Monday, February 9, 2009

This'll Cure that Freaky Fetish

Monday, February 9, 2009

Well, not THAT one - what do you take me for, a miracle-worker? Sheesh.

No, I mean the one with the footsies. And don't try to deny it, 'cuz I know you're out there: loitering around the pedicure station, being overly helpful at the Payless, getting WAY too excited about peep-toe pumps coming back into style - yeah, you know who you are. Well, my foot-fondling friends, it's time for a little sole searching.

And for the rest of you: put down that coffee and prepare to skip breakfast (or possibly revisit it, depending on your constitution).

This is a groom's cake, which begs the question: is the groom really that enamored with his own toe hair? And I know there's no good way to show severed appendages, but those ankle stumps are freaking me out juuust a little.

Side note: The words "cake" and "ankle stumps" should never, EVER, be used to describe the same thing.

Hahahahahaha! See, it's like a dead person's feet! With a toe tag! To remind you of your own mortality! Isn't that hysterical? Hahhahahaha!

Right. Two things:
1) What's up with the blue drapey bits?
2) Just for fun, try to imagine the position you'd have to be in to get your feet at that angle.


There is only one word to describe this next one:

AAAAUUUUGGGHHH!!!

Yep, that sums it up nicely, I think.

Then there's the delectable world of toe fungus, which I think you'll all agree is not only a great ice-breaker at parties ("Hey, wanna see something cool?"), but also really hits the spot come dessert time.

That Dr. Pachman, he's such a fun guy, don't you think? Eh? Fungi? Eh? Booyah!

I'm not sure why he would order a "cake" made from upholstery foam, though: that somehow detracts from the otherwise yummy-looking toenails.

Side note: Dr. Pachman is quite possibly the coolest doctor name ever. Right up there with Dr. Spacemen.

Ok, guys, this is it: time for the most disgusting, fungus-riddled foot cake mine eyes have seen. Proceed with extreme caution and strong intestinal fortitude.






Urp.

What's more horrifying: the green bugs crawling under the toenails...[pausing to swallow repeatedly]...or the fact that this is for a girl? Poor Teresa: I don't think the pretty pink icing nearly makes up for that yellowish... gelatinous...layer....

[sound of running feet]

UPDATE: Whew! Sorry, folks: my constitution just gave out, if you catch my drift. On the plus side, I just may lose those 5 pounds this week!

Hey, Sara S., Julie R., Christina B., and Jessica M., it's time to cut loose. Foot loose.
Jen said...

EEEEEWWWWWW!

That's all I can say.....just EEEEWWWW!

Kate said...

and yet again, you succeed in making the quality readers of this fantastic blog ill before 10:00am. Awesome. I want a foot cake for my birthday. Here's a great question though, if you give a podiatrist a foot cake for his birthday/retirement, what kind of cake do you give a proctologist? A piece of ass? just asking.

Leslie said...

I'm going with dead ballerina on that second cake. Isn't that first position or something? (and I think the blue drapey bits are the blue drapey thing they cover corpses with).

The Warden said...

I couln't believe that there could be something worse than the CW#4, but EWWW! I thank you, my diet thanks you! I definitely won't be hungry this week.

Baking and Mistaking said...

Oh wow. Wow.
I no longer want breakfast.
And that NEVER happens.

bakingandmistaking.blogspot.com

Hyena Overlord said...

Thank god...I was looking for some diet motivation.

Those cakes are gross.

wv monyles...the toes with fungus need monyles..b.i.d. for 3 days.

AmazonAngie said...

Wow.... just wow..... that's all I can muster up to say......

Justfrosting said...

Just when I think it cannot get any worse and you cannot get any funnier...

(Wiping away tears of laughter)

Thanks for a great start to the week.

Feywriter said...

What is wrong with these cake-makers??

*feels nauseous* I would never be able to cut into one of those... Let alone take a bite.

The Imaginary Reviewer said...

The one with the erect toe is brilliant! Who gets to eat the gammy toe?

Elizabeth Douglas said...

I believe those blue drapery bits might be little blankets...maybe it's "cold feet" a morbid groom's cake or something?

The Courteous Chihuahua said...

The first cake reminds me of
the lady whose feet were maimed by the Walmart flip flops *not for the faint of heart or weak of stomach*

The second one reminds me of the Don Martin drawings in Mad Magazine

Dorkus Malorkus said...

Wow, that just kept getting worse and worse! Not good, first thing in the morning!

Cmdr.Adama said...

I prefer a delicate girly severed foot, with no bugs on it mmmmm.

The Queen of Fifty Cents said...

Lord have mercy.

I feel like I've come full circle...the first post I saw of your blog was the bound foot cake thing. Ig.

Half Assed Kitchen said...

Oh. Ugh. Yeah. I'd like the knuckle piece please! Or possibly the flaky heel.

Gross.

Angie (from over at www.HalfAssedKitchen.com)

Danielle said...

