Friday, March 11, 2011

Coming Up Roses

Friday, March 11, 2011

Like love and marriage - or a horse and carriage - icing roses and cakes just go together.

Perhaps I should rephrase that.


What I mean is the two are a really natural combination.

Am I having a seizure? I feel like I'm having a seizure.


A combination of grace, beauty...


...and, of course, cat poop:



And, since roses are one of the first things a baker learns to make - not to mention what they make the most often - you can always trust an icing rose to be the finest example of what a baker can do.

We're doomed.


No, no, I'm sorry; that came out wrong. What I mean is: uh, let's see how they do on rosebuds!

Ok. Yeah. Doomed.


Thanks to Angela G., Elizabeth W., Freidel I., Tiffanie, Christina C., & Ali S., who were hoping to see some icing sleds on that last cake, because they're intellectual like that.
Diana said...

Them's some ugly cakes ya got there!

WV: distaneg - I think I have already adequately expressed my distaneg for today's cakes.

Ms. Blasé said...

The flowers on the 1st cake look like they're made of prunes. The pink flowers on the bottom of the 3rd cake look like cicadas. And the green leaves on the 4th cake look like peppers.

JHill said...

That cat poop cake is revolting. Awful.

And the pink "roses" on the bottom of the anniversary cake look a bit like a certain femine hygeine product.

Lindsey said...

JHill, I was thinking the same thing!

Auntie Meme said...

Blue rutabagas?

A.J. said...

I thought the "seizure" cake was actually kind of pretty. I don't want to eat it, understand, that much icing makes me want to gag, but pretty.

Or maybe I'm having a seizure...

Anonymous said...

I was recently outside of the aquariam looking at the harbor seals when one came right up to the glass and stared at me. Cute. Then I saw all these bubbles and realized he was, uh... digesting his lunch. The "cat tails" on Giovanna's cake look just like seal poo - color and all.
CC

Ellen said...

LOL, as always!

I guess that last cake thinks it would be fun to run a newspaper(and yes, I thought that before I clicked the link -- movie nerd).

Could be worse -- could have frozen peas on it:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IH1PJTY9AVA

Or Ritchie Petrie:

http://www.hulu.com/watch/30475/the-dick-van-dyke-show-whats-in-a-middle-name

Roses said...

Well, now, here's a post I can really get behind!

Hannah B said...

I can see how they tried in Giovanna's cake to be artistic in their color choices. Unfortunately, the yellow airbrushed effect just adds to the cat poo look of the orange "roses." And the seal poo of the leaves. Blech.

wv: unatio - You can keep that poo rose cake. It looks unatio.

stuckinmypedals said...

I feel like there's some joke waiting to happen with the line "A rose by any other name...". But for the life of me I can't come up with it because I'm too sickened by the prune roses. Yechhhh!

Kimberly said...

I like neon pink for certain small applications to make an element pop out.

However, that usage has popped my eyeballs out.

Egads, people, back away from the neon colours...

Gaia Iulia said...

My five-year old daughter thinks that the one with all the pink and black roses is BEAUTIFUL. She says the black roses remind her of the black cat that used to live with us.

Loo-E Loo-I said...

Cake #1, or should I say it looks like runny #2?

Cake #2, The roses were made well. And no one should fight over 'who gets the flower' piece. And they match the plates/napkins nicely. The leaves look gross though (but I think green leaves might have looked awkward).

Cake #3, Yucky blobby chocolate icing. Those look more like carnations than roses. Since when to flower stems look like balloon strings? O.o

Cake #4, What ugly colors! LOL Ms. Blase - I thought of Jalapeno on a Steeeek (Jeff Dunham).

Cake #5, Chwistina? I think the wreckerator has other worries than just roses!

Cake #6, yes, we are doomed.

wv: ptonbo: Dumbo's lesser-known brother.

Tina, The Escrow Goddess said...

We are doomed! Everyone should experience a little cat poop on their cakes, at least once in their lives.

Anonymous said...

Dead flowers+poo blobs= D:

Anonymous said...

I decided to give up cake and desserts for Lent. In addition to the usual laughs, Cake Wrecks has served as an excellent deterrant from desiring cake of any type.

Way to find a cat poop cake to help motivate me to stay on track - that is a seriously grody cake!

-K-dogg

LeftWingLock said...

The roses on the seizure cake are quite beautifully shaped...so close and yet so far....

jbreckenridge3 said...

