Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Summer Sweeps

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

We have an exciting new lineup of shows for you this Summer, target demographic viewers! That's right, who needs scripts, stars, or self-respect when you could be watching "Joan Rivers' Surgery Cam," "Bulimic Hoarders with STDs Who Didn't Know They Were Pregnant," or "Temptation Island 12"?

And be sure to set your DVR for these soon-to-be-hits...


An unlikely partnership leads a con artist-turned-Tennis-enthusiast to teach his young Ninja protégé yodeling in...

What a Racket!


Our hot new teen drama, A Lot Like Twilight, features plenty of drama, betrayal, more drama, pale guys who might be vampires, crying, rippling abs, and whatever this is:

Yeah. Dramatic.


And, by popular demand, the star of the much beloved Microsoft Word program, That Paperclip Guy, gets his own reality show! Don't miss the fun as he and his plucky sidekick Bulbous tour the nation, terrorizing interns!

"I see you're trying to write a letter!
BWAHAHAHA!! So. Not. Happening."


You won't want to miss this years hottest, sexiest, steamiest medical drama:

Grey's Podiatry


And finally, for those of you mired in hopeless childhood nostalgia that forces you to hurl money at anything from the 80s or 90s, don't miss our re-boot of the season:

Mighty Morphin Power Fishermen!


So, TV fans, pop the popcorn, grab the remote, and get ready to watch reruns on Hulu! Yeah!


Thanks to Joshua W., Courtney S., Cari C., & Cheryl S. for today's Fail Lineup.
Trevor said...

What IS that thing on the first cake? I swear, I can't figure it out.

Haiku Joy said...

English teacher can't
close what was never opened,
Sobs at quotemark eyes.

wv: bacro

I'll be backro after the commercials.

Bakeshow said...

Oooooorrrrrr.....

The Ninja Vampire that works at a shoe store but fishes on the weekends?

I see a new reality show in the making. Right. Here.

Haiku Joy said...

Doughnut Vader scowls.
Where's his red saber? Heck, where's
his ventilator?


wv: altiness

We are not worthy, your altiness.

bassgirl said...

The second cake is obvious! There was an explosion at the Wassap colorful box making factory. The little colorful boxes fell off the conveyor belt and two workers were knocked over by the blast. Fortunately, the colorful boxes were sturdy enough that they were not damaged by the blast.

flying gargoyle said...

Thanks to that first cake, Ninja Vampire Bagels will now haunt my dreams...

Head to Hollywood John & Jen, these are the most original show ideas this season!

Fluffy Cow said...

I was really hoping that the second cake was a "Where's Waldo" cake... mainly because it took me a minute to find him.

Andrea K. said...

@flying gargoyle...

NINJA VAMPIRE BAGELS!!!!! OMG, I LOVE it!!!

And that foot cake is just creepy -- what is it about body-part cakes that people like to order them so much? Blech!!
.

SuBee said...

I was a psych minor in college in the eighties so I can tell you that he second cake is a rorschach cake. Different subjects see different things in the images depicted in the frosting. What do you see...

Anonymous said...

well, at least they were too lazy to pipe a poo pile on that first cake and instead just plopped a doughnut on there. a yodeling ninja doughnut is much better than a yodeling ninja poo pile!
-your gloriously geeky reader kate

BP said...

MIGHTY MORPHING FISH MEN *runs off screen, crying/laughing* No, really, *sniff* I'll be fine...just find me in a half an hour and I'll be all good.... ;D

Naomi said...

The first cake is not completely terrible, it just suffers from Trochee Fixation (http://xkcd.com/856/). Happy Ninja Donut Tennis Racket Sixteenth!

Anonymous said...

WHAT was that second one supposed to be???

Sharon

Marcy W. said...

The second cake is clearly two people planking in midair. At a rock concert. Where something exploded. And made everything square. Yep, I'm stickin' to that.

BADKarma! said...

I think the thing on the first cake is Bat-Donut.

And I now want a Mighty Morphin' Power Angler.

Dani said...

Call me a weirdo but I kinda love that it's a nija donut on that first one.

The evil microsoft paperclip getting it's own show is even worse than the Geico Cave Men getting one (I was sooooooo glad that failed)

Anonymous said...

I don't see anything wrong with the first one. I don't get the joke... but it's not my cake; I don't have to.

