Thursday, May 28, 2009

Purging the Evil Within

Thursday, May 28, 2009

There was a time when I was accused of excessive harping on the evil that is the Cupcake Cake (CCC, for short). So, I piped down (pun intended). However, since more of you newbie Wrecktators are asking me what a CCC is, I believe the time has come for a refresher course. I can't have you lackeys out there fighting Wreckage you don't fully understand, now, can I?

Now gather 'round, and prepare to have your innocence shattered.

Behold!


Just look at this hulking terror, poised to pounce on common decency and smother it with its blue-smeared putrescence. Back away slowly, now, and no one will get hurt.

Remember ol' Stay-Puft? Well, he's got nothing on Blueberry Sherry here:

She looks ready to stomp her way downtown and gobble up some taxi cabs, doesn't she? I particularly like the concave face, though: it lends a little "Le Neanderthal Chic".

Since most large chain bakeries require their bakers to make CCCs, decorators have learned to cope with these horrors in a variety of ways.

Some have a blinding sense of ambition...

"I will make a football out of cupcakes. I WILL!!!"

Others try to hide their shameful creations any way they can:

"Cupcake Cake? Where? I don't know what you mean; this here is just a simple layer cake. With candles. Yep, no cupcakes here! La Tee Da..."

A few remain in classic stages of denial:

"It is a sheet cake. It IS!
Now hand me that bucket of 'Happy Birthday' picks; I think I missed a spot.
"

And finally, some decorators have clearly been pushed beyond the bounds of sanity, but at least they're having a ripping-good time:

[maniacal giggling]


Kristi M., Vanessa H., Laura H., Sharon P., Jeremy P., Misty K., & Regina H., I think we need to step up our Anti-CCC efforts. These things are getting worse!

Anonymous said...

I must admit that I quite like the watermelon one (if that's what it is...)

The Lili Effect said...

CCC - PATOOEY!

Kaylee said...

Is it bad that as soon as I read "putrescence" I started envisioning the Princess Bride....

Merrie said...

What is that CCC at the bottom? Is that supposed to be a slice of watermelon?

Margaret said...

If you had to make a choice, the birthday cake with candles wouldn't be so bad for a children's party. Maybe oh never mind.

Blablover5 said...

Damn looks like I got scooped all the way back in April. I sent in the same blueberry CCC just about as soon as it made the bakery.

http://intbride.blogspot.com/2009/04/picture-day-day-145.html

Kinda scary to think there's someone else out there hanging out at the same grocery store.

Passion Fruit said...

I really did have a good snorgle at the last one! The kind of laugh that provoked the high pitched squeaks and snorts. It was so, so good.

My word these people have out done themselves this time. The white...areas...behind the lovely lillies are quite ingenious. I took a while to realise that it was, in fact, a CCC and when I saw the tactics used to make those stems look slender and elegant, I nearly doubled over laughing.

May be Blueberry Sherry is supposed to be Violet Beauregarde (Charlie and the Chocolate Factory) in a reallly bad mood.

WV: Prophy -- I prophy that one day we shall exorcise the demons of stupity!

Dearness said...

Oh my. What IS that last one? Is it supposed to be a slice of watermelon? With a fork stuck in it?!

Anonymous said...

Is that a tooth pick on the mauled and mutated watermellon?

Amber K said...

What is that bottom green and red CCC supposed to be??

Barbara said...

What the heck is the last one??!! An attempt of a slice of watermelon? ahahah!

i FREAKIN' LOVE your blog, i read it every day!!!

Ciao from Italy!

Barbara

Katy said...

The plastic utensil in the watermelon brings a whole new level of improperly used flotsam to the game.

Michelle said...

Oh. MY. GOSH!

That diseased caterpillar larvae on the end made me a little sick to my stomach...


(first post, but I adore this site! Thanks Jen!)

Haiku Joy said...

Melon ameobas!
Cytoplasmic cupcakes
Are a new species!

Haiku Joy said...

Blueberry Sherry
Splayed with pomp and circumstance.
Poor cupcake ankles!

Haiku Joy said...

So many questions.
Irises? Monster's vomit?
Unveiled WMDs?

Kelly said...

