Monday, July 7, 2008

I Think I Just Lost My Appetite

Monday, July 7, 2008


People, I’ve seen some bad cakes in my time, alright? Poor execution, bizarre subject matter, awful color choices - you name it. Still, nothing has ever made this baked-goods-addict put down her fork until today.

This looks like something the baker found moldering in an old shower, covered with fuzz. It's shiny, but lumpy. The brown and bile-green meld together just a little too organically - and is that a spot of acid yellow I see under the pile of green in the upper left corner? Speaking of which, what is that green stringy crap supposed to be? It’s just randomly plopped on in disgusting wriggly masses....

[averting eyes and taking deep breaths]



Urk. Ok, sorry - back to the commentary...

And that texture: short of applying the icing with a brillo pad, I don’t know how one would achieve such a pitted, uneven surface. Was there a shortage of spatulas? Of icing? Of people who can see colors? Sure, I get that this is supposed to be camouflage, but do the personnel at toxic waste dumps even wear camouflage?
kristin said...

I so love this blog! The commentary is hilarious!! I have to say though, that this cake really "takes the cake." This is really quite gross!! Do people actually pay money for this stuff after seeing it? This has got to be the worst one yet.

Tora said...

Bleurgh!

What were they thinking?!

Artamuse said...

I love your comments :) You are so funny!
It's not supposed to be a cake!
is it really a cake! oooohhhh!!as tora said be****!

Anonymous said...

Looks like it might've been camouflage for a military-style cake but even the decorations "desserted" the cake - lol

Gail said...

MAYBE THIS IS TRENT REZNOR'S BIRTHDAY CAKE? AND THAT IS WHY IT'S SO SAD?

...but thanks for asking. said...

Am I the only one who sees a moldy sandwich? I really think they were trying to make a sandwich. You know, a sandwich cake. It looks like a sandwich, but it's a cake. It's like eating lunch but it's dessert. Brilliant, really.

Night Owl said...

To me, it says "why yes, I did take the shortcut through the swamp when delivering the cake." "how can you tell?"

Anonymous said...

Actually, if you make the picture bigger, it looks like most of the surface of the cake is actually *unfrosted*...ewwww.

Andie Grace said...

I just laughed so hard I cried.

Seoul Brother said...

Someone warn Trent that Soylent Cake is made of People!

turnthepage said...

I'm pretty sure that's supposed to be dirt or something, not camo, look at the patches of grass.

Anonymous said...

I'm guessing the pits in the icing just mean old buttercream-- I worked at a "who cares if the cake is pretty, FASTER" supermarket bakery for a while, and ours got so nasty sitting out over 24 hours that a molten hot spatula weilded by Payard himself couldn't have gotten a cake to look decent. It just screams overworked, undermotivated supermarket decorator. I think I'd be laughing harder if I didn't see the misery so clearly.

Karla makes art said...

Hahaha! I'm with "...but thanks for asking" on this one, I think it's supposed to be a moldy sandwich!! But still....gross!!!!!

Anonymous said...

Is this a "camo" cake?
KCH

Anonymous said...

lol. and the advert right next to the picture says : Green Bowel Movements. by healthline.

jennifer said...

I agree - its supposed to be a moldy sandwich, not camo. I think they did an excellent job although I cannot imagine the scenario in which one would request a moldy sandwich cake.

Wasser said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
JoyBugaloo said...

I get it! It's a movie theme. It's the sandwich that (temporarily blind) Tom Cruise eats in "Minority Report!"

Tee hee.

Thanks for making me nearly pee myself reading this post!

--Gina (http://lindseysluscious.blogspot.com)

Anonymous said...

actually i think it looks more like a moldy lasagne

Anonymous said...

It looks like someone tried to caramelize it with a creme brulee torch.

heather (errantdreams) said...

"Sure, I get that this is supposed to be camouflage"

... Oh, wow. I didn't even get that far. I read that sentence, did a double-take, went back up to look at the photo again, and thought, incredulously---"camouflage?!" But then, I can't imagine what else they could have been intending!

Amazing.

