Thursday, May 14, 2009

Chuck Norris, Bakery Defender

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Remember the Chuck Norris Facts phenomenon that blew up several years ago?

"Chuck Norris doesn't read books; he stares them down until he gets the information he wants."

"There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live."

"Chuck Norris doesn't sleep. He waits."

And so on? Well, naturally some of these made their way onto cake:




I haven't heard much about the Norris craze lately, so I assumed it had blown over. Turns out I was wrong: it just blew over to Croatia, as I learned recently from Neatorama.

See, according to the Croatian Times, a bakery there has effectively scared off all would-be burglars by placing a "life-sized" photo of Chuck Norris in their window:

Erm. Apparently their definition of "life-sized" differs slightly from mine. Also, check out the "no hacksaws" sign. [blinking] Uh, guys? What exactly is going on in Croation bakeries these days? I mean, are people seriously shopping for cake while packing sawtoothed metal??

At any rate, the pint-sized power-house's photo seems to be working: employees claim they haven't had a robbery in over a month, which they attribute to would-be thieves' "respect" for Chuck Norris.

Sure, that could be it. Or - and I'm just throwing this out there - perhaps thieves "respect" hacksaw-packing nut jobs jonesing for some carbs. Just a thought.
Leslie said...

This suddenly reminds me of one of my favorite Facebook decorations I've ever seen: "If Edward Cullen and Chuck Norris fought, Facebook would explode."

Laura said...

Maybe the "no hacksaw" sign refers to the legendary "prison cake" which includes a file baked into said cake, and is then snuck into prison.

I'm betting this bakery is right around the corner from the country's largest impoundment, and they're sick of baking hardware into their works of art.

Annette said...

made me laugh. :)

Trevor said...

Do robbers in Croatia use hacksaws as weapons or something? Seems rather ineffective to me. *shrug*

Oh, and i guess someone was trying to get the idea across that Chuck has some pretty cracked skin, but I agree, he does look like Mr. Grimm.

Rebecca F. said...

Just when I think you've posted the funniest thing, along comes another.

Chuck Norris cakes. Bwahahahaha.

And the bakery. Even more classic!

Great post.

Judy said...

Okay my curiosity got the best of me. I just had to know what exactly the sign said. So I went to a translation site and found that the best translation I could get of the sign is : This parlor is under the protection of Chuck Norris.

WV: pityn - "I'd be pityn the fool that messed with Chuck Norris" - Mr.T

Lindsey said...

Ok, the first one is pretty amusing but the rest... Um, yeah, I don't really know *what* to say about that. Um kind of at a loss for words and that NEVER happens to me! The "no hacksaw" thing makes me think of all those old movies/tv shows where an inmate would have a loved one bring them a cake with a file baked inside so they could break out of jail. Maybe that's what the sign meant? "We won't bake a file into your cake and if you ask, Chuck Norris will rain fire upon your head". LOL

Walter said...

I have never understood the whole Chuck Norris phenom. And that it made its way to wrecky cakes...UGH!

Rachel said...

Chuck Norris "facts" are alive and well in World of Warcraft as well....so sad.

Colleen said...

That is just plain weird...O_o

~Colleen
cyberrblue.wordpress.com

HorribleLicensePlates said...

Chuck Norris decorates his cakes with chainsaws and testosterone.

Angie said...

I think Chuck Norris is freaky enough in real life... to put him in cake form makes the cake inedible. And that's a crime!

JR said...

I thought that sign meant they'd be happy to bake a file into the birthday cake for your favorite convict, but a hacksaw was going to far.

Mari said...

I love the Chuck Norris stuff, pretty funny!

sendingtheclowns said...

I cannot believe this! Our 15-yr.-old son has been (over the last few months) throwing out some Chuck Norris stuff at me. I didn't get it. I still don't get it. I'd never heard of it before, and all I ever say to him about it is, "Why?"
He says that there IS no "why," and THAT is "why."

Maybe one has to be in High School or something...(?)
(I never did fit in...*pout*)

But that doesn't explain the sign in the window of a store that is presumably run by actual adults. And what DO they have against hacksaws, anyway???
=^??^=

Anonymous said...

OK, I was dying with laughter over the whole armadillo - dinosaur confusion (sorry, please excuse the Texan in me), but then I got to the Croatian bakery. I didn't think anything could top the armadillo and the resulting commentary, but that did.

