys all your life.
-Your belly usually hides your big hips.
-One wallet and one pair of shoes one color for all seasons.
-You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
-You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife.
-You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
-You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.
No wonder men are happier.
There was a priest who was very devoted to the Lord's service. He had one passion outside the church: golf. And one Sunday the weather was so glorious and perfect that he couldn't resist. He called another priest saying he was sick and asked if he would handle mass. The priest agreed and our golf loving priest was on his way. He took pains to drive to a course very far away so he would not run into any parishioners. St. Peter was looking down and saw this. He went to talk to God and said, "God this isn't right." God said, "Don't worry, I'll take care of it." As St. Peter watched the priest went to the first hole, swung and got a hole in one. The priest couldn't believe it- that had never happened! He went to the second hole, and lo and behold, another hole in one! St. Peter watched in dismay as the priest made a hole in one at the third, fourth, and fifth hole. Finally he couldn't take it anymore and he turned to God and said, "God, how is this taking care of it?" God smiled and said, "Who is he going to tell?"
Hey John and Jen! I really hope you feel better... I thought too much cake was impossible.
Unfortunatly, the tour didn't come to Canada, so I am unaffected. I still had some kind of Flu and I am just recovering...not a fun week! Take the time to recover well, rest lots and we'll see you guys back on track soon!
prayers good wishes and rain dance coming your way. I hope you both get better soon.
Oh no, get well soon, John! And Jen, take care.
I've got a joke:
Q: What do you call a deer with no eye?
A: No idea.
Ha. Ha. Ha.
Q: What do you call a dead deer with no eye?
A: Still no idea.
A reader all the way from Singapore,
Kat
Oh my...
My thoughts are with you both. Please do get well soon...
Jim
A couple guys are walking through a park and spot a dog, who's busy licking himself. The first guy nudges the second guy in the ribs and says, "Heh, I wish I could do that." The second guy looks the first guy up and down and then says, "That dog would BITE you."
Hope you're both feeling better. Warm wishes from Denver.
Oh no! Cake Wrecks always always always makes my day! I'm so sorry to hear y'all are ill. :-( Please please please get well soon! You do so much good for society. Why, you've given my children a whole new way in which to view the world. I am forever in your debt. If there's anything I can do, seriously, from Virginia, please, don't hesitate to ask.
We are praying for a full and speedy recovery for John and protection for Jenn! What a terrible and scary time for the two of you!
Hugs from Michigan
Linda
Get well soon. I am so sorry you're BOTH sick. I'm sending healing thoughts and vibes your way.
here's a joke for you:
A man is sitting alone at a bar, nursing a martini, snacking on a bowl of peanuts, and mulling over a terrible day at work. He hears a tiny, high-pitched voice say, "Nice tie!"
Looking around the room, he doesn't see anyone else. Just the bartender, all the way at the other end of the bar.
Again, the voice: "Your hair looks good today!"
The guys thinks to himself, "I must be crazy."
He shouts to the bartender, "Do you hear that voice?"
The bartender looks over, and says, "Oh, yeah. That's the peanuts. They're complimentary."
Oh no! I hope you both are feeling better soon.
And now for my best terrible jokes:
Why didi the monkey fall out of the tree?
Because he was dead.
Why did the spider fall out of the tree?
He was stapled to the monkey's tail.
Wah-wah-wah
(I am aware that those jokes make absolutely no sense.)
Get well soon.
couldn't make it through all the replies to know if you've "heard" this one already or not. But here it goes.
Three people were stranded on an island and were taken captive by a group of cannibals. But being generous cannibals they told them they'd let them have one thing each as a last request before they ate them and used their skins as a canoe.
The first guy asked for a phone call home to tell his family goodbye. They cannibals obliged then, cooked him, ate him and used his skin for their canoe.
The second guy asked for alcohol so he would be so drunk he wouldn't care what happened. The cannibals obliged, then cooked him, ate him and used his skin for their canoe.
The last guy, having seen all that went on with the others, asked only for a fork. The cannibals were confused but obliged. The man started stabbing himself all over with the fork and yelled "To heck with your canoe!!"
******
I never claimed to be good at jokes and it's the only one I could remember. Hope my wreck of an attempt kept you briefly entertained. We're praying for you both and for a speedy recovery. I know this must be scary and hard on both of you and your families. Take it easy and get to feeling well. You give us so much joy with your blog, we wish you all the best.
Zann
This is the first time I've commented on CW, but I've loved the site for a long time. I wish you both speedy recoveries!
Lisa
Oh no! I am so sorry! I hope that John is better fast, and that you are both home safe, sound, and healthy soon! (((HUGS)))
So scary - stay strong, Jen!!
I am praying for you both - this is scary and sucky all at the same time.
Jokes:
How many kids with ADD does it take to screw in a light bulb?.....Hey, let's go ride bikes!
How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb? Just two but how'd they get inside the light bulb?
What do you call a cow w/ three legs? Tritip. With two legs? Lean beef. One leg? Steak. No legs? Ground beef.
I know they're lame, but maybe they make you smile?
