Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Bridal Terrors

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

A lot of brides like to give their bakers a photo of their dream wedding cake, in the hopes that they might, in fact, get a cake that looks at least vaguely similar.

However, as you long-time readers know, this can be a lot like asking Francois the painting ferret* to whip you up a quick Mona Lisa. Some of the colors might be right, but in the end it's probably gonna be covered in fur and little poo nuggets. (The painting, that is, not the cake.) (We hope.)

For example:

Amanda C. asked for this, only in white and with a C:



And, in the baker's defense...

...that is most definitely a C.


Jei gave this picture to the head "chef" at a "luxury" beach "resort":


And she got...this:

I can't decide which is classier: the oozing cake or those water bottles.

Do you think the bride had to spring for those?
[chortle]


Candice F. wanted this mushroom cake:


And her baker's interpretation?

Aw, those Alaska bakers: such fun guys.


Joanne and Elena wanted this stunner for their wedding:


And, to be fair, what they got did leave them stunned:

I would ask what happened to the flowers, but those squiggles have left me speechless.


And finally, Christie D. wanted her cake to look just like this, only with silver ribbon:

Pretty simple, right?

Well, here's an interesting factoid: did you know that "silver ribbon" can be translated as "duct tape"* in some bakeries? It's true. Here's proof:

That's "35 years of experience" right there.

So I'd hate to see what only two decades' worth would look like.


Thanks to brides Amanda C., Jei, Candice F., Joanne & Elena C., and Christie D. for making me feel better about my $80 Publix wedding cake.


*Note: Not actual duct tape. Duct tape is prettier.

*Update from john: Loyal Wrecky Henchperson Shannon S. sent in this helpful illustration:

Quick! Somebody give me a clever ferret pun!
(I love my job)

Janet said...

If you hadn't seen the example photo, the mushroom cake would have seemed fairly nice. I'm sad about the others, though.
Janet J.

jebus llama said...

Wow...just wow...duct tape. *stunned silence* I wasn't aware that alongside being a fantastic holder-togetherer...duct tape is also a delicious delicacy suitable for weddings. Wow.

~Jaclyn

Wv: giness: I think these bakers were partaking in too much giness when they made these cakes.

Sarah said...

These are my favorite kinds of Wrecks. Oh, how sad the brides must have been. *evil grin*

Christina said...

DUCT TAPE??????

I think I'd be stopping payment on the checks for these cakes.

Usagi said...

I do believe the mushrooms on the wrecked cake are just Chocorooms...which are delish, but not decorations for a wedding cake.

cq75 said...

And these wrecks are the perfect examples of why everytime someone whines to me "It's only cake! How hard can it be?!" that makes me want to smack them upside the head with a baking sheet.

Structural support, important.
Smooth icing, important.
USING FOOD SAFE MATERIALS, important. BTW- Has anyone notified Duct tape to let them know of the "latest and greatest use of duct tape"?

vw I'm "mazonst" about how badly professionals can and do screw up cakes.

Anonymous said...

I'm really really trying to understand why the 2nd wreck (orchid cake) looks wet & shiny and well "oozing" as it was termed. WTH?!?! What could that possibly be? It looks like they covered it in Fondant at some point, or is that melting buttercream? Either way...If I were the bride of any of these cakes we'd be on our way to court!

Kati M said...

I am so glad that it worked out for me when I did this! My cake looked almost exactly like the picture. On the one hand, I think it's because it was a simple design, but that first one is a simple design, too!

charlotte said...

A chef I once worked for said "maybe it really is rocket science". You wouldn't believe the things customers ask for on cakes...or maybe you would. This blog shows that there are way too many who overstate their abilities in cake decorating. Be careful what you ask for....

Tricia L said...

If bakeries did not require payment in advance for custom cakes, I believe there would be fewer people claiming to be experts at decorating wedding cakes. No one would pay for these if they saw them before handing over the check.

Lisa said...

Jei cake isn't so far from reality, considering it's at a resort, the flowers are pretty good, it's just a little bit more shiny (the weather?) and not exactly the same square molds...

Hannah B said...

I have tried to bake a few cakes myself, so I understand that it can be difficult to get things exactly the way you want them the first time. However, after "35 years of experience" (probably in coal mining) I should *hope* the baker would know better than to use an inedible material such as duct tape. Also, if someone shows you a picture of something that is clearly above your level, SAY NO and make them happier. Or at least have some decency and submit it to Cakewrecks yourself.

Jenna said...

Seeing these makes me feel really good about our wedding tiramisu.

