Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Get Me Holly Hobbie's Head on a Platter!

Tuesday, July 29, 2008


I guess its the camera angle, but every time I look at this cake I see a baby head wearing a giant bonnet. And yes, a body-less baby would be a little disquieting, but I think you could make the case that a Baby Burrito is just as bad. What's wrong with a Baby Burrito, you ask? Several things. Allow me to list them for you:

1) Ok, first off, check out the baby's expression. It's no easy feat to achieve a look that's both dead-eyed and horrified at the same time, but this baker just has those kind of skills.
2) Next, try to imagine the position the baby's body would have to be in to have his (it's supposed to be a boy - more on that in a minute) chin lying flat on the table and his body stretched out behind. Who needs that pesky spinal cord anyway, am I right?
3) Baby is packing some serious junk in the trunk: check out that badonk-a-donk rump*!
4) There are no arms. Which, come to think of it, might explain reason #1.


Part of why I love all your e-mail submissions, folks, is that I have the option of grilling you for more details. In this case, I had to ask for a little more explanation regarding the, er, display. Wrecks reader Katie explained that the blue & white blanket was added to, and I quote, "boy it up", since the general consensus was that the cake was too feminine. And that black thing? That's a duck whistle. Yeah. It was also added to be, and again I quote "another signifier of the male gender". Yeah - a duck whistle.

Katie C, your family rocks.



*My sincere apologies to all R&B artists, individuals under 25, and non-honky people in general for attempting to use "hip" slang. I promise it won't happen again.
John Gjertsen said...

pretty sure badonkadonk has no hyphenation. Your "it won't happen again" disclaimer, however, was the funniest part.

Deb said...

I thought it was a baby stuck inside a watermelon!

Chris said...

Alright, that does it. I move that we all write our congresspeople to establish an immediate moratorium on human-being-shaped cakes of all kinds. This has gone on long enough, and we need an intervention.

My next comment was going to start out with, "And did you see those eyelashes..." when it hit me—there's no way you couldn't have. So I'll leave it at this: while on the subject of the baker's mad skillz, let's not forget the often-sought ability to draw enormous, unmistakeable eyelashes that are completely disproportionate in size and darkness to the overall complexion of the cake.

And as to why cakes can ever have "complexions" in the first place, please refer to the first part of this comment.

Janell said...

He looks like he's going for the whistle to call for help.

Tina said...

The cabbage patch baby from hell!

Andrea said...

First off, can't get enough of this website.

No matter how I look at this cake I only see a baby head with a bonnet. I understand what it's supposed to be, but you're right, arms would have been a big help. Let's hope there are feet in the back.

Holly said...

I totally see the giant bonnet. A floating head with a giant bonnet and a blanket wrapped around it because giant heads get chilly.

heyt said...

It took me entirely too long to realize that it was not in fact Holly Hobbie @_@

brazen's crafts said...

to me it looks just like a head (no body) but with that swelling of the brain, or a growth coming out of it. UGH

readsalot said...

Very weird cake. No more baby/human anatomy cakes! Why would you want to cut into something like that?

Kittymao said...

I don't even know WHAT to think. I mean, egads. How does one even CUT a cake like that? I'd like a slice of baby melon, please.

Rachael M. said...

OH MY GOD.

I thought it just had a very strange hat on! I kept wondering, "Where is this big butt she keeps talking about?" WOW.

Did they just say, "How about a cake of a baby stuffed into an ugly pillowcase from Memaw's?"

'Cause if they did, mission accomplished.

slycreations said...

Did you notice that the dent in his cheek is deeper than the protrusion of his nose? Poor little floating head looks like he's been drop kicked.

Anonymous said...

Yeeeeeeuccch.

So which is worse, the baby head cake or the baby butt cake?

MaryO said...

Obviously this poor child is suffering from a major glandular problem - and it's affecting "his" head! OMG!

