Sunday, October 4, 2009

Tour Wreck - UPDATE

Sunday, October 4, 2009

Hi all,

Unfortunately, disaster has struck our CW "World" Tour: John is currently in the ICU in a Dallas hospital with pneumonia, and now I've been hit with the sick stick as well. I had hoped to make it to the Austin show today by hopping a flight out this morning, but, well, let's just say my "gut instinct" is to stay near the "porcelain throne." Heh. (Ug.)

I cannot tell you how heart sick I am over this.

As it stands right now, we are canceling the Austin and Kansas City tour stops. Depending on how John and I are doing, we may still be able to make it to Bethesda and/or New York City, but it's too soon to say. Stay tuned to my Twitter feed for all the gory details, and I'll also update here on the blog when I know more.

Thank you all for your well-wishes, and please know that I am so truly sorry. (Especially for the bakers - guys, I promise I will make this up to you somehow.) A re-scheduling is not completely out of the question, but we'll just have to see what happens.

In the meantime, prayers, warm wishes, good thoughts, rain dances, etc., are all very much appreciated. It really stinks to be sick and alone away from home.

UPDATE: More bad news: in addition to the pneumonia, John has developed a staph infection in his blood. He's in critical condition, and so won't be leaving the ICU - much less the hospital - for many days. I'm moving to a hotel closer to the hospital so I can be with him, and I'm afraid this means that the rest of the tour is off. :(

Thank you all again for being so wonderful. Believe it or not, John is still moderating your comments from his hotel bed (talk about an addiction...), so please comment here if you'd like to say hello to him. Better yet: tell him your best joke. He's bored, and needs the laughs right now.

(Hey all! Anne-Marie here! Don't worry, I'm robust and healthy up here in Maine, publishing your comments like crazy! 334 as of a minute ago! John, Jen and all their little viral buddies are loving all the jokes and well wishes. Thanks so much!)
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Anonymous said...

I get it --- John wants someone to bake him a cake wreck "get well soon" cake! I shudder to think what some people could come up with!

Sending get well wishes to both of you!

Alyssa said...

I know how boring a hospital can be! Here's my favorite joke of all time (and just about the only one I know). What did the fish say when he swam into a cement wall?

... Dam!

Anonymous said...

Hang in there, John!

My best joke: What's brown and rhymes with Snoop?

Dr. Dre!

-- Rachelle

Kacy Southerland said...

What's the difference between swine flu & bird flu?
With one, you get a tweetment, and with the other, you get an oinkment!

What would Mozart be doing if he were alive today?
Probably screaming and clawing at the inside of his coffin.

I hope that BOTH of you get better soon!

Mallory said...

So, the pope is coming to the States and there has been a limo driver arranged to pick him up. When the pope arrives, the limo driver asks him, "Is there anything at all I can do for you?" and the pope replies, "Well, there is one thing. I haven't driven in forever and I'd really like to."
So, of course, the driver obliges and sits in the back while the pope drives. Well, the pope gets a little out of hand and starts driving way over the speed limit and gets pulled over. The policeman comes up to the window and, seeing the driver, immediately calls his supervisor, saying, "I've just pulled over a very important person," and the supervisor says, "Well who is it? The governor?"
The policeman replies, "No, more important."
The supervisor guesses again. "The president?"
"No, more important." replies the policemen.
The supervisor gets frustrated and finally asks, "Well who is it then?!"
The policeman says, "I don't know who it is, but he's got the pope for a driver."

Haha. Get well soon, both of you!

Marie Says Yes said...

yikes! get better soon! lay down and eat bonbons and turkey sandwiches! soak in the attention! GET BETTER!

Paradigm said...

I've been reading your updates on Twitter and sending good thoughts to both of you.

cep said...

Here's hoping and praying that John is back on his feet very, very soon, and you take good care of yourself.

Kj said...

Two drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff.

Ba dum TSHH!

Rest up & recover. Take as much time as you need!

Abby said...

Eight blondes and a brunette are hanging from a rope off a cliff. They realize that if one of them does not let go, the rope will break and they will all die. They start debating among themselves as to who the unlucky person will be and finally the brunette speaks up. She gives a heartfelt speech about how she's lived a good life and how she will sacrifice herself so that the others can live. All the blondes applauded.

Anonymous said...

Dear Jen and John,
I have been reading for a while but never commented.Sorry that my first comment is the occassion of your illness. I am praying for your full recovery John and peace for you Jen while you are far from home and John is in the hospital.
Karen Phillips,Dover Delaware.

Alice said...

Goodness me. Praying for you both. xxx

Sariah said...

Ahh!!! Get well SOON! That is no fun. And please tell us that being in the ICU isn't as scary as it sounds? Can't help but be super worried.

I don't have any good jokes to tell you and make you laugh... unless you are a band nerd. I have a bajillion musician jokes. :) Sorry!!

Anonymous said...

I'm so sorry to hear you're both sick. I hope you both feel better soon and that John has a speedy recovery and is out out the ICU quickly. Thanks for a wonderful blog! -K

Zillah said...

You'll both be in my thoughts. Here's hoping for a speedy recovery! *hugs*

As for's been a long time since I heard this one, so the telling might not be accurate. Still, I hope it'll be worth a chuckle.

It was a couple's wedding night, and the bride was especially nervous because she'd heard stories about people finding out that the honeymoon suite at the hotel where she and her new husband were staying had been bugged. She refused to go to bed until they'd searched the whole room. Eventually, her husband lifted up a corner of a rug in the middle of the floor, and lo and behold, there was a little round object secured there with a few screws. He unscrewed it and tossed it out the window.

The next morning, the hotel manager paid the couple a visit, asking if they'd had a good night, if they'd been pleased with the service they'd received and if they approved of the room. Slightly offended at this apparent invasion of their privacy, the husband answered that yes, they'd had a good night, and why was he asking all those questions?

The manager replied, "Because the couple in the room below yours complained that their chandelier fell on them last night."

Alessandra said...

Im sorry to read that. Please receive from me a virtual cake with the shape of two lovely lungs in fluorescent colors to sweeten your day. Get well soon.

Anonymous said...

Hope both of you get well very soon. I know it's difficult being cooped up, especially in a hospital. You're in our prayers.

Forgive the R rating of this joke. Thought it might give you a chuckle if you haven't heard it already. =)

John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, 'Here's to spending the rest
of me life, between the legs of my wife!'
That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!

He went home and told his wife, Mary, 'I won the prize for the best
toast of the night.'
She said, great & what was your toast?'
John said, 'Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church
beside me wife.'

'Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!' Mary said.

The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the
street corner.

The man chuckled leeringly and said, 'John won the prize the other
night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary.'

She said, 'Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You
know, he's only been there twice in the last four years. Once he fell
asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him

Raspberry said...

