Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Brought to You By Seymour Butz

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Remember when I used to rail against the cannibalistic indignity that is the baby butt cake?

Ah, those were some good times.

....


Let's do that again!

Hm. Given those "legs" and the hastily edited "Baby," you have to wonder what the baker thought s/he was making.

After all, bakers don't always have the firmest grasp on the whole "edible butt" concept.

For example, "broken legs shoved under a table" isn't quite what we're going for here:

Ow.


Parents, don't let childhood obesity get the upper butt on you:

Also watch out for TLS - teeny leg syndrome.


And while you're at it, parents, maybe wait 'til your baby is a little older before dousing her lower half with self-tanner:

I mean, c'mon, the cheeky little devil is barely half-grown!


'Course, sometimes a butt cake is more than just a butt cake.:

Sometimes it's a Toddler Torso cake.


Or, if you're lucky, sometimes it's a snaggle-toothed-monster-popping-through-a-sheet-cake-and-about-to-eat-a-rose cake:

Don't even try to tell me you don't see it.


And finally, for those of you who, like me, think the idea of ingesting a cake shaped like the poop-factory end of an infant is kind of disturbing, just remember:

...it sure beats getting a head.


Thanks to Maria S., Deidre P., Aubrey A., Anony M., Renee W., Roman S., & Debra for cracking us up today.
Docbanger said...

Number 5 is particularly gruesome...

The Kellys said...

I just...no. That's all I can think to say. That last cake is just terrifying.

SaraCVT said...

I feel sorry for any baby who ends up with legs like those of the baby on cake #2. They look disturbingly like my sister's, and she has severe cerebral palsy and can't walk. Seriously.


My word verification is way too easy this time. It's "perfort" if you can believe it. Insert your own joke here.

Jenny Allworthy said...

Shudder...that last one is really scary!

Makes the diaper&legs cakes look positively appetizing!

BP said...

OH. MY. 0_o The monster. I see it. CRAWLING WITH ITS FORKY LITTLE ARMS...OOOHHHH

M. Dale said...

But it has an Eeyore diaper on! Awww....
(and, yet, still....Ewww....)

BADKarma! said...

The tatty fake roses and what I think is Eeyor on the butt of the "baby" are what make that final cake for me... O_o

WV - Lammet: Let us sing a lammet for all those poor, cannibalized cake babies.

bassgirl said...

The second to last one looks like a lady bug with some extra stuff just laying around the perimeter.

The last one looks like it needs an apple stuffed in its mouth and time in the oven at 350. Mmmmm, roast baby. *shudder*

Haiku Joy said...

The complete tyke cake
needed more cowbell, pronto.
Hence, Eeyore Diaper.

mimi said...

nom nom nom, baby! It's my favorite flavor.

Heather said...

wait, the body on that "self-tanner" one was made from a heart-shaped pan. if they were going for the heart-shaped butt, they turned it the wrong direction. I'm so confused! ????

Haiku Joy said...

Wonders whether to
sledgehammer cakemonster, or
wear like pet headcrab.

Anonymous said...

Lady bug snaggle-toothed monsters, oh my!

Calico said...

You had me in hysterics! Thank you!

Sharyn said...

I always enjoy it when Hannibal Lecter gives a baking master class.

There's something about the Whole Roast Baby cake (@bassgirl at 9:39, I thought the same thing about the apple...) that makes me want to yell "Dibs on the spleen!"

Anonymous said...

This is over the top and terrifying. I think you should pull the post - you have young readers. The little fondant blankets make the cakes look like cannibal surprise. I can only shutter to think what is hidden under the blanket.

teri said...

I just burst out laughing at the snaggle toothed lady-butt cake!! That made my morning!


wv:gapairo- you can fill any gapairos in your cake by using extra baby torsos.

Haiku Joy said...

I've identified
the babe immortalized in
final cake: Lenin.

Gary said...

It's only tangentially related, but this reminds me of the court battle that went on in Dallas maybe 10 or 20 years ago between two rival "Butt Sketch" artists who were both working the sidewalks of the West End (a touristy neighborhood of downtown Dallas). For a fee, they would make a drawing of your derriere, I guess as a souvenir of Big D. One Butt Sketcher said the other guy had stolen his business idea. Apparently, the city wasn't big enough for two buttock portraitists. If I remember right, though, the guy who claimed it was his intellectual property being heisted lost. The judge wasn't convinced that his idea was original enough for him to claim ownership.