Word verification: lablin. The Croatian bakery is lablin their goods "under the protection of Chuck Norris."

Melinda said...

This is just plain hilarious. Unbelieveable. Thanks for the laugh. :)

deckardcanine said...

The first cake isn't a wreck to me, as long as the recipient likes the humor. It certainly looks tasty.

I admit it: I still enjoy many goofy Norris cracks. By which I mean jokes, not the visible cracks in his face.

I would never eat a representation of his face. He might do a number on mine.

Jeremy said...

Chuck Norris doesn't use yeast in his cakes. He wills them to rise from deep within his soul.

Bailey's Leaf said...

Am I the only one who looked at the armadillo cake and thought of Steel Magnolia's? Too bad it doesn't have gray icing over a red velvet cake with a creepy lady serving it.

neonfoxtongue said...

Aw man! My husband and I were in Split, Croatia at the end of March! I wish we had seen that bakery!

For the record, Split is a really beautiful place..in fact, most of Croatia is gorgeous.

Anonymous said...

Hahahaha that is hilarious So I just had to translate that sign...this extension is under the auspices of Chuck Norris WOW

vivaELvino said...

I thought it was an armadillo, too. Do they lay eggs?

GirlAboutTown said...

LOL i love chuck norris...but dont you walk around with a hack saw? cus i bet chuck norris does. HAHA

Gilsner said...

I think the real question is... why is not having a bakery robbery in a month some great feat?!? Are theives now saying, late at night, "you know... I could really go for something sweet... I'm gonna steal me some cake"!?!? And clearly the hacksaw is so they can say "step back or the cake gets it!"... or maybe they just want to steal half a cake. You know, because they're dieting thieves?!? You just know I'm going to use one for my next cake-cutting. Surely they're onto something?

As for the Chuck Norris thing... you surely (to goodness) must try this: http://idratherbeasmartass.blogspot.com/2009/04/because-chuck-norris-can.html

Liz :) said...

I was about to say the exact same thing Rachel! LOL

robin said...

Too funny!

WV: endednay: "Ended? Nay, this is just the beginning of Chuch Norris cake protection."

Anonymous said...

OMG! Apparently there are more Chuck Norris cakes out there....http://bythelbs.wordpress.com/2009/03/11/wacky-search-term-wednesday-special-chuck-norris-birthday-edition/

Google it.

Why would you ever want to eat a cake with Chuck Norris's face on it???

joyce said...

Oh, this opens up so many possibilities as to signage on our houses, too...

wv: watin: we are still waitin' to hear what made John snort yesterday

Melinda said...

These make me laugh SO much! I bought my oldest a t-shirt that was just a giant picture of Chuck's face during that whole thing. He loved it.

sendingtheclowns said...

Rachel said...
"Chuck Norris "facts" are alive and well in World of Warcraft as well....so sad."
*********
Ahhhhh...okay, then; that explains it for me.
That (W.O.W.) is yet another thing about our son that I do not "get", although he claims that he is going to be a "PROFESSIONAL GAMER" when he is out of school.
Shooting for the big money. He can support me AND Dad!
Now I'm getting depressed--someone cut me off a hunk of that Chuck cake, please--the chocolate one, not the head one. And while I'm at it, I may as well ask: If C.N. eats dinosaur eggs instead of Easter eggs, does he at least COLOR them first?

Anonymous said...

Chuck lives just down the road. I am going to HAVE to find a way to get this to him. He will get a kick out of it... get it? :-)

Lorri said...

I'm guessing the Chuck Norris head was made useing a white chocolate English style Easter egg, like this - http://s3.envato.com/files/85828.jpg which explains the texture.

Haiku Joy said...

Hacksaws?! Don't need no
Stinking hacksaws! Chuck Norris
pic is sharp enough!

wv: hooff. Where is that equine cake entry when you need it . . .

Raychel said...

lol Chuck Norris in cake... yeah who would have ever thought.

Raychel From www.mycreativeway.blogspot.com

thisbagisnotatoy said...

I'm putting together the whole "groom's cake - armadillo - Texas - Walker, Texas ranger - Chuck Norris" thing in my own head. But I'm not sure wedding receptions are the place for word association.

Bloody Mary said...

Just saw this at the "Blog" of "Unnecessary" Quotation Marks:

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_-dk1axrNmqU/SgsDRSmff5I/AAAAAAAAHJU/Cy2A4MITPLU/s1600-h/happybirthday.jpg

"Happy Birthday"!

