Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Drew's Birthday Wish

Wednesday, July 30, 2008


“Aaaaand here comes the birthday boy’s cake! Now, Drew, remember when your father and I asked you what you wanted for your birthday, and you said you wanted a second Xbox 360 for your game room, and we said no? You do? Well, do you remember what you asked to get for your birthday after that? (Look at me when I’m talking to you, young man.) Do you remember? No? C’mon, why don’t you tell your aunts and uncles and grandparents what you told us you wanted for your birthday, hmmm?”

[incoherent mumbling]

“What was that, sweetie? Did you say you asked for your father and I to die horrible deaths? Because that’s what I remember you asking for – isn’t that right, Charles? Isn’t that what Drew wanted for his birthday? Well, Drew, I’m so sorry we couldn’t oblige you this year – but maybe we WILL die horrible deaths one year soon, and then won’t you feel terrible for making that kind of request for your birthday? Well? Won’t you?"

[slamming cake down]

"So, hahah, here’s your birthday cake! Isn’t it lovely? I just hope that when your father and I really are rotting in our graves you’ll remember today, and you’ll think about how hurtful words can be."

[smiling brightly] "Now, who wants ice cream?"
{Anissa} said...

I love it -- I read this to my kids -- Just be careful what you wish for. LOL

Claudia said...

BWA!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA omg that is so clever, wtg on the narrative, I can only imagine what the real story was here

*Michelle said...

At first I just saw the worms and thought "Well thats not SOO bad for a boys birthday, kids love to play in the mud." THEN I saw the skulls and protruding bones. Holy cow I hope this was a Halloween birthday because otherwise, I'm thinking the Child Protective Services might need to be called.... again.

Amanda said...

Wow, that's great! I've got to admit, though, my husband and I made a desert graveyard cake for my mom for her 50th birthday. The theme was a buzzard party. She loved it.

TheCourteousChihuahua said...

Are you sure the kid's name isn't Damien?????

Anonymous said...

And we wonder why kids shoot up their schools... I really do hope this was a joke, and not the real story behind this cake...

Lashleyveta said...

I think I know the real story. *fades out to a four yr olds birthday with chocolate pudding cake with gummy worms.*Some of us just think it is fun :P
Loved the narrative.

Terri said...

PMSL! OMG the comentary really made it!

cmoore said...

Hah! This isn't the best cake, but I think that might be your best commentary. Yikes.

ladysorka said...

I admit, my birthday cakes as a kid were often similar to that. But that's because my birthday is right before Halloween so my birthday parties were always Halloween themed.

Chris said...

I had the same initial reaction that Michelle did. I thought it was just good ol' worms'n'dirt until I saw the close-up.

Then, while shuddering at the skulls, I noticed the strategic placement of the bottom-most green worm.

a) That skeleton is obviously a boy.
b) Some cake makers are horridly oblivious.

R J Keefe said...

I love it when a finely-tune entry completely upstages the wreck that inspired it!

Geo said...

You are deadly clever!

Chaucer's Bitch said...

i dunno, i think it's kinda cute. the legs and arms are a new twist, but the chocolate dirt and gummy worms theme is practically traditional where i'm from.

Kasey said...

I'm so confused. At first glance it looked like a good old fashioned dirt cake, but the skeleton bit is just confusing. Ya gotta pick one theme and go with it, you know?

Snarkmeister said...

Actually, I have to say that my nine-year-old son would LOVE a cake like this. He (like many other boys his age) is obsessed with monsters, devils, zombies, demons, skeletons, skulls, flames, etc. Anything remotely scary, he's drawn to it. His favorite movie for about a year was "Nightmare Before Christmas" -- he even dressed up as Jack Skellington for Halloween that year! He & his dad decorate their Christmas tree with Halloween ornaments every year; they even have a matching wreath for their door, and spider-shaped holiday string lights outside the house!

So while I do appreciate the funny post, I can also see that it's not exactly time to ring up Social Services. ;-)

Rachael M. said...

I, like others, thought, "Oh, 9 year old boys like dirt! I've done "dirt" cupcakes for things.." and then I saw the skull and bones...

Yeah - I hope this was from a Halloween Birthday!

The Adventure of Linds and Lyds! said...

Little Drew didnt even spring for caskets for his parents rotting bones!

organic mom said...

I think that my son would love this cake. It is the next level on a dirt cake and looks great.

Shannon River said...

You know... your write up is hilarious, but I'm a little more terrified of the inverse being true. Little 9 year old Drew has this fascination with worms going in and out of rotting corpses. Hmmm....

samuraikitten said...

I want that cake. It's awesome!!!!

I totally would make my boyfriend or me or anyone a cake like that!!!

