Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Window Pain

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Bakers, in case it's been a while, this is your friendly reminder to go ahead and spruce up those window display cakes. After all, without them the customers might have to rely solely on your signage to evaluate your baking skills:

And nobody wants that.

("I'll take a Sahara and two small Mojaves, please.")


Now, your display cakes say a lot about your bakery. Ideally, you want these things to be positive, like "Look! Our cakes don't show the dirt at ALL!"


Or, "Yes, we CAN cut out small pieces of paper!"


Or even just "Divorce!" written in German:



Your displays also showcase the things that are most important to your bakery.

Like spelling:


And the fact that you never make the same mistake more than twice:


And finally, remember: when it comes to drawing in potential customers, you can never go wrong with a really good wizard cake:

Guaranteed to work like magic.


Thanks to Elizabeth R., Mary I., Erin Z., Kate, Catherine C., & C.M., who think that last window might have a few kinks to work out.
Fluffy Cow said...

Dominatrix cake?
Wow. um...

A.J. said...

That last cake made me shriek, "The hell?" Wow. Just wow.

Anonymous said...

bwwwwwaaaahhahhahahahhahahah thats supposed to be a wizard

Anonymous said...

B&D cakes!

Anonymous said...

Wait! Does that dominatrix have a peg leg? WTH?

Christy said...

Is that dominatrix standing on a prosthetic leg? Something tells me this may be an homage to a VERY close friend of the baker.

ninja dude 11 said...

they say i have adhd but they just don't under.. look a marmaid

KSLS Rocks said...

Wow. You know why I read the blog every day? Apart from the laughs and hilarity, of course. I am surprised constantly by what people proudly bake and decorate. I've been reading the blog for years, and just when I think we've just about seen it all, then you post a special "wizard" cake. Your site is so educational and entertaining.

Danger Boy said...

I LOVE the bait-n-switch at the end. VERY well bowled, indeed.

BB, Miami said...

I swear that last cake is based on a scene in a movie. Something cheesy and mid-80s, like Red Sonja or one of the Conan movies. Or maybe it was a TV show, something in the Wizards and Warriors genre. I'm not coming up with it. Anyone?

jebus llama said...

Bahahaha s&m cake...ok I could maaaaaybe see this being ordered ("hi, im looking to custom order a cake with a dominatrix with a peg leg and her slave tied to a bed. Why? Oh...its my moms birthday.") But as a window display?! Either this bakery is in the red light district or it doesn't (read: Shouldn't) cater to children. Oh this post made my day!

Anonymous said...

I don't believe I remember THAT scene being in Harry Potter :O

the_exile said...

We never used the word 'dessert' in our British household in the 70s - the sweet course at the end of a meal was known universally as 'pudding'. So, when I first read the packaging for 'dessert topping' I thought it had something to do with the dry sandy places of the world.

WVA huffi: when I found out I was misreading it I was in a serious huffi for weeks.

SuBee said...

The Little Marmaid is supposed to be the Little Barmaid, duh.

I've seen cakes for teachers, cakes for doctors, cakes for women in labor and cakes for young women entering the wonderful world of menstruation. Why should we question a cake for one legged domiminaxtri? Sorry,I don't know the plural of dominatrix. Are they not entitles to a little recognition?

Pup Fan said...

I saw a bio the other day saying that the person had served in "Dessert Storm/Dessert Shield." Tastiest conflict ever.

mel said...

Ah...the rare s&m cake.... A little reminiscent of the movie Pulp Fiction, but I think that was two guys. And, she may have a peg leg, but what is that item she's holding? It looks like something made from that rare bakery resource, dil-dough....

wv - clowin: like a clown, but not as funny

Cat said...

@SuBee --
"Sorry,I don't know the plural of dominatrix."

Having majored in math, I'm going to go with "dominatrices"

Anonymous said...

WTF ?!?!?! O_o what are these people thinking

Caroline B said...

'Gandalf looked on in despair as he wondered whether it was worth using his magic staff to get Frodo out of this particular predicament...'

Pup Fan - you made me laugh almost as much as these cakes!

Trevor said...

So I totally don't get the divorce cake. No, really, it makes no sense to me. What, it's not SUPPOSED to? Oh come on!

The last cake: you know I'm totally going to make this.

SuBee said...

@ mel

HAAAAAA
dil-dough!!!!




wv: fulffli-- an intoxicated description of an adorable feline:
"That kitty is sho fulffli!"

Gary said...

Little Marmaid = A girl who loves to eat Marmite.

TexAirhead said...

Okay, so everyone is focused on the dominatrix in the foreground of that last picture. But tear your eyes away and look beyond that cake. Look not at the middle one but further back. Is that an actual bowl of spaghetti or a cake bowl of spaghetti? And either way, what the heck?!?!? Why is it there?

