Friday, June 17, 2011

When "Falker Satherhood" Is Just Too Wordy

Friday, June 17, 2011

So, how do you tell your dad how much you appreciate him this Sunday?

Well, hopefully not like this:

"Fatters Day is kind of like Father's Day, only for fatties. So - and think carefully before you answer this - would you like a slice of cake, Dad?"



The moral here is if you add enough shredded coconut, no one will notice you wrote "Happy Fathday's Day."


Of course, if you do write it wrong, the good news is you can always fix it:

*sigh*


Oh, hey! If your father's dad is named George, then this next one almost makes sense!

What? I said "almost."


Now, brace yourself for my famous Goldmember impression in 3..2..


"My farza is toit loyk uh toyger! Schmoke and a pancake?"

[bowing] Thank you. Thank you very much.


Or, if you want to take it one step "ferther":

Ah, how I yearn for the day when I'll have a title* worthy of all-cap block letters.

"How are you, HER SUPREME CAKEY SNARK PERSON?"

"Fine, thanks."


"Gerald, have you met HER SUPREME CAKEY SNARK PERSON? She's quite snarky, you know."

"Yes, yes, I've known HER SUPREME CAKEY SNARK PERSON for years!"


Ok, so the actual title needs work, but I rather like it. Especially since it would give the impression that everyone talking about me has Tourette's.


Thanks to Anony M., Brenda Jo, Jessica I., Kristen R., Kristina, & Toni S. who ARE ALL AWESOME PEOPLE.

*Update from john: As far as we can tell, this cake was not made for a Haitian dictator.
SuBee said...

"Happy ferther day Fran├žois Duvalier"
wouldn't fit.

asthehind said...

That last one is wierd - Papa Doc was a Haitian dictator!

Anonymous said...

I think we'd ALL be happy if George were our father.

Trevor said...

WHAT is on that first cake, besides bad writing? I can't figure it out.

Anonymous said...

I have a friend who does an excellent Goldmember impression, but even he couldn't do it in print.
My hat's off to you, ma'am.

tracylee said...

wait... the Papa Doc? I don't think the Haitians really want to wish him that happy of a falker satherhood...

M. Dale said...

I went into WalMart yesterday and there was an entire table of Father's Day cookie cakes (mmm....big cookie is my favorite kind of cookie) right up front. Every single one of them could have been categorized as a "wreck" for one reason or another. I didn't even bother taking any pictures. It was just too sad. I wonder if the bakers of the world all secretly hate their own fathers.

Heather said...

Are you getting submissions from Haiti? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fran%C3%A7ois_Duvalier

Scorp said...

What? No farters day cakes?

Donna said...

Sprinkles make everything better...or coconut...whatever....

Amy's Cooking Adventures said...

At first I thought that first one was a menorah for some reason. Then I realized that the silver orbs were roses and the poo menorah was actually poo foliage. It only could have been better with a " Happy Farter's Day" inscription.

Mary said...

i'm surprised you haven't shown any with the misspelling i did as a child once - happy farters day...it was early and spell check didn't catch it.
-mary

Anonymous said...

was "Doc" an afterthought? it's just floating in the corner...and why would you call someone Papa Doc anyway? is he a full-of-himself type that insists on his title of Dr. even from his kids? (those PhD types are like that).... unless the wreckerator misspelled "DOG", in which case Papa Dog is even weirder. he's either being insulted (philandering papa anyone?) or they're celebrating the fatherhood of their canine.

Wee Tait said...

Funny but gutted you didn't find a farter's day cake =D

Anonymous said...

The coconut actually looks tasty-just badly worded. The others-I have no words O_o

Gary said...

I see I'm not the first to think of this, but you would think that Papa Doc Duvallier's kids could afford a nicer-looking cake than that.

BADKarma! said...

Is it just me, or does it look like there's a poo menorah on the first one?

Bob said...

@Trevor: The first cake says "Happy Fatter's Day."

wv: dedag. "Dedag nabbin' cake is a wreck, Paw!"

Lisa said...

Heh - George is my father's name. But he doesn't like cake.

Lord High Muckety-Muck Meg said...

In terms of titles that should be said in all caps, I've always favored LORD HIGH MUCKETY-MUCK. When I take over and become Benevolent Dictator of All the World, I plan to have people address me as that.

Anonymous said...

I'm glad I'm not the only one who thought of Papa Doc Duvallier!
We is some edumacated people here at cakey wrex.

Flartus said...

@Amy's Cooking Adventures: Really? Roses? I never would have come up with that, but you're probably right!

Y'know that saying, "He thinks his s*** doesn't stink?" It doesn't; it smells like roses!

wv: sualer Dad's a brave man if he can sualer a piece of that!

halesbales said...

You know, a flapjack und a shigarette? No?

Sharyn said...

Most Esteemed Jen,

Of course you're worthy of an all-caps title. I'm stunned you don't have one already.

While I like HER SUPREME CAKEY SNARK PERSON ("HSCSP" for short,) I think of you as SHE WHO BRINGS WRECKED CAKES TO LIGHT (SWBWCTL), or SHE WHO MAKES ME SNORT BEVERAGES ONTO MY POOR ABUSED KEYBOARD (SWMMSBOMPAK -- see, an acronym is handy for the long ones...)

You should start using an all-caps title today. Trust me, it'll change your life.

Sincerely, SWWIGAB
(SHE WHO WALKS IN GRACE AND BEAUTY) -- bestowed years ago once friends and family discovered what an unfettered klutz I am.

Erin said...

Aren't Hot dogs, burgers and beer likely to make you fart? Maybe it's supposed to be farters day, for the dad who is particularly flatulent...maybe?

Anonymous said...

I think the "farthers" day one was intentional...still funny, though. Nice impression, too.
*must work "smoke and a pancake" into conversation today...