I actually like some of the originals which is a surprise (I generally don't go for typical wedding cake - I think it looks too foofy)...and sad because seeing cakes I actually like get destroyed is sadder than seeing cakes I didn't care for in the first place get destroyed.

Christy said...

Kudos on the fungi/"fun guy" pun! It helped snap me out of my open-mouthed stare.

Loo-E Loo-I said...

Well, when all else fails...duct it!

Wow. Makes me soooooo glad my aunt made my cake. She did a good job for a non-professional.

Harley Quinn said...

These are worse than JUST bad decorating. Most of these cakes aren't EVEN -- that should be cake baking 101 for a PROFESSIONAL baker -- how to make the cakes' level!!!

Our's was done by a friend of a friend who just does baking as a hobby and it was GORGEOUS, and level, so come on! If a amateur can make cakes level what the heck is up with these guys?

Kimberly said...

When you look at the larger version of the picture, it's pretty obvious that it's not duct tape, but just ugly grey icing.

Ashley said...

That first one looks like a Dalek. That cake needs to be exterminated.

Suzy said...

That squiggly line cake is just horrendous. And duct tape?? Seriously, I hope the bride didn't break down in tears b/c I would have. That's just awful!

Gary said...

Jei's cake isn't really so far from the model, except that it's ... melting?

Pete said...

It *looks* like duct tape, but if you look closely, it's just a poorly-done icing ribbon.

Shannon said...

I was not bridezillish at all, but if I had shown up to my reception to find DUCT TAPE on my wedding cake, I would have lost it. It would have been the big ugly cry, or hysterical laughter or both. That poor girl!! It's good she can laugh about it now. But WOW!

Anonymous said...

Joanne and Elena?

Anonymous said...

It's NOT duct tape! Zoom in and you'll see. It's still ugly, but it's not actually inedible material.

Brilliantpants said...

As much as I enjoy these kinds of wrecks, I can't help thinking how disappointed/enraged the people who ended up with them must have felt.

What kind of piece of crap baker feels okay handing over monstrosities like these after taking (what I'm sure was) huge amounts of money from the customer?

Anonymous said...

O_o my face looking at these cakes

Sarah said...

I'm curious - what do people DO when faced with these awful cakes?! Put up and shut up? Throw a tantrum? Boy, when I look back on it I was SO lucky. My cake was done by a first time baker, and it was gorgeous. AND delicious - spice cake!
Oh, and Anonymous - why NOT Joanna and Elena? Love is love.

Ann Onimous said...

Our wedding cake was a $35 sheet cake from a discount grocery store called Sack and Save. Not only was it beautiful, but it was the best tasting cake I have ever had. These bakers should be completely ashamed of themselves.

Donna said...

How friggin hot was it to melt that poor #2 cake???

On a side note, I absolutely love the inspiration mushroom cake. How cute! The "intrepretation cake" not so much.

Anninyn said...

My word. The amount you can spend on wedding cakes... and then get these? I would be annoyed, to say the least.

Stephanie said...

Duct tape on a wedding cake? That would actually make sense for a redneck wedding, but somehow I have a feeling that's not the theme they were going for...

OriginalCookware said...

Oh my goodness, I feel very sorry for the couples who had to have these cakes at their wedding! I would have been so dissapointed, especially with the duct tape one, the icing is a mess!!!

stacie said...

I feel so sorry for the brides, but...do these people not ask to see examples of the baker's previous work before ordering? There is no way I would have trusted my wedding cake to someone who couldn't prove ahead of time that they had the ability to do what I was asking!

Anonymous said...

Did these women not look at any of the cakes that the bakers had made before hiring them? I mean who just hires a bakery right out of the phonebook and then sends them a picture of a cake that they want their wedding cake to look like? The best part of getting married for me was when I got to pick out the cake I wanted. I ate like 9 pieces of cake!

msyendor said...

Eh. Mushrooms, fungus, edible rock lichen. Sure.

Fluffy Cow said...

"fun guys"
ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!!!!

*ahem*

better now.

sevenmarie said...

I am thinking the #2 cake was in Mexico (hence the bottled water) so it was probably just too hot and the cake started to melt. other than that it does look like the original pic....

the first one...had the bride not seen photos of other cakes the baker had made? because seriously, that is a VERY simple design and should not be difficult at all if one has any experience!

Galinda said...

Whether it is or isn't actual duct tape it's still an epic fail on that wreckorators wall o'shame.

Oh, and to the anonymous person who questioned with "Joanne and Elena?"... think about it. Then realize there are places that allow everyone in love to make a lifelong commitment to each other, which they can then commemorate with a wreckalicious cake. Nothing says undying love like a squiggled-on wedding cake!

