Monday, March 7, 2011

King Me

Monday, March 7, 2011

So there's this traditional Mardi Gras dessert called the King Cake, and it's, well...

Yeah. Like that.


Now, the fun part of the King Cake is that there's a baby in it.

Not a REAL baby, of course; that would be edible.


No, this is a tiny, plastic, inedible baby (a la carrot jockey) hidden inside the doughy goodness. The person who cracks a molar on said non-edible baby is King or Queen for the day, and traditionally is required to make next year's deep-fried baby fritter.

If that's you, then here's what you need to make a proper King Cake:

- (1) giant donut
- Melted white icing
- (1) ton each of gold, green, and purple sprinkles
- (1) baby, non-edible

As I'm sure you can imagine with an ingredient list like that, it's pretty much impossible to mess this up.

"Mardi Gras": French for "nutritional elegance."


Traditionally speaking, the King Cake is not the most pleasing thing to look at. In fact, if your King Cake is a hideous blob of slime and sprinkles, then, congratulations! You nailed it!

Of course, some bakers do try to hide the hideousness with beads, coins, and any other shiny objects they have lying around:

Cake? What cake? Ooooh, look! Shiiiiiiiny.


Others change the tradition all together:

"I dunno...if it isn't a giant, sugar-coated, deep-fried doughnut with a plastic trinket inside, it just starts to look a little ridiculous."


And, given our sue-happy world, bakers do have to make sure customers are aware of the non-edible baby choking hazard:

You have my attention.


Still, there's gotta be a better way to warn folks there's a non-edible baby baked into the cake, right? You know, something a little more self-explanatory? Something that just screams, hey, buddy, there's a non-edible baby in this cake!

That works.

Remember, the King Cake was originally created as a treat to enjoy before Lent, when many people give up their favorite foods or sweets for 40 days.


So this oughta hold you for the first week or two.


Thanks to Anony M., Brinn M., Brooke S., Marcia T., Chastity B., Kelley H., Brandon H., Lauren, & Kiki, who think Fat Tuesday just got a little skinnier.


UPDATE: Whatever you do, DO NOT venture into the comments today. Our EPCOT threat level is at RED, people. RED! Run away! Don't look back! And whatever you do, DO NOT SAY A KING CAKE IS DEEP-FRIED! OR CAJUN! OR TASTES BAD!

[Kermit flail] AAAAAUUUUGGGHHH!!!

The Boob Nazi said...

I love the one with the baby face down on the top. That is amazing.

8424c696-390c-11e0-9801-000bcdcb8a73 said...

Naked baby cakes are all pretty ugly. But they are fun to have in the office where you can harass the person who gets the baby. Anything to make a day in the office more interesting is a good thing!

Anonymous said...

Just to be clear -- REAL King Cakes are AMAZING and something this Louisiana girl can't live without. These are, as this is Cake Wrecks, hideous poorly made replicas.

Also, not sure where you crazy Floridians are getting your information, but real king cake is not deep fried. It's more giant cinnamon roll-like.

Anonymous said...

Janna here. I live in one of the King Cake capitals of America, and I HATE these things! It's like, "YAY! Let's eat a nauseating frosted challah with a tooth-cracking choke hazard hidden inside!" You wanna know the kicker? If you're lucky enough to survive biting into the baby Jesus...you have to buy the cake the next year! Oh...and there's chocolate version too. Ready? It's called a...wait for it... "Zulu." Totally classy.
WV: Fetro. Think it speaks for itself.

Kelly said...

Looks like a royal mess to me. And I've never had one that even tasted all that good, either...cake, that is, not a baby.

JayKuz said...

I'm pretty sure I saw that first one on Sandra Lee.

WV: nopar: a tier below sub-par. "The cake didn't even have a sharp plastic figurine baked into it; it was really nopar."

mab said...

Sadly, most bakeries down here in New Orleans no longer put the baby in the cake. I guess they're afraid of people mistaking it for a giant sprinkle and insisting on chewing it up. Instead, they put the baby next to the cake. So, when I get my hub his piece of King cake, I stick the baby's head in and leave the little shiny butt staring my hub in the face. Because that is the real reason to get a King Cake!

nolagirl said...

King Cake is neither deep fried nor a donut. It's a baked cinnamon brioche topped with icing and purple, green and gold sugar. Not sprinkles. It's delicious, too! :)

pulledat4pins said...

King cakes are not giant deep-fried donuts covered in icing and sprinkles. Stop trying to scare people.
It's a baked brioche; before it's baked, the dough is rolled out and it's filled with something delicious. A "plain" king cake is cinnamon, but the really good ones from bakeries usually have some combination of chocolate, praline, and/or cream cheese. King cakes from grocery store usually do have that lame doughnut filling with flavors like lemon or strawberry.
oh, and whoever finds the baby does not bake next year's cake; they bring the next king cake to the next party or gathering that takes place before Fat Tuesday. If it's an office situation, the person who finds the baby brings the next cake when the cake they found the baby in is eaten. But they're not king for the day. They just have to buy the next cake.
Also, king cakes are beautiful when they're done right. They are a delicious, rare example of a southern dessert that isn't that bad for you.

EnnuiHerself said...

Ohh, that explains it. I was at the store yesterday and saw a Mardi Gras cake with a little plastic baby. I understood the beads but not the baby. I kept asking my boyfriend "Why is there a little naked baby on that cake?" but he was too busy looking for cinnamon bread to care.

See, Cake Wrecks is educational!

Anonymous said...

I don't know why, but the face-down baby strikes me as one of the funniest things I've seen lately.

I kind of want to make King Cake themed cupcakes, with a little plastic baby smushed face-down in each one.

--kate

Kimberly Chapman said...

I learned about King Cake because of this blog in a round-about way. I saw a fellow Austin cake club member purchasing little plastic babies and joked, "Are you making a Carrot Jockey cake?" She didn't know what I meant and I got a lot of funny looks. I awkwardly explained your blog. She explained King Cakes. I remained confused about the baby part.

However, that decorator is actually very talented and I'm sure her King Cakes are both lovely and delicious, if inexplicable to a Canuck like me.

WV: pitrersh: the sound you make when trying to spit out the hidden plastic baby you just bit into while otherwise trying to enjoy a piece of cake.

Prof de français said...

King Cakes are absolutely delicious!! They aren't fried. They are baked (as mentioned by previous posters). It's best to get one from a good bakery, but some grocery store bakery make good ones as well. King Cake season starts on January 6, the Epiphany. January 6 is when the three kings arrived to see Baby Jesus. (12 days after December 25... thus the 12 days of Christmas). Anyway.... I digress. King Cakes are truly beautiful and delicious!!
http://www.mardigrasneworleans.com/kingcakes.html

amanda said...

I think you peered into my brain and stole my thoughts about king cakes. I love it.

Andrea said...

As others have mentioned the "face down in cake" Baby is hilarious. I just keep hearing muffled "NOM NOM NOM" noises each time I look at it.

That, or it's the La Brea tar pits for naked non-edible cake babies.

Sandye said...

Why do all the these remind me of toilet seats??

Miss Mindy said...

Laissez les bon temps roulez! EPCOT? Mais oui! Wheeeeeee!

Sarah said...

As a Londoner, I am now convinced there are no such things as attractive King Cakes. I hereby request a Sunday Sweets edition to prove me wrong.

WV: wingu- Clearly, these bakers were wingu'n it...

Ann Onimous said...

I only eat King Cakes from NOLA. I hate the rest of them. Yes, there is a huge difference.

Sarah said...

They look like toilet seats to me. o.O

john (the hubby of Jen) said...

You know what?

You guys are right. The cakes we published today are delicious and beautiful.

john

Jen B. said...