Ptooi! Vile, creepy wanna-bes! I'm not quite sure what that last one is supposed to be - half-eaten watermelon slice? - but I don't think the decorator knew either, so at least we're even!

Half Assed Kitchen said...

Do I want to know what that last one is? Cuz I've tipped my laptop every which way and can't figure it out.

Angie (from over at www.HalfAssedKitchen.com)

Wendy said...

is that last one supposed to be a watermelon?? I actually sorta like the yellow "layer" cake with candles.(god help me...)

Amanda said...

I will never understand the appeal of CCC's or why people claim them to be less mess.

Rocky (Racquel) said...

wow. Thanks to these CCCs I suddenly have an aversion to watermelon. And flowers. And everything beautiful in nature.

Anonymous said...

Nothing says "Congratulations Graduate!" like a lumpy, sunburned, sausage-fingered angry giant with awesome bowling shoes!

Hotch Potchery said...

It is incredibly sad that I like the watermelon one.

sob.

Anonymous said...

I despise these things!! Stupidest waste of icing resources!

That half eaten watermelon made me laugh out loud, after I realized it wasn't a fetus taking a nap in a green hammock. Stabbed with a plastic fork.
Wow.
Even if that was recognizable, who wants a representation of other food types, that have already been EATEN. Its one step from poo cake. And disgusting.

Alex

Natalie said...

The CCC works twofold on me: I am both confused and disgusted. (Furrowing my brow and cocking my head) I just don't understand. Especially the last one. Is it a cactus flower? Is it a Christmas CCC? Is it an abstract?

The only good thing about CCCs is that they make great material for Cake Wrecks! Wreck on!

Linda said...

I am a cake decorator and I REFUSE to make these CCC's no matter what my manager says. Our sister store makes them so I send the customers to them if I cant talk them out of it.

Love the commentary as usual!!

l said...

is it just me or does that football look like labia?

Cakedreamer said...

Ouch. I'm hurting for the graduate who received that CCC. "Really. You think I look like that..."

Yikes.

Fluffy Cow said...

Can't.
Stop.
Laughing...

and uh... what's with the sad little green cupcake next to the football??? WITH A PLASTIC PICK!!!

WF- comallyc. This is the most comallyc blog I know.

Anonymous said...

Why would you get that last CCC when you could so easily get a perfectly good watermelon that did not look mangled plus a perfectly good proper cake that did not look mangled? Why, oh why?

Oh dear, I've lost it and need to take my zatencen (today's word verification that inspired thoughts of copyrighting and selling it to a drug company).

tracy said...

I must confess that I don't mind the one with the candles and, if the icing wasn't scraped off of one of the irises, I would like that one too.

there, I said it.

kris... said...

What in thee heck is that last one supposed to be???

Doug Warren said...

I don't think that is a watermelon. I really think it is an alien fetus...but I could be mistaken.

2horseygirls said...

The watermelon one wouldn't have been half as bad except for the one missing (or was that supposed to represent a bite out of the watermelon?).

And the birthday cake with candles was probably the best attempt at CCC that I've seen - it would be cute for a kids's party, as someone mentioned.

I once made the Very Hungry Caterpillar out of cupcakes, but they were individually frosted - it wasn't a CCC.

Long time reader, very infrequent poster :)

Emma9405 said...

I was at a 9-year-old's birthday party this weekend, and they got a CCC. I kept giggling to myself at the Wreckage...it kept me entertained all day long. Today's post could not have come at a better time. I'm a relatively new reader, but am totally addicted.

Lisa said...

At first I thought the last one was suppose to be a man lounging in a hammock - do you see it? Then I realized it had to be a piece of watermelon because the "artist" had not put a face on the lounging man. ;)

Anonymous said...

Is that last pic a watermelon???? What a terrible attempt at a CCC! What was that decorator thinking? A four year old could piece together a better shaped watermelon slice!

Donna said...

I can picture some innocent child looking at the first one and screaming in terror.

That last one looks like a mutant amoeba.

CCCs for some reason are popular at the store where I work. They even have a special section in the cake case. I have had a couple decent ones (I've already submitted pictures, but they haven't been used yet), but I have seen some pretty horrid ones too, especially when the "home team" is in the finals (Go Blackhawks! Hockey stick/puck CCC anybody? lol)

Anonymous said...

