Monday, April 20, 2009

Return of the Belly Cake

Monday, April 20, 2009

So tell me, how long's it been since you stared at a pregnant woman's naked belly?

Wow, that long? Well, have no fear! As long as belly cakes are made, I promise to never let you forget what a pregnant woman's torso looks like. Or at least a fondant-covered version of one, anyway. Consider it my personal Cake Wrecks guarantee to you.

You're welcome.

Now, you would be forgiven for seeing a bald Ziggy doll in a bib here at first. (I know I sure did.) After all, I don't think I've ever featured a belly cake with the oh-so-authentic "belly line" before.

Speaking of which: When I first saw this cake I had no idea what that line was or why it was there, since I've never been pregnant. So I mentioned it to a then-pregnant friend. My friend was quite helpful and, despite my protests, insisted on whipping up her dress to show me the line on her own belly. Which was...unexpected. Kelly R., I have you to thank for that bit of enlightenment. So thanks. Really.


I used to think that part of the belly cake's creepiness was due to its having no head. Then Melody W. sent this in:


And I totally changed my mind.

By the way, I've never seen a belly button look quite so much like a...well... belly button before. It totally looks like a tufted pillow. Or maybe the end of a giant hot dog. [head tilt] Ok, yeah: let's stick with "pillow."

You know what these belly cakes are missing, though? No, no, besides that. Sex appeal, that's what. Totally. Tune in tomorrow for a few spicy numbers that you are sure to remember far, far into the future. Like, deathbed future, even. (I'm trying to ramp up your sense of anticipation. Is it working?)
The Courteous Chihuahua said...

In answer to your question, it was just last week that a very pregnant co-worker hoisted her shirt to show off her belly which looked almost identical to the first cake. Yee gads.

autumn said...

What, really? the one with the face... did she want that or was it a suprise? Id be weirded out.

And the one with the underpants... I know youve never been preggers, but uh.. those who are THAT pregnant, dont usually wear underpants like that. Do they make maternity thongs? Either way.. EWWW!!

Stephanie said...

I have only one word: YIKES!
I think that sums it up quite nicely.

Melinda said...

Don't they know how sensitive pregnant women are? I practically cried over the fact that my baby shower cake had green trim instead of blue. Had I been greeted with any of this...it makes me shudder just thinking about it.

Baking and Mistaking said...

Ew, ew.
Remind me to never have a baby shower.
Just in case.

Matt said...

*shudder*

Anonymous said...

Seriously. What makes people think this is ok to do in cake? Can you imagine the sick comments as the cake is cut and served?

Just say no. Really. Body parts in cake is not ok!

Anonymous said...

Those are some scary cakes! Two facts that I think should be added here...
1) The "belly line" is technically called the linea negra (but not all women get them)
2) On the top cake "Mazal Tov" should actually bespelled "Mazel Tov"

Kat said...

Oh gross.

I'm due July 11 and nothing like this better show up at one of my showers!

deckardcanine said...

Apparently, a belly line is a hormonal thing that eventually fades after pregnancy. If you hadn't mentioned it, I'd've assumed it was just a clumsy trickle on the cake.

Incidentally, mere minutes ago, I saw an insinuation of a very pregnant woman having sex. Somehow, that does not strike me as acceptable.

I'm certainly loath to find pregnant women sexy. It tells me they're already taken. Of course, if I were the father, I might think differently.

Christina Bambina said...

that is just WRONG!

Acid Zebra said...

Heh, I haven't thought of Ziggy in ages. What a boring comic that was.

Also, yes, I am wondering what comes next.

Delaney said...

The one with the face is really, really....creepy...oh my, I hope she didn't know they were doing that.

XOXO said...

:::blink:::

That.
Is.
Disturbing.

On many, many levels.

I don't understand the cute panties, either. I've never heard of a pregnant woman who was concerned with her undies except for how comfortable they were.

Those do not look comfy, and I'm not pregnant.

Half Assed Kitchen said...

