Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Come On Barbie, Let's Go Party

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

It all started with those kitschy toilet-paper cover dolls:

I think every grandmother was required by law to make enough of these things for her family to cover a mountain of TP. (My personal favorite was our red-dressed flamenco dancer. You?) After this was done, those dear crafty souls had to come up with new ways to use their stockpile of doll torsos.

Enter: the doll cake!

It was understandable when at first children assumed they were being served yarn and TP. Here Jenn L. is saying, "How about you put that over there and go fetch me my real cake, before someone throws a hissy, Ok?"

Fast forward 30 years or so, and doll cakes have come a long way. Why, just look at all the diverse styles they come in now!

The "Hawaiian Shaving Brush":


The "Easy-Chair-Under-Her-Dress":

("My lap! My lap! My lap is on FI-YUR!")

The "I'm-a-Little-Teapot":


The "Girls-Shouldn't-Have-ALL-the-Fun":



And the ever popular "Climb Every Mountain":


Cherie, Andrea M., Sanne, & Cattie P., all together now: "Life in plastic - it's fantastic!"
«Oldest   ‹Older   1 – 200 of 238   Newer›   Newest»
The Dutchess of Kickball said...

She isn't sitting in an easy chair, that's the Octomom.

The Courteous Chihuahua said...

Oh, Lord...Oh, Lord!!! Is that a c**k ring around Ken's neck?? I have to go have my eyes removed now.

Tlou said...

LOL LOL LOL!!! That made my morning and saved my children from many birthdays of doll cakes ;)

Im sure theyd thank you if they only knew! ;) ;)

Prosey said...

Oh my...LOL

I'm Losing It! said...

I'd love to know the stories behind some of these cakes...although I'm not so sure I'm ready for the Ken doll cake story! That one blows my mind!

D.B. Echo said...

I'm amazed I haven't seen a "stripper popping out of the cake" version yet.

The Barbie versions of these cakes sell for $49.99 at my local grocery store. I'm in the wrong line of work.

Arlynn said...

I remember these from some of the adolecent birthday partied I attended when I was younger.

Even then, they always creeeped me out!

I even remember one instance, when, after the birthday girl blew out the candles, and before the mom could cut the cake - she had to remove the doll - legs & all!

AHHHHH.... creepy - and if I remember correctly, someone actually "got" to lick the icing & crumbs off :-P

Baking and Mistaking said...

Oh my god. Oh the childhood memories. I too had a plastic dolly in a giant mountain of frosting, for my 6th birthday in fact. I'll have to dig up the picture sometime.
That guy in a mesh shirt really is something though.

Sarah, The New Girl said...

The Easy chair, lap full of candles is definitely the best. Great post to end the Valentine's marathon -- your cake photos over that heart holiday were so hilarious, I didn't know how you would follow. These were great!!

Linda said...

Holy crap! The Earring Magic Ken cake is the BEST! I don't care what the party's for, I SO want to be invited!!!

Miranda said...

Buh! Wuh?

It's not that hard to do a decent doll cake, I swear! What were these people smoking?

Laura Meaux said...

OMG, that had me ROTFL! If CCC is your nemesis, doll cakes are mine. I don't understand the fascination with placing 1/2 (or all) of a plastic toy down into the cake. It's kind of dirty....but, hey, if that's what they want....

Leserlee said...

Oh boy. LOL. What's the deal with the Ken doll? What is it supposed to be?

Amanda said...

These just got better and better as I scrolled down. Thanks for the morning laugh.

VR said...

Sad! My mom made a Lady Lovely Locks cake for my 7th birthday and she's not a professional decorator and her doll cakes always turned out fabulous. I'll have to look for a picture - these took me back to those good 'doll' days...

roisin said...

i didn't know that Ken came with a see-through mesh shirt!

Anonymous said...

Wait...is Ken wearing a skirt or...standing at the top of a flowery hill or...has he sunk waist-deep into a pile of flower-poop?

Velda said...

wow, these brought back memories...but I seriously didn't need that Aqua song in my head now lol...Thanks for a fabulous site, I get a laugh each and every morning!

Leslie said...

Thanks Jen, now I'm going to be humming Barbie Girl all day.
That said, I love the "girls shouldn't have all the fun" cake. It brings back fond memories of the first drag show I went to in college (hey I was in the arts department what do you expect?)
Good times...thankfully we never had one of those toilet paper holders.
*skips off singing, "Make me walk make me talk, do whatever you please I can act like a star, I can beg on my knees...."*
GAAAAH!

Liz said...

Love these, love your blog! I read it every day for a laugh. I'm a pastry cook and get a real kick out of these. Keep 'em coming!

Oh, and, I agree.. the Flamenco dancer IS the best one.

Anonymous said...

I've learned from experience. I made sure I finished my sip of coffee and set the cup down before I pulled up this blog. Boy am I glad I did!

My lap! My lap! My lap! is on fire.
no water , no water
let the *bleep* *bleep* burn.

