Wreck-Slingers

Continuing in our superhero series, let's take a gander at the many and varied ways the arachnid-loving aerialist Spider-Man is maligned in icing:

Ok, so he's looking pretty good on the free mini-poster they included (the better to explain the cake, perhaps?), but what's going on with the figurines?

[tsking] "Spidey, have you been battling the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man again? You have, haven't you? [shaking head] I don't care if MJ IS stuck in that gargoyle: you have to learn to stick to your OWN movie plot lines!"


If we have to ask Batman why he's so serious, we need to ask Spidey why he's so worried. Could it be he's puzzling over what a happy "Birth 2ay" is?

Here he looks less worried and more...er...skinned and stretched:

I bet this is the "cake" Doc Ock would like for his birthday: after all, it's a CCC, so it's already inherently evil. [wicked grin]

And speaking of stretched skin, thank goodness this next one is "for display only":

Tell me the top of that cake doesn't look like an infectious skin disease. Go on.


Sheesh, Spider-Man is popular! Stay tuned for Wreck-Slingers, Part 2.

Score!

It's nice to see the bakers here in the U.S. aren't picking sides when it comes to Super Bowl cakes. Nope, they wreck 'em all equally.

Well, one out of three ain't ba....no, actually, that IS bad.
Never mind.

Ok, I have to admit it: when Anne-Marie mentioned the "terrible towels" in today's earlier post, I had no idea what she was talking about. Fortunately, a reader has informed me that these are yellow towels Steelers fans like to wave about during game days. (I suppose it's too much to hope that this is a tradition somehow inspired by Douglas Adams?) Heh, you sports fans make my wearing a Bajoran earring to a Star Trek Convention seem almost normal.

ANYway, so knowing about the towel thing helps a little when viewing this cake:

But you still have to wonder: did the baker feel even the slightest pang of irony?

Oh, and remember a few ages back when I made a crack about how next bakeries will be decorating our loaves of bread?

Behold!!

[shaking head] Well, at least they used dough instead of frosting. That's something, right?

Now, I can only assume this next one was made by a baker who knows even less about football than I do:

That, or s/he is venting some pre-game frustration.


Many thanks to Krista W., Catie P., Diana W., Jennifer H., and Corrie R., some hoopy froods who really know where their towels are*.


*If that last statement baffled/consternated/frightened you, go here.

Are You Ready for Some Football?!

Hey Superbowl fans, Anne-Marie here! Did you know the Big Game is right around the corner? Yup, time to get those Terrible Towels and foam fingers out of the basement, whip up a yummy batch of deep-fried cheesy sausage poofs, and plunk down on the couch for five hours of testosterone-fueled annihilation!!

With all this testosterone-fueled frenzy, though, I think the nation's wreckerators may be, well, just too frenzied for quality control:

A little swirled poo, anyone?

"Or, hey, we don't have to use all those cupcakes! How about just four, and then put a big plastic football on top?"

"Yeah, that's the ticket!"

"Oh, or there's always recycling! Don't we have some leftover baseball cakes from last year's World Series? Let's use 'em! I'm sure no one will ever notice."

And if you're really stuck for ideas, there's always last year's cake decal. You might need to modify it a little, though:

"Perfect!"

Thanks to Stephanie R., Jennifer W., Jennifer T. and David C.!

Hey Everybody, Do You Know What Time It Is?

If you guessed "time to learn the difference between an old-style telephone and a clock", then you are absolutely correct!

I would have also accepted "Time to ban CCCs" or "Time to train a wreckerator". Any other suggestions?

Michelle H., call me!

Big Day, Big Wrecks

By popular demand, here are a few more Inspiration vs Perspiration Wedding Wrecks. And shame on you all for finding them so funny.

What was ordered:

What was received:
(Fortunately Christine C. reports the the bride and family had a great sense of humor about this Wreck, and even dubbed it the "bamPOO" cake. Heheh.)

Ordered:
And received:

Uh, since the cake itself leaves me speechless, I'm going to comment on the background. Hey Jessica M., is that Chewbacca through the window? I mean, given the Han Solo & Leia topper, I was wondering if Chewie was the ring-bearer or something.

And lastly, ordered:
Aaaand received:

You have to wonder if that swipe was a result of the bride fainting at the sight of it, don't you? Still, I guess she should count her blessings: imagine if the wreckerator had been asked to write something on it!

A Real Stretch

A "professionally made" giraffe cake:


I kid you not.

Kelly B. paid a whopping $4 for this, folks, JUST so she could share it with all of you. Now that's loyalty.

I find it fascinating that someone can know how to spell "giraffe" without having any idea what one looks like, don't you?

Goy Gaffes

(Ok, so the assumption that these were NOT made by Jews is a leap, I know, but can't a girl hope?)

"A Star is (Not) Born"

Yes, technically a Star of David is two triangles intersecting, Bugsy - but not like this. And I think you can lay off the "poiple" icing now, too.

"The Teal Tornado"

As you can see, this traditionally-colored flaming whirlwind knocked the wording about and blew the second 'k' clean off. Of course, if for the sake of argument we called this a "menorah", then it's also missing a candle. The fact that the "candles" look like Christmas trees is just the icing on the, er, cookie. Mazel Tov!

