Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Vehicular Cakeslaughter

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Every now and then - and I'm not saying this happens often - professional bakers have a little trouble making cakes that look like...well, anything. (See examples here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, and here .)

Perhaps hardest of all is the vehicle cake. There's just something about all those shapes and circles and squares that drives even the most hardened Shop-a-Lot Davinci to edible clip art with the watermarks still on:

Now, if only we had a picture of chocolate drizzle and sprinkles...


So let's say you want KITT from Knight Rider on your cake:

Binka binka binka binka dinka binka dinka binka...

[That was me singing the theme song. Obviously.]

Rather than attempt the entire car, your baker might try to home in on KITT's most distinguishing feature:

The ketchup-and-mustard smear under his seat.


Or how about this tractor?

At first glance, you might think this could be broken down into a simple drawing of two boxes on two wheels.

BUT YOU WOULD BE WRONG.

It's an extremely complicated design, and rendering it in icing is so unbelievably difficult that the finished product would be far beyond the bounds of mere mortal comprehension.

Yeah. Like that.


And finally, let's say your child wants a school bus cake:

(Oh, you know this is going to be good.)


You might end up with this:

It's not short. It's "fun sized!"


Thanks to Andie K., Brooke & Mike K., Lea B., & Pete H. for keeping us on track today.
Anonymous said...

"It's not short, it's fun sized." I love it. I wonder how many men will use that line in the coming days.....

The Pink Drink Ladies said...

OMG, I could have done a better job on any of these cakes. The tractor looks like an automatic weapon.

Jackie

Rachel said...

All I have to say is gosh I love you guys, yall always make my mornings happy when I read your posts. :)

Anonymous said...

That green thing? It's a jet plane, with a kinda John Deere logo.
Love your post, as usual.
that cute car? I'd buy it.
Mocking

bassgirl said...

The yellow deer looks more like a tractor than the green tractor does.

Sharyn said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Barbara said...

The Michael cake had me thinking. At first I thought it could be a tongue but I wasn't sure what that yellow spot one and then it hit me. Hey maybe that's a surfboard with the sun on it. Too early for coherent thoughts.

Maybe that's what happens to the tractor after it hits a deer with boneless legs. At least they got the colors right.

I kind of like the fun sized bus. I took a fun sized bus in junior high. It does sound better than taking the short bus.

Anonymous said...

Bwahaha, these are great. And the "It's not short, it's fun sized." is BRILLIANT! That poor tractor...

John, you have half of your wish for chocolate drizzle and sprinkles picture - see the August 24, 2010 CW post ;) .

Great post, as always.

WV - knowai - I should knowai all these cakes are, but I just can't figure them out...

TisforTonya said...

I love that the wreckerator had to write John Deere on there... just to prove it was an actual tractor cake. Next time, use the Kit wreckerator's tactic and just make a wheel.

bassgirl said...

"I kind of like the fun sized bus. I took a fun sized bus in junior high. It does sound better than taking the short bus."

--Yeah, Barbara, I thought about that stigma, too, when I saw the stubby bus cake. Kids can be cruel.

wv: nisedin Even if these cakes don't look like much, at least they should be "nisedin", unlike yesterday's dragon cake.

Anna B said...

In the name of all things geek, I feel obligated to correct just a small portion of the blog today...it's KITT, not Kit. And the cake rendition, I'm not even sure what that was, but it was neither KITT nor KARR.

Ashley said...

The knight rider looks like a bacon strip with a drop of butter on it! That is bad.

Caroline B said...

That tractor was obviously parked down my street & someone stole the tyres...

john (the hubby of Jen) said...

Anna B.,

Bwoops. All fixed.

Thanks for the heads up!

john

Anonymous said...

Needed the laugh-thanks

Gary said...

My 4-year-old nephew is better than these wreckorators at are drawing vehicles.
Obviously, bakeries need to hire 4-year-olds to handle their car, truck, bus, and tractor orders.

Jenniffer said...

I love how on the firetruck cake you can still see the watermark on the picture. No need to buy that image, you can barely make out the watermark.

And I think that the John Deere cake might actually be a... wait for it... cupcake cake (CCC) Patooie!

Vik said...

One of the problems that created the Tractor Mess is that it's a CCC. *patewee!*

mel said...