Anonymous said...

Haha, I live in a country bordering on Croatia (okay, so I may not be ~completely~ qualified to speak on behalf of Croatians), and I can assure you Chuck Norris is neither new nor particularly exciting to this part of the world.

Stranger things have happened in these parts, really. That Bruce Lee statue in Mostar, Bosnia and Herzegovina comes to mind, for instance.

I have no idea about the hacksaw, though.

Jillian said...

Go to Google.com

Type "Find Chuck Norris" into the search.

Click "I'm Feeling Lucky."

Teehee!

Apryl said...

*snurk*

just think of the headlines.

Hacksaw toteing bakery thief outsmarted by pint sized Chuck Norris... oh the glee

JennyKitten76 said...

The Chuck Norris stuff is alive and well in in-game chat in the World of Warcraft...I mean not that I would know or anything ;)-

Anonymous said...

Wow, the top one looks yummiful!

Anonymous said...

Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO

Susan said...

this is just the first step, next he'll be president of Texas, and then the world.

Personally, I think Chuck Norris is overrated, and idiotic for saying he'd run for president of Texas.

Maybe he should eat that armadillo "egg."

Belle o Texas said...

Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.

haslemster said...

Oh, that silly Chuck Norris. If Twilight can be translated into a billion languages, so can he! Finally!

Kev said...

So sick of Chuck Norris "facts"...

I'm sure he's a nice guy but he's not worthy of being the focal point of an internet meme that won't die.

He never was that great of an actor, he's one of those people who thinks YOUR children should be taught HIS religion in their science class, and he writes a column for world nut daily, nuff said.

Let him write his raving column in peace so I can ignore him.

Anonymous said...

I don't know, maybe it's similar to the sign I saw on a bus in Switzerland. It has a guy with a hacksaw attacking the seat...there wasn't a no slash over it though..hmmm.

Tigerwolf said...

When Chuck Norris says, "I want sprinkles," he means gunpowder.

When Chuck Norris is President of Texas, christening cakes will read, "Welcome to the Chuck Norris World."

Chuck Norris single-handedly saved El Paso from an invasion of naked Mohawk baby carrot jockeys.

The last person to make a cupcake cake of Chuck Norris...was the LAST person to make a cupcake cake of Chuck Norris.

^..^

Michelle Ames said...

How about...

Chuck Norris doesn't decorate cakes...he frosts them with an icy stare.

hehehe...

WakeGrace said...

my personal favorite is,

The Boogyman checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

The Lili Effect said...

So, where's the wrecky entry for "Jack Bower" facts. The "Chuck Norris" stuff is old news, replaced by the same silly one-liners about Keifer's character who has a really bad day once each year. ... So Jen? How 'bout it? Any "24" wrecks?

WV: "pullyzat": Pully Zat lever to get more cake.

TheSoCs said...

Chuck Sucks!

Jack sucketh not.

WakeGrace said...

also. i frequently threaten to roundhouse kick someone in the face..

Anonymous said...

The sign says "this store is under the protection of Chuck Norris"

And yes, even though they've obviously known about him for years, the whole "Chuck Norris facts" phenomenon has just recently come to ex-Yugoslavia. My Serbian friends think it's hilarious.

More hilarious though, as someone pointed out, are the Bruce Lee statue in Mostar and Jackie Chan statue in rural Serbia. Look it up, it's all true.

megan said...

sendingtheclowns...
take heart, a friend of mine has turned his gammer obsession into a very nice job as the head of a test group for blizzard (a major game company). makes a rather nice living at playing their games all day with the intent to find the bugs.
the way he tells it: "Sweet."

AVinNYC said...

This is too funny- thanks!

Heather Anne said...

Chuck Norris sleeps with a nightlight becausee the dark is afraid of him.

Maddy said...

I cross that off as a holiday destination as wouldn't survive a break without a cake or patisserie here and there.
Cheers

Heather Anne said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
JennyKitten76 said...

You don't eat the Chuck Norris cake. The Chuck Norris cake eats you.

SheR. said...

Hi, first time leaving a comment. :P

Just for everyone information, you can't buy cakes in Croatian bakeries (yes I live here).

Oh my, this Chuck Norris thingy is cracking me up. Thanks for the post!

Anonymous said...