NYCGirl said...

I see I am not the only one who thought the 'adornment' on the first cake looked like a mangled menorah.

Anonymous said...

Falker Satherhood is a new greeting for Slartibartfast? Or a new relation? But I don't think he was a father.

Skye said...

All my cousins' kids call my uncle "Papa Doc". Although as far as I know they don't know about this website, so there must be someone else out there who calls a father figure "Papa Doc" too. :)

The New Mom on the Blog said...

As a St. Louisan and a HUMAN BEING, I am embarrassed by the Happy Father's Dad cake. I will apologize on their behalf.

Anonymous said...

wv: ourip

Let 'er ourip, it's Farther's Day!

KiriD said...

I guess Baby Doc decided to get the dictator daddy a Cake Wreck.

WV: Pifisel... Man these cake's be pifisel (pitiful).

jeannie b said...

I'm reading "Farzthers" as FARThers or maybe that's just my family...

Anonymous said...

#1: I thought that was a frost-breathing Hydra of some sort...

#2: Mmmmm, coconut. I think if you stare at that cake long enough, you will see one of those "#1 Dad" trophies.

#3: I wonder what it said *before* they "fixed" it!

#4: Nobody says "Father's *Day*" anymore. Get with it!

#5: "Schmoke and a pancake" was my brother's favorite line for quite some time.

#6: No, no, no! That's a cake for Doc's Papa. What you don't see, out of shot, is the six other cakes for "Papa Grumpy", "Papa Sleepy"....

Are you taking suggestions? How about Her Royal Snarkness? Number One could be the Snarkness in Waiting and John could be JTHOHRS - (John The Hubby of Her Royal Snarkness, of course!).

Andrea

Amy said...

I'd eat that second cake. It looks tasty.

Bhakti said...

That HAPPY FARTHERS DAY cake would probably make my Dad laugh so hard and loud that he might accidently just let one rip. And then he would laugh even harder.

I like seeing my Dad laugh. Where can I buy one of those cakes? (jk)

Aimz said...

A bong and a blintz?

WV: milsabl - these wrecks are milsabl.

Anonymous said...

Papa Doc is a Voodoo Saint..and those who celebrate the saints of that religion would make a happy birthday papa doc cake...Read Mama Lola it's about Haitian Voodoo Priestesses and the Saints.

sendingtheclowns said...

Jen, it indeed seems that EVERYTHING besides "Happy" is "too wordy."


MILLIONS of other stores/bakeries are at this very moment in a fury to commit similar cakes before Sunday.
I find the implications deeply disturbing--does anyone else??
There needs to be a grassroots movement to modify our educational system to mandate cake baking/decorating classes in all schools, starting from Kindergarten and continuing on up through college.
Talk to your legislators.
Our cakes' futures are at stake.

=^-.-^=

Anonymous said...

there is a show here in the uk called Jeremy Kyle, I think that the Farthers day cake may have been made for one of its guests http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zekd4iNru6M
Watch and enjoy!

Louise

Heidi D said...

My girls asked what we should get Jeff for fathers day. I said hot wings and beer. They said they don't know how to wrap that. Love them.

Briessa said...

I'm just glad there were no "Herpy Feathers Day" cakes...

Letitia said...

Aaaaaah! Papa doc???

Anonymous said...

Empress Jen, Grand Snarky Poobah?

Her Snarky Eminence, Jen of Yates?

Maybe "snarky" isn't the way to go. It sounds sort of plebeian. Snippety? Ironic? Flippant? No, no, "flippant" would bring on ocean mammal jokes with this crowd. (ponders) I'll work on it!


-Barbara Anne, the Blathering Princess Non-Bride

ycleped said...

Might I just say that I love how many people thought of "Papa Doc" Duvalier. It warms my nerdy little heart.

Lisa said...

I read cake number five as Fart hers day. I love this website!!

Craig said...

Of all possible subjects for an EPCOT... John (thoJ), were you trying to block it or were you seeking to plant the thought? (For the record, PDV was my first thought on seeing the 'Papa Doc' cake. Glad I read the footer -- and the comments -- before commenting.)

#1 I could almost make a case for 'Happy Fratter's Day', but since we're supposed to be careful with such references, I won't go there. Gray roses? Really? In floral language, isn't that being darned by faint praise?

#2 Maybe 'Fathday' is another stage in the evolution of Newspeak. Of course, we would also then have 'Mothday', which brings up a curious set of geeky associations.

#3 'Happy Fathers Dad' must be one of those might-be-intentional conflations like 'congradulations'. Of course, with out the apostrophe, 'fathers' is plural non-possessive, as in "Look, Dad -- happy fathers!"

#4 "Look -- we include 'day', you lose some sprinkles. Life's about choices. Take your time. Next!"

Points for including the apostrophe even if the placement is ambiguous. (Trailing is correct.)

#6 Setting aside the possible historical reference, what might 'ferther day' be?

Arlene said...

Happy Fatters day indeed.. lol. Maybe just take dad out and skip the cakes since all of them seem to either misspell father or just add weirdness. Don't mind the weirdness but if my dad saw any of those my adult butt would probably be running for the hills lmao.

flomino! said...

Oh your remarks to today's cake post are wonderful! I laughed through the whole page!

Lydia said...

Heh heh Meet the Falkers. (satherhood)

Dalton Gamra-Osaik said...

this is hillarious... i loveeeee it - Dalton

Metzgirl said...

Even my 4 year-old son was correcting these. "It's supposed to be Happy Father's Day! Why does it say Happy Father's Dad?"

Watch out Jen, I'm training your replacement.

Angie said...

That "Farther's Day" one would be gorgeous if not for all of the, you know, crap on top of it and that drip of (what I hope is) chocolate icing on the side.

Oh, if only.