Anonymous said...

OMG there are so many things wrong with that last cake. At first, I was looking for the wizard. Apprently he's another cake in the back, unless the sadist and masochist are his "assistants."

That S&M cake is frightening. The masochist is wearing a mask like the gimp (a la Pulp Fiction) and what is his hand doing?? (it's obscured by the bed post and in Groinland.) And the sadist with her supercleavage, peg leg and multi-strand whip is coming right at us! and why is the mattress sucha shiny pink....

oh the horror!

Anonymous said...

That last display brings a whole new meaning to "fantasy" cakes....

fantasy characters (wizard)
sexual fantasies...

ruins the food fantasy though!

Anonymous said...

@Pup Fan: "the person had served in "Dessert Storm/Dessert Shield."
I can't decide if it's a food fight or something from Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs

Classic Steve said...

Marmaid: Half maid, half marmot.

Anonymous said...

what's with the divorce cake? what is that supposed to be? the division of assets with the lawyer sailing the river of money (that they're losing to him) down the middle?

and what are those little things on each side? mysterious assets indeed

Marie said...

What kind of clientele does the last cake cater to?

@ Mel, that was hilarious. After further looking, it is a whip.

Anonymous said...

Ah yes Spngbob and the Little Marmaid - the famous aquatic crime fighting duo!

:D ~ Saoirse

Anonymous said...

the bug eyed gimp with the zipped lips is freaking me out. and what's on his left hand?is he tied down? is it a half eaten sandwich or pastry written in foil? or a bandaged hand from some terror inflicted by Peggy, the one legged wonder?

SuBee said...

I was looking back at the last cake (to see the big bowl of spaghetti that TexAirhead pointed out) and I was thinking maybe it was a wedding cake.
The wizard is officiating, and there's the bride with her whip and the groom...
I'm just saying it's a possibility.

wv: cleve (really!): And a man shall cleve to his wife. yada, yada, yada...

elektratx said...

Everyone missed the point in the last picture. There actually IS a wizard cake. It's just behind the SM cake. Look closer.

BADKarma! said...

"This is not the bondage cake you are looking for. Ignore the bondage cake. Concentrate on the one behind it. COONNNNNcentrate... COOONNNNcentrate..."

Anonymous said...

The Little Marmaid is Ariel's hispanic half sister who is forced by her evil step mother to clean the entire ocean before she can go to the ball....What? Am I the only one who's heard this story?

What I want to know about the last one is, what is Peggy hiding behind her back?

Andrea

Sharyn in Superior said...

Re: the spaghetti. Maybe once a wizard finds himself in that particular chamber of secrets, he might want to load up on carbs. I hear they're good for endurance.

~flying gurl~ said...

@ mel you clever clever person...dough taken to a new height...s & m never looked so ahhh,,,errr b & d before...

wv: mangth~ how did i ever mangth my meager cube dwelling days before cw?

Donna said...

Ok, I have to admit that by the time I got to the last cake, that is where my thoughts ran amuck. However, that first "cake" (substitute word "monstrosity") is just one hot mess. No "fixing" that thing.

WV: reating - what the "Marmaid" wreckerator is obviously not good at

Sunny said...

Ok the wizard cake made me laugh so hard I almost peed my pants!! Thank you for making my birthday even more awesome!!! hahaha!!!!!

Anonymous said...

Now I've seen everything! An S&M cake?! Really?!

ladycrim said...

How sad that the Little Mermaid and Spongebob had their names misspelled on their tombstones.

pikkewyntjie said...

Maybe the first sign means that they provide service to quality deserts, so, sorry Sonoran, you're outta luck. Get out of that abusive relationship with the humans there and we'll talk.

WV: sesside

The Little Marmaid and Spngebob live at the sesside.

MissNay said...

What the what?

msyendor said...

Ack. Good thing the title of 'Dungeons of Azkaban' was nixed.

Huh? "SpngBob"? Spng B-O-B? Mind officially in the cesspool this morning.

wv: Ponsiti -- These cakes are all part of a ponsiti scheme to suck as much laughter out of as many people as possible

Anonymous said...

I've seen the last cake before, it was at the essex street market in the LES

lisadh said...

Oh my.

Anne said...

'Ne Scheidungstorte, man, ich schmeiß mich weg *kicher*; ich versuch gerade die Figürchen zu bestimmen, konnte aber nur den Wauzi erkennen.
Wer sieht mehr?

MegRO said...

What is with her boobs?? (In the last cake!)

Old Lady on the Blog said...

The typos (Little Mermaid and SpongeBob) might be ways to avoid a Disney copyright infringement lawsuit.

