Thursday, May 29, 2008

This Made Me Laugh 'Til I Cried

Thursday, May 29, 2008

So I was putzin' around on google image search, looking at cakes, of course, when I stumbled across this picture:

Which, you know, made me kind of curious.

So I went to the originating site of the photo and read the corresponding blog post. It's written by Scott of Basic Instructions, which you should definitely check out sometime. Anyway, by the time I finished reading his post I was crying with laughter, and I knew I could not post his cake photo without the whole story attached. I e-mailed him and got his permission, and so without further ado, here it is:

"I had a day job as an office manager for the Seattle office of an international firm. We found out that one of our employees was transferring to one of our offices in China. When one of our people would leave, we usually had a little wing-ding with drinks and cake on the departing employee's last Thursday in the office, so on Tuesday it fell to me to fax a cake order into our nearest Costco Bakery.

I should point out that on that day I had a headache so bad that it hurt to move my eyes. Ordering the cake was the last thing I did before I went home sick for the afternoon. As I filled out the order form, I realized that in addition to the personalized message ("Good Luck in China," in this case) we could also get a large decoration for no extra charge. I looked at the options and none of them were appropriate. They were all things like teddy bears, balloons, or race cars. Crap, in other words. I figured if none of them were appropriate, I might as well get something that made no sense whatsoever.

I put a check mark next to the word "Fireman."

The next morning (Wednesday), lying in bed just before getting up, my mind wandered over the previous day and all the things I had accomplished. My eyes snapped open as I thought, "What did I do!? Why did I order a fireman? That makes no sense!!! I'm going to look like an idiot!"

I went to work, intent on calling the Costco as soon as they opened and stopping the cake before it started. I still had a day before I was supposed to pick it up. I figured that should be plenty of time. After some effort, I got hold of the bakery manager, only to be told that the cake had already been made. It was too late. I figured I'd just have to stand up straight and take it like a man.

My wife and I went to Costco to pick up the cake. When I got to the bakery, this is what was waiting for me.

(see above picture)

Making the hose flesh-toned had been a very bad move.

At first all I could do was blink at it and wonder, "Am I the only one who sees a giant wang?" I looked at my wife. She was blinking at the cake. An awkward silence and a few stammered sentences later we established that we both saw the same thing. A fireman holding an immense, dripping wang.

I could not serve this cake to my coworkers.

My first thought was that I would just absorb the cost of a second cake and pretend this never happened. Then I thought, "Wait a minute! This is not an erotic bakery! This is Costco! I should be able to order any stupid cake I want and be confident that it will not be sexually charged."

While at the checkout line I found a Costco employee to complain to, and showed him the cake. He blinked at it. I told him I was uncomfortable serving this cake at a place of business, and he started laughing and looking relieved.

Here’s what I came to realize about the cake. The obscene image was just obvious enough that you can't help but recognize it, but also obviously innocent enough that you don't want to say anything for fear that you're the only one who sees it.

Soon I was surrounded by several Costco employees who were looking at the cake and laughing. They explained that they had a new cake decorator who was a deeply religious woman from a foreign country, as if that explained everything. At one point while we were hammering out a settlement a woman happened by, caught a glimpse of the cake, covered her mouth and gasped. Good stuff."
John Gjertsen said...

I guess the fireman's hat looked too much like a bow, or else the lapel too feminine, for me to see such a thing.

Or maybe I was just thrown off by the whole China thing and what the heck that had to do with not having any pressure in the fire hydrant.

Jen said...

The hat DOES look like a bow - and to be honest, I didn't see it before reading Scott's post, either. That just made it all the more amusing for me, though.

Tora said...

At first I misread it as "Good duck in China".

Anyway, hilarious. I want chocolate cake now :( badly.

I really don't like the word verification. How do they expect me to spell "qscszszu" correctly?!

solak said...

To my eye, it does not help to dispel the unintended image when the words look like "Good Suck in China".

Roberta said...

My sis in law came across yer site, and sent out emails to check out this story...So, I did...I too thought that was a girl with a bow, watering "something".. *L* I would never have guessed that was a fireman.. (and my hubby is a volunteer fireman, he never looked like THAT!)... but it IS a funny story!! LMAO!

budgie said...

Oh my god...this made me laugh so hard I almost made myself ill. Thanks for sharing!

marta said...

I kept waiting for the punchline. Didn't laugh once.

Better luck next time.

Anonymous said...

pure
comedy
gold

Anonymous said...

Oh Marta, you rapscallion!

DCSportsChick said...

That totally just made my night. LMAO!

Missoula Redhead said...

Thank you for that. I needed the laugh.