I'm inclined to agree with Deb who sez it looks like a baby stuck inside a watermelon. Yep. Definitely. What you said.;-)

Lashleyveta said...

Actually coming from a under 25er you did petty well and it looked more southern then hip-hop :P.
My more loves making cakes and she showed me your blog. I check it daily lol. Keep up the good work.

Stacie said...

I feel sad that someone paid to have this cake made only to have to add a duck whistle & boy blanket to make sure the guests knew the gender.

Also, this website is hilarious!

Anonymous said...

I love your blog. I check it every day.

Sorry to use the comment section (but I can't use the 'send email' link). Have you seen www.uglyweddingcake.com ?

Dea said...

"Mary? Yeah, she wound up with a c-section, but MAN, they had to cut it bigger than normal. Well, yeah, did you SEE the size of his HEAD??? Basketball comes to mind, no? And he looks so scared to be arriving, right?? Poor Mary, she thinks he's cute..."

That would be the catty sister-in-law talking to her friend about the new baby's arrival....

TrixieTaxi said...

OK, Pod Baby aside, that is one serious piece o' work on that blanket. ;o)

Amydeanne said...

okay i'm laughing your blog is awesome!

Anonymous said...

I'm having strong flashbacks to "Mars Attacks" right about now...

TMTCO said...

I'm gonna have nightmares!!!! Someone hold me!

amp said...

>blink<

okay, seriously, this looks like one of those platters with the roasted pig with the apple in it's mouth, except it's a cake shaped like a baby.

*runs to scrub her eyes with a brillo pad*

Anonymous said...

I just found your site last week through a friend. I'm now a daily reader. Absolutely awesome! I know I'll get a laugh, or at least something to ponder, everyday.

Laura Witkowski said...

There's the reason you never saw Holly Hobbie's face before...

Amanda said...

OMG. That's a baby under a blanket? I totally thought that was a baby with a giant bonnett. SOOOO weird.

Nick said...

I would have the same dead-eye/horror expression, too, if I were stuck underneath some crappy basketweave-airbrushed blanket.

Flinx the Weasel said...

Ok, I see the babymellon, and I see the giant bonnet, but I saw this and immediately thought "Glow worm"

ProfessorDog said...

OK, so if I'm understanding this cake correctly, it's a baby lying on its front with a blanket pulled up so as to obscure all of its limbs and other human-type features (except the face). Not only is the poor dear about to be eaten in some sort of horrifying cannibalistic ritual, but it's also in danger of dying of SIDS first.

On reflection, I'm not sure if that makes it better or worse.

Katie, if you're ever called upon to make a monstrosity like this again, I'd consider facing the head the other way around.

Lindsay said...

Haha, I think it actually looks like a baby blow up doll.

halfgk said...

I'm with you -- I didn't get that the "body" was supposed to be inside the green whatever-it-was at all.

And NOTHING about that said "boy."

The duck whistle didn't help. I thought somebody just left their little camera on the blanket or something.

~~

This is an AWESOME blog! Please keep up the great work!!!

Who's Your Audience said...

She looks like she has no arms and no legs - a baby worm!! Very disturbing.

kristin said...

Okay- I've been on vacation the last five days so I haven't been able to check your blog. I so love it! Good grief, the cakes I missed being exposed to. The deformed foot had to be the grossest cake yet. Seriously, who wants to eat that? I'm sure everyone there had looks of horror and pity between their eyes. This particular cake however, I actually thought was a girl, and then upon closer inspection I realized that it was being eluded to as a boy. I agree with the above writer when he says we ought to ban all cakes that resemble human parts. ALL human parts. Good grief.

JamieM said...

haha...this is the funniest thing I've ever read! :)

Anonymous said...

I thought maybe the whistle was intended to be a microphone. Just what every baby shower needs...disembodied baby karayoke!!

Tammy Coxen said...

My four year old was sitting on my lap and saw this picture. "What's that, mommy?" I told him it was a cake. "But that little baby is a frog!"

