Friday, May 29, 2009

Proper Grooming

Friday, May 29, 2009

You've gotta admit: outside of baby shower cakes, grooms' cakes are some of the most "unique" ones out there. This is the cake that puts the guy's favorite recreational activities on display, whether those are sports...

(I believe that's a plastic golf cart in the corner. So let's see...plastic flotsam, a printed edible image, random clumps of crumbled chocolate, and spotty airbrushing... all on one cake. Hah! And they said it couldn't be done.)

Hobbies...

(I realize I don't know that much about weaponry, but am I the only one seeing a gun on a hot water bottle here?)

Mouth cancer...

(I grew up in the sticks of Florida, so a cake can of chewing tobacco doesn't surprise me that much. Still, let's hope it's not flavored to match. Yech.)

Or just melting over an inner tube while covered with a gigantic straw hat.


[crickets chirping]


Well, he does look relaxed.

[staring some more] Ok, I give up. What is that red square supposed to be? Anyone? Anyone?

Thanks to Alan R., the only Wreckporter brave enough to attach his name to any of these submissions, and all you other Anony Mice.
beautifulmonday said...

The 'hot water bottle' under the rather nicely shaped handgun is a target, I believe. Notice the various scoring zones outlined.

No idea what the red thing in the water is.

Anonymous said...

I am going with the red thing being a cooler since it seems to have silver-ish beer cans all around. But I am just guessing.

Trevor said...

Forget the red thing. Jen, I'm terribly disappointed that you didn't point out his FEET! They're HUGE! I mean, they are as long as his legs are. WHere does he buy shoes? Maybe he's a cobbler and can make his own? I certainly hope so.

I *think* the thing under the gun is supposed to be a hanging target you shoot at. I guess the customer ordered it all in chocolate, but the lack of any color in that cake makes it look even worse!

And the first cake? Are you sure someone didn't start eating the cake and just leave some crumbs on it? I mean, what IS that supposed to represent?

Margaret said...

those are the greasiest looking horseshoes on the tobacco cake. I don't think I would want any of those at my wedding but I would like explainations.

Stephanie B said...

I looooove this site! it's one of 3 that I check every morning before work!
That definately looks like a hot water bottle-it's the first thing that popped into my head when I saw the picture. Then I realised it was a really crappy representation of one of those moving paper targets they use in a range

Judy said...

I think the dirt clumps on the golf one must be divots. I guess he's really not THAT good of a golfer.

And I noticed that the copenhagen can was surrounded by horseshoes and strawberries. I think it's like...Good luck cuz you're marrying a guy that's gunna have mouth cancer and that's just... well...REAL PRETTY! Well it is if you add strawberries right?

As for the straw hat.... I have no idea what the red square and silver things are but has anyone else noticed the flames around the edge of the straw hat?

Sarah Jane said...

Is that an albino Kermit the Frog under that hat? Why do I feel like the water is pulling at his melting limbs?

No idea about the red thing...maybe another hot water bottle?

Ayrk said...

The hot water bottle is actually a target (roughly torso shaped). It took me a few minutes to actually figure it out and I do a decent amount of target shooting.

As for the guy on the inner tube, my first thought was "why is a deflated blow-up doll on an inner tube? That seems redundant."

-Erik

Sara Doane said...

Well the golf cake doesn't look SOOO bad if you consider that the airbrushing is supposed to look like a golf course at sunset. Unfortunately, he must be golfing in a pit, and the chocolate looks really bad.

And the second one scares me, because to me it looks like a gun over a flask for alcohol. That spells danger.

Real Food, Real World said...

Erm...based on the "decorations" on the sides of his straw hat, it appears the inner tube guy also enjoys spending time in the bathroom. *gag*

The red square is the big bite of watermelon that someone took out of yesterday's last CCC wreck.

VeggieT said...

Well, at least there's one good thing to know, most likely there's never been a lifesize replica of a groom done in cake...

Belle Epoque said...

HaHa....The Guns and Roses cake is sorta elegant, in a guns 'n roses type of way...

Joy said...

A towel? A banner? WEird....it almost looks like it has a little propeller on the left side.


I have an issue with the horseshoes on the tobacco cake....I did not see horseshoes at first glance....did they need to be BROWN? You can probably guess what I saw....

diddleymaz said...

No your not the only one Jen DEFINATLEY a hot water bottle!!! and so much poo on almost all of the cakes.....

JJ and EJ said...

I can't imagine having these cakes at my wedding! I believe the "hot water bottle" is a grenade... and the "red blob" = a cooler ??? Your guesses are as good as mine!

David said...

I have no idea what the red square is, but the "hot water bottle" looks like a firing range target. A very simplified body/head one.

diddleymaz said...

Definatley a hot water bottle and so much poo!!

Cyberg said...

The "can of chewing tobacco" is actually something called "snus" in the nordic countries, it isn't chewed but carried under the lip but just as disgusting a habit as chewing tobacco.

This particular can is apparently a brand from Copenhagen, Denmark.

Lou said...

i SEE the hot waterbottle!

kikimama said...