I wonder what a square cupcake pan would do to solve this problem?

Kat said...

Hah, Passion Fruit beat me to it; the first thing I thought about the grad, uh, "cake" was "Violet, you're turning Violet!"

Jammies said...

I like the watermelon one. Of course, I have a watermelon pedicure right now, so I'm biased.

The first one, though--are those supposed to be golf bags?

jen bryner said...

"maniacal giggling" had me laughing so hard!!! and the FORK! holy cow, brought tears to my eyes from laughter! love it, love it, love it :)

Kristen said...

I think the coloring on the rotten watermelon slice is off. That is supposed to be rotten, right?

Timmi said...

my 4 year old said blueberry sherry was very scary. I think she may be scared for life.

Anonymous said...

that last one is definitely a fetus, except that it's porous like a sponge. hmmm

Real Food, Real World said...

That watermelon has a vaguely fetal look to it. Enough to be truly, deeply disturbing. And yet I keep going back to look at it.

SwedenAnna said...

Ok even the ccc´s looks better then the swedish cakes! :/ Its my birthday and all, and all I get is a stinky Swedish one. I want an American cake now! (One of the Sunday sweets, Stargate edition.)

Ellie-Jayne Designs said...

My 4 year old's comment on the first picture "The snowmen are melting mommy, can they be fixed?!"

Sorry, honey, nothing can fix a cupcake cake.

~Amy

Yota Armai said...

Quoth the watermelon, "Stick a fork in me I'm done! Well except for the odd shape, and the umm big hole that looks nothing like someone took a bite out of me."

That is unless the wreckator was going for something a little bit Salvador Dali on a bad day.

Too all you newbies out there - This site is addictive. When I found it I went through every single post in a matter of two days, I just couldn't believe the wrecks. Consider yourself warned.

WV: funkiti - I'll admit I'm at a loss, but I like saying it, funkiti!

Amy said...

The evil graduate is just plain scary.
~Amy B

StuffCooksWant said...

LOVE the Violet Beauregarde comment...that is one F-ug-a-lee cakeish-type thing.

Tiggy said...

I thought the last CCC photo was a cross-section of a intestinal tumor.

Great for a med student, not so great for Great-Aunt Florence.

Anonymous said...

Is it just me or does that last one look like Snoopy resting in bed, with a bad case of measles or chicken pox? And they stuck a fork in him - he's done!

Anonymous said...

A CCC made to look like a birthday cake (complete with candles at that!)-- there seems to be something terribly wrong here... after all why would one take a real cake and decorate it to look like a cake?? but I guess CCC are not "real" cakes. but... who would want a birthday cake that is decorated to be a birthday cake? I don't get it. Maybe we need a course in the Philosophy of CCC!

kikimama said...

Lol, think I'm glad CCCs don't seem to have made it here to Scotland yet!

Love the pretending 'it's not a CCC' ones!

wv - dested - these cakes dested the bakers' abilities beyond their limits.

Krissy said...

I'm so glad somebody else noticed the lone green cupcake in with the "football." Did the customer request just one green one stuck in there too?

Kristin aka kjnohr aka Trekkie Gal said...

I used to love cupcakes...then I started reading this blog and I realized the horrible ways that they could be used. Such a shame!

Kat said...

Did anyone else notice the Happy Birthday letter candles on the bottom of the first iris CCC?

Well, maybe I should say, the "appy ......... brthday" candles.

Why the missing letters? Why the large space between the words? Why, why, why?

I also vote to change CCC to CCCC or 4C for short, as I think we need to add "Catastrophe" to the acronym.

Melissa (& Billy) said...

Now, the 'birthday cake' one is just about the only CCC I would say hit the mark. It's actually quite clever and cute!

However, the rest are sufficiently wrecky enough to make me run screaming for the hills. Especially the one under a RAINBOW SHEET of icing, like someone put food coloring into a street paver and just mowed over the top of the poor cupcakes...and then added insult to injury with the Happy Birthday picks.

The horror. THE HORROR!

malmow said...

I love the random green cupcake beside the football one.

Belle Epoque said...

Love dat fiendish graduate cake...

MaryBe said...

The graduation one reminded me of a buccaneer pirate...I don't know why!

