Friday, July 22, 2011

The Search for the World's Most Disturbing Shower Cake ENDS HERE

Friday, July 22, 2011

You know how I'm always telling you baby butt cakes could be so much worse?


Things are about to get so much worse.


Heads up!

Wow. This is so stinkin' sexy, I almost didn't even notice the outie belly button.


Because fetus cookies are SO last year:

Goes great with mother's milk.

And lots of screaming.


Proving once again that bakers are takings posts on this blog as inspiration:

I'm torn (ha! Ew.) between asking what that gray pouch thing hanging out is and desperately, desperately, not wanting to know. In fact, know what? Don't tell me. I'm never having kids, so knowing what the inner lining's poop chute or whatever looks like is just one of those things I never need to know. Seriously. Leave me to my blissful ignorance.


And finally, look. I realize that a lot of talent was required to make some of these wrecks - I do! However, no amount of talent will ever make any part of this look yummy to me:

In fact, you could say the amount of talent a baker has when making a placenta has an inverse reaction to how much I want to eat said placenta.

Or, in other words:

SWEET BETTY CROCKER I AM NEVER EATING AGAIN.


Thanks to Matt R., Sarah M., Carl G., & Heather A. for today's gut-busters. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to skip lunch.
«Oldest   ‹Older   201 – 316 of 316   Newer›   Newest»
Polish Pauper said...

Sweet Jesus! What in the hell are people thinking? Where in the world is that even acceptable? I need to think happy thoughts and go luck at some Sunday Sweets posts to erase those from my brain!

Craig said...

@isolder74, you're right -- I completely overlooked the paradox angle. Even if I already had the idea for a time machine and this just pushed me to act, it still wouldn't work. Shazbat!

So wreckerators have no idea what a flag looks like, or a peanut, or just about anything else one might care to name. Yet they get a placenta right? Worse still, they get the color of everything on the tray exactly right except the baby? Oy! That isn't an L&D cake, it's a CSI cake.

"Your scientists (or wreckerators) were so preoccupied with whether or not they could, they didn't stop to think if they should." -- Ian Malcom

emjaykae said...

This has done wonders for my diet. I may never eat again. The torso of the baby on the last cake looks frighteningly like a chicken that I roasted last night.

Rachael said...

That first and third ones take 'in the John Hurt way' to a whole new level. But well done to the last cake for fully envisioning the alien horror that is the placenta.

who-in-whoville said...

I think I may not want to eat for a long, long while. Disturbing... really disturbing...

M said...

That last one looks like an autopsy setup.

KC said...

are you supposed to cut that baby up and eat it? I don't care about the placenta, but thinking about cutting into that baby is creeping me out. You know at birthday parties someone always wants the big icing rose on the corner? Was someone like, I'll take the piece with the baby head on it?

madeinmt said...

That last one looked like the baby was being prepped for an autopsy. Quite a bit of skill on the instruments, but not so much on the dead-looking baby. wtf?

madeinmt said...

That last one looks like an autopsy table. The baker's skill was great on the instruments, but not so much on the dead-looking baby. wtf??

Debra Weite said...

::: S P I T T A K E :::

furpurrson said...

Dear God, whatever happened to good taste???

Quisty said...

Hmm. I had 2 c-sections and have no clue what the spatulas are for either.... anyone?

(and really, people, have you NOT learned yet you should NEVER EVER be eating when you come to Cakewrecks?) :-P

Linda said...

Nope, never having kids and from now on NEVER ATTENDING BABY SHOWERS!

Tucson Web Design said...

However nasty they may look, that is some serious talent.

Sediena Lee said...

can you say "my name is Vomitus Maximus?" ew ugh. hack. blech

Jaime said...

Are they made to be eaten? I just don't get it! Do people order these cakes? Surely not a pregnant woman! Who would want to pretend-eat their own baby? Or fetus? Or PLACENTA? Holy hell that's just so GROSS!!

KarenR said...

my jaw is hanging on the floor...

Erin Smith said...