I coudln't help my self :o)

joyce said...

My mouth fell open in shock at the Dolly Pardon cake---what will they think of next? She does not even look like a dolly. But, guys?? Seriously?? A Ken doll? And the ring around his neck on a chain? What does it mean?

Climb every mountain is hilarious! Her heels must be ten inches!

Etiquette Bitch said...

omg. I had a doll cake around age 7; it looked like the "normal" one in the first cake photo.

i'm laughing because the Ken cake--did anyone else see this?--he's wearing a c**k ring. (no, that's not "cake ring.")

Heide said...

I've made several of these monstrocities at the urging of my late MIL.

Is Ken's ring to scale?

Carrie Penny said...

I am so glad no one in my family could make cakes! Well, at least no one that would make my cakes as a kid!

k8lynr said...

oh. my. gosh.

that is magic earring ken.

wow. best worst cake i've seen. wow.

-kate

Nico said...

I was at first perplexed and then fascinated by the one my grandma made me about 20 years ago. I remember it being very, very sweet.

Cecile said...

Holy cats, someone made a Jocelyn Wildenstien cake! That is what the "little teapot" one is, right? Not meant for children, I hope?

very married said...

i TOTALLY had one of these!!

Anonymous said...

I almost bought a cake just to send a picture to Cakewrecks, but I had no other need for it, and frankly I was afraid of it. It was a doll cake, though - and the lid wasn't tall enough for the torso of the doll, so the bakery had cut a hole in the lid. Since the display was sitting almost literally in the doorway of the store - and the cake was definitely for sale - I'm sure that it was nice and sanitary and there were no surprise gnats or other foul things in there. Completely sure of that.

Mommy of M's said...

This is 'desk-slapping' good.

Justine said...

Oh man! I didn't think these lovely things existed anymore! I've even seen Empress Martha S make them.

My fave TP Cozy was the white poodle with the googly eyes that Grandmom did. I still have it and will now give it a week in my retro bathroom in her honor.

Katy said...

Not only do I have those horrendous (and hilarious) images burned into my brain, but now I have the Barbie Girl song stuck in my head. So thanks for that.
:)

Anonymous said...

I have to wonder what the decorator used to augment the breasts in the Dolly cake... jello, perhaps?

DaniFae said...

Am I the only one inspired to make a Drag Queen Ken cake now? Maybe even a "To Wong Fu" wrecktacular...

kjl said...

The lap on fire doll kind of looks like she's about 15 months pregnant.

Julie Julie Bo Boolie said...

OMG thank you! those cakes always creep me out!

Peeved said...

OOOOOOhhhh man, Earring Magic Ken. He was totally the stud of my Barbie Collection. Good times.

The Fat Dietitian said...

Love it... I have plans for a topless Barbie cake for my husband's birthday! :)

HorribleLicensePlates said...

I am laughing so hard I can barely breathe. So funny!!!

Carrie said...

Easy Chair Barbie cracked me up! The girl in the background looks thrilled!! I can just imagine her rolling her eyes thinking "Oh for the love of..."

Nandi said...

OMG! It was all I could do to keep myself from ROTFL at work!

h3llc4t said...

I have a crochet doll over an air freshener sitting on my toilet tank at home. My gramma made her. "She's an Indian baby!", Gramma said. Gramma is not very PC.

Verification: "ourated", as in "Doll cakes that aren't malformed are so ourated."

Cyberrblue (Colleen) said...

Those are atrocious! If someone got me one of those I think I would run away screaming. Or pull the doll off and burn it. At least that way it would just look like a round cone cake...

~Colleen (cyberrblue.wordpress.com)

peachfish said...

OMG, I love the one with "Earring Magic Ken" otherwise known as the first openly gay Ken doll. When that Ken came out one of my anthropology professors was so excited she bought one and brought it to class :)

Chihuahua: yes, it is a c**k ring. Earring Majic Ken came with: an earring (plus a pair for his lucky owner), a purple mesh shirt, black pants, loafers, and the lovely silver necklace. Oddly, he wasn't on the market very long. i think he is considered to be collectors item now.

Aelwyn said...

Thank the gods I didn't even KNOW these cakes existed until I was an adult!

If I had one of those as a child, I would have needed to be medicated!!!!

Katie said...

I totally had a doll cake when i was a kid! I was so happy in the pictures!! The doll had a beautiful dress made of fluffy pink frosting.. I loved it (well I can't actually remember the cake, but it appears from the pictures that I loved it...)

Passion Fruit said...

wowie...

The Leaning Tower of Pinkness aka. Octo Mom is very randomly bizarre.

The dolly in blue is a little...um...grown up...in a dirty sort of way.

WV: tabilliz - possibly the name of the dolly in blue.

Jenny said...

I personally like the pasties on the hula dancer! :)

Stunbunny said...

The "I'm-a-Little-Teapot" looks more like an "I'm-a-big-drag-queen" doll cake.