Yep, definitely a hot water bottle. No idea on that red square though.

wv mudesib:it'd be a mudesib of water you'd get from that bottle.

Cake Believe said...

Maybe it's his floating cooler....looks like he's retrieving a beer.....
(shrugging shoulders) hmmmm.

Anonymous said...

The grooms should save these cake pics for the divorce so they can prove the bride knew what she was getting into.

WV: CONDS - I hope these grooms wear conds. They certainly don't need to be reproducing.

Anonymous said...

Well...going off of experience...


I'd say that red square kind of looks like the free trashbags they give you for on canoe/raft/float trips.

That's my guess.

Ericrazy said...

first to comment? BOOYA o.0 uhm... :]

Haiku Joy said...

"Babe, your .45
was under the weather . . ."
(Run for it, groom man!)

wv:chane

I think a chane (a chane) would do you good . . . (a chane would do you good . .. )

Laura Dotson-Thomson said...

I think the red square is one of those red mesh bags used for trash on the river... I donno. I'm digging the wreckiness. Although, I do like the horseshoes on the tobacco cake. Can I just have a couple of those?

Alina said...

HA HA Cake Haiku
Men and Cakes are not a match
What The Heck is that!

Alina said...

Ha Ha Cake Haiku.
Men and cakes are not a match.
What the HECK is that!

kingmonkey said...

Does that last one even count as a cake? It's really just a giant doughnut.

Anonymous said...

the "gun cake" is a BADly done 1911 on top of an ipsc target (http://www.brianenos.com/forums/uploads/photo-12528.jpg) probably for a USPSA shooter (United States Practical Shooing Association). just thought i would let you know what it SHOULD have looked like

Michele said...

Rather than crickets chirping, I hear banjo's picking....

Mandy said...

I could be wrong, but perhaps the chocolate clumps on the golf cake are divots?

EEEEEWWWWWWW on the can of dip!

The last one looks like a Hostess chocolate mini-donut.

House said...

I don't know. The chocolate covered strawberries look pretty tasty.

Neyra-Jones said...

I think that is a gun on a dreidel!

Anonymous said...

My first thought was water bottle. Like a passive-aggressive thing. Maybe he's in pain and will shoot you if you bug him...

ButterYum said...

Gee, I'm thinking the hot water bottle is actually a giant grenade... gun, grenade... they go together, don't they?
:)

AJ said...

I believe the hot water bottle might be the case for the pistol. The red thing that looks like a soggy pack of cigarettes confounds me--would we get a close-up of the writing on it? WOuld that even help?

AJ in Houston

kelliem said...

::squints:: Maybe that red square thing is supposed to be a towel?

rosieknight said...

I believe the red square is supposed to be watermelon.

...

Yeah.


Word Verification: Fonally, as in the backer fonally got a chance to use his airbrush tool.

N said...

A (very wet) towel, perhaps?

The gun is either on a water bottle, or a really flat dreidel.

bourbonmama said...

I think that's supposed to be a flask under the gun. I have no idea about the red square thing.

Stacie said...

So, groom #1 likes crashing Mini Coopers? And groom #2 likes to shoot stuff?? Maybe these cakes should have been wake up calls.

Oh, and the red square: bag 'o beef jerky.

Anonymous said...

I think I'd be having second thoughts if my husband-to-be requested a weapon or chewing tobacco-themed groom cake.

rosieknight said...

I believe the red square is supposed to be watermelon.

...

Yeah.

Aliana said...

Red square = beach towel? Maybe?

Dorci said...

That poor dude's so relaxed he's rubberized. And his upper body's collapsed into his trunks.

And that looks like either a microscopic gun laying on a luggage tag, or a luggage tag so big that you're surely going to have to pay an extra 50 bucks for it. And don't call me Shirley.

Erin said...

I pretty much just see a gun and a water bottle too. But could the water bottle really be a target by any chance?

an unbelievable post once again, Jen. Your blog is a wonderful source of a smile for me every single morning! Thank you!

happylittlewonders said...

I believe that red bag is used to carry the beer in the river to keep it cool. It's a mesh bag and the river tep is usually between 50 and 60. At least the river's that I have toobed in.

lil-m-moses said...

I think the red square is the net bag that you can tie to the innertube and put things like shoes and beer in so you don't lose them on your float.

happylittlewonders said...

And I have no excuse for the random apostrophe. Sorry. Haven't had my coffee yet.

Beth said...

And why do his legs bend....forward....at the shins?!?!

Libbye said...

So on the Chewing Tobacco cake are horseshoes supposed to be a clue that the chocolate-covered strawberries represent road apples for?

Because really, my first thought was "the groom's horse must have been near this cake"...

Bailey's Leaf said...

Hat ate man before wedding. In other news . . .

Cara said...

That red square is the woven plastic bag that the outfitter gives you to put your trash in. Most people just attach it to the side of the tube and drag it through the water.

Mel said...

Ditto on the hot water bottle. What I want to know is whether I'm the only one who saw those chocolate-covered strawberries under the horseshoes and thought they looked like horse poo.

cindy said...

