Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Six Ways to Celebrate Your New Engagement

Wednesday, June 8, 2011


- With giant yellow donuts:

Mmmm. Doooonuts.


- With "lots" and "lots" of "hearts."

"Perfect."


- By planning ahead.

Way, way, WAY ahead.


- By stressing the importance of family:

Actually, Darth Vader fighting Luke in honor of an impending marriage is kind of awesome. Let's just hope your in-laws have a good sense of humor.

(And make sure the baby shower cake looks like this.)


- By comparing your new life together to violently killing things:

"Here we see the groom taking aim at his violently diarrheatic bride-to-be.

"Ah, young love."

(Don't worry, kids; he's only going to tranq her 'til the green diarrhea stops.)


Or, of course, there's always the old standby:

- A syrupy sweet public display of affection that'll leave your guests sick to their stomachs:

"Dude. Some of us are trying to eat over here!"


Thanks to Sandy S., Abbey A., Matthew W., Rachel C., Naomi H., & Jule Ann H., who are so syrupy sweet they should be on a stack of pancakes.


But I am not advocating cannibalism.

Anonymous said...

I hope that was enough cake to last Karen and Liam for a while. And now everyone they know is saying that they'll believe it when they see it!

lotsamamma said...

That last cake looks like a polygamist engagement cake. I read it as Chris + Tina and Don for the first 6 or 7 times!

Naomi said...

It took me way too long to figure out that there were only two names on that last cake.

SuBee said...

Karen and Liam are to be commended. Too many couples rush into marriage without considering the serious nature of the commitment.
Take DJ and Kelly for example. If only they had waited, Kelly might have regained healthy bowel function and DJ May have come to his senses.

"Wendy and Dave" may have learned that "in a heart" and "under a heart" are also fine options for a life together.

And, given a decade or so, Bob and Nicole might have discovered Big Black Donuts. (They are made by Entemanns in the east and they're fabulous.) Big Yellow Donuts just couldn't compare.

Anonymous said...

I don't understand the Christina and Don cake. What is it supposed to be?

thesacredandtheprofane said...

Instead of donuts, I actually saw an oddly shaped pretzel on the first one. A pretzel with one big honking chunk of salt.

Jennifer said...

The Hunt is Over... I actually think that's funny... but then again, I know people who hunt! LOL

Erin @ Brownie Bites said...

2022 eh? Man, they are on TOP of it!

Sharyn said...

On the yellow donut cake, my first impression was "Flintstone's-style steam roller." Probably the precursor to the shotgun wedding... (Gunpowder wasn't invented until Captain Kirk concocted it in the Gorn episode, after all.)

On closer look, I realized it was that rare galactic occurence, the yellow hole. (This one's a binary.) See how it's sucking the lettering into its depths? That white triangular spacecraft is already partially engulfed.

Neither interpretation bodes well for the happy couple -- they're either getting steamrolled into marriage, ot their marriage is being compared to an endless sucking vortex.

At least there's cake...

Anonymous said...

The Wendy and Dave cake was just covering all the bases. Or rather, trying to. All they needed was just one heart around all of it, and no more combinations would remain.

Sharon

Anonymous said...

Did anyone else notice that the first cake is on a LUNCH TRAY! LOL

drgns4vr said...

WV califir
Let's celebrate healthily and serve califir--with icing.

Anonymous said...

Sharyn,
Marriage compared to an endless sucking vortex.... I actually snorted out loud when I read that! Too funny! I'm happily married and all, marriage is wonderful, but sometimes, especially after kids... yeah, maybe that baker's on to something... endless sucking vortex.

Anonymous said...

#1 - Could it be an "8" on it's side?

#2 - Looks like the person taking the order got confused!

#3 - Wishful thinking?

#4 - Luke and Darth are MALES!

#5 - Hunting for...wabbits? Those two are a frisky couple and SOOO amorous!

#6 - 3 people? Oh wait, not enough room for the name. Looks like the creator had the upper female anatomy on his mind!

Julia said...

Congratulations Chris and Tina for finding Don!! :S

wv:reemewe - Don might reem ewe a new one......

sendingtheclowns said...

[Be right with you...casting my vote with the others on the "endless sucking vortex" survey.]

Okay, then! I nominate "Wendy and Dave" for the "Underneat That" Award. (There IS a contest for the next-next book cover, no?)
Chris-Tina and Don, unfortunately, had a sad story. They had drawn up specs for matching headstones for their final resting place
(always thinking ahead, those two...). But SOMEhow the specs ended up at a bakery instead of with a draftsman(a common mistake).

