Hi all,
Unfortunately, disaster has struck our CW "World" Tour: John is currently in the ICU in a Dallas hospital with pneumonia, and now I've been hit with the sick stick as well. I had hoped to make it to the Austin show today by hopping a flight out this morning, but, well, let's just say my "gut instinct" is to stay near the "porcelain throne." Heh. (Ug.)
I cannot tell you how heart sick I am over this.
As it stands right now, we are canceling the Austin and Kansas City tour stops. Depending on how John and I are doing, we may still be able to make it to Bethesda and/or New York City, but it's too soon to say. Stay tuned to my Twitter feed for all the gory details, and I'll also update here on the blog when I know more.
Thank you all for your well-wishes, and please know that I am so truly sorry. (Especially for the bakers - guys, I promise I will make this up to you somehow.) A re-scheduling is not completely out of the question, but we'll just have to see what happens.
In the meantime, prayers, warm wishes, good thoughts, rain dances, etc., are all very much appreciated. It really stinks to be sick and alone away from home.
UPDATE: More bad news: in addition to the pneumonia, John has developed a staph infection in his blood. He's in critical condition, and so won't be leaving the ICU - much less the hospital - for many days. I'm moving to a hotel closer to the hospital so I can be with him, and I'm afraid this means that the rest of the tour is off. :(
Thank you all again for being so wonderful. Believe it or not, John is still moderating your comments from his hotel bed (talk about an addiction...), so please comment here if you'd like to say hello to him. Better yet: tell him your best joke. He's bored, and needs the laughs right now.
(Hey all! Anne-Marie here! Don't worry, I'm robust and healthy up here in Maine, publishing your comments like crazy! 334 as of a minute ago! John, Jen and all their little viral buddies are loving all the jokes and well wishes. Thanks so much!)
Sunday, October 4, 2009
Tour Wreck - UPDATE
Sunday, October 4, 2009
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Wreck the Halls
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What's a Wreck?
What's a Wreck?
A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.
Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)
- Jen
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Praise for the Book
- “Will have you laughing so hard you’ll forget to eat!”— Washington Post
- “a hilarious winner” — The Oregonian
- “a fantastically gut-busting book”— NPR
- “It’s all here, each wreck a disaster of hilarity.” — BookPage.com
- “Hysterically funny!”— Epinions.com
- “laugh-out-loud funny”— The Times
- “Yates’ sharp humor makes the funny even funnier.” — The Dallas Morning News
- “an amazing laugh-out-loud book”— The Book Triblog
What the fans are saying
- "I was laughing so hard, I couldn't catch my breath."
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Awards
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- There's a Fly on My Cake!
- When Wreckerators Take the Fall
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- "World" "Domination" Tour Back on Track!
- Bride/Baker Communication 101
- Oh, It Sends a Message Alright
- Sideshow Slideshow
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- "World" Tour Wrap-Up: Austin
- Oh What a Difference a Letter Can Bake
- Teasers for the Coming Seasons
- Erring on the Side of Caution...Is Still Erring
- Do These Drumsticks Taste Funny to You?
- Sunday Sweets: Steampunk
- Happy National Cake Decorating Day!
- Putting Their Best Feet Forward
- "World" Tour, Take #2!
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- The Day the Tour Stood Still
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- "So Funny" In Bold, with Exclamation Mark
- A Long Shot
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«Oldest ‹Older 401 – 600 of 1225 Newer› Newest»:hug
Thinking of you both. Hope John has a speedy and complete recovery!!
John I hope you get to feeling better soon. I feel bad for all the people that will miss out on meeting you two at this time but mostly I feel bad that your "vacation" has been so horribly interupted.
Oh my gosh, I can't believe this. I only missed a couple of days! Jon, get well and get out of that hospital!!! Jen, get well!!! I'll pray for you both.
-Julie
Best wishes for both of you.
What do you call cheese that isn't yours?
Nacho cheese.
Why don't Buddhists vacuum under the couch?
No attachments.
What did the Buddhist say to the hot dog vendor?
Make me one with everything.
Abby in Bethesda
Oh guys, so sorry! At least you won't get any cake wrecks in the hospital... maybe you will have new ideas on hospital food try "wreplicas" for cakes!!
thought this was fitting with the whole plane and camera on a get well soon cake and such:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/cakemafia/3056399746/
Hey guys,
Long time lurker, first time poster. I love your site & your hilarious commentary.
I'm so sorry to hear you're both sick! I'll take a shot to your speedy recovery! :)
Joke:
How can you tell when your grass is emo?
A: It cuts itself.
I hope you both feel better soon!
Q: What did the Hidden Valley Ranch say to the refrigerator???
A: Shut the door, I'm dressing!!!
Jen, the last thing you need to worry about is us. Get well soon (both of you!) and give John an extra hug from all of us.
So sorry to hear that you're both ill! Best wishes for a very speedy recovery!
Jessica in Austin
How do you make a tissue dance?
You put a little boogie in it!
Please get better soon- thinking of you both...
Get well soon!!
Feel better REALLY soon!
I'm so sorry! Both for you guys and for the Wreck fans who don't get to see you in person...I was at the Dallas (Plano) stop and, Jen, you were just wonderful--even with your worries about John and your technical difficulties. (Then, I drove out of town to meet husband and friends at a resort in West Texas and my car broke down, badly, on a remote country road ... there's something bad in the air.)
I wish you both speedy recovery!
Serious lurker here, but I had to send you some get-well vibes! Nothing is worse than being ill away from home!
Take care!
Oh, God. How on earth did he develop staph in his BLOOD? I wasn't aware you could do that.
Intensive Care Units are awful, I'm so sorry. I really hope you guys feel better as soon as possible, because we're all worried about you. (We meaning my family, we all watch CW, so..)
~ Ivey
So sorry that both of you are so sick! Luckily, I know the hospitals in the Frisco/Plano/Dallas area are fabulous, and I'm sure they're taking great care of John! Feel free to contact me if you need anything while you're stuck in town!
Hi, John. I'm really lame and don't know any jokes.
But, I am prayin' for ya (and Jen). That counts for somethin'. Right?
Get Well Soon, both of you!
Joke: What kind of tree fits in your hand? A PALM tree!
Picture my 4 year old giggling like crazy.
So sorry to hear about your illnesses! Must be doubly awful to be stuck in a strange place. We missed you here in Austin, although the weather turned out to be really crappy.
I have to say, I am really proud of the wreck tribute that is still sitting in my fridge. Any chance y'all would consider a photo contest for those of us who missed out on the end of the tour?
