Thursday, March 3, 2011

Sorry, Charlie

Thursday, March 3, 2011

Warning: Parents, hide your kids. But not necessarily your wives.


There's a lot being said about Charlie Sheen right now - although one could argue that most of it is being said by Charlie Sheen. And while a lot of it might seem a bit crazy, I think you'll find his statements all make perfect sense...when applied to the right cake.

So, in the words of Charlie Sheen, "Just sit back and enjoy the show."


"Most of the time - and this includes naps - I'm an F-18."



"If people could just read behind the hieroglyphic ... if they could put their cryptology frickin' hat on just for two seconds..."

...then maybe they could tell me what the heck this says.



"I've got tiger blood, man."

I hear it tastes like strawberries.



"Resentments...are the rocket fuel that lives in the tip of my saber."

(Aka, "Is that a space shuttle in your pants, or do you need to see a doctor?")



"I've been a veteran of the unspeakable."

"I'm still alive, which is pretty cool."


"I’m tired of pretending I’m not a total bitchin’ rock star from Mars."



"They picked a fight with a warlock."




"We're Vatican assassins. How complicated can it be?"




"I have one speed. I have one gear: Go."



"The only thing I'm addicted to is winning."

"Surprise! That's what winners do."




"I am on a drug. It's called 'Charlie Sheen.'"

By Cake and Art. And go here for the back story.

"Duh! WINNING."



Thanks to Jennifer D., Gideon S., Lauren W., Katie S., Kathryn R., Tosha S., Angela M., Rebecca J., Anthea H., I.W., & Amy H., who are ALL bi-winning.

Update from john: The Hieroglyphic cake apparently says 'Happy Birthday' in Gujarati, a language common in Western India. How it ended up in a display case in a chain store in Maryland, though, is still beyond us.
Becky said...

I haven't been following the Sheen story but you've summed it up nicely. Go, Super Bowel!

Anonymous said...

OMG that last one ROCKS!

Anonymous said...

It think the second cake says: "snot us", but I don't know what the "c," is in the upper right corner.

Ms. Blasé said...

That's so lame that Charlie actually posted that last pic on his Twitter page. Poor guy. Maybe he just needs a slice of that Super Bowel cake.

Mermonster said...

HAHA. I never post but the WV was too good to past up. "duedic"

laughingmom said...

Sure looks like that baby has a leaky diaper - anyone else think that it looks like he is having super bowel trouble? I hear that the Charlie Sheen drug can cause this...

Anonymous said...

I saw one of those "No Intelligent Life" cakes at a certain Krocery store last year. The main difference was that it was spelled "INTELLGENT" which really added a little something special. :-)

Space shuttle – ~snort~ to boldly go…

wv: ghtem, as in "Your worst enemy is having a birthday? Let's ghtem a cake wreck!"

- DB

Trevor said...

The Rocket in my pants cake looks more like a bicycle seat than a space shuttle to me. Maybe someone left some CK biking shorts on top of their bike seat? No? oh....

The Cotton Floozy said...

I have now learned that anything can be forgiven if letter-frosted on a cake.

Anonymous said...

Jen, I love you.
That is all...

Green Zebra Market Garden said...

That Vatican assassin looks an awful lot like Elton John.

Doctor Tarr said...

I think the second one says "NOT US", with a couple of the squiggles to close to the N.

I'm not sure what it means, or what's with the squiggles.

Amanda Mac said...

Maybe that one cake is in Russian??

The disco fever one was more like a zombie from MJ's Thriller.

And the underwear cake? Actually really well done... amazing detail... *snort*

D.B. Echo said...

Wait, wait, wait. Charlie Sheen had an Oscars Party? With CAKE?

Dude knows how to party...

jennl777 said...

Best. Wreck. Post. Ever. And you didn't even have to write it!

Anonymous said...

Brilliant commentary. Hilarious. And so are those cakes.

Seetha Bhagvat said...

The second image says Happy Birthday in Hindi (well, the script is Devnagari, used by hindi among various Indian languages). It's got a typo, so still a cake wreck!

Muria said...

Amanda, it's not Russian. One of the "letters" looks like a flipped Russian letter, but it's nothing like Russian otherwise.

Trevor, love your explanation of the bicycle seat. It totally looks like that.

Anonymous said...

Today, it was a lil embarrassing to be called Samantha O.o

(Not much of an anonymous post, hu)

Loo-E Loo-I said...

@laughingmom ROTFLOL! YES I noticed that. You said it best!

A shuttle? Looks more like two & 1/2 men in there to me!

Just like the baby cakes, body part cakes are just wrong....who wants a slice of boob or penis? O.o

wv: exiess: Charlie Sheen parties to exiess.