What's worse, ankle stump or no ankle stump? That smoothed-over part where the ankle should be is the part that makes me the most queasy.

joyce said...

EEEEEeeeewwwwwwuuuu. Gross. "Sure, give me a slice off the big toe.....never mind. I'm not hungry anymore."

Anonymous said...

Ahhh!!! I think I'm horribly scarred for life.

Alisa Knits! said...

Wow. I was hungry...

utaduta said...

wow. like wow. insteed of asking for the rose slice i'll take the big toe fungus slice! yummy!

a.h. marie said...

AAAAAHHHHHUUUUUGGGGGGG. Way to start my monday!!!

maria said...

i must say though, the toetag and "meta-toe-sal" cakes are very well made.

knitorpurl said...

Each of these defy explanation. What would possess someone to order and eat dead feet or diseased feet?

ad said...

GAH! GAH! GAH! GAH! GAH!

D.B. Echo said...

BLEEEEEEAAAAUUUUUUUUUGHHHHHCCCCCHHHHHHH.

I'm gonna go watch that "Lazy Town" video a few times, and try to forget about this.

Blalock said...

That was horrible! Absolutely horrible. I completely lost my appetite! No baking for me today.

Willow Tree said...

Um, I think I threw up a little in my mouth. Whoa...

Seriously?? You can't make this stuff up!

~Carolynn

Angie P said...

while these a great...it's SO WRONG....just so wrong! something should not be cakes! Thanks for a great start to my week

Donna said...

Only more disturbing was the severed toe cake that was served at a Lebowski Fest.

Doublebanker said...

Never eating a cake foot...it was on my resolution list this year!

Poor drivers, 4 parts to come

More daily gifs here

Nanette said...

Ugh, gross............ Who would even consider making a toe fungi bday cake, even as a joke??? Ew! LOL, Yes I agree, poor Teresa!!

Etiquette Bitch said...

Dis-gusting! Yecch. Not only should cccs be outlawed, but foot cakes should, as well. yecch.

Katie said...

Quite possibly the most disgusting cakes! Who would order those?!?!?!?!
Katie

white-tean said...

Surprisingly, I'm finding those green bugs fairly adorable. Wouldn't want feet cake though.

Sophia said...

oh my dear goodness.
who DOES these things?
and i agree with everyone else, my diet thanks you.

amyd said...

When will people realize that a cake designed in the form of one body part is a really bad idea? Ew.

(Although I have to say I found Wayne's dislocated toe a little funny. Still wouldn't want to eat it though.)

Cirrus said...

I may be ill.....WHY would anyone do that? What is to be gained from food (and I use that term loosely) that looks like nasty feet? As I get older, I realize more and more that most people are really weird....this just solidifies that.

Lisa said...

Gross! Just the words "foot cake" have wreck written alllll over them!

Wild Cakes said...

I'm disappointed Jen... how could you not include the Chinese Lotus foot cake http://www.flickr.com/photos/52702311@N00/113803423/ with this bunch?? LOL
Or Debbie's foot fetish cake? http://www.flickr.com/photos/debbiedoescakesnet/3259190478/

LOL... fabulously funny post as usual!

WatsonFamily said...

Sick and Wrong!!

Emily said...

I think it's ironic how all the cakes depicting things that are inherently revolting (toe fungus) or horrifyingly misguided (bride replicas and pregnant torsos) actually tend to be really nicely executed creations that remain impressive works of art, even while you wonder what kind of person would ask for such a thing. Whereas the really awful wreck-y ones started out with basically innocuous or traditional premises but took a steep nosedive downhill. I'm kind of curious to see a badly executed bad idea, like a half-melted, misshapen foot with airbrushed fungus that seems to have spread over half of the instep instead of being confined to the toenail, and lettering that started off on the ankle stump and ran out of room halfway down the heel, while misspelling the word "the".

Maybe the problem is that the badly executed bad ideas end up so unrecognizable that it just ends up as a Rorschach cake?

shaibaer said...

I wonder if those are Jam filled cakes??

tantra flower said...

Wayne's Meta-toe-sal is a work of art. The attention to detail is very impressive -- I mean the dorsum ridges look so natural I almost didn't notice them.

Anonymous said...

Well shoot. It has become my habit to check this blog and my email every morning while I eat my breakfast bar. This morning made me realize that I may need to change my routine a little. Ugh.

Dinner/Dishes/Drinking said...

*GAG* So much for breakfast!

MelissaBee said...

Ummm, I was a little disturbed when I saw the last cake was from Rick's Bakery! Thats where I got my wedding cake! LOL

Lindsey said...

Okay, by the time I got to the last one, my hand was over my mouth and a look of horror emerged.

Eww!

Sharon said...