Get well soon! :)
My prayers are with you. Don't worry about the tour, your health comes first. Get well soon!
Hospitals suck. Everything's white, you run the risk of getting French Toast mashed like mashed potatoes, nurses wake you up at random times.
I'd give you two a joke, but I'd suck at it, angst is more my writing style, so here's a hug one of the quilts my mom made for me, it's nice and comfy, but the theme's Hello Kitty...Sorry, John!
Jen and John:
I'm enjoying the book muchly, it's brightening up my flu-filled day. Here's hoping you're both feeling well enough to travel home soon. Being sick's no fun. Being sick far from home and family is worse yet.
Bright blessings and healing energy to you both
Cheron
Wow 411 comments already! I'll be lucky if mine is even read. XD
I just want to say I hope you guys feel better and don't worry!
When I was 13 I had Staph and thanks to daily IV injections every day for a week it went away no problem :)
I know there's probably more to it since he's already sick but you guys are in my prayers <3
Get well, Jen and John, so sorry to hear we will be missing you in Kansas City!
That sounds serious! Sending get well vibes from Virginia.
Pastor's Business Card
A new pastor was visiting the homes of his parishioners. At one house it seemed obvious that someone was at home, but no answer came to his repeated knocks at the door.
Therefore, he took out a business card and wrote "Revelation 3:20"
on the back of it and stuck it in the door.
When the offering was processed the following Sunday, he found that his card had been returned. Added to it was this cryptic message, "Genesis 3:10."
Reaching for his Bible to check out the citation, he broke up in gales of laughter.. Revelation 3:20 begins "Behold, I stand at the door and knock." Genesis 3:10 reads, "I heard your voice in the garden and I was afraid for I was naked."
Q: Do pnemonia patients take a long time to recover?
A: Yes, it takes a lung, lung time!
Hope it doesn't really.
All the best for a swift recovery for both of you. Love this blog!
Get better soon! Ugh. In the meantime, my two favorite jokes ever. Sorry if they are repeats, but I just was too lazy to wade through 400+ comments to see if they had already been shared.
A skeleton walks into a bar. He orders a pitcher of beer and a mop.
Two goldfish are in a tank. One turns to the other and says, "You man the cannon, I'll steer."
Admittedly, I'm a little warped. But it's all good.
Acknowledging that I have been a vegetarian for 16 years, I send you one of my favorite dumb jokes to wish you well.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
What's green, has quills and can fly?
A cucumber, a hedgehog and a bird.
Get well soon!
Best wishes all the way from Austria,
Jutta
Get well soon! It was awesome seeing you in Seattle, and I'm sure the rest of the country will get over their jealousy... eventually. ;) Seriously, rest up and take care of each other!
Joke, joke... Okay, I haven't read all the comments yet, so I hope I'm not repeating, but here goes:
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Interrupting cow.
Interrupti--
MOOOO!!!
PS: Wreck fans, this can't be cheap for our fearless leaders... Time to buy a few (dozen) extra copies of the book for everyone you know, maybe?
Oh no! Get well soon you two, and I hope you can make Bethesda one day. Here's my joke:
A grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey, we have a drink named after you!" The grasshopper says, "You have a drink named Steve?"
I said it was *a* joke, not a *good* joke. Hope it made you at least smile.
Oh no!! I am so sorry to hear that John is sick. I really hope that he gets better soon.
Here is a dorky science joke to keep your spirits up:
Two atoms were walking down the street when one of them said, "Whoa, hold up, I think I lost an electron!"
"Are you sure," asked the second atom.
"I'm positive!"
And a pirate joke!
A pirate walks into a bar. All of the other patrons are kind of surprised to notice that he has a steering wheel on the front of his pants. Everyone tries to avoid the subject until the bartender finally builds up the courage to ask him if he knows that there is a steering wheel on his crotch. The pirate replies, "Yar, I know! It's drivin' me nuts!"
I love this blog and you guys so much--I've lurked up until now, but I really hope that you guys get better soon, and that bears saying.
p.s. get out of the hospital. >_> they breed staph and mrsa--you're better off at home with home health care. as a future member of the united states medical field, believe me on this.
Hi John~
Lots of love, and what are you doing reading this? Get some rest! Go, shoo! The comments can wait <3.
...Still here? Fine. Well, just know that your tour matters not one jot compared to your health! There can always be more tours, but only one you.
I'd offer to get you some soup, but I imagine it would be cold by the time it got there. Or worse. I'm sure the hospital has some though.
So, a good joke...Hmm. Okay.
Q: What's big, green, fuzzy, has four legs, and if it fell out of a tree it would kill you?
A: A pool table.
Don't worry about the tour, just get well! Sending my healthy vibes your way!
Renee in Seattle
Hugs to you both. I hope you both recover quickly. You are in our prayers.
my best joke for john:
A pirate walks into a bar.
Bartender notices the pirate is walking a little funny.
He says, "is that a steering wheel stuck in your pants?"
The pirate says, "Aye, it be driving me nuts!"
Hope you guys feel better soon!
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
FSH.
HHHAAAA HAHAHA
Hope you get better, I had pneumonia a couple months ago (while 35 weeks pg too, yuk!) and I clearly remember how miserable it was. Can't imagine what you're feeling with everything else and being away form home. Praying for you!!
Another one;
Two muffins are sitting in an oven, baking, and one muffin turns to the other and says, "Whew, it sure is getting HOT in here!" And the other muffin says, "AAHHH!!!! TALKING MUFFIN!!!"
I hope you both feel better. Take it easy!
Prayers and good thoughts to you both! Get well soon and don't worry about the tour. We understand.
For John,
A duck walks into a supermarket, waddles up to the manager and asks, "Got any duck food?". The manager, who knows how indiscriminately ducks poop, says, "No, we don't have any duck food. Now get out of my store, you dirty little foul."
The next day, here comes the duck again, comes through the automatic door, waddles right up to the manager and asks, "Got any duck food?". The manager is really angry this time. "No, we don't have any duck food! If you come back tomorrow and ask me that again, I'm gonna... I'm gonna ... nail your little webbed feet to the floor!" The duck waddles back out. The next day, the manager can't believe his eyes as the duck comes waddling up to him, a gleam in his black beady eyes.
The duck asks, "Got any nails?"
"Huh?" says the manager, surprised. "Uh..no we don't have any nails."
"Got any duck food?"
From Helmi (who depends on your site for a laugh every day)
Please get well soon! I'm so sorry to hear you are both sick!
Wishing you a quick recovery Jon! Here is my favorite current joke:
Do you have holes in your underwear? (no!)