I'm sorry...is the body supposed to be under the hat? If so, this person must be horribly disfigured or something...
As for the red thing, a flat beer can perhaps? I have no idea...

Suzy said...

Beach chair? Towel maybe?

Maggie said...

I think the red square is supposed to be the free mesh trash bags they give you when you go floating.

Suzy said...

And yes, that cake DOES look like a gun on a water bottle.

Kay said...

Maybe it's just my monitor, but does anyone else see the line of severed fingers standing up next to the hat brim?

Leah said...

My guess is that the redbagis his beerbag. The water is cold enough to keep his beer cold. It's either wrapped around his wrist or his tube.

rhilborn said...

My husband saw the inner tube cake and immediately answered the red thing was a cooler that he is pulling beers from. I couldn't see it but he thinks it's a 2-dimensional representation. Wow.

TheQueen@TerrorsInTiaras said...

I'm still stuck on the little blobs of frosting around his hat and the slick looking water. Bleck.

Mama Snyder said...

I LOVE the melted man! I've felt like that before, but never seen it on a cake!

Karen said...

Am I the only one who thinks it looks like poop strewn all over the strawberries on the tobacco cake?

Bilby P. Dalgyte said...

The red square is quite perplexing. We faithful wreckwatchers must ponder its purpose and identity just as we must ponder other oddities of the cakewreck world :P

For THAT is our mission!

Sounds good huh?

Alyssa said...

Looks like an octopus being crushed beneath a giant hat...and what exactly is that hat made of??

LaurenH said...

ha ha! Oh boy...At first I thought the golf cart was a zamboni.

As the for the second? To me it looked like a gun on a flask because really...what better combination can you think of than guns and drinking? And roses.

Thomas Westgard said...

The chewing tobacco cake actually made me nauseated, meaning physically ill. If you swallow the tobacco, or too much of the spit, it makes you barf. What's next, a syrup of ipecac cake?

The IpiCake. Nice.

moonfall86 said...

I think Copenhagen is snuff, not chewing tobacco.

I spent the latter half of my childhood in the sticks of Florida, too. My grandpa chews tobacco...nasty stuff. It usually comes in a pouch, not a can.

PetalsYoga said...

The pooh gun on a pooh platform is truly frightening to me. Why do people want to celebrate pooh and firearms so desperately?

wv: ouper

That grooms cake needs an ouper scooper.

Suzanne Dargie said...

That last one is a doozey! I even took the image into photoshop and tried to enlarge it, but I STILL don't know what that red net bag is for. All I can think of is that it's supposed to be cans of beer in a net bag keeping cool in the water....with little lead weights around the edges....and it says "river"...something.
I really like the chocolate gun on the "hot water bottle" cake! I had an old boyfriend who was a firearms expert and he was involved in target shooting, and they would get a "Black Badge" for doing well.......well the "hot water bottle" is probably someone's version of a Black Badge.

Anonymous said...

I thought the gun was lying on a flask. A drunk with a gun....not a good match.

Judy

Cat Skyfire said...

Cyberg: Copenhagen is a popular brand of chewing tobacco in the US. Given that the picture also featured some chocolate horseshoes, I'm guessing the Groom was a 'cowboy type' who chews tobacco regularly.

...Lucky bride...

Heather T said...

I say it's a gun laying over a flask of liquor. Didn't you say you grew up in the sticks of Florida? You should be able to recognize that...

(I know the sticks of Florida well. Many of them. Grew up there my whole life, as did my dad and my grandma.)

Julie said...

I was thinking that the "hot water bottle" under the gun was a grenade.

I think the red thing next to the inner tube is a river cooler - it's made of a mesh-like material so the water can flow through it.

writtenwyrdd said...

While that thing under the gun looks like a hot water bottle or possibly a bottle of booze, it's actually supposed to be a paper target. Trust me, I've shot at that exact target often enough, and my aim might have been even better if it were instead that ugly cake.

Anonymous said...

The red thing is likely the mesh bag that 'toob' rental places provide you with to throw out your empty cans and trash. Float the Texas rivers and you'll see what I mean!

TheBabysitter said...

The last cake seems to come from a world where they inflate inner tubes, but people are left as flat and limps of pancakes. Those who can not afford air pumps can only cover their gruesome figures with over sized hats.

vampi said...

i thought the chocolate covered strawberries with the hoseshoes looked like horse apples. ewww.

Joan said...

I'm with RealFood RealWorld & Rosieknight: that red thing looks like watermelon to me. But why did somebody run a perfectly good slice of watermelon through a pasta maker? And Mel, you're not alone. Brown lumpy things + horse shoes = poo to me, too.

Michelle said...

I think the red thing is a bag that you attach to your tube to hold empty beer cans...I am a frequent tuber and that's usually what they give out in New Braunfels to hold trash :)

Anonymous said...

The "red thing" is a mesh bag that you hang off of your tube to put your beer cans in once you drink them. Tubing aka drinking beer and passing out in the sun is a recreational sport here in texas!!