Sharyn said...

Did you notice the 2nd cake says "wassup?" Good question.

I think I'm going to bribe my 11-year-old to be Ninja Donut for Halloween.

thesacredandtheprofane said...

I love that the second cake says "Wassup!" Wassup, indeed.

SuBee said...

Dan,
I like the ninja donut, too. It's kind of adorable.

Micalah said...

That black thing on the first cake looks like a ninja donut!

Tina, said...

Love, love the evil paperclip and light bulb! that's funny...I don't care who you are...

wv: beterana
wv: bingim

deckardcanine said...

What? That doesn't look anything like the Microsoft Office Assistant. It's a light bulb.

mel said...

A ninja and a tennis racket? Someone's stringing us along....

That second cake represents the Fall of Civilization Through the Use of Excessive Telecommunication. While the woman continues to talk (an unfortunate stereotype, the man has already succumbed to inner-ear overload and fallen flat. Their two cell towers (the ying and yang of life) have also fallen, shooting sparks of astonishment all over, while the little squares represent bits (or bytes) of knowledge lost for all time as the Antennae of Communication collapse. The "Wassup?" is the last bit of irony (and a subtle warning) as nothing is up, it's all fallen down.

The third cake was inspirational: I finally saw the light....

The "Foot & Flip-flop Cake" is the visualization of a common expression -- not a leg to stand on...

And last cake is a leaked photo from a classified training film where the Power Rangers attempt to combine their powers to gather food and thus cause an eel-like fish to rise to the surface of a stream. I think that episode is only found on the complete box set.

wv-toedise: a popular summer beach game where participants roll dice with their feet.

Donna said...

Ok, while I love the idea of an evil paperclip and bulb friend terrorizing people, the foot cake is just wrong. It looks as if we are seeing the SOLE of the foot with the toes turned around....Creepy.

Anonymous said...

I want to know the back-story on the first cake. Doughnut, tennis, superhero, semaphore loving 16 year old?

@BADKarma: "Mighty Morphin' Power Angler"= Awesome!!!

wv: ovessly

These cakes are ovessly wrecks.

zoomom said...

I've spent too much time looking at that ninja-donut. At first I thought "little miss ninja", but then I was trying to figure out what is up with its hands. As I was staring at it I began to realize that it was STARING BACK AT ME! And I don't think it likes me! Now I'm a little bit afraid to turn my back on my computer.

Anonymous said...

Oh yea, these make sense O_o

Puppygirl said...

Hmmm....rippling abs... does that mean John (THoJ) will be staring in 'A Lot Like Twilight'?

I was so stunned by trying to decipher the cake that I didn't even notice the "wassup".

JMP said...

First cake shows an electric bug zapper. Lots of fun to use, and needed for a black ninja vampire bagel! Better install a 9V battery instead of the normal AA.

JMP

Maura said...

I have a total bad-boy crush on that crazy-eye tennis ninja donut thingy. I hope he takes me for a ride on his motorcycle and shows off his nunchuck skillz for me. And then we can have a really bad break-up where he punches holes in the wall and I cyber-stalk him for a while.

florid nightingale said...

Grey's Podiatry!! So much better than the original.

SaraCVT said...

What is UP with the big toe on the foot cake? Is that a spider crawling on there? Who knew arachnids had a sweet fang?

Sharyn said...

@mel at 10:57

I actually thought to myself, as I was viewing the 2nd cake, "I can't wait to hear Mel's psychological take on this."

Once again, you've managed to explain "wassup." Brilliant!

Labgoddess said...

As a result of wrecks like these, I have vowed to never drink my tea/coffee while sitting in front of my computer...Ninja Vampire Bagel/Donut = AWESOME!

Fraz said...

Why is the ninja donut doing semaphore with candles? Is it trying to spell Happy Birthday or "let's play tennis"?

Anonymous said...

Given the lightning bolt on the handle, I think that's a bug zapper, not a tennis racket. My brother has one. In which case, I think you're being encouraged to zap ninja doughnuts like the pests they are and disdainfully scrape their corpses into the garbage disposal while experiencing the supreme satisfaction of dealing death by electrocution.

-KW

Anonymous said...

I'm a bit disturbed by the "bulimic hoarders..." - what are they hoarding exactly?!? Ew.