K said...

Oh, my god... I am rolling... I was laughing to begin with, but then my four year old came over to see and asked very perplexed about the easy chair doll, "Mama, wha's wong wif her? She's meltING!"

LMAO!!

Cassykins said...

OMG, that third one is totally Courtney Love... That said, my grandma actually made the dolls for our beds and not toilet paper. Still only a torso in a dress, but it was meant to sit as a decoration on the pillows. I put mine through the washer. She died.

Kelli said...

Hilarious!!! The one with her lap on FI-yur is SUPER funny. And I don't think I want to know the story about the Ken doll!!

The Liebers said...

I made one of these for my daughter's 4th birthday! It was pretty atrocious, but I didnt pay $50 for it! I had to break Barbie's legs off to get the proportions right. You can see it
here
in all its glory!

Amy said...

That teapot barbie cake is creepy, and I didn't know Ken was like that! LOL
~Amy B.

Gladys said...

I loved this post! It makes me not feel so bad about my own experience with A Doll Cake.
I posted my first experience here http://gladysspeaks.blogspot.com/2008/12/because-you-asked.html making my very own Barbie Cake for my Grandaughter. It was a Pink Peptobismal Explosion of Barbie goodness.

Marauder said...

Who put an Earring Magic Ken in a cake? Those things are collector's items! Seriously, there a gay guys who would pay a lot of money for one of those.

MaineCelt said...

Ah, yes. Eaaring Magic Ken. Yes, folks, you're seeing the upper half of the outfit he actually came in,(minus the purple leather-look vest) complete with, um...an ornamental pendant. My college dorm mates chipped in to buy one of these as a tree-topper for our dorm Christmas tree. We made paper wings and a pipe-cleaner halo for him. Wanna make a cake outta that?

wv: "tings." How do people come up with these tings?

Joanne said...

Too funny. Someone should do an cake celebrating Barbies Birthday - A 50 year old Barbie!

From Single to Married said...

those are AWESOME!!! Especially love the one with the candles in it. I kind-of think that these are definitely the "no-candles-necessary" kind-of cake!

emmanm said...

So, I think on the hula cake, the barbie maybe wearing a very precarious frosting bra?

Maria said...

for the do-it-yourselfers out there, they sell half-doll-torsos-on-a-stick at joann fabrics in the bridal section. everytime i see them i have a flashback to a wedding i was in.... the maid of honor was sooooo excited about the "treats" she made for all of the bridesmaids. i'm sure you can guess they were doll cakes, but she gave them all haircuts and proportions so they were eerily similar to us in our dresses. i saved mine to "show my mom", took it home, and promptly disposed of it. i was pretty sure it was trying to steal my soul.

Melissa said...

come on now...I think the hawaiian skirt doll came out quite nicely...everything else though.... not so much

Jenni said...

"It's a kilt!" says Ken.

kacyd said...

hilarious!!

Nikki said...

Am I the only one that gets grossed out by the thought of doll hair in the frosting??? EEEWWWWW!!!!

But I LOVE the Ken doll cake! Cockring indeed!

Jeanette "Frogster" said...

wow - those are . . . incredible!

Anonymous said...

I spit out my coffee when I reached the Ken doll... HA HA HA HA! What a collection!

o.O

Jill said...

To The Courteous Chihuahua: I hadn't even noticed that until you brought it up. OMG!!! Too funny. I was totally opposed to doll cakes until I saw that Ken doll.

ErinGoBarnCurlies said...

Thing that pick and white was a cake given the the mother of those octuplets?

awesome.

Krissy said...

Um, is Hawaiian Shaving Brush Barbie wearing a frosting bra? Uhhh... *looks around furtively* where can I get one of those?

Anonymous said...

Ha ha ha! Jen, I think this is the funniest post yet-and I've read them all! You are truly talented.

Dani said...

Okay they're cheesy but it was the perfect cake for my friend who's a drag queen.

MalMal said...

Awww man! I should send you the picture of my Goth Chick doll cake a good friend made for my birthday one year. Her top was made from electrical tape and she had black hair with purple streaks (like me at the time). Granted, it wasn't professional but it was darn good!

Cakie Goodness said...

Wow, I'm surprised no one has commented on the Hawaiian doll's icing top. There's so much that could be said about that...
And I totally have 'Barbie Girl' in my head. I'll be singing that for weeks :-(

janet2buns said...

If Ken's sexual orientation was still in doubt, it isn't anymore. Ken has been "outed", Cake Wrecks style!!

RecoveringActor said...

Are you sure the last one is "Climb Every Mountain" and not "Don't Cry For Me Argentina?"

Unrelated: Tag. You're it. I've tagged you on the Premios Dardo award

vix said...

DANG! That Ken doll cake is just...WRONG! Dude, if you must put Ken in drag do it right and put some make-up on the poor guy for god's sake. And give him a good looking hat and purse to match his outfit.

ROTFLMAO!
We need smileys on here lol

Jaedyn said...