Two and three are actually excellent cakes. Feet are tough to get right. My high school art teacher said if you got good at drawing your hands and feet, you could draw anything. They're puzzling tho. The individual foot blankets...maybe someone agreed about the stumps, although I like Elizabeth's cold feet groom cake explanation. And the second looks like a get well cake. Metatarsal is a long bone deep inside the foot, so why did they raise the fourth toe up? Wouldn't just the presence of a set of toes do for the pun?

piecemeal people said...

A dead person's feet? I...I just...what the...I cannot even BEGIN to imagine an occasion for which such a cake would be appropriate. Any back-story with that one? Why oh why do I even want to know...please don't tell me it was for a wake.

Delaney said...

I bet the one with the blue thing is a baby cake and that's a blue baby blanket with darling little baby feet. Except they're not darling and they're not little, of course.

Darla said...

Wow, good thing I looked at this new post before eating breakfast. On the plus side, I now have no appetite at all! :)

I Love Baby Quilts! said...

I wasn't really all that grossed out until I saw Wayne's toe. That's just weird. I guess he broke his toe? Just...weird.

MJS said...

It makes you wonder about the cakes for dermatologists -- Dr Pitts, Dr Skinner, Dr Whitehead, Dr Spot, Dr Rash, Dr Cheek, Dr Frye (burn specialist), Dr Tanner at
http://www.u.arizona.edu/~stoddard/doctor.htm

Dana said...

"Side note: Dr. Pachman is quite possibly the coolest doctor name ever. Right up there with Dr. Spacemen."

My husband had a professor in college named Dr. Doom. I kid you not.

SchrodingersDuck said...

When's the metatarsal one from? Only I think it might be a reference to an incident a couple of years ago involving a footballer called Wayne Rooney - at the time, star striker for England. He broke the fourth toe in his right foot just before the 2006 World Cup, but went on to recover just in time.

Of course, then he didn't score a single goal and ended up being disqualified for stamping on a Portuguese player, so it wasn't quite so inspirational...

Ezanee said...

You've shown many, many, many nauseatingly horrible cakes on this blog, most of them really funny, but this is the first time I've felt the urge to rinse my eyes, gargle mouthwash and take a long shower, and call my mom to ask how she's doing, in that order. Oh, the fungus.

Keep 'em coming! Hold the feet...

El Comodoro said...

I hope this will prompt serious discussion of a checklist for cake purchasers. I mean, a cake is not the place for memento mori. It's just not. The toe tag cake, no matter how well received at Jerry's birthday party down at the morgue, should never have been attempted in the first place. "I'm sorry, ma'am, but #7 on the checklist specifically forbids portrayal of a cadaver in fondant. How 'bout a buttercream puppy?"

WV Unerapsy: The removal of feet from a corpse during a postmortem examination.

Mella said...

Dexter cakes

thezeninyou said...

OMG...I just can't take it! First, I just hate feet! Second, why on earth would anyone want a foot cake??? The "dead feet" horrible and the bugs...so gross. I am baffled...I need a drink now!

Dani said...

At first I was all ha ha intestinal fortitude. But as I got further down the page a disgusted sneer grew on my face and I really don't want my breakfast rite now.

Amy said...

Okay, the cake for Dr. Pachman (cool name BTW) is understandable. The good Dr and his cohorts have to have strong stomachs anyway. But can black mold really grow between your toes?

"The worms crawl in, the worms crawl out.."

The foot fungi with the bugs is just too real looking. I would NOT eat one bite of that cake. Gag me. (Ewww..I mean, like, how 80s is that?)

~Amy B.

Julie said...

Eeeewww!! I'm not a fan of seeing feet, but eating them?! Blech!

Now all I hear in my head is Ross's line from Friends, "It tastes like FEET!" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tr0LmCTSdI0

Meagan said...

why feet!?
*cringe*

Rosie_Kate said...

Oh my. People are weird. And... gross!

It's almost unbelievable.

Ick!

wolfmom said...

What were they thinking???This takes EEWWWWto a new level.

The comentary...as always, hysterical.

WV:(really) hurten...as in, the cakes be really hurten.

orianna2000 said...

There's a commercial for foot fungus medicine that shows animated little green bugs that crawl under the toenail and take up living with their friends. That must be what that final cake is about!

On a side note, I used to have a dermatologist named Dr Whitehead.

kara said...

Sometimes I wonder how people can cut into and eat their elaborately made, beautiful, expensive cakes. I guess this is the solution to keeping people from destroying the "art". I can't imagine too many people wanting to chomp their way into these...

cookeatreadsleep.blogspot.com

Scritzy said...

Barf.

Literally. Barf.

Susan's Scribbles said...

Oh. My. Words just cannot express . . .

Suzanne Dargie said...

I wonder why someone would call their metatarsal a metaTOEsal....I guess it's some sort of inside joke.
These cakes REALLY got me! I had to put my coffee down and Thank God I had already finished lunch!

purple-goat said...

Those green guys on the last cake look like Digger the Dermatophyte from the Lamisil commercials.

Barf.

Jovy said...