I've never commented here before but I had to this time. My stomach contents turned in my belly when I saw these cakes. I'm feeling a bit nauseous. WTF, placenta maker? WTF?

Anonymous said...

That last one is awful. I think it looks like the baby is not alive (for lack of better wording). If that cake was at my shower, I'd walk out! Disgusting.

Jasry said...

Well, I was just about to go cook dinner. NOPE, not happening now. All I can see is that bowlful of placenta. Gak.
However, my boys found it rather funny that there were stars coming out of the first belly, along with the baby. 9 and 7 is too young to watch Alien, yes? ;-)

WV: nessido: Was it really nessido to make cake look like placenta?!?!

Kimberly Chapman said...

If it was an alien ripping it's way out of that belly, that'd be much cooler. As it is...aaiiieee!

Now the last one. Well well well. That's some damned fine skill on that cake. I'm not even grossed out in particular, because I own a jello mold in the shape of a brain and I think that's fun and cool. One of my first cakes was an eyeball in orcy fingers coming out of a pool of blood. Gross is fine. All in all, I'd be ready to consider that one a sweet except for one teeny little problem:

IT LOOKS LIKE THEY'RE ABOUT TO EXPERIMENT ON A CREEPY PRE-AGED BABY LUCIUS VORENUS AIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

(This guy: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lucius_Vorenus_(Rome_character))

*resumes screaming*

AIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Molly said...

Wow... as someone who actually considered consuming a placenta (encapsulated though...) before we decided to donate it, I can honestly say that looks less appealing than the real thing...

I can't imagine having one of these at a baby shower... some of them at an awareness event to encourage avoiding unnecessary cesareans maybe. *lol*

Mel said...

Last night on "Glee"

Chenoweth character: "Wow, these margaritas are great."

Lynch character: "Yes I added just a hint of placenta."

---awkward silence---

Layla said...

Between these cakes, and our lectures in Histology on placentas I am never having kids. Maybe adopt some, but I refuse to have the little parasite in my body.

Miranda said...

What I love about these wrecks is that every one of them is expertly made. I'll bet these decorators do beautiful work when it's not something disgusting.

Don't get me wrong: these are wrecks, no doubt about it. But sometimes bad taste is funnier than incompetence. :-)

blissteach said...

No, no, no, no, no. Just no.

Nebuchudnessar said...

That is terrible!

tiny p. elephant said...

Why did I read this while I was eating dinner!!
Duckies and teddies and blocks oh my!!!

ladymeag said...

That twins cake wasn't a shower cake - it was a birthday cake for Kim Deal of The Breeders, Pixies, and The Amps and Kelly Deal of The Breeders and The Kelley Deal 6000. http://www.dangerousminds.net/comments/kim_and_kelley_deals_unique_twin_birthday_cake/

amanda said...

Oh Sweet Jesus, my eyes! This post is exactly as titled: Most Disturbing. If I ever see you posting something that says the pictures are worse than this I won't be reading.

Jeepchic20 said...

That post was chock full of sad face :(

and placenta

and just enough ew to last me through this decade.

Pink Peril said...

Weeellll.... On the plus side, the placenta is.. um... realistic...um... Yeeaahhhh. Not pleasant(a)! Lol. I'd ask my dog what he thought of it (he attempted to eat my mum's when my sister was born at home, so I'd say he's quite well up on these things...) but he's asleep. Then again, I would not wish to inflict such bad taste on his poor eyes! It may offend his sensibilities... Hahahaha I pity the poor people at these baby showers! :(

Lucy

WV: prolo = placenta-flavoured Rolo (yuck)

Ashley said...

I don't know which is more disturbing, the fact that somebody would come up with the ideas for these cakes, to the fact that they are so real looking!!!

ro said...

Oooh, I know that twin foetus cake! That was this year's birthday cake for Kelley and Kim Deal from the band The Breeders (heh).

While that last one is awesomely disgusting, I just can't get past that first one. Why must people who like that kind of thing breed?

Anonymous said...