OMGoodness, this is one of your funniest posts yet!! I literally burst out laughing at the fire barbie!! Hilarious!

un-bride said...

Yep, my grandma made those, too!

TaviaGrace said...

My friends mother made one of these and she highly reccommends that you don't use candles. Apparently Barbie's hair is extremly flamable. Isn't that a beautiful image?

Photographer Leia said...

when I was about 8 my mother made one of these and it turned out freally well actually! she baked the cake in the mixing bowl from her Cuisenart and decorated it minimally with swoops of "fabric". I think the best part is she just took the top half of a dollar store "baribe" with a barbie top and put it on top. That way you didn't have to pull the whole barbie out. It makes me sad that other have had such "barbie ballgown" disasters. I suppose when you don't have much you can often do a lot.

AMB said...

I LOVE these wrecks!!! I am guilty of making one of these for my daughters 4th birthday and wondered about where to put the candles... we opted for in the cupcakes made from the extra cake mix as opposed to trying to set her lap on fire.

Oh, and the pictures from the beginning. I was at a family wedding when I was a little girl where the wedding cake was a traditional tiered cake plus there were SEVEN of these doll cakes each in a different color for the bride and bridesmaids to match with the actual wedding party!!! I wish I had a picture of that one!

Mikki Black said...

I was saddened by the title of your post, because my favorite cakes as a kid were the Barbie cakes.

Then I saw your samples.

Oh, my.

Oh, my, my ,my. My memories are tarnished forever. And the Ken cake just may have made me snort coffee out my nose. Maybe.

Well done.

Anonymous said...

To borrow a phrase from a popular TV show, "Seriously?"

Jessica said...

Wow, this really brought back some memories of Grandma....
Instead of toilet paper we had a large basket the size of a clothes hamper. Our doll was life sized!

Meagan said...

I have been the recipiant of both TP-hider doll toroso and Barbie-Birthday cake.

I'm scared... so scared...


By the way you got that damned song stuck in my head the moment I read the title of this entry. I hate you so bad right now. LOL.

Shannon said...

Reminds me of about 12 or so years ago when Mattel brought out a Birthday Barbie when she was popping out of a cake. I referred to it as 'stripper Barbie' I still wish I had picked one up because they disappeared pretty quickly off the shelves probably after some complaints.

Jason Messinger said...

This is the funniest Blog I have ever seen!
I am such a fan I added a link to my blogs: Jason Messinger Art Blog

AND

Jason Messinger Writes Blog

I hope these links get more people to see your great site. Thanks for keeping me and all your readers laughing!!!!

Carolyn said...

I have a Ken doll put away for making one of these for DH's birthday...complete with the quote "hope your birthdays not a drag" Just waiting for the big 4-0

Christa said...

Thank you now I am singing Climb Every Mountain, I appreciate it. The "Easy Chair" one looks more like she's terrified of catching on fire or like there was a big gust of air that was only from the waste up.

Anonymous said...

I went to a 4-yr old's b'day party this weekend with one of these. Sick sick sick. The torso is molded to an enormous spike.
Sherry

Susan - said...

They are bizzare enough just to look at (the Ken cake?!), but the idea of hair - even fake hair - that close to my food is too much. ~SHUDDER~

Cait said...

Aw, man, my mom used to make one of those doll cakes for me every year (until I got old). Oddly enough, I think we had that same couch, too.

hollyml said...

ROFL! Too bad about Dolly's arms, because otherwise that would be one rockin' cake. Well, not for a five-year-old's birthday, which is what I presume most doll cakes are for. But I like her.

The Ken cake is awesome too except that no self-respecting drag queen would wear a skirt that ugly.

But anyway, I've never SEEN a TP cozy version of a doll cake before! Did the TP cozies really come first? They are truly awful, of course, but then, so is that entire class of objects. Decorative TP covers are just weird no matter WHAT they're supposed to look like. (I will admit to a small fondness for certain Kleenex box covers though.)

thezeninyou said...

OMG! The best! And Ken...what a naughty boy...who knew? Ok...we all knew!

Lynn said...

Hilarious ! I wanted a Barbie Cake for my birthday when I was a little girl and never got one...I think this year I'll order one ! LOL

B^2 said...

OMG! I saw a couple of these being made on an old episode of Martha Stewart recently (via her daughter's show on FLN called "Whatever, Martha! -- incredibly funny, I'd recommend it) and thought of this website immediately.

So I'm very excited/pleased/vindicated to see the doll cakes showcased here today.

Lea Ann said...

I got my first Barbie cake at age 39 *sniff*

Here's me and my blue Barbie cake and matching blue furry birthday hat my friends made me wear.

http://tinyurl.com/dmzgrc

Robyn said...

AAAH! My mom made me a barbie cake for my birthday one year and I LOVED IT! My birthday's in Halloween so she was a witch - dark green icing, too, which made all us kids happy because we could run around with abnormally-colored tongues.

rightfootforward said...