I guess the beads and coins are edible then?

wv: nolis. You nolis when I talk to you.

Anonymous said...

OMG. It may taste great, but those look awful

DangGina said...

Umm. That last cake looks like an intestine that's been frosted. Doesn't it?

Anonymous said...

With all due respect, John (hubby of Jen), (and I do TRULY respect you and your incredible wife), please allow me to point out that "Cajun" and "New Orleans" are not the same thing.

The majority of New Orleans customs, cuisines, and culture are Creole, which is a blend of (mostly) European and African traditions.

Cajuns are descendants of French-Canadians that were forced to leave Canada and who settled in the bayous of south Louisiana.

Although Cajuns and Creoles share some history, they are distinctly different. In my mind, New Orleans is to the rest of Louisiana what Miami is to the rest of Florida.

Sorry, the pedant in me won this morning and got hold of the keyboard.

Love your site!!

Normie

Ashley from Louisiana said...

Real, authentic king cakes are amazing. My four year old wanted king cake for her birthday, not birthday cake. It is an fantastic cinnamon roll type cake, and if your lucky, filled with some delicious fruit/cream cheese combo. If you have the oppportunity to try a king cake and pass it up, it will be your loss!

Kelly said...

We received a King Cake from one of our customers in New Orleans - it was gorgeous! I ended up with the baby, so I made one for work. It didn't look nearly as pretty, but it was fun to make and hide the baby in.

Loo-E Loo-I said...

LOL John (the hubby of Jen)...

I looked at Wikipedia's picture/example of a king cake. It shows a baby face-down in the middle of it! I'm guessing the wreckerators were copying that cake? A little "inspiration" vs "perspiration"? LOL!

wv: cripsy: Eating too many Krispy Creme donuts will give you a sugar high, causing you to be a little cripsy.

Anonymous said...

Perhaps I simply have a revolting imagination, but that last image suggests the large intestine of a plastic circus clown. Brrr.

Mjx

Tricia L said...

The second "cake" clearly spent a few hours in the trunk of a hot car in Central Florida because all the glaze has slid off into the bottom of the box. Perhaps a caution label should be attached to NOT suck the glaze off the non-edible possibly-toxic Mardi Gras beads.

msyendor said...

Tsk, tsk. Such a royal fuss. Giant Cinnabon roll or a pile of donuts from Krispy Kreme (mmm. donuts), whatever. As long as it tastes good and the cheap beads and creepy dolly are thoroughly sanitized.

But to these present examples, I get this weird itch to sub giant gummy bears for the dolly.

wv: ypcop == warning, warning, ypcop alert.

Dani said...

I have good King Cake it was more like a danish than a donut.

On the other hand every king cake I've ever had had the baby hanging out. I think they just don't want to be sued.

Tina, The Escrow Goddess said...

I guess the point to Mardi Gras is to Eat, Drink and be Merry, for tomorrow we give it up for 40 days and 40 nights. And I imagine after several days of drinking this cake probably looks a lot more eidable, and the thought of the possiblity of finding a naked baby in your food makes more sense.

Lissanee said...

We didn't say they were beautiful or well made. We said they weren't fried. Wikipedia? Really, John? It's 9:41 there are only 15 comments and 4 of them are telling you king cake isn't fried and one of them is you explaining you got your info from Wikipedia....Another Louisiana gal here, one who used to work at a bakery that baked them, because that's how they're made, one who is baking four of them with my sister this afternoon because we live in Texas now and frosted Target king cakes are just wrong. Love you guys, but research from wikipedia is like recipes from Sandra Lee.
Laissez les bon temps rouller!!!!!!
And the babies I use are Mohawk babies. Lol

Laura said...

Since King Cakes are a foreign concept here in Southern California, can you please post some beautiful examples of this apparently delectible pastry? We all like the decadence we can get!

Daisy said...

I've got my first batch of king cakes in the oven right now, but boy, do I wish we had McKenzie's here in South Florida!! Or a Gambino's king cake, almost as good!

Anonymous said...

I've had King Cakes in N'awlins, and they can be pretty good.

But google an image for "galette des rois" and feast your eyes. That's what's eaten in France in January.

Those are two rounds of BUTTER puff pastry, sandwiched around a thick layer of almond pastry cream.

Holy moley -- they are GOOD.

(and they're pretty...which unfortunately even some of the tastiest King Cakes manage to miss by a country mile)

WV: dercedin: y'all need ta be dercedin whether y'all want a King cake or one a them there galettes dez roys.

(WV2: taing. Taingyooberrymuch)

Zachary's Mom said...

The 6th picture, the one that has it written in black marker (there's a baby inside) is a Randazzo's king cake. It is the BEST King Cake around. They use the best frosting and none of those cheap ass sprinkle shit Wal-Mart and other grocery stores use.

Haydel's bakery and Randazzo's are the ONLY places to get king cakes from in New Orleans/Metairie.

**born and raised in a small town outside New Orleans, about 30 minutes or so**

Heaven is a Cupcake said...

I'm so hiding plastic babies in all my cakes from now on. Most definitely not hazardous in anyway...

Anonymous said...

In French parts of Europe they have a Galette du Rois, which celebrates the arrival of the 3 Kings to visit Baby Jesus. While tasty, it is no where near as colorful. It does have a hidden bean in the centre, and the person who finds it makes is King/Queen for the day and makes the one the following year.

Andrea Cook - Canadian

Donna said...

Just salivating over the thought of the cinnamony gooey goodness that is a true King Cake! (Oh, and I got the baby this year!)

Anonymous said...

"Cajuns are descendants of French-Canadians that were forced to leave Canada and who settled in the bayous of south Louisiana."

This is mostly right, except for the part of "French Canadians". When you say "French Canadians" in the maritimes, you get people spitting and cursing the Quebecqois. The people who the Cajuns are decended from are the Acadians, who are their own diverse group of people, and the only people who have a flag without having their own land.
And don't you dare make the mistake of calling an Acadian a French Canadian, 'cause you'll get your arse handed to you, lol

Amie M. Trahan said...

Amie T
King cakes are awesome! I concur with those who explained that it is a baked brioche :) However, here in Houma, Louisiana, Mr. Ronnie's donuts DOES a fried donut type king cake. It looks nothing like the crap that was on today's post; they are delicious as well. Don't knock it til you try it!!

Anonymous said...

Booo. King cakes should be delicious cinnamon rolls...not a "deep fried do-nut". Admittedly a little wreckish, but I think we can blame it on the drinking.

Amie M. Trahan said...

King cakes are awesome! We have a donut shop in Houma, LA that DOES a fried donut cake, but it's lovely compared to the crap piles of today's posts. Don't knock it til you try it. Rouses.com can get you one delivered with the traditional beads and dubloons that are thrown from the floats in local parades. Everyone should experience Mardi Gras, in dome form or another, at least once in his/her life!!

Anonymous said...

Traditional GOOD King Cakes do NOT look as bad as those do. And for the record, King Cakes aren't deep fried donuts, they are baked and then the icing is put on. The icing is kind of runny. I LOVE our king cakes from the bakeries around here (South Louisiana). They are more like cinnamon rolls than donuts. Love y'alls site!!

Samantha said...

Have to agree, a well made King cake is delicious. It is NOT a fried donut (not that there is anything wrong with donuts!!) but its more of a cinnamon roll/coffee cake. Very tasty when made right. Not when made at Walmart or such.

I think most bakeries stopped putting the baby "in" the cake about 20 years ago. Most stick it on the side for you to put it "under" the cake when you are ready to serve it. That whole liability thing because some idiot will try to swallow a big piece of plastic and then sue the bakery.

