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To Our Blogroll Followers

Hi everyone,

Some of you may have noticed that you haven't seen any updates from Cake Wrecks in a few days and I wanted to give you a heads up. On Friday night, Cake Wrecks moved to a new host and will no longer be publishing on blogspot. So, if you'd still like to receive updates from us, simply change the settings in your blogroll to read cakewrecks.com or cakewrecks.squarespace.com instead of cakewrecks.blogspot.com. That's it!

Thanks so much for reading and Wreck On!

john (the hubby of Jen)

National *yawn* Golf Month

Contrary to popular belief, golf is not a complete waste of time. Many people, for example, use golf as a means to rid themselves of cumbersome money. Other, more talented players, actually use it as a means to rid themselves of cumbersome marriages.

"Just getting the Tiger's eye view, dear!"

Still, whatever your reasons, golf can be an "entertaining," "exciting," and "fun" "sport."

So let's look at some golf cakes, shall we?

Now, the object of golf is to hit a tiny ball...

...off a large pile of crap. This is known as the "drop shot."

Next, assuming that you manage to hit the ball, you may end up on "the green."

So lush.


Now, golf courses come in all shapes and sizes, which allows for a wide range of difficulty, scenery, and funny faces:


"The good news is you've got a nice straight shot.

"The bad news is that ball is to scale."


Which reminds me: would you believe the term "lead foot" originated in golf?


If so, then let me tell you the one about the goofy cake blogger who knew obscure factoids about sports.

Every golfer worth his pom-pom hat/argyle knee-socks/plaid bloomers knows the importance of a great golf bag:

Which is apparently what this is.

In fact, this style of bag is known as the "Schweitzer Bag," named after the famous German golfer, Albert Bag.

And finally, let's go over some essential golf terminology:

Fore = what you yell before you whack someone with a golf ball.

For = how you indicate who gets the ugly golf cake.

"Four" = *headdesk* *headdesk* *headdesk* *headdesk*

Golf claps all 'round to wreckporters Brandi T., Lauren F., Sam, Zakes C., K Eva., Stephanie, and Amelia B.

Available Exclusively at the Geiger Counter!

When it comes to powerfully good cake, the choice is (nu)clear:

And here's some fuel for thought: this wasn't a special order. It was just out in the display case, on the off chance someone was having a nuclear power plant themed occasion worth celebrating.

HOW WELL THEY KNOW ME.

Thanks to Clare M. for the rad wreckporting.

Vehicular Cakeslaughter

Every now and then - and I'm not saying this happens often - professional bakers have a little trouble making cakes that look like...well, anything. (See examples here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, and here .)

Perhaps hardest of all is the vehicle cake. There's just something about all those shapes and circles and squares that drives even the most hardened Shop-a-Lot Davinci to edible clip art with the watermarks still on:

Now, if only we had a picture of chocolate drizzle and sprinkles...

So let's say you want KITT from Knight Rider on your cake:

Binka binka binka binka dinka binka dinka binka...

[That was me singing the theme song. Obviously.]

Rather than attempt the entire car, your baker might try to home in on KITT's most distinguishing feature:

The ketchup-and-mustard smear under his seat.

Or how about this tractor?

At first glance, you might think this could be broken down into a simple drawing of two boxes on two wheels.

BUT YOU WOULD BE WRONG.

It's an extremely complicated design, and rendering it in icing is so unbelievably difficult that the finished product would be far beyond the bounds of mere mortal comprehension.

Yeah. Like that.

And finally, let's say your child wants a school bus cake:

(Oh, you know this is going to be good.)

You might end up with this:

It's not short. It's "fun sized!"

Thanks to Andie K., Brooke & Mike K., Lea B., & Pete H. for keeping us on track today.

Killer Thrillers (HEEhee!)

[howling wind]

[howling dog]
[howling wind and dog together]
[plus a sprinkling of light rattling chains]

Darkness falls across the land...

Prince Humperdink: SKIP to the end!

Oh. Ok.

[ahem]

The fowl-est stench is in the air...

"Quack."

The FUNK of forty thousand years!

Give or take an eon.


And Grizzly ghouls from EVERY tomb...

Or maybe a Canadian Black Bear, eh?


Are closing in...to seal your DOOM.

Patriotically.


And though you fight to stay alive...


"Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. I'm missin'myarm, and whereismyface?"


Your body starts to SHIVER.

...me timbers!

(Or maybe that's Orlando Bloom. Hm? LADIES?)


For no MERE MORTAL can resist...

Baby Cthulhu!

Or...

... David Caruso riding a unicorn under a double rainbow!


The EVIL...

(Oh. Or that)

...of...

THE GRILLER.

MUAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

AHAHAHAHAHAHA!

HAHA!

AHA...

Wait.

Is that supposed to be steak?

Ew.

Thanks to Melinda M., Sarah C., Natasha, Nell H., John M., Rebecca J., Carrie, Robin L., Wolfie, and P. Humperdink for saving us from having to find a cake for "y'alls neighborhood."

Cheap Cheat Sheets

Ah, where WOULD we be without those helpful hints from our friendly wreckerators?

"WHAT IN HOLY...oh. It says, 'Meow!'

"So it must be something that can imitate a cat."

Sometimes the hints are fairly subtle:

Pssst. You misspelled "Poopy."



While wiser wreckerators go for slightly more direct labeling:

Finally answering the question, "Can I get a what-what?"

Rainbow!


Um...strawberry!

Diploma?

Now you're just screwing with us.

And finally, my favorite, no doubt written after someone was asked just a few times too many:




Thanks to Sara A., Julia L., Stephanie L., Sadie P., Rose B., Anne B., Elizabeth S., & Erin F., who are all going, "OoooOOooh, NOW I see it!"