Then how do you put your legs through?!
LOL LOL LOL. Try it on the nurses!!
Oh My Gosh - both of you do what the doctors say. Hang in there (like you could do anything else right now right)
Many healing thoughts going out for both of you....and I would say don't worry about the tour - the important thing is you get better ...
soooo, a joke...
How you know you've had too much coffee:
You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using the timer.
You're so wired, you pick up AM radio.
Your taste buds are so numb; you could drink your lava lamp.
You introduce your spouse as your coffee mate.
and finally:
You know you've had too much coffee when the nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse.
Hope you get to feeling better soon...both of you :)
WV: weasests - the sound John is making instead of laughing at all these "great" jokes!
Best wishes to both of you.
Get well soon.
Sending healing thoughts.
Do what you need to, in order to get well. The tour can wait.
I'm so sorry to hear about your illness! At this point I can see you have 411 comments! That sure is a lot of fans! They're all wishing you well and telling you not to worry about people being upset by the tour cancellation....and I'm with them. Your blog brings a lot of laughter into people's lives, and like you said, it's a big job posting these wrecks every day. You both need a break! It's too bad that it had to happen this way, but make sure to get all the rest you need and recover.
Now you know how rock stars must feel!!! Of course, they have private jets and all that....but anyway...rest and recover and don't worry about your fans. We'll live without cake wrecks for a while!
You're both in my thoughts. I wish you both a speedy and uneventful recovery!
So sorry to hear y'all are both ill. I don't have any jokes, but I do have a word of advice from Dilbert: when you find a big kettle of crazy, it's best not to stir it. Kind of a propos nothing, but it makes me smile.
Recover fast!
Robin
Feel better soon!
Sarah M. Anderson
Best wishes to you both! Get healthy and strong and keep up the good work!
Hoping you guys feel better soon!
I am so sorry to hear about your illnesses, poor things. Wishing you a speedy recovery. Y'all might appreciate I am currently playing star wars monopoly with the kids, and last night wrote a post and review of your awesomely awesome book, complete with my very own star wars cake wreck.
From my son...
Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead.
Why did the other monkey fall out of the tree? It was attached to the first monkey.
Sending more prayers and rain dances your way (to the both of you!)
As well as a few nerdy jokes.:)
The engineer's two cats are on a sloped tin roof. Which one falls off first?
The one with the lowest MU!
---
Q: What do you get if you divide the circumference of a jack-o-lantern by its diameter?
A: Pumpkin pi.
Oh dear! I hope that John will be on the mend very soon and that you both can go home to recuperate. We'll be thinking of you and sending good thoughts!
Stephanie
A buddy and I didn't check our email today, so neither of us knew about the emergency until we got to Book People. We purchased your book anyway in the hope that you'll visit Austin some time after the two of you feel better - may it be soon... the feeling better part. Although you can visit us soon as well.
I'd tell you a joke at this point, but my timing is so bad that I can screw it up eve when writing it down.
OMG! get well soon!!! <33
OK. Two drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff. Ba Dum Ching!
Get better or the jokes get worse.
A Fan
John and Jen - Know you are being prayed for from up here in Minnesota. How scarey - for both of you- to be so sick and far away from family and friends back home. May you get well very quickly!
I wish we lived closer, 'cause we would adopt you until you got better, but alas, Minnesota is a bit of a long drive from Dallas.
So did you hear the one about the carrot who got in a car wreck? The good news is that the carrot lived. The bad news is that it was a vegetable for the rest of its life.
Please get well soon, both of you. Thoughts and prayers headed your way.
Word verification is "ingness" which is about what you're going through right now, I think.
Get well soon John!
Oh Jen! I'm so sorry! :( Hope John gets better soon! Tell him this is from eating too much wreckage!!!
Jen and John - My thoughts are with you and praying for a speedy recovery. John, don't work too hard from that hospital bed!!
~Katrina in Seattle
Oh no!!!! Get well soon. My recommendation is David Sedaris for big time laughs.
I have been a lurker, but I am sorry. I will be praying for a quick recovery.
Teresa
Oh, wow! I hope both of you will be very well very soon.
Oh, and I don't know any jokes, but I hear there's this really funny website called Cake Wrecks...
Much much love and healing wishes to you guys!!
Tons of nasty bugs and sicknesses going around...get better you two!
Two peanuts were walking down the street and one was assaulted. (get it? a salted?? HA!)
Well now I don't feel so bad about not being able to go to the Bethesda one.
You guys both feel better! Maybe you can tempt the swine flu out of your bodies with bacon, and...well I don't have any not-so-clever suggestions about the staph infection. only bad pun,s which I will spare you. After all, isn't being in the hospital bad enough?
That is amazingly sucky.
Why did the squirrel fall out of the tree?
Because he had no legs.
AHAHAHAHAHaha...ha? No?
Dang.
Hi John and Jen,
Sorry to hear that the book tour has made and unexpected stop! Hope you're both feeling better soon. So, a joke, huh? Okay, here you go...
A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named ''Amal.'' The other goes to a family inSpain; they name him ''Juan.'' Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his mom. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds, ''But they are twins-if you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal.''
Dang...I hope you both get well soon! In the meantime, here are some jokes to (hopefully) brighten your day!
What's a pirate's favorite animal?
An aarrrdvark!
What's a pirate's favorite state?
Arrrrrkansas! (Or, when people guess Arrrrrrkansas, reply with "Drunk!")
From Reader's Digest:
In the lobby of an apartment building, a sign went up, saying: To whoever is watering these plants, please stop. They are the property of the building, and our maintenance staff will take care of them. They may have already been watered, in which case you will be oeverwatering them. Besides, these plants are fake."
I have no respect for gangs today. They just drive by and shoot people. At least in the old days, like in West Side Story, the gangs used to dance with each other first.
When Donsa received a promotion, the boss decided to get her a cake.
"Two questions," the baker said. "Is Donsa a man or a woman? And what do you want the cake to say?"
The boss replied with: "The cake should read 'Congratulations!' Oh, and Donsa's a woman."
The cake arrived, reading: "Congratulations--Donsa's a woman."
Charles Dickens walks into a bar and orders a martini. The bartender asks, "Olive or twist?"
So sorry you're sick! Hope you both feel better soon. You'll be in our thoughts and prayers.
Oh my! Wishing you both a darn fast recovery. That stinks!
And I know I'm just a potentially weird and creepy internet stranger (I'm not, promise.) but I live in Dallas and would be happy to help you or get you whatever you need, especially if you're stranded in a strange town with no one you know nearby. Seriously. You need a CCC? I'll bring it over STAT. :-) Or anything else you need.