Love you guys. Never metcha, but love ya! :)
That really sucks that you guys are sick :( You haven't been in any questionable looking hot tubs recently have you...?
OK well I hope you like my joke. It's a good one and I guarantee you haven't heard it. If you have, they stole it from me:
Two guys are walking through a forest and come upon a big hole. They wonder how deep the hole is and start throwing in rocks to see if they can judge. They throw in a bunch of rocks, each one bigger than the last, but can't hear any of them hitting the bottom.
Finally one of the guys sees a log and gets the other one to help him drag it over to the hole.
While they are waiting for it to hit bottom a goat comes running up between them and jumps in the hole. They think, "Wow, that was weird" and decide that maybe the hole isn't worth looking into anymore.
On their way out of the forest they meet a farmer. The farmer asks them "Have you guys seen my goat?"
They tell him about what happened and the farmer says, "That couldn't have been my goat. My goat was chained to a log."
I usually go into a lot more detail, but you get the jist :D
Hope you guys are feeling better soon!
I wish Wilton frosting was a magic cure...I'd send you two tubs of it. Get better and we're praying for you.
Christina
Get well soon. Sorry to hear about the problems ya'll are having.
Here's a get well soon chuckle for you:
What were the last words spoken at the last supper?
Everbody who wants to be in the picture get on this side of the table!!
Get well soon!!
Long time reader, first time poster (to any blog anywhere). Wishing you both a speedy recovery. Here's a joke for John.
Did you hear the one about the deli worker who accidentally backed into a meat slicer?
He's doing fine, but he's got a little behind in his orders.
wv: FOUSK - I can't write anything funnier for this word than the ideas all the cake wrecker fans will come up with!!!!!!
Jon.... Nurses love cake!... so they should love you!.. I should know.. I work as a cake decorator while in my senior year of nursing school.... Get well soon or you'll get shots in the bum!
Gotta give that sickness an Ultimatum!
just a little note to wish you both a speedy recovery! It's nice to see so many people sharing their well wishes with you, it's funny how much a couple of strangers can care for each other!
All my best!
oh dear! DO get better, DO enjoy the jello, DO encourage the nurses to use metal bedpans as baking vessels and have a surgical-themed bake off...do NOT eat the cakes baked in the bedpans!
A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel hanging from the front of his pants. He swaggers up to the bartender and says, "Arrrr, I'll be havin' a bottle o' rum!"
The bartender gets his drink and, curiosity finally overtaking him, blurts out, "Cap'n, did you know you have a steering wheel hanging out of the front of your trews?"
The pirate sloshes down his rum and replies, "Aye, it's drivin' me nuts!"
Get well soon!
Don't let them get you down!!! Get well soon!
Gah! Please take care! You're both in my prayers for a speedy recovery.
Hope you both feel better soon! I'm sending warm and happy thoughts your way!
Jen and John - wishing you both health and happiness...
Here is my favorite joke:
A skeleton walks into a bar and orders a beer and a mop.
haha!
Get well soon
Leni,India
Feel better, both of you! I'm sending lots of good vibes your way. Good vibes and bad jokes, that is:
So a dyslexic man walked into a bra.
***
So this duck walks into a bar, waddles up to the counter, jumps up on the bar and says the bartender, "Hey, you got any grapes?" The bartender is a bit thrown because, well, talking duck, and says, "What? No, of course not. Now get outta here, you're scaring the customers." The duck says, "Oh, sorry," and waddles off.
Next day, same time, in comes the duck. It jumps up on the counter and says, "Hey, you got any grapes?" And the bartender says, "No, I already told you. Now get out of here!" Duck says, "Geez, sorry," and hurries away.
Next day, same thing. Duck comes in, jumps up on the counter and says, "Hey, you got any grapes?" The bartender has had enough, so he yells, "No! I don't have any damn grapes! And if you come in here and ask for grapes one more time, I'm going to nail your feet to the bar! Now scram!" The duck makes a hasty exit.
The next day, same time, in comes the duck. He jumps up on the bar and says to the bartender, "Hey, you got any nails?"
The bartender is thrown and says, "What? No." So the duck says, "Oh, well, in that case: Got any grapes?"
Feel better!
Jen and John,
I am flying into Dallas tonight for work, and would love to stop by and see you both. Please let me know when and where I can stop by or drop something off.
You can reach me at cakewrecks @ kibeth .com
Jen and John, Best wishes and prayers for a speedy recovery.
I thoroughly enjoy your blog and would have attended the signing at Powells in Portland, had I wanted to relive Japanese rush hour trains.
Now for my favorite joke(I'd almost forgotten it but remembered it just for you):
Two snakes are slithering down the road. The first snake turns to the second snake and asks, "Are we poisonous?"
The second snake replies,"Why yes, we are poisonous."
"Really poisonous?"
"Yeah, we're pretty poisonous."
"Really, really poisonous?"
The second snake replies angrily, "Yes! We're really poisonous. We are some of the most poisonous snakes around! Why do you keep asking me that?!"
"I just bit my lip."