I cannot believe those were made by real professionals...

Marie said...

You know there's nothing more offensive than naked TP.

Jennifer said...

Horrible or no, I desperately want to go to whatever party commissioned the Ken Does the Castro cake. HEAVEN!

Denise said...

I can't stop laughing at my lap, my lap my lap is on fy-yur!

I still have Big (questionable orientation) Ken in my collection. I like him too much to make a cake out of him.

Ed said...

Where do all the left-over legs go?

kshandra said...

For those of you who don't remember Earring Magic Ken (and I'm so glad to see some of you do), Wiki knows all, of course.

Anonymous said...

Hmm, I wonder if anyone can procure the video clip of 'Whatever, Martha!' for these little nightmares?

Anonymous said...

The Earring Magic Ken cake is the BEST. I totally want one for my next birthday.

(And yes, most people are pretty sure Mattel cluelessly provided Ken with what amounts to a c**k ring on a chain. It was probably the best doll of the early 1990s for that very reason.)

- Lisa.

Jumpyham said...

I will never, ever listen to Barbie Girl the same way ever again.
I wonder......why would someone make a KEN cake? Doesn't everybody hate that doll? (shivers)
Thank God my mother never made a Barbie cake.
she always made a castle or a ladybug.

Anonymous said...

Thank you so much for posting these! My Mom made me a doll cake for one of my birthday's and I was just over the moon about it! I think I'm going to see if I can order one for my next birthday. LOL

Anonymous said...

**blink**

Uh, the Ken cake..what? Why?

Just because you can, does not mean you should!

hessica said...

no no no no no. these are TOO ABSURD! please tell me WHAT is happening with the teapot one- ARM! what happened?? also, like always- the commentary is spot on, esp regarding the shaving brush barbie. excellent.

Charlene said...

I laughed until I cried...I thought these cakes were like the rest of the 70's horrors - never to be seen again, never to be admitted that I wore some of those styles, did my hair that way, etc.

Oh my goodness....no words left to say...except, um the blue teapot, did they frosting-ly enhance her? she was gigantic.

Anonymous said...

And someone always gets to lick the frosting off! I remember that from one of my childhood friends bday parties. Her older brother, probably like 10yrs, got to lick the frosting off. Yeah, bad mom. But I've always wanted one...even in adult life I still want what I couldn't have as a child. That's probably while the're still made because people are giving their kids what they didn't get. Weird. What's with the 10ft tall cake and the angled pattern?

Jasry said...

I thought maybe the Ken one was supposed to be Scottish, but that just wouldn't explain the mesh shirt and earring/necklace combo. I would love to hear the backstory to that one.
(Should I admit to making a bridal dolly cake for a wedding shower several years ago? I still have the poor half-doll pick around somewhere....)

Niki said...

i am most disturbed, actually, by the hawaiian doll's lick-off frosting bikini. that was before the mention of what may or may not be around ken doll's neck. now i'm in a serious moral debate about which is less appropriate for children...

MJS said...

I always loved loved loved my mom's doll cakes. There were all very "Gone With the Wind" although I always felt bad that the poor doll is actually an amputee from the waist down. These however are just awful!

evil cake lady said...

Earring Magic Ken! The "necklace" apparently comes with the doll, as does the purple mesh shirt! That is too awesome!

Jo said...

OK, the barbie cakes are creepy enough, but throwing cross dressing Ken in there. That just begs too many questions for a young child's birthday party. Or maybe this is a "coming out" cake?

monamildew said...

Sadly, my soon to be 7 year-old wants one of these so bad. She loves Barbies and saw one at the grocery store. I have been trying to think how to utilize my basic baking skils to make one 'cuz $50 for a cake (especially one as hideous) is outrageous.

StuffCooksWant said...

I think the cake that says "Dolly" on it is Dolly Parton...check out the boobs. What little girl needs a cake with DDD boobs....that's surely setting up large expectations, eh?

The Ken cake is just wrong on so many levels, I don't even know where to begin....nice bling .... wait ... what is that bling ... oh no! Dude ... what kind of party is Ken attending?

Scritzy said...

As a rank amateur who took basic cake decorating as a lark, I made better-looking Barbie cakes than these.

HOW BIG did that "mountain" cake pan have to be? Or are there multiple layers under there? The doll should have been on top of the cake, wearing climbing gear.

Holy freakin' cow.

Word Verification: tingen. I started tingen all over when I saw the Ken cake.

Fluffy Cow said...

hee heee heeee... the Ken!!! The flaming lap!!!! *gasp* hee hee heeeee

Rachael Berkey said...

I totally had one of these cakes when I was little. I think mine was a blonde barbie with vanilla cake and pink frosting. I was 8 so of course I LOVED it.

Anna said...

WEIRD!!!!

Debbie said...

I've really GOT to stop visiting your blog at work. People are coming out of the hallway wanting to know what is so funny! My lap ... my lap ... my lap is on fire!