Until "Cake Wrecks," I didn't know what happened to the Butt Sketch artists, but it appears they went into cake decorating.

Mafdet said...

I can't decide if the last cake makes me think more of "roast baby" or of "satanic ritual".

Both possibilities make me shudder, though.

thesacredandtheprofane said...

Oooh! Dat ass!
Or maybe it should be Ewwwww! Dat ass!

Sorry. I just couldn't help myself. :/

Anonymous said...

Some of those diapers look pretty full, too. Bonus.

WV: reminsin. I just love reminsin about all the baby bum cakes of the past.

Anonymous said...

Thanks to all you other wreckers for pointing out the Eeyore diaper on that last one. I would have missed the cuteness! I was so focused on the turkey leg arms with the little turkey frills on the hands. I was sad...until I went back and saw EEYORE!!

Wait...no, I'm still a little sad for the baby eating people.

mouse said...

the ladybug monster. oh. my.


@Haiku Joy -- the "wear like pet headcrab" line had me laughing almost as much as the creature itself. Thanks!

Anonymous said...

Ewww is an understatement DX

Loo-E Loo-I said...

Cake #1: Words fail me.

Cake #2: Dorothy's early attempts at destroying wicked witches. I expect the legs to curl and disappear beneath the table at any moment.

Cake #3: I feel for the mother that delivered THAT one!

Cake #4: Awww...Snooki as a baby.... O.o

Cake #5: What is that odd out-of-place orange blob of icing? A tiny carrot? Attack of the 40-ft panted carrot jockey?

Cake #6: *Snort* Snaggle-tooth monster! With 9 eyes! Yup, don't see anything butt that!

Cake #7: LOL Haiku Joy about the Lenin cake... Also since bassgirl mentioned the apple and baking it at 350...that reminded me of the meatloaf baby...*shudder*

wv: haeaviv: Yes, we all want to haeaviv after seeing these cakes!

Darla said...

"broken legs shoved under a table"

Still LOLing!

michelej said...

You'd think I'd be used to these by now, but that last baby cake - oh, my...

I think I'm going to throw up...

mel said...

The ladybug cake...isn't putting "It's A Girl" on it, well, redundant?


wv-mezed: outta wack, as in Man, are those cakes mezed up!

Fluffy Cow said...

HA HA HA HA HA!!
I'm gonna be singing "Baby got back" all day now!

And MAJOR points to Haiku Joy for mentioning cowbell!!

Matthew said...

On the next to last picture, I see a ladybug engulfing a child with the legs sticking out of the mouth.

Bin said...

The Toddler Torso is definitely the Baby of Frankenstein!
Does anyone else see a greenish tinge to it?

Anonymous said...

"snaggle-toothed-monster-popping-through-a-sheet-cake-and-about-to-eat-a-rose cake"

Oh, I see it. Actually, now I can't not see it. Is it just me or does it look like something about of a Miyazaki movie?

Kristers said...

Sure it's a whole baby cake, but the blue and taupe roses make it ligit somehow.

Anonymous said...

Seriously?! Eww...just ewww......

dc said...

Here's what's wrong with people today-- if your baby falls headfirst into a cake, don't be so busy taking pictures to fish him out. Also, don't start making cakes to depict the event. That kind of crap spreads like wildfire.

Siouxzr said...

The dead pale feet on no. 5 give it a bisected toddler zombie vibe. It makes me shudder and then feel sad because "Walking Dead, season 2" won't be on until the fall.

Does that make me a bad person?

'Lexa said...

Okay, thanks. Now I can't get the image of that last baby out of my head. Gross!

Anonymous said...

These cakes are so wrong... And yet, I feel like getting one for my s-i-l who's expecting soon... After all, she stole my shower from me (insisted on "throwing" me a shower that I had to shell out almost $2K for, refused to use my baby foot prints cup cake papercups that I'd purchased in my 2nd tri, didn't play any of the games I wanted, etc), so I should get even with one of these! bwah ha ha ha ha!

Anonymous said...

Haha, not only is that an Eeyore diaper, but it looks like it's about to pop off of the baby butt cake! And I just saw the "turkey leg arms" and LMAO, thank you very much!

Rob W. said...