Best joke, best joke...
What is green and fuzzy, and if it fell out of tree would kill you?

A pool table.

Sorry. I know, SO lame. Hope all gets better fast. Make her play cards with you - I always make my husband play cards with me, even when I was in labor with our first. Every time a contraction hit, I accused him of cheating.

stellablue said...

Sorry to hear about John. Laughter really is the best medicine though!
Here's my favorite pirate joke:

A pirate walks in to a bar. The bartender says, "Hey there - I can't help but notice you have a steering wheel sticking out of your pants"

The pirate says, "Aye, I know. It's driving me nuts"

Best wishes for a speedy recovery!

Tami said...

I hope you're both feeling better soon!

Kim said...

How horrible to have such a dreadful tourwreck! Here's wishing you a speedy recovery. We have you in our thoughts and prayers!

Lisa said...

Prayers for a speedy recovery on both parts!

A woman in her late 60s decides she wants a baby. She visits her doctor for a check-up and is assured that everything will be fine, so she and her husband can start trying.

When they don't hit "pay dirt" after a few months, she insists that her husband go get checked out. Good man that he is, he does. His doctor gives him a jar for the appropriate specimen, and is instructed to bring the jar back in the morning.

The next day, the man places the jar on the counter with the receptionist.

"Sir, this jar is empty."

"I know. ::sigh:: I tried it with my left hand, nothing happened. I tried with my right hand, nothing. My wife - she tried with her left hand and her right hand. Still nothing! She even tried it with her teeth in and her teeth out and we STILL couldn't get the lid off this jar!!"

If nothing else, you probably laughed. Even a little.

Anonymous said...

Wow! John, I hope you start recovering soon! Jen, I hope you start feeling better as well!

Oklahoma Granny said...

Wishing you both a very quick recovery. You're in my thoughts and prayers.

Anonymous said...

Sending prayers for both of you!!
Get better and don't stress, your fans understand.

Alison P said...

Get better soon guys! I was oh so pleased to see my birthday cake on here last week (Aligod ha ha).

Thanks for the laughs!
- Alison P.

P.S. Did you hear about the two antennas who got married? The ceremony was awful but the reception was great! :)

Jennifer said...

I'm so sorry to hear you BOTH got sick on this awesome tour! talk about a wreck...

John: GET WELL SOON! and makes me lol, if you haven't seen it already :)

my usual "get well soon" site suggestion is actually cakewrecks, because it's one of my favorites since i'm sick at home a lot myself.

Anonymous said...

So so sorry this happened it Texas! I can't help but think if you'd stopped in Houston instead of Big D, this might not have happened! Take care of yourselves, prayers for you and John. Thanks for the smiles every day.

Molly said...

Jen and John, Hope you feel better soon! Should we send cake? :D

Anonymous said...

Ah, what a bummer! I know you guys were having a blast. John, get well soon! We're praying for you!

Goldielox said...

A couple of days ago, I was bummed that you were in Dallas and I was only a couple hours away (in OK, ptooey TX) and couldn't make it.

Today, I'm bummed that ya'll are having to go through this while so far from home.

My thoughts and prayers are with you both for a speedy recovery.

Heather said...

Best wishes for the both of you. Hopefully on your way to a speedy recovery.

God Bless

Anonymous said...

Prayers for wellness, for the fundage to pay for the hotel and hospital bills, and a safe trip home. - J.G.

Today we had church, thought Id put this in while you are bored.It was a great talk about the wonderful Bible and all the ways it ties into Jesus' story while He was on earth. Kinda crazy how they were talking about Him for so many years before He even came to earth.
Why are we so blessed to have a man come and die for us? Crazy.

Joke: Two cannibals walked into a bar. They order a clown from the menu. After they start to dig in one cannibal says, "Does this meat taste FUNNY to you?? "

WV: Peppres: As read on a cake wreck: Hott as " peppres "

Ocean Star said...

John, I hope you get better soon! In the meantime, here is my favorite joke - A woman walks into a bar and orders a double entendre... and the bartender gives it to her.

andie said...

Meghan used my stick joke, so I'll share my second favorite with you:

Q: What's green and wears ice skates?

A: Peggy Phlegm.

How about some get-well-soon humor?

Q: What's worse than a giraffe with a sore throat?

A: A centipede with sore feet.

Q: Where does a rabbit go when it's sick?

A: To the hop-spital.

:) Lame, I know. If you want something funnier, you're going to have to get well, because I am no competition for CakeWrecks.

Anonymous said...

I feel so bad for you both! Being sick is bad enough without being stuck away from the comforts of home. I've heard from many different sources about the perils of American "health insurance", I hope that your husband pulls through quickly and your hospital bills don't send you into a tailspin.

Mug-z said...

Oh no! I hope you both feel better right away! Best, sugariest wishes to you!

Anonymous said...

bad joke, but
What kind of bug tells time?
A clockroach
I know its a bad joke. i've been praying and i will until i recieve word that you're feeling better

Jenny H said...

Aw man! I hope you guys get well soon! D: Lots of love and heart-felt wishes from Florida!

Here's some of my best jokes to hopefully liven up your day:
What did one snowman say to the other snowman?
Smells like carrots.

How come seagulls live by the sea?
Because if they lived by the bay they’d be bagels.

Why do cows wear bells?
‘Cause their horns don’t work.

How come the man driving the train got struck by lightning?
Well, he was a good conductor.

What’s the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver?
One goes “WHACK! Darn!” the other goes “Darn! WHACK!”

What’s the difference between deer nuts and beer nuts?
Beer nuts are $1.50 and deer nuts are under a buck.

There was this pirate walking around with a paper towel on his head, so I asked him, “What’s with the paper towel?”
“Arr, I got a bounty on me head.”

Heather said...

We're so sorry to hear about you and John! Please, don't worry about us. It's far more important you both get better. Our thoughts are with you both.

Regina said...

I'm so sorry to hear this. I really hope that you and John feel better soon

Amelia said...

Jen & John,

I'm really sorry to hear that you've come down with something nasty. I'm sending my best wishes, good vibes and a nifty care package to you. (With the note I wrote, of course!)

I hope for a really speedy recovery, and for the staph to run far far away from the might that is John.

My mom also sends her best "get well" vibes.

Do get well, dears!


Amy B.

P.S. I can't think of a joke right now, but I promise it'll be "funny" when I do.

Sunny said...

Best wishes for a speedy recovery!

Anonymous said...

Get well soon!

What do you call a fly with no wings?

A walk.

Anonymous said...

Jen and John, I'm so sorry you're both sick. Prayers are going up for your healing right now. Hope you can both get back on your feet soon and continue to entertain us all with your wit and cheer about the great wrecks you bring us each day.

Jenny Nelson

Jes said...

Feel better!

John and Sarah Sperry said...

So a horse walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Why the long face?"