Heather said...

If I showed this blog entry to my Gran, she would adore each and every one of these 'wrecks'. I recall a babyblue princess knit toilet roll cover that graced the back of her throne. Hilarious!

Suz said...

Hey now...I am getting my feelings hurt here. I made one of those for my daughter's birthday a few years ago. It was a "princess cake" and she asked for it after seeing one in a Wilton book. It was better looking than these...but really, pretty standard for a little girl's birthday. My daughter loved it! Those of you who are disgusted are either jealous you never got one, you have never had a 4 year old daughter, or you throw some lame birthday parties!!!!

Of course, you wash the doll in soap and warm water and maybe bleach and rinse and dry...no big deal! Granted...the cake pictured rate from, "what pan did they use for that?!" to "Yuck!"

Dabbling D said...

So funny!!

Beverly said...

my favorite TP cover was my grandmother's Mrs. Claus one. It was disturbing to say the least.

did you ever see the crocheted mushroom to cover the ajax can? i still have that one in the living room on the entertainment center w/ a 30 year old little plastic bottle of ajax because it's just too bizarre.

Anonymous said...

I think the burning lap barbie is not in an easy chair, but rather about 9 month pregnant

Albie said...

These are really funny....and so much funnier because they were supposed to be "cute" or "sweet".

What horrible cakes!

The McKay Clan said...

We refer to these as "bitch in a bowl" cakes.

janie said...

my sister and i had doll cakes when we were kids, but thankfully, mom took her time when she made them and they came out really nice. otherwise i think we both would have needed therapy. for some reason my mom still had the doll torso in a kitchen drawer until sometime after i graduated high school. i'm not sure if she was planning on making a doll cake while we were in our teens or what. i'll have to check next time i'm at her house and see if it's finally gone.

Balgram said...

Dang. I actually think the Hawaiian ones are adorable. I wouldn't mind having that Ken at my birthday (mwahaha i'm a loser d'aww).

Nykie said...

"My Lap is on FI-YUR!" killed me. I'm still crying and the kids what to know why "fire" is spelled wrong. I haven't laughed that hard in ages, thanks!

MommyAmy said...

LOL, the whole "My lap is on FI-YUR!" thing cracked me up.

Honestly, I think I enjoy your commentary more than the cakes. :P

Cindy said...

That Ken doll cake may be my favorite thing ever. Who thought that would be a good idea? Did s/he do it in secret, or did this idea actually pass through more than one person's hands? Because if more than one person didn't see the problem with that cake... well, just color me flabbergasted. Or grateful, I suppose, because now I get to look at it all the time.

Johara said...

That hawaiian doll is sitting on a coconut. Once you peel off the thick outerskin, looks just like that.

Amanda M said...

I wish I knew these were wrecks, my local supermarket has had one on display forever, although I always thought it was cute. Much better than most of these, anyway.

Serena said...

Wow... I keep seeing those cakes at Meijer, thinking I should send a pic in--too late, I guess!

Is that supposed to be Dolly Parton??? That's horrible....

The Ken one is just creepy.

...and is the big white one supposed to be a wedding cake or something???

Susan B. said...

This cracks me up and brings back a tragic memory: Me, an excited 8-year-old, smiling at the doll cake placed in front of me. A crowd of friends and family look on with delight as I make my wish. Then...FOOM!! Her hair goes up in flames as I blow out the candles! Cue fire extinguisher and uncontrollable sobs. "Nekked" Barbie has a nasty charred scalp and the room reeks of burning hair. Ahhh...the memories. Thanks for digging up that old wound :)

Dataceptionist said...

I always thought these cakes were called Dolly Varten cakes and there are special tins for them?

Kelsey said...

wow. the "girls shouldn't have all the fun" cake is so great.

Anonymous said...

I wondered when I'd finally see these. I made one for my daughter's 3rd birthday. It was definately a wreck. LOL

-April

holly said...

You can buy a regular Barbie (as opposed to generic doll picks) and wrap her legs in plastic wrap before inserting her in the cake. That way b'day girl gets a new Barbie. Probably no less sanitary than eating out at a restaurant...lol.

As far as Hula girl Barbie, I think it's actually kind of cool. But every doll cake I ever saw had the torso covered in frosting, usually those star tips making a dress top of some kind. So for all the *gasp* lickable tops, they've been making doll cakes that way for as long as there have actually been doll cakes. No kid ever thinks about it.

holly said...

Mona, use a mixing bowl to make the skirt, as in actually bake it in there. That's basically what they are.

I had one of these, my sister had one, my stepdaughter had one in her turn. Most of these cakes (not Ken or Dolly Parton obviously) are made for little girls who adore ruffles and flowers and pink and purple, preferably with sparkles. I LOVED these cakes as a kid.

funnycide said...

At my boyfriend's camp there's a disturbing red satin/black lace miniature merrywidow hanging in the bathroom (which is otherwise decorated with license plates). I think it holds toiletries, and maybe the little garter clips on the bottom hold towels??? I don't know why, or who thought it was a good idea.