Liz said...

That second cake looks like it was inspired by Robot Chicken.

Kimberly Chapman said...

Is it just me or is bulb man pointing to where his crotch would be, if he had one?

Ow my braiiinnnn...

Anonymous said...

I'm kinda in love with Ninja Donut. I think he needs to be mohawked baby carrot jockey's sidekick.

gothkitten317 said...

wow those are the ugliest cakes I even see on my birthday which is today

Jamie Jo said...

you know, I made better cakes with my Suzy Homemaker oven. they looked better too.

A Nonny Mess said...

This makes me L.O.L.

I'm definitely tuning into these tv shows this summer. :)

The Pink Drink Ladies said...

"You won't want to miss this years hottest, sexiest, steamiest medical drama: Grey's Podiatry".

No, this should read, "You won't want to miss this years most horrifying, sinister, spine-chilling medical drama: Night of the Living Foot. Watch our star, Big Foot, as he battles foot fungus, blisters, corns, stinky feet, bunions, gout and more. So scarey you won't take your eyes off the screen."

Jackie

Melissa said...

Oh, you people make me laugh so much. Not just the wrecks and THOSE priceless comments (always precisely hilarious) - which are gems, by the way - but...the often hilarious comments like, do me in.

wildmaven said...

NINJA VAMPIRE BAGELS joins the lexicon alongside the camel jockeys! Gotta love Cake Wrecks!

Melissa said...

You guys always, ALWAYS crack me up. Not just the wrecks and their totally spot-on descriptions (how do you GET that funny, seriously?) - but...the sometimes hilarious comments accompanying said wreck(s) - they like, do me right in. : )

Badcookie said...

Omg...I *NEED* a ninja donut. Right now. I'm going to try to figure out how to sew one together.

Sebastian said...

I believe that those are Lightspeed rescue power rangers. so many different ones.

Anonymous said...

I hope if I ever develop toenail fungus it looks like the palm tree on the sandal cake.

Anonymous said...

Trevor, I'm thinking it's some kind of hockey puck man. Bahahaha! Either way WTF is going on with these cakes, especially the foot cake. I hate feet and feel like I would definitely unfriend anyone who ever made that cake for me.

elissa said...

I desperately needed a laugh, and you came through for me! Thanks. In my gratitude, I might actually be willing to watch an episode of one of those shows. ... OK, maybe I'm not that grateful.

Oh, and I thought it was, "Bulimic Hoarders with STDs Who Didn't Know They Were Pregnant at 16."

WV: gater. Later gater.

Anonymous said...

McSteamy, McDreamy, McFootFettish?

Evalis said...

great - now you got me imagining how mighty morphin power fishermen might go. All the over-exaggerated movements in the original now applied to the epic struggle to reel in the tad-pole - who turns into 'the big one' by low-budget effects magic.

Sara W. said...

It's totally a bug zapper in the first cake.
http://www.amazon.com/Koolatron-Lentek-Biteshield-RZ02-Electronic/dp/tags-on-product/B000H7CUSQ

Anonymous said...

Looks like the Alien Rangers of Aquitar took over PR: Lightspeed. I always thought there was something fishy about them...

Kimberly said...

It took me about 2 seconds, but I think I know what that second cake is supposed to be.

A replication of a screencap of Guitar Hero or Rock Band.

At least that's what the colorful squares remind me of, but I got nothin' on the 'wassup?'

WV: Asesseri. This cake has way too many asesseries

P Never-Comments said...

Yay - 2 Haiku Joy posts today!
Honestly, as awesome as the cakes are, the comments are even better!

Love ninja-donut...trying to think of a way to make him in plush. He needs to be on a t-shirt, I think.

wv: conce - I'll conce you after I finish laughing at these wrecks.

Sarah Eden Walker said...

As the creatornofnthe Ninja Donut, I feel compelled to explain. First, let me start by saying I find it a great honor to be on cakewrecks. You should have heard my squeal when I logged on this afternoon!
So, my cousin was turning 16 and having a joint party with her friend. He likes drawing ninja donuts and she plays tennis. I think he may even have a website with all his ninja donut shenanigans. And that's how we got the odd mashup. I told her it would no doubt end up on cake wrecks, and submitted it myself!
The little killer is really sweet if you get to know him!