WV: unninge - "Comments like that can make me become unninged a bit."

elissa said...

I imagine that getting those clean, smooth surfaces and sharp lines must take a lot of skill.

And probably the brides said, "No fontant! Only buttercream!" Which makes it so much harder. Not that I've ever decorated a cake with anything other than canned icing.

But still. One hopes that a decorator would have the honesty to say, "That's a beautiful cake. I'm not that skilled." I think that's the worse crime.

WV: wucrose. The type of sugar in the icing used on wrecky cakes and CCCs.

Anonymous said...

@ anony 11:16--

Sometimes research makes no difference in the cake you're buying. Believe me, I speak the unfortunate truth. Just because a bakery apparently CAN do that level of work, it doesn't mean it WILL on your behalf, even when the customer is parting with hundreds (or thousands) of dollars in hard-earned money.

john said...

Aside from skills issues, one thing is that the relative tier sizes affect the overall impression of the cake more than I would expect.

The sawn log cakeboard for the shroom cake is a WIN. The wedding guests must not get to the outdoors much, hence the "Cake" sign to prevent them from confusing it with those "tree" things.

Anonymous said...

Duct tape? Not even a nice shiny aluminum foil tape?? Oh, wait... never mind. It just would've turned out to be covered by sticky icing fingerprints, I'm sure.

Melissa said...

That's... just... I... uh... um... wow. Duct tape. That's just.... yeah.

Lindsey said...

Though I've been reading Cakewrecks for a while, and have enjoyed the chuckles, I've never been inspired to comment. But I have to ask: when making icing, is it really difficult to mix up certain colors? The Joanne and Elena cake made my jaw drop with those creepy snake/ killer plant swirlies, but also why didn't the wreckerator use black instead of icky tan? Also the sick looking "lichen" on the mushroom cake?? Couldn't add a *little* more dark green to the mix?? Unless of course they are limited to the "tub 'o icing" colors on the shelf at Save n Rave Grocery... -Lindsey

Gary said...

stacie said...
"I feel so sorry for the brides, but...do these people not ask to see examples of the baker's previous work before ordering?"

Most people only get married once. That means most brides have no previous experience in ordering a large, custom-made cake. Someone planning a wedding has a lot of other details to worry about, so naiively assuming that a baker can make a cake that the baker says he/she can make is pretty understandable.
Unless, of course, you're a regular "Cake Wrecks" reader.

TheLandlubberWife said...

I just, just... omg the duct tape look. How horrifying IS that thing!? THANK YOU for telling me it wasn't real duct tape, because honestly I couldn't tell. It's hard to believe that these are cakes from professional bakers.

Emily Veinglory: said...

The Orchid one looks pretty close to me. Sometime I think the customer has a slight obligation to be realistic when they are not coming up with the timeframe or money that a custom cake really requires.

Anonymous said...

Joanne and Elena's cake looks like it's covered in veins and arteries...blech!

Word verification: retern

These brides need to "retern" these wrecks to the bakery and ask for a refund.

Stephanie W. said...

Ferret pun...ready...

Thanks for "ferreting out" this photo.

*crickets*
Well, that's all I got, I didn't say it was a good ferret pun.

Jabby said...

Oh geez. That last one not only looks awful, but it looks really hard too. Yay for stale cake blocks!

Fer-ret the cake, let's just have pie for our wedding!

Beth said...

It's not ferret all to expect a rodent to paint the Mona Lisa

-Beth

Dave said...

The Meiji Kinoko No Yama chocolate/cookie mushrooms are seriously addictive. My wife and I would only have complained about how FEW there are! They no doubt taste better than but are not as attractive as the original photo's fungi. Oh, that and the ferns seem to have been replaced by piping that looks more like severely battered kale.

Anonymous said...

Sorry, no ferret puns, but I know how to tell the difference between a stoat and a weasel.
A weasel is 'weasily' recognised, and a stoat is 'stoatily' different!

Sorry!

Craig said...

#1b I can't imagine how it doesn't become obvious much earlier in the cycle that a cake like this is not going well. Or how the wreckerator, when confronted with the end result, doesn't simply say, "I wouldn't eat this myself, much less inflict it on a customer."

#2b At least this one put some effort into it. Er, why is it shiny?

#3b Those mushrooms look real. Disturbingly real. The wreckerator is the bride's rival, you say? I'm sure that's just a coincidence. BTW, how does this thing rate a fancy sign?

#4b Now let's be fair -- Miss Smith's jr. high home ec class didn't do that poorly on their first assignment...