Gaylon said...

The red thing is a gaping hippopotamus maw. The hippo has had some serious dental work, hence all the silver crowns.

WV: seriestr: more severe than originally perceived, e.g. "Her psoriasis was even seriestr than we thought."

madrobins said...

Yikes.

Cake 1: I'm so glad you identified the plastic thingy as a golf cart. I thought it was a toaster, and that the groom liked golf and toast. But why is he wearing a hard hat?

Cake 2: So that would be guns n' roses, yes?

Cake 3: Words fail. Mouth cancer and chocolate horseshoes, all in the same cake. Eeeew.

Cake 4: It's saying something that the inner tube seems over-inflated and the groom seems conspicuously, um, under-inflated.

As always, this site is a public service.

Anonymous said...

I also saw a dreidel under the gun, so this is definitely some kind of buttercream Rorschach test.

And then I focused on the edible. . .chocolate. . .gun. . .

My husband insists I would eat pink Pearl erasers if they were coated with chocolate (not quite--I would just suck off the chocolate coating) but I think even I would have trouble working up an appetite for this one.

Nichole said...

Are you sure it's not a flask or a bottle of liquor? That's certainly not a good combination. Although, I can imagine all the groomsmen and the groom "out back" drunk randomly firing at birds in the trees a la Steel Magnolias.

deckardcanine said...

I thought the bottle was a flask of whiskey. Which suggests that the hobby is shooting while drunk. O_O

Half Assed Kitchen said...

The rose petals around the gun cake are a nice touch. Very funereal.

Angie (from over at www.HalfAssedKitchen.com)

Rory said...

I thought the hot water bottle on the first one was a grenade.....maybe a flask, but I don't see a target.

Anonymous said...

Bad decorators should stick to golf-themed cakes, then they can always claim "those are divets!"

MaryBe said...

That last one made me nauseous!

LittleWied said...

Someone else has in the previous 90 comments probably already guessed this, but I am pretty sure the unidentifiable object hanging from the inner tube is a sack for the empty cans. River floaters use those all the time to contain their "empties" - no littering on the river, you know! :)

Galadriel said...

Every farrier--horse trimmer/shoer--equine manicurist--I've ever known has had a ridiculous attachment to his nicotine products. Many horse farms will not let you smoke on the property due to fire hazards, so I've known farriers who switched to other non-cigarette types of nicotine.

I suspect that's the inspiration behind the Copenhagen and horseshoes cake: a farrier. You got me on the strawberries tho.

Anonymous said...

That's not a can of chewing tobacco. It's called "snus" and very different

Lindsay Blattel said...

I am pretty sure the red thing is supposed to be a mesh trashbag... you tie it to your tube and put your empty beer cans in it so you dont have to put them back in your cooler and you dont put them in the river.

Cathy said...

So the Copenhage cake has horseshoes--good luck with the mouth cancer? Or good luck hope you don't get mouth cancer? or happy chewing at the Preakness?

Rapunzel210 said...

What do you guys consider the "sticks of Florida"? I ask because I live in the panhandle, and we call it "LA," for "lower Alabama."

drgns4vr said...

After looking at these and thinking about some of the previous grooms cakes featured on this blog, I think a case could be made for economizing on the wedding and skipping the groom's cake entirely. (Of course, if some of these are representative of the groom's tastes, maybe they should consider skipping the groom too. Just have a big party with a pretty
cake.)

jackie31337 said...

VeggieT said Well, at least there's one good thing to know, most likely there's never been a lifesize replica of a groom done in cake

I sense a challenge here. I know we've had a replica of the groom's head, but not an entire free-standing man-cake.

kingmonkey said Does that last one even count as a cake? It's really just a giant doughnut.

I think the giant straw hat is also made of cake. It would be impressive if it weren't for the little blobs along the side where the hat wasn't quite long enough, and the overall wreckiness of the rest of the cake.

Amy said...

I thought it was a canteen under the gun. LOL

The Copenhagen cake would be great, if it were just roses and horseshoes. But that's like celebrating a gross habit with the snuff can on there. :op

~Amy B

Marissa and Allen Muir said...

The red bag is supposed to be a mesh bag that you can put your trash in while you are floating down the river. Texans don't like to litter.

Melissa (& Billy) said...

The strawberries are quite lovely and the chocolate horseshoes are quirky, but the Copenhagen can makes me want to vomit. And not just because it's wreckily done.

And of course nothing says "romance" like a chocolate handgun surrounded by blood red rose petals...that is, if the groom's favorite show is Law and Order: SVU...

The rest I view with my usual expression I have while I read CW: 0_o

WV: simoly. Holy simoly, look at these wrecks!

joomlafied said...

Wow if the first commenter hadn't figured it out, I never would have. And my husband is a pistol instructor and competitive shooter!

That kind of looks like a target, but because of the angle there's no way I would have seen it.

JoMama said...

That "golf cart" looks like a Paddy Wagon!

And the "red thing"?? Uh, maybe a deflated can of Budweiser???