Tara said...

So glad they didn't use chocolate frosting in the super bowel.

I'm also guessing that the hieroglyphics one was in Sanskrit or something.

I also thought the space shuttle looked more like a giant nose. At any rate, I think perhaps an ER visit may be in order.

jj said...

This is the most sense Charlie Sheen has made in a while!

Anonymous said...

I so thought the baby was peeing on the priest for a moment. And I can't believe that this Charlie Sheen meltdown is so out there in the media that it even ended up on Cake Wrecks! Remember when celebrities used to have breakdowns in private and then write a book about it?

Gary said...

OK, enough Charlie Sheen jokes. Mocking the insane is a little cheap.
It IS pretty doggone funny to match his quotes with the cakes, though.

Anonymous said...

awesome. love. nuthing but love. You are WINNING!

wv - wifige - 1) what Charlie Sheen threatens to do to his ex-wives. 2) Having wifi.

Shannon said...

I'm CRYING at the Super Bowel cake. And I'm totally getting one for my hubby, who has Chron's. LMAO!!!

DangGina said...

I was hoping, when I read the title of this post, that it would be about the infamous Charlie Sheen. Score!

So the Super Bowel cake has got to be one of the funniest I've ever seen.

And also, whoever sent the "Sorry I peed on your bed" cake has got the right idea; surely, an apology written on a cake will brighten anyone's day; forget the fact that your bed now smells of urine.

Maureen said...

Good golly. You have outdone yourself! I didn't know if it was possible, but this proves it. *kneeling, bowing abjectively* We're not worthy! We're not worthy!

Joanna said...

I'm laughing so hard, I'm crying.

In my opinion, Sheen is - in the phrase of the great classic author J.K. Rowling - "nutty as squirrel poo."

Have cakes matched to his words, though, is to achieve a level of sublime comedic glory that I though was in impossible in this mortal realm. Well done. :-)

Ava said...

Jen, you make my day with your scathing comments! The Super Bowel cake is a work of art! Football isn't that popular here in Canada, but my boys would go wild over this cake just because of the trail of #2 swirls and the chocolate doo-doo football log in the corner (what can I say, they're boys...). I'll have to figure out how to work this into a Stanley Cup theme...

BADKarma! said...

This entire post is full of WIN, start to finish.

It's also very nearly as full of Charlie Sheen as is Mr. Sheen himself.

WV - Undine.

http://www.britannica.com/EBchecked/topic/614337/undine.

Maybe Charlie Sheen is the distaff version of an Undine. Happily for him, since the man he fell for is himself, he'll never have to worry about his true love being unfaithful...

Anonymous said...

Oh good lord

flying gargoyle said...

If that fourth cake stays like that for more than 4 hours, it should really be sent to a physician!

Adorably Dead said...

You'd think I'd be used to the Charlie madness by now but I'm still lol'ing at the wizard comment he made. Apparently I can believe he can lock a hooker in a closet, but I can't believe he said that. XD

Larisa said...

Love today's cakes.

I had to post: wv: fantech

I'm fantech of Cake Wrecks solely for the bright spot in my day.

Anonymous said...

Best use yet of the Sheen narcissism! Before I found him boring and tiresome. At last he's of interest.

I am wondering exactly what Samantha will be doing to celebrate her birthday, hmmmm?

Anonymous said...

WV: Judeon. An anti-semitic moron.

Angie said...

That "Happy 21st" birthday cake is QUITE ... uh... yeah. Wow.

As for Mr. Sheen, I used to like him. Then he went nuts.

wv - condsish
Charlie doesn't have a "disease", he has an alcohol/drug/sex/winning dependency condsish.

Anonymous said...

Jen - my hat is off to you and your ability to be u[ to the minute topical. "Winning!"

Momza said...

This should get an award!!! love it!

protojew62 said...

My favorite one is the Super Bowel!! Charlie Sheen is a train wreck, so sad...he has talent in his veins, along with whatever else he's shooting up!

Giulia said...

We have a huge Indian community here in MD, that's how.

lol at every cake.

Oops, gotta go...Charlie is tweeting.

Kelley Prather said...

I've been poking fun at Charlie for the past couple of days. It's easy to do. I must now share these with those that have not yet discovered the awesomeness that is Cake Wrecks. I thank you for joining in the good time that is poking fun at Charlie!

Elly said...

YOU are brilliant. Simply ... brilliant. :)

Anonymous said...

The second cake DOES NOT use Hindi. It says "Happy Birthday" in an Indian language called Gujarati.

Candi said...

I was eating lunch and those cakes almost made a veggie wrap come out my nose

Jillian said...