Seoul Brother said...

You think that the moyel got hazard pay?

I never knew there was a strong anime tentacle porn market in pastries.

Anonymous said...

for those of you who said you didn't see a wang until it was pointed out to you, i don't believe it! i totally saw this one coming (no pun intended)...

Anonymous said...

I thought I was dumb: didn't look like a fireman, "China" didn't fit and the hose didn't look "fleshy". THEN, after reading all of the comments, I nearly tinkled my panties from laughing! The best was the "good suck" and the moyel hazzard pay!!! Reminds me of the complaints the lottery received after advertising a game called "Crown Jewels". Several "religious right" ladies said the lottery was being vulgar by advertising "family" jewels!

Look for it, and you'll find it!

Ian said...

It's going to take me an hour to get over this one.... I'm laughing to the point that the muscles in the back of my head are hurting.

Sarah said...

This is hysterical. The "fireman" actually looks more like children's character Madeline, with a big red bow in her hair, holding the obscene hose.

I've spent the last hr perusing your site and LOL so hard my kids are asking to see what I'm looking at. This blog is addictive. Thanks for the laughs.

Just say Julie said...

I'm not sure how I found your site... smoochiefrog maybe.. but OMG am I glad I did. It took me 151 minutes to read this post as the tears made the words blurry... and that was before I'd even read about costco. Whew... no ab workout for me tonight.

die Frau said...

I am laughing so hard I'm close to having an asthma attack. I also don't need to do my ab workout for the day anymore....

Kat Astrophe said...

This caused me to laugh so hard that I fell down and rolled around on the floor at my workplace. Luckily my boss is on vacation.

Super Drew said...

My boys could not see it. Weirdos. Teen boys not seeing it? I think they are trying to make me think I am perverted and they are pure of mind. I know better. 19 and 15? Sheesh! How naive do they think I am? LOL

Chickengirl said...

LOL I too, had a good laugh. Thanks for sharing!

This is a great blog! Just found it. Keep up the good work!

Cherie said...

Thanks for making my Monday morning - I'm sitting at my desk, crying, and wheezing from trying not to laugh out loud (or my co-workers will think I'm nuts!). Your blog is my new favorite - keep 'em coming!!

Becky said...

Oh my god. I am crying now, too. Wow. That is the funniest thing I've seen in a really long time.

Anonymous said...

I want to know what the going away co-workder said when the cake was presented! lol

Kyra's Mama said...

After seeing this post and sharing it with my husband who also thought it was hilarious, I was going to get a Costco "fireman" cake for him for his birthday this year! Thought I'd share for anyone else who had the same idea, Costco no longer has the "fireman" cake on their order form options. :) *lol*

Anonymous said...

and now for the next level...

what if people copying these cake wrecks intentionally?

Skiriki said...

"I never knew there was a strong anime tentacle porn market in pastries."

A friend of mine asked me to make a tentacle hentai cake for her private (i.e. her dirty-minded friends only -- mind, all of us are past 30 by now, not family) graduation party.

I should now get into designing one, since that event is close at hand. No money will exchange hands (so the cake probably won't end up here), but I will guarantee that it'll be a wreck of all sorts...

Morgan said...

laughing
so
hard
i
am
crying

rhino said...

I laughed so hard i cried!
the story is priceless

UTP said...

hehe...I would rather just eat and be done with it...who cares whats on it...it should taste good thats all...

thats looks like a firewoman by the way hhehe...

Anonymous said...

hahahaha! i work in a church and had to actually leave the building and run for the parking lot before i exploded with laughter in my very quiet office!! shrinking the story just wasn't enough to calm myself down. it honestly, was like laughing in church...

lesley said...

Oh I just figured out why there's no, um, water, coming out of that, er, hose...he's standing on it.

CrankyMuffin said...

there is also the amazing fact that there is grassy/mossy/green stuff growing on the nether parts of the "hose."

hahahaha. srsly having to keep myself from hysterical breakdown at work! priceless.

Liz :) said...

I totally saw "IT" at first glance! weird! I never even seen that option at Costco for a Fireman.. haha.... hilarious.. and I was wondering about the hat thing.. ponytail or hat?

Liz said...

I have to say this is the BEST cake I have ever seen. I have been crying with laughter at it and the story. Bless you for cheering me up :o)

Karen said...

This was soo funny. I especially liked the deeply religious cake decorator touch. And his analysis of heman nature - how people will look at it but not say anything for fear of being the only one who noticed. Love this site, and glad my friend Carol told us about it!!
I'll be back!!
Karen at wheresmydamnanswer.com

Alice said...