I really hope you get better soon, John! Jen, I hope you're back on your feet again, soon, as well.

knaegeli said...

Oh no! John and Jen, I'm so sorry! Feel better, and follow all doctor's orders. I'm sending positive recovery thoughts.

Anonymous said...

What terrible news. Hope everyone is well again very very soon! Take care of yourselves.

Beth said...

Sorry about that - the people of DFW just love y'all so much that we wanted to keep you a little longer. It was only supposed to be a mild head cold - honest! ;)

Anonymous said...

Oh no! Get better soon!

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
Because it was dead.

Why did the chicken fall out of the tree?
Because it was stapled to the monkey!

Thank you thank you, I'll be here all night and have a lovely assortment of dead baby jokes as well.


Anonymous said...

Get well soon to both of you!!!

Vicki in NY

Anonymous said...

I hope you both feel better soon! Take care of yourselves and don't worry about the tour. I'm sure everyone understands and wants nothing more than a speedy recovery for both of you.

Paul said...

John, since you're going to read this: Get some rest! Staph is horrible, I hope you get well. Please take care of yourselves!

Laura said...

Here's your bad hospital joke of the day:

A middle aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table, she had a near death experience. Seeing God, she asked, "Is my time up?"

God said, "No, you have another 43 years to live."

Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face lift, liposuction and a tummy tuck. Since she had so much more time to live, it was a good time to make some major improvements in her appearance. After she was released from the hospital following her last operation, she was hit and killed by an ambulance as she crossed the street.

When the woman arrived in Heaven she wanted to know why she had not been pulled from the path of the ambulance since she had been promised 43 more years of life.

God looked at her for a moment and then replied, "I just didn't recognize you!"

Feel better soon!

Lauren said...

Oh no! "The Famous John" is sick! D:
I guess it's sort of to be expected, though...traveling all over and being in close contact with a thousand or so people, all during the onset of the flu and cold season.
All my best wishes for you and Jen!

Oh, and as for a joke? Better told in person, but here's a groaner:

Two cupcakes were baking in an oven. One cupcake turns to the other and says, "boy, it sure is hot in here!"
And the other cupcake screams, "aah! A talking cupcake!!"

I promised it'd be bad.
Try to have a good week, and get well soon, both of you!!

Emma said...

I hope you both feel better soon, take care of yourselves and don't push yourself into working until you feel back to normal. We'll wait!

Knock knock
Who's there?
Interrupting cow.
Interrupting cow wh- MOO!


greenbluestar said...

That made me tear up and not because you are canceling, you won't be anywhere near MT anyway. Get well soon, I read your blog every day and will keep you in my thoughts.


Jackie Blue said...

Oh my goodness ...please get better soon...I will so pray for healing for the both of you...


Martha said...

Get well soon!!

Don't worry about canceling on others; most important thing is for you both to get healthy again.


Holly said...

Lots and lots of positive thoughts and healing vibes heading your way from Denver! (I didn't come to Tattered Cover cos I was sick)

and here is a very silly joke:

Knock Knock

Who's there?

Ice cream soda

Ice cream soda who?

I scream soda people can hear me.

Kati said...

Get better Jen and John! Y'all are in my prayers. (((((hugs)))))

Carole and Keith said...

Fondantest wishes for speedy recoveries to both of you.

Rebecca said...

I'm a first-time commenter, but I love your blog! You've given me many laughs, so here's one for you (hopefully!)

A priest, a rabbi and a minister decide to see who's best at his job. The test is to go into the woods, find a bear and try to convert it.

After they are done the priest says, "I read to the bear from the Catechism, sprinkled him with holy water and next week is his First Communion."

The minister said, "I found a bear by the stream, preached God's holy word and he let me baptize him in the river."

The rabbi was bandaged from head to foot and said. "Looking back, maybe I shouldn't have started with the circumcision."

Liz said...

Major, major bummer. Saying a prayer for you guys!
And a joke:
What's brown and sticky?
-A stick.

Sorry, all my other jokes have to do with dead babies.

Julie said...

Hmmm... OK, how about a flu joke? Why don't anteaters get sick?
Cuz they're full of ANTibodies! :)

My favorite riddle:

What's the first thing you know?

(Think about it)

(Are you thinking?)

(Give up?)

Well, the first thing you know ol' Jed's a millionaire...


Sarah said...

Wow, I only tweeted a wile back that I hoped the ICU stay would be short! Take care of both yourselves, and here are a couple of stunning jokes for you :)

Student: Did you know diarrhea is hereditary?
Teacher: Well, actually it isn’t.
Student: Yes, it is, it runs in your genes.

Which jedi uses a sausage for a weapon?
Obi-wan Baloni

How did Vader know what Luke was getting for Xmas?
He felt his presents.

As many of you know, Mahatma Gandhi walked barefoot most of the time, this gave him very calloused feet. He also eschewed most worldly things, such as a rich diet, so he ate very little, which made him quite frail. His poor diet, however, also gave him pretty bad breath...
which made him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

Sorry :(

Get well soon both though!

Anonymous said...

It's CAKE wrecks, not TOUR wrecks! Damn you John! (Said completely sarcasticlly of course!)

Get well soon John! We're all pullin for a quick recovery so we can see your Welcome Hoom Cake! :)

Jenn, stay sane.. er... less insane

ArchTeryx said...

Having just recovered from major surgery, a month in the hospital and an internal infection of my own, I can say that there IS light at the end of the tunnel. If anyone understands the boredom and frustration of a hospital stay, it's me.

Get yourself better. Jen, you take good care of him. Tour be hanged -- we're still be here watching and laughing!

-- Dr. Cody Buchmann
National Cancer Institute
Retrovirologist, and...
Amateur cake decorator
(Run! Run for the hills!)

Anonymous said...

As a fan, I hereby demand that you guys get healthy as quickly as possible. I hope the publisher is paying hospital bills. Drink something warm, eat something green, and I'll eat some ugly cake for you.


PS Three guys walk into a bar. The fourth one ducks.

Helen said...

I live here in Dallas so if there's something I can do or help you with, please just e-mail me. I can't imagine being out of town and sick. I know you both must be miserable.

MarieC said...

I've never commented before, but have been following your blog for a long time and loving it. Wishing John a very speedy recovery, that his doctors may be able to address the infections and all will be well.

Sara said...

I'm so sad that I won't get to meet you in NY on Wednesday, but more importantly I hope you feel better John (and Jen too, if you're still feeling under the weather!!!) I hope you have a speedy recovery, and I'm sure you'll be feeling better soon!! Much love from northern Jersey! Hope to meet you at some point before I go off to college next year!! xoxox Sara

MomoMuldoon said...

Dear John,

A joke to cheer you up:

I used to be a ward clerk in an ICU, and there was this really arrogant cardiologist (imagine that, and arrogant cariologist? Huh.)It was my job to keep track of where the doctor's were so I could page them as needed.