But it does make a fine marker, don't you think? I'm envisioning Carrara marble with a side of granite...

=^u.u^=

Anonymous said...

Are those fruit roll ups pretending to be roses on that second cake?

I thought perhaps that last one was never picked up and re-displayed recently. It looks all old and possibly dusty. But the camera date stamp in the lower right corner shows that I am wrong. Poor Chris-
tine and Don.

Ha! Sharyn! sucking vortex...Love it.

msyendor said...

Donuts? I thought it was cell division.

Jennifer said...

I do believe Chris, Tina and Don are riding in a handbasket. Wonder where they are going....

SDLantos said...

O.M.G. that "violently diarrhetic bride-to-be" comment - I must have the sense of humour of a 7-year-old because I am STILL sniggering over here....

W/V: micsjudi - never micsjudi Jen & John's great sense of humour...

Anonymous said...

So are the red and orange spots on the hunting cake supposed to be the blood splatters, to go along with the green diarrhea spots? Too funny, but YUCK! Why even go there? Maybe the baker actually couldn't believe what was requested, and just decided to have fun with it...

sendingtheclowns said...

Welllll...the Karen and Liam one *could* be one of those good, old-fashioned, pre-arranged marriages...like between "families," if you get my drift (the Ozarks are lovely in the Spingtime, I hear).
Of course, they're just babies, now...but in 11 years, why, they'll be prime!


=^e.e^=

Anonymous said...

DJ & Kelly, paintball enthusiasts.

and Christina & Don, or is it Chris, Tina and Don? was this cake found in Utah?

wv: kiers. Oh who kiers. let's just eat cake.

tiny p. elephant said...

In a heart or with hearts- classic cake wreck!

Chis-
tine

J. said...

May the force be with Matthew and Stephanie! Though I think Han and Leia would have been a better choice. More important, do you think that cake comes with a light saber to cut it -- or does the groom need to employ his Jedi powers to cut it?

kell said...

The butterfly graphic on the third cake is almost identical to what my OBGYN's office uses on their business cards. For reasons I can't articulate, this strikes me as hilarious.

Kimmery said...

You have me trained well, Jen. I read that last description as "a syrupy sweet public display of infection that'll leave your guests sick to their stomachs."

wv. heblummi - "Heblummi away with his wreckorating skills!"

Anonymous said...

I just love it when they write the direction on the cake !! ... really, how thick do you have to be :)

Craig said...

#1 As much as I love doughnuts, I can also see two halves of a buttery, toasted bagel (mmmm!).

#2 Announcing the engagement using aliases does not bode well. That border looks like it was piped by a committee. Three hearts -- wow, I haven't heard Bob Welch in a while.

#3 I thought pre-teen betrothals had gone out of fashion.

#4 Isn't it usually *her* father who has to be convinced? Unless...no. The theme from 'Star Wars' played on a banj...no. Not going there.

#5 I note that the 'red spatter' theme is carried onto the picture frame in the background -- someone is *really* into hunting, here. Speaking of which, I initially read the message as, "The hunt is on." Yikes! At least DJ already has the reception entertainment covered (how many times has he heard that one).

#6 No way to know what might have been done to 'congratulations' in this case, because the Towering Hearts of Frosting are in the way.

Hopefully, Don and Christina purchased their wedding cake from someone who knows that when you hyphenate a name, the second half is not capitalized. Cuts *way* down on the confusion -- and the snarky comments -- at the reception.

NYCLOAMR said...

Is that last cake supposed to be fuzzy heart shaped handcuffs?

Anonymous said...

Is that last cake supposed to be a pair of heart-shaped furry handcuffs?

Brittani said...

I hope Chris, Tina, and Don are happy together. Dan Savage will be so pleased.

Anonymous said...

Anonymous 11:50

#4 - Luke and Darth are MALES!

Not that there's anything wrong with that...

rosy28 said...

In the first one, those aren't donuts, they're quite obviously realistic his and her wedding rings! Classy!

erinmself said...

Wow. On that first cake I saw a retarded one-winged bumble bee overjoyed by all those purty flowers. The last one kinda looks like boobs. Just sayin.

erinmself said...

p.s. The flowers on the first cake look like a string of Christmas tree lights, no?

Anonymous said...