At least Giovanna got some decent-looking jalapenos on her cake.

GrnEyes said...

Yes, I think I'm having a seizure too and while I'm convulsing uncontrollably can someone stick a sharp object in one hand so I can gauge my eyes out? GAG

Nope, you're right Jen, we're doomed.

elissa said...

I admit it: I looked for a sled on that last one.

Maybe the next-to-last one was supposed to have plums on it...

CookieMonster said...

When I read "We're doomed," I died.

You guys are so funny.

BADKarma! said...

Hey, brown, gelatinous roses do happen... It's the result of a fungus infection. Now that said, I'm entirely uncertain as to why anyone would wish to reproduce the effect on a cake...

Now as for the "cat turd cake"... Just... Ew.

Wv: Fleudge - Just eat it, honey, it's fleudge. No, really, it tastes like choecholeate!

Elizabeth C. said...

The last cake is a tray of precut, iced brownies.

The Tiny Ninja said...

You just put me off tan-coloured icing forever...

KG said...

The second cake is actually pretty well-done. I'm guessing someone requested the obnoxious colors without thinking about how much color overload it'd be.

The third just reminds me of those "Miracle of Life" videos we used to have to watch in health class.

The fourth cake is a Dali nightmare. Something with the droopy cat-poop leaves and bleeding/swirled colors.

drgns4vr said...

These cakes remind me of a birthday cake I made about 50 years ago for my little brother's birthday (long before themed cakes were the norm). His birthday is July 4, we lived in un-air conditioned Iowa so the humidity equaled the temperature. Butter cream roses are not up to the task. But at least they were a pretty rose-like color.

Anonymous said...

Did Giovanna get green peppers or *ack* green carrots?

Amber R said...

Please show us some pretty roses. Those images are burned into my brainnnn.

Skwishee said...

Are you *sure* these are done by professionals? Because then you have to ask yourself, professional what, exactly?

wv: "splinic" - I think that "rose" looks more like a splinic rupture.

Laura P. said...

When, oh when, will I learn not to read this blog during my lunch break?!? I about lost it when I saw the cat poop! So gross! How do the wreckerators not realize what they have done? *Shudder*

SoupAddict said...

Okay, on the seizure cake, the roses might be well-formed, but what are those gray blobs next to them? Slugs? Nothing says yum like black, gray, pink on a cake.

Craig said...

#1 "We stewed up" some prunes and put them on a cake...

#2 Let us pause a moment to remember 'subtlety', which passed into history with the making of this cake.

#3 Because all lines on a cake must be squiggly -- and all chocolate frosting must be applied with a hose.

#4 "Cat *tails* -- I said, cat *tails*." Wreckerators: when 'close' just isn't close enough.

#5 Ah, poor 'Chwistino'. Not really *digging* the overhand grip used to place it on the countertop, either (see upper right hand corner). If we don't know how to make flowers, couldn't we just have used some flotsam?

#6 "C.F. Kane, here -- I want you to make me a cake. It must have one very important element on it, but I can't yet tell you what it is." It's ok, Charlie; we can't tell what it is, either.

Jen said...

WHAT are those cat turds supposed to be???

April said...

Cake 1 totally looks like a diaper exploded.

And yes, we are all doomed...DOOMED...tis the season of Yoth! I fear the end is nigh!

wv: fastri - The fastri decorate de cake, the fastri can get back to cleaning those litter boxes!!

Reverend Ref + said...

The "roses" in the top left of Chwistina's cake look more like vomiting fish.

wv: shines -- After a morning of CW, my face shines.

Tuesday's Child said...

Sled... rosebud... *snort*... I get it!

Jessica said...

Yanno, I actually like the one with the hot pink & black roses... My favorite colors.

And as long as they're cream cheese frosting on a red velvet cake I could totally handle eating that much frosting... Ah the joys of pregnancy cravings...

ladycrim said...

I'm an amateur cake decorator, and have often been embarrassed that doing roses is difficult for me. After seeing these, however, I feel a lot better!

Anonymous said...

Three things:
A. There must be some sort of nuclear reaction to create that shade of pink. Ick.
B. Not only did the cat mistake Giovanna's cake for the litter box, but someone decided to dig up great aunt hilda's lace collar to display the cake on. Gak.
C. if those are actually eggplants instead of roses, the cake might actually work. Hmmm...
wv: regdi - too easy, I'm regdi to hurl after this post

cq75 said...

