Friday, August 5, 2011

National *yawn* Golf Month

Friday, August 5, 2011

Contrary to popular belief, golf is not a complete waste of time. Many people, for example, use golf as a means to rid themselves of cumbersome money. Other, more talented players, actually use it as a means to rid themselves of cumbersome marriages.



"Just getting the Tiger's eye view, dear!"

Still, whatever your reasons, golf can be an "entertaining," "exciting," and "fun" "sport."

So let's look at some golf cakes, shall we?


Now, the object of golf is to hit a tiny ball...

...off a large pile of crap. This is known as the "drop shot."


Next, assuming that you manage to hit the ball, you may end up on "the green."

So lush.


Now, golf courses come in all shapes and sizes, which allows for a wide range of difficulty, scenery, and funny faces:


"The good news is you've got a nice straight shot.

"The bad news is that ball is to scale."


Which reminds me: would you believe the term "lead foot" originated in golf?


If so, then let me tell you the one about the goofy cake blogger who knew obscure factoids about sports.


Every golfer worth his pom-pom hat/argyle knee-socks/plaid bloomers knows the importance of a great golf bag:

Which is apparently what this is.

In fact, this style of bag is known as the "Schweitzer Bag," named after the famous German golfer, Albert Bag.


And finally, let's go over some essential golf terminology:

Fore = what you yell before you whack someone with a golf ball.

For = how you indicate who gets the ugly golf cake.

"Four" = *headdesk* *headdesk* *headdesk* *headdesk*



Golf claps all 'round to wreckporters Brandi T., Lauren F., Sam, Zakes C., K Eva., Stephanie, and Amelia B.
pipperroo said...

I had to post. If I hadn't known already, I would have known you were a Disneyphile after the golf bag joke. I love it!

That joke is my favorite part ever of the Jungle Boat Cruise. So few people know what the guide is talking about.

The Pink Drink Ladies said...

No matter which event the cake was designed to celebrate most cakes are sending subliminal messages of poop and unmentionable body parts.

Jackie

PerkinsClan said...

I see Princess Leia on Tatooine on the second cake. Anyone else?

Tami B. said...

I'm a new follower (of about a week) and I just wanted to let you know how much I look forward to your posts. It's great to start the day with a little humor. One question...where on earth do you find/get all these cake pictures?

Gary said...

"Tiger's-eye view."
Yes, indeed.



I believe that third cake must commemorate the anniversary of that time one of the Apollo astronauts hit golf balls on the moon.

Anonymous said...

Jungle Cruise!!!

Kristin aka Trekkie Gal said...

That's what I was thinking at first, PerkinsClan. But after enlarging the picture, I'm now going with Luke Skywalker.

Steph said...

The third image is a LOVELY re-creation of the golf course on Tatooine. So, go easy on the poor Tatooine-ians; they had to work with that they've got.

Otherwise - spot on!

Sarah said...

Thanks to Gary for repeating the Tiger joke! I apparently needed to hear it a second time before I could fully appreciate the intended meaning. So as I came in here to post how *hilarious* this entire post was, I now find myself laughing out loud again about poor Mr. Woods. Awesome.

Also, there couldn't have been a funnier way to introduce the post than the "excess money, excess marriage" bit. Cheers!

Annette said...

Yay! Jungle cruise reference!! That just totally made my day - thank you! :)

Anonymous said...

I'm not sure which disturbs me more about the first cake: the fact that it says "Happy Birthday Dad" (did his kids *really* get him a cake with, ahem, this design?) or the placement of the flag (OUCH!!!!)...

Michelle said...

When I went on the jungle cruise, I was the only person on the boat who laughed at that joke. The guide pointed that out...my husband inched away... :)

jo said...

I tried to give the baker the benefit of the doubt. Two mounds covered half by grass and then leading to a sand trap. but pink trim and a bow? now they're just messing with us. And just WHAT are those kids trying to say to their dad with said subliminal message golf cake?

#2--why is #2 so lumpy and shiny? (oh wait, it's number 2.) *shudder*

#3--are we sure this is a golf cake? and not like a Star Wars cake (is that Princess Lei in a desert? *squints* I can't tell) maybe it's a beach party cake and those are sand dunes with tiki torches. or lampposts. or whatever the %$^& those fuzzy things on sticks are (why is only one red?)

#4--LOL funny faces! reminds me of the surrealist cr-stuff i've been showing my kids lately. and that ball is a little FLAT. makes me want to put a brown m&m in the middle and make it a googly eye.

#5--Is that golf ball screaming??