So one day Dr. Arrogant comes in and announces he'll be out attending Rosh Hoshanna activities. (Imagine that, a jewish cardiologist? Huh.)Ignorant of all things jewish, I asked him, "Sooo, you'll be gone all day?"

He actually laughed. OK. That's not so funny, but you see, I didn't know that Rosh Hashanna was a day for confessing all your sins, soooooo.

Oh, never mind. I guess you had to be there. Oh, wait. You ARE there. Well, I know how boring, scary, uncomfortable it is in ICU...and that was at the unit desk. Imagine how bad it is for the patients!

So, I'm praying that you get well quickly and get out of the ICU. And I'm praying for Jen, too!

~ Joanne
Petaluma, CA....loved your visit here!!!!

Chelle said...

I'm so sorry you guys aren't feeling well and I hope this doesn't leave a bad taste in your mouth about visiting Texas...or seeing Texas shaped cakes! :) ahem, anyway...John - I hope they are treating you well in there and you get better soon! As far as my best joke...

Why did the chicken cross the playground?


to get to the other SLIDE!!! (still makes my laugh every time)

erinlou80 said...

I was looking forward to seeing you in KC, but get better both of you!!! Praying for you two!

absepa said...

Oh, that does stink for you was obvious from the photos that the tour stops were going really well. I will keep you both in my prayers.

Cathy said...

Oh dear, that really sucks. You've brightened my days so often, hope someone does that for you today.
Lots of thoughts and prayers for you both from South Africa.


Doctor Lucky said...

I'm so sorry, both of you. I've had pneumonia before, and it's terribly unpleasant. Get well soon!

As requested, here is my favorite joke.

Mahatma Ghandi...
* always walked barefoot or in sandals, so he had very tough skin on his feet,
* was elderly and sickly for most of the time he was famous,
* was Hindu and believed in spirits, and
* had a vegan diet.

You could say that he was a super-calloused fragile mystic hexed with halitosis. (ba-dum-crash!)

Jules said...

OMG a joke for John! (get well soon, guys! <3)

So three scientists- a biologist, a physicist, and a chemist- go to see the ocean for the first time.

The biologist decides he wants a closer look at the fish, so he walks out into the water.. and doesn't come back.

The physicist decides he wants to observe the movement of the waves, so he too walks into the water... and doesn't come back.

The chemist waits awhile, then finally writes the observation "Biologist and physicist are soluble in ocean water."


Have a few more:

What did the thermometer say to the graduated cylinder?

(You may have graduated, but I have many degrees!)

What does a female koala keep in her pouch?


and finally, my favourite groaner:

What do you call cheese that belongs to somebody else?

(Nacho cheese!)

I hope those gave you a giggle or two :D best wishes and healthy vibes sent to both of you!

Stephanie said...

Good thoughts and energy being sent to you from Canada! I hope you both feel better very soon!

As for a joke:

What's green and has eight wheels?

Grass. I lied about the wheels.

(How's that for a groaner?)

M.Biddle said...

I hope you two crazy kids are feeling better very soon. :(

Jessica said...

So sorry to hear you guys are sick! Get better soon!

I cant think of any jokes off hand (clean ones anyways...) but how about a true story?

My husband works with a guy who isn't the sharpest tool in the shed. So one day I had made hubby a turkey and bacon sandwich for work and being silly I put a sticker on the ziplock. Peta sends us lots of mail and I had this sticker with a pic of a pig that said 'Pigs are friends, not food'. Hubby said that this fellow was staring at his sandwich for a while and asked (completely serious) - "Peta sent you a sandwich?"

Kate said...

Jen and John- Hope you both get to feeling better soon! At least you're stuck in Dallas where you know that we all love you guys. If you need anything, you know you can lean on the Dallasite Cake Wreck readers because we're here!

Anonymous said...

I'm usually a lurker here but I just had to comment when I saw this! I'm so, so sorry, and I hope you both get well soon. :( I don't have a good joke, but I do have a link to this game that you can play + win in two minutes that makes you feel like a hero:

oddharmonic said...

I was bummed yesterday that I had to cancel going up to the Plano signing because our car radiator is leaking, but you are clearly having a worse time. I hope you're both feeling better soon!

If there's anything I can do to help make your stay easier, let me know; I'm available during the day and am right down the road from Presbyterian Hospital Plano.

Julie said...

Feel better John!

kathy said...

I am so sorry that you are both ill! I will say a prayer for both of you. It is so funny that people are posting links to funny websites when Cake Wrecks is my go-to website for instant laughs. I suppose you don't want to laugh at your own jokes though! lol.
This is my 7 year old son's favorite jokes:
Why did the cookie go to the doctor?
Because he was feeling crumby!

What did the fish say when he hit a wall?


I hope those brought you a smile! Get well soon! from Albuquerque, NM

TornadoBaby said...

Hey John and Jen, did you hear about the case of a man found bludgeoned to death with a porcelain figurine in a rice field?

It was the first case of a knick-knack paddy whack!

Maybe *that* would be a pretty scene on a cake... another addition to the cake diet!

WV: "amber" What I say with the cold turn in weather. "Hi mom and dad, I am berrrrr!"

Glindie said...

Oh no! :( My husband and I will be keeping up to date and wishing the best for both of you. Get well soon!

-The Peters

Lori said...

OK, I don't have a best joke, so I'll just tell my favorite bad jokes. (Everyone knows them, but they always makes me giggle.)

Guy walks into a bar. Ouch.

Two guys walk into a bar. Third one ducks.

Grasshopper walks into a bar. Bartender says, "Hey, you know we got a drink named after you?" Grasshopper says, "Really, you got a drink named Murray?"

Feel better!!!

boo said...

I am thinking very good thoughts for the both of you! Here is one of my faves - I suspect you will like it, John...

There were three Medieval kingdoms on the shores of a lake. There was an island in the middle of the lake, which the kingdoms had been fighting over for years. Finally, the three kings decided that they would send their knights out to do battle, and the winner would take the island.

The night before the battle, the knights and their squires pitched camp and readied themselves for the fight. The first kingdom had 12 knights, and each knight had 5 squires, all of whom were busily polishing armor, brushing horses, and cooking food. The second kingdom had 20 knights, and each knight had 10 squires. Everyone at that camp was also busy preparing for battle. At the camp of the third kingdom, there was only one knight, with his squire.

This squire took a large pot and hung it from a looped rope in a tall tree. He busied himself preparing the meal, while the knight polished his own armor. When the hour of the battle came, the three kingdoms sent their squires out to fight (this was too trivial a matter for the knights to join in).

The battle raged, and when the dust cleared, the only person left was the lone squire from the third kingdom, having defeated the squires from the other two kingdoms.

This just proves that the squire of the high pot and noose is equal to the sum of the squires of the other two sides.