I see the little socks on the last cake, and all I can think of is the little paper toppers on a rack of lamb. Eeyore isn't cute enough to undo that...

WV: runrea - I would runrea fast before anyone could serve me any of these.

Letitia said...

Oh man. Now I'm going to need therapy after the broken legs cake...and the poorly made spray tanned baby legs? oh please.

lisadh said...

All those poor, poor babies! Shoved into cake like that! Those bakers should be ashamed.

Jen, you had me at "self tanner"! LOL!!

Bonus: Two Haiku Joy posts today!

Anonymous said...

Ew - gross!

Dawn said...

My 8 yr old son said he sure hopes the insides of these cakes don't look like the insides of a baby! These are just....ewwww.

Cory and Sara Jane said...

The saddest part of all these cakes is that you know they had to take many hours to make. Such a terrible, disturbing waste of time!!

Lulubelle B said...

Your snaggle-tooth monster looks to me like the back end of a giant lady bug pooping a flower after landing on top of a the wreckorator.

Aliza said...

I find the last cake disturbing, but not for the same reason as the others here: I work in public health, and am so familiar with the "back to sleep" campaigns (and the research behind them) that the idea of a very young infant sleeping on its stomach (or with a lot of blankets, toys, etc in a crib) is scary for a whole different reason than mere aesthetics or taste.

But as for the cakes and humour...

Toddler torso would have been cute if they'd put a curtain or a table or something to explain that no child got severed in the making of the cake. Just the eating ;)

The lady bug cake would have been charming if they hadn't ruined it with putting on legs on the bug (turning it into a diaper).

And that Eeyore diaper is awfully skimpy to be able to do much.

Heather said...

I swear the first one is for a baby monkey. The legs are even hairy looking.

Meia said...

LOL @ six toes on the Toddler Torso cake. XD

Heather said...

my 5yo said "the bakers need a spanking!"

McConnehey said...

Opps, the 4th cake looks like a heart mold.

Kath said...

The first one looks like a monkey...just saying.

Donna said...

Baby Kaiden (wreck #1) is a MONKEY! OMG now we have "baby shower" cakes for primates!

silver60 said...

OMG!..That last cake is awful!..So Scary!..I can't believe anyone would think of eating it!..
Marie

Gary said...

I can hear someone saying:
"OK, I'll eat a baby, and maybe I'll even eat a diaper full of baby poop, but I'm NOT eating a diaper with Eeyore on it!"

You've got to have standards, you know.

Anonymous said...

My 14 year old said: "Someone needs to stop drinking."

Anonymous said...

At least there's not "It a Gril" written anywhere. The room would have started spinning.

Rachel said...

All disturbing on so many many levels...

Anonymous said...

Entire baby cakes are best if made of RED Velvet cake with Strawberry filling between layers. More realistic that way.

Anonymous said...

#1 looks like a monkey butt. Brpy Kaiden?

self tanning baby has a load in its diaper!

toddler baby is scary with those pale yellow feet...are we sure it's human and not alien? the left foot looks like it has six toes!

snaggle tooth monster disguised as a ladybug with arms is freaking me out. but the roses are quite lovely! (what was the concept here? baby with split in pants at a picnic falls in a hole by roses?)

jo said...

just wondering--baby butt cakes. are they more likely to be red velvet or chocolate inside?

meanwhile, the last one looks like a crime victim. or like it's roasting with that crazy tan.

icecreammom said...

The only thing that would make this better is red velvet cake inside...

Kahla said...

That is just disturbing.

Anonymous said...

#1 looks like the cake Junie B. Jones would expect for her baby brother. she thought he was a monkey (since that's what grandma called him and his bedroom had a jungle theme and a "cage" (crib)).

but seriously, I think Anon @ 1:06 is on to something. how many family rivalries and "issues" have people had with party throwing? these cakes may be "born" from some sort of quest for revenge... because really, when are they ever a good idea? who wants a baby butt cake!

Herouth said...

Six toes on the tanned-infant cake. I mean, on its right foot. The left foot is not to be mentioned in polite society.

WV: undulaw: These cakes should be banned undu law.

doula_char said...

re: cake #3

that kid isn't fat, it's just a full diaper. Hope it isn't chocolate......

Heidi said...

My daughter and I jumped and held each other over that last one. Yikes!

gena said...