What happened to the actual Sheen cake? Did the goddesses scrape off bits? Splatter paint it with nose candy? I can't really tell.

Anonymous said...

Perfect summation!

Anonymous said...

I think Samantha's cake has something with batteries under the fondant, and not rice krispie treats.

Craig said...

#3 "Wow, this job is easy! All you have to do is upend a vat of strawberry glop over each one, and you're done in no time!"

#4 When Samantha's nose itches, anything can happen. In this case, Darren got super-sized. Maybe this is the companion cake to 'Huge Me'?

#5 Looks like the dancer got tagged -- how appropriate.

#6 "No Intelligent Life" -- in this bakery!

#7 Not many people know that 'Harry Potter' was originally played by Peter Lorre -- it involves time travel and is kind of complicated to explain.

#9 I think the border pretty much says the same thing as the message.

#10 Which is worse -- to do that, or to make a cake about it? It's a toss-up.

#11 Meh.

Sometimes, 15 minutes of fame can seem like 15 decades. When Salvador Dali said, "I am the drug -- take me!" it was witty. In this case...?

Anonymous said...

I'll have what Samantha is having . . .

American Momma said...

My apologies to Bruno Mars because I do like his song but this seemed to fit.

Oh your eyes, your eyes
When you look at the camera they really scare us
Your mind, your mind
Is on another planet but it’s not near us

We know you have tiger blood
You tell us every day.

Oh we know, we know
When we say you’re crazy
You won’t believe us
It’s so, it’s so
Sad to think what you’re kids had to witness

Every time you mention Mars, we roll our eyes
And say

When we hear you speak,
The whole world stops and laughs at you
Charlie Sheen you’re crazy
Just the way you are.
And when you crash
The whole world will understand
Dude you’re psychotic
Just the way you are.

oi said...

I am not reading 50 comment if somebody has already said this. The text on second picture is not assemble of some cryptic shapes. It is actually written "happy Birthday" in Devanagari script .The language Gujarati(i of official 15 languages of India) is written in Devnagri script.The surprising/hilarious aspect is that they chose not to translate "happy birthday" phrase in Gujarati but just write it as it is in Devnagari script. We do that in informal writing like texting and stuff but not somewhere on public display.

Anonymous said...

Wow. Sure way to mess with someone you just stayed with....send them a cake that you wet their bed! Of course you didn't do it, but would they know? I think not.

oi said...

Hmm.I guess I have to mention that I did not see other cakes or update before I posted my triumphant last comment. Was so excited to see that that I just had to jump and let everybody know.

Anonymous said...

Looks like Samantha is a lucky girl.
Not so sure about her choice of friends, tho.

Rebecca said...

is that last one really a cake????

vanfox23 said...

this has to be the greatest. post. EVER!!!!



WV--brendea---the name of Charlie Sheens next "goddess"

Sixxlet said...

I get the joke, but this time I'm not really feeling it. I truly think that Charlie Sheen is bipolar. I've known a few bipolar people and this is EXACTLY how they talked and acted when they went off their medication. Perhaps the illegal drugs and alcohol had been helping to keep it in check. Now he is on nothing and the manic part of Charlie is being exposed. No one is trying to help Charlie by getting him some medication. They are all having too much fun making fun of him and watching him crash and burn. He needs help. He doesn't need to be made fun of. I saw it happen to my friends.

Sandy C also in SoFla said...

I loved the "Super Bowel" and the space shuttle... OMG today's post is awesome! I need to share this in my FB.

Charlie is so out of control. All the dope and smack he's done has fried his brain and he doesn't even realize it.

This post surely is worthy of an award.

Mama Bear said...

the Super Bowel cake is awesome!

Anonymous said...

What did poor Samantha do to deserve that freakishly-large-organ-and-bleeding-stump-legs cake? How would you like to be greeted by that on your 21st birthday?

john (the hubby of JEN) said...

Sixxlet,

I'm afraid I have to disagree. I've known a few bipolar people as well and I truly believe that Charlie Sheen is doing this for the attention. He has started using his Twitter feed in a far more self promoting, far less crazy way. As they say in marketing, "Say anything you want about me as long as you spell my name right."

I think you need to be careful when diagnosing someone as bipolar. It may be that this particular individual is actually just an attention-starved, over-sexed, drug-abusing, spoiled brat with delusions of grandeur.

Or maybe he's just nuts.

john

Mags said...

Charlie IS one Super Bowel, Rock Star From Another Planet!!
;)

Stuart Anderson said...

Bonercake FTW.

RU said...

Too, too funny.
Thanks Jen!

amydove said...