#5b This one is a perfect duplicate. Except for looking like it was made by an industrial plasterer and not having any roses, I can't tell them apart. The shininess* of 2b is now explained; this one has the duct tape, and that one has the WD-40.

*I was going to say 'sheen', but why re-ignite that EPCOT.

DangGina said...

Never-been-married speaking here. From what I gather (having been to SEVERAL weddings), the bride ought to expect a handful of somethings to go wrong on her wedding day. You just kind of assume that the cake ain't gonna be one of them. Especially when you give the baker visual evidence of what you're kind of expecting? Sheesh!

It gets funny with time, I'm sure...

Craig said...

Darn -- I forgot. The 'ferret' looks more like a weasel. Heading over to encyclopediaoftrivia dot com now to verify the genus...

Andrea M said...

I can't begin to tell you how scared I am to order my wedding cake after reading this blog for so long. I'm convinced that no matter what something horrible will happen with my cake.

pikkewyntjie said...

When looking for someone to make your wedding cake, you need to ferret out people who don't know what they're doing.

Somebody on "Big Fat Redneck Wedding" will want the duct tape cake! If the ferret isn't available, squirrel fur and poo will be okay. The 'shroom cake would be totally legal in Amsterdam.

WV: procac
It's like Prozac, but it's especially for brides to calm them down when they see how bad their cake looks.

Belles Books said...

Oh my. Those are some interesting interpretations.

Angel said...

So, wait. These cakes WERE decorated by a ferret, right? I'm confused.


Seriously though, I sometimes search Craigslist for cake decorators, to see my "competition." I can't believe the pictures people post to "promote" themselves as a decorator. I REALLY can't believe that there are people who will trust them to make their cake! Some people really just don't have it. Why can't they see it? Is it like a tone-deaf singer? Are these people seeing their cakes as beautiful masterpieces?

Anonymous said...

I'm getting scared now. I decided to decorate my own wedding cake. I've done a couple before but both were white fondant and I had loads of time and nothing else to do. This time it's butter cream and I'm getting quite nervous. I may not be a professional but my aim is to make something closer to a 'sunday sweet' than a weekday wreck. Never mind. If it turns out wrecky, at least I can submit it and hope for my 15 milliseconds of fame :-)

Jo

Kender said...

From the look of it, I think I'd be happy if the mushroom cake wasn't mushroom flavored.

diddleymaz said...

we ,(daughter,fiance and me) all just enjoyed these and are hoping that no such occurances spoil the big day Loved the artistic ferret.
why no daisy's?

Caitlin said...

I cannot believe the mushroom cake had Chocorooms on it. I used those once when I made a yule log cake for Christmas, because I was too lazy to make the meringue mushrooms the recipe called for (and it actually turned out pretty cute!), but I did not charge real, actual money for that cake. It boggles my mind that anyone else that used those would. :P

kcunning said...

Omigod! A wedding fail post! These are my ABSOLUTE favorite!

T said...

makes me glad I don't have to get married again - to expect such beauty and to be rewarded with such... ummm... crap? well that's just not ferret all!

(sorry, you did ask for a ferret pun)

D'nah said...

What's so funny is that, just yesterday, I came across personalized water bottle labels for your wedding.

Lindy said...

Who knew how horribly wrong wedding cakes could go? I am so happy that my daughter's wedding cake looked pretty much as she hoped.
I was married in the days when wedding cakes looked just like birthday cakes, only all white with stilts! Life was simpler then...

Gary said...

"Quick! Somebody give me a clever ferret pun!"

What? Are you trying to weasel out of thinking of a gag to go with this picture?


(Best I can do on the spur of the moment.)

Lefty van Gogh said...

I literally gasped when I saw the last one. All kinds of NO.

Anonymous said...

As for the melting cake... wasn't that a tropical resort? The water bottles look particularly tropical, and by tropical, I mean "lower-middle-income country that depends heavily on tourism for three months of the year when it isn't too hot or flooded".

I think overall, that was probably a decent cake, but then they had it sitting out too long.

Stacy Q said...

Ohh those poor brides! When you see the cake for the first time the reaction should NOT be:
"???? - BWWAAAAAA HAAAHAHA HAHAAAHAHA HA HAHA HAHAAAHA HAAHA HA HAHA HAAAHA HAHAHA HAAAHAHA HAH!" I just know it.

Anonymous said...

Are you SURE that's NOT duct tape?
Maybe that's what they were going for? "Screw the cake, anyone can make that cake--WE'RE going to replicate DUCT TAPE."
I thought the squiggles-sans-fleurs cake was bad, but that LAST one just takes the...nevermind.
PS Please tell me more about Francois the ferret (excuse the lack of circonflexe, or, "squiggle").
--Blondie's Mom

Emily said...