Kristin said...

No no . . you've got it all wrong. Jelly man doesn't have grotesquely long feet or shins that bend backward. It's the effect of the light refraction through the water. Yeah, that's it. I am sure that detail wouldn't escape the artist . . . despite the fact that the wreckerator forgot to give the poor man bones.

And I totally saw the gun lying on top of a grenade.

WV: uningst: I was filled with uningst when on our wedding day I saw that my new husband had ordered a gun and grenade cake. Now I am rethinking that hunting trip honeymoon.

Anonymous said...

I didn't realize folk were so serious about their "chewin' tabakee". Round here (Iowa) its all called chewing tabacco, even if you don't actually chew it. I shall inform all of my friends and neighbors to refer to it as snus from here on out.

As always, great work Jen!

Becky

Ed said...

The hot water bottle keeps the gun warm. Happiness is a warm gun, you know.

altar ego said...

I'm thinking that those "things" on the side of the hat are flies for fly-fishing. Or weights for a fishing line. Or something. Something, yes, that's it!

Lindsay said...

I totally thought the golf cart was a plastic zamboni machine before I read the caption. I thought maybe the groom wanted to combine his favorite summer and winter sports?

Phoenix Rising said...

like the ginormous basket-weave hat wasn't enough? they had to add dingleberries??

adrienne said...

The first word on the red thing is River, I'm now way too blind from pressing my eyeball to the screen to the other text.

I suspect this supports the mesh trash bag theory.

While the hat does appear to have a poo problem, I suspect those are supposed to be corks (an Aussie trick to keep the flies off: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cork_hat).

There are enough corks on that hat to float it in a hurricane.

Tiggy said...

I wonder if all the cakes taste manly too?

Mrs. Wittmann said...

Can I just say that I want to marry THAT guy...the one who is adequately described with a Tin O' Copenhagen and Horse Shoes. Yumm-O.

Yikes.

Kristianna said...

Well, having been tubing a few times, I'd wager that's the cooler cube, which one lucky (and popular) part of the group has tethered to their tube.

Anonymous said...

The chocolate covered strawberries on the tobacco cake look like horse turds. I guess that is appropriate given the subject.

Jillian said...

Chocolate covered stawberries, horse shoes and 'chew'. YUMMY YUMMY! HA!

Red Thing? I'm going with a cooler to carry the beer.
Happy Friday!!

Anonymous said...

I think it IS a hot water bottle... Isn't there a song called "Happiness is a Warm Gun"?

Tasha said...

The red thing looks like disemboweled box wine. River keeps wine nice and cool and the box doesn't melt.

Anonymous said...

Great post! those chocolate covered strawberries around the tobacco can look a lot like horse poop to me!

Michelle said...

The gun cake is a bit scary. Looked like a gun on top of a whisky flask (is that what it's called). Oh, but those chocolate covered strawberries look heavenly. They look a little poopy, but when I finally realized they were strawberries I got a major craving!

Novice Writer Anonymous said...

We forgot to critique the perspective on the first cake. He's standing on the green, using an iron, not a putter, hitting the golf ball out of the cake. He must think the hole is somewhere outside the cake. And you're supposed to make a nice, smooth, even divot with your golf shot. Every time. So the clumps of chocolate dirt actually somewhat make sense.


Word verification: tylypo- We must eradikate tylypos from all wrex. (Yes the misspellings were intentional.)

CynicWear said...

The gun cake is of an STI Edge, chambered in .40 Smith & Wesson. A nice, very expensive gun. The water-bottle-looking thing underneath is supposed to be a generic silhouette target, I believe.

--CynicWear

I Love Baby Quilts! said...

Wow, those are some redneck cakes at what i'm sure were some redneck weddings! Um, except the golf cake. Not a lot of rednecks on the links i'm guessing.

kibbles said...

Copenhagen IS chewing tobacco, it's the brand name. That is not 'snus'. http://www.freshcope.com/ for the company's website.

Anonymous said...

He's so white, maybe he needed the giant straw hat to protect him from the sun? dun know..shrugs

By the way I hate this blog, because it makes me fat, many (notice I don't say all) of even the wrecks look yummy. I go home every day wanting cake, lucky for me I have a short memory and forget by the time I am near a grocery store!

Cheryl said...

How about this for the first cake: Red sky at morning, golfers' warning!!

Impressions of the 2nd one: Chocolate gun and Flask (?)!! Wonderful combo that.

Looks like chewing tobacco and horseshoes go together. Along with some strawberry chestnut wanna-bes.

My guess for that red thing in the pool? A pack of waterlogged cigerettes.

Christina said...

On the side of the 'chew' cake (which is soooo shudderiffically disgusting)... uh does that say "long cut" or "lung out"?

Heather B said...

I think the red thing is a tiny towel for the silver egg plant he is holding. You know nothing goes less with a giant straw hat than a soggy eggplant.

Holly said...

Funny - I thought the thing under the gun was a hand grenade.

ChloeX said...