These cakes will haunt me for many years to come. EEEWWWWWW!

Nakia said...

Anon from 12:06:

I think you are taking Cake Wrecks entirely too seriously.

I also believe we are all aware that they are cakes and made with sugar and butter and so on. That doesn't mean we can't be revolted, amused, puzzled or delighted by the subject matter.

And the sexism comment was just way over the top. Some people read way too much into a comment on a humor blog!

Kirby3131 said...

Normally I don't get nauseous when you post gross cakes - but these really were disturbing. The last one with the green fellas under the nails -- I can't imagine what they were thinking. yuck yuck yuck

However, I looked at these half a dozen times, so I guess I was entertained LOL

as always I love this blog.

Jerod Poore said...

I think the cakes for doctors are quite nice. As Emily wrote they are well executed at all. Then again I grew up around doctors and worked as a gofer for the pathology department of a county hospital one summer.

Leslie is correct about the feet in the second cake being that of a dead ballerina, or gymnast, or generally bendy person. Any such person could easily be in such a position at their time of death and be stuck like that during rigor mortis if they were brought in if still stiff. If that was the pathologist's / medical examiner's favorite 'patient,' especially in the war stories doctors tell each other at parties, it would make sense for the staff to get a cake like that.

As for removing someone's feet during an exam, I dealt with a cadaver where that was done. It is far too gross to discuss here and couldn't be reproduced as a cake in any event.

Ellen said...

Dr. Spaceman!!!
I should have known you were a 30 Rock fan.
that makes me like you even more...if thats possible.

Amy said...

Thank you..Cheerios are not fun the 2nd time around..haha

Julianna said...

I hate feet. I can't imagine thinking about a cake shaped like a foot especially with some of those other things. I don' think I'll be finishing my lunch today. Thanks.

YYYUUUUUCCCCCCKKKKK!!!

Jumpyham said...

That will keep me from eating cake ever again. I agree with you. EEW! ICK! who would wanna eat something like that, let alone make it? What was running through those Wreckarator's minds at the time? I ask you, where is their sanity, bottled up in a jar somewhere?

Thanks, I got the ranting out!

Debbi said...

Oh, wow. Just wow. I never, ever thought I would actually be *wishing* for a CCC ... but I am ...

The world has ended as we now know it.

MommyAmy said...

O... M.... G....

So nasty!

Rageoline said...

The last one reminds me of those really gross Lamisil commercials. You know the one, where the gross bacteria thing lifts up the person's toenail (made me cringe every time): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WI9J7MoBZbY

Bohemia Momma said...

That is definately disgusting! But I do have to agree. Those little blue blankets are probably that sheet thing they cover corpses with.

EmBee said...

Dr. Pachman? Not as cool as Dr. Space-Invaders or Dr. Q*bert.
:-)

Anonymous said...

Oh God, these seriously made me gag. How can you LOOK at those, let alone EAT them? eewww!

Ted S. (Just a Cineast) said...

I figured the blue-blanket cake with the toe tag was for pathology students, or maybe a party for a coroner.

Denise said...

When I saw the first foot, I knew it would be gross. I did NOT expect my stomach to do flip flops (hardy har har) with that awful bug one.

Come on people!!!! Common sense dictates that cake plus feet equals disgusting.

Gina said...

Actually, the coolest doctor name ever was my psychiatrist. Dr. Hu. Pronounced Who. I used to see Dr. Who for my brain.

Anonymous said...

A foot cake with a French pedicure? How classy!! These, er, creations are almost enough to make me swear off cake forever. Well, almost......

Shmana said...

I am not easily disgusted, so you deserve some kind of medal for reducing me to holding my stomach and alternately laughing and repeating "oh my god" over and over and over...


Seriously. OMG.

Joanne said...

Those was absolutely some disgusting cakes. But you really made looking at them enjoyable.... it one could find looking at feet enjoyable.

redraven said...

I have just one question...WHY? What on earth would convince someone to order and present cakes like these?!! I have a wacky group of friends and family, all with a fairly odd sense of humor, but I don't know that they would find these particularly funny (or edible).

diane said...

I want to thank you Jen. I have been wanting to start a diet and now I don't think I can ever eat cake again.

Jo said...

OK, now I'm not so concerned with all the junk I had for lunch. I do believe it all completed it's return visit. Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!

Anonymous said...

You know, you'd think a cake blog would be safe to visit while I'm eating.

Those have to be the worst wrecks ever. Who would want *feet* cakes?! On the plus side, it's a great thing to wake up to when you're starting a diet. X_x

Heather said...

Oh my god. That is completely and totally disgusting, I don't think I'm going to eat lunch now...

Ctal said...

This set is my worst nightmare. lol

ros said...

Nah, Schrodinger's Duck. It was David Beckham who broke his fourth metatarsal, not Wayne Rooney.

Amanda said...

You might as well just end your blog today, you will never find a worse cake than those fungus ones. What the heck?