The plastic ones also aren't baked into the cake because they would melt. There was once a time when they used small ceramic babies. I've still have the one from the first King cake I every had in NOLA.

Much like anything posted on Cake Wrecks, someone can ALWAYS totally destroy a baked good. ;-)

Darla said...

As far as I can tell, our dear John (the hubby of Jen) never mentioned Wikipedia.

Aside from that, hilarious post as always. I enjoyed your take on the king cake, which, let's face it, DOES look like a giant deep fried donuts. At least in these pics it does, so good call.

Oldish Lady said...

Never had a King Cake, and I'm not likely to get to NO during the right season, so I looked them up.

I liked the looks of this one found via Google:

http://www.sweetsadiesbaking.com/2009/02/king-cake-for-mardi-gras.html

None of the others rang my chimes, though. However, I like anything baked with cream cheese and fruit filling, so yum.

Anonymous said...

Goodness! I was surprised reading through these comments. Who knew Louisianans were so touchy? They're almost as bad as those humorless Canadians.

(I should probably make it explicit for the sake of the named parties that this comment is meant in a thoroughly lighthearted and joking manner... ;) )

It's cake. It's a humor website. Not a dissertation on the cultural meanings, social uses and varieties of King Cakes. Just enjoy the wreckiness and relax!

--kate

Terry said...

I have to LOL at all the people getting upset over the "offensive" commentary. I'm pretty sure this blog mocks everyone equally.

Not to mention, I just had to google image search "mardi gras king cakes" and I didn't see a single one that was worth looking at. They all look horrible. Disgusting. Ew.

cq75 said...

I would love to say I have seen a good king cake. Unfortunately, the examples in the post are far more likely to be spotted in my local grocery stores. And when did nasty plastic beads become food safe? If my four year old can' t put it in his mouth... it shouldn't be on a cake/cinnamon roll/pastry either!

Or maybe this is one way bakeries train newbies. "It is just gonna be weird looking anyway...so you don't have to put much effort into making it look nice!"
Wv: wardist. We see the wardist ideas on this site.

Ross said...

Yes, to reiterate what Anonymous said, King cakes are not fried...and they are DELICIOUS. If you're a "Louisianian" and you don't like King Cake...then you aren't a Louisianian...hahaha

Anonymous said...

To clarify, King Cake is fried. It's naked. And yeah, some are pretty ugly depending on where you get it from, but some are really pretty and taste delicious. The King Cake from Sucre's is one that is particularly pretty. As for taste, Wal-Mart King Cakes are absolutely dry and nasty, but if you get them from a place like Randazzo's, they're delicious!

D.B. Echo said...

Mmmm. Thise beads and coins are so shiny-looking. CADMIUM shiny! But if cadmium is safe in children's toys, I'm sure it's safe in baked goods, right?

The problem of the plastic baby figure is distressing. Maybe anyone making one of these cakes could instead pick up a baby-sized Day of the Dead sugar skull and bake it inside? Heh...I think I'm going to start doing that with everything I bake...

Miss Pixie said...

Loved the post! I know what King Cakes really are but I also get the point of your blog aka to show how terribly wrong a cake can go.

These cakes look like giant fried doughnuts folks. There's no other way to slice it. If someone wanted to learn about King Cakes and how beautiful and delicious they are, they shouldn't be on a site called Cake Wrecks.

These are King Cake wrecks. They look disgusting-they ARE covered in icing and a ton of sprinkles. These cakes are quite hilariously not done right, at all.

Lisanee-John didn't research it on Wikipedia, another poster (@11:15) looked at wikipedia and saw a picture of a King Cake.

Stop being spoilsports and have fun. It's a silly blog about badly done cakes.

This is just like The Great Daisy debacle when everyone insisted upon telling everyone what the flowers really were. These are JOKES people.

Anonymous said...

A King Cake... made the CORRECT and traditional way is very delicious and looks great too.... and it's not a fried doughnut. Sadly too many bakeries try to pass off a very bad replicas of the King Cake. To get a really good one, you have to get it from a good bakery in Mobile or New Orleans... you know the Mardi Gras capitals, where they know how to make one. Oh, and there are NO sprinkles, it's icing and colored sugar. I'm not a professional baker, but I plan on making one for my family tomorrow to celebrate, without the baby of course!

Kay said...

The best king cakes in the world (the real thing) is made in Picayune, MS. Paul's Pastry. Pauls is the only king cake I will eat.

For a nice fee, they will over night them to you.

www.paulspastry.com

Catherine said...

As for the chocolate king cakes called "Zulu" (which this New Orleans resident has never seen)--wouldn't merit a blink here. Zulu is one of the best parading krewes--one of everyone's favorites, purveyors of much-prized gilded coconut. It was started over 100 years ago as a satirical all African-American krewe that mocked both racist stereotypes and traditions of the upper classes who defined Mardi Gras parading. They still dress in blackface (although there are now quite a few non-black people who now parade with them) and dress up in exaggerated "African tribal" themed costumes. I think naming a chocolate king cake "Zulu" is pretty appropriate.

Jabby said...

Wow, so much controversy over cake! Cajun king cakes are, indeed, deep fried, while traditional king cakes are more like a cinnamon roll.

Can we at least all agree these king cakes are wrecks? Isn't that why we all come here? Think of the wrecks people!!

Anonymous said...

Actually, in Baton Rouge Thee Heavenly Donut does a good deep-fat fried king cake as well. I do want to point out that these are a NEW invention, not the tried-and-true method.

Also, if you're in the area, The Coffee Bean on Coursey makes a decent low-calorie version that is available (sans Mardi Gras colors) all year round by special request!

Anonymous said...

The baby on top of the King Cake is due to the fact that the sellers have to either put a printed disclaimer or have the inedible object in plain sight. Many choose not to pay for labels or specially printed boxes, so they just put the baby on top.
Like any other baked good, you can get an excellent King Cake or a horrible one.

Jaspirita said...

Gambino's makes some of the best King Cakes ^_^ And they ship them all over the USA, overnight I believe. Order one and see that they can be delicious!

http://www.gambinos.com

mel said...

Let them eat cake....and a small baby....yum....

ewinbee said...

TRUE STORY:

A friend of mine celebrated her birthday at a local restaurant with a bunch of friends, including yours truly. She purchased a King Cake for the occasion because of a happy (or possibly tragic) confluence of dates... and we chowed down. Carefully. Because, you know, of the inedible baby and all.

We sliced up half the cake, and none of us had the baby. Well, then. That wouldn't stand! We had no King or Queen! We had to find the baby.

So we sliced the rest of the cake, but our knife hit no babies, edible or otherwise.

Cut to:

Myself and one other highly obsessively like-minded individual stabbing the cake frantically with the knife-tip and shrieking, "WHERE'S THE FREAKING BABY?? THIS CAKE HAS NO BABY! IT'S BABY-LESS!"

Anyway, King Cake! Fun!

(It was actually an okay cake, but the encrusted sugar on top STILL makes my teeth ache.)

Lauren said...

Threat level red is my favorite part of this post :) Love, love, love it. Thanks for a guaranteed laugh every day!

Lissanee said...

John deleted his comment where he quoted wilkipedia.

Jen Marie said...

what do you mean a king cake isnt deep fried, cajun and tastes bad. i was looking forward to it ;)

so in the comments people are saying they look like toilet seats which just strengthens my thoughts that you made a poop joke on the last cake. and it made my day.

Morgan said...

I saw the first one in the box of the second picture in the day old section of our grocery store just 20 minutes ago ... scout's honor! I would have been horrified, but because I had started my day this way :) I was only amused. FYI ... I passed and wasn't lured in with the Manager's Special tag. That's a lot of sugar for $1.75, though.