I agree with everyone that said the red thing is supposed to be a red mesh garbage bag. I go tubing a lot. You can rent a tube and they give you a red mesh bag to attach to the side of you tube so you can put your empty beer cans in it instead of just throwing them in the river.

leftyposters said...

First time poster! I was compelled to post, because I'm pretty sure no-one has mentioned the fact that there are also tiny chocolate cowboy hats and boots around the tobaccake! That being said I'd rather eat a tiny chocolate shoe than that cake.

P.S. Weirdly, I saw a bag of golf clubs on the cake with the inner tube. It's like an ink blot test!

~ L. K. said...

As for the gun one, I'd vote it's an alcohol bottle. But that's because I haven't seen a target look like that. Particularly because they're usually shaped like a person. (It's not unusual in my area to purchase a sandwich, alcohol, and a gun/bullets in the same store at the same time. One of our stores says on the side: Subs, Spirits, Shells. It perplexed my city-slicker boyfriend for a while until one day he say someone walking out with a gun, case of liquor, and a sandwich.)

I enjoy that the gun is brown. Apparently the decorator didn't have any other colors. (Even if its chocolate icing, you could have at least added SOMETHING for design.)

Bobbi said...

It is an actual target...here's the story I read about the gun cake.

http://www.slashfood.com/2006/10/02/a-very-unusual-wedding-cake/

Sylvia said...

I have to say that the chewing tobacco cake is NOT a wreck. For a non-masterful baker (that is, an average skilled professional baker) that is a pretty faithful recreation of a can of chewing tobacco. I got to give them credit for making the top of the can accurately, too.

This from someone who thinks chewing tobacco is absolutely disgusting.

But give the baker some credit for making it actually pretty accurate. If I wanted a chewing tobacco cake, and I got that, I would be very happy.

Dani said...

I think perhaps that golfer has a hard time and there are pock holes all over the grass and dirt flying in the air!

The red thing in the water is a mystery...but man that cake makes me LAUGH!

Passion Fruit said...

Sara Doane said...
"Well the golf cake doesn't look SOOO bad if you consider that the airbrushing is supposed to look like a golf course at sunset."

Sara, you wouldn't believe how you demystified that wreck for me! Thank you! I honestly thought that the airbrushing was completely random...like COMPLETELY. RANDOM.

I can see the sunset thing now. Kind of. A little bit.

Whose to blame here, the grooms or the cake decorators? :]

Brianna M.

BabelBabe said...

i dunno, i think the golf cake is sorta funny. Those are divots. see, that's funny. badly executed but cleverish.

Judi Hahn said...

Sorry, folks, it's a canteen -- everyone needs to have a canteen when they are out in the field hunting, or at a range just shooting.

TheAkersFam said...

I thought it was a gun on a whoopie cushion... and I loved the added rose petals. simply stunning.

Sarah said...

I believe the red thing is indeed a cooler. Apparently there's an activity called "tubing" in which one floats down a river in an inner tube with a cooler filled with beer attached or, if you wanna get fancy, an entire keg. I've never experienced such activities, but it somehow came up in an intellectual history class I took. Very strange. I'm pretty pumped that there's a cake somewhere in the world devoted to it though.

Jen said...

I think the hot water bottle is a hand grenade. No?
No clue what the red thing is.

Bin said...

I was just about to say that no one mentione the cowboy hats and boots on the tobacco cake, but someone beat me to it! They and the horseshoes are obviously made form candy molds.

As for the straw hat, it just looks to me like there was a big gap at first, and they needed to cover it up.

MammaDucky said...

MAN! I wish I had taken a better picture of my brother in law's Beer Pong Cake. Not only was it oddly disproportionate and the "beer" in the cups was neon yellow, but the cake itself was sagging in the middle and about to crack in half. MAN!!

Bin said...

I'm trying like crazy to read the writing on the red thing. I can make out "River-" but nothing else.
The cooler bag theory makes the most sense.

medlii said...

Zoom in on the last cake. There is some writing on mysterious red thing. It looks like "River *something* *something.*"

My guess is that those shiny silver things are golf clubs- check out the handle on the one the guy is holding. And that would make the red thing a very poorly scaled golf bag.

Anonymous said...

OK, that's it: I want to renew my vows for the sole reason of having a centerpiece cake that turns out nothing like the inspiration despite the baker/decorator, er, wreckerator's repeated assurance he/she can pull it off and tacky, ill-made groom's cake. I had neither and feel I totally missed out.

Word verification: heonful. The wreckerator placed a heonful of chocolate covered strawberries around the chewing tobacco tin cake to increase the, um, effect.

janet2buns said...

I thought it was a gun on a bottle of liquor. You know, guns and booze go so well together.

Elizabeth said...