I wouldn't mind getting the first cake for my birthday, minus the Chuck Norris banner, of course.

I'm not sure about the hacksaw sign. Maybe it's an ad; "Our cakes are so soft, you'll never need a hacksaw to cut them!"

--Blue Jean

heartspeed said...

Cake Wrecks hasn't made me LOL in awhile but today... Well it made me laugh so hard I sprayed Diet coke out my nose... Made me remember why I liked this blog in the first place.

Hyena Overlord said...

Wow, that bakery is "Every Which Way But....logical?

I want chocolate cake now. So I can go burn off it's calories on my Total Gym.

Alexa said...

Love the Chuck Norris cake about sending the sun away. And so appopriate in "Sunny" Alberta where it snowed today. That's right people snow in May.

Jennifer said...

He really deserves a bit better than what he got with those cakes. But I will give kudos that his legacy lives on. Been wanting a Norris t-shirt...had no idea I could get him in cake form! And we should all put those signs in our windows. Crime would disappear!!

"Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch. HE decides what time it is." How can you not love this stuff? Hilarious!

El Comodoro said...

Guys, I mean, who hasn't found themselves outside a bakery, hacksaw in hand?

You're hungry because, well, hacksawing is darn laborious. What's the issue, here? Don't deny your inner-hacksawer.

And any cake with Chuck Norris on it (with or without nunchaku) is a cake for me. Hyah!

www.captainjackmakesport.blogspot.com

Susan said...

Chuck Norris doesn't frost cakes. He stares at them until they freeze.

Zweiradler said...

Maybe the hacksaw sign means "we don't sell sliced bread".

Kathryn said...

I thought the "no hacksaw" sign looked more like a razor. You know the kinds people cut hair with? Maybe the bakery is just saying "we won't put razor blades in your cake, we promise". It's very considerate of them, really.

Miss Maggy said...

I think the "hacksaw" is a lighter ... for No Smoking. - Mag

Margaret said...

I didn't know anything about the chuck norris facts, but I DO have an aunt who is a chuck norris fan. About the armadillo cake: in one of the MIA movies (missing in action where the government says there are no more POWs in vietnam and he goes back and rescues some), Chuck Norris is tortured by being hung upside down by his feet, his hands are bound, and a bag with a rat is tied over his head. There is violent thrashing, and then he hangs still. When the bag is untied, his face is severly scratched and cut, and he is holding the dead rat in his mouth. I saw that movie at my Aunt's house around 20 years ago. So I am pretty sure that the creature is a rat.

Katrina said...

Judy is right. The sign says its under Chuck's protection. Best part is the people that come in asking for his autograph.
http://www.stuff.co.nz/oddstuff/2395925/Chuck-Norris-saves-bakery

JennyKitten76 said...

Megan -

"the head of a test group for blizzard (a major game company)."

* correction: THE major game company ;)

Yeah, that would be a sweet job - Blizzard is the creator of World of Warcraft, my drug of choice.

My hubby and I play, a lot, and he is starting school with the dream of working at Blizzard one day in game development.

Megan, SITC - remember, a family that games together stays together <3

Kelley Marie said...

...I think I can die now. Being single is insignificant at this point...

Milton said...

That's not airbrushing on the cake - it's blood spatter from when Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the wreckerator.

Eh - that's awkward. Anyone want to help me clean it up?

Debbie said...

That second picture looks more like Tommy Chong than Chuck Norris!

sendingtheclowns said...

megan said...

"... a friend of mine has... a very nice job as the head of a test group for blizzard (a major game company). makes a very nice job as the head of a test group for blizzard (a major game company).
makes a rather nice living at playing their games all day with the intent to find the bugs."
******************
Homework??
WHAT homework?
GET ON THAT GAME and PRACTICE!!!
=^~~^=

Ipswich McGwinnick said...

When did using Don Knotss's picture to scare off burglars go out of style?

ROYALTY said...

OMG Chuck Norris!

It would have been hilarious if they would have had a No Nail Files sign....

Meow!
http://kitty-cakes.blogspot.com/

melydia said...

Man, when I first saw the Chuck Norris photo and the reflection on the glass I could have sworn he was holding a lightsaber. Which would have been extra awesome.

CakeyGoodness said...

"You don't eat the Chuck Norris cake. The Chuck Norris cake eats you."

AWESOME! That needs to be a shirt, with the cracked Chuck Norris head next to it!

Dee said...

