Monday, June 30, 2008

There is no black and white...

Monday, June 30, 2008

Only shades of gray.

Well, at this bakery, at least. The order was for a black & white cake done in polka dots. Evidently the decorator decided that "black & white" meant to mix the two colors together, resulting in the lovely cement color you see here. Then, after using the airbrush to make the cake surface look like an advanced stage of leprosy, he or she decided it still needed that little extra "something": more dots! (And I love how the dots only go around the airbrushed bull's eyes, never over them: it kind of looks like ants swarming around their mounds.) Then, to finish it off (in more ways than one), said decorator slapped on an off-center birthday greeting - minus the exclamation mark, of course; such a display of festivity would be sorely (pun-alert!) out of place.

The bakery was so proud of this masterpiece that they refused to refund the birthday girl's family any money - even though she cried at the sight of it. [Shaking head sadly] Yeah, kids these days...I guess they just don't appreciate art when they see it.
Anonymous said...

Are you sure that is air brush paint? Maybe it just sat out too long and is starting to grow mold. Maybe the decorator saw mold in her shower this morning and was inspired by it.

Anonymous said...

I'm enjoying your blog--and I absolutely love that you have a reference to a Monkees song! :)

T

Anonymous said...

It is reminiscent of anti-aircraft fire exploding in air

Anonymous said...

On the other hand, I don't think I've ever seen "silver" icing before.

Anonymous said...

Seriously, has this girl's family not heard of a credit card chargeback? If you don't get what you paid for, you get your money back.

Chaucer's Bitch said...

Looking at this makes me feel the need to get my eyes checked. It's absolutely seizure-inducing.

mystitat said...

I actually quite like it. It's not nearly so bad as most of the cake wrecks here. And I think the silver icing's pretty cool. At least it's neat - though the inscription should really be center.

chamoisee said...

It's really hard to make pure black icing. The dye has to be so concentrated that it tends to bleed...a sickly color green....into the white background....unless it is eaten within the day. This is probably why the bakery didn't use pure black. Airbrushing is even worse, because you more or less have to hold the brush right on the spot until the dye is pooling on the surface of the cake to get a pure black spot.

Red is the worst, though...never, ever order a cake with bright red anything. Whatever it is that makes the red dye, it tastes absolutely awful, and yes, you have to use a lto of red dye to get pure red color, so the taste is quite pronounced. Using a little bit will give pink.

Anonymous said...

Two things (Probably more cause I tend to run on...) If the icing is whippy, black will only stay for about ten minutes before fading to gray if airbrushed.
The only way to get good looking black frosting is to use chocolate icing and black food coloring. Yeah, it isn't rocket science.
In reference to the previous comment, the red dye only tastes bitter to "supertasters". Ask if they like brocolli, because the same "bitter" is in cruciferous veggies.

And never feed a baby black icing. EVER!

T said...

I am loving your blog. This one is especially hilarious!!

Anonymous said...

This is why you smile, say "Okay, I'll pay.", pay with credit and dispute the charge. Just say no to paying for crap.

SHAME ON THE BAKER. There is no black on that cake. Clearly he/she did fulfill the customer's request. If black was not possible that should have been explained although I'm fairly certain I've seen cake with black details.

Black fondant circles! Down with airbrushing.

Anonymous said...

Yeah, but if you can't do black, then say you can't do black. The baker shouldn't have agreed to do a black and white cake if black was a problem.

indigowulf said...

I think this cake is absolutely pretty. Sure, it may not be what they wanted, and the baker should have explained to the customer that black cake decoration had issues. Even if you do get it black, it tends to dye your mouth as well, which Im sure any girl whos willing to **cry** over the shading of her frosting would be upset over. For real, children are spoiled. My son gets hand made cakes, and says THANK YOU.

Amie said...

I have had both a cake with black icing (which in hindsight was a bad call, because it was really attractive to have black mouths after the fact), and made an Elmo cake with red icing. Used the gel coloring instead of regular food coloring and it tasted just fine!

Anonymous said...

I think the Birthday Girl's response is 'nuff said. The fact the cake retailer refused to give a refund is enough justification to KEEP THIS PICTURE ON THE WEBSITE in the event they complain. They have rescinded their right to have it removed. Failure to acknowledge their ghastly misdeed now denies them any right to recoup credibility. Shame on them!

Angela said...

awesome monkees reference!

Maggi said...

as a grocery store cake decorator I had to comment on this. I have customers all the time that ask me to do black on whipped topping and I tell them I can't. Dark colours will fade in 10 minutes. They throw a fit, and say they'll find someone who CAN do it... some of them just tell me to do it anyways. And every time it's the same. Sometimes they just dont care, sometimes they get angry. Customers are idiots.

Dominique said...

Happy Black Plague honey!

Maria S said...

Loving the Monkees reference!

Mudhooks said...

"In reference to the previous comment, the red dye only tastes bitter to "supertasters"."

Trust me... red icing tastes nothing.... nothing... like broccoli. Red icing is horrifyingly bitter.

I can eat broccoli (raw or cooked) until the cows come home. I can't even LOOK at red icing without feeling nauseated.

Talia Davis - PR Director said...

Perfect cake, comrade. If one child gets color, then they all must get color. Better to give the children a taste of the future. Grey, grey, grey

Sarah said...

Looks like the decorator was thinking of black and white movies or something. I also think you should post the name of this place so we can avoid patronizing a place run by such terrible people.

Sarah said...

PS: Black fondant circles shouldn't have been a problem, right? Especially if they were somewhat small and sparse. Really, black food coloring stains like a bitch, but small amounts should be fine. What douchebags.

Micken said...

I'd like to know where the person who said "Customers are idiots." works so that I can be sure to NEVER NEVER EVER frequent their establishment. Wow. This cake isn't as bad as some we've seen, lord knows, but it's pretty poorly done for having been commissioned by a bakery. This is not a home made cake, here. We can expect some misguidance from non-professionals. I wouldn't pay for this crap, either.

Anonymous said...

I'm a teenage girl who has wanted a black and white cake for YEARS. And if the black icing colors my mouth??
AWESOME!!

I'm all about getting what I pay for, and also having fun with brightly colored icing.

whizkidforte said...

Eeyore would definitely love this cake - it matches his personality!

Anonymous said...

To be perfectly honest, I like this cake - I actually think it's really pretty.
HOWEVER, it is clearly not what was paid for, and on that basis alone they should have received a refund.

Felis said...

I agree with Maggi. When you tell people and tell them and tell them that icings like whipped topping don't hold colors. That a cake that is a dark red and dark blue (like the old Spider-Man Spinner cake) will fade to pastels, half the time I was told, do it anyways.