The red thing on the floating man cake is a bag you're given when you rent the toob (Texas spelling) to put trash and beer cans in. Looks likes the orange things are woven, which is what the bags are like, to let water pass through.

megan said...

as an IPSC and USDPA shooter, definitely a target. there's a standard type shaped like that with the accuracy zones marked on it. they're cardboard and precisely that color. the guns, however, are NOT usually that color...
but, hey, my hat is off to the wrecerator for actually *making* the gun cake. there was a case recently where a shooting club in Wyoming wanted a cake with their gun-bearing club logo on it for a club aniversary, and were refused by *every* bakery in town. because, apparently, even cake-guns kill people.
Gun-cake discrimination in Wyoming... who'd a thunk it. Clearly those people need to mellow out with a bit more chewing toba... snus.

Jacci said...

Albino in rubber tube: I think this is a bold attempt to convey perspective and water refraction. His legs would appear refracted UNDER the water...and the trash bag is further away and refracted. The beer cans therefore look tiny. As for the hat...I got nothing.
WV: aptinqua...something that is water-appropriate

Leigh said...

I was also thinking "grenade" instead of hot water bottle. I could see a target, too, as I have a vivid imagination.

The red thing? Not so vivid.

Amber said...

Someone may have already answered this, but the red thing on the inner tube is a can bag...on the river they make you tie a mesh onion/potato sack to your tube to collect your trash rather than littering the river.

crissy said...

I want to chomp one of those chocolate horseshoes!

Anonymous said...

The red mesh bag is for keeping your empties in and your next ones cold from the spring water.

Meaghan said...

hi jen,
i don't know if anyone has already answered this but I do know what the "red thing" is...
here in Texas, we go tubing on the river and it's completely legal to bring along a cooler in order to spice up the river ride :) however, in order to keep the river clean, when you rent your tube you are also provided with a red net bag to store your empties in. You tie it to your tube with twine (also provided).
As for the hat, lets just say that you don't go tubing in the Texas sunshine without some protection from the rays. There's LOTS of straw hats around!
Hope that clears it up!

Carly said...

I thought it was a flask under the gun! That would be...honest. ;)

Anonymous said...

The red square is a trash bag. They give them to you at rivers when you go float.

Living said...

I thought the hotwater bottle could have been a weird hand grenade. :P

Heather said...

I'm a regular reader but not a regular poster. I had to post today though at your "sticks of Florida" comment. I grew up in the tiny town of Chipley, FL were the imprinted ring of a chew can on the back of guy's jeans was considered SEXY! LOL Would love to talk to you more about the fish fries, oyster shucks, and general funniness of BFE FL.

anne said...

BWAH HA HA!

The first thing I thought of when I saw the gun cake was,"right, a gun. On a . . . hot water bottle. Because . . . the water bottle is something they . . . shoot?"

Yeah, no, not the only one. =)

I lurve this site like, well, cake.

Adrianne said...

I see the inner tube, but I'm pretty sure that is a suicidal rabbit hiding under his overturned easter basket. Those ARE rabbit feet, right? And see that left ear desperately reaching for the valve to deflate the tube to facilitate a drowning?

What would make a rabbit suicidal? Noticing the positive result on the red drug-store brand pregnancy test and realizing this groom is being forced into a shotgun wedding.

"The rabbit died."

Is it just me, or did anyone else interpret it this way?

Daniel, Laura, Cora Marie, and Eliot said...

Does any one else appreciate the scattered red rose petals around the flask/target and gun cake?
Hmmm... Alcohol + firearms = bloody accident!

Anonymous said...

Not to mention one kneecap looks circular and the other is a diamond shape . . .

Chelle said...

my guess, and the only thing that would make sense, (sadly) would be a cooler. not that it LOOKS like a cooler or REMINDS me of a cooler I've seen in a store...

Marcel said...

hi jen!

my daughter is graduating tomorrow. are there any graduation wrecks on the way?

lauren

Aviatrix said...

I too thought the target was a flask and the golf cart a toaster, but I thought the latter was because I recently set fire to mine, so it was on my mind. The fire extinguisher was almost expired, anyway.

Thank you for explaining how you generate trash while rafting. I was believing the trash bag theory, but trying to reconcile that with how you would end a rafting trip with more trash than you started with.

I think the straw hat is a way of indicating that the groom is naked under there. As for replicating the groom in cake, I bet that's been done with just the genitals. I'm willing to believe that it's even been done at a wedding. Maybe the bride vetoed the flaming deer cake with "anything but that!" and so it went.

And the Arab Food poster is a spammer.

Mrs. West said...

The strawberries look kind of like horse poo which is creepy given the horse shoes. The horse shoes look yummy though like easter bunnies

Kristen said...

In reference to the "gun-on-the-hot-water-bottle" cake...at first glance, I thought "flask". You know, 'cause guns and drinking go so well together...

Kas said...

Isn't Coppenhagen spelled wrong?
Or IS it Copenhagen?

I dunno, I'm not a chew type of person... It just looks wrong somehow...

Brian said...

The "hot water bottle" is an IDPA (International defensive pistol association) target, which is actually pretty accurate, except for the size. Here's a link to an actual target sales place http://alcotarget.com/osb/itemdetails.cfm?ID=526
And seeing as that gun is a multi-thousand dollar pistol, I'd say that groom is pretty good at it...

otessa said...