Anonymous said...

The company I work for is originally from Louisiana (but now in Texas) and they shove everything LA down our throats. This time of year, we get KC's daily around here, shipped from various bakeries in NOLA, and I have yet to taste one that made me want to give up my diet plan or smear it all over my body in pleasure. I'll take a Cinnabon roll over a KC any day of the week. Maybe it's an LA thing, but this Texan baker thinks its crap.

Kiraela said...

The first time I saw a rack of different flavored king cakes, it was 7AM in a very-christian donut shop, and I hadn't slept for three days. I was reading the list in my head... 'Cinnamon, strawberry, Zulu, cream cheese... Wait, Zulu? Cannibal king cake??'

It was only when I saw the shocked look on the poor old churchladies' faces that I realized I'd said it out loud.

Tara said...

Guys. Guys. Get over it, king cakes (even "REAL" ones) are ugly.

Case in point: The executive director of our organization visited New Orleans, and during his visit, purchased a king cake for our party from a very legit bakery that supposedly specialized in these ugly things. It was hideous. And actually, not that good. Who wants a room-temp frosted & sprinkled cinnamon roll when they can have a piece of chocolate cake, or a cookie?

Marylène said...

The King Cake obviously takes a lot after the French Galette des Rois (the name could be translated as King's cake). They used to put some ceramic or metallic figurines in it - a baby, a silver coin, etc... Sometimes the figurines were used for fortune-telling.

From a Canadian and Québécoise ;-)

Krusho said...

I'm already in the bunker (aka Epcot fallout shelter) and I've brought a couple of bottles!

Who's with me? Who's bringing the...King Cake? heh.

This is as close as we get to Mardi Gras in North Idaho. ;)

Maureen said...

These were hilarious - especially the face-down baby one -- ROTFL!!! And I have had AUTHENTIC King Cake and I still think it is just..... ok. Only because of the frosting.

Broken said...

well they taste good! i should know, i live in louisiana. but if you eat tons upon tons of the sprinkly ones, youre sure to become sick. aka we had a king cake at school and it was NOT PRETTY. lol

SunKrux said...

I love that some of the responders to this post have seemingly forgotten that this blog is called "Cake WRECKS" as in they're poking fun at the horrible cakes. I highly doubt that anyone associated with the blog set out to offend anyone.

Some people need to get over themselves and get a sense of humor.

LOL

Major Mom said...

Fun fun post! More fun to read the comments! I am a military girl whose first assignment happened to be Louisiana! I LOVED getting to taste all the local bakeries' King Cakes, and finding the baby baked inside! Expect to have some King Cake every day for 2 weeks, with each baby-biter having to bring in the next one the following day.

When the Air Force sent me to Korea, I even mail-ordered a King Cake/Mardi Gras party in a box from a Lafayette, LA bakery. Most awesome!

A couple weeks ago I traveled from my new current home near Pensacola, FL up to Omaha for some AF work and decided to hand-carry some King Cakes with me to share with my friends. It was fun to share in a great Southern US tradition for the first time in over 10 years.

I was saddened to learn that (a) the local Publix grocery stores weren't even allowed to put the baby inside the cake anymore, instead taping it to the box in a small zip-top bag and (b) with the introduction of food-coloring-spray, the traditionally-decorated king cakes are harder and harder to come by. The 3 cakes I carried up to Nebraska looked like the ones pictured here.

5'5 150lb Caucasian female, mid-30's said...

THERE IS A BABY IN THE CAKE.... now give me all the money in the safe or the baby gets it!

EG said...

When tailgating, we try to stay in theme. So when we played LSU, I made a King Cake. But I couldn't find a small plastic baby in Virginia in September, so I was forced to put a small (naked) pig in the cake.

I wonder if that would have make Cake Wrecks.

No Cake Fo' You! said...

OMG those were the most unappetizing King Cakes I have ever seen... don't worry, I will not be eating any of those... HIDEOUS! *gagging a bit*

Susan said...

OMGosh people. This is cake WRECKS.

Jen & co. make jokes about every kind of cake there is...so perhaps she was:

JUST MAKING A JOKE???

Gimme a break. Whether the REAL king cakes are delicious is not the point. These examples are gross.

Roland said...

Don't insult Wikipedia. If you know there's inaccurate information on a page there, it is YOUR fault. Fix it.

Laura47 said...

I miss the king cake in the office days from when I lived in New Orleans, when whoever got the baby would proceed to hide it back into the cake so the last poor sucker to take a piece got it. And those were GOOD king cakes, too, with truly heavenly fillings and baked to perfection.

However, even in NOLA, you could buy Cake Wrecks-worthy king cakes at places like Wal-Mart (ptui!). They're as easy to do badly as well, alas.

SoupAddict Karen said...

Okay, I admit I stopped by just because of the level red warning. There's nothing like a good King Cake fight, is my philosophy.

I'm surprised no one's mentioned the pecan. Above the Ohio River line, we lawyer-saturated Northerners replace the plastic baby with a pecan (inside the cake), on the theory, I suppose, that death by unexpected nut anaphylaxis is more organic (read, natural) than death by plastic asphyxiation, and is easier to defend against. ("Hey, he didn't ask if there were nuts in it, did he?")

Anonymous said...

Did a whole bunch of people miss the point about what this blog is about? Geez, and you think us Canadians are touchy! Although I have to agree about the French-Canadian versus Acadian thing, but I missed that as I was laughing too hard at the melted icing with naked babies draped with mardi gras beads! lol

Andrea - A Canadian, from the Maritimes (which doesn't include Newfoundland, but does include Acadians, of which I am not one, but living in Ontario : )

Anonymous said...

I ate a slice of king cake last Mardi Gras...but let me tell you it looked a lot better than those :O :) btw...my word verification: EXPANDY <- what the heck?

Holly said...

Poor Jen & John,
Just trying to make the world a happier place. LOL!! I enjoyed your post today (and every day). Thanks for making me laugh!!

Anonymous said...

As a cajun, every word of that is 100% and that's half the fun of the king cake tradition. :D

Stephanie said...

I was snickering until I got to the very end of the post and saw the Kermit flail. Then I cracked up. :D

As for the cakes, I'm getting a stomachache just LOOKING at all that sugar! o_O

MooseNuggette said...

That last one looks like a Unicorn's colon. Festive!

Ellen said...

Could be worse -- could be a King CCC:

http://ep.yimg.com/ca/I/pbjinc_2144_1166764

And yes, they call it just that, and include the baby warning:

>>Mardi Gras Cupcakes Cake: One dozen of our Mardi Gras cupcakes frosted together to form our version of the King Cake. CAUTION:One cupcake will contain a big plastic baby.<<

Not just a plastic baby, but a BIG plastic baby!

wv: stings

Ow -- the Epcot over King Cakes really stings!

Ellen said...

Forgot to ask, in my previous post -- if a boob cake goes by, does the king cake throw those beads?

Glad I decided to post again, just because the wv is . . . (may I have a drum roll please?) . . . icing!

How often does that happen?

Angela K said...

Mmmmmmmmm.....king cake.


I had some home-made cream cheese king cake Friday night at a friend's house and now I want more.

It was way prettier than the ones people get from grocery stores.



Mmmmmmmm.....

Libby said...

Okay, so i HAD to go read the comments after reading the truly epic "Epcot threat level at RED" comment. The "Kermit flail" almost made me choke on my chewing gum.

Well, i am impressed at how many people DID NOT GET the deep-fried donut joke. Wow, guys. Like John and Jen, who have a CAKE BLOG, don't know what a King Cake is. Holy Toledo. I am equally impressed by how many people proceed to comment on the Epcoters... so I had to add my own.