J....I agreed with you (11:50am post). But come on now..a lightsaber/using the Force to cut the cake? Is using a knife so difficult for them? ;-)

wv: pangs
Thanks to Cake Wrecks, my hunger pangs have disappeared!

M. Dale said...

It makes me sad that the baker of Christina and Don's cake probably really thought s/he was being clever and innovative. See the marker lines where s/he even drew out where to cut the lid so the top of the "masterpiece" wouldn't be smashed (because having a lid with a giant hole in the top makes a lot more sense than not having a lid at all.)? Yes, the total of someone's creative and artistic talents went into that sucker. Which makes me very sad for him/her.

Also, I have to assume the "2022" cake came from the order writer putting the base and flag (if those are official terms) on their number 1's instead of just drawing a straight vertical line. I make my ones with the additional marks and from time to time am suprised by someone who is unfamiliar with...well, numbers, (I guess) and they think it's a 2. Weird.

Rainbow said...

Who stuck that cake in the time machine?!

Anonymous said...

I thought the Christina and Don cake had Lady Gaga type breast armor.

Shannon said...

The second cake's wedding date is my birthday- when I turn 24. How coinceidental is it that CW picks a cake that has my birthday on it? :)

Craig said...

@erinmself, that 'one-winged bumblebee' comment struck me funny.

As for the 'Christmas lights', haven't you ever seen a rose vine before? It takes a top breeder to get blue and orange blooms on the same vine with pink and yellow.

Mary said...

Aaaahhh I'm LOVING that Star Wars one!! So awesome...and ain't it the truth? lol
I had some awesome girlfriends make a Star Wars baby shower cake for me...little baby figure in the middle surrounded by Star Wars figures. It read "The Force Is Strong With This One."

Anonymous said...

You say "donuts" like it's a bad thing...

Actually a friend of mine and her now-husband had a donut cake at their reception because they both love Brian Regan.

Karen said...

Ahahahaha. I am the "Karen" of the "Karen and Liam" cake. I'm pumped my cake made it to the website!

When Liam picked up the cake at the store, he looked at it..but only to see if they got the butterfly right...only when I saw the cake a half a hour later did we realize that the date was wrong.

When we celebrate our 11th anniversary, we're totaling getting a cake that says Karen & Liam 2033.

ev said...

I actually thoght the last one said Chris & Tina and Don. LOL

karen lawson said...

I don't get the christina and don cake either..http://virginiabeachcakes.com/why-a-cake-is-crucial-to-your-wedding-virginia-beach-cakes/

Joy said...

I wish I'd celebrated my engagement with doughnuts.
And my birthday.
And my wedding.
And my kids being born.
And the fact that it's Wednesday.

Anonymous said...

Who designs these things???? D:

Anonymous said...

so that first cake is deep fried pastry?

you lost me at Luke and Darth Vader fighting- SWEET!! me like

@Craig- I'm now spending the rest of the evening listening to the soundtrack and imagining it as banjos- simply awesome

Marriage- an endless sucking vortex! thank you, Sharyn, for making me laugh loudly

-Barbara Anne

jj said...

Ahaha @ Joy--

That is the same conclusion I came to recently. From now on, you'll only see me at Krispie Kreme, whatever the occasion. Everyone likes a donut, and I bet they've never once tried to pull a "Christine and Don."

Arlene said...

Well that last cake was dated for two years ago... maybe the wreckerator finally got their cake right after all this time or am I imagining that says 2009? Sometimes my mind just wanders away lol.

Craig said...

@Jennifer @ 12:38: Heh heh.

@M.Dale: I didn't see the hole in the lid at first because of the other problems, but it's surenuf there. All the wreckerator had to do was knock a half-pound of frosting off each heart and the lid would have cleared.

Speaking of which, I certainly hope that gunmetal gray border is lead-free.

@Anonymous @ 5:59: Donut cake. Mmmmm! Just so it isn't done in the grand tradition of CCCs (patooie!) where a collection of innocent doughnuts who never hurt anyone are entombed in frosting. At that point, even I would draw the line. After a sample.

@Joy: Happy Thursday.

I move that the Southern California regional EPCOT shelter be located within walking distance of a Krispy Kreme store. On second thought, it should be located *in* a Krispy Kreme store. That is all.

Anonymous said...

LOL that first one looks like a bumble bee.

hyphen8 said...

@anonymous at 2:18 PM

"#4 - Luke and Darth are MALES!

Not that there's anything wrong with that..."

Well, if one of the males is named Stephanie, that seems rather unfortunate...