Jennifer said...

So terrible to hear about how ill you two are! I wish you both a speedy recovery!

Christine said...

Joke for John:
Mr. Smith goes to the doctor's office to collect his wife's test results.

The lab technician says to him, "I'm sorry, sir, but there has been a bit of a mix-up and we have a problem. When we sent the samples from your wife to the lab, the samples from another Mrs. Smith were sent as well and we are now uncertain which one is your wife's. Frankly, it is either bad or terrible!"

"What do you mean?" said Mr. Smith.

"Well, one Mrs. Smith has tested positive for Alzheimer's and the other Mrs. Smith has tested positive for AIDS. We can't tell which is your wife."

"That's terrible! said Mr. Smith. Can we do the test over?"

"Normally, yes. But you have US Federal Health, and they won't pay for these expensive tests more than once."

"Well, what am I supposed to do now?" said Mr. Smith.

"Federal Health recommends that you drop your wife off in the middle of town. If she finds her way home, don't sleep with her."

tr3 said...

I was looking forward to seeing you today in Austin, but there will be other times. For now I just hope you're feeling better and that John recovers as soon as possible. It's pretty wretched being so sick so very far from home.

Sending lots of good thoughts and well wishes your way.


prego1 said...

Jen and John,
Wishing you both a quick recovery and a safe return home as soon as possible. Take care!

Christina, Steve, Clara and Elena said...

SO sorry - you just take care of yourselves, everyone else will understand.

Joke! What does a cow do for fun?

(the official answer is "Go to the MOOvies!" but the fun part in a hospital room is counting up how many other MOO answers you can come up with. For instance: "They like to MOOve it Moove it" "They MOOn people!" "Listen to MOOsic" etc.).

Let the corniness roll, and take good care.

Jules said...

Feel better, the both of you!! Hope the pneumonia & staph clear up soon, John!!

Anonymous said...

Jen and John,

Get well soon!
No worries about the tour, things will work out :)

Tabitha said...

Hope you both get to feeling better soon! You're in our thoughts and prayers.

QueenKatofTypos said...

Jokes for John:

Where do generals keep their armies? Up their sleevies!

UPS Air Cargo

Just in case you need a laugh:
Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high school diploma to fix one; a reassurance to those
of us who fly routinely in our jobs. After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a 'gripe sheet,' which
tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the
form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by
UPS ' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit
S: Something tightened in cockpit
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search
P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

And the best one for last
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

Aviatrix said...

Ohhh! I've never even seen a cake celebrating a staph infection. Do staph bacteria look at all like balloons?

My best joke is a couple of sentences out of an e-mail that someone sent me during a rough period in my life. It's even about baking.

"The first time I was making Nanaimo bars I used mustard powder instead of custard powder. It's amazing how much difference one letter can make in an ingredient."

vw: vationco - "being in hospital is no vationco!"

asthehind said...

Get well soon, both of you! Hospital is not cool. :( Here's a joke to relieve the boredom for you John:
One day, two weasels went into a bar. They sat down and ordered a few drinks, and as time went by, one of them got drunker and drunker. Suddenly he yelled to the other weasel at the top of his voice "I slept with your mother!" The whole bar went silent as everyone watched to see what the other weasel would do. But he didn't react at all, so the first weasel yelled louder "I SLEPT WITH YOUR MOTHER!!!" Finally, the second weasel turned to the first and calmly said "Go home Dad, you're drunk."

And this video always makes me laugh:

Best wishes from across the pond! :)
As the Hind

Persepolis said...

I hope both of you guys get well soon!

A feel better joke:

A screwdriver walks into a bar. Bartender goes, "Hey, we have a drink named after you." Screwdriver goes "Really? You have a drink named Steve?"

Okay, so it's funnier if I tell it...but I hope it makes you guys feel at least a little bit better!

<3 Jeni

MamaLemma said...

I'm so sorry to hear this! PLEASE get well soon! Good thoughts are coming your way ...

robyn said...

Thinking of and praying for both of you from Colorado! So sorry you've had to miss the rest of the book tour. Get well soon!

Anonymous said...

Hey John,

Hope you feel better soon.

In the mean time, here's my four year old son's favorite joke:

What did the banana say to the hot dog?

Nothing, bananas can't talk!

Anonymous said...

John and Jen-

I hope that you are feeling better soon!

John, my 4 year old daughter wanted me to send her favorite joke :-)

What is brown and sticky?






A Stick!!!

Susan said...

This is hard enough when you're at home, never mind on the road. Good luck!

AverageMom said...

Okay, post some hardcore requests for us...what can we do to make this easier for you both? Do you need hotel vouchers? Meal delivery? Paypal contributions? Don't be shy! Give us some work to do!!

spangle287 said...

How awful, thoughts and prayers are with you and I really hope that you are both better soon; as per instructions here is a joke that even incorporates cakes! Not sure if it will be publishable to the website...hope it makes you smile!

A newlywed couple moves into their new house. One day the husband comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, you know, in the upstairs bathroom one of the pipes is leaking, could you fix it?" The husband says, "What do I look like, Mr. Plumber?" A few days go by, and he comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, the car won't start. I think it needs a new battery. Could you change it for me?" He says: "What do I look like, Mr. Goodwrench?" Another few days go by, and it's raining pretty hard. The wife finds a leak in the roof. She says, "Honey, there's a leak on the roof! Can you please fix it?" He says, "What do I look like, Bob Vila?" The next day the husband comes home, and the roof is fixed. So is the plumbing. So is the car. He asks his wife what happened. "Oh, I had a handyman come in and fix them," she says. "Great! How much is that going to cost me?" he snarls. Wife says: "Nothing. He said he'd do it for free if I either baked him a cake or slept with him." "Uh, well, what kind of cake did you make?" asks the husband. "What do I look like," she says, "Betty Crocker?"

Lauren S. said...

Aw you poor things!! I hope you both recover very, very soon!

John, here's a joke for you:

Q: What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?

A: A nervous wreck!

(This joke didn't have 'cake' in it, but it did have 'wreck' in it! ha)

Aly said...

I'm sorry to hear about all the sicklies going around! Maybe we'll make our wreck-lica anyway and send a picture of it for you!

Missing you in KC
Aly and Jessi

Amy.mangos said...

That's the worst! I'm so sorry to hear about the staph infection, too! That's pretty much the last thing anyone needs, right next to pneumonia on the shitty illness list :-( Random recommendation: When I've been hospitalized for more than 48 hours, someone brings me movies (sometimes the nurses will even do it, but the selection is a bit random that way) and usually there's a way to watch them in your room. It always makes the time go faster for me than tv or internet, and you get a visitor, too!

We're sending healing vibes from Colorado! Rest up and get well ASAP!

Zoltar Panaflex said...