Say what you will, but these decorators were driven…

Gotta love the deer on the tractor -- legs going in both directions...gives new meaning to "Nothing Runs Like A Deere"....

Another fun day; thanks!

@ anon. 9:35: LOL

wv – abloc: when it came to creating vehicles, these folks all had abloc….

May said...

Does that green icing on the "tractor" CCC remind anyone else of Play-Doh? Something about the color and texture immediately brought that distinct (and not appetizing) smell to mind.

Anonymous said...

Ok, the tractor looks far more like a gun and the "fun sized" school bus (so sad but funny). I don't really bake cakes I could better than some of those.

Ren said...

Is it just me, or does the tractor cake look like the state of Texas?

WV: preesen. Whoever made these cakes should be sent to preesen.

Loo-E Loo-I said...

Thanks for all those "here"'s! I love looking at old wrecks! After looking at those, these new wrecks don't surprise me one bit.

Hey, did you guys happen to see the cake on Hell's Kitchen last night? The red team was supposed to make a cake with a Hawaiian theme...FAIL! Of course I thought of Cake Wrecks!

Anonymous said...

To be fair to the poor cupcake arranger, the tractor looks to me like a combine harvester (with a lot of imagination!).

WV: wanin There's no room in the school bus, but I wanin!

John (Hubby of Ania, not Jen)

MichelleP said...

All of them: sad but no longer surprising.

Loo-E: the HK cake was hysterical! I too immediately thought of Cake Wrecks.

hjaxon1701 said...

I didn't realize that school budgets were so bad that they were making the students who ride the fun-sized buses to school ride bright yellow dolly carts. That school district really has their priorities mixed up. Yikes!

Craig said...

My theory is that when one begins to assemble a CCC (or decorate a giant cookie or bake a cake in a heart pan anytime other than Feb. 14), it acts as a channel for intergalactic waves of badness that overcome any quiescent artistic ability and render the unfortunate person standing over it unable to produce anything recognizable.

"Fun sized bus." Fair takes me back to junior high and high school, that does. Recalling the jokes, I mean.

Most people in my class took a vow (etched in titanium, because that was the gold standard of seriousness then) to never ride a 'fun-sized' bus if it meant walking to Hawaii. Ok, there was an irony epidemic during those years, but you get the idea.

Anonymous said...

I say, that school bus cake is a MUCH better tractor than the green one! The word verification is a good one this time: Denasc: Don't ask. "Denasc what that green cake is supposed to be."

Stephanie said...

I had a feeling the John Deere one was going to be bad, but I wasn't expecting it to be quite that distorted. O_o

MarieA said...

While I enjoyed today's wrecks, I "really" had fun with the her, here, here, here, here, here, and here, oh and here....

Jen, you nver fail to crack. me. up!

lori said...

Hey! Knight Rider! I want to see some more Knight rider cake wrecks..or even a Sunday Sweets of Knight Rider! Why you say.. My mentaly deranged 13 yr old daughter is obsessed w Knight rider.... That being said I so enjoy postings! It just makes my day! Lori

icklepay said...

Punch buggy yellow - no punch backs!

leofemale1973 said...

Not Short, Fun sized is what my husband says about me. LOL

Anonymous said...

You know how on that Charlie the Unicorn video on YouTube those two unicorns' legs at one point go all "bendy"? That's what the attempt at the John Deer logo on that tractor reminded me of. :P

-Ashleigh

Anneke (Mudhooks) said...

You should make this more of a guessing game for us by posting the cake and THEN the image it was SUPPOSED to look like. Maybe even post the cakes in one post and the "correct" images in the next.

I doubt ANY of us would have gotten the Nightrider cake.

Slythiechick said...

nice quoting Vic Mignogna on the fun size line!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xOFllOxN0cU&feature=view_all&list=PLFA6B4DB96F48696D&index=18

Zoe said...

I think the deer on the tractor cake looks more like a frog (with a few misplaced limbs due perhaps to heavy pesticide ingestion) that's been run over by a tractor...

Isolder74 said...

Those cakes make me feel the need to infuse the comments with links to my vehicle cakes.