Of course I also made a cat box cake, an outhouse cake, and plan on making a poop cake next year :P

Mintaka said...

er... What does it say about me that my first thought was "Cool! I want that for my next birthday!"?

Julie said...

That. Was. Inspired.

Seriously. Best commentary EVER. XD

dykewife said...

it's called "dirt cake" and it's very popular amongst the male under 12 y/o set. i've never seen skeletons but i have seen it with dog bones sticking out as well as gummy worms and candy bugs.

John Seavey said...

It could also be a pirate-themed party...those scurvy dogs were the only ones who knew where the presents were buried besides the Cap'n, but they'll be takin' that secret to Davy Jones' Locker! Arrr!

Dea said...

I love the commentary! Too funny!

My son would be all over skel-keton (how he says it) cakes, but this one is WEIRD. LOL! And truly - they had to get a professional bakery to do worms and dirt cake? Worms and dirt cake is the way we who cannot ice a cake properly cover up the atrocious job we did! LOL!

The Bemused Muse said...

LOL. I'm not surprised if the narrative has some truth to it.



Hey, I like the cake... especially the gummy worms.

mere9 said...

the cake gets a C, the narration gets an A++!

Jade, Will and Illy said...

Great post! I hope your son didn't really say that to you, though... Ouch.

Faith said...

That comment from "snarkmeister" helped solidify for me one thing that I've pretty well known all my life, but it's always helpful to have a "snarky" (???) person go ahead and point it out now and then to remind me...

Boys. Are. Gross.

I had ice cream cakes from Baskin Robbins for my birthdays between the ages of 8 and 12. They were nice. Round, decorated with icing. Probly had some flowers on them, too.

Nothing depicting worms crawling through the bodies of corpses, though. ::shudders::

Anonymous said...

i am so going to use this cake idea when i have kids to teach them a lesson...


(if they treat me half as bad as how i treated my parents).

Jen said...

Don't you remember the song about "The worms crawl in, the worms crawl out, The worms play pinochle on your snout. They eat your eyes, they eat your nose, They eat the jelly between your toes".

Personally, I'm just glad the kid didn't ask for a "Great green gobs of greasy grimy gopher guts" cake...

Dianne said...

Oh, oh, oh...

You know how to make me laugh when I need a laugh :)

Rhonda said...

This is the greatest blog ever!! You're so clever with your writing and I loved reading every one of them!!

Kristen said...

OMG - hysterical!

Laura said...

I think it's the age, not necessarily the gender of the cake recipient. My stepdaughter was 9 the first time I met her, and she was laying in the booth seat at a Denny's pretending it was her coffin, arms crossed over her chest. She's a lovely young lady now, with only shadows of her twisted youth. I don't think Drew is going to be the next Manson. Save CPS for the deformed babies that mothers are carving up at their showers.

But your narrative was side-splitting, so keep up the suppositions!

Harper said...

I think that cake is pretty cool, personally.

likebunnies said...

My kid's name is Damien and he'd love this cake. I think it's his age. No one else would want to touch it, though.

Stephanie said...

OMG you seriously cause me to laugh out loud. I soooo needed this.
Hilarious.
Love it. Great cake too.

Lin said...

Thank you for posting this cake and narrative. I really needed the laugh.

Which reminds me, I think I need to make this for my mother-in-law for her February birthday. (I know its going to be a while, but I know she's gonna make me crazy then - my son's (her first grandson's) birthday is the day after hers and according to her, its all about her, even if it will be his first b-day.

Thanks for making me feel better. :)

Nicole said...

Drew's mom is my hero.

Anonymous said...

Sadly enough, this cake looks delicious to me. But Im only 15, and adore gummy worms.

I really hope this cake was for some gothic kid with conservative parents. And he didnt even ask for a cake. The parents just figured he already looked like death, why not make it offical?

Brenda Shaw said...

That is a brilliant cake for a little gothling. XD Definitely just a creepy twist on the dirt cake.

The best dirt cake I ever had was served in a toy plastic wheelbarrow with a plastic shovel as a serving scoop.

Sarah said...

I can see this happening for a Halloween birthday. Just maybe. Even that's pushing it.

monsoon said...

Creative parenting at it's best! I love this and will be passing it along!

Anonymous said...

What on earth is wrong with this cake? It looks great!

jen shikami said...

The only thing that could improve this cake would be if it were a bleeding cake: http://www.365halloween.com/bleedy-cake

Anonymous said...

It's a cake for an old person. It's to make fun of them for being one year closer to the grave. You didn't get it.

Faith said...

Anony at 6:07 on Aug 7th: "It's a cake for an old person. It's to make fun of them for being one year closer to the grave. You didn't get it."