#6--I don't know that golf bag reminds me of but it makes me wonder--is it customary to carry strawberries around on the course with your balls? and that bottom pocket is bulging. Did they even bother to put icing on that chocolate cake? looks like they just slapped on some fondant and real golf balls. and strawberries. can't forget the strawberries.

#7-That giant golf ball looks like the moon to me. And now I'm thinking of Gru trying to steal the moon in Despicable Me. (ooh, it's a cupcake cake, too! weird... at least they made the icing a circle)

and you know SOMEONE is going to say it today--it also looks like "Epcot"!

elissa said...

Did you look closely at the "shaft" of the golf club on #5 (lead foot, screaming golf ball)? If so, I admire your...control at not...er...your "stiff" upper....er...

Nevermind. I express my appreciation with a respectful and subdued [golfclap].

Donna said...

Wouldn't Tiger's Eye view be a bit...lower...on the anatomy? Just asking,not judging.

Anonymous said...

OMG that first cake would have been perfect for Tiger"s divorceparty XD XD

Anonymous said...

Golfers don't wear bloomers, they wear knickers--short for knickerbockers.

Joanna said...

@PerkindsClan:

I, too, could only think of Star Wars scenery. Glad I have company. ;-)


And the "rid themselves of cumbersome marriages" line had be almost in tears with laughing so hard. Thank you, Cake Wrecks!

M. Dale said...

There are golf balls IN that cake...not placed on top like ever-so-popular flotsam that can be easily removed prior to slicing but actually IN the cake...and, for some reason, with strawberries! Gah! What the heck??

(Yes, I know that it's fondant on top, they weren't baked in the batter...but, still--close enough!)

Gary said...

Jo said:
"... is that Princess Lei in a desert?"

No, obviously, it's Princess Leia in a dessert.

Gary said...

WV: riesse. Rielle Hunter's sister?

Fluffy Cow said...

Excuse me, but your gold bag is BLEEDING!

(and I totally agree with Trekkie Gal... the up close view clearly shows Luke)

tamara said...

That first cake cracks me up. Two great things that go... great? together.

Anonymous said...

I sent this one to my husband - the avid golfer

KC

Dharmamama said...

I love how the golf ball in the lead foot cake is all Mr. Bill... "ohhhh, nooooo".

We lived across the street from a large field with cows when I was a kid. My dad was a golfer. Who liked to practice in the front yard... 10¢ per retrieved golf ball, a quarter if they had cow poo on them. I'm not ashamed to admit to dropping a few golf balls in cow patties.

Gina said...

You managed to put a Jungle Cruise joke in a post about poorly executed golf cakes.

*Stands and applauds*

Anonymous said...

I agree with others. I think that third cake is Tatooine, not anything to do with golfing.

Anonymous said...

Yes, I not only saw Tatooine in this post but Epcot, too! ;D

Marie said...

@PerkinsClan - I saw the same thing.

Tom said...

Hurray for carefully embedded Disneyland jokes! Now I'm going to be on the lookout for hidden mickeys...

michelej said...

Look, everyone - it's the backside of Golf Bag!

(wait, I've got more - Aww, see that nice lion? He's guarding the sleeping zebra!)

Craig said...

#1 The left one looks a bit, um, er, deflated.

#2 I was wondering what happened to the 'cookie' that robot made.

#3 A course that is in reality one giant sand trap. Now that's evil.

#4 The wreckerators are getting wise to us -- luring us into their CCCs with humor and stuff. Resist! Resist!

#5 There are signs of skill in the grass and they didn't screw up the message. There might be enough points in those things to overcome the cookie. But only just.

#6 Those appear to be ping pong balls (which are much more food-safe than golf balls). Partially covered in fondant. Mmmm. What's with the flower petals?

#7 Dad has four kids and is an avid...collector of things that vaguely resemble Spaceship Earth. That explains the 'four' reference. But there is a serious problem with this one; c-c-c if you can spot it.

deckardcanine said...

Oh, I mistook that black flag and hole for a music note.

Anonymous said...

A golf dunce would like to know if any of your post is true-

mocking

Kimberly Chapman said...

Let me just slip this comfy pillow in between your thumping head and the desk. There we go. Bang away, just don't give yourself any more dain bramage than already occurs from looking at these cakes.

Teri said...

Lead foot? Looks more like...uh...
nevermind.

Naomi said...

First cake: I was so fixated on the dog vomit masquerading as a teensy sand trap, I didn't even notice the shape of the cake at first. And it's a father's day cake.
"Mom, we've gotten Dad a golf cake every Father's Day for the past thirty years. I'm sure he's bored with it by now. What else does he like, besides golf?"
"Well..."

wv: arialli - Fortunately they stopped short of adding little green arialli to the top of each "hill."