Y'all are in my thoughts.
Blondie
Please, both of you get well soon!
A painter had a reputation for being the lowest bidder on any project. When got the bid to paint the new Baptist church, he realized that the only way to be able to paint the church and still make a profit would be to water down the paint to make it go further. He purchased the paint, watered it down, and painted as quickly as possible, as the sky looked ominous. Sure enough, as soon as he finished, the sky opened and the rain washed off all the paint.
The Pastor of the church came to him quite upset about the money spent, but nothing to show for it. The painter of course denied that there was anything wrong with his paint. Just then, a hole in the clouds opened up and a voice came from the sky....
Repaint and Thin No More!!
I don't normally comment but, I have a corny joke for you.
Two atoms walk into a bar. The first says to the second... "you know, I haven't been feeling well. I think I've lost an electron."
The second one exclaims, "are you sure?"
The first responds, "yes, I'm POSITIVE!"
Well, it made me laugh, but, then again, I'm a nerd. Get well soon.
Kelli in MO.
Dear John,
Q: What did one math book say to the other?
A: Man, you've got problems.
Wishing you better from Iowa!
P.S. Word Verification: Pyronsu. Is there a college named NSU? Do they have Pyros there?
I just wanted to send out my love to you both, John and Jen. You are both in my thoughts and prayers.
I hope you get better soon, take care of yourselves!
One of my favorite stories from my dad follows. FYI: InstaVerse is a program that allows you to hover over a Bible reference in an email or similar (eg. John 3:16) and a window with that verse would pop up so you wouldn't have to look it up.
~~~~
When I was beta testing the InstaVerse program, it had a coding error that did not recognize line breaks or returns. This caused an unintended response when I asked our friend’s son for his parent’s mailing address so I could send a birthday card to his mother in Australia. His response included this:
“Their address is:
47-1 …”
When I paused the mouse cursor over the address to copy it, the beta InstaVerse program read “is: 47-1” as a reference to Isaiah 47:1, which reads: “Come down and sit in the dust, O virgin daughter of Babylon; Sit on the ground without a throne, O daughter of the Chaldeans! For you shall no longer be called tender and delicate.”
When I told our friend, who was just turning 60 on that birthday, about this faux pas with her address/ birthday she laughed herself silly.
Longtime lurker coming up for air to wish John the best. I have every good thought headed your way. Please be sure to rest as much as the hospital will let you.
Jen, hope you're on the mend soon, too! take care of each other!
-Robyn in NYS
John and Jen,
Suck! So sorry y'all are sick. We had such fun up here in Portland, I hope after you guys get better, the cancelled cities will get a do-over so they can share in the fun, too.
Hospital joke (sorry, it's a bit on the colorful side):
A new nurse comes into a room and sees her patient, an older gentleman with an oxygen mask on, lying in bed. The patient says to her, "Nurse, are my testicles black?"
The nurse was a bit confused at this question, but obligingly pulled down the covers to look.
"No, they're just fine," she replied.
The patient rolled his eyes and pulled the mask down to say, very clearly, "I said, 'Are my TEST RESULTS BACK?'"
Get well soon, guys!
Get better soon, John and Jen! John, just imagine carrot jockeys destroying that nasty blood-born bacteria and you'll be feeling fine in no time :)
John & Jen-
Best wishes for a speed recovery--Take good care of yourselves!
Andrea
Bad bird jokes for John:
Q: Why don't seagulls live on bays?
A: Because then they'd be bagels.
--
Q: What vegetable to baby birds like best?
A: Chick peas.
--
Q: What do you call a sticky blackbird?
A: A velcrow.
Word verification: "fluout"
As in, "get the flu-out!"
(Get better guys!)
Poor John and Jen! Prayers for a speedy recovery.
Get well soon! At least it's not Spattergroit.
If you're bored, you can watch Firefly on Hulu.
Here's a joke my 5 year old told me -
What did the boy squid say to the girl squid?
I wanna hold your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand.
Bww-hhhaaa!! Maybe it's so funny to me because I can hear his tiny little boy voice saying it.
Get better soon, and we'll say a prayer for you.
Jokes...let me think. Here's one: A default Sans Serif font walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve your type here!"
Another: "A horse walks into a bar. Bartender says, 'Why the long face?'"
Sorry, I'm not very good at this. Get well soon.
Sorry to hear you all are sick! So John needs something to chuckle with? Here's a try or two...
A guy walks in for his interview.
The interviewer asks, "Whats the first thing you notice about me?"
The guy responds, "Why, You don't have any ears."
Interviewer: "Get out! Send in the next guy."
2nd guy walks in for his interview.
The interviewer asks, "Whats the first thing you notice about me?"
The guy responds, "Why, You don't have any ears."
Interviewer: "Get out! Send in the next guy."
This guy on the way out says to the 3rd guy "What ever you do, don't say anything about his not having any ears - He'll kick you right out."
3rd guy walks in for his interview.
The interviewer asks, "Whats the first thing you notice about me?"
The guy looks at the interviewer intently for a few seconds and responds, "Why, you wear contact lenses don't you."
The interviewer says, "That's impressive that you're so observant. How could you tell I wear contact lenses?"
3rd guy "Because you don't have any ears to hang glasses on."
John & Jen, I thought of y'all today with my son's birthday cake, but it was too well done to share. Is it wrong that I was disappointed? I'm praying that you both make a speedy recovery!
Wishing you both a speedy recovery! People will definitely understand that health comes first! All the best.
A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out.
Her boss, concerned about all his employees' well being, asked sympathetically, "What's the matter?"
To which the blonde replies, "Early this morning I got a phone call saying that my mother had passed away."
The boss, feeling very sorry at this point, explains to the young girl, "Why don't you go home for the day. We aren't terribly busy. Just take the day off to relax and
rest."
The blonde very calmly states, "No, I'd be better off here. I need to keep my mind off it, and I have the best chance of doing that here."
The boss agrees and allows the blonde to work as usual, "If you need anything, just let me know."
Well, a few hours pass and the boss decides to check on the blonde. He looks out over his office and sees the blonde hysterically crying.
He rushes out to her asking, "What's so bad now? Are you going be OK?"
"No!" exclaims the blonde. "I just got a call from my sister. She told me that HER mom died too!"
A very tired nurse walks into a bank, totally exhausted after an eight-hour shift.
Preparing to write a check, She pulls a *rectal thermometer* out of her purse
and tries to write with it.