Anonymous said...

Cupcakes are cute. Cupcake cakes are what nightmares are made of.

That one there....I don't know what it is, but a football it is not!

Becky

wv: dedatch - Someone should dedatch those cupcakes, they are not ment to form shapes.

Stacie said...

Watermelon? I thought that last one was a sick baby shower CCC: "Congratulations on getting knocked up! Here's a cake showing what your fetus looks like in your uterus!" Too graphic?

Aleesuhn_Muhree said...

Wow. . . Just wow. . .

CorningNY said...

That last one...my immediate thought was that it was a fetus in a weird sick green womb. Watermelon? Other than the colors--nope!

Hyena Overlord said...

Awwww and there's a poor little legitimate cupcake jammed in with the football cake. Which incidently caused the term "Frankenvulva" to come to my mind.

wv: achippif..the little green cupcake certainly isn't a chippif the old block.

Kamity said...

That watermelon one reminds me of some kind of cross between these ...

(the watermelon cupcake cake)
http://cakewrecks.blogspot.com/2008/09/great-cupcake-cake-debate-continues.html

http://cakewrecks.blogspot.com/2008/08/gosh-kermit-i-think-id-get-that-looked.html

Yikes.

Anonymous said...

The problem (well, one of them) with the "cute cake with candles" is not so much the fact that its a CCC, I think it has more to do with the 6 inches of icing to hide the fact that its a CCC.

Why decorate a cake to be a....cake? Is it really so hard to cut off a slice?!?

Becky

Carrie said...

As I was looking at your post, my 3 yr old came in as I scrolled down to the "graduate" CCC, and his first reaction was, "It's a monster!! It's going to get me!" Now if that doesn't describe a CCC, I don't know what will.

shadowsofmymind said...

Lol...It's hard to believe this kind of thing is ever created, even by accident. I wonder what goes through their little minds - "Oh, this looks fine....right?"

Ingeborg said...

The half-eaten watermelon is kind of cute. Don't hate me!
The first one is horrendous, though. why use cupcakes for flowers? It makes no sense. No sense, I say!

Kit said...

CCCs are a terrible idea (unlike cupcake mosaics, which are awesome), but the stripey one is kind of nice. I mean, it's stripey, looks kind of like a waving flag b/c of the cupcake bumps and has all the convenience and yum of being made of cupcakes. I mock them all, but I could get behind waving flag CCCs. At last, something they genuinely look like!

thingsmymothersaid said...

Watermelon? That's one freaky, mutated, EVIL watermelon.

Milton said...

Do I want to know how they make square tops of icing for CCCs?

WV: dedge - the thin, thin line that a cake crosses when going from simply bad to wreck-tastic

RockandrollBride said...

Blueberry Sherry looks positively evil!!!!

Cindy said...

I think it's hilarious that the Watermelon is like a rorschach test. So what does it say about me that I saw a man in lying on a really uncomfortable therapy couch?

...and about you alien fetus people?

Jessica said...

I wish I knew what they were thinking when the added the random green cupcake to the 'football' ccc.

jamison3boys said...

my son was behind me when we scrolled over the...uuhhh...football ccc and he said, "what's that?!?!" I almost peed my pants! he's on his way to wreckporting...(sniffles)...makes a mother proud.

Morgan said...

Now, is it ALL CCCs you're opposed to, or just the wrecked ones? Because I quite like a CCC done with taste and aplomb.

I do admit I fear to think how the creators of these CCCs would translate "taste" and "aplomb."

JoMama said...

That last one looks like fallopian tubes smothered in green icing...ick

The "football" looks like a giant cow turd

While I am a HUGE fan of icing & can appreciate (in theory) the CCC's use of copious amounts of frosting, but in reality? Not so much because they are SO FREAKING UGLY!!!!!!!!!!

ErinB said...

I thought the last one was cacti with it's flower...not a watermelon, but I'm not a CCC expert.

Nick said...

What on earth is that last monstrosity? My first impression was that of a poorly rendered bright red fetus lying comfortably on a pea green uterine hammock. That can't be right . . . can it?

Anonymous said...

I love how they drew the fingernails on the wrong side of "Blueberry Sherry's" hands. That, or they chopped off her hands and put them on the wrong sides!