I wonder how many robberies that bakery had before Chuck Norris's "life-sized" picture started protecting them. If I owned a bakery and it was rare to go a month without a robbery, I think I'd need more than a picture to feel safe (my own hacksaw, maybe).

sendingtheclowns said...

@megan--
Look , you got me so excited that I copied your comment in a very flubbed-up way. way. way.
(!!!)
We're gonna be rich!
Long live W.O.W.!
Long live Blizzard Entertainment!
Long live Chuck Norris!
(Never mind that last one; Chuck can't die. But Death once had a near-Chuck Norris experience!)

tcsteger said...

unrelated to the Chuck Norris cakes but Cakewrecks was mention on Woot.com as one of their favorite time killers.

http://www.woot.com/Blog/ViewEntry.aspx?Id=8178

Papa Bear said...

I thought it was a cell phone. As in, "No camera phones, please. We don't want to end up on Cake Wrecks." It's a hacksaw? (Tilts head) OK, I guess I can see that. It makes SO much more sense now!

laterose said...

I never would have guessed that my Sunday 3D animation class (which is filled with 7-14 year old boys) would have so much in common with Croatian bakeries...

mio said...

What I want to see are Toshiro Mifune Facts cakes. (Hmm, I have a birthday coming up...)

Swords don't kill people, Toshiro Mifune kills people.

whateverfor said...

The Chuck Norris facts phenomenon is alive and well. Actually, there's a book out now with Chuck Norris and Mr. T facts. Funny stuff.

Anonymous said...

Chuck Norris facts are still funny and will be until the end of time.

"Chuck Norris can divide by zero."

aria60 said...

So that's where the Chuck Norris thing started?

I should mention fugly, it's alive and well in online games. You only have to mention Chuck Norris in trade to get a spam of CN jokes... I was in a guild once where repeating them was a /gkick offense

Tandoori said...

Oh, My Gosh! I haven't laughed so hard since ...ever! LoL You are one of a kind! :-)

Anonymous said...

Aw, I saw the headline and thought you'd be posting the Norris portrait cake I sent you awhile ago... alas, no.

sammik said...

Those things actually look like ROUS's...Rodents of Unusual Size!
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0093779/

Haha.

Nick said...

Cryptographers have a similar phenomenon - Bruce Schneier:

http://geekz.co.uk/schneierfacts/

Damian said...

I ran into Chuck Norris about 20 years ago while he was touring his chain of martial arts studios. I think that picture IS life size. to say he is short is like saying these cakes of him are strange.

Jersey Girl in Louisiana said...

haha so funny! i love this blog!

Stillapill said...

Perhaps the bakery is advertising that you don't need a hacksaw to cut their bread, cakes, etc.??

Nichole said...

That first cake looks sooo delicious...

Ann Marie said...

Awesome! And i am randomly going to Croatia and the surrounding area this summer! I wil SO be looking in the bakeries windows! I'll be sure to email pics if I find some truth to this!

Anonymous said...

I know everyone is having so much fun explaining the hacksaw, so an actual explanation might be a downer but.... 'ne pili' in Croatian means 'don't saw'...in slang it means 'don't be a pain' so maybe that's it? just guessing though

Anonymous said...

Can't believe you missed this fact, as it is cake related..."Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it."

xanaxnation said...

chuck norris can divide by zero. my 12yo son is so in to the chuck norris jokes, i found him a "page-a-day" calendar of chuck facts. funny funny.. and were not even in croatia =)

Heather said...

There is also a Facebook app that gives you a new fact every day. Watch out if you have kids, though...some of them are NOT PG.

Veronica said...

I used to work with a guy who was marrying Chuck Norris's niece. I really wish I still had his contact info, he'd get a kick out if this!!!

Fuzzy Izmit said...

Awesome... that's all I have to say about that!

Anonymous said...

Found this while on facebook.

http://www.metro.co.uk/weird/article.html?Chuck_Norris_congratulates_bakery_over_use_of_Chuck_Norris&in_article_id=668800&in_page_id=2

Anonymous said...

hi there, I'm from Croatia. the hacksaw sign has nothing to do with Chuck Norris, and it comes with a phrase that was cut off in the photo. I have no idea how to translate it :D
http://www.slobodnadalmacija.hr/Portals/0/images/2009-05-14/Mozaik/PILA.jpg

Crain Doggy Dog said...

Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas to bed.