Georgie B said...

Freaky.

Reminds of Alice in a cake in the Tom Petty video, "Don't Come Round No More".

Mellissa said...

Good Lord, it looks like a severed blow-up doll's head, lurking under a really awful 70's bathmat. I think my mother had a bathmat just like it...

Maggiethecat said...

I've been following this blog for a couple of weeks, and this particular wreck has been haunting me since. If I'd been at that shower the idea of stealing that poor terrified burrito baby and hiding him somewhere safe would have certainly crossed my mind... I mean, how sadistic is this cake?

That said, if it's true that laughing lenghtens your life expectancy, I would like to thank Cake Wrecks for the extra fifteen or twenty years added ;-)

Anonymous said...

The heading alone made me laugh so hard a little pee came out.

Absolute GOLD!

Leah said...

Duck whistle? "boy it up". Pretty sure I'm going to die laughing. Don't order cake.

aka Laura said...

Good Lord!!
I have tears rolling down my face, I am laughing so hard.
Just found your blog and I WILL be back!

Awesome!

mousekemom said...

Looks like a cabbage patch kid with a really bad growth coming out of its head...yuck! How can you look at some of this stuff??? I think I might have a nightmare. LOL

Anonymous said...

Um... over here in the UK "honkey" is considered very racist! Maybe it means something different in the US?

Lost Eclipse said...

Sorry if I do this wrong; this is my very first blog post ever. And I'm sharing it with you guys!

I thought it was just a head. And I'm thinking... it doesn't have junk in the trunk, it has a huge alien head! Like from Indiana Jones.

Anonymous said...

It is a very cute cake intended for a baby shower. I don't know for sure if this is one my store did or not, but we do something like it. It is very popular. The blanket "covers" up the baby. The face has been recently added to personalize. They were at first just "covered" up. No face. And yes - there are feet.

Anonymous said...

I'd like to see a picture of a baby cake you could do. Next time tell the cake decorators that you wanted a boy looking cake and the eyelashes wouldn't be so long and the blanket could have been given a different color. It's just a cake it's not like it's an actual baby it's cake it doesn't have to make sense.

Melinda

rho said...

The cake is too funny but just to correct you on one thing it is a duck call not a duck whistle ;)

Anonymous said...

Are you positive it's not a doll's head with a bonnet? Good grief, that cake is....interesting. xD

Anonymous said...

Reminds me of a cross between Baby Peach and Toad from Mario Kart...skeery stuff.

VixenlyVenimous said...

Do you watch SOUTH PARK? Remember the "Christina Aguilara Monster" from the Riddilin Episode? This reminded me of a green, cake-wrecked version of that....

-Erin

Karey said...

OMG this is the funniest blog I have ever seen! Keep it up!

Anonymous said...

All I can think is that the baby's mouth looks like it would actually hold up the whistle, so you put it there and press down and the 'blanket' that conceals some sort of plastic dealy that squeaks. (Because hidden jetsam is more fun than the obvious kind.)

rascalmom said...

I am new to this blog and thus reading all old entries...this one so far is the one that has caused me to laugh till tears are running down my face. I am trying to guess whether perhaps one of the parents is an alien and thus not familiar with human anatomy...? Also, that would explain the attempt to use a whistle to "boy it up." Huh? Do whistles=boys generally?
My final thought is that if the actual baby in question ever sees this picture years down the road, he won't really need to do talk therapy because he could just give the picture to therapist directly...and that will explain all....

Cupcakes Lady said...

Is that the head from the baby butt cake lol. Ladies and gentleman we have a winner! x

Documentaries said...

I just found your site last week through a friend. I'm now a daily reader. Absolutely awesome! I know I'll get a laugh, or at least something to ponder, everyday.

Haiku Joy said...

I am a balloon,
fondant-wrapped, blankie-smothered,
and forced to whistle.