Monday, March 21, 2011

Way To Use Your Head!

Monday, March 21, 2011

Remember those helmet-shaped cookie cakes they rolled out for football season?


See, you can tell it's a helmet by the two tiny helmets stuck inside it.

Well, it turns out that football helmet cakes aren't quite as hot right now, what with football season being over and all. At least, I think it is. By which I mean: I have no idea. I mean, I suppose I could look it up or something, but that would require a modicum of effort, and who has the time when Modern Family's about to start?

So, let's just operate under the assumption that football season IS in fact over, and then we can move on, ok? Ok.

Now, with football season over...[warning glare]...bakeries have had to figure out what to do with all these helmet-shaped pans. 'Cuz Crocker knows, they certainly can't NOT use them.


(Hey, do you ever get the sense that I'm leading up to something?)


(Why? No reason. Just curious.)




KER-BLAMMIE!!!

Vomiting Cookie Monster.

[dusting off hands] My work here is done.


Or....IS IT?


BAM! ZIP! POO!

Yep. Now that's a triple-header, right there.



Thanks to Adam S., Nicki L., & Krystal H., who still think the Avatar face was better. The spoil-sports.
Amy's Cooking Adventures said...

Hahaha! You know, all those cookies have to have the effect sometimes, why not give kids nice warning...cake cake.

Say kids, don't eat too much cookies and cake or THIS we happen. AHHHH!!!!

Delicious and educational

pikkewyntjie said...

Cookie Monster vomiting, presumably from overindulging in cookies, presented in the form of a cookie. Is that sending a mixed message or what?

In this case, a cookie is a no-times food!

Kelly said...

It would be such a shame for bakeries not to use those helmet-shaped plastic containers so that they can end up in a land fill or in the ocean ASAP!
-Kelly

Ms. Blasé said...

Man, these "cakes" are beyond lame. They would've done better just to leave the shelves empty.

Tricia L said...

Wow, that's really stretching it. No explanation for the little cutout part either.

BTW, where does one buy naked mohawk baby carrot jockeys? I'm in need of some for a project (don't ask). I can't even think what to Google to come up with them. Somehow they will always be NMBCJ's, which I think Jen should trademark.


wv: flunisms
All those words that describe flu symptoms - coughing, sneezing, achey, fever, etc.

Anonymous said...

I can see potential in the flowers... What if you were to flatten the bottom chin strap and use the small part as a clay base (frosting applied) and do a big bouquet of flowers coming out in the helmet?

Yea it would be frosting overload for sure but sure look better than what they created!!

Naomi said...

I'm saddened by the lack of creativity on the final three cookies. Why try to force the shape to look like a lopsided bouquet, balloon or baboon butt (tilt your head to the left-- now you can't unsee it), when the shape is already just about perfect for a super-cute nautilus cake?

~M is for mollusk, that's good enough for me~

SuBee said...

It's the second day of Spring and it's been snowing for an hour and we already have around two inches on the ground. So I don't care what you say. I really needed to see those beautiful spring helmet flowers and cheery helmet balloons AND that pinkish orangish helmet-like thing.
If I close my eyes and picture them, I can almost forget that I have to go find my shovel.

Anonymous said...

hey, they're just trying to think outside the box. or in this case, outside the helmet...

vomiting cookie monster! how unappetizing! and ironically, he's a cookie.

jo said...

vomiting cookie monster, presented as a cookie product, is a perfect example of failure in marketing.

Anonymous said...

triple header! LOL

wv: monstie. a cutsie name for a baby monster.

Anonymous said...

Oh. My. God. There is no way I would eat a Vomiting Cookie Monster cake. And what is that cake on the far right in the last picture? Just smeared with a thick layer of frosting? Ewwww.

Indy deserves that first wreck.

Cait said...

I'm so very tempted to walk in to the baker's and order a vomiting Cookie Monster cake! :)

wv: bulacuxo- the sound Cookie Monster makes when vomiting.

Anonymous said...

No Ma'am. That's not a helmet with flowers on it. It is just a lovely spring bouquet. Yes, I know there are added details on the clear lid that lead you to believe you are looking at the new helmet for the Deleware Daisies high school football team but I assure you that is just a coincidence. There is no trademark violation here.

Karen said...

What is on that third cookie in the last pic? Looks like boxing gloves - which would go soooo well with the flowers and balloons. Just sayin...

Muria said...

I think the first helmet cake/cookie/whatever it is actually resembles what it's supposed to represent (some kind of a first on cakewrecks, I think, at least for helmet molds).

WV:harme
No harm was caused to any cookie monsters in the making of these wrecks (though he may have a sick tummy).

Anonymous said...

Heahehehe

Amy J said...

Don't you wonder if Cookie Monster is vomiting because they have made him start eating
more veggies and fruits so now he can't eat all the cookies he wants any more?

Hannah B said...