I didn't catch the flesh toned hose at all. It actually made perfect sense to me. I just assumed it was some culturally insensitive reference to a Chinese fire drill. Here is the wiki def:
A Chinese fire drill is a pejorative expression usually referring to a prank, or perhaps an expression of high spirits, that was popular in the United States during the 1960s.[1][2] It is performed when a car is stopped at a red traffic light, at which point all of the car's occupants get out, run around the car, and return to their own seats. Chinese fire drills are sometimes executed when one needs to get something from the trunk of a car. Occasionally, if one of the participants is late to get inside the car, the others might drive off without him/her. People have reported this phenomenon as early as the 1940s, so it is possible that the phrase was current at the time, but simply was not recorded.

Thus the expression "Chinese Fire Drill" is the act of a group of individuals accomplishing nothing.

The term is also used as a figure of speech to mean any large, ineffective, and chaotic exercise.

BTW This site just became my new happy. Thank you thank you thank you for making it!

April Hollands said...

I'm *loving* your site! You need a guestbook page for general praise!

Anonymous said...

I laughed until I cried and wheezed... omfg that was funny.

i love costco :)

Gallardo-Van Ornam Family said...

I cannot believe this cake. I think it might be that it is 2:23 in the morning and I have now been awake for almost a whole day, but I really found this funny.

The bow er helmet, the hose er ding ding, and the little drops of water.

Oh my goodness this picture and the story were just to much.

This is what I'm going to bed on. This is a great way to end a day. Thank you so much for posting this picture and story.

megan said...

i seriously have NEVER laughed so hard that tears were literally STREAMING down my face....
until now.

breedemandweep said...

Oh dear God. I am weeping. In the best way.

Anonymous said...

I suppose the fact that the decorator was deeply religious and from a foreign country was meant to suggest that she was so sheltered and/or pure of heart that she simply never could have realized that there could be an off-color interpretation of this picture. (Maybe she'd never even seen male body parts?)

Either that or it's a very strange and rare religion that involves worship of slightly androgynous firemen with big... no, never mind. That is far too silly.

Anonymous said...

I saw it looked like a "wang". I also saw that the fire fighter looked like a woman. That I think made the whole thing even worse, lol.

Anonymous said...

I like the idea of it referring to a Chinese fire drill.
And...did he end up bringing the cake to work? I want to know what the coworkers thought!

Anonymous said...

i've looked at tons of cakes on the website. I have never laughted so hard. This is by far the "BEST" worst cake!!

Anonymous said...

Saw the fireman right away... was pretty sure the hose-looks-like-a-wang was coming... was a bit baffled by the inscription... read his story, good for a smile and all but somehow it just didn't seem to make me fall down laughing...

Until I came across the comment that said the wording appeared to say "good suck in China".

It took half an hour for me to get my breath back and my face dried!!! I guess there's something for everyone in this cake, even a sour old cynic like me. Thank you for this great blog!

Jaime and Maya said...

This has to be the funniest thing I've read. I'm in tears and I still can't stop laughing. Oh thank you!

jolene said...

I have to post this to my decorating group as an instructor....I find your blog a hoot......I tell my class anything can happen and on your site it does........

jolene

Tranquility said...

I was so busy looking at the strange puddle of water that I just didn't clue into the hose thing (thank goodness). Too Funny!!!

heartafire said...

I am sorry to tell you, but I first saw this almost a week ago, and still have not stopped laughing. Every time I think of the guy's comments, his wife's reaction, the Costco employees standing around laughing, I start to go off, until I cry......

nancy said...

♥♥♥ this story! Thanks for the laugh!

Anonymous said...

So so glad I had not put mascara on yet before reading this! The cake is funny but the story is hilarious!!
I LOVE THIS BLOG!!!!

odoc69 said...

I started to laugh the moment I looked at this cake. Reminds me of a t-shirt I bought a friend in Paris. The fireman looks like a firewomen. I have never seen a fire hose that color and I should know as I am a fire fighter. We don't call them fireman any more since there is so many of us women in the field. Everytime I think about the cake I start laughing again. Love the site.

Reagan said...

So did anyone else see the words "Good suck in China"? I then read the line about the hose looking like...yeah and it all comes together so nicely...

Emo.xx.Drama.xx.Queen said...

...Fail. Funny fail, but a fail. Haha. It's amusing... but a bit creepy. XD

-Lauryn.

Anonymous said...

This has made me laugh so much other people in my office are looking at me like i'm nuts :-) I also read it as 'Good Suck in China'. I love this blog! Lucie

Mojo said...

Um. Was I the only one whose first thought was "Who's China?"

Okay... maybe I was...