...Naked babies in cakes?!?! I'd just adjusted to the carrot jockeys ON TOP OF the cakes...

Spickens said...

KING CAKE IS NOT FRIED.

Anonymous said...

"there is a baby in the cake" reminded me of The Walking Dead's first episode:

DONT OPEN. DEAD INSIDE

BADKarma! said...

(blinkblink)... Eek.

That is all.

WV - ophang: I just chipped ophang on the inedible plastic baby. Call the dentist, would you?

Jessica White said...

Had to come read the comments due to the threat level red, rofl!!

I make my king cakes myself, and honestly the home made ones are the best I've ever had! Just made one this weekend, and it was devoured QUICKLY!

john said...

#7: I'll take the King's cake with a Reuben sandwich on the side.

Anonymous said...

There are so many kinds - it depends upon the town AND the bakery. The best one I've eaten was actual raised doughnut dough, fried, of course, filled with strawberry stuff, generously iced and covered with the colored sugars. A diabetic coma ensued. Most King Cakes are a very dry coffee cake and the plastic baby is the best tasting part.

Elizabeth said...

The King Cake of New Orleans is one of those Southern traditions people actually think are good. It is the tradition that is tasty, not the cake.
One Who Knows Better

Alysia said...

The "THERE IS A BABY IN THE CAKE" one is from Randazzo's, and it is AMAZING. I spent $50 to have one shipped to SC this year, and the entire thing (it was huge to begin with) was gone in three days.

Annette said...

How sad is it that this has actually inspired me to make a king cake for DH to take in to his office tomorrow? Sans baby though, don't have any of those in my kitchen stores.

Some Girl said...

As a New Orleanian, one who loooooves all things Mardi Gras, including (not-fried) king cake, I challenge you to find a single attractive-looking king cake. Seriously, even Sucre, which makes the most beautiful sophisticated professional glittery desserts, can't make a truly fancy-looking king cake.

I think king cakes are like the overalls of baked-goods: you just can't dress them up.

Sarah said...

Since first becoming aware of them and especially since I moved to New Orleans, I have had good and bad experiences with King Cake. I would first like to point out that the name is deceiving. I was disappointed the first time I had one. I was expecting cake and what I got was bread...but now that I know what to expect, I like them occasionally...about once a year.

My friends and I got a king cake a few weeks ago from a shop down here called Sucre. They forgo the purple/green/gold sprinkles and Mardi Gras flotsam and go with a metallic airbrushed look (which you can see on their website). Even the babies are metallic! I find their version to be too dry for my taste (and the metallic coloring is a *bit* disturbing), but to each their own!

In my personal opinion, almost every king cake I've ever seen is ugly, but you have presented some prime examples here...

canadian-pixie said...

First time commenting, but I had to when I saw the threat level warning!

I'm heading to NOLA at the end of March and one thing I'm so excited about is all the different foods. I'd never heard of King Cakes before today, but now, as long as I can still find one a a good bakery I'll definately be buying one.

Btw, the face down baby made my day!

Joy (born in raised in Ontario!)

Micalah said...

Why would you eat something like this?!?

Anonymous said...

Geeeeez! Everyone getting sooooo upset over a King Cake?! These are "wrecks" people!

Kae said...

I feel like someone has to say this:

King cakes? Looks more like drag queen cakes to me!

(Ahhhh. There. Got the politically not-particularly-correct out of my system for the day.)

TheBunny said...

I made the first King Cake I've ever had. It looked just like your examples. So it was ugly but delicious. It is a coffee cake which means you can eat it for breakfast! Bonus!

Catherine said...

@canadian-pixie

May be a challenge to find a king cake at the end of March--tomorrow is Mardi Gras. You'll probably need to go to Randazzo's or Haydel's or something, they might have left over novelty king cakes from St. Pat's or some version for Easter. Traditionally, they only appear from Twelfth Night to Mardi Gras--although a couple years ago I ordered one shaped like a 4 for my daughter's birthday.

Wolverine Girl said...

An Epcot at threat level red will guarantee that I go and look at the comments, just for a laugh. Especially when the Epcot has been blazing at red for some time, and a commenter weighs in with ALL CAPS :D

I noticed something while reading that filled me with a sense of awe and wonderment. Along with the comments relating to the actual cakes, and what a King Cake is made of/looks like, etc., I noticed a decent sprinkling of Wikipedia comments. We have a double Epcot, people! All the way! What does it meeeeeeeeeeeannnn???

mylittlecountry said...

I'm not sure there's really a way to 'pretty up' a King Cake. We had 5 brought in (to TX) from LA a couple of weeks ago and honestly I can't really tell you how they looked because I was too busy stuffing my face with the cinnamon-y goodness to care (whilst stabbing my piece several times to make sure I wasn't about to swallow a baby).

The layers on the inside were very thin, tasted like a good sweet version of brioche, and probably about 20 layers of cinnamon were in there. Mmmmmm....

We got our own cake home and my husband went to get a slice and he was sawing and sawing...then I screamed, "MY GOD, YOU'VE HIT THE BABY!" Sure enough, he was trying to decapitate the poor little plastic baby, who we now call Al ('Scarface'). What are the odds that your first cut would be slicing the baby's face?

Anonymous said...

Wow...ok then! They accually look pretty good when they are made the right way! Not these...:)
-Madmadmadi

Gillian O'Daniel said...

Whew! Us southern people take our king cakes seriously! Jen, as an avid blog reader, proud CW book owner, AND a NOLA girl... Thank you! This is hysterical! Now I'm going to my kitchen to see how my own king cake compares. I bought the old fashioned cinnamon this year!

Let Them Eat Cake said...

Aww, I was going to thank you for featuring King cakes, 'cuz I'm far from home this Mardi Gras season, and I miss it all. Sorry your tribute to Mardi Gras went Epcot Red...

Heidi said...

Apparently King Cakes are to the Louisianans as Smorgastartas are to the Swedish.

Kaitlyn said...

Wait...
so could someone explain to me what a king cake actually is?


@Krusho, I'll see you in the fallout shelter! Save some booze for me!

Heidi D said...

I hate sugar crystal sprinkles! It's like sand.

LOUD VOICES!

That would make sense if anyone is an Anchorman fan. :)

Anonymous said...

*facepalm* at this entire post and some of the comments.

I know Wikipedia is not the BEST best source, but since this is a cake blog I feel ok citing it: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/King_cake#History . **Please go there first.**

King Cake is (essentially) coffee-type cake with frosting on it. It is ok if you don't like it, really. But, many people find it delicious. The colors of the frosting have cultural and religious significance.

Regarding the "Zulu" cake from the charming commenter below, it is named after the Mardi Gras krewe named Zulu. http://www.kreweofzulu.com/ . Yes, it's a little politically incorrect. Much of the history of the South, and of our dear old America, is politically incorrect. That's why the "Zulu"-named cakes are not very popular.

What are you going to trash next, Cake Wrecks, communion wafers? *Sigh* Have you ever actually *had* King Cake?

Pauline said...

Well you've finally done it. An entire post where not a single cake has a redeeming quality. They ALL made me nauseous.
Are the colours the same every year or will I be nauseous over a new combo in 2012?

Eve S. D'ropper said...

Ahahahaha!!! Wow--I've heard of a King Cake and was considering trying one...until now. These naked babies just aren't cutting it for me without their vegetable seats. Also...sprinkles, much?

LOL. Thanks for brightening my day, as always, Cake Wrecks! :)

~Eve S. D'ropper, of http://wordsfromthehallway.blogspot.com

Promise said...