And what is that...erm...coffee stain on the last belly? Yuck.

Angie (from over at www.HalfAssedKitchen.com)

Molly said...

I have known pregnant women who totally wore underwear like that. They're not "maternity thongs" they're regular thongs. Most women can fit into regular underwear when they are pregnant, provided they don't expect the underwear to come up to their belly button, granny style. I have known pregnant woman who went out of their way to buy underwear that basically covers up the entire belly, but wearing whatever underwear you wore before pregnancy seems way cheaper and easier to me, thongs or no.

Still those cakes are deeply disturbing. Are you sure tomorrow's are worse?

Amaia said...

Oh, good lord. This just reminds me, once more, why I choose not to join that club.

Etiquette Bitch said...

gross, gross, and gross. pregnant women are beautiful. belly cakes are not.

jen, i'm wondering if on cw2 you might want to blur or black-bar the face, just in case the pictured mama sees this and gets upset. i used to post photos of people doing rude things in my blog (eating unpaid for food, for example), until someone pointed out that even though I shot photos in a public place, i could be sued.

mizzy N Naderiey said...

never thought that they would make a belly shaped cake. it would be very queer here in Malaysia.

the realistic details make its more ickier.

DangGina said...

Wow, I'd be pissed if they stuck my head on a pregnant cake. (And I want kids!) That's gotta be one of the creepiest cakes. Ever.

Donna said...

What's worse than a belly cake is the fact that somebody has to cut into the belly with a sharp knife...ewwwww

Rory said...

Re: Cake #1

I have been so pregnant that nothing fit...even underwear. I just never thought of tying a bandanna down there...hmm.

Christina said...

Yeah because *thats* the kind of underwear pregnant women wear!
Lol, Autumn, they DO in fact make maternity thongs. I came across some at "Motherhood" back when I was pregnant. Let me just say that underwear lines were NOT my top concern while pregnant! (And thongs, that big - sick and wrong my friends, just sick and wrong)

Ali Mae said...

One question: What, no stretchmarks? So long as we're keeping it real. . .

Meg said...

As as soon to be Baking and Pastry student, I solemnly swear to never, ever make one of these. Ever.

Carol said...

All Mae - I was thinking the same thing! A few airbrushed stretchmarks would be nice.

un-bride said...

"Who wants to perform the cesaerian -- I mean, cut the cake?!"

Anonymous said...

Ew. And ew.

It's immensely disturbing to me that at the party purportedly celebrating the impending arrival of the being in the belly, the guests EAT said belly.

Ew again.

WV: vulampr - the sound of my throwing up in my mouth a little bit at the sight of those cakes.

Madeleine said...

Speaking of babies and bellies, I'm reminded of this amusing "how to make a baby" video I just watched (yes it's work-safe): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=luf6ZepNY6o

Sara said...

I'm going to go with "dread" rather than "anticipation."

Kamity said...

Wow, suddenly I feel sexy, with 5 weeks of pregnancy left. My stretch marks are SO much more attractive than THOSE cakes. @______@

Jayme said...

I want to know where the stretch marks are on those pregnant belly cakes. I really think that if my relatives ever greeted me at my baby shower with a belly cake, I would have disowned them. And if it had been a friend? Well, we probably wouldn't be friends anymore. Yuck.

Bilby P. Dalgyte said...

There's a line? I didn't know there was a line...

Well I'm surely anticipating the deathbed bit if I'm in a situation involving a belly cake :P

Glory von Hathor said...

What Ali Mae said. Stretchmarks.

I'm thinking, red foodcolouring, or maybe they could depress strings of strawberry laces into the icing?

donkeyinawhitecoat said...

I feel terrible for that first pregnant woman who, so close to giving birth, obviously had her legs run over by a steam roller. What worse fate could befall a young mother...

:: looks at the second cake ::

DEAR GOD!

Nessa said...

This is horrible!!! lol, thanks for the laugh!

SkippyMom said...