Janellionaire said...

"No, Mom! I wanted a Spongebob-soccer-Dora-Mickey-guitar-SPIDERMAN-Cars cake, not a Spongebob-soccer-Dora-Mickey-guitar-BATMAN-Cars cake! You always ruin everything!"

Anonymous said...

Well I think the dino cake is cute...

min said...

TexAirhead, you took the words right out of my mouth. I'm not sure what it says about me, but the spaghetti bothers me more than anything else in that picture.

Great blog today. As my lovely Brit wife says, "You made I larf".

Jennifer said...

My son just asked me if that last one was a "death cake".

Anonymous said...

The Wizard...is hiding behind (or from) the Dominatrix cake. Wow. Just. Wow.

Elisabeth said...

*giggle* Kinks to work out....

I was thinking of getting a marmaid cake for my daughter!

Anonymous said...

The wizard cake? That was fine. What the heck is with the dominatrix/masochist cake??
Jeez Louise!!! I'm sorry I clicked on the pic to see it better. And I hope the hair on the right side of the window was a reflection of someone outside.
::gagging a little::
Thanks for keeping me on my diet.
--Blondie's Mom

wv: Never serve urgast a cake from this bakery.

Anonymous said...

And what the heck's with the spaghetti?
"Oh crap we have to put something in the window to distract the kids from the S & M cake. Uhhh...just throw a plate of bisketti in there, that'll do it."
O,o
--Blondie's Mom

wv: messing. 'Nuff said.

fullnovembermoon said...

Re the dominatrix cake, what has the guy got in his hand? Is that a...

a. Tube of toothpaste
b. breakfast burrito
c.furniture polish for the peg leg?
d. none of the above

Anonymous said...

uummm... wondering why oh why anyone would put spagetti in a display case! It better be some awsome pasta!

Volcano said...

In the Maswik Cafeteria at the South Rim of the Grand Canyon, there was a large sign above the center of the food service area that pointed the way to various offerings, including a helpful arrow directing you to the "Deserts". Sadly, judging by recent pictures online, they've remodeled and the sign is now gone. Oddly enough, if you go in the approximate direction the arrow points, leaving the main road, crossing into the adjacent Kaibab National Forest, and continuing on Forest Service roads, you will find yourself leaving the forest and entering a desert area.


wv: wineses - Gollum's tipple of choice, or the true cause of many of these wrecks.

Stephanie said...

Haha, the first one reminds me of when my mom wrote 'deserts' on the shopping list instead of 'desserts'. I teased her about it, naturally. ;)

Anonymous said...

Hellooo? Is everybody blind? The S&M cake as an even worse horror. Has nobody noticed that Peggy is also right armless? And I don't think its because it fell off by itself. How do you top an amputee fetish cake for pure bad taste. Who are these people???
Jill from Cape Town

Anonymous said...

Been thinking about it and I'm still stumped.

Anonymous said...

Definitely taken aback at the "Wizard cake" (thinks, hey that's not a wizard, it's Epcot!), then had another look and realised that the cake in the back of the photo is a really poor interpretation of a beautiful wizard one by Debbie Brown. See http://cakecentral.com/gallery/1337878 for a pic of a good version of it. I've made it before, and it was a heap of fun, especially the little details like the mouse, the candlesticks and the potion bottles.

MC from NZ

Puppygirl said...

I was beginning to think I was the only one thinking WTF about the Scheidungstorte.
I'm with Trevor. I do not get this cake either. Is that a _puppy_?!? on that cake?!? um... a birdhouse?
Is this a cake of Life?
@Anne, sorry, what's a "Wauzi"?

Title Loans said...

I'm guessing they didn't get an A for "effort." That last cake- why would you ever want to advertise that?

Anonymous said...

I'm curious why the 1-armed, peg-legged dominatrix is carrying around baseballs in her bustier, because those things sure aren't breasts.

And what's going on with the divorce cake? I seriously need Craig to comment and explain this to me!

EG said...

Right. Wizard. That's what I saw, too.

Anonymous said...

What is in the Dominatrix's mouth? Is that why his hand is in the nether regions? Go Look !!!!

Craig said...

#1 Maybe this is a chain; stores are only located amidst the very best tumbleweeds and cacti.

#2 I immediately went to 'Was Not Was', so there.

#3 I like how the images aren't faded at all, proving that this thing is fresh as a...daisy.

#4 He gets the birdhouse (probably to live in) and whatever those other two things are; she gets the dog and whatever those other two things are behind it. I just assumed the figure in the middle was one of the lawyers. BTW: Wikipedia defines German words in German; Fact Police, beware.