Tammy said...

Never thought I'd say this, but these cakes almost make the internal organ cakes look slightly appetizing in comparison.

(Almost).

Gak!

Jen H said...

.... I was hungry for lunch. Now I think I'll wait. EWWWWWWWWW!!!!

rustydaisymom said...

UCK! Bugs crawling out from under toenails, cake has never made me physically ill until today.

Krissy said...

Those are DiSgUsTiN!!!

But more than anything, I'm excited that I finally just 3 minutes ago figured out what the WV thing is that so many people type in their comments!!! Woohoo!

Anonymous said...

This is great!! I don't think I will be craving cake fora good long while now! Thank you for helping me stick to my diet!

Beth said...

Gross! But I love your blog~

Sophia Nightengale said...

HURL

nc said...

I thought the blue bits on the one cake were pieces of the hospital robe thingy

Calantha said...

You need to have one heck of a sense of humor to be able to smile and then EAT those cakes, especially the one with BUGS crawling around. Makes me glad that I ate lunch hours before reading this.

Anonymous said...

Those are bad, though I think the meta-toe-sal one is kinda cool as a sculpture. The last one with the green infection bugs was nasty, but doesn't beat some of those older foot cakes like the binded, sickly looking one from awhile ago...

roisin said...

there is a doctor here in London, Ontario named
Dr. Death. pronounced 'Deeth'.

Brianna! said...

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!
Oh my gosh who in their right mind would eat this crap?

Hold the Monkeys said...

The nails on the first one are HUGE!!

cokewithdrawl said...

Jen, I love your blog and it's the first thing I check when I come home from work (ok, it's maybe the third thing but close enough). I agree with everyone here that feet should not be cake, but after reading the intro to this entry, I did just want to say that not everyone with a foot fetish is some creepy weirdo who hangs around shoe stores and collects shoe catalogues under his bed. Some are very normal... I should know, I'm going to be married to one!

I shall continue to faithfully read this blog, I love the wedding cake wrecks!

StuffCooksWant said...

Who even thinks up this stuff? If I didn't see them for myself, I'd think you were making it up...foot cakes with fungus toes...seriously. Sick.

Anonymous said...

Okay, you guys are all aware that these cakes were meant to be a joke, and hideous on purpose, right? RIGHT?

Karen said...

Oh man, feet are the WORST body part to make out of food. Seriously. I hate feet, what would possess you to eat some feet-cake!?

The Schaeffer Family said...

Your site should be train wrecks because I can't look away no matter how gross. This one takes the 'cake'!

YUCK!!!

Christine said...

The freaky bent-toe one was the worst because the foot looks so real!

Yucky.

Christy Joy said...

30 Rock reference AND cakes of feet? This remains my favorite blog.

Rhea said...

The only thing tat is more disturbing than a severed limb....is a diseased severed limb.

cheryl-bites said...

Diseased toenails? Fine.
Dead people? Fine.
Little green monsters? Fine.

But someone made a cake of (presumably) Wayne Rooney's feet?

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGHHHH!!!!!!!!!

Charlene said...

I love when people named "Death" claim their name should be pronounced "Deeth" or that it was once "D'Eath" or "De Ath". It's pseudo-genteel nonsense meant to cover up something that doesn't need covering up.

The surname "Death", pronounced just like the word, comes from the medieval pageant plays where the same actors played the same roles every year and often assumed their role name as a surname. Maiden, Death, Bishop, Pope, Queen, King, Virgin, etc. are all medieval pageant names.

Toby said...

Talk about "baring your soles". Ewww.

Sara said...

So very freaky.

Jenn said...

Well, these are just hideous. But I am wondering...are the little green bugs perhaps from that Lamisil commercial (that I personally hate and run from the room whenever it is on)??? www.lamisil.com

twitchywoman said...

I would totally not eat any of those cakes! I hate feet, I hate touching them, I won't even touch my own. Blech!!

Aviatrix said...

I would never doubt that Jen could come up with a severed foot cake, but five distinct severed foot cakes, each worse than the last? I kept scrolling down in astonishment. That really takes the cake. Take it, please. I sure don't want any.

Emily, exactly: a poorly rendered diseased foot cake would be indistinguishable from a poorly rendered turtle cake or a poorly rendered Batman cake, so you would never know.

This is one batch of cakes where no one will dispute Jen's judgement with respect to wreckiness.

Emily said...

A friend of mine has a dentist named Dr. Fang!

Dandelion said...

The Wayne one is of course referring to Wayne Rooney, the footballer, our only hope for the 2006 world cup.

I think that one is not too bad, at least it looks clean. Ditto for the death one.

Alicia said...

My face went into perma-ick-frown reading this. WHY would someone want a foot cake? I just...I can't even imagine...just ew.

Kritter Krit said...

The "imagine what position your legs would have to be in..." comment made me hork a tic-tac onto my keyboard.

GOOD stuff. =)

Fluffy Cow said...

