Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Somewhere in Kabul, There is an Italian Bakery

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

No, that's not the opening line for a joke; there really is an Italian bakery in Afghanistan. It's also where today's cakes come from. Let's see what our military folk are getting for their birthdays, shall we?

Not bad, not bad - although it looks like the cake suffered from a little friendly fire. But what's up with all the random silver balls? It reminds me of those plastic bubble mazes we had when we were kids.

Wait, I can explain this one! Submitter Sara writes, "One of my guys was a reservist who had been a male stripper, hence the naked rear."

Ewwkay. Wait, [head tilt] do you guys see a naked rear? Kind of looks like pants to me - or shorts, I should say. And the shading - why?

But most importantly: we're sending MALE STRIPPERS to Kabul?!? Dang, joining the army has never seemed so appealing - am I right, ladies? I mean, assuming this picture is not representative of what said strippers actually look like...


This is like one of those old Magic Eye pictures: I simultaneously see a bear and an armadillo. But before I can decide which it is, I'm distracted by all those baffling silver balls again. I guess the Italians use them like sprinkles - metallic, molar-breaking sprinkles, but sprinkles all the same.



Sara C., for the cakes, and for all you do on our behalf, thank you.
aleighsmith said...

I kind of see ALF in the last one.

Tara M. said...

Dancer 6? So the commander is an ex-stripper? Or am I reading that wrong. Hilarious anyway!

Arlene said...

A friend of mine sent me your site and I have to say I laughed a LOT. I bake (although I'm not a pro0 but geez! Anyway, I'm complaining because when I was in the reserves I never met a soldier/stripper. I feel cheated.

MaryO said...

OMG! Too funny! And your captions, well, they "take the cake" forgive the pun and the quotes ;-D I'm now getting ready to enlist! Hilarious!

Moonablaze said...

yup, looks like ALF to me...

nolan said...

Maybe it's a Braille cake, hence all the random silver balls! ;)

Div said...

I loved those silver ball sprinkles soooo much when I was a kid. They stopped selling them on grocery store cakes in the US sometime in the mid-90s, I think. Sad.

Heather said...

I think that those silver balls are inedible. Maybe they are trying to poison our troops.

Anonymous said...

I think the last cake says "Montana" over the critter - which makes me think it's probably supposed to be a grizzly bear, as in the University of Montana Grizzlies.

Anonymous said...

I kinda see ALF in the last one too, but it IS a pretty fair representation of my University's mascot, the mighty Montana GRIZ ;)

Chaucer's Bitch said...

what's the weird, vaguely football-esque thing in the first cake???

Becky said...

I wonder what the "butter" cream is made of. Last time I checked there were no dairy farms in Afghanistan :)

CAMEL BY REQUEST said...

wow that nice.. and sweety

Anonymous said...

``metallic, molar-breaking sprinkles`

absolutely great line. keep it up!

Anonymous said...

hi - someone sent me here! v. funny!

I grew up having those silver balls on cakes - they're made of sugar, and to a six-year old, they are magical.

I'm not sure a grown male stripper will feel the same, though!

Nona said...

I LOVE THIS SITE!!! I was laughing (and crying) so hard at work that security came in and asked if everything was okay. Great job and after looking at those cakes, maybe someone should start a charity to send REAL cakes to our troops

Ally said...

The armadillo bear is my favorite.
Ball bearing you can eat! Genius!
(Just found this site and it rocks!)

Anonymous said...

I think they stopped putting them on cakes in the US because they contain a small amount of Mercury. Has anyone else heard this too? So maybe, they are trying to poison our troops.

beautiful tension said...

oh no - that first one is REALLY BAD, especially if the person is actually an Ohio State fan. Gatorbait? boohiss.

- christy said...

if one more person uses the phrase "takes the cake" in a comment, i may just explode.

Suzanne said...

I found this site through a recommendation from another site and I have to say since I have been looking at all the posts I have not stopped laughing!! These cakes are great (well great wrecks anyway), and the comments are just hilarious! This made my day!

Anonymous said...

What I am wondering is who did the decorating on the stripper cake? I'm guessing it wasn't an Afghan native

aedifica said...

On cakes for the military, I figured the silver balls were representative of bullets. No? :-)

(Hope this isn't a double post. It looks like it's giving me an error on my first attempt, but I can't tell if it's just waiting for moderation.)

Smoochiefrog said...

Those little silver balls were removed from shelves due to mercury in the metallic covering in the past. They have since been allowed back. California still does not sell them. They're called dragees and they're totally edible.

Anonymous said...