-Michelle

AutumnJade said...

I have been defiled Jen! My eyes my eyes!

Scritzy said...

I figured out that the last one was supposed to be a watermelon, but it looked all the world like a colorized shot of my niece's baby's ultrasound.

Andy Mathis said...

haha- I thought the last one was a fetus and uterus.

Consultant Calamities said...

Oh God. I HATE those "cupcake cakes." how STUPID!

That graduation girl looks positively FRIGHTENING! :-O

Morgan the Muse said...

Hey, you know... I kind of like that Watermelon one... it would be my luck, it is actually an alien baby or something.

"Congratulations on the alien baby! It had a fork for an umbilical cord? Crazy!"

Krista said...

Oh my god, oh my god. I am almost 100% sure that I am the one that produced that hideous football from Kroger!!!
My manager wanted football stuff, and I couldn't for the life of me make her a stupid football.
Granted, I'm not a real cake decorator, and they don't seem to care.

I need to know. I NEED to know. Where is the origin of that image?

B said...

Looks like some sort of flesh eating amoeba!

MommyAmy said...

*blush* I kinda like that first one! Looks sort of like an impressionist painting!

*backs away slowly while covering her vital organs*

Dianne said...

Maybe I have watched Peanuts too often as a child, but...that last one looks like Snoopy lying in a funkified cactus.

Bilby P. Dalgyte said...

I must admit the watermelon one has this sorta retro gaming look... because it's not really well refined but you can obviously see what it is. But... why not make it a WHOLE one instead? I'm not sure that making the food already look half eaten is a good marketing strategy.

elisefortson242 said...

last wreck= red sickly snoopy sleeping inside a green womb

Procrastinateher said...

Oh wow, I love how the last CCC doesn't even try to be vaguely watermelon shaped.
If you had a leopard that went for a swim in neon orange dye, then went for a nap on a cushy green hammocky thing, that's what it'd look like.

Well, at least that's what I was thinking until somebody mentioned the fork, and then I saw the fork... actually, it helps convey the idea that it's meant to be a watermelon...

Also, is it just me or do most of these Wrecks (and Sweets) have more frosting/icing/fondant/whathaveyou than cake?

PS word verifier: hermidi isn't a word.

Determined in KnoxVegas said...

That watermelon one looks like a fetus.

Elle said...

Blueberry Sherry!! lmao!! Oh I love it! Thanks!

WolfenM said...

Cupcake cakes do not a cake make.

Try saying that ten times fast. *G*

Heather said...

My five year old wants to know why there is a cactus around the watermelon?

skellington7d said...

I thought the first one was a horde of blue zombies.

The cake done in the shape of a cake with candles is kind of blowing my mind.

Caronae said...

It really is sad. It is a major metaphysical challenge for me to reconcile my love of cupcakes with my hatred for (most) cupcake cakes! I have, however, seen a few nice cupcake cakes on Cupcakes Take the Cake...

Esme said...

The only person who should be messing around with cupcakes is Zilly Rosen. Really.

colleenoz said...

I actually thought the last one was a pregnant Martian mermaid with measles lying on one of those beach loungers that has chosen an awkward moment to fold itself up.
WV: 'gramina'- you'd need a lot of gramina to eat one of these creations

Kristina said...

OMG, I totally didn't see the fork in the "watermelon"! I thought it was a reflection on the cover. ROFLOL. That is so, so....um....yeah. Wow. Just wow.

Lita Harrington said...

Looking at all that frosting has made my teeth hurt. I love cupcakes as much as the next person but they really layered it on.

Anonymous said...

Why on earth would any sane person want a cake made out of cupcakes? If you want something already portion-sized and cute then we have cupcakes (fairy cakes in my neck of the woods). A sane person might ask their baker to produce a dozen cupcakes with a single design on each, maybe a letter on each to spell a message or something, then you get something pretty and non-messy and icing doesn't go everywhere because it's been applied to each cake individually, not as a sheet over the cakes which will get on your fingers.

That said I thought the cake-shaped one was quite funny and whimsical. If you must have a CCC then go for something silly and easy to execute.

Kayla said...

Really all I can see in the last one is a reclining pregnant strawberry mermaid reclining on a mutated cucumber.