I'd comment... but I can't stop laughing.

Jenn said...

the infection bugs remind me of a commercial from a while ago.

But all of these don't make me want cake today. Which is rare.

WV: quitype.... which is what I will be doing now to prepare for bed!

Ali said...

are those little "bug" things bugs or frogs cuz they look like frogsD:

Der said...

omg that IS toe hair! I thought it was henna (mehndi) at first...

JAMIE'S CREW said...

All I have to say is "WHY?"

Marie said...

I can't even stand to watch a Lamasil commercial; now there's an edible version? Make sure you post if anyone ever sends in an edible Mucinex ad.

JoeyfromVA said...

gross!! lol..that's a weird cake!

I found your blog through amber on flickr! aimistrue

Great blog!

Sleepydumpling said...

I actually find nice feet sexy, but I don't want them anywhere near cake!

jackie31337 said...

Feywriter said... What is wrong with these cake-makers??

Forget the cake makers, what's wrong with the people who requested these cakes in the first place?!

Clair said...

stomach churning moments abound with this blog. Gotta love it!

Ann (Miss Sweetstory) said...

Yuck, yuck, yuck! Jen, I just know you're saving up the Zit cakes...what else could be more disgusting than these?

Miranda said...

O VILE. O VILE. O VILE.

Miranda said...

buttcrack and breasts are missing. I prescribe cheezburgerz.

Anon 12:06 / Deanne said...

Anon 12:06 speaking:

Really? You deleted my comment because I disagreed with this post and didn't sign my name? If I had been singing it's praises my comment would have stayed? My comment had no profanity, mean spirited remarks, or ads. I see no rule stating a name is required. Honestly, I just forgot to put my name. I am more than happy to put claim to my opinions.

In short, I said that I do not think it is fair to make fun of the people who order or make cakes of "questionable" subject matter. The same things were said about the Redneck Wedding cakes. Just because it isn't your style doesn't mean you should belittle it. Many of these cakes are executed rather well and I am sure taste just as good as if they were in the shape of hearts and flowers.

I loved this blog and thought Jenn's commentary was hilarious. However, I believe she should stick to criticizing the construction of the cakes and not the subject matter. Most of these "gross" or "weird" cakes have personal meaning that we do not understand. These feet cakes are no different than the "Daddy Darth" cake on Sunday Sweets (which happened to be constructed poorly compared to a few of these "gross" feet). Different taste for different people is all.

I also called out the sexism with #5. Just because she is a woman, doesn't mean she doesn't like "gross" things. Having two X chromosomes doesn't mean someone can't handle "unpleasant" things.

Sincerely,

Deanne

Ellen said...

ew

onlinepastrychef said...

2 words: Dis Turbing. And I believe that the little blue bits on the dead feet are "shroud shreds." Say that five times fast!

DangGina said...

What the HELL would possess someone to make cakes in the shape of feet? Especially that one for Wayne...bleh, it looks too real! (I think it'd be funnier, though, if it was the middle toe sticking straight up in the air. You know what I mean?)

The one below Wayne's cake seriously made me gag. Real big. Why--WHY--would someone make the big toe all covered in pus? Gah...

Trini said...

Mella, you got it. I was wondering what they reminded me of !!
(Dexter the serial killer series on Showtime)

rebecca said...

I think the green toe fungus bugs are very cute. But I wouldn't wanna eat them -- or anything else that crawled out of a toenail.

SchrodingersDuck said...

@Ros

Both Rooney and Beckham have broken their metatarsals. It's pretty common in footballers. Beckham did his before Euro 2004 (or was it World Cup 2002?), while Wayne did it a bit more recently.

alicia said...

that's one way to get me to stop snacking during my screen time.

kristinleighkelly said...

Love the 30 Rock shout out--Love Rick's Bakery if that is the one in Fayetteville, AR. Keep up the fun(gal) blogging!

Laci said...

oh my god. I'm so grossed out. Not many things gross me out, but really, who wants foot cake?? The sad part to me is that the one with the wonky toe actually looks like the baker knew quite a bit about anatomy and can sculpt a nice cake...poor guy.

Johari said...

There's a chiropractor near me whose name is Dr. Cadava.

shinejewelry said...

these are the most disturbing cakes that I have seen...

Anonymous said...

Oh, c'mon: the meta-toe-sal was well-made and funny, probably celebrating a co-worker's defeating an injury. (I liked it a lot more than the overwrought tutu cake, which no doubt says something about my sense of humour.)

The others were, I grant you, rather creepy when not downright disgusting.

john (the hubby of JEN) said...

Dear Anon 12:06/Deanne,

Allow me to first apologize for deleting your comment from the page. I believe our Wrecksistant let it through and, had I been moderating comments at the time, I probably wouldn't have published it in the first place. Allow me to explain why in this rather lengthy and far-too-serious-for-Cake Wrecks reply.