Ali Mae - although you made me laugh...PLEASE do not give these wreckmakers anymore ideas - as gross as these cakes are, the idea of stretchmarks on a cake [Rand McNally Road Atlas Anyone?] made me throw up a lil' in my mouth.

bleech.

Anonymous said...

The only thing that could make this worse is if they made red velvet cakes. Eew!

Kid Vicious said...

No. No. No. NO. What is with the red pants? Nooooooo!

Rob W. said...

Foreshadowing - the sign of quality writing, and a sign to me to avoid this blog tomorrow. Ack!

Christina said...

well besides the fact that they spelled "mazel tov" wrong...

i love your blog... it gives me my daily laugh. :)

Dennis said...

Anticipation? No, dread.

By the way, thanks, there's an ad for a stretch mark cure at the bottom of the page - complete with pictures.

MalMal said...

As someone 22 weeks pregnant with my second child, I may just have to avoid cw tomorrow... I stare at a pg belly every day and even *I* don't want to see that!

And yes, there's a line. The line is one of many, many little details "they" don't tell you about in sex-ed. If you someday plan to have children, do yourself a favor now and just forget everything you think you know...

wv: trulnes. I'm mostly disturbed by the trulnes of it all...

homeschool mamma said...

why is there a bow on her nipple?

WakeGrace said...

I SWEAR that when im pregnant. ( not ANYTIME soon ) but when i get a shower i will request no belly or creepy baby cakes. omg.

Allie said...

Not only is the theme of the cake a wreck, they a lso spell "Mazel" wrong. Oy vey!

Suzanne Dargie said...

These are absolutely disgusting as cakes. I couldn't imagine being presented with something like this at a baby shower.
One really creepy thing is that while pregnant, a woman's sex drive actually INCREASES...which scares a lot of men, because they don't want to engage in that kind of activity with their pregnant spouse for fear of damaging the baby. The baby is well protected by amniotic fluid and all that....believe me!
Maybe that's why they put the sexy thong on the one cake.

Cristine said...

What? Belly line? WHY does pregnancy have to come with all these hidden surprises?
Someone needs to compile a list so I'm prepared when I decide to have kids.
I'd also rather not learn about these things from a cake.

Melissa (& Billy) said...

Ummm, no.

What happened to pictures of nice things on a cake, like rattles and baby carriages and teddy bears? 0_o

Guess those aren't 'edgy' and 'sexy' enough. Pleh.

Diane - DB Impressions said...

Those....eh, we'll go with "ew."

flip flop mama said...

Well it was just this morning that I stared at a pregnant woman's belly--mine--and I can assure you it doesn't look anything like those! lol Mine has many more stretch marks but still looks better than those cakes. Ewww....

Ayanna said...

@Deckardcanine: trust me, being pregnant doesn't keep guys from hitting on a woman. (Some guys see it as evidence of how far a woman will go.)

I am not sure which is worse: that wretched underwear on the first one (those panties are very "Rock of Love), or the bizarro belly-button on the second.

Whew! Wrecktastic!

Amy said...

Do we have to have them in such detail? Gag. Gross.
The second one looks like she forgot to wash under her belly button for several weeks..ewwwww!!!

~Amy B

Alison said...

Well, since the last time I saw a pregnant belly was this morning, these cakes aren't so much memory joggers. What they do for me though, is inspire the intense fear that I will be surprised by such an unfortunate piece of baked confection at my own baby shower. Here's hoping they go with a ducky or rattle...

Jumpyham said...

Gyaaaaaaaaa........scary! **Blnk Blink**
I knew I shouldn't have clicked on the post!!

Little Lovables said...

Gross! where are the stretch marks and hair b/c pregnant ladies aren't usually (not me of course) that easily thorough with shaving...

I hope they didn't stuff a baby "suprise" in the tummy of that cake...

~ L. K. said...

I can't help thinking about how much the 2nd preggie cake has no arms. And how her boobs are a little square. It's a very unfitting design. It seems as though the decorator didn't know exactly what a human body looked like.