Ha, my favorite post in a while. "Rocket fuel that lives in the tip of my saber" made me laugh out loud.

Biskut Raya said...

OMG really like the last one, haha!

Ruth said...

This post is a corker! There aren't many cakes that could leave me speechless but that first one is just...?!?!?! All I can say is WHY???

ELB said...

The second cake says "Happy Birthday" in the Gujrati language/script (a North Indian language) :) I enjoy every day at Cake Wrecks! Keep them coming!

Sigivald said...

Looks like upside-down Cyrillic to me.

Anonymous said...

I've got three comments on these:

1) The thing in the pants cake looks like a nose.
2) Hasn't the Harry Potter cake been posted before?
3) The caption on the spaceship cake is oddly fitting: "No intelligent life."

KEVIN MIRALAS said...

This rocks

ELB said...

The second cake says "Happy Birthday" in Gujrati, a North Indian language with its own script. Thanks for the great blog, please keep them coming!

Anonymous said...

Not really in the mood to laugh at an addicted person due to some issues with people I love, so I haven't really been following the Sheen Saga too much. That said, this is a hilarious post. It also makes sense of several odd phrases I've been seeing pop up in my newsfeed over the last couple of days, so thanks for helping out with that. :)

I actually love Samantha's cake. Is it tasteless? Yes. But it's also hilarious and decently executed. That one is all about context. If it says "Happy 4th Birthday, Samantha!" we've got a problem. It's actually quite classy compared to a lot of bachelorette party, uh, refreshments. (Speaking of which... have you done a bachelorette party post before? Talk about needing to hide the kids!)

--kate

Anonymous said...

I'll bet Tom Hanks is relieved ...

Anonymous said...

As much as I love Cake Wrecks, I'm so bloody tired of all this Charlie Sheen nonsense. And I hate the fact that even Cake Wrecks got into it.

Seems like I can't go to many of my favorite sites anymore without having to be subjected to it. Oh well, I guess. Hopefully it'll blow over by next month. Guess I'll stay away from most of my sites 'til then.

john (the hubby of JEN) said...

Anon @ 8:51,

One day. One. Day.

I'm sorry you didn't like it.

john

Anonymous said...

Loved the plane crash cake with the flames!

celko said...

Is Charlie Sheen the new Tom Cruise? I think so. :)

Jasry said...

Haven't been following the Sheen Scene, and now I don't have to, cuz Cake Wrecks has filled me in. ;-)
Oh, yeah, and the pee cake is very nicely done, but makes me want to know that back story... sort of....

Christy said...

Well played!!
Love it!

Anonymous said...

I think Samantha asked for a "crotch rocket" for her birthday and someone did not understand the request.....

Kathy said...

Trying to get the baby asleep as I sit at the computer... luckily I didn't wake her when I burst out laughing at the Harry Potter cake that followed the warlock quote. Hilarious!
-Kathy

archersangel said...

i think that last one would be a border-line wreck even without his face on it.

Craig said...

John,

You're awesome.

By the way, cakes are over-represented on this site. Can't you guys cover other baked goods once in a while?* Thanks for attending to that. Wreck on!

* ;-)

Arlene said...

Is that Charlie Sheen holding up that last cake?? Lmao he has made it to Cake Wrecks and should be honored. I can't stop chuckling at the Super Bowel cake. Wonderful wreckerators have lost their marbles at last :D

Rita said...

loved it! He certainly is a train wreck, but I think i'll cope with a plane wreck instead.

WV: it's not nice of you to "tomont" poor Charlie Sheen. However, it looks set to become the latest national sport! :D

Anonymous said...

Wow. Unless they're all very very good friends who planned this beforehand, I'm sorry for either Samantha or her guests.

"Welcome to my 21st birthday party. Have a slice of tumescent human penis!"

I hope it's not a red velvet cake.

Word verification: keying. What Samantha might well have done to the car of somebody who decided to surprise her with this cake.

Jenny Islander

Amy Alli said...

i lmfao at the um ... rockect pants cake ... and the "sorry i peed in ur bed cake" WOW that's just weird and gross

The Boob Nazi said...

hahahahahahahaha I haven't listened to all his quotes, but these are awesome.

Dolphinwitch said...

what I want to know is, why is there a giant nose inside those boxer shorts?!

Danger Boy said...

Ah, brilliant as always.
All aboard the Sheen Trainwreck Express!!!

Jenni said...

John, Jen & Number One... I mean really - who do you think you are? You jump on this Sheen bandwagon and harrass us with it for ONE DAY. One. Day. How very daaarree you. ;)

My favourite thing about all this (and I haven't been following it, but I appreciate the cake-y summation!) is a local radio personality declaring that he "loves this Sheen scene, and that while it WILL end badly, and he (the radio host) will look insensitive when it does, he just loves the entertainment."