Jen, because I know you like yummy sweet treats, especially ones that are super simple to make, thought I'd share a with you and the CW readers a link to an easy recipe for petits Gallttes des Rois (mini king cakes) which I made for an Epiphany party one time (in honor of the 3 Kings), although I left out the dried bean "baby". I sprinkled the tops of mine with plain turbinado sugar, skipping altogether sticky icing and dyed sugars. Hope you (and John) enjoy!

http://www.seriouseats.com/recipes/2010/01/cakespy-mini-galettes-des-rois-three-kings-cake-recipe.html

Anonymous said...

This is all new to me. I had no idea that the US did "king cakes". I only knew about the French "gallette de rois" served at Epiphany (early January) which is a baked pastry with almond butter-cream inside. This I have had, and it's YUM.

These doughnut things look capable of inducing a diabetic coma with the amount of icing on them. *shudder* Blech!!

Oh and Mardi Gras actually means "Fat Tuesday" (gras = fat, Mardi = Tuesday) in French. It comes from the tradition of Lent where you gave up all the extravagances of life, which included things like butter and cream, so you used them up on Mardi Gras (the last Tuesday before Lent).

Elizabeth
Sydney, Australia

JessicaH said...

Kermit flail indeed!! That update was my favorite part of the post lol!!!

BarefootCajun said...

Well, I'm going to weigh in on this even though I've never weighed in on a post before and I check this site religiously.

I am a Cajun girl with parents from Rayne, Louisiana, in the heart of Cajun Country. I also happen to live in the great city of New Orleans, where tomorrow is Mardi Gras day and we have been celebrating since Twelfth Night.

Anonymous got it right when he/she said that King Cakes are not Cajun but rather Creole. However, the part about Creole traditions being a mix of French and African traditions is dead wrong. Creoles were French and settled here in New Orleans directly from France. The confusion as to whether or not there are African Creoles came from slaves being sent to sell the Creole goods such as tomatoes. They were sold as Creole goods by African slaves and the two got muddled.

Now lets talk about King Cakes. What Jen and John posted are King Cake nightmares. They are quite ugly and don't look very appetizing. As you all know by now, King Cakes are not fried doughnuts but rather baked brioches. They are also quite tasty.

Everyone around here knows that there's a plastic baby stuck in the cake. Thanks to our litigious society, bakeries have become afraid of just labeling the box and putting the dang baby in the cake anyway. Personally, I will not buy a King Cake that doesn't have a baby inside. It's the tradition.

As for the tradition, we don't eat King Cake until Twelfth Night on January 6th, which is the official start of the Carnival season. Whomever finds the baby in the cake is King/Queen for the day and must buy the next cake. We don't let them wait until next year, however. Most of the places I've worked have a King Cake every Friday. We do love our king cakes here.

I will concur with the folks who say that Randazzo's King Cakes are the best traditional (non-filled) cakes. I prefer Francis' Bakery when I'm looking for a filled King Cake. As for Gambino's King Cakes, they are quite dry and I would rather have a piece of shoe leather.

A number of years ago many doughnut shops began baking their own King Cakes, which are actually huge doughnuts. While tasty for what they are, they are not truly King Cakes.

John and Jen, I think what happened today is rather than just pointing out some really wrecky King Cakes, you guys made fun of the tradition itself and that set some folks off. We Louisianians are proud of our traditions and are used to having folks not understand them. I assume that's why so many of us have come here to try to explain it.

Thanks for the site. I come here everyday for a good laugh and you guys always come through with that. BTW, Jen, I love EPBOT too. :)

Alma said...

Jen and John - great post, even though it blew into an Epcot threat level red! Too bad when people can't take a joke. I think you've officially been "kinged" by this one :)

Krusho and Kaitlyn, you need to make some more room in the Epcot shelter... oh, and since you've already got the drinks, I'll bring the donuts!!

Craig said...

Oh help. That last one looks like a giant caterpillar, not a doughnut.

I'm surprised Sandra Lee didn't lead the charge on these -- she has already desecrated every other holiday there is.

What's the deal on these babies? I had already surmised that they were supplied in 'the pose' (as we naked mohawk baby carrot jockey fans call it), but what is the significance of that pose? Apart from being ideal for placement on icing carrots, that is. Do they all come with mohawks?

Real king cake sounds good -- these things look too much like something I might have 'decorated' in grade school. How many remember the infamous macaroni & spray paint days, when just about anything passed for 'art'. It's the same in these bakeries, where just about anything can be called 'food', it seems.

Anonymous said...

I saw something like #1 at Publix and thought that looked NOTHING like the King Cake I had years ago. I thought it looked pretty bad and thought about taking a picture and sending it in. Someone beat me to it!

JB in Florida

Ladybug914 said...

I only have two thoughts at this point.

1) "Kermit flail" totally made my day.

2) I really want a doughnut. ;-)

john (the hubby of JEN) said...

Anon @ 6:22,

Wiki also says that the traditional king cake is deep fried like a doughnut but I got in trouble for pointing that out.

I'm so glad you all enjoyed the post so much!!!!

john

Janus said...

From what I have seen, it seems to be that at least where King Cakes are concerned, the wreckier, the better.

Mary said...

This is probably the saddest holiday cake I've ever heard of. Why a baby in the cake? That's just kinda weird.

J. Rose said...

I LOVE the one with the hand written note on the lid! It looks like some kind of warning in a horror film. :)

Anonymous said...

"Apparently King Cakes are to the Louisianans as Smorgastartas are to the Swedish."

What a great sentence this is. Well done!

J&J, thanks for hanging in there. Rest assured that the vast majority of your readership gets the jokes, thinks this blog is great, and realizes that laughing at poorly-carried-out traditions is not a crime against humanity (nor against Louisianans, Canadians, or communion wafers.)

--kate

tara_d said...

The "do not venture into the comments" warning just made me want to read the comments. I shook my head in disappointment on more than one occasion.

I'm going to Spaceship Earth to wait until this blows over.
-Tara

Let Them Eat Cake said...

Couldn't resist...

Here's a recipe, if y'all want to try this at home: http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/food/homemade-mardi-gras-king-cake-2454135/

Noo-Noo Shoo-Shoo said...

Anonymous: "As a cajun, every word of that is 100% and that's half the fun of the king cake tradition. :D"

Hee! Ever since I moved away, my dad has insisted on shipping king cakes from various bakeries in and near Lafayette, which is really sweet. But those bad boys wind up lingering a LONG time. I've ended up bringing three KCs to a party and taken home two and half because they're so damn sweet and rich. And I've had atrocious grocery store king cake that makes you want to slap the board of directors.

On the other hand, the plastic babies had a way of popping up around the house, so my cousins and I always had proportionally sized infants when our Barbies married Ken and had a baby. :)

Had to look up "Kermit flail." Love it.

Anonymous said...

Geez - I am amazed at some of the people and the veritable dissertations that they penned for this comment section. My impression now is that King Cakes are sickeningly sweet concoctions and that people from Louisiana take themselves and their traditions way, way too seriously. Lighten up people, it's just cake!

Hyena Overlord said...

blech....to all of it.

Anonymous said...

I wasn't going to come in- I've learned to take your warnings very, very seriously. However, two things caused my downfall:

#1-we haven't partied in the Epcot bunker in WEEKS (I brought Oreos everyone- who's got the milk?)

#2-[Kermit flail] AAAAUUUUGGGHHH!!! FTW

LMAO

-Barbara Anne

P.S. has anyone mentioned a true king cake isn't a deep fried...oh, they have? okey dokey then. :D

Carrie Miller said...