Um, perhaps you missed the number 9 sitting in the middle of the cake? Yeah, not exactly on the way to the grave, I'd think. And if it is for a 9 year old that's cheating death somehow, then that just makes it even more sick. Nice try, though!

stephany said...

I was thinking more along the lines of the kids' song that goes
"Nobody loves me
Everybody hates me
I'm going to the garden to eat worms.."
And I guess that song goes well with story you provided. :-D

Anonymous said...

This cake was perfectly executed.

WakeGrace said...

oh lord, that narrative made me laugh so hard im crying. i can picture it perfectly. ahh parents. i can see that turning out exactly how you said.

all i can think of is the crickets chirping in the background to cover the awkward silence the guests are experiencing as they shift in their seats going omg how do i get out of this?!

Anonymous said...

I have a friend who would love to celebrate halloween year-round... It wouldn't surprise me if this was her cake for one of her kids (since she makes them obsess over the same things she does). At least, I would have thought it was hers if not for the fact that her boys are younger and neither are named Drew. While it's not my idea of a good cake, I don't really consider this to be a disaster.

Lindsey said...

I'm a 20 year old female and I want this cake! Reminds me of when I was in elementary school and we took clear, plastic cups and filled them with chocolate pudding and gummy worms to simulate mud and worms. So good!

*Shannon said...

That was hilarious! I love your commentary

Anonymous said...

Seriously...I want this for my birthday cake next month - I LOVE dirt-cake!

Karla with a K said...

You are hilarious!!!!

Came here from Dawn's blog (mom2my6pack.blogspot.com). So glad she posted the link.

Lauren said...

i love this cake! lol i'd totally choose it.

zack said...

I'm sorry, I've just got to say...

That looks really cool.
I think that some of your "cake wrecks" aren't wrecks at all! That look like a GREAT Halloween cake.

Bah humbug.

Anonymous said...

Three letters: L-O-L. In case you don't know, that's ELL-OH-ELL, LAUGH-OUT-LOUD. Wait...*walks to cake place* "Make it say LOL, as in laugh out loud" says me "Oh wait, no, don't!"*1 week later I pick upa cake that says "Make it say LOL, as in laugh out loud oh wait, no, don't!"* Crud...

orangeninjashavemorefun said...

I found your site earlier today, don't remember how.. but I was at work and had to stop reading because these cakes are crackign me up.
This post, about the worm cake for Drew... Oh my. I'm in hysterics here!
I am totally bookmarking this site!

Thanks for the laughs!!!

MightiMidget said...

Okay...so I have been reading this backwards straight for the past few hours. And this one finally made it so I had to completely crack up and say: You are awesome!!!

muertealkitsch said...

Your site is amazing. Proof of just how good this entry was, for one, is that I translated the entire thing to spanish, so my friends could read it, and they still cracked up! Nothing was lost in translation! The amusement over badly-done cakes trascends languages... haha

Anonymous said...

ohmigosh...
that narrative and then looking at the cake again?
DON'T DO IT.
IT'S SCARY.

Anonymous said...

Oh, and my point is mostly because of only seeing the worms, then reading it, then seeing the bones, knowing what they (probly didn't really) mean...
as well as *Michell.

Anonymous said...

When I was a kid my favorite cake was one my mom made with chocolate pudding, whiped creak, and crushed oreo cookies. She put it in a ** brand new, clean** flower pot ans stuck tulips in it, then set it on the table a a centerpiece for the party. No one knew it was a cake. then when it came time to serve she dug into it with a trowel and plopped scoops onto everyone's plates, and i will admit there were gummy worms sticking out. :P
Some of my prissier friends were a little creeped out, but it became a running family joke to pull whenever new friends were coming to a party.

Melissa said...

HAHAHAHAHAHA!

Oh, my word -- that is *hilariously* funny! When I saw the cake, I didn't think much about it. Little boys like worms and bones and stuff like that. Then I read your commentary and couldn't stop laughing!

Nemene said...

You know what's really sad? I could totally see my mom doing this, dialog and everything. maybe that's why its not so funny to me.

Katherine said...

You are brilliant. This post made me cry with laughter. Thank you!

Rachel. S. said...

Besides the clever narrative, I honestly don't think this is much of a cake wreck.

Call me morbid, but it seems rather creative to me. It's much better than the time I was given a suspiciously red cake and told it was made with horse blood.

Anonymous said...

My cousin has a birthday in october, so one year my dad made her a brownie graveyard cake-she loved it and laughed heartily

Haiku Joy said...

Glad you got it through
your thick skull to buy me cake.
Hey, my slice's bone dry!