Oh, and as a previous commenter stated... football really isn't that big here in Canada. Neither is hockey, or beer, or sex. It's just how us Canadians are. Bahaha.

Gary said...

Rita @ 2:17 a.m.:
"Tomont" is an actual word.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tomont
It's one of the stages in the life cycle of certain protazoans.

Lyrical Rationality said...

Oh, man, that "Super Bowel" got me! Most of the time I get a good chuckle, but that made me laugh so loud I'm afraid my office-mates are worried.

Lyrical Rationality said...

That "Super Bowel" made me laugh so hard! Oh, man, I think I disturbed the rest of the office.

Anonymous said...

John, it is your right to disagree, but have you ever witnessed your friend go off his/her medication? It's possible that the drugs and alcohol were keeping the bipolar in check somehow for Charlie. I've seen quite a few people off of their bipolar meds, and this is how they act. Everything is GREAT and GRANDIOSE. Everything is perfect and they are WINNING. Oh, and they spout tons of nonsense, too. Then the mania wears off and the depression hits. I think if someone really cared about him (his girlfriends or family) they would get him to a psychiatrist stat. I hate that his 'friends' are just playing along with this.

john (the hubby of JEN) said...

Anon @ 1:59,

Most of the time when I've seen my friends off their meds, they are near catatonic with depression in bed. I'm sure there are cases in which the opposite is true but I've not seen them.

Now to Mr. Sheen. The fact is, he is using all this press to his advantage. He's now advertising on Twitter and making a good deal of money. Honestly, these seem like the symptoms of someone milking the system. My only point is that assuming someone, especially an actor, who is acting crazy is bipolar is like assuming someone with a migraine has a brain tumor. It's armchair diagnostics.

Again, no offense or disrespect to you or your friends. I just think you might be off the mark when it comes to this guy.

john

p.s. Put your name on your comments.

Evalis said...

nice, but you should really have a cake featuring his 'fire-breathing fists'.

Never get over that quote. lol

Laura P. said...

Dear Cakewrecks team,

Please ignore all those naysayers and those annoyed with this post. I, for one, appreciate it as I haven't been following the Sheen story at all. So now I won't look like an ignoramous if it gets brought up at work. And I enjoy how cakewrecks is up to date on what's going on and often posts in relation to the happenings of the day. Some of my favorite posts are the news headlines illustrated by cake. Thank you for the daily laugh and moments of awe on Sundays. Keep up the great work!

duncan said...

(Aka, "Is that a space shuttle in your pants, or do you need to see a doctor?")

Have you realized that cake says
"SAMANTHA"?????

-Aislyn

her royal melness said...

Mr Sheen was already rather famous in Australia for both his need for sparkling mirrors and his fondness for saucy blondes!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=elHnwjgrgS0

Keep up the good work CW!

her royal melness said...

Mr Sheen's clean mirror antics and taste in hot blondes was already well known in Australia!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=elHnwjgrgS0

Emily said...

John,
For being the one to say bull-poo to the antics, I adore you EVEN MORE!!!!

You, my kind sir, just might be a rock star from Mars FOR REAL!!!!!

Love,
Emily

WV: towntou
You can bank on someone whining about any post. You can take your armchair diagnosis to towntou! LOL

pikkewyntjie said...

The "space shuttle" cake was for a girl? That's the most homoerotic cake I have ever seen that wasn't outright porno.

WV (and I am totally not kidding): brain

If Charlie Sheen still had a brain, he would keep himself out of situations that invite mockery.

Janellionaire said...

Is that Asian Harry Potter?

A. A. LeBlanc said...

I respectfully disagree with you (I am not the previous disagreeing poster).

The Sheen fiasco is lose-lose. Maybe he is sick, in which case further media attention feeds his delirium - which is cruel. Otherwise, he is not sick and he is playing us with an invented story of mental illness and/or addiction. In that case, *we* are still poking fun at someone BECAUSE they are ill --- it doesn't matter that we don't know whether it is real or not. What's wrong with us?

Craig Ferguson said it best:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WigGPO6EJ20

john (the hubby of JEN) said...

A. A. LeBlanc,

Jen and I put together a post based on particularly funny things that one individual said. That's it.

Please note that we said nothing about Mr.Sheen other than he had said these particular things. We didn't judge him. We didn't diagnose him. We didn't call him names. We didn't really even make fun of him.

We took things that he, a public figure, said, for whatever reason, and paired them with cakes. That's it.

I think this particular dead horse is thoroughly beaten.

john