Who, tell me, WHO thinks this stuff up? Did no one look at that Toddler Torso (bwahahaha!) and think to themselves, "Hmm, maybe this isn't such a good idea?"

Bin said...

The Toddler Torso cake definitely only has 5 toes on the left foot, if you look closely. They are strangely flat, though.

And I wish I could see the emblem on his right pocket.
And what an odd choice for a blanket pattern, unless it was based on a real-life blanket.

shadow said...

Now that I see the monster, I can't see it as a butt anymore.

WV: daysic. I'm gonna spend the whole daysic after this one.

Anonymous said...

Ugh. That's amazingly creepy...

Deep Cleaning said...

Wonderful ideas for even better reason to celebrate!

Stef said...

The self-tanner one is also shaped like an egg...

Anonymous said...

If they had just let that ladybug cake be a ladybug. It would have been really cute. Why?! :_(

Anonymous said...

Are you sure those aren't monkey paws on the first one?

Merrilee said...

I wouldn't want to cut into that first baby - they're a LUMP int he diaper!

Anonymous said...

I love this site!!! The cakes today make me laugh, and your commentary is the best! You are...hmm how to describe you... I will have to make a new word... WRECKALICIOUS!!! *nodding* it works!!! Keep posting Jenn!

Anonymous said...

I think baby butt cakes can be cute IF done in a lighthearted, cartoony fashion. But these were just wrogn.

ESPECIALLY the last cake. No...wrong. I would be too disturbed.

Craig said...

@Bin, I might see a greenish tinge if I looked in the mirror...

#1 I'm glad several other people saw what I saw. I didn't want to be politically incorrect.

#2 Another entry in the bulging, 'I have to make something I've never seen before' file. It is my fervent hope that wreckerators do not make real babies, either.

#3 Continuing the theme, I realize there are dolls that are constructed as bags of stuffing tied at strategic places to provide some articulation, but as a model for a cake? Pictures of real babies abound.

#4 At first, I read the message as 'Welcome Baby Pile!'. I don't know why I would have read it that way. By the way, airbrushes ought to be cleaned at least once a year.

#7 The Eeyore diaper is the only redeeming feature here. Just too many elements of presentation, what with the pose, the pearl onion-looking thing in the mouth and the socks. On the hands. What does it all mean?!

Do these people not think about the next stage in the life cycle of a cake?

Bree said...

Remember that urban legend about the stoned babysitter who put the baby in the oven thinking it was a turkey?

She's now gone on to make baby shower cakes.

Eat Cake said...

I see a Ladybug, granted it should be fighting Godzilla in an epic monster battle but it's still a Ladybug.

Mama G said...

It's a snaggle-toothed-LADYBUG monster

PvtSam75 said...

Well...at least the flowers on the last one look nice...

Rachael said...

Seriously, I can't come up with anything more coherent to say about that last cake than my initial reaction of,"AAAAHHHHH!".

Sharon said...

Two things:

1. "Half-torso". Well, half-torso and legs. One's torso is sort of a shoulder to pubis thing. Without the feet, it's sort of a "Wrong Trousers" thing...

2. Is that a rodent of some description sitting on the last baby's butt?

Arlene said...

And let the nightmares begin. Why oh why did they make that one baby butt look like a deranged flower eating lady bug? I am frightened for the customer on that one lol.

Anonymous said...

My husband says there should be a law against cakes like that last one!

Anonymous said...

See, the thing is I used to decorate cakes. And when I did special occasion cakes there were always lots of people looking over my shoulder FREELY giving me their opinion (for better or worse...).

Why isn't anyone, ANYONE saying, "Ohhhh honey those legs might look a little broken."

Lou from TwirlieGirls.com said...

Love this site!

Megan said...

I just don't get it! WHY, oh why, would anyone make/want such a cake. the fact that there is more than one such cake is a little disturbing quite honestly.

btw. I'm new to cake wrecks and I LOVE it!!! I read it all the time now while I feed my newborn...my newborn that I've never had a desire to eat. Now or prenatally. Weird, I know.

Anonymous said...

Speaking of tanning, The Latest "You Don't Know Jack" trivia video game featured a fake sponsor and related commercial for : "Burnie's Baby-Browning Tanning Beds"

Anonymous said...

I couldn't stop laughing at the snaggle-toothed-monster-popping-through-a-sheet-cake-about-to-eat-a-rose one. My throat hurts from laughing so much at it.