D'nah, my brother and his wife had those done, the custom water bottle labels. But they didn't put them on the tables! It was as part of these welcome bags (with candy and nuts, schedule/directions to wedding sites, and guides to local attractions) when you checked into the hotel.


As for the weird shiny/melty cake - it looks, more than anything else, like they poured the glaze you'd use on a bundt cake over it when they were done making it. Which is weird and a shame, because it's otherwise correct aside from width (and that might be intentional based on number of guests to serve, and/or because it's a resort instead of a bakery with every pan size). At least it would taste ok though!


Seriously, how are the rest of these places still in business, let alone for decades, when they can't even make a cake evenly shaped and level, and cover it smoothly with fondant? The first one and the mushrooms would be sweet if they were made by your amateur friend, but not from a pro shop! And John: the "cake" sign goes on to tell you what each layer's flavors are - that's actually a reasonable move, but the elegant script only shows up the inelegant decoration!

But that last one... it'd look better if it really WAS blocks of foam covered in fabric and duct tape! Freaking out about that is NOT a bridezilla reaction, Shannon - the crazy bride is the one who WOULDN'T freak!

Arjuna said...

Maybe the bakers of the final cake mixed it up with their order from the anniversary party for This Old House?

staxia said...

Welllll.

Those certainly are, um.. Interesting.

That being said, there's NOTHING wrong with a Publix wedding cake, and I'm not just saying that because I now work there!

My best friend once threatened me that if she stayed in NH to get married, I'd be the one saddled with the responsibility of bring the Publix cake with me! They've got GOOD CAKE! It might not be the fanciest, but it's gosh darn tasty (most of the time)

Jillymae said...

Whoa, wreck #3's "ferns" look kale -- I *LOVE* kale! But if I ever get married, what are the chances that I show them that photo and actually get kale? I'm guessing, alas, fairly low...

I also love your site. thanks you :D

jillymae

kimberley said...

Oh.. wow... Um. I hope my wedding cake doesn't turn out like that. Hopefully they didn't taste as bad as they looked!

melle said...

Personally I think it's kind of rude to take someone's design that they worked so hard for and ask someone else to recreate it for (probably) cheaper.

Seems like a fair outcome in a karmic sort of way.

Le Ferret! said...

Mona! Darling! I know it is hot in that outfit but it hides all those little flaws! No, No, NO! Don't smile! I cannot paint teeth! Oh, you have no teeth??? Such a pitty! by the artist Le Ferret! On the other hand...hot,sticky weather equals nasty, melted cake! Yuck!

Anonymous said...

Tricia L said...
"If bakeries did not require payment in advance for custom cakes, I believe there would be fewer people claiming to be experts at decorating wedding cakes. No one would pay for these if they saw them before handing over the check."

Yes, it should be more like half before and half when the job is done... correctly.

Katie said...

I don't think you need a pun at the end, I simply read ferret as one would read beret!

Anonymous said...

Oh God, that "C" cake looks a lot like what I requested my mom to make for MY wedding, with the little scallop-y border and the white dots.

Thank you, Cake Wrecks. I'm going to show this to her and hope she can see what not to do (she's not a professional, so I hope it comes out looking all right... but in any case, it will be delicious).

Susan said...

that purple flower cake example was soooo pretty, and the wreck so tragic, I seriously would have cried if that had been mine!

Anonymous said...

Call it heartless, call it schadenfreude - all I know is that these wedding cake inspiration-photo-followed-by-the-disaster-photo posts are some of my very favorites.

Yep, guilty as charged... and laughing gleefully all the while :)

p.s. mushroom cake original = adorbs!

Rachel

Liz said...

These cakes remind me again why I am *so* glad my SIL did our cake. She's been professionally doing cakes for almost 10 years now and they're wonderful. I'm glad I had someone I could trust to do it.

On the other hand, when posts like this are run, I have to wonder how much of the "bad" cake is a result of the couple finding the cheapest baker they can. Sometimes you get what you pay for.

Vikki said...

Another posibility with the second cake wreck is that the fondant covered cake was put in a refrigerator before service. When it was brought out condensation started to form on the cake, thus giving it the shiny look. When I made wedding cakes at pastry school we covered our cakes while they were a bit frozen still and they started "sweating" like they ran a marathon. There's hardly any fondant out there that can survive being put in the fridge. Whenever I cover a cake with fondant, it stays out.

Mulberry said...