#5 Wall, hail, if it ain't 'ThE LittLe MARMAid'! The title on the back suggests that the front requires decoding; this could be at least a double wreck. Frontal photo, anyone?

#6 I was wondering about the "same mistake twice" commentary until I noticed that this is at the same place as #5 (doh!). At least this cake is consonant with the other one.

#7 Could this be the 'erotic bakery' referenced by Scott Meyer in the back story to the seminal 'Fireman Cake'?

Anonymous said...

um, it seriously disturbs me that I thought the dominatrix cake was hysterical and not wtf...

the Little Marmaid cake? well, everyone knows Disney will sue for any copyright infringement...

btw, they were all out of Saharas so I got you a nice Death Valley. :D

-Barbara Anne

Arlene said...

Lmao that last cake.. really? I wonder just who thought that was a good idea to display? And erm why is there a wizard there? Lol do I even want to know?

Susan said...

@ Ninja Dude 11 - was a good thing I read this at night and didn't have a mouthful of coffee!

First pic - I think I'm more disturbed that it looks like the sign is displayed on a wall at Value Village - is that for sale???

I think that Peggy's right arm is in the gimp's left hand - take a look and you can see it fell off her and what they just thought - hey I know let's put it in his right hand since the left is well um otherwise occupied?!

Bhakti said...

Wow...that last cake was very Robert Mapplethorpe-esque. We can all assume that particular cake wasn't in a window in North Carolina....or anywhere near Jesse Helms' estate!

(Am I showing my age??? I did my photography thesis on the Helms/Mapplethorpe controversy...)

The spelling on that SpongeBob cake was the least of its problems, if you ask me. Ha!

Craig said...

The mystery of the scheidung cake continues. A search* for relevant terms did not shed any light on the meaning of the symbols on the present cake, but it did take me on a tour of German picture sites I never knew existed, resulting in a whole new list of things to un-see. Cake Wrecks finds ways to mess with our heads, even off-site.

*No, I did not use Wikipedia.

wv: rengshi. Like Feng Shui, but it applies specifically to the design of cryptic divorce cakes.

Lynn said...

I think the sign in the first post is a reference to their customers, and not to their products. Their customers, whom they serve, are quality deserts.

Clearly, the bakers are sucking up to them. However, if the Gobi Desert comes all the way to your store, you want it to feel good about it's visit.... so long as it doesn't track in too much sand.

Anonymous said...

it's so pretty..@^@

Anonymous said...

Babel fish translated the German thusly:
' Ne divorce cake, one, I schmeiß me away *kicher*; I attempt the straight Figürchen to determine, could recognize however only the Wauzi. Who sees more?
::ahem::
I'm guessing a Wauzi is a doxie?
Maybe Caroline B knows. BTW she and Janellionaire made my coffee do a neti-pot. Please schmeiß more kichers.
PS On second look, I kinda like the dino cake too...a Rite of Spring type of thing...
--Blondie's Mom

wv: ziess!

jen bryner said...

who puts that in CAKE form!?!?!?!

Anonymous said...

Okay, stores rearrange products without changing all the signs. But why is there a soap dispenser in the product display under "quality deserts"?

Anonymous said...

I've been pondering this all day and i'm sorry to say gimpie looks like he's holding a napkin with a pile of poo. or maybe a pile of chocolate mousse. yes thats more like it.

why has my blackberry turned off capitals????

Erica said...

I can't believe nobody figured out that last cake. They are doing a scene from a Terry Goodkind book. She is called a Mord Sith. Its a fantasy series that is quite good. I'm suprised that Jen hasn't read them.

Anonymous said...

I guess the Spngbob cake decorator just didn't want to buy a vowel!

Hello? Is this thing on?

Plus: Why is everyone so down on differently-abled dominatrices with budget boob jobs wanting to have their cake and dominate it too? Sheez. I'm pretty sure the wizard is giving it his blessing.

Jennifer said...

I love me a good S&M cake--who doesn't?!?

Anonymous said...

What?

Anonymous said...

What, who would want that?

Jen said...

Not sure that this is a Mord Sith scene from the "Sword of Truth" series. First, the Mord Sith wore RED leather to hide the blood. Second, they didn't use whips, they used Ageil (magic rod that cause pain for those who haven't read the books). And third, the victims didn't have their mouths zipped shut. the Mord Sith wanted to hear the screams and begging.

Sorry, have to go with "just a creepy BDSM cake" here. And it is very creepy and strange and definitely on my "things that can never be unseen" list. Yet I keep looking back at it to try and figure out more details...

Anonymous said...

That last cake is a scene from a 1994 Rosie O'Donnell movie, Exit to Eden.

Either way, both are something you wish could be un-seen.

WV: nubad-If nubad, nu get a spanking