Here's hoping you feel better!
two bees are buzzing around new york on a hot summer day. one bee whines about being hungry and the other informs him of a bar mitzvah taking place a few blocks away. 'it's amazing... every flower and fruit you can imagine!'. so, the hungry bee flies away toward the celebration and returns a while later. 'you were right! flowers, fruit, cakes...' 'see, i told you! but... why are you wearing that little thing on your head?' 'oh, it's a yarmulke, i didn't want them to think i was a WASP.'
Get better, John! Jen, wash your hands and keep your head up!
Wow, that is rough. Poor John and Jen. Feel better soon.
And now, a joke. What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs hanging on a wall?
Art!
Holy cow! I hope you both feel better soon. And now my favorite joke of all time (sorry if anyone is offended, I only know slightly dirty jokes):
A pirate walks into a doctor's office with a steering wheel attached to the front of his pants. The doctor says, "Wow I've never seen that before, does it hurt?". The pirate responds, "Argh! It's drivin' me nuts".
This joke has always been one of my favorites, I can't explain why. I have no excuses:
Did you hear what happened when the red ship ran into the blue ship?
The survivors were all marooned!
it just occured to me that staph bacteria look just like ccc caterpillars. patooie to the nth degree!
I know you've got like a gazillion responses already, but let me add my voice to chorus wishing you both well.
Best wishes for a speedy recovery. <3 <3 <3
I really enjoyed meeting Jen on Saturday, though I am sorry to hear that the stay in Dallas has been extended for all the wrong reasons. I hope you are both feeling better soon.
Many prayers for a speedy recovery! I've been sick, alone, in a hotel room. It totally sucks rocks.
Hopefully you've got the best doctors in Texas working on Jon. I bet you two have them in stitches. ;)
And now for something completely different...
Three drummers and a cymbalist fall of a cliff...
*ba-dum-bum-tshhh!*
So sorry that you're sick! And after reading today's post, I'm very worried about John. You have both brought a great deal of enjoyment and happiness to me and many, many people. Wish I could do something for you other than wishing you a speedy recovery and posting a bad joke.
But you want a joke? Here's a favorite:
A guy goes into a psychiatrist's office and starts running around in circles yelling, "I'm a wigwam! I'm a teepee! I'm a wigwam! I'm a teepee!"
The psychiatrist says, "Calm down, calm down! You're too tense"
(penny drops and . . . )
John and Jen-
So this polar bear goes into a bar. Bartender says What can I get you? The polar bear looks up and down the bar, back and forth, and back again, before he finally says, I'll take a Bud Light.
Sure, says the bartender, But why the long pause?
The polar bear holds up his paws. Don't know, he says, I've always had them.
[OK, sorry, I didn't have anything better.]
Get well soon!!
Jen
Sorry to hear you're so sick. Take care of yourselves. Here's a joke: Two snowmen in a field... one says to the other, "There it is AGAIN!" And the other says, "Huh? Oh, yeah. You're right! It DOES smell like carrots out here!"
Oh, man. I am so, so sorry that John is having such a rough time. I grew up in Dallas and most of my family still lives there - let me know if you're looking for places to eat/get coffee/whatever near the hospital, or other resources - I'd love to help in any way I can, especially since your stay in Dallas is looking to be much longer than expected. You can get me at omglawdork at gmail dot com.
I hope both of you recover quickly!!! and I hope you can reschedule the tour! (Bethesda) I just bought the book over the weekend and could not stop laughing.
Oh my. I hope both of you are well very soon!
See if you can get hulu @ the hospital. Watch Community. It's great!
First thing's first: Best wishes for a speedy recovery, John! I'll keep good thoughts for you...
As per request, a joke (of dubious funniness):
Why do gorillas have such big nostrils?
Because they have big fingers!
May the Good-Health Fairy visit soon and often!
-Liz, Jet City Cakes
Feel better John, and Jen - try to get some rest!! I'll be sending you prayers and happy thoughts.
... and a joke:
If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?
Pilgrams! :)
Feel better!!
I've got my coworkers and half my family addicted to Cake Wrecks! Here's hoping for a speedy recovery and many more carrot jockey posts. :)
I'm so sorry! I hope you're better soon! That sounds really scary... I appreciate all you do for this site.
Some get-well-soon jokes (lovingly borrowed from Reader's Digest):
------
Panicking when her two-year-old swallowed a tiny magnet, my friend Phyllis rushed him to the emergency room. "He'll be fine," the doctor promised her. "The magnet should pass through his system in a day or two."
"How will I be sure?" she pressed.
"Well," the doctor suggested, "you could stick him on the refrigerator. When he falls off, you'll know."
------
Our nephew was getting married to a doctor's daughter. At the wedding reception, the father of the bride stood to read his toast, which he had scribbled on a piece of scrap paper. Several times during his speech, he halted, overcome with what I assumed was a moment of deep emotion. But after a particularly long pause, he explained, "I'm sorry. I can't seem to make out what I've written down." Looking out into the audience, he asked, "Is there a pharmacist in the house?"
------
Last New Year's Eve found me in the hospital scheduled for an operation to remove hemorrhoids. So while others donned party hats and sipped champagne, I wore a hospital gown and swigged painkillers. That's not to say the holiday spirit was completely absent.