I must admit, I'm deathly afraid of pregnancy. It's like a phobia, kinda like tokophobia. I can't stop to stare these cake. Augh! It creeps me out!!!!

(Ironic, however, is that I don't mind dissections, evisceration, you name it--I'm taking some EMT classes, and trauma photos are a breeze for me. Stabbed in the eye? Sucks. Brain splatters? Ew, but oh well.)

I also wonder what the initial reaction of such cakes are!

Kat said...

Honestly, at first look I thought that first cake was an *ahem* "enhanced" breast. With the line as the scar from the insertion surgery. I mean, c'mon -- that looks NOTHING like a belly button (but it does look like something else)! No idea what the triangle-thingie might have been, had you not said that the cake was a belly and the triangle was underwear.

And because I have a morbid sense of humor, I really want these cakes to be red velvet inside. Perhaps with red gel icing between the layers. Heehee!

sues2u2 said...

That last one was extremely disturbing! *shudder* Glad it wasn't for me, I probably would have cried my eyes out.

katy said...

I made the mistake of reading this post while eating my lunch... and now I may not keep it down. These are just gross!

Sherene said...

What do the cakes look like when you cut into them?

A truly wrecktacular cake would be made of red velvet, with a hollowed out spot in the belly and a fetus shaped cake insterted into it. That would fabulous.

CakeEater said...

Rock 105.3 has a pregnant bikini pageant "Missed Period 2009" every year....I think number 1 is a contestant.

azurelunatic said...

The thong-belly one looks like a very bizarre baseball cap to me. You've got the cap, the button at the top of the cap, a seam, and then the visor, although the visor is weirdly triangular and trimmed with lace.

Janine said...

I say, if you are going to make one of these belly cakes, they should be made out of red velvet, have some sort of gelatin filling, and of course have a baby doll stuck inside of it. Gross? Absolutely, but if you are going to do it, why not go all the way.

Vanilla said...

I think the first one with the Victoria's Secret-worthy panties had sex appeal. Albeit of the more perplexing variety.

But seriously, bad enough having a belly cake, then you got to add sexy panties, THEN underneath that was "Mazel Tov!" WTF?

Whenever I get knocked up, I'll just want a sheet cake, thankyouverymuch. No frills, no lofty designs. It just needs to taste good. I'm a simple gal with simple tastes. Yellow cake with chocolate icing, please. Nom.

Anonymous said...

Well isn't this nice...the thought and sentiment that was put into serving a BELLY cake? Good Lord, what next? How about we start serving up a 'beer gut, hairy chest, no butt' cake for certain men at their prime age? LMBO Now that would be a cake to remember...

The Angry Jackalope said...

My baby shower had cupcakes. I asked for about 1,000 red velvet cupcakes, no naked carrot riding babies, no cutesie toppers, no edible images of me/my belly. And that's what I got, folks. A ton of cupcakes and life was good.

Cassandra said...

When the page loaded I didn't see the undies on the first one, just the belly, and I thought it was the head of a bald guy with a mole growing out the top.

holly said...

I'm just glad I had a pretty sheet cake that looked like a handmade quilt, in soft blues, greens and yellows. It was quite nice looking as baby cakes go. I do think that pregnant women are beautiful (and thankfully, so did my husband 22 & 17 years ago!) but the belly cakes, not so much.

Leslie said...

I thought it looked like a belly wearing a bandana lol

Mary~Momathon said...

where are the stretch marks?

AverageMom said...

NASTY. That's the only word for a cake that has a belly button (which tends to be full of lint) and a "pregnant" line on it.

Sarah in Israel said...

Regarding the spelling of Mazal/Mazel, in Israel it's pronounced Mazal (and with the accent on the second syllable). I think the "Mazel" pronunciation is Yiddish, not Hebrew, especially since the stress is on the first syllable. So, maybe the bride is Israeli? Or a stickler for Hebrew language?

Jennifer said...

These poor women...