Sarah Walker--
Cakes and SEW on...

amyandtenaya said...

i gotta admit, i really liked that ninja doughnut thing from the first cake

Anonymous said...

I'm guessing the baker thought the Power Rangers were men in SCUBA gear.

tiny p elephant said...

that foot!
those toes!

Silver said...

I get the feeling the 'wassup' cake is supposed to be Guitar Hero or something similar(Rock Band maybe?).

jeepchic20 said...

You had me at paperclip guy.

amanda said...

@Sarah Eden Walker:

You rock! I always get such a kick out of it when bakers love their cakewrecks moment. Honestly, it means you've arrived! Kind of like getting Weird Al to cover your song... but your ninja donut is great.

wv murshuc: Aww, murshuc, I'm on cakewrecks!

Isolder74 said...

The second cake looks to be a background for the SBMAIL cartoon show Sweet Cupping Cakes.

WV: Mones

Those making cakes think they'll be rolling in the mones.

Arlene said...

That giant foot looks like it either has gout or a toe fungus..scary lol. My eyes will never ever unsee these cakes but I am sure worse ones are on the way. Otherwise I would be sad without a cake to cry over lol.

Zoanna said...

Toe-dully gettin' me some o' dat Foot Upsidedown Cake. Please pass the nail clippers.

Craig said...

Ok, props to wreck-- er, decorators who are good sports and can take some good-natured 'heat' while they're in the kitchen (so to speak).

But there is still no explanation for the ninja donut itself. As for the others, I don't know whether to hope someone knows something that can make sense of them or to fear that that might be so.

Count Mockula said...

I don't know how many other people who visit Cake Wrecks would even know this song, but I'm hearing "Ninja Donut Vampires" to the tune of My Life With The Thrill Kill Kult's "The Days of Swine and Roses."

BADKarma! said...

Just a side note: The Ninja Donut on the first cake is so badass he's actually using CHINESE martial arts weapons. Specifically these: http://martial-arts-shop.eu/product/description/894/Chinese_Fighting_Twin_Hook_Swords(C-616S).html.

Little Lovables said...

For some odd reason, I'm kinda in love with the neon explosion 'wassup' cake, and the ninja tenis love child cake.

The foot though, *hurls*.

Aliza said...

Add me to the ninja donut fan. No idea why someone would come up with such an idea, but kudos to @Sarah Walker for doing such a good job with rather odd designs! AND for having a such a good sense of humour!

I think @Mel has the best explanation for the second cake, but "Mighty Morphin Power Fishermen" was brilliant for the fourth one. Although, not to carp but doesn't it look like they're disco dancing?

I do think that foot cake is upside down. Which means that the Greys Podiatry cast needs help from Greys Anatomy surgeons...

But I do take issue with your Clippy/Bulbous idea. While very funny in this context, you do realize that certain networks which are bereft of decent entertainment ideas will try to turn it into a sitcom? (Personally, I think they should just take ABC's cancelled series, since those are better than most of what the others keep...)

Anonymous said...

I really liked the paperclip guy and would click on him for a "trick" periodically...then, there was the doggie who would wag his little digital butt...(sobs) I miss them!! (my company changed oursystem and we couldn't have them anymore)

-Barbara Anne

Naeem Afzal said...

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Also, visit http://naeemptc.blogspot.com to collect some extra money to the cake.

Sue KuKu said...

Okay, I want an apron or T-shirt with cutie Ninja Donut!!

christina viering said...

Love the foot!

SunnySavannah said...

I was just reading and my son (6) is apparently looking over my shoulder. When I got to the Power Ranger one he says, "Awesome! I know what that one is! It's the one where they are trying to save Zordon and there are giant fish in the river." I'll spare you the rest of the 30 minute discussion. So... There you go. lol.

Cindy Major said...

*groan* Not that darn paperclip! I have never known a cartoon to be so darn annoying. Have you noticed that he's gone missing from recent Microsoft Suites? Looks like they finally got the hint that we hated the guy!

That would make a good cake for an executive assistant... "Guess who's ba-aack?"

NYCLOAMR said...

That second cake would not look out of place hanging on a wall at the Museum of Modern Art. *strikes thoughtful art appreciation pose* Although I am not a painter, I think that the iconicity of the negative space endangers the devious simplicity of the exploration of montage elements.