When she realizes her mistake, she looks at the flabbergasted teller
and without missing a beat, she says:
'Well, that's great....that's just great.... Some idiot's got my pen!'
warmest wishes and speedy recovery. we are all thinking of you.
After getting all of Pope Benedict's luggage loaded into the limo, (and
he doesn't travel light), the driver notices that the Pope is still
standing on the curb.
"Excuse me, Your Holiness," says the driver," Would you please take your
seat so we can leave?"
"Well, to tell you the truth," says the Pope, "they never let me drive
at the Vatican when I was a cardinal, and I'd really like to drive
today."
"I'm sorry, Your Holiness, but I cannot let you do that. I'd lose my
job! And what if something should happen?" protests the driver, wishing
he'd never gone to work that morning.
"Who's going to tell? Besides, there might be something extra in it for
you," says the Pope with a smile.
Reluctantly, the driver gets in the back as the Pope climbs in behind
the wheel. The driver quickly regrets his decision when, after exiting
the airport, the Pontiff floors it, accelerating the limo to 105 mph.
(Remember, he's a German Pope.)
"Please slow down, Your Holiness!" pleads the worried driver, but the
Pope keeps the pedal to the metal until they hear sirens.
"Oh, dear God, I'm gonna lose my license -- and my job!" moans the
driver.
The Pope pulls over and rolls down the window as the cop approaches, but
the cop takes one look at him, goes back
to his motorcycle, and gets on the radio.
"I need to talk to the Chief," he says to the dispatcher. The Chief gets
on the radio and the cop tells him that he's stopped a limo going a
hundred and five.
"So bust him," says the Chief.
"I don't think we want to do that, he's really important," said the cop.
The Chief exclaimed," All the more reason!"
"No, I mean really important," said the cop with a bit of persistence.
The Chief then asked, "Who ya got there, the Mayor?"
Cop: "Bigger."
Chief: " The Governor?"
Cop: "Bigger."
Chief: "The President?"
Cop: "Bigger."
"Well," said the Chief, "Who is it?"
Cop: "I think it's God!"
The Chief is even more puzzled and curious, "What makes you think it's
God?"
Cop: "He's got the Pope as a chauffeur."
Jen & John - Please get to feeling better! I'm so sorry you're both so yucky feeling and for it to happen in texas. =( Get to feeling better soon and I'll go stick a boot up anyone's *** if they complain!
Much love in the lone star state!
Melanie in Austin
Feel better soon, John and Jen! Sending best wishes to you both! LOVE the site! :-)
Jen & John - sorry we'll miss you in NYC, but your health is much more important. You're both in our thoughts - FEEL BETTER SOON!
- Julie
Here's my fave joke since I'm Italian and this is EXACTLY what my family is like :-)
Directions
An Italian grandmother giving directions to her grown grandson who is coming to visit with his wife: “You come to the front door of the apartment complex. I am in apartment 14T. There is a big panel at the door. With your elbow push button 14T.
I will buzz you in. Come inside, the elevator is on the right.
Get in, and with your elbow hit 14. When you get out I am on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell”.
“Grandma, that sounds easy, but why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow”?
“You’re coming empty handed”?
Oh, no! That is so awful, please feel better. Both of you. And John, if you're reading this, then you better be resting and drinking your fluids. :p
*writes* Get "well" soon in pink.
But seriously, now -- best of wishes to the both of you, you're in my prayers. <3
Praying you guys get better soon!
I have been a lurker here for a long, long time and never comment. My heartfelt prayers and best wishes go out to you. Thank for the many, many laughs you've brought me and my family. We all love you guys!
Oh, I had a joke in mind but apparently forgot to put it in my post. Oops.
Knock, knock!
(Who's there?)
You know.
(You know who?)
YES, AVADA KEDAVRA! AHAHAHAHAHA.
Jen, I know by experiance, that when there is someone you care about in pain, sick, and away from you, go to the local Cici's Pizza and smuggle out some fresh brownies. Helps me every time... And so sorry about John!! You both are in our thoughts!
p.s. Love the book!!
Hey guys, wishing you a super-speedy recovery. John hope you're out of ICU soon. Will miss you in NYC, byt your health is more important than anything.
Lots of hugs,
So there are two cupcakes in the over, one looks over to his neighbor and says "boy, it's hot in here". The other cupcakes screams "AAAAAAHHHHH, a talking cupcake!!!"
I'm so sorry you guys are under the weather. I love my book and was so sad you didn't come to my little town, I know Los Angeles is off the beaten path =) Anyway, we are all keeping buttercream and ganache thoughts for you!
Crikey! I wish you both a speedy recovery. Jen, my mother has just gone through the staph roller-coaster as well so I know what you're going through. Many hugs and get-well vibes.
I didn't read through the almost-450 comments yet, but here's a joke for you:
Q: Why did the turtle cross the road?
A: It was the chicken's day off.
Don't worry, you probably feel fine- it was the joke that was sick. ;-)
good luck 2 the both of you, and when you are bored to death reading well wishes, check out mylifeisaverage.com for a lot of (very geeky) laughs, also if you feel like laughing at other people's misfortune fmylife.com (yes its f not fuck) and lastly, if you want to laugh at stupid or well, stupid customers and the employee's stories, notalwaysright.com get well soon to the both :)
Jen & John Please get well soon!!
I just realized something reading the comments. your names are almost exactly the same! Jen, Jon! You are meant for each other!!!! Get better!
I am so sorry to hear of your illnesses and hope you both are well and whole again soon. I can't think of anything funnier than what you guys normally post, but I hope you are both smiling again soon!
Hey, Jon...
Q: How many people with ADD does it take to change a light bulb?A: Wanna go ride bikes?!
Hope you both are back to your wrecktacular selves soon! Prayers for speedy recovery coming your way.
Love from Houston n Jessy!
So Sorry to hear you're both sick, away from home, and can't come to New York! Sending good thoughts your way for speedy recoveries.
Carissa in Queens
Here's a joke:
Q: What do you tell someone with a black eye?
A: Nothing, he's already been told!!
Also, I came across some funny pick-up lines that might give you a good laugh:
-Hi, I'm incredibly rich.
-Baby, if you were words on a page, you'd be what they call FINE PRINT!
-Babe you must be in a corn field because I've been stalking you all day
-I noticed you noticing me and i thought i would notify you that i noticed you too.
-I bet you $20 you're gonna turn me down.
-Your eyes are as blue as the water in my toilet bowl.
-You look just like my mother.
-Do you like raisons? (No) Well then, how about a date?