The inspiration mushroom cake is lovely! Any idea where it's from?

Vinie said...

So, the "35 years of experience" was totally a shot to mythbusters right? Dont tell me im becoming way too addict to them... But Cake wrecks and mythbusters would be a thing of beauty. And if i ever get married, i think i'll go with ice cream and cookies. Nothing bad coul happen,right??

Monique said...

I'll admit that while I do love me a good Cake Wreck, I also think that brides are often delusional. If you see a cake in a magazine spread, chances are that it would cost you a couple thousand dollars to recreate. You can't just ask some random bakery in your hometown to make it - and not for your amazing cake budget of $500. Most of the decorations on the original cakes (esp. the beautiful woodland one) would run in the hundreds. That being said, the baker should also fully disclose that they can recreate the cake for $X thousand and outsource, or that it's just not realistic from their bakery. Or they can make the base cake and then buy spectacular sugar things from one of the many gifted sugar artists on etsy. Since many do custom, as long as your brides fork over the moolah, there should be no reason for crunchy mushrooms and kale. (I do kind of like the duct tape looking fondant, but it really needs an LLBean boot cake topper!)

So to sum it up: yep, these are awful. But also - if you aren't spending thousands for your cake, it's not going to be magazine perfect. So just get something that tastes good.

Katie said...

Jen that's so cool that you got your cake at Publix! I've heard so much great things about them and their cakes and was going to get my wedding cake there before I moved away from Tampa :( Who knows, I may just have to come back down to FL for my wedding someday...maybe just for Publix alone...I do miss that grocery store *sigh*

Oh and for your ferret comment, I don't have a pun, but do have a Simpson's quote that could apply to the wreckerators: "Weaseling out of things is what separates us from the animals...except the weasels." ;)

Bree said...

The first cake wouldn't have been a wreck if you were marrying a Dalek.

But that last one has to be the most ugliest cake I've ever seen. I don't think even flowers could have disguised the blandness.

Lupin said...

Wow that mushroom cake is gorgeous!! The little acorn! The faux dirt! The ferns! *swoons*

SaraV said...

I would love to hear the follow up stories from the brides/grooms/bridal families of on how they actually reacted and what "excuses" they were given

Rebecca said...

I'm normally laughing my head off, but these were SO bad, and that they were for someone's wedding...woah. I was so stunned, not even the smallest giggle slipped out this time. WOW.

slyon68 said...

I'm speechless.

Anonymous said...

Thank you so much for posting these. FINALLY- 5 years after the fact, I can stop being so mad about my own wedding cake- which instead of the ladybugs I had requested (and even purchased and given them a chocolate mold to use) had turned out to be little red snakes with black spots. Don't get me wrong- the rest of the cake looked fine, and even tasted good, but when I walked into the reception hall, my cake was covered in little red snakes!

Lindy Leigh said...

As the tiny artist, Leonardo de Rodent finished the painting, the Mona Lisa made a run ferret.

Sorry.

Linda V @ Bubble and Sweet said...

Haha not actual duct tape, duct tape is prettier very funny indeed.

Sherri Nourse said...

Ok these just crack me up. No Weaseling out of it!

Sherri N. Ferret lover and owner.

Darla said...

The beach "resort" cake is just the worst! They didn't even remember the green ribbon for the top tier. Not that it really matters since no one wants to actually eat that thing anyway. How do these bakers look at these and say, "Meh. Looks good to me, serve it!"?? They're either blind or crazy...they have to be.

You gotta be able to ferret out a great pun! You just gotta! Jen?? John?? Number 1?! Come on guys, you can do it.

Loriwas said...

Ferret pun? I would, but you backed me into a corner... yikes... lol... and those cakes? Let's just say that I may have to re bleach my eyes after the mushroom cake.... *headdesk*

Lori B said...

When my brother and sister-in-law got married in 1976, they were asked by the planner at the Inn in Massachusetts whether they wanted to have the traditional topper on their cake. They said yes. Imagine their surprise when they showed up at the reception to have a black cauldron like vessel with flowers on the cake. I guess the Inn thought that was "traditional". Hmm, maybe traditional in 1776.

Michelle said...

How To Paint with Ferrets:
The secret is dipping the tails into the paint and trying not to squeeze them too hard.


At least Francois is civilized......this one is downright violent.

http://history.icanhascheezburger.com/2011/02/09/funny-pictures-history-if-thou-pissest-me-off-mine-ferret-shall-bloodie-thy-nuggets/

Rachel said...

Not quite a pun, but how about "Now, there's a weasel at an easel," "who doesn't love a weasel at an easel," or something like that?