Maybe these cookies cakes are leftovers from football season because the bakers also didn't realize that football season is indeed over. (For some of us, it never even started.) So when whichever unlucky or foolish soul buys this garish hoax of a cookie cake, he or she will have one less tooth to show for biting into it. Perhaps this is why cookie monster is toothless. He doesn't take the time to discern a fresh cookie cake from a last-season antique. Then he barfs it all up. Poor poor cookie monster. Let us all learn from his mistake.

wv - nonfe: At least nonfe of these cakes look like poo!

M said...

To be fair, the flower one is sort of cute. I'd much rather eat that than a Cookie Monster who is so obviously suffering from a bout of gastrointeritis.

WV: Sothe. As in 'Cookie Monster needs some Malox to sothe his upset tummy...omnomnoBLARAAAAGH'. (and yes, I know it's spelled 'soothe'.)

Anonymous said...

Hmmm. To me, the shape just begs to be made into a crystal skull ala numerous Mayan archaeological scams or Indiana Jones.

Anonymous said...

What the...???

DJ Twisted Sister said...

I feel the same way about blue frosting as I feel about blue hair dye...just no.

Meredith said...

Tricia L-
You can get them online at Hobby Lobby I think. The mohawk babies. I don't think they come with carrots - yet. :)

M

DJ said...

it's a whoopee cushion, the one on the far right, isn't it?

Gary said...

Football helmets reproduce asexually, as you can see here, where a couple of little buds are already developing into baby helmets. They will soon split off from the mother helmet and go their own way.

Next time: How to pipe the team logo completely wrong, even when you have two small correct images of it on the very same cake

Anonymous said...

Y'know, the Cookie Monster Cookie could be improved by making the chinstrap section into his hand (paw?), stuffing a cookie into his mouth. It would still be a leftover helmet cookie, but a tad less disturbing.

Littlefoot

JuliYaYa said...

Classic! Not to mention the Colts logo is SIDEWAYS on the original...

Anna said...

What the fiz-uk?

Maureen said...

That barfing cooking monster made me want to toss my cookies!

Fluffy Cow said...

*shaking head*

Rachel said...

The first one doesn't bother me in structure execution so much, just the decorative execution. They HAVE the team logo on the little plastic things RIGHT THERE. And they still put it on wrong. Vomiting Cookie Monster is absolute genius.

Jiu Jitsu Los Angeles said...

Without the proper outline in frosting, the shape can be misconstrued as skulls. Maybe an early Halloween? As a Bear's fan, I can't help but be happy seeing the butchered job of the Colt's helmet.

Vicki said...

Sure, rub it in that the NFL has a lockout. With the possibility of no football next year, that means we will be subjected to even more "improvisation" of the helmet pans.

Laura P. said...

They must have wanted to use up the helmet-shaped plastic containers or something. And is that red thing on the right in the last picture supposed to be a heart, or a boxing glove? Not really sure. And why, oh why, would anyone want a vomiting cookie monster cake? Even before I read the commentary, that's what I thought it was. Btw, great commentary again today!

lelly said...

ahhhh... this reminds me of the great Carvel "Cookiepus" trend of the mid 1980s.

missoularedhead said...

That bottom image, the cake on the right? Did someone decide that perhaps to counteract the vomiting, they'd add pepto to the frosting? EWWWW.

Inaya said...

I just had the worst weekend of my life, and that puking cookie monster was probably the only think that could cheer me up right now. Thanks, Jen, for being there every crappy morning to make the day a little less crappy with other people's crappy cakes (and your side-splitting commentary).

Also, you could convert the sideways helmet cake into a hot air balloon with minimal wreckiness.

wv: skerie. Yeah, that pretty much sums it up.

Kimberly Chapman said...

@Tricia L: I see them periodically in the cake sections of craft stores, but if you've got a cake decorator's supply shop nearby they'll either have them or be able to order them for you.

Google for cake decorating plastic babies.

As someone else posted, you need to do your own carrots until such time as Jen and Jon truly take over the world and start their own cake supply biz. OMG I want...no...NEED a silicone pan in the shape of carrot jockeys! NOW! STAT! Pretty please?

Susan said...

[warning glare] LOL!

To be fair, the plastic lid does say "reusable" on it. Reusable as a vomiting cookie monster? Maybe not. But, reusable nonetheless.

D.B. Echo said...

What, no mushrooms? I could totally see a lovely Amanita muscaria made out of one of these molds. It could be sold as an "EAT ME" cake!

Anonymous said...

Ok, going out on a limb here, but maybe Cookie Monster isn't barfing, maybe those are just crumbs flying out of his mouth....maybe? I think I may be permanently damaged at the thought of Cookie Monster tossing chunks.. om nom nom nom blerg


wv:malticro - Suzie got a new dog. Its a malitcro. Half maltese, half crocodile...

Ellen said...

What would possess someone to make a ralphing Cookie Monster (ooh, accidental double muppet reference -- and yes, I know it's spelled Rowlph, before the nitpickers start)?

I keep trying to see some other option for what they were attempting, and there just isn't anything!

I guess they feel compelled to use up all of the helmet-shaped containers, just in case football suddenly disappears completely and never comes back.

wv - thavi

I'm not thavi enough to get all of the fabulouth referentheth of the Cake Wreckth crew! Thomtimeth I have to rethort to a thearch engine.