And my all-time favorite:
-Hey baby, does this rag smell like chloroform to you?
I hope you both get well soon!
So sorry to hear of your illness(es)!! And right here in the Big D, no less. If you need anything local, just post it and I'm sure one of us can help!!
Why doesn't a lobster have any friends?
Because he's shellfish!
And in honor of Halloween...
What did the skeleton say to the bartender?
I'll have a beer and a mop!
Get well quickly!
My thoughts and Prayers are with you and John! Your fans will be here waiting, loving your work. Just focus on returning your health! No Guilt!
"Here's" to a speedy recovery, and CAKE WRECKS!
So sorry to hear you are sick, and so far away from home. Sending prayers and good thoughts to the both of you.
Oldie but goodie: What does a dyslexic, agnostic insomniac do? Stays up all night wondering if there's a dog.
Get well soon!
Sorry to hear you're both feeling poorly. Here's a joke for John (one of only a few I've ever actually remembered):
A priest, a rabbi and a pastor walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Is this a joke?".
Get well soon!
--KarenB
hey guys I don't know you but I enjoy your website everyday. bored? okay ... on hulu there is a show called kitchen confidential. this show was on fox and only did 13 episodes. I didn't hear about it till a week ago check it out its VERRY FUNNY. and the Pastry chef character is really funny. think positive and laugh alot its good for you. I am from San Antonio and am very sorry you guys are so sick.
Hang in there, Jen and John. Being sick on the road is the worst.
The most important thing is to get better, so take it easy.
You are getting tons of good wishes from my little family.
Many many warm thoughts from Lauren and family
I hope you're both well soon. This is the first time I've ever written on a blog (unless facebook counts). Anyway, here's a joke for John:
A blind guy walks into a department store with his seeing eye dog. He goes into the middle of the store, stops, picks his dog up by the tail and swings it around over his head like a lasso. A clerk approaches him immediately and says, "Excuse me, may I help you?" The man replies, "No thanks, I'm just looking"
That's the only clean one I could think of. Get well soon!
Sooooooo sorry to hear about you getting sick! My thoughts and prayers to you both. Thanks for the smile each day - you two ROCK!
Maureen
So sad to hear you guys are sick!!! Hey John here's a joke for ya!
At NIH (National Institute of Health), there is a sign on the door of a microbiology lab that reads "STAPH ONLY!"
Hahahahah! Hope it makes u laugh a bit!
Hoping for a speedy recovery, who knew cake book tours were so dangerous?
No one brought one of those "one of these bon bons is infected? cakes, did they?
Wow. That really stinks. I know you guys were really looking forward to the tour. I suck with jokes, and, sadly, my best one was stolen by that KGB commercial: what do you call cheese that isn't yours? NACHO CHEESE! It makes me giggle every time. :)
Feel better soon, guys!
sucks to hear John is not well! I am thinking of you both!!
Lurker praying for your recovery!!!!
Wishing you both a speedy recovery!!
My thoughts are with you both! I hope you guys feel better soon! Here's a joke that'll hopefully bring a few laughs...
A string walks into a bar and the bartender says, "We don't serve strings here." "Fine," the string replies. It leaves the bar, ties a knot in it's middle, unravels it's ends a bit, and returns to the bar. The bartender looks at it suspiciously and asks, "Aren't you a string?" The string says, "No, I'm a frayed knot."
Adding m'self to the list of best wishers. Get well soon!!
John & Jen --
Sending love and prayers your way + a bad joke!
A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel stuck in his pants. The bartender says - "hey, whats the deal with the steering wheel in your pants."
The pirate says, "Arrrh, I don't know, but its driving me nuts."
wv: booti - how piratical!
Remember to get lots of rest.
Apologies if these have been posted:
A man walks into a bar, asks the bartender "say, do you serve any entendre here?"
Bartender says "sure we do! Will that be single or double?"
Man says "Double, of course"
Bartender says "well, in that case, let me fill her up with a big one"
Two hydrogen atoms walk out of the bar and one says, "I have to go back; I forgot my electron." The other replies, "Are you sure?" And the first one says, "Yes, I'm positive."
A font walked into a bar, and the bartender promptly threw him out. "What's the problem?" the font asked. The bartender said, "We don't serve your type here."
I love this website... I guess that means I love y'all too! I want your book for christmas!!!
If you're really bored look up the Newfoundland Dictionary of English and read some of the words we use! You'll die with laughter...
Best wishes and a speedy recovery to the both of you. Your fans understand.
Hey, John and Jen. I was bummed to hear the tour was canceled. My husband is out of town and my mom is with me. She took a Wilson cake decorating class years back and made some sweet cakes. I should post them sometime (yes that thought just occurred to me after almost a year of addiction to you guys). Anyways I talked her into driving the extra hours on her already long trip to go with me. And I was so excited about bringing my "Syphilis Blows" whale cupcake for you guys to see. I'll stop rambling. I just love you guys. I think the commentary on the cakes is just brilliant. Anyways, this is for you, John. I heard a joke on the radio about cakes. Here it goes:
A man walks into a bakery and tells the baker he wants a cake in the shape of a "G". The baker says, "Sure. No problem. Just come back in a few hours and it will be ready." The man leaves and comes back to get his cake. The baker brings it out and proudly shows the man the cake that is indeed, in the shape of a "G". The man shouts, "No no no! It is supposed to be a cursive 'G'!" The baker replies, "I'm so sorry about that. Just come back in a few hours and we will have it ready for you." The man leaves and, sure enough, in a few hours he returns. The baker is there to meet him with his cake in the shape of a cursive "G". The man says, "That's perfect," and hands the baker his money. The baker, swelling with pride says, "Great. Let me box it up for you." "No, that's okay," says the man, "I'll just eat it here."
Its not the best joke, but it made me chuckle. Hope you guys get better. Thanks for being so good to your fans. I'll be praying for you.
-Lindsey S.
To Jon and Jen,
Here's a little joke just for you with additional wishes for a speedy recovery. It may sound like a few you've seen before, but it's not. Enjoy!
The corner shop baker was a true artist when it came to decorating job-related cakes. One customer asked him "Can you make a birthday cake for my wife?. She's an optician." The baker agreed and produced a birthday cake in the perfect detail of a teary eye (with purple iris and fancy piping).
Next week, another customer asked "Can you make a birthday cake for my husband? He's a dentist." The baker agreed and produced a cake in the shape of a grinning mouth (including pearly white teeth and ruby lips) much to the woman's delight.