The next day, January 1, I woke up to a banner on my bedroom wall. It screamed "Happy New Rear!"
------
Ever wonder what medical personnel scribble on those clipboards attached to the foot of the bed? Here are some incredible comments taken from hospital charts:
"The patient refused autopsy."
"The patient has no previous history of suicides."
"She has had no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night."
"She is numb from her toes down."
"Patient has two teenage children but no other abnormalities."
"Discharge status: Alive but without my permission."
Joke for the day:
How much did the pirate pay for his earrings?
A bucaneer!
Mwahahahhahaha!
Ok, so there's the joke for John. I am wishing you both a speedy recovery and hoping you will be home soon!
Oh, no! Sending good thoughts and get well soon wishes to both of you.
-from Karen in Alameda, CA
Just remembered a joke for you -
"Knock, knock."
"Who's there?"
"Interrupting cow."
"Interrupting c-" "MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
What do you call the bouncer at a gay bar?
a flame thrower!
Please don't chuckle too hard and don't give a the nurses any grief :)
Please be well you two!!! let us know if you need anything
Pam P
My favourite joke:
A: Knock, knock.
B: Who's there?
A: Panther.
B: Panther who?
A: Panther no panth, I'm going thwimming!
Feel better :)
-deborah
Oh, crikey. Get well soon the both of yis. (I'm trying to type like I would say it- greetings from Northern Ireland btw) If you need cheering up (as I expect you do), I find some Monty Python works.
Love the blog.
*positive healing strength vibes going your way*
As for jokes I am not going through all 1113 ooops wait 1114 comments to see if it was already posted so I apologize if you are being tormented by this again... It was told to me by a friend and while terribly corny we giggled like mad.
How do you wake up Lady GaGa?
Pa Pa Pa Pa Poke her face :D
There were two brooms in a closet.
A female broom and a male broom.
One day, the male broom turned to the female broom and said "I think we should have a little whisk broom." To which she replied:
(wait for it)
"But honey, we haven't swept together!"
Har har har, I know ... but I hope the both of you start feeling better ... hospitals suck! Good luck and here's to things turning in your favor soon!
Oh my, how terrible for you both! Hoping you're both feeling well soon.
Oh my! Best wishes on a speedy recovery; the Wrecks can wait :)
John, Having been there and done that, please know that you have my absolute sympathy. I truly hope you recover swiftly.
Jen, I can't imagine what you're going through, trying to be there for John and being sick too. Please take care of yourself as well!
Your fans will be waiting when you get back. Much love from NC.
My 6yo son's fave joke:
Why did the cow cross the road? To get to the udder side :)
My fave joke:
Why do the Eskimos wash their clothes in Tide? It's too cold out-tide! :) Ahem.
You've been added to my daily prayers. Feel better soon. xo
Oh, and one more:
A guy goes to his doctor. "Doc, I keep dreaming about wigwams and tee pees. What does it mean?" Doc tells the guy: "You're too tense."
Say it out loud and you'll get the joke ;)
I hope you're both feeling better! Here are some cheesy jokes for John:
What did the mother strawberry say to the baby strawberry?
"Don't get caught in a jam!"
Why did the cucumber blush?
Because it saw the salad dressing!
A hydrogen nucleus walks into a bar, looking sad. The bartender asked what was wrong, and the hydrogen nucleus tells him that he's lost an electron. "Are you sure?" the bartender asked. "I'm positive!" the nucleus replied.
Okay, I'd never heard this joke before last night and my dad made me spit laughing!
A guy sees the neighbor kid digging a hole and says, "What's that for?"
"My goldfish died."
"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. That's quite a large hole for a goldfish, though, son."
"Well, he's inside your goddamn cat."
Praying for you guys! Get better.
OOOOO Praying for you guys! I really am praying that you are both healed and blessed!
Hey John: Why did the police officer step in dog poop?
Because he was on doodie.
BAHDAHBUMP!
Take care of yourselves; we need many more years of Wrecks!
Have you noticed the irony of having a "lose 3 pounds of belly fat a day by using this old tip" ad on your page?? (Well, you said to include jokes......)
Both of you get well soon!!!!!!!!!
I hope you feel better soon. So sorry both of you are sick!!
Dani
P.S. A backwards Texas?!?! WTH?!?!!
"A man went to see his doctor because he was suffering from a miserable cold. His doctor prescribed some pills, but they didn't help.On his next visit the doctor gave him a shot, but that didn't do any good.On his third visit the doctor told the man to go home and take a hot bath. As soon as he was finished bathing he was to throw open all the windows and stand in the draft."But doc," protested the patient, "if I do that, I'll get pneumonia.""I know," said his physician. "I can cure pneumonia."
Best wishes on a speedy recovery!
Hi Jen and John,
I hope you both are feeling better soon. It really is awful when you get sick away from home, and hopefully you both will be right as rain and back on your feet. Also, when you publish the Cake Wrecks sequel, and go on your World Tour Part Deux, please come to British Columbia, Canada!
This is my all-time favourite joke, it's a little risque.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side.
Why did the pervert cross the road?