And last but not least,

"The Religiously Confused"

How much you wanna bet this bakery has a bin of "Christmas Stars" in the back?


Thanks to Ebony W., Shanna M. and Frank R.!

Artistic License

I've been getting requests for more "missed marks" Wrecks. Your wish = my command. Well, when it's something I was going to do anyway, that is.

Here's what Jennifer S. wanted for her sister-in-law's baby shower:


So you know this is going to be good, right? [snicker] Here's how I imagine the conversation in the bakery went:

"So Lee, you gonna need a tracing for that cake design?"
[scoffing] "Puh-lease! Me? Don't you remember how I took that art class in night school last fall? I'm golden! Pass me the airbrush, will ya?"
"Wow, are you sure? It looks pretty complicated..."
"Only to the untrained eye, my friend. Now stand back and let the master work."

15 minutes later:
[staring]"Gosh, Lee, I don't know..."
"Yeah, it's a little bare in the corners, huh? I better add some roses. Let's see, what color goes best with purple, orange, and yellow?"
"Maybe a light pur..."
[interrupting] "OH! I know: teal!"


(Note: The crazy names and question marks were actually requested, since the baby's name was still undisclosed. I'm guessing the damaged area was a result of Jennifer doing a face-plant after fainting in disgust at the sight of it. Am I right, Jen?)

Wedding Wrecks

Pay very close attention to these cake pairs, now; I wouldn't want you to get the Wreck mixed up with the Inspiration Cake. [eye roll]

First up:

Elodie M. asked her baker to do this, only with far fewer rose petals. The baker obliged by providing this:

Ah, nothing symbolizes the beginning of a new life with the one you love quite like shriveled old rose petals. On the plus side, at least they distract the eye away from the poor cake construction. The weird grass sprigs sprouting haphazardly from the side and top help in that arena, too.


Next, Claire G. discovered the hard way how important "pipemanship" (as opposed to penmanship) is.

What she wanted:

(I believe this is from Martha Stewart.)

What she got:

Such delicacy, such grace...

By the by, I don't monogram much, but I think the middle initial is supposed to be larger than the other two. I also think that if "msk" were a word, it would accurately describe the leveling job done on the leaning wonder here.

And lastly, Hannah W. asked for this, only with square tiers instead of round:


She even brought in the brown ribbon and fresh blue hydrangeas for the bakery to use. Pretty simple, right? Just make some white square tiers. But you know how some bakeries are, always complicating things...

Let's see. Misshapen layers, lumpy icing, no ribbon, electric teal icing "flowers"... What seems to be the problem, Hannah?

And Now, a Word From Your Thanksgiving Turkey Cakes

Well, it's officially Turkey Day. A day of food and fun for us, sure, but you know who gets the short end of the stick? Ok, well, mostly the turkeys - but turkey cakes, now, they're also bidding us a fond farewell today. Their time in the sun, as it were, is over. Here to comment are some Turkey Cakes. Guys, your thoughts?


"Turkey cakes? Turkey cakes?!? Dude, I'm the frickin' NBC mascot; don't you recognize a peacock when you see one?"


"Uh, I'm pretty sure I'm just an anthropomorphized version of the Statue of Liberty's crown, not a turkey. Sorry."


"Don't look at me! I'm just a cuter version of this guy:"



"Hey ho! Over here!"

"I'm a turkey cookie, does that count? Anyway, I'd just like to know why I have all these cranberries stuffed in my mouth. See y'all next year! Turkeys rule!! Woo-hoo!"


"Well I for one have a bone to pick with my decorator. Jen, would you kindly post some pictures of a turkey and a chicken here?

"Thank you. Ok, now, decorators: look at the heads of those birds. Which of them do I look like to you? Yeah, that's right: a CHICKEN. Is this any way to treat a self-respecting turkey cake? Is it?!?"



"Oh, quit your griping. At least you're not crammed into last year's Valentine cake tin."


"Yeah, or torn limb from limb. Are those my wings behind me? 'Cuz I think they're on fire."



"Well, bye everyone! [sniffle] See you next year!"


Stephani N., Lee G., Blaze B., Jessica H., Colette S., Stacey M., Katje S., & Adrian K., "gobble gobble". (That's turkey for "So long, and thanks for all the Wrecks".)

Creations That Might Possibly Be Representations of Turkeys

But the jury's still out.

You know, Amanda S., I always wondered what Davy Jones would look like as a turkey. I'd say this has got to be spot on.


Kara S., please tell me this is a baby shower cake. (Orange pacifier? Woolly bonnet? It could work.)


Ashley J. has obviously found the "angry tree demigod" species of turkey. Forget Smokey the Bear: now HERE is a mascot that will make you put those campfires out.


And Melissa G. found a...a...hm. Right, you got me. What the heck is this?


Ah, the traditional "Snake in a Flamenco Dress" turkey - of course. But where are the castanets, Erin L.?

And lastly:

Sure, ok, he looks like a turtle whose shell is on fire - no problem. The thing I can't get past are those weird Aztec-looking symbols written on the left "pumpkin's" head. After a few moments squinting at them, I suddenly realized they are supposed to be words. Check it out; it's like one of those magic eye puzzles.

And don't look now, Lynz B., but I think those Twizzlers are supposed to be feet. Won't you join me in weeping for the future of cake art?