As that custom left, another customer entered the shop. "May I help you?", asked the baker. The customer said, "Maybe. You see my friend's a gynecologist and I need photo for cakewrecks...".
Wishing you well!
-WM
A font walked into a bar, and the bartender promptly threw him out. "What's the problem?" the font asked. The bartender said, "We don't serve your type here."
I'm so sorry you've been sick! I hope you heal soon - I'll send ya some good reiki vibes!
Well phooey on the tour, you two just get well as soon as you can! Special hugs for John, the ICU is ZERO fun.
Oh bummer!
So sorry to hear the awful turn of events. "In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps." Proverbs 16:9
We were so looking forward to meeting you in KC, and our kiddos worked hard on their cupcakes for the contest, but know that we're praying for you and trust that this is for some unseen reason.
Omg you guys, I am so sorry for you! What a crappy way to have to end the tour. But health comes first!!
I'm sending lots of good vibes your way. Get well very, very soon!
Here's my joke for John (gotta love that alliteration, would make a cool new book, dontcha think?):
A guy walks into a pet store in search of a parrot. The owner presents him with the first parrot: beautiful red plumage, shiny and the owner says, he knows a few phrases and learns new ones fairly well. Price? $1000. Next there's a blue parrot. Magnificent plumage, gemstone hued tailfeathers and knows about 500 words, has the ability to combine them. He learns new ones easily. Price? $3000. Finally, the pet shop owner presents the customer with a third parrot. This one is measly, small, poo brown with a crooked wing. Customer asks how much. $8000 dollars. "$8000?? What on earth can he DO? He must be amazing!" Owner: "I dunno what he does mister, but the other two call him 'boss'."
Laughter is the best medicine! Hope that helped just a little!
ps: gotta love word verification sometimes - I got "monorkl" :D
Feel better soon!
Oh bummer!
So sorry to hear the awful turn of events. "In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps." Proverbs 16:9
We were so looking forward to meeting you in KC, and our kiddos worked hard on their cupcakes for the contest, but know that we're praying for you and trust that this is for some unseen reason.
Jen & John,
Way to soldier on, despite your crazy illness. Maybe it's some evil plot that a bakery has cooked up to get revenge from the wrecky horrors you've revealed from their store. (All that icing has to affect their brains at some point, right?!)
Stay strong. Get well soon. Dream of baby carrot jockeys. Your devoted fans will be missing you.
Praying for you both...we're a forgiving bunch to say the least so no time and energy wasted on feeling bad for missing the book tour, other than the staph infection, pheumonia, and stomach bug.
lol im sick too, but not as bad as that! i still feel like im half dead.... buckley's cold pills are AWESOME i feel like i may be able to function when i take them [even tho it's just an illusion]
Sending you best wishes and hoping that John is outta there & feeling great super fast!
The only joke I know is this:
"What's the difference between boogers and broccoli?"
"Kids don't EAT broccoli!"
All that matters is getting well. Please take care of yourselves, Jen and John.
Love,
Alison
Get well soon!
The only cure is cake! Please eat many.
Prayers and hugs are coming your way! Truly we hope you get better soon!
Prayers and hugs are coming your way! Truly we hope you get better soon!
<3 aw. I'm quite sorry.
Pronto recuperia!
(no, i don't know if that's quite how you say it. I know I'm close)
Oh, dear! I hope you both feel better soon. Here's a joke for you:
How do you make a tissue dance?
Blow a little boogie in it!
Or, courtesy of Popsicles (which have jokes on the sticks):
What do road crews use at the North Pole?
Snow cones!
-Holly
I hope things improve quickly. Here are my best jokes to (hopefully) give you a laugh:
Did you hear about the dyslexic agnostic insomniac?
He would lie awake at night wondering if there really was a dog.
******
Did you hear about the psychic midget that broke out of jail?
He was a small medium at large.
******
There were two cannibals eating a clown. The one cannibal says to the other cannibal, "Does this taste funny to you?"
******
I hope you got a laugh out of that. :-) Take care and best wishes to you both
Oh no! I hope you two feel better soon!
Sending prayers your way!
P.S. here's a joke for John,
how do you make an eggroll?
just give it a push!
Jen & John...big *HUGS* but from a very far away distance so that I don't catch it. It was so nice meeting you in Chicago and you two are the sweetest. I really hope you guys are not sick long. I feel bad when good people get sick...they don't (including you guys) deserve it. I'll be hoping for a speedy recovery for you guys. Just get some rest and don't worry about making it up to "us bakers" seriously.
Keeping you two in my thoughts!
Thinking of you John and wishing you a speedy recovery! Hope you're feeling better too Jen!
Lots of loving and healthy thoughts going out your way! Get well soon and take care of yourselves!
From my 7 year old son:
What is brown and sticky?
A stick!!!!
Feel better soon to the both of you.
Your Loyal Fans,
Stephanie & Jordan
OH NO!! Feel better sooooon!!! I feel honored that I got to see you in Dallas while the sickness was a brewing!
Here's a joke to laugh....
What's Green and Sings????
Elvis Parsley!!! ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
HUGS! Sarah in OKC
I've been lurking on your blog for awhile now. It's fabulous.
I'm so sorry to hear what's happened to you two. I know you're disappointed about your tour, but I hope you are both back on your feet soon. Know that many, many people are thinking of you!
Blech, sickness. Okay, since you clearly have internet access, some things to entertain you:
http://www.minuscule.tv/
It's like Pixar, only French. No language skills required, click on "video of the month"
and this:
http://www.cracked.com/blog/the-true-life-story-of-a-ken-doll/
for laughs
and this:
http://www.willard-wigan.com/gallery.aspx?AspxAutoDetectCookieSupport=1
to blow your mind
and a classic to round them out:
http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/features/2479342/Spider-email-joker-is-back-David-Thorne-spider-email-prankster-returns-David-Thorne-winds-up-gym-boss-and-landlord.html
Get well soon!
Wishing you both a speedy recovery
I'm an author, and we all like to trade the "book tour from hell" stories. You guys take the cake!
I'm so sorry to hear about this! Feel better, and take care of yourselves!
I'm terrible with jokes, so instead I will suggest homestarrunner.com (emails!) for entertainment.
Yikes! I'm so sorry to hear this. Wishing both you and John a speedy recovery! *good healthy vibes*
You have probably heard.....
Pillsbury Dough Boy Dead At 71
Veteran Pillsbury spokesman, Pop N. Fresh, died yesterday of a severe yeast infection. He was 71.