First let me say that every day, we get people telling Jen how to write the blog. It's either that a cake is too good to be called a wreck or not good enough for a Sunday sweet. Jen has even gone so far as to write a detailed description of what constitutes a "Wreck" in her opinion which, last time I checked, was the only one that matters on her blog. So when I saw your comment, yet another directive on what Jen should do, I was tempted, sorely tempted to delete it. But that wasn't all.

Next, you accused her of sexism because of a comment about girls not liking disgusting things. Really? Jen already walks on eggshells while writing posts because of those readers who, for some reason, come to Cake Wrecks not to laugh, but to be horribly offended. Many times, she will read and re-read a post to make sure that the vast majority of people will not take offense at anything she has written. And the reality is, her comments are never even half as biting as many of the comments are. And you cried sexism over that comment? IT WAS A JOKE. It hurt no one.

And last but not least, yeah, critical or negative comments from "Anonymous" are my pet peeve. Put your name down and, most of the time, it gets published.

So I deleted your comment because I was irritated that yet another comment from the self-appointed Overlords of Cake Wrecks had been published.

Let me say this in closing: Jen loves all of her readers and gets a kick out of feedback like you can't imagine. But it is her blog. And you have a choice in this wonderful world of ours not to read Cake Wrecks if it no longer appeals to you. I will leave your comment up because you were so adamant that you submitted it twice. Thanks.

John

RsG said...

I think this is a funny post, I think these foot cakes themselves are funny, as they were mean to be. However, it's HYSTERICAL that so many of these comments are so kneejerk reactive of the subject matter, that many seem completely oblivious to the fact humor was the intention all along.

My two cents? A lot of you commenters who are braying "Eww! Ewww! EWWW!" the loudest are closet foot fetishists.

That was a joke.

Or WAS it?

Susan said...

With #3, "Rick's Meta-toe-sal", you have finally posted a cake I literally cannot look at. I wince and flinch and close my eyes and turn away, I can't help it. The others don't bother me, but that one I physically can't look at.

miss-chance said...

So this is really, really weird and surreal, but the day that you happened to elect to do a severed-foot-cake post happened to be the day that my friend, after years and years of difficult surgeries and *constant pain* finally had her right foot amputated.

No, really. And? She's a huge fan of cake-wrecks.

So the day comes after years, months, weeks, and a long night of worrying, and stealing herself up to be wheeled into the hospital, she reads a favorite morning blog... only to discover severed feet.

O.M.G.

And, just because by now you're probably beginning to worry: this made her and her hubby and all of her friends CRACK UP laughing.


just wanted to share with you, because, seriously? WTF?!?!


-miss_chance

Leah Hollett said...

i am laughing so hard i am crying!!! thank you thank you sooo much!

Noirin said...

Ew ew ew! Oh My God! That's the most disgusting thing I've ever seen.

Melissa (& Billy) said...

Creative, yes. Freaky? Definitely.

However, I'm reminded of an episode of Ace of Cakes where Duff's crew did a very detailed ear as a gift from a patient to his surgeon after a procedure that gave the patient his hearing back. *g* (Though to be honest the decorator was a bit creeped out, IIRC...)

WV: likker. A type of foot fetishist that will be cured after this post! XD

Bobbi said...

Honestly people, they're just cakes! I think they're funny. I like the "hork a tic tac" and the edible Mucinex comments. I had tears in my eyes! BTW, I'm new to this site. What do wv and ccc mean?

earthmomma29

No name PLEASE. said...

Oh disgusting, just plain disgusting.
Why would someone want to eat a foot anyway? Please don't try and answer that question.

Anonymous said...

about fun doctor names, there is an emergency room doctor where i live who is named..................da da da da!
.....Dr. Snowman

Mellodee said...

The photos were funny, the subject was funny, the comments were funny (mostly, BUT I nearly fell on the floor on the floor laughing when I saw the google ads that run along side. OMG, to run "cure foot fungus" ads with these photos is the biggest kick of all. FUNNY, FUNNY, FUNNY!!

Mellodee

Gary said...

Doctor Pachman:
There's a podiatrist in my neighborhood named Dr. Tin Quach. I believe the second name is pronounced "quack." His partner is Dr. Rob Brace. No kidding.

The caption on the picture of Dr. Pachman's cake (U-127 3-D Foot with Fungi Toenail) makes me think it's out of a bakery's catlog, so I have to ask: Exactly how many orders do they get for spongy-looking feet with diseased toenails?

GoldenGait said...

lol I'm a podiatrist, and all I want to know is--where can I get one of these cakes??? They're priceless. I want one for my clinic next time we have a party!!

Trish said...

"Hahahahahaha! See, it's like a dead person's feet! With a toe tag! To remind you of your own mortality! Isn't that hysterical? Hahhahahaha!

Right. Two things:
1) What's up with the blue drapey bits?
2) Just for fun, try to imagine the position you'd have to be in to get your feet at that angle."