Finisterre said...

Is it just me, or does the gorgeous Ken look suspiciously like he's sitting in the lower half of a Dalek?? (For those who don't know them: http://www.geocities.com/dalektimeline/NewDalek1.jpg)

Now that's one Captain Jack could go for!

Anonymous said...

They do a similar thing at Fecci's Ice Cream Parlour in Tenby, Wales.

They call it the Crinoline Lady and it's ace:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/robandkatie/482382050/in/set-72157600399004575/

jessamine said...

I always knew Ken harboured secret yearnings to frock-up

moonfall86 said...

My mom made a witch doll cake for a Halloween carnival one year. It looked better than these wrecks, though.

Miss Attitude said...

Holy crap! "Girls-Shouldn't-Have-ALL-the-Fun" LMAO

I hated those TP things when I was a kid, and would have thrown my cake at my mom if she served me one of those;)

KayƩ said...

Hahahahahahahaa love the Ken cake!!

QuackYou said...

Hello friend :)

LindaBudz said...

That Ken one is awesome!

The Girl Next Door said...

Please oh please I just need some cake to Eat. Now. Or is that in bad taste?

Eeek!!!! said...

Oh. Wow. That Ken doll is not a modified Ken doll. Mattel actually sold him that way.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Earring_Magic_Ken

Tina Woolston said...

I've ordered my first special order "professional" cake and am getting it tomorrow. I'm nervous, but also kind of excited, because I know if it's a wreck, I'll get to post it here and that'll be a pretty good consolation prize!

Tina W.

befu said...

now THIS is a good barbie cake!

http://www.flickr.com/photos/cakecream/3198262260/

Tia said...

Mummy made me a doll cake when I was about 5 and I loved it. Until she cut it open and I realised she'd pulled the legs off my favourite Barbie. (Nearly 20 years ago, I'm over it of course... *sob*)

incurable hippie said...

I had a doll cake for a birthday when I was a kid and it was my favourite EVER birthday cake!!

Anonymous said...

I am taking a cake class the "doll cake" is what I have to make. *hanging head in shame*

Anonymous said...

Of course, my 3.5 year old was looking at my screen, and now I've PROMISED her one of those cakes for her next birthday. Not what you intended, huh? LOL Well, I guess I now need to find someone willing to make one for her to look like a princess. I think you are allowed to love Kitch at 4. ;)

joyce said...

These comments always make me chuckle--and it is so good to see folks helping each other with how to make the cake skirt. But, the story of the candles being blown out and the Barbie hair catching on fire---yikes. I only had sons...but, they would have loved that extra! wow These cakes and directions need to come with warnings.

Ekio Locatiare said...

*giggles madly!* I love love love the Ken cake. I so want to make one like that. (of course not with the origional Ken they used! Though I actually think I have that somewhere.....my sister gave over all her barbies when I got pregnant... I had boys, lol!)

I'm happy to say I never asked for or got a Barbie cake. I'd so have tossed that puppy!

CupcakeKitten said...

i had that was ken doll. he was the one that was supposedly the gay ken, with the pierced right ear and his purple fishnet shirt. came with a sweet boombox too.

Nancy said...

My girlfriend had one of these cakes years ago. I was initially very jealous. All I remember about it is that she ended up looking a lot like Michael Jackson on the set of the infamous 1984 Pepsi commercial where his hair went up in flames.

It's hard to enjoy cake when there is a toxic haze and the odor of liquified plastic polymers hanging over the dining room table.

All My Monkeys said...

Come, now, the hawaiian one wasn't so bad. I was more surprised not by the skirt but the huge red nipples she was sporting.

Um, should I mention I will be making one of these lovely doll cakes for my beloved soon-to-be-4 yr olds birthday next week? She asked for it, and since I'm a slave to birthday whims, I will happily fulfill her wishes.

I Love Baby Quilts! said...

Wow. Just...wow.

Oh, and the 80's called Ken, they want their mesh shirt back.

Julianna said...

I just saw on Facebook a friend of mine that made a doll cake for her daughters birthday. It was very recent and it looked just like the first picture only it was blue. Very funny! My first thought when i saw it was 'Cake Wreck' and then i saw this. Perfect. . .

ebidebby said...

I remember a friend of mine had a Barbie cake at her 8th birthday party, and I was so jealous!

Anonymous said...

I had a Barbie themed party when I was about 5 or 6. Had one of these doll cakes, then proceeded to play with the Barbie for years after. Mine looked so much better than these, however. Well balanced skirt, in pink if I remember correctly.

Cami said...

LOL! I've made two doll cakes for my daughters so far (I have 3 girls, two of which are old enough to be princess fanatics). I'm not a professional and I like to think both of mine came out way better than these lol

Karin said...

oh man, now I have to go find that song on youtube and make sure it's G-rated...