Anonymous said...

You couldn't weasel your way out of that one?

Anonymous said...

Sorry to say, but if you're asking for a mushroom wedding cake, then you are asking for it. Eww!

Sharon B said...

I'm not a ferret painter, I'm a ferret painter's friend - and I'm only painting ferrets as a means unto an end.

Anonymous said...

the custom cake store I used to work for had contracts with several local hotels. when you booked your wedding they would offer a certain sized cake for $500 and we would make it. the brides were only allowed to choose their colors and basic design at that price as most of our wedding cakes started at $1200 (in the early '90s).

@Anon having their mother make a polka dot cake- it takes a lot of practice to make them all the same size, space them properly and keep them in a straight line. I HATED polka dot cakes. they are So Very Pretty, however. :D

-Barbara Anne

Anonymous said...

Your ferret pun:

The ferret in the beret can paint better than a weasel with an easel!

...I never said it was a good pun...

Christi said...

The "duct tape" cake was actually my sister's wedding cake. The baker, who was supposed to meet us to put the flowers on the cake, ended up showing up early and leaving before we got there & was unavailable when we called. When we finally did get a hold of her I told her under no circumstances would she be paid the balance owed on the cake & that it was nothing less than awful. She said that the tiers were made to accommodate the number of guests at the wedding (I guess she didn't think it was important to mention that this would throw off the look of the cake??) and that the "closest icing color to silver was gray & that was all that could be done"---also something that was never mentioned before.

I then made a mad dash to the craft store and came back with a tub of buttercream icing and silver ribbon. I used a spreader dipped in warm water & the extra butter cream to smooth the icing and the silver ribbon to cover the awful thick Halloween gray icing (or "duct tape" LOL!) & then put roses everywhere to try to hide the unevenly stacked, same size "tiers". It actually turned out quite nice & we got a lot of compliments on it. Now it is something we all laugh about a year and a half later.

And for what it's worth, the baker was checked out, we still have no idea what happened! My sister actually remained very calm when we called to tell her, not a single tear shed. But she never got to see the cake in person before it was fixed.

I am not Spock said...

I find today's entry both inappropriate and disturbing. It's Shatner's birthday and you post THIS nonsense??? This would have been a good post for any other day but no, you forsake the greatest...actOR... of our ... time!! for this.

Bow your heads in shame.

Arlene said...

Too stunned for words. I would not have paid for any of those cakes especially that oozing one and that last one. Not even a rose to cover the horror.. I cannot imagine what the brides thought when they saw those scary catastrophes.

Anonymous said...

I don't think it's ferret you post these pictures and don't tell us how to get a perty wreck for our weddin'!

Ai said...

The mushroom cake is covered in Chocorooms! They're little cookies topped with a chocolate mushroom top.

Those are awesome.

However, it just goes to show how half assed that cake really was.

Cari said...

oh man ... these make me so sad for the brides!!!!!! and i am a cake designer myself!!!!!!

Nay said...

I never thought I'd ever see a cake having a stroke!

margriet said...

I can't understand why a baker/decorator would try to do an iced can when, clearly, the picture has a cake done in fondant.....
good head scratcher, that's for sure!

margriet said...

I can't understand how a baker/decorator cannot tell the difference between a fondant covered cake and duplicate it in frosting.....

margriet said...

If I can't duplicate a picture for a client, I let them know right off the bat or send them to someone who does. I am not territorial like some decorators around here....

AvengersWasp said...

Duct Tape! Yummy.

WV- Notpa- I hope these brides did notpa for these cakes.

Stephanie said...

I really need to know where that mushroom cake came from. The original one, of course. Gorgeous!

Mags said...

WOW... it's really hard to ferret out a winner amongst these options!

;)

Rachael M. said...

I...I just don't know why anyone would accept a cake order for something they HAVE to know they can't provide...especially for the top one, though, if you can't do three tiers of circles with just dots, you probably do not need to be in the cake decorating industry. I'm just sayin'.

Anonymous said...

The really sad thing about the cake made by the resort is that the bride likely had no say in who would make it. Resorts rarely allow cakes to be brought in from elsewhere. They usually have very limited selections for flavors. Then they say "we're a resort, not a bakery." As to the question of how hot does it need to be to melt the cake/icing, not very, just a little humidity added to heat plus a cake that was likely in some sort of refrigeration before it was moved to the reception. That tends to make cakes sweat a bit.

WV:kookatin- the kookatin enormous number of cakes before choosing the duct taped one!

Pandora said...