Gladys said...

Wowzers. I have to tell you, until I came to this blog for the first time, I was innocent of the horror that is the CCC.

Having said that, I am glad beyond all reason that today was not my very first encounter with that genre; between Blueberry Sherry and the Amoebic Wormu-melon at the end, I would doubtless have arrived at an emotional state requiring medical intervention (and/or quantities of vodka).

And if our interpretation of the Alleged Football is in any way an insight into our psyche, then it's clear my orientation isn't what I once thought it was. (Although, the inexplicable green bit off to the side frightens me...where does one find inexplicable green bits on the female anatomy? Ones that don't require some sort of treatment?) I must admit, though, that I didn't see the "extra" on first view, so when the green bit was first mentioned in connection with a football, my first thought went to the uber-conservative scratching-post of Bloggovia, Little Green Footballs. Then I went back to look at the picture again, and my mind stubbornly reverted to its first interpretation. (Sorry, Mom; no grandkids for you.)

(WV: arfran. Arfran was a happy-go-lucky child til we got that horrid CCC for her seventh birthday; since then she's just been sitting wide-eyed in the corner, muttering about blueberries.)

Robin said...

While ironing my kids' fuse bead creations the other day I was struck by the resemblance to CCCs:

http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1348/726499387_3b05ab91f8.jpg?v=0

(Not ours, just a pic out of google. My kids are 3 & 5 and their creations look more like what you'd find on cakewrecks.)

Deodand said...

Maybe CCCs are the only cakes allowed in areas where sharp objects are prohibited??

Anonymous said...

How nice, a red and green embryo in the womb cupcake cake.

elizabeth said...

is that a placenta?

Anonymous said...

The fifth one looks like somebody draped Laffy Taffy over some cupcakes and stuck it down with happy birthday picks.

xotgarry said...

I think that the CCC virus is spreading - my family and I were in our local grocery store this evening, and lo and behold, a nearly identical watermelon CCC was in the display case. I almost hurt myself laughing so hard!

I love this site Jen and John - keep up the great work!

Living in the past miniatures said...

I have never seen a cupcake cake before in my life. Bizarre

Christina M. said...

Is that a football, or did someone photocopy their bum?

Westly Christy said...

I agree with you with all my heart that CCC's are evil. And You've even mentioned stomping out the evil that are CCC's but I think that's a double edged sword. If the world was rid of the evil that is CCC then there would be no more posts about CCC's and those happen to be my favorite posts of yours. Plus the wrecks are even better when you see the dumb stuff they try to make out of the CCC's. Anyone with me on this? If the world is rid of wrecks and wreckarators then this site would have no purpose and that makes me sad. So I say keep wrecking, keep making CCC's and hideous duck heart lobster cakes! You give us a good reason to laugh. :D

Anonymous said...

I really thought that last one was a fetus having an amnio.

Celine said...

The cake shaped cupcake looks like a steamboat... with the stacks on fire.

Camille said...

My roommate and I have decided that the last one is meant to be a watermelon that has had a bite taken out of it by a platypus.

Devika said...

The sad thing about the football cake is that if you just look at the top half, it actually does resemble a football. But they tried...

Dendrojoshidae said...

Is it just me, or is anyone else getting a serious "Day of the Triffids" vibe from that first one? Creepy...

Anonymous said...

I am a grocery store decorator, and every time I see these horrible CCCs I have to laugh. Yeah, they always suck, but at least for us they send out a memo showing how to set the cupcakes up and what they're supposed to look like.....so I have NO idea how that watermelon was birthed.

IrkenBaker said...

Sad to say that even the store I work at is guilty of making these abmoninations of cake kind and I took pictures of them on my phone but I can't upload them on here cause I have no USB uplink thingy for it -_-

Anonymous said...

The girl looks like she shoved her coat with a bunch of mice and then ate them. AND THERE STILL ALIVE IN THERE! YOU CAN DO IT, LITTLE MOUSE! JUST A COUPLE MORE DAYS!

Xhenifer said...

Am I really the first to notice the butterfly on the iris (?) to the right? my oh my. "And it looks so reeeaalll..."

Cupcakes Lady said...

Is that a tooth pick on the mauled and mutated watermelon?! lol ;) xx