He had his d*%k stuck in the chicken.
HAHAAHAHA, always makes me laugh!
We absolutely love your site and wish you both a very speedy recovery. If you need anything while you are here in Dallas, I'd be happy to help in any way I can.
My prayers are with you both.
Sadly, I have been in your shoes (stuck in a hospital in Japan and missed a trip to Australia). Hang in there and get well. Us non-baker-cake-buyer folks will be waiting for you to make a triumphant return. Your site brings SO much laughter to my home and we will enjoy seeing you at a later date.
I wish we could return the joy and laughter to you now.
Take care~get well!
Katya
Get well soon Wrecker and Wreckette!!! I hope you both have a speedy recovery... just don't push yourselves too hard, and ...stay away from plaid cakes for a while!
Much love and hugs from Pittsburgh, PA!
(captcha: Beaticn. That's what happens when an angry baker beats in the eggs... he beaticn them)
Get well soon!
You know, if you don't know what to do with your down time it'd be interesting to see the geographic distribution of your fans! (that is, if you have any energy left after fighting all those nasty bugs in your system)
I'm sitting over on the other side of the pond in Germany and most days I'm on your site shortly after 3:30 p.m. to see what new goodies are waiting for me.
Thanks so much for the fun distraction from a boring day of translating!
Jenny G.
So sorry you are ill. Get well soon, John. I'm only minutes away in Dallas if you need anything!
-Karen Davis
Love your site and your daily posts. Just getting caught up and found this post. Ack!! Hope John recovers soon and that y'all get home and resettled soon. Nothing worse than being sick away from home. Except maybe being REALLY sick away from home.
Here's the best joke I've heard lately (on the radio while I was in Utah a couple of weeks ago):
If you're an American when you go into the bathroom ...
And you're an American when you come out of the bathroom ...
What are you while you're IN the bathroom??
.
.
.
.
.
European ... get it?! Ur-a-pee-in!!
A friend later added: And in the kitchen? You're a russian.
LOL!
A shaggy dog story to take your mind off of things:
In ancient Greece, there lived a man named "Bentos" who was a much beloved figure and a favourite with the gods. One day the gods decided to grant him eternal life with the sole condition that he could never shave; if he did shave, he would be immediately turned to ash and placed in an urn. Bentos accepted the condition and carried out his life through the centuries bringing wisdom and joy to everyone he met.
By the twentieth century, he went by the name of "Benny" and his life in ancient Greece seemed but a distant memory. It was then that he met, and fell in love with, a beautiful woman. On the eve of their wedding, his fiancee asked him for a favour. "Benny," she said," if it's not too much to ask, I would appreciate it if you would shave your beard for the wedding. You would look so handsome clean-shaven." Deeply in love with his fiancee and unable to deny her anything, Benny gladly shaved his beard. Instantly, the ancient gods saw that he had broken their condition and in a flash they smote him down, turned him to ash and placed him in an urn.
The moral of this story?
A Benny shaved is a Benny urned.
Get better soon!
Tara Stephens
Better late than never - sending good wishes to the both of you and hoping like hell you feel better soon.
Oh I do hope you feel better soon, Jen and especially John. You're great people who don't deserve sad things like sickness! And now, for jokes. (Apologies if these have been posted before!)
Are you interested in making $$$$ fast? Here's an incredibly simple way to do it, and there is nothing to buy, no investment to make, no money to lose! Try it now!
Follow this simple procedure:
1. Hold down the shift key.
2. Hit the 4 key four times.
________________________________
This truck driver hauling a tractor-trailer load of computers stops for a beer. As he approaches the bar he sees a big sign on the door saying: "Nerds Not Allowed -- Enter at Your Own Risk!" He goes in and sits down. The bartender comes over to him, sniffs, says he smells kind of nerdy, asks him what he does for a living. The truck driver says he drives a truck, and the smell is just from the computers he is hauling. The bartender says OK, truck drivers are not nerds, and serves him a beer.
As he is sipping his beer, a skinny guy walks in with tape around his glasses, a pocket protector with twelve kinds of pens and pencils, and a belt at least a foot too long. The bartender, without saying a word, pulls out a shotgun and blows the guy away. The truck driver asks him why he did that. The bartender said not to worry, the nerds are overpopulating the Silicon Valley, and are in season now. You don't even need a license, he said. So the truck driver finishes his beer, gets back in his truck, and heads back onto the freeway. Suddenly he veers to avoid an accident, and the load shifts. The back door breaks open and computers spill out all over the freeway. He jumps out and sees a crowd already forming, grabbing up the computers. They are all engineers, accountants and programmers wearing the nerdiest clothes he has ever seen. He can't let them steal his whole load. So remembering what happened in the bar, he pulls out his gun and starts blasting away, felling several of them instantly. A highway patrol officer comes zooming up and jumps out of the car screaming at him to stop. The truck driver said, "What's wrong? I thought nerds were in season." "Well, sure," said the patrolman, "But you can't bait 'em."
Hi John & Jen,
That stinks that you're sick! You'll be in my thoughts & I hope you both get feeling better soon.