LCT said...

"BAM ZIP POO"

Snicker...snicker...snort

Anonymous said...

Oh them bakers a break this one time!
They are following the direction printed right on the plastic cover. It's in all caps... so they HAD to do it
"REUSABLE"


wv: deries, you can't see it but cookie monster had the deries along with the upset stomach

Deirdre said...

I have to agree with Inaya: thanks for making this crappy day better. Between the commentary and the comments-ary, I've almost laughed away my bad temper. Maybe it's time to hit the archives to get rid of the rest of it.

Ally said...

Is it bad that I'm kinda liking the vomiting cookie monster...I mean... he is kinda adorable in a wierd way...

B.J. Caulfield said...

That Cookie Monster seriously had me laughing out loud! I would have most likely bought that for my husband just because it was so funny. :P

Craig said...

Instead of waiting for CM to toss his cookies, the wreckerators should have tossed these.

D.B. Echo said, "It could be sold as an 'EAT ME' cake!" That's the attitude conveyed by most wrecks, is it not?

KatjaMouse said...

I'm surprised i didn't see a flaming basketball. I was expecting a flaming basketball, wreckers.

Also, glad to know I'm not the only one who can see a potential skull in that shape.

Micalah said...

I laughed my hardest at this post. I think this is one of your best posts!

ChanaSorel said...

There's a long tradition of this - Carvel's "Fudgie the Whale" cake turned sideways became the Santa Claus holiday cake.

http://www.carvel.com/products/holidays.htm

Anonymous said...

@ Tricia L.: I've also seen the "babies" at party stores, in the "baby shower" section.

And yes, I, too, had to guffaw at the Colts helmet - so close, and yet so far... Thank goodness they didn't have to draw the Patriots' "Flying Elvis" or "Pat Patriot", if they can't even get a horseshoe right!

Merry at Annie's Book Stop/Sharon

Average Jane said...

You could make an awesome skull-shaped cookie with that mold. I'd buy one.

Anonymous said...

Naomi for the WIN!! (baboon butt- tee hee)

Gary for the SUPER WIN!! (budding baby helmets)

Jen for the AWESOME, CRAPPY-DAY- CHASING- AWAY, YOU DID IT AGAIN PHENOMENAL WIN!! (warning glare? LMAO)

-Barbara Anne

P.S. I have an idea for a post- just put up cakes that represent pop culture and we, your devoted wreckies, will try to guess what you were referencing. :D You could tell us the next day if we were right.

Anonymous said...

I think they kinda look like skulls... it will be interesting to see their uses around Halloween.

Spookloops said...

The football helmet shape would make an awesome side-view of a skull!

Anonymous said...

Now I'm REALLY curious as to the people who actually BUY these cakes.

Amanda said...

@ ChanaSorel
Good eye with the whale/santa cake. But more importantly, WTF is a Cookie O'Puss!? That HAS to be a recycled use of the snowman pan or else why wouldn't they just come up with a nice shamrock shape or something? That thing is terrifying!
But anyway, I totally want one of these 'helmet' pans so I can make all of the giant skull cookies I want during Halloween!

PH in VA said...

On the very first one, maybe the wreckerator was thinking "C is for Colts - why is it upside down on these tiny plastic helmets?"

Adorably Dead said...

I actually really loved the cookie monster one. I love how his eyes look like they're bulging out from the force of the chunks he's blowing XD!

Arlene said...

Oh man they would have to have a vomiting cookie monster. Just when you think they can't get any more crazy. Sheesh. Now I fear any cakes this bakery makes lol.

Anonymous said...

If only they'd made the "lower vomit area" a blue HAND shoving the cookie into the monster, that first one would've been FINE!

Also, if you look at the sheen on the lid, you can see the word "REUSABLE"... like you're gonna pack this thing full of lasagna to take it to work for lunch?!

S said...

Why does the cake on the far right of the 3 look like a uterus?

(And soccer season's just starting up here in Oz)

Shell said...

I say make Darth Vader, Imperial Guards and Storm Trooper cookies!

Banana said...

I just realized that in the first picture (the one that's actually supposed to be a helmet) the tiny helmets have a horse shoe shape, but the decorator seems like he didn't quite have the talent for that, so he subtly subbed a "C".

nathan said...

In the baker's defense...

The last one on the right would make a lovely *package* to take home to the kids.

:D (I think it is supposed) to be a heart, but I know what a heart looks like...so I'm torn.

Anonymous said...

An ice cream cone or a painter's palette would be good uses for the helmet pan.

Kelly said...

Just an FYI, there is NO WAY Avatar was better than Vomiting Cookie Monster. Just saying.

Kris said...

This is one of your best posts ever. I laughed my butt off at the vomiting Cookie Monster. Hi-freaking-larious. And the comments about it are even funnier! OH! I needed that!

Amy said...

I loved the Cookie Monster one! I thought it was a riot! It is a creative use at least.

w.v: micke - even a mouse by this name wouldn't eat most of these cakes.