Ok, these aren't cake wrecks - these are people wrecks. The cakes themselves are fine; WHO ORDERED THEM! Yes, I meant to scream that. What kind of person orders these cakes? The last one looks like the baby is some kind of science experiment. And does there really need to be nips on the first cake? Without knowing the back story, my guess is that people actually wanted these cakes. They are too well done and look way too expensive. Cake wrecks are funny - these are disturbing.

Sorry for the rant.

Lisa said...

I am definitely ... not ... EVER ... having kids. Or attending baby showers where I don't make the cake.

wv: greboxes
Those cakes should be put in grey boxes and thrown in the dumpster!

Tanya said...

If anything could turn me off eating cake...these would be it! That fetus thing...words escape me.

Rachel H. said...

I think I threw up a little. And I am trying not to react because I am in a room with other people. So. Hard. *shudder*

judy said...

Oy! That cake with the baby holding the sign: the hand is 3 times the size of the foot!

Isolder74 said...

Hmmm.....................Make up a word for these........


How about Dishowerasterific?

Rita said...

Yeah...I looked at these and thought "gross!!" Then I read the comments. About...people eating...PLACENTA!! Now I feel sick to my stomach. *gag* Having a mental image of eating a cake that looks like placenta is one thing. I mean, it is just cake after all. But having a mental image of eating PLACENTA?? OMGosh! There are no words.

Eat Cake said...

I think you summed it up perfectly. That was way beyond disgusting.

Eat Cake said...

I do appreciate the work the people put into those cakes though...still not ever going to be willing to eat one of them, urgh.

Anonymous said...

O.K. realistic cake sculpturing has gotten WAY out of control! Please, people, I want a cake that looks like a cake . . .

Anonymous said...

Oh, I sincerely hope these were a case of people planning the showers who thought this would be a good, fun idea...and then they went in to the bakery and placed the order ("You want what??? O-kaaaaay...")...and then the bakers try their best, but realize as time goes on how disturbing this is fast becoming, but the deadline for the order pick-up is coming...and they are left no choice but to hand these to the customers, where both parties are left blinking, standing in awkward silence...and the stunned, sheepish person picking up the cake has to get it to the shower on time...

Either that, or there are some very SICK people out there...

Rebecca F. said...

I am a big fan of cakewrecks and just now realized that, if these are any indication, you and John must see an enormous amount of really horrific cakes...

I send my apologies for what you endure on a daily basis just so we can be entertained. :)

xox

amyandtenaya said...

have to admit they did a pretty good job of that placenta, almost looks like a real one ... it isn't a real one is it? please tell me me it isn't!?

Puppygirl said...

I take it back. I've changed my mind. If I get a cake in the shape of a baby, a tummy or baby in/out of a tummy, I will destroy the sanity of the person who ordered the cake by cutting it up in front of them, with glee, making "mm-mm, yummy baby" cooing noises. And maybe a foetus and fava bean comment or two.
Yep. This post has pushed me over the serial killer edge.

wv: leluc: the sound Pepe Le Pew makes looking at this post.

Anonymous said...

Oh, good lord this is WRONG, with a capital W!

Ya know, that last cake would ALMOST be nice if the baby were done in a more cartoonish way and was lying on the scale. That is just...

Okay, I wanna know EXACTLY what kind of person would want a cake like that last one and that fetal one! Obviously people with a sense of the macabre.

Anonymous said...

These cakes are awsume so much detail...wow

Arlene said...

Oh man are those ever gross! Who on earth would want any of these for a baby shower cake? Sorry wreckerators but this time you nearly made me lose my dinner. Man if they do this now I can't wait to see what they scare me with in October. Lol waits while hiding under my bed.

Laura said...

Wow. and Ewww.
I've been a L&D nurse for 16 years, & I've NEVER seen anything like that gray blob on a string...

I love my job & I don't even think it's gross, but seeing a C/S table (quite accurately portrayed, except for the dead baby on it) as an edible offering made my stomach turn!

I'm with all the others who said that just because you can make something so realistic doesn't mean you should!

Tiffany in Topeka said...

*barf*

Midwifery student said...