Anonymous said...

This made me laugh so hard that even the cat was looking at me weird. And then pity the poor kid who came to the door to deliver Boy Scout popcorn. He thought I was crying or crazy! I love this kind of weird humor!

Tim-boy said...

I'm lol, literally! Right here in the lab on campus! LOL!!!

L. Shepherd said...

OMG, I literally laughed until I cried. I've had that same moment of, "holy crap, what did I do?" so many times. The "fireman" really does look like a woman.

Rebekah said...

It's official, you've brightened my Monday. The cake, the story, and the comments made me laugh so hard I cried and now my head and abs hurt. OMG. *dries tears*

Aime said...

HAHAHAHAAAA!!! i just read this, and i have TEARS streaming down my face. i cant stop!! that IS SO FUNNY!!!!!! oh... thank you for sharing this. HAHAHAHAHAAAA

three said...

omfg - "who's china?" - BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

my stomach hurts, my nose is running, and my boyfriend is confirmed in his opinion that i am the most unstable nut on the branch.

Ashley said...

Giant. Dripping. Wang!
I don't think you could make this stuff up any better!!!

Anonymous said...

I was looking up costco cakes to get pricing when I found this site. Yes it looks like a dripping wang and I did see a fireman. Looking at it again I can see the little girl with the flower hat holding a big WANG which is even worse.

Anonymous said...

I think the part that made me laugh the most is that I can totally see how a headache can impair your judgement to the point that you make the first mistake of ordering a random fireman for a cake. I can see this happening to me in one of my headache fogs only to wake the next day and wonder what the f I was thinking. So funny...great cake and an even better story!

Anonymous said...

It's even worse that I thought it sad "Good SUCK in China" until I re-read it.

Susan said...

Oh my gosh....I don't know if I've ever really laughed until I cried, and maybe it's the fact that it's 2AM, or the fact that my allergies are going a little crazy, but this had me going. The cake itself is only moderately funny, but with the story, it's absolutely hysterical!

Don said...

I'm with Marta. Didn't laugh once. It was a well told story, but things-that-look-like-wangs pictures are about as common as guys-getting-hit-in-the-nuts-while-teaching-their-children-to-play-baseball videos. Meh.

I only felt the need to comment because so many people are laughing til they cry. You need to get out more!

Here, try this:
http://icanhascheezburger.com/

Mags said...

Count me in the "laugh til I cried" bunch. In fact, I don't know that I've read a funnier story online..lol! I spent my entire morning on your blog. Total hilarity from start to finish.

Due Consideration said...

Marta's right - not even close! Personally I prefer wit to humor.

Anonymous said...

My mother and I were looking at this, thinking: if the color of the hose is the problem, what color WOULD work?

Black?

green?

red?

blue?

Now we're both crying and running to the toilet before we have to mop the floor! ...and she thinks her post-NASAL drip is bad!

Kym said...

I am still crying and laughing at the same time.

Buttercup Bento said...

Now this is what the internet was made for.

Seriously made me laugh.

Anonymous said...

I have tears in my eyes from laughing sooo hard... This was the best one of all
Cheers and GOOD LUCK IN CHINA... Hawwwwwwwwwwwwwww

Sara Cross said...

WE HAD THE SAME CAKE!!!! No lie!! When my husband turn 25 (a couple of years ago) I bought him a cake from a Seattle area Costco with a fireman on it and the writing "happy 25th birthday adam". The next day I picked it up...well...we saw the same thing. A dripping, you know what. I totally wish I had a picture, but the 'fireman' might have been going through a sex change. There was a set of you know whats also. HA! Thanks cakewrecks!

Sam said...

Am I the only one who first thought the cake said "Good suck in China"?

Carla said...

OMG... ROFLMAO... It hurts... oh,,, it hurts... Laughing so hard, I think I might need my inhaler... typing by feel, cuz, i can't see anything through the tears... LOLOLOLOL

just found your blog, today. A friend who knows I am doing my own wedding cakes sent the link, as a stress reliever. It's working! and am thoroughly enjoying going through your archives... but this one... omg

~laffs some more~
Sass

Sandra said...

The thing that's so funny about this story is that it's absurd to the point of approaching surreal. I had to read bits of this out loud and couldn't breath through bits of it.

Yeah, I saw it right away.

(As an aside: you know, it's fine if you don't think it's funny, but there is no need to insult those of us who do.)

Ericka said...

"Fireperson" looks most like Lil' Lulu to me, but yeah, the flared edges at the nozzle totally take away any notion that it's anything but a giant wang. Does he have pics of people's faces at the office party?!

Mickey said...

*choking on wine*

hilarious!