If good presentation is half the battle....
These cakes surrendered without a fight.

Poor poor daisies.

Morgi said...

The roses on the seizure cake are well-done, and the colours are nice, but there needs to be a LOT MORE CAKE to support THAT MANY ROSES.

I learned as a decorator that your frosting has to be fairly stiff to make a decent rose; if it's too soft, you get poo-roses. :(

Heather D and 4yr old said...

Yeck... my four year old's comment... "eeww dirt!" to the first pic and the second to last one "oh I like blue food, like blueberries."

If it can make my 4 yr old sceptical then why did it get put on the sale shelf??? LOL!

Heather said...

my 6 yo son looked at the blue "roses" and said, "those look like blueberries and radishes mixed together!!"

and i threw up in my mouth a little bit with the cat poop cake. i have 3 cats, so... yeah... oh! here it comes again!

~Nikki~ said...

the hot pink, black, and white roses look like a psycho's funeral cake ewwwwww


check out my blog: nikkiscakery.blogspot.com

Evalis said...

Actually... the neon rose cake would work as a passive agressive cake pretty well.

"Hey, here's your cake!"

"Gahh! my eyes!"

... ok so maybe its not quite a passive aggressive cake. =P

Ai said...

Glad I'm not the only one who say tampons. Gross.

And as for the cat poop peppers. Come on. When the icing you've mixed up looks the color of feces have some decency and don't use it.

pikkewyntjie said...

The black icing roses and trim look like the tar they're cleaning up from the BP oil spill. It's nice to know someone found a use for that stuff.

WV: psynet
Tne Psychic Friend's Network's new, hip brand.

Cloudy said...

Not all the roses on Cake #2 (seizure cake)are lovely--does anyone else see the dead mice lined up along the front row? They were, of course, placed there by the cat who made the lovely contribution to Cake #4.

Tara said...

"Happy Birthday Cmistina" looks more like purple radishes.

Fabbbbulous Mommy said...

The anniversary one looks like flying vaginas.

Sasha (Global Table Adventure) said...

I'm still scratching my head over the poo-poo green carrots on Giovanna's cake... ha ha that's special!

Anonymous said...

I think you are having a seizure... we all are...

Arlene said...

Noooo my favorite flower and now it looks like poo. Lol they must pay for this somehow. Like being forced to eat that first lovely poo rose cake. Ugh why do they do this? Do they not care about the work or what??

Dawn said...

Seriously? the next time you use the term 'having a seizure' to describe a cake...I'm outta here. It truly is an insult and not in the least bit funny.

Angela said...

I about spit out my coffee when I read your seizure comment!

Charmies said...

I am now following your blog. Very interesting.

Rex said...

Actually I'm finding, as a cake decorator, that most of the new hires from pastry schools do NOT know how to do roses, nor do they know how to write on a cake. I don't know what pastry schools are teaching them, but whatever it is, it's not going to be useful to them in their first jobs. Which is why I'm glad I taught myself how to decorate cakes using videos on YouTube - everything else, I can be trained to do on the job at no cost to me.

Anonymous said...

Maybe I missed taking my antidepressants, but each one of these left me tearful and feeling that the world is indeed doomed. Can't wait for Sunday Sweets to bring me back up.

Old Marshmallow

Mary said...

Those roses on the pink, white and black rose cake are actually done nice ...most of them. There are just too many of them.

Anonymous said...

oooohhhhhhhhhhh (epic groan)

"sleds"


ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

really?? really????

AND I DIDN'T CATCH IT!!! (I'm so ashamed)

-Barbara Anne

wv: recalari
when you bring back up your calamari

jk said...

If I could make roses as perfect as those pink & black ones, I'd cover a cake with them also:) However, I would probably skip the globs made with leftover frosting.

Romaine said...

That second to last one looks like something is either vomiting or blowing out snot, ewwwww.

Mo C. Yo said...

I really like the 2nd cake. I love the color combination and the huge amount of roses!!! The borders and leaves are really distracting from it tho.

Queen of All Wild Things said...

I actually kind of like the pink and black one...I mean, I wouldn't want to EAT it, considering I might go into a coma after all that sugar, but it's pretty in a teenage-goth sort of way.

WV: nurge - what I would probably do after eating that metric ton of frosting.