The placenta isn't even realistic looking. If it looked more real then it would be gross...

Anonymous said...

For my very vain and very pretty sister I gave her a coffin cake for her 40th birthday. Her friends thought it was a major put down. I should send them these pics and they can see what disgusting really is!

AA said...

I thought at first the last one was an autopsy for a stillborn, full-term baby. I couldn't imagine anyone wanting to commemorate that event.

Maybe the jaundice will give them a clue why it died.

keepmumsane said...

dear god no. no.no.no.no. its stuck in my head now. NO

Amy said...

This page qualifies as a diet aid and birth control at the same time. Well done!

WV: swering. That one's too easy.

Anonymous said...

..that first one, she was a porn "actress", got pregnant, and via scientific anomoly baby pops out her belly button.. thank goodness no stretch marks, she thinks, her "career" is saved.. However her belly button is now like crater lake. So now she works at Hooters.

Anonymous said...

So we're going to use these cakes as proof that the parents are unfit right?

47of74 said...

"The Search for the World's Most Disturbing Shower Cake ENDS HERE?" Some sick bakers might just take that as a challenge.

Mike and Risa said...

AAARRGGHH!!! The baby looks dead!! That is so awful!

florid nightingale said...

How much you wanna bet nurses made the last cake? And maybe the bloody abdomen (with proper surgical draping) above it. And that placenta is a masterpiece, you must admit. Excellent detail! And the shininess! Perfect. Yeah. Fer sure.

Anonymous said...

Of all my time reading Cake Wrecks, I do believe the close-up of the placenta is the closest I have come to puking on my keyboard. Holy smokes, that is one stomach-turning cake!

Siouxzr said...

Okay -- so they had a contest to see who could create a cake that absolutely no one would want to eat.

Contestant 1 - baby bursting out of belly. Good job.

Contestant 2 - twin fetuses in suitcase size uterus. Excellent!

Contestant 3 - surgical drape with baby arm and leg protruding. Awesome.

Contestant 4 - dead baby with placenta and medical instruments. We have a winner. No one is gonna eat that cake. or any cake, ever.

BTW I've had two kids, seen the placenta but I am sure baby and placenta were never side by side.

wv: aeglu, the sound I made right after I read the post about the placenta shake.

Mel said...

I would hate to be the person who has to cut into the baby for everyone to "enjoy" the cake. Maybe that's why they make them look so extremely unappetizing...so no one actually has to cut or eat it.

Stephanie said...

Blech. That is all.

Avian said...

I am on OR nurse and have worked c-sections. They NEVER put a baby on the sterile table unless it is dead.

SunnyRed said...

Thanks Jen,

Stomach upset, retinas burned out!

And who wants to eat medical instruments, either? The surgical suite just isn't what it used to be...

Anonymous said...

I can only echo the other *Eeuuuuuwwww* comments... but I have to say something, just 'cause of my WV this time.

WV: seeneu - I looked at those cakes and I seeneu (seen eeeuuuwww)! Or, perhaps, Hey, Mary, I seeneu look at the cake and run for the Ladies' - how come?...oh.

Merry from Annie's Book Stop, Sharon, MA

and then some idiot said...

Wow. Such negativity. I was considering sharing with everybody my vasectomy reversal party cake. Not now. Sorry haters.

Seriously though, I visit this blog on my lunchbreak. NSFL!

Amazing......(smiley face)

HeatherJ said...

My eyes! MY EYES!!! AAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGG!

Vini said...

OMW! who starts planning a baby shower with the idea that the cake should resemble a hands on anatomy class ICK x 10

Anonymous said...

A big, huge THANK YOU to Naomi, Craig & Isolder74 for making me laugh. That's why I read the comments.

J & J(thoJ), put an "antidote" link at the end of posts like this to a Sunday Sweets of your choice (preferably off topic).

I was with a friend for the birth of her third child and saw nothing that disturbing- probably because we had a beautiful REAL baby to fuss over.

-Barbara Anne

SeriousSchwartz said...