Pregnant woman #1 appears to have a serious case of the frontal wedgie. Oy.

Pregnant woman #2 appears to have a serious case of belly jaundice. Better have that checked out, STAT!

"MazAL Tov" looked wrong to me, but according to Wikipedia, it's an acceptable spelling. : shrug:

Stacy said...

um....besides the fact that, when you're THAT preggo, you're usually sporting some beautiful granny panties not a lacy thong, they also spelled "MAZAL TOV" wrong. It's MAZEL TOV. LOL

Lura said...

So I can see some twit thinking it would be funny to order such a cake. But what kind of sick puppy actually says, "Sure, I can do that!" Maybe it makes them feel god-like, shaping a woman's belly, but that whole process, including the end result, is just. so. wrong.

Megan said...

This is my first comment, although I've been reading for a few months now.. Never have I been SO grossed out by anything so much as these belly cakes!!!!!! I've had two babies recently and while I adore the female body, even the button-line (though I didn't get one with either) these are SOOOOOOOO gross looking!!!! And to sexualize the one with the lingerie, and the poor woman who's face was on the second!?!? HORRENDOUS! Please God, do not be red velvet cake under the icing!
(oh, and yes, they do make pregnancy thongs).

Comic said...

I think the Mazal-Tov on the top one is the weirdest part for me.

cgreyd said...

I do have to say that I find it remarkable that only one person has commented on the corsage!!! It's totally my favorite part! Ridiculous!

I do have to say also that I was wondering if there was a baby (doll or fondant?) inside the belly... GROSS.

For the record, pregnancy is beautiful, and these cakes are hilarious, but I don't know If I would inflict either one of these on a woman who is preggers. She would be in tears, or depending on how hormonal she is, she might go into premature labor from either laughing so hard or from shock!

sendingtheclowns said...

*YAWN*
I'm sure this whole babybump gig was original ONCE UPON A TIME, but MAN--talk about overdone to the point of being trite/corny. I can't envision anyone actually thinking, "Oooo! That is SO wild!"
And by-the-by, I think the last belly button looks like an anus with a peanut stuck in it.
I can't wait to see what tomorrow brings; the "spicy" teaser/hint is like waiting for the other shoe to drop...! =^??^=
I'm guessing it'll be along the lines of out-and-out pornocakeography! Am I warm?

Anonymous said...

Oh my god.

Is nobody else weirded out that they chose to go through the trouble of drawing on a lace trimmed thong when they could have just done jeans or solid color pants? Sick.

(aside from all the other obvious disgusting factors) haha

Anonymous said...

Mazel tov is spelled wrong, too.

pudenda shenanigans said...

The best part is the lacy red underwear on the first one. Good GRIEF.

Samantha Suzuki Photography said...

To all you pregnant women out there, let these cakes be a lesson...email me and arrange to have maternity portraits taken. It's a far better way to focus on your baby bump. I mean really, you want people thinking about these images when they think of you pregnant?

Anonymous said...

Perhaps neither lady has stretch marks! There are those that are so fortunate. A girl I work with has a 2 year old and nary a stretch mark (and I've done her bikini waxes so I know...) and a rockin' bod. She's young enough to be my daughter and I so wish I'd looked like that with a toddler!

Anonymous said...

Quote from my 6 year old daughter:
"Eww! and I mean EWWW!"

Shoeaddict said...

This truly scares me since I'm pregnant with our first child. I hope I don't look like that OR get one of those cakes at the shower.

Patti said...

Actually, non-pregnant women have a linea negra too. It's just significantly less apparent prior to pregnancy (and the appearance, of course, will vary depending on skin tone).

Kim Nath said...

I think these were more offensive than the grody toe ones. Love this site by the way, totally cracks me up!

thecatskillkiwi said...

it would almost be worth getting myself pregnant just so i could insist upon having THIS cake!
awesome

Trooper Thorn said...

I'm sure there is a website out there for guys who have just this particular fetish (pregnant cakes). You could make a fortune.