Prayers, rain dances, well wishes, and anything else required or desired for speedy-fast-recovery are YOURS.

Feel better!!!

Elle said...

This is my first comment. I just wanted to tell John that I hope you get to feeling better, and fast! I'm sorry you both got sick, and I hope you recover quickly.

Anonymous said...

Best of luck to both of you. Glad to see that you're getting care, John - staph is no joke.

My favorite hospital joke comes courtesy of Dr. WhiteCoat of WhiteCoat's Call Room, originally posted April 29, 2009 at and referenced a woman showing up at the Emergency Department for one of the stupidest reasons I've ever read. Mosquito bite. The awesome part is below, interaction between the nursing supervisor and Dr. WhiteCoat:

“You could have at least told her that she didn’t have encephalitis.”
“I could have told her she didn’t have any diseases, but I couldn’t prove it,” I replied.
“You could prove that she didn’t have encephalitis.”
“Not without doing a lumbar puncture or blood tests. Besides, nothing is going to show up that early, anyway.” I was too irritated to see that I was being set up.
He nodded his head smugly.
“OK, smart guy, how can you exclude an inoculation with encephalitis based solely on a clinical exam?”
“Simple anatomy. In order to have encephalitis, you have to have a brain.”

Natalie said...

Ugh! Our family's spent quite some time in hospitals this year. It's no fun. Keep your chin up and remember even when you feel your crappiest, there's a lot of perfect strangers out there praying and pulling for you. You two are dearly loved.

Tasteless (but clean) jokes:

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs sitting on a porch?


What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs leaning against a wall?


What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs who goes for a swim?


What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs sitting in a pile of leaves?


Get well, please. We look forward to seeing your "Weclome Home underneat that John!!!" cake.

Anonymous said...

What's the best way to carve wood?

Whittle by whittle.

What do you call 4 bullfighters in quicksand?

Quatro cinco.

(Yea for Laffy Taffy jokes).

Barbara said...

Dear Jen and John,
What a complete drag, to be stuck in the hospital with a staph infection - and Jen talking to Ralph on the porcelain phone. John, assuage your boredom by reading these pirate laws. Good for a chuckle, and laughing improves your immune system. Really. After a good belly laugh, you can do anything, with anyone, in a ditch, and not catch anything.
Barb, from Calgary, Alberta

Linda said...

I was just telling this the other day; I will tell it again.

Farmer wants to increase his dairy cows' milk output. Approaches some scientists.

Biologist says he can increase production by ten percent with special breeding practices. "Pretty good," says the farmer.

Chemist says he can increase product by fifty percent with special food supplements. "Pretty good," says the farmer.

Physicist says, "I can increase your output by a factor of ten." "Wow!" says the farmer. "That sounds great! How do I do it?"

"Okay," says the physicist. "Assume a spherical cow."

StefRobrts said...

Get well soon!

Lisa said...

Oh NO! Both of you get well soon!

Denise said...

I hope you both feel better soon. In the meantime, a joke:

What do you call it when someone with OCD breaks into your house and rearranges everything?

Organized Crime.

Also, I highly recommend reading this. It's very long, which is why I'm not posting it here myself, but the ending is so worth it.

(In other news, I'm having trouble with OpenID. Is it just me, just LiveJournal, or is anyone else having a problem?)

Stacey said...

Holy pickles... The world tour can wait, or come some other time; we'll always be here. Y'all's health is incredibly important, and all your readers know that. Please feel better soon.

Super Alto said...

Oh, no! I hope you both recover quickly!

(Edna & Beth from the Petaluma stop)

Courtney C. said...

OK so here goes my best attempt at a joke: Two cupcakes are baking in the oven. One turns to the other and says, "Is it hot in here to you?" The other turns back and says, "Oh my God! A talking cupcake!!!"

Bahahahaha. :)
Hope you both get lots better! I'm from the Dallas area so I know you guys are in good hands.
God Bless.

WV: geliptin: where you keep your chapstick ??(I tried...)

HV said...

You poor things - I hope you're both back to 100% tout de suite.

If you're looking for things to occupy your time, my friend's dad has a blog at, where he complies tons of weird/interesting/funky stuff from the web. Games, too.

And finally, my current favorite joke:

What does a vegetarian zombie eat?


Megan said...

Get well soon, you two! Don't worry, I'm sure people understand.

Colleen said...

Please get well soon, Jen and John! I hope you will come to Austin when y'all are better. :-)

A joke I heard the other day on reruns of Top Chef:

Knock knock!
Who's there?
Smell mop
Smell mop who?

It's much more effective when you say it out loud.

wait for it...wait for it...
Get it? :-)

Best wishes for a speedy recovery!

Austin, TX

Anonymous said...


You guys are awesome and i hope you two get better super fast.

If you get bored, check out and look through some of the articles, they're pretty cool.

get well!

kelly said...

Two snowmen are standing in a field. The first snowman sniffs, and looks at the second.
" you smell carrots?"

Feel better, both of you!

Tiffany said...

oh my goodness..So sorry this had to happen in Dallas. I wish John a very speedy recovery and hope you feel better soon too Jen!

Alli L. said...

John! You need to rest! Comments can wait! ;)
Hope you guys feel better, I know how you feel. I'm sick in bed with my laptop right now.
Wouldn't it be ironic if you guys got a get well soon cake that turned out to be a wreck?
Feel better soon!
-Alli L.

Bonnie Adkins said...

Hope you guys get better soon and get home soon!

Adams Family Album said...

Prayers for you both!

AlisonH said...

I spent nearly a month out of this year in the hospital. I know how vital reading my blog comments was to me, how it kept me feeling connected to the land of the living out there and how cared about I felt and what a difference that made. My prayers just went up for both of you, for your doctors, and for your nurses. We're all in this life stuff together.

Get well soon. I did, it's your turn. Hang in there!

Hyla said...

A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?”

The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead.” There is a silence, then a shot is heard.

The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: “OK, now what?“

the other lion said...

What do a duck and a bicycle have in common?

They both have handlebars .... except for the duck!

Get well soon!

Chamuca said...


Here's to hot nurses giving you sponge baths.

Get Well Soon!

Sorry, Jen. =)

Hyla said...

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson go on a camping trip. After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep.

Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend. “Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.”

“I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes” replies Watson.

“And what do you deduce from that?”

Watson ponders for a minute. “Well,

Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.

Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo.

Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three.

Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.

Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe.

But what does it tell you, Holmes?”

Holmes is silent for a moment.

“Watson, you idiot!” he says. “Someone has stolen our tent!”

Meredith said...

I was so surprised when I heard the news this morning.
Please reschedule for Austin, it's a wonderful city that you shouldn't miss.

Can I suggest an online version of your Wreplica contest? I must admit I'm proud of my naked-mohawk baby jockeys. Can you believe they sell those at Hobby Lobby?

Get Well Soon!