Holy moly! I haven't commented on CW in along time, mostly because other commenters have already said what I'm thinking. this is no different except that I CANNOT COMPREHEND THE PEOPLE WHO WOULD ORDER OR MAKE THESE CAKES!!!

I kind of want to go back and look again, just to see the detail I scrolled over quickly out of horror, but not sure I can. And I've been through child birth twice.

Courtney Kay said...

the cakes are creepy... but the placenta is the only accurate looking thing! the babies look plastic/dead. but alright bakers, the placenta looks amazing!!!

~M said...

That second one is the Deal Sisters' birthday cake. Apt for ladies fronting The Breeders, yes?

I happen to find it. . . charming.

Mary S said...

YUUUUUCK!! those look so disgusting they should be used as weight loss tools...... what is a placenta doing in a cake?? seriously....what the f*** where they thinking??? (I´m going to have some placenta related nightmares..)

Bree said...

The first one is cute in a weird sort of way and the baker does have talent.

But the second one reminds me of the horror movie "Sisters," about psychotic Siamese twins, and that last one...well, if you've ever seen the 70's movie "It's Alive," you'll know what I mean.

I love horror movies, but don't make them into foods that are supposed to be edible!

Anonymous said...

Wow. I like how you sequenced them so that each one was grosser and more disturbing than the previous one. Placenta in a bowl? SO, so sick.

Anonymous said...

I agree, some of the comments are worse than the cakes! If you've ever thought about eating a placenta, please don't share. And seriously, delivering a baby with a dog in the vicinity, running around licking things?? Why even bother washing your hands?

Beverly Diehl said...

Question - to all those horrified by the stillborn baby on the last cake - agreeing that no one (at least, no one *I* would socialize with) wants to eat a slice of dead baby - wouldn't it be yet more horrifying if it looked like the baby was ALIVE? [shuddering and gagging back dinner]

WV: baici ba'icing! ba', ba' icing!

BobbyFett84 said...

"In the Delivery Room...noone can hear you scream"

Dawn @ Kitchen Lore said...

That last one... oh dear God. Placentas just don't belong as decorations on cakes, even if some people are eating them. Props if you think eating your placenta is good and can roll with it, but I just can't get over how incredibly gross that is.

Anonymous said...

SunnyRed, the surgical SWEET isn't what it used to be! ;)

Anonymous said...

Ughhh!

I am a trauma nurse. We have strong stomachs. We regularly eat italian food while discussing gun shot wounds, amputations, and evisceration. But that last cake is something something else completely.

I have been present at many births, and unfortunately also at a few which were stillborn. You never, EVER, ever put the baby on the sterile table. You lovingly wrap it in a blanket. The parents (and every medical person I've ever seen in those scenarios) need to grieve. The maker of this cake clearly has medical knowledge, because the table is set very accurately. My question is why someone with that level of skill couldn't have put the baby in a completely separate cake, in a warmer or bassinet... or better yet, left the baby out of the cake completely.

Ughhh!

Anonymous said...

If anyone hears horrified whimpering, it's from me.

Danielle said...

Eeeehehehehewwwwwwwww!!!
D:

Kimberly Han said...

I think these cakes are beautiful. As a woman who desperately wants to have a child, I have lecture that childbirth is a wonderful, natural thing and these cakes areherurburfuruperbleeeeeeeech...

...Excuse me. I just threw up!

Oh CRAP! What if that means I'm pregnant?

*runs screaming*
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

Anonymous said...

sigh, Blogger has been eating random comments of mine over the past few months...unless I'm more rude than I know and J & J(thoJ) have deleted them (but I don't think so).

Anyway, day 3 trying to comment I'll leave it at Naomi, Craig & Isolder74 (I totally heard Doc Brown) are freakin' hilarious!

-Barbara Anne

FM said...

*jaw hanging open*
*eye twitch*
I didn't just see this, right?

And these are obviously DELIBERATE--I mean, it's not an accidental poo pile or ghastly red mass of goo that were mistakes. No, these are people deliberately trying to make cakes that look like fetuses and placentas. For . . . eating?