Imperial Star Destroyer.
http://i12.photobucket.com/albums/a212/Isolder74/StarDestroyer3quarterview.jpg

Millennium Falcon.
http://i12.photobucket.com/albums/a212/Isolder74/FalconCake.jpg

'57 Chevy
http://i12.photobucket.com/albums/a212/Isolder74/LeftFront.jpg

Fire Truck
http://i12.photobucket.com/albums/a212/Isolder74/_WED0496.jpg

Awesome Fire Truck.
http://i12.photobucket.com/albums/a212/Isolder74/FireTruckT1.jpg

Corvette Stingray and Mr. Bean Mini.
http://i12.photobucket.com/albums/a212/Isolder74/BothTogather2.jpg

Now that I've infused the place with good vehicle cakes. I have only one thought when I saw the 'Knight Rider' cake.....


Yes, Imperious Leader......

The Reluctant Diva said...

Does anyone else find it funny that the Knight Rider cake is for Michael?

"Michael, this cake is not an accurate representation of my laser sensor. I believe it more closely resembles a belt with a huge buckle."

The deer on the "tractor" cake appears to have been hit by said tractor. Actually, the cake appears to have been hit by a tractor as well.

Anonymous said...

I'm getting missing pix again, with both IE8 & Chrome: 2nd and 3rd images are not showing....

Sheila said...

I was thinking back to the stone age (my childhood) when no self-respecting kid would ever want a school bus cake. It would have been a mean joke: we'd be thinking "Great, a cake!" But that would be mixed in with the nausea from the reminder that school was starting back soon.

lippian said...

Does anyone else think the school bus is kind of adorable?

Anonymous said...

I read the whole thing like the Genie in Aladin after the "here, here, here, here" bit. :D Robin Williams in your head makes everything funner.

-Barbara Anne

Anonymous said...

@ Craig
at first I thought your funniest line was: "quiescent artistic ability" bwahahahahahahaha

then I got to the irony laden; "Ok, there was an irony epidemic during those years" Yeah, cause you're never ironic these days. ;)

For the Michael cake I'm in agreement with Ashley- bacon & a drop of butter.

-Barbara Anne

Aliza said...

Hey, I'm a city kid and even *I* know what a tractor's supposed to look like!

There's a special form of torture for those who wreck KITT. (I loved the original Knight Rider... because of the car, and its sense of humour).

As for fun-sized: they're using smart fortwos now for school buses?!

Anonymous said...

Cars and trucks are hard to draw, aren't they.

Anonymous said...

The "deer" on the tractor immediately made me think of the failed genetic experiments in Alien: Resurrection.

Fluffy Cow said...

Thank you, first commenter...

*laughing and crying*

Maura said...

At first glance I thought the wheels on the fun-sized bus were Oreos. Then I realized they were just blobs of black icing (ick). If I ever make a vehicle cake (as a mother of 3 girls, that is highly unlikely) I am going to use Oreos for the wheels. Tasty, and perfectly round.

tiny p elephant said...

I would have never guessed the kit car. The tractor is abstract art and the school bus is too funny!!

Craig said...

Nice infusion, @isolder74.

So much for the indirect statement a few days back -- posted anonymously, of course -- that 'critics' can't do better.

@Ashley, bacon with butter on it just proves that combining things that cannot be improved upon is like crossing the streams: just...don't.

Arlene said...

Oooh I would be so angry at that Knight Rider cake. I would not pay for a giant yellow orb pretending to be KITT lol. They should have just admitted they didn't know how to do a car justice or something sheesh. And love that cute tiny little school bus that only fits one person lol.

jeliecam said...

The bus is for Clown School.
It's much bigger on the inside.

wv: sphift - that tractor didn't look very sphift, but then nothing runs like a deere

Anonymous said...

Maybe they should go back to cooking school or something.

Kirk said...

love your posts. nice cake pictures!

Isolder74 said...

@ Craig

What makes it worse is I make mine as a hobby. These are expected for people to actually PAY for!

Anonymous said...

"Michael, this cake is not an accurate representation of my laser sensor. I believe it more closely resembles a belt with a huge buckle."


Bwahahahaha!!!

snuzzle said...

Love the last one! "It's a school bus, duh! See? It even says so RIGHT ON THE BUS."

When in doubt, label it out!

Sarah said...

Just for kicks and giggles, I went and read every link at the top of the page in "here, here, here...and here" and I'm so disappointed! The second half of them are just repeats. :( Well, that's what I get for being curious. xD

Clarissa said...

I'm sorry, but after that tractor, the school bus doesn't look half-bad! (half..geddit?;))