Kati said...

Wow, you must have a bajillion comments by now to look through! I love reading your blog, and following the cake tour (I'm from the UK, and was salivating at the pictures of all the cakes)....Hope you are both feeling better, and here's something I got from Twitter (@Dotwinter)-

It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to cry on a giraffe's head.

Weeping Phoenix said...

So this duck walks into the bar. He walks up to the bartender, and he asks "Got any grapes?" The bartender says "No." The duck leaves.

The next day, the same duck walks back into the same bar. He again asks the barkeep., "Got any grapes?" Again the man says "No." The duck, feeling a little dejected, leaves.

The next day, the same ducks walks back into the same bar. Before he can open his beak, the bartender says, "Listen, you crazy duck. This is a bar. We have Miller Lite on special and Pomeritas, but we don't have any grapes. If you ask me that again, I'm going to nail you flipping feet to the barroom floor." The duck, clearly sensing that the bartender has anger management issues, leaves.

The next day, the duck walks back into the bar. He walks up to the bartender and says "Got any nails?"

"Uh, no..." says the bartender.

"Got any grapes?"

Sending best wishes for a speedy recovery your way. Feel better soon!

Kimberly Chapman said...

Here are pics of the cupcake I would have brought today, so hopefully this cheers you guys up a bit:

Because let's admit it: all cake decorators secretly want to see Kerry Vincent crying.

PS the captcha for this comment is kereat. I don't think Ker wants to eat Stevie's cake. :D

David said...

We hope it's nothing too serious! Hopefully not if John's still modding from the bed ;o)
Get better, y'all!

skatej said...

I have family in the dallas area if you need anything. You can email me through my blog, I think. Hope you aren't stuck in Oak Cliff!

Kathi in NJ said...

Feel better!

Lyn Never said...

Oh no! I hope you're both feeling better very soon. I hope by now you've got plenty of local contacts for anything you need, but if you need anything I'm in north Dallas and happy to help any way I can - email if there's anything I can do.

Anonymous said...

Giraffe walks into a bar and says: "Highballs are on me!"

Get well!!

Jodie said...

So a young man and a young woman get married. On their wedding night, the blushing bride asks for $20 before the, well... you know. Her husband thinks this is strange, but, maybe it's all part of a great role-play game, so he plays along and hands her $20 before they REALLY become man and wife.

The years go by, and the wife has always asked for $20 before she would let him touch her. This wasn't a problem since by now the husband was doing well and had a great business.

After 37 years, the husband came home one night, looking sullen, gray and very unhappy. Worried, the wife asks what is wrong...

"Oh, my dear wife. The business is bankrupt. We have nothing... such horrible times we have fallen on. Off to the poor house for us - I am so sorry."

His wife smiles sweetly and coos "Dear, you have no need to worry. You know how I always asked for $20 before I would let you touch me? Well, for all these years, I have taken each of those $20 bills and invested. We now have $5.3 million."

The husband jumped up, grabbed his wonderful wife in his arms and incredulously exclaimed: "Well hot damn! If I had known you were doing that, I would have given you ALL my business!!!" ...

She is now sipping Chi-Chis on the shores of Hawaii with Tommy, the pool boy.

Get better you two ;)

Mary said...

Sorry to hear about ickiness. Hope all is well soon. In the meantime, get ready to hyperventilate with laughter. You might want to call a nurse just to be safe. Ready? Here goes.

What do you call a row of rabbits hopping backwards?

A receding hareline!!

Thank you, thank you. I'll be here all week. There's a two IV cover charge. Tip your waitress.

fuzzandfuzzlet said...

Oh that is horrible. Speedy recover to you both.

Enjoy being in Dallas when the Cowboys beat up on the Donkeys today!! If you are really bored you can see how annoyed the nurses are if you hit the call button during the most exciting parts of the game ;)

Haiku Joy said...

Pirate's steering helm
jutting from his pants. He said:
"Sbeen driving me nuts!"

May your recoveries be better than my jokes!

Anonymous said...

Sorry to hear the gremlins got to you. I rarely post comments but am a big CW fan. Wishing you both a speedy recovery.
Best wishes from near Toronto, ON

PS Here's my favourite joke:
Q: What is the difference between a duck?
A: It only has one leg!

Sophie-and-Bryce said...

I am so sad to hear about you guys being sick!!!!!

John ~ please try to get lots of rest and let your body heal -- even as stressful as it is being away from home.

Jen ~ stay strong, and allow yourself to rest as much as you can, as well.


What's the average body temperature of a tauntaun?


Luke warm. :D


I used to have a boyfriend with a wooden leg.
What happened?
I broke it off.

*ba dum bum ching!

Screaming Grasshopper said...

I absolutely love this blog! I am heart-sick (sorry...punny) that you are both sick and away from home! I am praying for the two of you to have a speedy & complete recovery!

Now I have pressure to think of a good joke! Hmmmm.......


Shauna said...

Two muffins are sitting in an oven. One muffin turns to the other and says, "Is it just me or is it getting hot in here?" The other muffin says, "HOLY CRAP A TALKING MUFFIN!!!"

I hope you get well soon John!


violarulz/ducksandbooks said...

I'm sorry to hear you're both not feeling well! I'm sending you lots of e-hugs and e-chicken soup (your choice of rice, matzo ball, or noodles)!

The Parent Family Homeschool said...

Get well soon, we need these laughs in life.........

Christy said...

Focus on getting better. That's all that matters.

Cake Addicted Yogi said...

Get well soon! I will be dedicating my yoga practice to you today :)

The Rylants said...

Jen & John-
Our thoughts are with you guys! Get better soon and Im sure all the wreckies understand about the cancellations.
Our best jokes-

From Howie (he's 10)- What side of the chicken has the most feathers?

The outside!

From Ethan (he's 5)Why was the broom late?

It over swept!

Feel better soon guys.
The Rylants

Louise M said...

Another one following your tour from Britain - get well soon both of you. Take care of yourselves.


Jen said...

Also a first time commenter--love the blog, it's always the first one I read in my daily blogroll. Hope all is well soon!

Why did the elephant paint himself different colors?

He wanted to hide in the crayon box.

What's black and shiny and very dangerous?

A crow with a machine gun.

One more: What do you get if you cross an elephant with a kangaroo?

Great big holes all over Australia.

Hang in there!

Jen in Cincinnati

Crystal said...

I am so sorry that the tour had to end like this. You seemed like you were having a ball. I hope that you both recover quickly.

This is a really stupid joke that my corny Dad loved to tell us when we were kids:

If athletes get athlete's foot, what do astronauts get?

missile toe!

Hyla said...

A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer.

His friend says: “Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man.”

The man then replies: “Yeah, well we were married 35 years.”

Hyla said...

When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300°C.

The Russians used a pencil.

Amanda Smiley said...