Um, why exactly?

MrsHoneyDew said...

The last one looks like David Cronenburg's birthday cake.

Katy said...

That last cake looks like an autopsy cake. *shudder*

Carol said...

What are the people who request these cakes thinking? Oh. Right. They're NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bethanne said...

All I can ask is why? WHY?!?!?!

Anonymous said...

my wife gave birth to our 2nd child in a birthing center where the midwives were a little TOO natural and hippie if you know what I mean.

They asked us if we wanted to keep our placenta?

I was all, "WHY?????" "Why would you ask me that? That's the MOST vile thing you could ask a person.
They explained to me that MANY of the women who give birth there keep the placenta, either planting it under a new tree as a 'birth tree', chopping it up and putting it in capsules for vitamins and ingesting it over time, or for the brave, they eat it as a steak. Supposedly it tastes like liver."

I seriously was so incredibly sick to my stomach that we changed our birth plan to include the fact that we wanted nothing to do with the placenta, and I didn't want to have to see it if possible.

Yuck.

ugh.

and my wife is 7 months pregnant right now. I am sick to my stomach real bad. real. bad.

Jen said...

Oh, barf!

Anonymous said...

How hilariously gross! Coincidentally, you put up this post just before I my friend's baby shower that I was hosting! Fortunately, I should say. We went with boring (and less gut-wrenching) cheesecake and cupcakes, but now I wish I had ordered something more "unique"! Love this blog.

Jamie Jo said...

I think the saddest/sickest part is: SOMEONE had to think these twisted cakes up and actually ORDER them. (can you imagine THAT converstaion!?) Pity the baker who had to do these, most likely put them off breeding forever. UGH, revolting.

Jamie Jo said...

These cakes also assist my weight watchers diet plan in a great many ways! Thank you party planners!!!

Amy said...

Umm... Am I the only tapped individual who thinks that last one looks like Voldemort Spawn? Just askin'...

Cindy Major said...

Holy smokes! I have seen some discuting cakes on your blogue throughout the years, but the last one takes the cake! (pun intended).

Ewww! Eww, eww, eww!! I'm never having kids - can't risk having someone serve this horror at my shower!

Anonymous said...

Could cure my sweet tooth! Ewwwwwwwww!
Lisa

Knit Wit said...

Oh for the love of all that's holy! I'd walk out of any shower featuring those monstrosities.

Anonymous said...

Can you say "disturbing"?

Anonymous said...

I just threw up a little bit in my mouth.

mavso29 said...

If I wasn't afraid of childbirth before I am now! Yuck.
A definite case of when art should NOT be realistic.

Reanna K said...

First off,
I must know why all these pregnant torso cakes with boobs are ALWAYS apparently cold and secondly,

doesn't anyone know that newborn babies and their placentas are a great source of vitamins, minerals, and other micronutrients? Its a government plot to reduce the population and get us to eat healthier.....

I'm going to put on my aluminum foil hat now and hope the aliens make me forget the placenta bowl

KMexico said...

Actually, yes, some of us have and do eat placenta. However, it is generally cooked. The thought of a piece of raw steak or pork chop for a cake is just as odd to me.

Anonymous said...

I love the first one!!! You guys just need a sick sense of humor. Plus their just cakes not like its the real thing. Sheesh.

nini said...

Geez-us! Disgusting!!! That delivery room table is the worst!

Anonymous said...

These are different, creative and cool as hell. I would totaly take a big piece. Awsome cakes!!!!
Michele Emmick

Michele said...

These cakes are excellently detailed. Great job!! I would order one of these cakes. People need to lighten up and remember...IT'S JUST A CAKE...click the little red "x" in the upper right corner of this page and don't worry about it. Sheeesh...closed minded people.

MeeShee said...

There's always more negativity. People suck!!! Try to be open minded...just because it grosses YOU out...doesn't mean that it IS gross.

tmisster said...

these cakes look like the real deal.or at least the last ones do.

tmisster said...

the last few cakes made me want to never eat again.

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