Diandra said...

Just loved that story. At first I thought my imagination is simply too dirty to see anything else, but it's really good not to be the only one. By the way, what happened afterwards? No sexual harassment party at the office?

Lalis said...

Oh my gosh!!! I was dying reading this post... Especially 'cause my reaction before I read the whole thing was this: "Wow... I'm seriously dirty-minded! I need to take my mind out of the gutter... Anyway, let's see what Jen has to say about a fire...woman? and China." Hysterical.

redtailboalover2002 said...

I don't think I've laughed that much in a YEAR! Does it make me a pervert if a dripping wang is the first thing I saw too? lol

Anonymous said...

I keep coming back to this one everytime I have a rough morning on the job.... still crying after all this time!! : )

Thanks... This blog rocks!!

Angela

Aja said...

OK... it seems to me that it says "geed duck in china"

WTF?!?!?!?!?!?!?

Aliza said...

Oh my. It's the grin on the fireman's face that makes the story so funny...

And I agree, there are tons of collections of inadvertent phallic depictions on the web, most of them more bite-my-tongue-I-daren't-say-anything than this, but I have known people who were that innocent...

Steve said...

Where's page 2 of this story and when does it start to get funny? Why is the girl with the red bow in her hair going to China? Good luck though!

Anonymous said...

Glad to see I wasn't the only one who thought the hat looked like a bow. In fact, I didn't realize it was a hat until I read the comments.

Besides the Caucasian flesh tone, there's also a VERY definitely "head" at the end of that hose. LOL. Niiiiiice.

Gary said...

At first I wondered why so little water was coming out of the hose, but then I noticed that the firefighter is standing on the hose, and kinking it with his/her right hand.
So the most innocent possible take on the picture is that it's a highly incompetent firefighter.

But I only thought of that after considering that it's an extremely well-endowed firefighter with an incontinence problem.

Victor G.-H. said...

I've been reading Cakewrecks on and off for probably six or seven months now, and this is the first one that I HAD to comment on. Absolutely, positively priceless. That hose is absolutely just the wrong color (how naive WAS that decorator?), not to mention that the "nozzle" doesn't actually look like a nozzle. The water makes it a billion times worse.

That said, I'm currently making my girlfriend ask repeatedly if I'm alright. Primarily because everyone else in the house is asleep and she's afraid I'll wake them up with my (barely-suppressed) laughter.

Moral of the story: Have some kind of plan in mind when ordering cakes from big chain stores. They're liable to have someone there that doesn't really know what they're doing. XD

WV: Pormalim - It's better than Viagra! (consult your doctor... etc.)

Cynthia said...

I don't know how you cannot see a giant wang in the picture?!?! LOL! I guess, my mind's just in the gutter! LMAO! This is just too funny.....

Anonymous said...

hilarious! I'm at my school computer lab trying not to make a scene from trying not to crack up so much!

Anonymous said...

Amusing? Yes. Hilarious? Sorry, but no...

Xydexx said...

This is wonderful, partly because of the enormous leaky wang and partly for aiming said wang at the fire hydrant (which is in danger of bursting into flames at any moment).

But the best part is the sheer randomness of the story and cakes that make no sense... almost makes me want to order a cake using William S. Burrough's cut-up method or MegaHAL for the text, and rolling dice for selecting the image. So I'd end up with a purple cake with a penguin that says THE RAIN WASHES MEMORIES FROM THE GLANDS OF COWS.

Iris said...

You are going to love my blog. After reading your blog, which was quite funny, it brought to my attentin a blog I wrote months ago. Please go to www.pushthewheel.com. In my archives is THE FUNNIEST THING THAT HAPPENED TO ME IN COSTCO. It was very embarrassing.

I know you will appreciate the story. It was very true. Please let me know what you thought

Anonymous said...

Stefani
This made me laugh because I have been a cake decorator at Costco for 13 years and I remember doing this lame design. We always made the hose dark because of this unfortunate situation going on in this design. Believe me we were all grateful when they discontinued this hose holding firman!!!!!

Paigey said...

did anybody else make the connection of what china sounds like, and what the fire-hose looks like?

AmityL said...

Jen! Jen! Jen! Seventh picture from the top in this article!!!!! http://ht.ly/2ZNOp

ED said...

Haha very nice cake. Made me crave some chocolate.

Vanessa said...

I also enjoy the subtle reference to the inappropriate film, "1 Night in China". That just makes it that much better.

Anonymous said...

The best part? If there is in fact a similar cake at CostCo, I can add babies to it (which I already have because I find them hilarious to place on random cakes) and make this cake myself...so funny!