Fresh was buried in one of the largest funeral ceremonies in recent years. Dozens of celebrities turned out, including Mrs. Butterworth, The California Raisins, Hungry Jack, Betty Crocker, and The Hostess Twinkies.
The graveside was piled high with flours as longtime friend Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy, describing Fresh as a man who "never knew how much he was kneaded." Fresh rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with many turnovers.
He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Still, even as a crusty old man, he was a roll model for millions.
Fresh is survived by his second wife. They have two children and one in the oven. The funeral was held at 4:50 for about 20 minutes.
~~~Just for laughs~~~~
Get well SOON!
Speedy recovery!!
Get well soon Jen and John!
Jen and John,
I'm so sorry y'all both are so ill.
Jen, get checked for diverticulitis,and go on clear liquids only. Jello cakes only. That's cakes not shots. John, I really feel for you. PUMoanYa is no "piece of cake"; especially with that gooshy staph infection filling. This whole episode sounds more and more like y'all's own tribute to Lenin. Seriously, get better soon. I'm so sorry Dallas has turned into such an ill wind for y'all.
Julie in Arlington, Texas
So sorry to hear you guys are ill. I'm glad i got to meet you in seattle, you are both so warm and funny.
I guess when you shake hands and meet that many people, a few of them will bring their germs along.
i know it must have been hard to tell everyone that you can't continue the tour. but they all love you and understand.
Feel better soon.
Sorry to hear about John's unfortunate incarceration in the ICU. Even bigger bummer that Jen's sick too and doesn't even get any sympathy or morphine.
Here's my joke:
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender takes one look at him and says, "So, why the long face?"
Bwahahahahaha
Oh no!!! You poor things. Bad enough vomiting - gack! That's my worst nightmare. Well, maybe not my WORST nightmare, but a nightmare nonetheless.
But poor John. Oh I hope he feels better soon. God bless you both.
Hi Jen,
Wishing you both lots of "get well soon thoughts".
I enjoyed your stop in Seattle, it was nice to put daces to my daily laugh.
Speedy recovery to you and John.
Jennifer
A dog limps into a saloon with his leg wrapped up in a bandage, hobbles over to the bartender and says "I'm lookin for the man that show my pa..."
Okay admittedly that one works better orally and not in print!
I'm so sorry you guys are sick!! I hope you both get well soon!! I don't have any funny jokes to tell at the moment, but I did make a cake the other day that was of a horse, but looked like a hippo once you took off the ears, lol. The hubby and I had a good laugh.
Get better soon!!
Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that you are both ill! I've been reading your blog for more than a year, and, even though it's the first time I comment (I'm not much of an active blog reader, ya know), it makes me laugh so hard that my cheeks and belly hurt. You are really really funny, and the Wrecks are, well, so wrecky. ;) This is the funniest thing in the whole web. LOL I'm dying for your book and those T-shirts, aprons and all, but as I live in Rio de Janeiro and Dad has cancelled our international card (*cahemstingy!cahem*) I can't buy anything - but of course I've insisted a billion times. ;P
My best wishes for you both!
Jen&John. Get well soon!!! We are thinking of you and hope you are back in sprinkles soon!
I hope you and hubby feel better soon!
Nicole
Lots of prayers and wishes going out to the both of you. So sorry to hear about John and you. The tour is the last thing you need to worry about, just get better soon.
I'm disappointed, but I certainly understand cancelling the rest of the tour. I hope you are both feeling better soon. Thank you for the daily chuckles from the blog.
Donna Bertrand
All the best to both of you. I hope that you are better soon.
Tracy
Ontario
Dear John:
GET BETTER SOON!
And Jen,
Your fans are supporting you through this, I hope you both make a speedy recovery!
Also, I purchased the book last night and my boyfriend and I could not stop laughing. It is a great book, good job!
Here's a silly joke for you:
What's green and has wheels?
Grass. I was lying about the wheels. :)
Get better, both of you! <3
My favorite joke because it's short, simple, and kind of dumb:
There are two muffins in an oven. One looks at the other and says, "Man, its getting hot in here!"
The other muffin looks at the first and shrieks, "OH MY GOD, A TALKING MUFFIN!"
I told you it was kind of dumb. :D But I love it!
These made me smile when I was sick. This was mine: http://www.giantmicrobes.com/us/products/beerandbread.html
But John, yours is cuter: http://www.giantmicrobes.com/us/products/staph.html
get well very very soon :)
-Angela
So sorry to hear this! We will be praying for you both!
A panda walks into a bar. He orders a sandwich. Then he eats it.
When he's finished, he stands up, pulls out a gun and shoots it. Then he makes for the exit.
The very frightened bartender yells after him, "Hey, who do you think you are?!" The panda pauses, pulls out a badly-punctuated wildlife manual and tosses it at him.
"I'm a panda. Look it up."
The bartender thumbs through the pages and, sure enough, finds an explanation:
Panda: a large white-and-black mammal, commonly found in China. Eats, chutes and leaves.
Get well soon! Thats a horrible infection to have.You both are in our prayers!
Oh no! Being sick just straight-up sucks. I hope you two have a speedy recovery! You both are in our thoughts!
Aw jeez you guys, that sucks. Get well soon, here are some lame food jokes for you! I'd tell you a super-funny one, but that might make you cough and I wouldn't wanna whisk it. (zing!)
What do you get when you put three ducks in a box?
A box of quackers.
What did the mayonnaise say to the refrigerator?
Close the door, I'm dressing!
What did the mother ghost tell the baby ghost when he ate too fast?
Stop goblin your food.
Feel better!
OMG! Get well soon you two! (John, turn off the computer).
Healing energy coming your way.
So sorry to hear that! Get feeling better! Both of you!
Sending well wishes to both of you--hope you are feeling better soon!
Recently discovered this site, and have been converting friends ever since.
This blog has brought me so many smiles over the last few months; I am so sorry to hear of your health problems! God Bless you and Get Well Soon! John, if you need a chuckle, try looking at www.wedinator.com -- cracked me up yesterday.
You're both in my prayers...feel better soon!
Dear John and Jen,
So sorry to hear you are sick. Yikes. Drink lots of water, take lots of vitamin c, and get some rest. Consider yourself nagged.
I got my copy from Amazon on Friday! And it is Dangerously funny. Had to stop and catch my breath a few times, and realized I could die laughing, and my husband would find me slumped in the chair...wow.
My husband was holding his sides, too, when he tried to read it.
So, I made a cake Saturday, a rum cake, and it was delicious, and when it broke apart as my husband was inverting it, we both laughed. A cake wreck.
Take care, and thank you, John for protecting Jen from evil anonymous trolls.