On the upside, this experience can only enhance your blog, as hospital food is it's own category of wreckiness! Do they ever serve cake? That would be something to document :)
Erin
We just wanted a way to keep you guys in Dallas a little longer.
Seriously though, get better.
I guess everyone was just having too much fun and the universe couldn't sustain it for the duration of the tour. It had no choice but to take drastic action by intervening with something that is completely NOT fun!
Take care, rest up and recover! Healthy thoughts winging your way.
(On a brighter note, my book just arrived in the mail!!)
Hey you guys. I'm so sorry you're having to go through this. My thoughts are with you.
I haven't seen too many jokes in the posts lately, like you asked for, so here are a couple of silly one-liner puns to make you roll your eyes:
Two peanuts walk into a bar. One was asalted.
I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.
Get well soon!
man, wish i had checked the site yesterday so i could have started praying for you guys sooner. best wishes for a speedy recovery for you both!
Yikes! I hope you guys start feeling better. Wishing you all the best.
This is an old one...
And advisor came to George Bush when he was in office and said,"Mr. President...I have some bad news about the war...we had some casualties." The President looks up from his desk and asks "How many and who were they?" The advisor replies, "We lost four Brazilians" The President hangs his head and mutters,"Oh that is terrible terrible..." He looks up and asks his advisor..."How many zero's are in a Brazilian?"
Hi Jen and John! Hope you are both feeling better soon. I must say I admire your gung-ho spirit in wrecking the tour...in that respect, HOLLA!
Here is a joke to hopefully make you smile...
Why did the Jelly Roll?
Because it saw an Apple Turnover
Okay...it's not a cake joke, but darn close (if you squint really hard and tilt your head slightly to the right)
:)
GET WELL SOON!!!
How terrible! Best wishes and I hope you are better soon, John. I'll pray for you both!
To make you feel better, the first adult joke I ever learned.
What bird symbolizes America?
.
.
.
.
.
.
That's right, the Bald Eagle!
Now, what bird symbolizes Thanksgiving?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
The turkey!
Now, what bird symbolizes love? (Hint, it rhymes with love.)
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
You got it! The dove :)
Now, what bird symbolizes True Love?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
The swallow!
Now just picture an 11 year old girl in pig tails telling you that, and you've got Thanksgiving '91 a la the Malys.
Scary and I am sorry you are both so sick...no jokes for you, just lots of sincere prayers for complete recovery and health ! LOL
Poor Jen and John! I hope both of you feel better, in body and spirit, as soon as possible!
The only joke I can think of to tell is pretty inappropriate, and I don't want to offend anyone. But for what it's worth, it's a funny one!
I hope you are feeling well soon. You bring a lot of enjoyment to a lot of people, and we're all sending you our well wishes.
A horse walks into a bar, and the bartenders says, hey, why the long face? Sorry about that - its all I got on short notice.
Get well, guys.
Hugs to you both, and get well soon. Have you warned the hospital that there may be a lot of strangers sending you cakes? Scary cakes?
-Ann
John & Jen...our prayers are with you. Even if the book tour doesn't happen, you are still making people double over with the blog and the book, so all is well. I don't have any funny jokes, but I just got my book Friday and while my hubby and child were gone, I devoured it and laughed my hiney off. Thanks for the laughs and GET BETTER!
My fiance and I are hoping for a speedy recovery! Our thoughts are with you!!!
I hope John gets better soon. I will be thinking of you both.
I'm away from Google Reader for three days and this is what happens to my favorite bloggers? John, I hope you are out of the ICU and heading home soon and Jen, I hope you're feeling better soon so you can help out your hubby! I also want to let you guys know that your book has had my family doubled over in laughter while we're going through ICU trauma of our own. So all that good karma should be helping you out now!!! (who knew making snarky comments about cakes would actually be filed under "good karma?") Get well & get home soon!!!
Get well soon! The ICU is no fun.
Oh noes! Get better soon!
There is this tray of muffins in the oven. One muffin turns to the other and says "Man, it is HOT in here" and the other one says "Holy Shit a talking muffin!"
sorry, it's an old one but it makes me laugh every time!
Here's another joke: How many dull people does it take to screw in a light bulb? ... One.
Feel better! No, wait ... _get_ better. Then the feel better part should follow.
-Nils
*thinks one word, with everyone around the world*
DOCTOR! ; )
Seriously, get well soon--BOTH of you!
Oy Vey! I hope you two are doing ok and I'm looking forward to the "Dallas" story as told by the cake!
Staph in the blood is very serious stuff. I am sending you all the good ju-ju I can muster and I sincerely hope John does not have to stay in the "care" of a hospital for very long. SPEEDY RECOVERY already!
~a fan
So sorry to hear that both of you are sick. Hope better health is coming your way soon.
Here's a joke for you:
What did zero say to eight?
Nice belt.
Oh gosh, I'm so sorry to hear about John in the ICU, and with Jen not feeling up to snuff, either! I wish I could tell you a good joke, but the only one I've ever been able to remember is so bad I would never inflict that upon you in your condition. So, how about a riddle?
Q: Why did the baker put her cake in the freezer?