I lived in LA for a time so I feel qualified to weigh in. Jen, can you block these King-Cake fascists like on twitter? You should. King-Cake is nauseatingly sweet, served EVERYWHERE, gas stations included, and the only reason to keep eating them through the Mardi Gras season is to further a wish for diabetes. My son refuses to even look at that mess to this day. That being said "Laissez les bon temps rouler!"

Anonymous said...

I think it was more the misinformation that set people off than anything else. Obviously most of that's been cleared up at this point, but the point (and humor) of the post kind of gets lost in translation if some of the basic material you're trying to make fun of in the first place is actually wrong.

That said, having grown up in Louisiana, and eaten traditional King Cakes every year as a child, they're quite tasty, but it's hard to make them terribly pretty. They basically look like coffee cakes with a lot of colored icing. What most chain bakeries in other parts of the country try to pass off as King Cakes (i.e. the things pictured in the post) are neither King Cakes, nor tasty. They're just catastrophes. Hilarious diabetic-coma-inducing catastrophes.

Anonymous said...

As disgusting as those look, I still wanted to eat them all....that's how good kings cake is....yum..

akprincess72 said...

Krusho, even though I DO have a dog in this fight, I'll be joining you in the Epcot Memorial fall-out shelter.
I can bring pralines (chewy, natch) that work for you???

Anonymous said...

Well, I would say that a deep fried doughnut would be closer than a 1/4 of a chocolate sheet cake with buttercream frosting...

Arlene said...

Lol makes me want to run out and try a King cake. Never had one. Plus I thought they had alcohol in them which would explain why these cakes look like this. The wreckerators drank it all lol.

Ai said...

Blah blah blah cake. Blah blah blah not doughnut. Blah blah blah Baby Jesus. Blah Serious business blah!

The gist of the comments, am I right?

Galinda said...

Wow, things went seriously whacky since this morning! EPCOT level Red? I'd say closer to the burn off after IllumiNations. *dives for the bunker carrying home-made chocolate chip cookies*

From another Canadian *waves at the other two Andreas and Marylene and Joy* French Canadian and Acadian are different creatures, even if they do rhyme quite nicely. And, really can't we all just get along? Sing "Kumbaya" and toast Drag Queen cakes over the fire? Can we have a fire in the bunker?

Andrea J (Born in BC, Tortured in TO, Living in T-Bay)

WV: Scritine - what I will use to clean my eyes with after looking at those King Cakes.

Kiwi said...

Life would be sweeter if only a facepalm could always be a facecake, no?

youjik33 said...

How is this an EPCOT? With the Spaceship Earth thing, people were "correcting" you when you weren't wrong... this time you WERE wrong. I don't see how it's the same thing at all.

Viiriäinen said...

Please, anyone - post a link to a *pretty* King cake, will you? Can it be made with elegance?

I've done some googling, and frankly, for me the format of a King cake with the non-matching bright colors is just wreckiness in itself.

And this is not to say they are not the most delicious things ever, deep fried or baked, plain or filled. But then again, that goes with all the wrecks on the blog.

Anonymous said...

1. J&J? *high-five*

2. No one cares about the following:
a. your childhood experience with "real" king cakes.
b. where to purchase "real" king cakes.
c. your personal philosophy on wikipedia.
d. where you are from when stated so as to validate you as some sort of "real" king cake expert.
e. king cakes.


that is all.
-mo.

Prof de français said...

I love cakewrecks!!!
And, I love King Cake. I'm going to buy one right now since today is Mardi Gras day! No more King Cake after today!!
Joyeux Mardi Gras!

Kimberly said...

Scooch over, guys - I'm squeezing in the bunker with you! I think I'll bring a king cake CCC, since that seems to be the only wreck left off of the list... . . I was in a hurry this morning but seeing the EPCOT Code RED alert sent me straight to the comments. Do people not realize that they are reading Cake WRECKS????? and that John, Jen, and Number One have a sense of HUMOR???? Lighten up people, it's a JOKE! BTW: John, I think we need an alert that would bypass red. . . this one went nuclear.

Bhakti said...

Hey Cake Wrecks:
I take GREAT offense at this post regarding the coveted King Cake (it's not a sin to covet something that you plan on giving up for Lent). Anyone with a brain knows it's actually a King Crab covered with cajun buttercream icing and multi-colored gold flake sprinkles.
Keep your witty comments to yourself, CakeWrecks, or your standing as a serious, uptight food critique hub will be in serious jeopardy. It's almost as if you're trying to be a humorous blog or something.


***Take THAT all of you uptight King Cake Commentors!***

hahahahaha....

Cake Wrecks Rocks!

Lorna said...

Ummm, I'm kinda glad that USUALLY people don't say things like "well, my wedding cake was beautiful and tasted great - just so you know that not all cakes are like this" because I like to believe your readers understand the purpose of cakeWRECKS.

Yes, I ventured here even after the warning. never learn. sigh*

Traci said...

I grew up just outside of NOLA. I never thought about the fact that King Cakes were not "pretty" just that they were yummy. Reading the blog today and the ones posted today ARE wrecks, I realized that most KC are not pretty because the facts are 1) they are not really a cake but a pastry and 2) they are just round with frosting and colored sugar. How pretty can that be?

But a KC from a good bakery or a good baker because my aunt makes a great one is YUMMY. I miss having KC during Mardi Gras season the most about not being in LA. Our Publix no longer carries them. :-(
Which is sad because theirs was pretty good.

Anonymous said...

We don't have "king cakes" in Australia, but, given that we've just had the annual Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras here in Sydney over the weekend, I like to think of these cakes as "drunken drag queen cakes".

Jumble Mash said...

Its funny how all the haters are Anonymous.

And seriously. It's just cake people. Don't have a cow.

Anyways, I have never heard of King Cakes before, but they pretty much give me a stomach ache when I look at them. I think I'll pass.

destinie said...

HILARIOUS!!!(as usual)

PS: If yall come down here to New Orleans for Mardi Gras only eat Randazzo's

Maren said...

Bwaahahahahahaaa!
Newsflash uptight commenters: ALL cakes made "right" taste good. And, ALL cakes made "right" look good. (Not just your holy King Cake.) That is not what this blog is about.
I will never buy a King Cake or make one and stir the batter with my "w-w-w-wooden spoon." --*yelling over my shoulder as I run for the bunker*

Anonymous said...

Did someone seriously state that king cakes are a "healthy southern dessert?" REALLY? Define healthy- because just because something is not deep-fried does not make it healthy. It just makes it not greasy.

Anonymous said...

Saveur magazine has an entry on KCs this month - and all of the pictures are completely unappetizing. Maybe some things just ain't meant to be pretty.

Dave said...

http://amyandjoeysbigday.wordpress.com/2008/09/30/some_new_orleans_tradition/

has a nice looking king cake that's braided. Now, let's all compare and contrast King Cake and Kringle.

Kelly said...

The idea of a plastic baby baked into a cake is wrecky in and of itself, tradition or not. It's like those Zwarte Piet cakes from Holland, yes they are traditional, but it's a wrecky tradition, and it's OK to acknowledge that and laugh about it.

Also Googling pictures of king cakes, and they really aren't pretty. Sorry.

Alex I Am said...

My guess is they're mixing up king cakes with Paczki, which are deliciously deep-fried calorie-laden jelly- or custard-filled donut-like creations which are a Fat Tuesday tradition in Polish communities... like here in Detroit... YUM!

Laurie said...

So after reading the 167 comments I have learned that a King's Cake is the "fruit cake" of New Orleans: no one really likes it and its ugly, but you give it anyway cause its tradition. That's why this New Yorker made a chocolate kahlua Bundt cake with a baby inside for her Mardi Gras party. Cause nothing says party more than alcohol and a plastic baby in your cake! Bon Mardi Gras!