Andrea said...

I think we might have a "weed cake" situation here, which, if you think about it, can explain almost everything about this little delicacy.

Anonymous said...

was that baked AFTER it was frosted???

Loxley said...

Here's the thing...I don't think this cake is iced at all. I think someone airbrushed the cake, THEN baked it. The only frosting is the stringy green stuff, which means that lovely pitted texture is the cake itself. Whoever "Trent" is, I'm guessing his therapy bills are pretty high. Thoughts?

Anonymous said...

Oh, I don't know. If Trent is, say, an 11-year-old boy, he probably thinks it's the coolest cake ever. At that age, the gross-out factor is a plus rather than a minus.

elesa said...

I know how you get a texture like that. It's drywall mud. I tried to recreate that very texture when I mudded the bathroom walls.
And it makes sense really, because as everyone knows, nothing says "I'm a man now!" like eating a cake frosted in Spackle!

Julie said...

Maybe Trent is a giraffe? I kinda see giraffe some how.

Brenda said...

I think this cake is un-iced. It's just a cake out of the oven, and then green squiggles added.

Either way, it's still ugly. Unfortunately, it looks like someone with my skill made the cake. :)

Kennedy said...

Ew, grody!!
Not appetizing AT ALL

Aaron of Minneapolis said...

It looks like a heavy smoker's lungs with gangrene. Ick ick ick!

Nichsa said...

So a friend sent me the link to this site tonight and i've been having fun checking out the photos. a few oh wows and man what were they thinking comments came to my head. but after seeing the spiderman cupcake cake, i started giggling. then i clicked on the link to the Government Issued Camo cake. and the commentary sent me into full blown laughter, i woke my boyfriend up. With out the comments these would just be some messed up cakes. It truly takes an artist to turn something that sad into something that hysterical, with just words. and btw i pulled a half a loaf of bread from the top shelf of my cabinet that looked just like that!

Anonymous said...

I agree with Nichsa. I have been laughing so hard that even my nostrils are getting sore from flaring. I keep having to wipe my eyes so I can still see these abominations.

Anonymous said...

Perhaps it's a lasagna with spinach or something?

I can't understand why people like to eat things with these extreme bright chemo-colors anyway. It looks like spray-painted polyurethane foam.

Anna said...

..oh, that's camo?

I thought it was supposed to look like a moldy sandwich. Which, I guess, is a weird cake inspiration...

Christian said...

You are absolutely, without a doubt HILARIOUS!
I just had to stifle laughter at my desk... I will bookmark your page AT HOME!! LOL
Thanks :)

Christian Malson
-South Carolina

Ricebubbles said...

methinks the ... STRINGS (we shall call it this for our stomachs sakes)... are there to cover those um yellow stains. what other reason is there to put umm STRING on cake?

has anyone checked if this is a cupcake-cake? it seems to have those brown spots at regular intervals as if someone rubbed boot polish over all the lumpy bits (if my theory is correct aka the cupcakes)

Julie said...

I didn't read all the posts following the moldy camo cake; perhaps this comment was already made.

But, look at the cake from a stoner's point of view: Those green blobs MIGHT be cannabis leaves...well, and when one is half-baked, the rest of the decorations might actually look ok.

-Jules

Anonymous said...

Camouflage! It's camouflage. I see it now. Had you not said it I would have been here all night trying to figure out why in the world someone ever thought to try and make a cake that would in anyway resemble this monstrosity. Thank you. Now I may sleep tonight.

housemdfan1 said...

It... looks like a nasty bruise... rather than camouflage. And I KNOW camo!

RDRumpf said...

Ew! Ew! Ew!!!!!!

Kristi Smart Romantic Fantasy Coats and Clothing. said...

Ah. A new use for that left over guacamole.

Scarlett Robyn said...

OMG. That's all I can say.

Makes ya wonder what they ASKED for!

Cake in a Box Lady said...

My stomach just churned for some reason! Not a good sign. ;) x

Haiku Joy said...

I can't find Trent's cake.
It must be blending in with
my Swamp Thing nightmare.