A: Because she wanted icing on it! (Talk about a wreck!)
Warm wishes from Boston.
sorry to hear you two are ill :(
this blog makes my day every time I read it. Feel lots better!
I'm really sorry to hear you're both ill, and I hope John recovers from his staph infection quickly! That's gotta be scary for you both.
Here's another website to keep you both entertained, not sure if you know of this one: http://emailsfromcrazypeople.com/
Well I hope the Dallas hospitals are at least being hospitable! =D You at Parkland? They are known for being the best hospital in the area for gunshots!
I wish I could of done the book tour stop in Dallas but I am getting over my own crud as well... so I feel better that it wasn't ME that gave it to you guys! Take care and wishing you both a very speedy recovery!
Your neighbor in Arlington,
Stephanie
PS- If you get real bored I could bring season 1 of FOTC over! =)
Boy, just having one illness isn't enough for you guys, huh? No good deed (your blog and book) goes unpunished... I hope that John is out of the ICU very soon and that you're both feeling better ASAP.
OMGosh! That is horrible!!! So sorry to hear you both have gotten sick. Take care of yourselves. Everyone will be waiting when you are all better. :-)
Get well soon, Jen and John! I wish you both a fantastically speedy recovery!
Lots O' love from Seattle!
What no monkey jokes? NO MONK JOKES? Here is one of each (the first ont's a tad maccabre, but the second is my favorite):
Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
- He was dead.
Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree?
- He was stapled to the first monkey.
Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree?
- Because everybody else was doin' it!
Three monks in a monastery have taken a vow of silence. One monk is allowed to speak, once, each year (they take turns). The first year, at breakfast, the first monk speaks and says "I hate oatmeal." A year leater, again at breakfast, the second monk speaks and says "I love oatmeal." Finally, one year later, the last monk gets to speak and HE says "I'm so tired of this constant bickering about oatmeal!" (special thanks to Ryan North and Chris Hastings)
I was going to tell the muffin joke, but others beat me to it. It would have been better as cupcakes, guys!
FEEL BETTER, J&J! It was great meeting you last week in San Francisco!
-Cory & Cora
You two are amazing. Please, for the love of cake and all things cakey, get well soon, John!
Oh, guys, I'm so sorry to hear of your troubles. Worse yet, I have no funny jokes. But if you're into horror/humor be sure to click to peopleofwalmart.com.
Best wishes for a speedy recovery!
Oh gosh, I'm so sorry to hear about your illnesses. I'm thinking positive thoughts for you both, and will dedicate the paper I have to write (which I meant to procrastinate on by laughing over your site) towards improved health for you both.
-Kristin
That is horrible!! Jen and John, both of you get better soon! Being sick is no fun at all, especially away from home. I caught a stomach flu when I visited my inlaws in Missouri. Not fun.
In the mean time, here's a bad joke that I love, just for John.
One day, a man had a birthday. As a gift, his loving wife presented him with a Thermos.
"What is this?" the husband asked, having never seen a Thermos before.
"A Thermos," replied his wife. "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold."
"Neat," said the man. "Thank you."
So the next day, he takes his Thermos to work with him. All his coworkers look at it and ask, "What is that?"
"A Thermos," replied the man. "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold!"
"So what do you have in there?" one coworker asks.
The man answers, "Three cups of coffee and a popcicle!"
Get well soon guys!!
We have some great hospitals here is Big D. If y'all need ANYTHING, please don't hesitate to send out the word and I'm sure all us wreckporters in Dallas will do what we can to help!
Genie in Dallas.
I hope you are both much better soon! Eat lots of cake. :) My joke: What's brown and sticky? A stick!
I'm so very sorry to hear that you're both sick, and concerned for John. Get well soon!
Cowboy jokes!
An old cowboy sat down at the bar and ordered a drink. As he sat sipping his drink, a young woman sat down next to him. She turned to the cowboy and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?"
He replied, "Well, I've spent my whole life breaking colts, working cows, going to rodeos, fixing fences, pulling calves, bailing hay, doctoring calves, cleaning my barn, fixing flats, working on tractors, and feeding my dogs, so, yes, I guess I am a cowboy."
She said, "I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about women. When I shower, I think about women. When I watch TV, I think about women. I even think about women when I eat. It seems that everything makes me think of women."
The two sat sipping in silence.
A little while later, a man sat down on the other side of the old cowboy and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?"
He replied, "I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian."
* * * * *
When Mary's husband died at the age of 30, she found herself all alone and responsible for running a large ranch in Montana. She realized soon that she would have to find another good ranch hand who take on this responsibility. She held interviews and decided on Jim, a soft-spoken man who even looked like a cowboy should look. Mary soon realized that she had made the right choice. Jim took charge and the ranch was running smoothly in no time. Mary grew very fond of soft-spoken Jim and one day she approached him and said, "Here is some money. Go on into town and live it up a little." Jim tipped his hat to her and smiled.
Jim came home to find Mary sitting on the porch next to a single candle, sipping on a glass of red wine. Mary stood up and walked over to Jim and looked him in the eyes. "Take off my blouse" she whispered. "Undo my skirt and take it off." "And now my bra and panties." And there they stood in the flickering candlelight.