Oh my! I hope that you both get well soon. You both are in my thoughts and prayers!

Anonymous said...

Get well soon!

John, This joke is especially fun when you are trapped in a small space with someone who has to be extra nice to you. Say, the ICU?

Knock, knock

Who's there?

The interrupting cow.

The interrupti--



Hyla said...

Two fish in a tank.

One turns to the other and says “Do you know how to drive this?”

What do you call a monkey in a minefield ?

A Baboom !

A scientist and a philosopher were being chased by a hungry lion. The scientist made some quick calculations, he said “it's no good trying to outrun it, its catching up”.

The philosopher kept a little ahead and replied “I am not trying to outrun the lion, I am trying to outrun you !”

Which day of the week do fish hate?.......


RevAnne said...

Feel better soon, both of you!

Lauren said...

Feel better soon John & Jen! Jen, it was great meeting you were such a trooper with everything going on!

Julie said...

OMG what terrible luck! Hope everything clears up quickly and you are out of ICU and back home to Maine to recoop. Joke? The only ones I remember are from my high school days, and not really appropriate for mixed audiences.

lois said...

First of all, I'm SO sorry, and I'm praying for you guys. Now my daughter's favorite two jokes.

What is the difference between the sun and a loaf of bread?

The sun rises in the east, and the bread rises with the yeast.

What is the difference roast beef and pea soup?

You can roast beef, but you can't pee soup!

Rachele said...

Get well soon! Prayers coming at you from Oregon :-)

The corner shop baker was a true artist when it came to making birthday cakes. One customer asked him "can you make a birthday cake for my wife, she's an optician?" He agreed and produced a birthday cake in the perfect detail of a winking eye.

His next customer said " can you make a birthday cake for my husband, he's a dentist." He agreed and produced a cake in the shape of an open mouth, including the teeth and tongue.

At that moment another customer began to leave his shop, when the baker asked "can I help you?" The lady turned and said"no, I don't think so,it's my husband birthday today, but he's a gynaecologist".

Frank Alejano said...

Sorry to hear you guys got sick here in Dallas. We went to see Jen yesterday and had a great time. My kids (ages 6 & 3) love looking through the book (they keep fighting over it), and decided the dolphin/army guy cake was their fave. Take care!

Michele Hays said...

If a clock is hungry does it go back four seconds?

Get well soon, John and Jen! Doubly sad I didn't make it out to Skokie last week...

Celia said...

So sorry you're sick John. We live near Dallas, so if a piece of cake would help you, we could bring that over any time. Our Jr. Wreckanator could also make you any wreck-lica you desire. Jen, hope you stomach bug is just the 24 hr kind. It's been going around the area.

We are headed to a birthday party, with cake, so we will have some for you and dance in the rain and smear icing on each other to speed your recovery along.

Celia Stogner
Commerce Texas

Becky Bard said...

Here's some virtual chicken soup comin' your way. Speedy recovery for both of you!

Jenni said...

I've been following your blog and wish the best for both of you. Being sick and far away from home is not fun at all. ):

So two drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff.
Ba-dum chhhh.

tracy said...

I hope you guys will get well!

Anonymous said...

i have a cuter joke (probably funnier), but it's this will have to do:

what did zero say to eight?

(scroll down for the answer)

meanwhile, sorry to hear of your sicknesses. one of our baseball players had pneumonia this summer and also ended up with staph infection. he was quickly on the mend after diagnosis and is back to his old self now. take care.

answer to riddle: "nice belt"

tia (dedicated reader of your blog--have never posted or sent in a pic.)

LJ said...

Oh, Jen and John - the lengths you'll go to for publicity! I mean, really ... would the tour have been THAT tough? Perhaps the lure of the splendid hospital food proved too much? (Written with tongue firmly planted in cheek, mind you). ;-)

Regardless, sending many, many prayers and hopes for a swift recovery for you both. Take care!


The Quirky Confectioner said...

Jen and John I hope you both get well really speedily. Most importantly look after yourselves!!!

Riley Joy said...

Get well soon! *sends good vibes* Been following your blog for a while... But health comes before wreckage of course!! Again, get well soon. :)

Emily said...

There were 2 muffins in an oven. One muffin turns to the other and says, "Boy, it's getting hot in here." The other muffin says,


Anonymous said...

Jen and John,
Here's a college football joke to get your spirits up:
An Iowa fan, a Drake fan, an ISU fan, and a UNI fan are standing on a cliff arguing about who is the bigger fan. The UNI fan says "I'm the biggest fan and I'll prove it!" He runs to the edge of the cliff, jumps, and yells "For UNI!!" The ISU fan, not to be outdone, runs to the edge, swan dives , and yells "For ISU!" Now the Drake fan and the Iowa fan are left. The Iowa fan turns to the Drake fan, kicks him off the edge of the cliff and yells "FOR IOWA!!!"
Can you tell where I go to school?
Feel better you two!
Sabrina Rose,
Iowa City, Iowa

Rebecca said...

Hope you are both better soon.

Here's my joke:

Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo Drizzle

That's all I got.

Morgan the Muse said...

Please to get well soon. You've ate too much cake, apparently. Must have been all the CC's catching up to you.

Samantha Suzuki Photography said...

Praying for your quick recovery...both of you. We all understand and just want you both healthy!

And since you're stuck in Texas...

What do a Texas Tornado and a Texas divorce have in common?

Either way, someone's gonna lose a trailer.


Feel better!

anna said...

Oh no! Get well soon!

Marlena said...

Oh man, leave it to Dallas to try to kill your husband! I was at the signing yesterday at Legacy Books and I was so sad to hear about John.

I hope you both get well soon! I LURVE the book. It's teh awesome!

Headless Mom said...

Oh no! Prayers for a quick recovery and good friends to help.

Lily said...

I'm so sorry you guys are sick! I'll be praying for both of you. You two are both soo hilarious, I love this blog. My family thinks I'm crazy, talking about cakes all the time.

Oh and I have some jokes. Someone might have already said them but I'm too lazy to read like 400 comments. I know these are pretty lame...I have majorly dorky humor.

What do you call two superheros that have been hit by a steam roller?
Flatman and Ribbon! bahahaha.

A dyslexic man walked into a bra.


As it turns out, I only know 2 jokes. I will ask my facebook friends for more and post them when i get them. Because..I have a lot of time on my hands.

~~Lily Abigail.

Marie said...

SO sorry you guys are sick! I hope you both have a speedy recovery!

What's invisible and smells like carrots?

Bunny farts!

Anonymous said...

I'm so sorry to hear this news and hope you're both feeling better quickly.

--Melissa in Austin

Cheryl said...

Oh, I'm so sorry! Staph is nasty! My favorite joke is pretty dumb.

What do you get when you kiss a canary?


Promise said...

Jen and John, I will be keeping both of you in my prayers!

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