That last one screams vagina.

Banana-head Pancake said...

oh dear, i just laughed so hard. those are amazing.

Tas said...

Dude! Edible Ball Bearings! Even Dr. Who knows they're delicious :)

icie said...

In that stripper one, i see a blast amputee. Are the locals trying to say something?

Anonymous said...

I'm glad someone saw bears and armadillos in the last one. I thought it was the female parts from the Green Exotic Dancer in the original Star Trek series.

Jenny said...

I'd really love to go to whatever strip club has double-amputee dancers.

I love this site, by the way. We made a friend a penis-cake once, but it was from a mold so hardly as mindblowing as most of these.

LeeLee said...

In military parlance, "6" means back or rear - as in "cover my 6."

So do they call him "Dancer A**"?

Anna said...

OMG! Someone just pointed me in the direction of your blog and I haven't stopped laughing since I got here! Especially since I am a cake decorator (pro) and it boggles my mind that people actually paid for these cakes. Too funny!
Thanks for the laughs!

Emily said...

It looks like the stripper is badly bruised. Maybe from his previous customers being incredibly dissatisfied so they kicked his ass to the door?

Amanda said...

I love the first cake -- a Florida Gators logo and an Ohio State "Gatorbait" logo, with the score of the 2006 BCS National Championship (Football) Game when we (Florida) kicked OSU's butts (for the first time that year). But what it has to do with a birthday cake and the writing below, I have no idea. And it's kind of hideous.

bats :[ said...

The little silver balls are called dragees. They were scared off the market by a dinkwad lawyer in CA (at least in the Bay Area) when he sued Martha Stewart and several bakeries for using them, since silver can be toxic (in large doses. over a long period of time. like you're sitting around eating whole bottles of the things.). Too bad he has felt the need to pursue this all the way to Kabul.
Here's a 2003 article on Mr. "Think of the Children! Won't Someone Think of the Children?"
http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?file=/chronicle/archive/2003/12/23/MNGS03SUEM1.DTL

MissDirected said...

I like that the guy is nicknamed Dancer 6, yet the guy is missing half his legs. That's an especially nice touch to send a soldier.

rrrearden said...

OK, here is where I couldn't hold it in any longer.....LOLOLOLOL!!
Thank you so much, this site is headed for fame.
Keep up the good work. I'm going to have to limit myself so I don't literally bust a gut.
Nice work.

Anonymous said...

IT'S A BARMADILLO!!! RUN AWAYYY!!!

Gator Mommy said...

Oh-my-gosh! This site is hilarious! I just woke my husband up because I was laughing so loudly.

But, hey, I like the first cake on this thread. As a Gator fan, that National Championship game was "Sa-weet!"

And, yes, Beautiful_Tension, Ohio State WAS truly Gator Bait in 2006! We defeated them in both the football and basketball championship games.

It is GREAT to be a FLORIDA GATOR!

Anonymous said...

I know I am going back on an old post here but I can't help myself. Something about this creature just screams ManBearPig to me.

k said...

"and i cannot stress this enough: ball bearings you can eat - genius!"

though really out of place on these particular cakes...

The Girl said...

I'm sure no one is checking such an old post, but...

The stripper only looks as though he is wearing shorts because his legs are cut off above the knee. The line around his waist is clearly from a banana hammock, meaning of course that his butt IS totally bare

BillDarryl said...

Two thoughts on the Dancer 6 cake:

1 - Are we sure that reservist is an exotic dancer and not a freak show exhibit? I mean, ye gods, his ass crack reaches his lats! I'd pay to see that!

2 - So at the beginning of that reservist's career, he truly was a Private Dancer, right?

Anonymous said...

LOL, my name is Sara C.!! I am also Italian!!! Thank you for this post, and you're right, we DO use those silver balls as sprinkles!!!

Anonymous said...

those silver balls are candy sprinkles, you can buy them all over the place in Canada and they taste SO GOOD! love them. so... you can't get them in the states? My sympathy for you guys deepens....

Rachel Leastlikely said...

i really like the bear, actually.

whizkidforte said...

The first cake deserves a "Intentional Misuse of Dragées" (hence the silver balls) award - but it is funny nevertheless!

Anonymous said...

Over the "bear" on the last one it says MONTANA. I kinda see a bat in a tree on the last cake. This website is so funny!

Cupcakes Lady said...

LOl Alf..I kinda see it too. Poor guys, they need more cheering up out there than these cakes! ;) xx

Haiku Joy said...

They want the bakers
to frost my naked cakerear?
How much an hour?