And then Mary said, "If I ever catch you wearing my clothes again, I'll fire your ass."
Hey John! I am a cake wreck lurker, and this is my first post so sorry to hear you're sick. Please get well.
Here is a bad joke for ya...
Corned Beef sandwich walks into a bar and asks for a beer.
Bartender says, "sorry we don't serve sandwiches".
Hahahahah.
Get well
Seriously praying for you, John and Jen. You are well-loved.
My thoughts are with both of you - get well soon! Hope that nasty staph is under control PRONTO!
my attempt at a joke
a mother and her young son boarded an airplane, and looking out the airplane window, the little boy had a thought. "Mommy, why is it that big horses have little horses, and bit cows have little cows, but big airplanes don't have little airplanes?". Mom was a bit flustered by the question, and not quite ready to discuss the birds and the bees with her son so she sent him up to talk to the pilot.
"Mr Pilot, why is it that big horses have little horses, and bit cows have little cows, but big airplanes don't have little airplanes?". The pilot thought about the child's question for a minute and then replied, "Well son, it's simple, We always pull out on time."
I'm so sorry to hear this for you both - what a real wreck! Best wishes.
Good heavens, I'm so sorry to hear this. I'm sorry for the illness and trouble, but how fortunate you are to have so many people rooting for you.
Joke, eh? Here's one of my faves.
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal, they lay down for the night and went to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend. Holmes said: "Watson, look up and tell me what you see".
Watson said: "I see a fantastic panorama of countless stars".
Holmes: "And what does that tell you?"
Watson pondered for a moment: "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow."
"Why? - What does it tell you, Holmes?"
Holmes was silent for a moment then spoke: "Someone has stolen our tent."
John! Hey John! John!
If you're an American when you walk into a bathroom, and you're an American when you walk out of a bathroom, what are you while you're IN the bathroom?
European.
Ha! Get it? You're-a-peein'! Well, my nephew thought it was funny...
Hope you are both feeling better!
Sending my best get well thoughts to you!! Cake Wrecks has kept my spirit up through a patch of being sick myself. Thank you so much for that. Wishing you well from sunny California.
Just chiming in to add to the wisdom of the masses. We all love Cake Wrecks and all the laughter Jen and John bring, so get better soon!
My prayers are with you guys! xoxo
What did the snail say when he was riding on the turtle? Wheee! I don't know a rain dance but will do the mop-kitchen floor-with-damp rag and sneakered foot- dance while sending get well wishes. The Gods are sure to take notice.
I hope both of you feel better soon!
Being sick is the bad beats. Feel better soon!
Jokes:
What do you call cheese that doesn't belong to you?
Nacho cheese.
What happens when a brown chicken and a brown cow are alone together in a dark room?
Brown Chicken Brown Cow
(Bomp chicka wow wow....)
I wish you both a fast and uneventful recovery!
So, a priest, a minister, and a rabbi walk into a bar. The bartender says, "What is this? Some kind of joke?"
GET BETTER!
I adore this blog, read it daily. I hope you're both dosed up to your wrecky eyeballs and get really well, really soon.
A joke:
An inflatable boy named Tim takes a pin to his inflatable school. He is found out and gets in massive trouble. His principal says, 'Tim, I am so disappointed in you. You've let me down, you've let yourself down, you've let down the entire school...'
Best wishes from Australia
Emma
Hope you two are better soon! Here's my favorite joke:
Q: What's Irish and stays out all night?
A: Patio Furniture!
(it's a joke that's better heard than read.)
<3, an Austin fan
I hope you both get well soon! :)
Oh it's such a shame for both of you that you've got lurgies. :( I wish you both a speedy recovery. Your blog always makes me laugh amd it's really sad that you're having a bad time. :(
I definitely know how miserable it is to be sick far away from home. I did a study abroad trip in Europe for six weeks a couple of summers ago, and in the middle of one of our small group free travel weekends, I got some nasty bug. Try walking around Amsterdam in the middle of summer with a fever and aching stomach while the rest of your group is all anxious to see as much of Amsterdam as possible! Trust me, not as easy as it sounds. In the end I had to let my group go do their thing (because I was only slowing them up) and just sit in a park all by myself for the rest of the day (oh yeah, did I mention our hostel was in another town so I couldn't go back and lie down until that night?). It was a beautiful park, but still. It sucks when you're sick and traveling, because traveling involves, y' know, MOVEMENT. And when you feel like a dead slug, movement is pretty much out of the question.
Still, I'm glad you guys were able to make it to Powell's, but I hope you get to reschedule your tour dates eventually so everyone gets to behold your awesomeness. :P
But yeah. Health first. Then awesomeness.
OH HEY. And here's a stupid joke. So. Some wreckporters are eating a wrecky clown cake, and one of them says to the other, "Hey, does this taste funny to you?"
...Well, I said it was stupid. But seriously, did you hear about the crematorium that gives discounts to burn victims?
Wow, this comment is way too long. kthxbai
Get well soon! Damn the germs to the seventh circle of cake wreck hell!!!
rach