I think I understand the morbidity of the angles...you see, there is no body. This is a cake lovingly prepared for a serial killer or B-movie producer...

WV hallagiz...(revisiting morbidity) brand of medication for the puss-ed, creature-ridden affliction as seen on Teresa's foot.

Joanne D said...

These are GROSS! who are these people? and in response to great doctor names, my husband went to a urologist name Dr. Seaman. NOT KIDDING. (I hope I spelled it right. I think that's how he spelled it!) But oh, how appropriately named considering he helps men with their (you know how to spell it the OTHER way....;) )

Jo

p.s. Jen, I've been feverishly trying to catch up on this site since I found it this week. It's a scream! Therapeutic comic relief. Thanks for your sarcastic genius!

Anne said...

*sigh*, Sadly, I work in a hospital and NOTHING can kill my appetite anymore. Not even these cakes.....

Linda said...

I laughed so hard I thought I'd pee my pants!

Megan said...

Wow, that last one is from the bakery in my hometown! They are incredible.

I think this wreck is more a reflection on the requester than the baker. Asking for a french-pedicured foot cake is a little strange, like that above all other things would epitomize Teresa to her friends and family or something, which is a sad commentary on her if so. But asking for the green bugs too??? What in the world? Does this person actually hate Teresa?

Mamaleh said...

All I can think of when I see the toe-tag cake with the shredded blue "cloth" is something my 3rd grade teacher told us after the Challenger disaster: that the search teams had not found any bodies yet...only a single foot. a classmate asked, "but how did they know it was an astronaut's foot?" The teacher replied that the foot was still wearing part of a baby-blue NASA issue pant leg.
please let me be wrong on this...just, please...

Anonymous said...

Grosssssssssssssssssssssss

Anonymous said...

Urp is not enough for the last one.
GACK!
EEEEEEEK!
and
AHHHHHH!

In big bold caps just about gets the
feeling across.

Kerri said...

at least the last foot cake had a nice French pedicure :-/

Mary said...

i think the blue drapey bits are from the blankets they use in the morgue to cover up the bodies. now, are we all in the party mood?

from the blue shed said...

I have just stumbled onto your brilliant disgusting and sometimes nauseating blog. Where do you find this stuff???? Definitely adding to my fav blogs list!

Sabrina said...

Oh. My. God. *fanning my face*
That last cake has got to be the most stomach-churning one I've seen yet! Somehow, I'm not in the mood for desert right now...

Anonymous said...

Toe tag and blue drapes? My guess would be for a mortician, medical examiner, or morgue employee... still amazingly creepy though!

msauer said...

Okay...I am the baker who did cake #2,that was obviously downloaded from my copyrighted website without my permission.

Needless to say I was not happy to see my cake on this site. Matter of fact, I take pride in the work that I do, so I (honest to God) CRIED when I saw a cake that I tried to execute tastefully while still meeting my client's request. (A big thank you to all of you who complimented me on execution).

Here's the back story. I really didn't want to do this cake. I priced it so far out of the ballpark that "no one" would pay that much for feet cakes...no one...except my client! That's how badly she wanted it!

The request was for two dead feet, man's size 11 on a silver slab with a toe tag (for her husband's name and year of birth to serve as the tracking number). So, they are not "LIKE" dead feet, they "ARE" dead feet!!! Her husband was turning 50 and this cake was just the tip of the iceberg! There was a hearse, a New Orleans funeral themed parade, all guests wore black...I could go on!

I know this will come as a dissappointment to many, but there is no significance to the placement of the feet. Based on their size, it was the only way to get them to fit on the cake board (sorry- no dead ballerinas)and to keep them structurally sound. The blue bits are indeed meant to be the blue blankets they cover corpses with. (I put them there so I wouldn't have to deal with the tops of the ankles, toe nails, or hair). I figured since you could only see parts of the body it seemed logical to only see the ends of the sheet...thus, the "blue bits".

The birthday boy is not a podiatrist, a guy with a foot fetish (that I'm aware of ) or in any other way associated with feet. The customer just thought this was an original idea and funnier than hell. What can I say? I don't always come up with the ideas, I just sell them....and for a TON OF MONEY. I apologize to any of you out there who were offended...YOU WERE NEVER MEANT TO SEE IT IN THIS KIND OF A PUBLIC FORUM.

I would very much like to know from the administrators of this site WHO submitted my image and if you ever research their origins prior to posting.

Michelle

marimonster said...

To the baker who made the corpse feet...they are done so well...and you are right, the "wreck" part is that the person wanted it, not that you made it!!

On doctor names, my favorite dentist ever was a Doctor Fangman...I was so sad when she moved away.

My husband's vasectomy was done by a Doctor Leatherman...thank goodness he did NOT use the tool bearing his name to do the procedure!

~Mari

jen said...

" Just for fun, try to imagine the position you'd have to be in to get your feet at that angle."

soooo funny!!!!!!