Karin said...

btw - hubby's long-time friend made one of these for her daughter a couple years ago and she pulled the legs off before putting the doll in. That's much wierder than pulling out the doll legs and all...

fabfemmeboy said...

The inappropriate candles bring exactly one word to mind:

Firecrotch!

Anonymous said...

My favorite part of the Ez-chair cake (aside from the fact that she's pregers and has tried to light the fetus on fire) is the bored looking chin in the background. Someone is not impressed.

L. Shepherd said...

Wow, that is so funny- my grandmother actually did have the red Spanish dancer one in her bathroom. Even as a tiny kid I thought that thing was hideous.

Julie said...

Oh my...these are hysterical! I am going to be repeating the 'my lap is on fi-yur' part for days, I just know it!

What horrifying to me is those are professional cakes! I made a Cinderella Barbie cake for my daughter's 5th birthday - bought the Cinderella doll and wrapped her in plastic wrap before assembly. It turned out great! And it honestly was not that hard! Goodness!

Calico said...

This was hilarious! I loved the easy-chair one!!

Cassy said...

I wish that the title of this post was "Come on Barbie, Let's Go Potty".

JustMe said...

It looks to me like firelap Barbie is/was doing the limbo. Maybe the pole was lit and this is the result of an unfortunate (read: hilarious) incident.

Amy said...

This entry prompted me to share my own Barbie cake wreck story at http://4thfrog.blogspot.com!

Perky Skeptic said...

Suddenly I have the urge to bake my best friend a Kaylee's Party Dress from the "Shindig" episode of Firefly for her birthday!

WHAT HAVE I BECOME?????????

Science said...

My surprise 9th birthday party, replete with doll-cake, just came SCREAMING back to me.
Thanks!!

Anonymous said...

Seeing those cakes reminded me of how I came to have a favorite grandma and a not-so-favorite one (both loving and caring, in their own way). It all started 6 months before my 4th bday with my boy cousin's AWESOME train cake. I knew that was what I wanted! But the grandma who made that cake was insistent that girls didn't want train cakes; they wanted doll cakes. And so, that's what I got for my party with dad's side of the fam. Mom's mom made me the best train cake EVER when she heard how disappointed I was when I got the doll cake.

Gale said...

Oh, please don't tell me that last one was for a wedding...please no (cause the only thing worse that having a cake of YOURSELF in bridal gear is substituting barbie...or whatever that is).

Though I will say I really liked the barbie-cake I got as a little girl.

Lorraine Woodward said...

too lazy to read all of the comments, so sorry if someone else said this.

my mom used to crochet dolls like that, but she took a 1/2 gallon milk container cut in half (so the bottom part) and made it into a purse but you could tuck the doll into the purse.

yeah, I know. It's hard to even conceive of.

Michele said...

Those cakes with the real dolls in them crack me up. When I was little my mom attempted the same thing but the cake wasn't completely cool before she put the doll it. The Barbie legs melted inside!

Anonymous said...

I swear we were just singing the Barbie song tonight.....it rears its ugly head every know and then!

TheWantonSeedStitch said...

OK, gotta admit: I love the Big Gay Ken In Drag cake!

Katie said...

I had a barbie cake when I was little! At the time I thought it rocked. (hey, it was late 70's/early 80's!) The only disappointment was the doll is only half a doll, I wanted a full one to play with!

It looked like this -
http://cgi.ebay.com/New-Barbie-Doll-Body-for-Barbie-Cake_W0QQitemZ320262697867QQcmdZViewItem

KarenH said...

Re those toilet paper dolls... my mom used to make them for every bridal shower. One for the bride complete with a veil and flowers, and then of course one for each bridesmaid in the color of bridesmaids dresses. We still have one that my cousin gave us when my mom made hers. We thought it was pretty kitschy then, but now that mom's been gone 16 years we love it!

Anonymous said...

LMBO this was an eye opener Fred Smilek is the acting president of the Society to Save Endangered Species. It was founded two years ago by Fred Smilek along with his two best friends Charles and Jonathan. http://www.fredjsmilek.com

Jessica said...

I remember asking for a Barbie cake on at least one occasion when I was younger. I think my sister did, too, and we thought they were awesome. My mom's cakes all looked a thousand times better than these, though. To be perfectly honest, if I had a daughter I would totally make her a Barbie cake.

Xanthina said...

My mom made one for me for a birthday growing up.

I loved it... and I still love that one, lol. She was well made and proportionate. My mom's made some great cakes for my siblings and I growing up(Thank you Wilton!)


But then, she's not a professional.

And these doll cakes are just scary.

teech said...

I think the guy looks like Jay Manuel from America's Next Top Model. Seriously!

Kat K said...

oh my goodness! i had a doll cake for like, my 4th birthday party or something like that.. my mom made it. dear me.. scary things..

Madame Rubies said...

I HAD a half doll cake for one my my bdays. I was so excited about it, too. Hee hee.

And I owned that Ken doll.

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