Anonymous said...

Ah jeez, these cakes are so horribly TACKY! Can't anyone come up with a decent baby shower cake? If my friends brought me one of these monstrosities, I'd clobber her over the head with it. At least it provides us with entertainment, though, eh? ;)

Susan T-O said...

Whenever I see belly cakes, or any cake that resembles a realistic animal or baby, I can't help but imagine somebody really crossing the line and using a Red Velvet Cake for it. Or one of those chocolate cakes with the oozy filling, like a volcano cake.

Lynn said...

Thank goodness the decorators spared us the STRETCH MARKS on those cakes... they are all horrid anyway and therefore, Cake Wrecks !

Julie said...

To answer your question, I actually get to see my fair share of pregnant bellies, being a photographer! I've had 2 in the last week!

Trish said...

First off, yes, they make maternity thongs. Being how I CANNOT stand granny panties, I scooped myself up some thongs at the maternity clothing store ASAP after my non-pregnant drawers got too confining. They were not, however, frilly, lacy or any way, shape or form sexy but WAAYY comfy!!

On a different note, preggo belly cakes seem all the rage (ick!!), but where are the...after the birth...saggy belly, puckered up stretch mark, where'd the heck did my belly button go? belly cakes? Now THAT would be a huge dose of reality in cake form. Probably even less appealing than preggo cakes, though. Oh well, just a thought!

CaryJ said...

Perhaps these cakes were actually meant to deter the recipient from becoming pregnant. ;) Would have worked for me. Especially that last one. Hoo boy.

Amy said...

I don't know what is worse, that the cake wrecker couldn't spell Mazel Tov, or that they wrote it essentially between the pregnant woman's thighs.

green said...

Anticipation or fear?

Natalie said...

Sickgross. And, what's the deal with the pink pashmina wrap (?) on the second one? Where are her arms?

Twasthebrilligandtheslithytoves said...

holy mother of god, these are scary....

wildstorm said...

Oh my. I had three baby showers last month and am so grateful that a belly cake was not served. lol

Katrina Busse said...

I think the most disturbing part of this cake is not, infact, the belly... but the muscle woman legs. What is she doing to get that kind of tone in her thighs?

Tig said...

Is that censor bar over the mother-to-be's eyes new? I don't remember it yesterday. Can't say I don't blame her though... i wouldn't want anyone to know that was my cake... yuck!

Anonymous said...

Seriously? Over 100 comments and nothing yet about "Hans Solo"? Was it done on purpose? Either way, please leave it.

Mira8 said...

OMG what is wrong with people? Is it just me or do these look disgusting?

Stacy said...

typically "mazal tov" is spelled mazel tov. You got a two-fer. A creepy cake and a mith-spelling. ;)

-s.j.

alicia said...

ACK. i've been preggers, and my belly did NOT look like the crimped up end of a hot dog. that thing is going to give me nightmares!

wv - riversin: the direction my breakfast went when i saw that cake!

Anonymous said...

who cares about the spelling of mazel tov??

Technically, it is the wrong "wish" for pregnancy anyway.

That is the real wreck.

Dhr. DeLuxe said...

What bothers me most is that the first cake is of a pregnant MERMAID...

(Ironically, the 'word verification' word with this post is 'satan'!)

Dhr. DeLuxe said...

*edit* Satan is ironic, for it's 'Natas', Latin for 'birth' when spelled backwards.

Anonymous said...

I made this cake and it was one of my first... when the mom asked me to do it I was blown away. Why would you want to eat your pregnant daughter?
The truely funny part of this was the delivery... I had my 4 and 6 yr olds with me and my 6yr old freaked out and said the cake was staring at her and my 4yr old said...It is posed too it is a peoples.

Anonymous said...

Dude, I had a cake from the lady who made the face belly cake and it was fullll of eggshells.

Cupcakes Lady said...

Pregnant women are truly beautiful. But a belly cakes ...not a chance. lol ;) xx