Laurie

Elizabeth C. said...

Hey guys, I have a couple of gallons of milk and some cups.... can I join you in the Epcot shelter.

youjik33: This is TOTALLY an EPCOT. Quit being so snarky and eat some cake.

WV: ducil Maybe after some milk and cookies (and a nap) these King Cake history elitists will be more ducil.

Lady Quindecim said...

Whoa, wait...
So, is it fried or not? I thought they fried everything in the South.

And what do you mean I cannot trust wiki to be 100% true and accurate?

Mama Wild Bear said...

OK, after reading some of the people who claim these wrecks are not representative of a proper King Cake, I googled images and I'm sorry but I could not find a good looking KC in the bunch. Butt ugly cakes! Maybe they taste good and remove the 3 lbs of colored sprinkles and you might have something there.

Genny said...

Oh. My. Goodness. I've witnessed perhaps the best EPCOT since, (well...really I get annoyed with people faster than Jx3 so....) last week. My favorite is that there are people who read this blog and don't understand sarcasm. They must be confused by 97 out of 100 posts. This is great.

Anonymous said...

I read this post yesterday as I check the blog daily. BUT I checked it early in the day, shortly after it was posted. You know, prior to Epcot Threat Level Red. I checked the comments today, and have laughed so much harder than I did yesterday.

And I can say as a Texan who has a gazillion friends (okay, more like 20) from Louisiana, um, they do get a little crazy serious about their traditions and stuff, but the food is absolutely tasty (I should know, I'm a fat kid).

And btw, we had homemade KCs at work today - also tasty, apparently not deep fried, but they'd probably taste better that way.

-K-dogg

cutchswife said...

It isn't Mardi Gra, It's Mardi Gras so the cake maker was correct however, the cake was still bloody hideous and funn

Juli said...

It's amazing how many people seem to have committed their own personal "cake fails" when it comes to commenting on the King Cake post. This IS a satorical blog site people, designed to take liberties at anything and everything cake related that is sub-par (but I do also like the 'no par' version listed much earlier). Time to take off the 'holier than thou' hats off and take a good look around for your senses of humour. Who really cares if King Cakes are good or bad? There are just as many lovers of CCC's as King Cakes, but you don't see too many of them getting their panties bunched whenever their favourite cakeage is dissed so wonderfully by the Wreckerators here. Put your big girl pants on, and deal. This site is SARCASM based, the title alone should clue you in, just a little.

Karen Kimball said...

The colors and the sloppy frosting make these look SO unappetizing!

Since comments were disabled on earlier posts, I wasn't able to rave over the "Hallie" peace-cake (I actually thought it said "Flabbie"), or (on the Charlie Sheen post) the plane crashing into the mountain (WIN!) or why the colors on the horrifying "Super Bowel" cake made sense once I stopped normalizing out the typo. :0

~*Jess*~ said...

I had to read the comments after reading the warning at the bottom of this post and then the "Thanks/submitter" area on today's post. I only read about 6 down and realized that people are far too high strung about a CAKE WRECK!! Who care's how it was made or why or where the baby is located, the point was it was a mess or rather a Wreck.

Amber said...

Jen/John, We,my hubby and I) love/love/love your posts. And that people are silly and overly touchy make them that much more amusing!

Anonymous said...

Huh. Could this hideous monstrosity of a king cake thing have any vague relation to UK Crimbo puds? Traditionally, in addition to making he thing so powerfully alcoholic you can set it on fire, there would also be a number of small trinkets hidden in the cake - a silver coin, a silver wishbone, a pig etc.

Crimbo pud isn't the prettiest thing to look at either, but served with brandy cream is is rather yummy.

Anonymous said...

Man, everyone is saying king cakes are way nicer than this post portrays but...

http://www.google.co.uk/images?hl=en&safe=off&client=firefox-a&rls=org.mozilla:en-GB:official&q=king+cake&um=1&ie=UTF-8&source=univ&sa=X&ei=0sZ2TanQDsvOsgbNxqT1BA&ved=0CEIQsAQ&biw=1600&bih=708

My googlefu only turned up ugly stuff. Where are all the good ones hiding?

Anonymous said...

I think you all seem to be missing the point. I'm sure King Cake is a delightful baked brioche loving covered with coloured sugars and so on... but this is King Cake Wrecks and they look exactly like a deep fried donut covered in unicorn vomit

vmdesign said...

In all these Epbot Level Red comments no one even MENTIONS that Mardi Gras has its roots in Mobile, AL--NOT in NOLA as it is commonly believed. Come on, people!

:)

Jen and John: You are amazing for constantly dealing with so many people who cannot tell a joke on a site full of jokes. I guess it just makes it all the more laughable!

Knell said...

"Perhaps I simply have a revolting imagination, but that last image suggests the large intestine of a plastic circus clown. Brrr.

Mjx"

Mjx, everything you just said proves that you know nothing about plastic circus clowns. The very notion that their large intestines are anything but delightfully decorated factories of colorful fun is abhorrent to me and right-thinking people everywhere. Also, Jen (AND John) are to blame somehow for perpetuating such false ideas.

Carolyn said...

When I saw the warning that we were at Epcot Threat Level Red, I thought I had to read the comments.

People, this is beyond Red. We need a new, INFRARED LEVEL to describe 180 comments, 95% of which do not understand that they are reading a HUMOR BLOG.

WV: lityp You guys just need to lityp a little!

orangechick1 said...

So KC are a lovely baked cinnamon type ring and aparently delish... but I work at a Grocery Store and if they were to have me make a KC guess what it would be??? a giant DONUT which is fried, point of the joke peoples... lol

I'm lovin the one with the baby face down in the icing, comatose from sugary fried hot mess. lol

Just Plain Kaemus said...

I'm betting a lot of those King Cake babies are wishing they could be Carrot Jockeys for Cake Wrecks!

Ness said...

Some Girl..."I think king cakes are like the overalls of baked-goods: you just can't dress them up."
Bahaha!! I love it!! I've only learned about king cakes after reading almost all the comments. I want to go to New Orleans and just bathe in the guilty pleasure of a king cake. Whether it's cinnamon or a cheese and berry one I saw when I googled it, I would be happy!!
As for what they look like, isn't that a bit superficial? Should it be what's on the inside that counts?? Nom, nom,nom!!

Thanks for another great blog, but isn't that second one Epcot??

Bahahahahahaha

Caitlin said...

For the five bazillion people that have been repeating the corrections that one of the first few commentors made, just...why? Seriously, people. THEY KNOW. Pull yourselves together! We're gonna get through this. :P

(Go on, correct my rather modest estimate of five bazillion, you Epcotters. I dare ya.)

Kimberly R. said...

As a Cajun and someone who has lived in South Louisiana (and eaten king cakes) all her life, I am here to tell you that this post is not at all offensive. I don't know every other culture's history and I don't expect everyone to know mine. And to the person that said this: "And don't you dare make the mistake of calling an Acadian a French Canadian, 'cause you'll get your arse handed to you, lol"-no one I know would get offended by this. There are worse things to be called. Get over it.

Anonymous said...

*checks the date* nope, not Sunday...so I take that to mean that these are the cake WRECKS and not the SUNDAY SWEETS. So, praytell, when did it become offensive to poke fun at poorly decorated cakes? I do believe I recall this very same comment form used by Jen and John (the hubby of Jen) on several older posts, yet these same people were laughing and reiterating the jokes all day...hmmm just goes to show you how weird people can be.

Jen and hubby of Jen, you guys rock. Pay no attention to those with rotten dispositions behind the curtain.

Elizabeth C. said...

heh. Deep-fried donut covered in unicorn vomit.
Heh.