Naomi said...

* Oops, no, it's a birthday cake. That sandtrap is still throwing me off!

Megan said...

Love, love, love the Jungle Cruise reference! Your commentary always cracks me up!

Chinwagger said...

Oooh there are some horrors here! Makes me feel so much better about my cake decorating attempts!

Laura P. said...

Funny cakes!

I actually wanted to comment, though, because those quotes around "Four" reminded me about a story I was going to tell you. A lady at my job is retiring today and my department got a card for her. The gal who gave the card to her on our behalf wrote on the envelope:

"Congratulations"
"Sandie"

I just had to shake my head and smile.

Isolder74 said...

Not one comment about the first cake having Great Tracks of Land! I'm disappointed In everyone here including Jen!

VW: glyhem

Sounds like a Harry Potter house.

Laura said...

#5... seriously?! Why is there always a cake on these posts that looks like a peen!!! WHYYY?!

And that golf ball looks like it has a little tongue... gross, I need to stop now...

mel said...

Hmmm...cake #5...not much of a shaft there...must be one of those "fun size" ones from the other day....

wv-scrocal: jokes about golf balls are often referred to as scrocal humor....

@Sharyn and Barbara Anne: you're too funny

Goosegirl said...

Oh. So. Phallic. You know which one.

Qing Guang said...

The third one is definitely Luke on Tatooine. However, that doesn't redeem it from the fact that it also highly resembles a box of kitty litter.

WV:Ounica. Just because your golf cake design is ounica doesn't make it tasteful.

Anonymous said...

That 5th one does not look like a golf club....lol

msyendor said...

whack-a-ball jokes *sigh*.

From the greens of Pebble Beach to the sands of Tattoine ...

Oh, heck, I'll let someone more creative finish that if they want. Gotta get back to work.

zarchasmpgmr said...

*tips hat for Jungle Cruise shoutout*

*waits for ear-wiggling hippopotamus and hibiscus jokes to appear in a future entry*

WV: trecars - my eyes flowed trecars when reading this post

KingfisherBlue said...

@Elissa

I thought EXACTLY the same thing - I am so glad I'm not the only one with a filthy mind :P :)

Jabby said...

@PerkinsClan

I totally did see that too! Until I zoomed in and realized it was Luke, not Leia

Anonymous said...

If that third cake isn't Tatooine, it must be Arrakis.

I wonder if it's a spice cake.

Anonymous said...

I get in trouble every time I ride the Jungle Boat and ask if the waterfall is named after Dr. Falls. Only one guy thought it was funny. Ah, well.

Anonymous said...

Can't say I ever cared for golf much.

Anonymous said...

I don't get the golf bag joke or why it's funy, sorry?

SGH said...

A Disney reference in a golf post? No wonder I love you!

Suzi said...

For some reason, when I hear "Lead Foot", I always think of the Mr. Heavyfoot character from "The Kids in the Hall":

http://youtu.be/R9d2Y1We-d0

Marie said...

After I saw that 3rd cake I knew I would have to do something I rarely do and that is, comment. Are my eyes going crazy or is there a little princess Leia floating around on that cake???
Poor Leia like she hasn't been through enough now she is in a golf cake wreck!

Jeepchic20 said...

If you look at the fifth cake in the um, wrong, state of mind. Well let's just say (or better yet let's not just say and leave it at that)...

Anna said...

I dunno, the second cake kinda looks like Luke Skywalker crossing the sands of Tatooine. Are we sure it's a golf cake and not a Star Wars cake?

Anonymous said...

#3 reminds me of Princess Leia in the dessert.

Colleen said...

Love your blog! I especially love the Jungle Cruise joke!! Albert Awol would be proud!

~Jungle Skipper Colleen

Anonymous said...

I agree with Rosie O'Donnell: golf is men in ugly pants walking. Of course, I'm chromosome-ally challenged as "golf" allegedly stands for "gentlemen only- ladies forbidden." (Psst: I'm a girl)

-Barbara Anne

Anonymous said...

That last golfball looks like Epcot.

Anonymous said...

Love the obscure Jungle Cruise reference!

Fluffy Cow said...

And by "gold", I mean "golf". You see, the D is right next to the F and well...

Yeah.

jedijson said...

Thanks for making my day with the Jungle Cruise joke!!!! I've laughed every time I heard it. Sooo cheesy, yet so funny!

Arlene said...

What on earth do boobs have to do with golf on that first cake? Lol and one looks like it was deflating sand. Scary. Wow if I hated golf before I now know it is dull without these cakes to liven it up lol.