The cakes and the guesses at what things are are hilarious! I was ready to completely agree that the thing under the gun was a grenade, but then someone posted a pic of that target; definitely matches. Cannot wait for more wrecks!

holly said...

That's Copenhagen dippin' tobacco. The brand name is Copenhagen Snuff. See where it says 'Long Cut' below the name? You can get it in pouches, or long cut or fine cut.

Elizabeth said...

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Julie said...

must agree with 'half assed kitchen' - i got the IPSC target (hot water bottle for the unitiated) right away - BUT why dead rose petals next to a gun cake? - now that's weird ....

Linda said...

while I like the first comment regarding the target, I'd rather think of the gun cake as a "hot gun wedding" cake, lol!

Minyassa said...

I think the gun is sitting on an enema bag. Some people are into some very strange role-playing.

Anonymous said...

I think the red thing is a blow up raft!! Just a guess!!
By Melanie

Erin said...

Okay, I get that there are divots in the golf cake and the airbrushing is supposed to make it look like a golf course at sunset, but then why is the golf cart driving through the sky? You have to be a pretty bad golfer to put divots in the clouds...

Tara said...

I was actually thinking the thing under the gun looked like a flask to me. And I don't have a clue what the red thing is, but I agree that the guy has totally melted under his big ol' straw hat!

Chantal said...

I think the Gun cake is refering to American Beauty, with the pedals of roses.

Me said...

As a wife to two USPSA shooters that gun cake is really a 2011 STI Edge Gun on top of a USPSA offical target. I assume the color is to reflect that the targets are made out of cardboard. My hubby thought it was an awesome cake and now wants one for his next birthday..

dicentra63 said...

The red thing is a tin of sardines, half-opened.

M. Derosier said...

As beautifulmonday correctly stated, the item under the pistol is a facsimile of a target. My guess is that the groom participates in a shooting sport, such as IDPA (International Defensive Pistol Association) or IPSC (International Practical Shooting Confederation, lovingly referred to as "Ip-sick") matches. Targets used in these sports are shaped in a way vaguely similar to the "center of mass" on a human target, as the sport was created out of the desire of participants to practice skills which might be necessary in the event of a self-defense situation, such as shooting on the move, defending against multiple targets, etc. Matches are very fun to watch, and there are videos on youtube of people participating in this sport.

Dave said...

My guess was the "Hot water bottle" is really a grenade.

janet2buns said...

@ Me 8:38 PM: "As a wife to two USPSA shooters that gun cake is really a 2011 STI Edge Gun on top of a USPSA offical target."

So gun fans are into plural marriage? Or did your second husband shoot the first one?

Cara Smith said...

I just floated (draged a tube) down the very low Gudalupe river last weekend and I believe the red thing is a mesh trash bag they give you at tube rental places to tie on to the tube and put your empties in.

Amy in StL said...

Having done a lot of river floats around here, I'd guess that the red thing is the sack that all outfitters give people to collect their trash. They're usually red mesh "potato sacks" and all canoes and rafts have one so that trash like empty cans don't go into the river.

ML said...

Sending out props to the funereal roses on the gun/water bottle cake. And also to the horse-apple looking chocolate items on the chew cake. Loving it!!

Elkian Lionblood said...

I'm thinking the red thing is either
A) A towel
or
B) One of those funky square watermelon

Elkian Lionblood said...

um...and I'm PRETTY sure that hot water bottle is supposed to be a grenade, but I'm not exactly sure...

Lovely work on that one, though. At least they used only one color icing.

Anonymous said...

Unfortunatly I spent a lot of my youth floating the rivers in Central Texas. The Red thing is like an onion bag. Its woven and plastic and has a draw string. Its to collect the trash, so you don't one won't be accused of "Messing with Texas!"
Heather

Anonymous said...

I'm new to CW, but I can't get enough. So I'm late to this discussion, but am I the only one who was freaked out by the straw hat man's TINY HAND?! Proportions were not this cakemaker's strong suit, nor are knees.

Anonymous said...

yes the hot water bottle is a ipsc target that looks just like this one i googled http://www.toptonfga.org/IPSC/Targets/Shoot_Target.jpg

cadylee said...

I think the red bag is a mesh "drag bag." The idea is that, if the river is cold enough, you don't bring a cooler at all; you just drag your cans behind your tube/raft in a mesh bag to keep them icy cold.

Integral Mind said...

It's a gun on top of a grenade! I didn't think it was confusing, but then the Army paid me to blow stuff up! I'm a girl who loves her explosive ordnance!

Anonymous said...

I see a poo patty on a bigger poo patty! Unless they just covered the gun in poo.

Trey & Courtney said...

Ok, maybe I'm morbid, but I saw the thing under the gun as a bottle of liquor - specifically Crown. Getting drunk and shooting guns...how much better can it get?

Anonymous said...

Do men actually think these are funny? And actual PEOPLE are marrying them?

Cupcakes Lady said...

lol I thought the golf cart was a plastic zamboni machine before I read the caption. Would have made a good combo ha ;) xx