Oh those are horrible but that Duct Tape cake- you've got to be kidding me right? I can't imagine the tears, the heartache, the screaming....

WV Bandism- When you prefer ouchless bands to the rubber ones.

Costumeholic said...

I am beginning to believe that beautiful wedding cakes only really happen in Fairy Tales. And maybe on certain cake TV shows.

Kim said...

You know, every time I see these horrible wedding cakes, I always have to wonder why these people didn't investigate the bakery for ordering, or if they did and decided to cheap out and discovered what that gets you.

annaggrillot said...

My 7 year old daughter says the "resort" cake looks slimey!

Anonymous said...

I spent around $600 on my wedding cake, and it turned out gorgeous, a perfect spin on the photo I provided, all the intricate detail there. So I don't think price is the issue here. It's easy and apparently VITAL to investigate and find reviews today. That said, my heart aches looking at these awful cakes. -Jenn C.

Rainbow said...

I suppose I could've used duct tape to piece together the cake I made once that fell apart in the Bundt pan, but that wouldn't be a very edible solution. Icing worked much better as cake glue for me. (because I LOVE icing)

Even if that's silver ribbon, I wouldn't want to eat it either way. How would you cut it? Would the pieces on the edge have silver ribbons stuck to them, and you'd have to pick it off first to eat the cake. I don't really like the idea of using non-edible decorations like that unless they can be easily taken off.

Kory said...

So I'M a pro baker in Alaska and I'm just DYING to know which one of my competitors made that awful mushroom cake.... anyone? anyone?

oustu - I tell my employees - if you make a wreck like these, I'll oustu!

Ai said...

Saying the second cake is a fairly faithful adaptation shows you have about as much design sensibility as the "chef" who made it.

Yes. That was an insult.

SK Foste said...

"Zee bristles in zee brush are from my tail. That is how I get zee lovely brush work," stated fabulous and famous Feonaldo FaVinci artiste' de ferret extraordinaire.

Liane said...

I don't read many comments so maybe this has been said before, but to play devil's advocate: The original cakes probably cost a lot of money, and if you're on a budget, you're most likely not going to get something that looks as beautiful as you want! So, why are people expecting masterpieces when they only have a Crayola budget?? And then complaining about what they get if they paid a Crayola price and didn't get the masterpiece they wanted?

/end rant. Love this site usually but I feel that weddings need perspective because there's too much media out there making everyone think that absolutely flawless, beautiful Martha Stewart cakes are the only thing that are acceptable.

Anonymous said...

Man, those are sad! The one with the squiggles-instead-of-swirls? Yeeps. And the one with the horribly-piped dots? And... oh, never mind - *I* could do better than any of these - and have, as a matter of fact, out of my home kitchen. I will admit that colors can be tricky - paste colors will deepen some as they dry, but you never know exactly how much.

Merry from Annie's Book Stop/Sharon, MA

wv: eckstr: Did they charge eckstr for leaving off the orchids and roses and for the bumply icing?

Anonymous said...

These bakers give me hope that my business might actually work. If they get work then, I'll be rich.

Zainab Saleem said...

Not To judje but sometimes people end up wanting a little more bang for their "BUCK". As a professional baker ive seen it happen many times , people dont want to pay up for the "wow" factor , they go to amatuer artists who tell them they can "definately" do exactly what they want and this is the exact situation they find themselves in .
After all what did u expect? a cake that originally cost maybe $700 to a $1000 plus and ure budget only required you to spend $200 .

Anonymous said...

THIS is a classic case of YOU GET WHAT YOU PAY FOR .

Tammy said...

I admit, those cakes look NOTHING like the picture presented. However, as an amatuer cake decorator, I have been sent pictures of cakes that would run $500 and have been asked if I could do the EXACT same thing for under $100!!! BTW, I LOVE you guys! You keep me on my amatuer cake decorator toes!

Tammy

Anonymous said...

the first one with a scepter and tiara reminds me of a pink caterpillar wearing a silver mouth-guard. they'll tear through rose bushes otherwise! :)

ThatDeborahGirl said...

On the duct tape cake, I think they tried to make up for the disaster by trying to put a tiny rose in that front corner - but even that, they tried and alas they failed.

This is also the first wreck where I was lmao before the scroll. I needed that laugh

Anonymous said...

I feel SO SORRY for those poor couples. :(

That last cake is a NIGHTMARE. I'd sue.

Bettina said...

I have been ferreting around for the right words and failed.

wedding cake said...

i totally agree with the heading as a new bride i faced diff weired thoughts by finally its all fine..i love the cake

The Black Dog said...

To be fair, the luxury resort one is probably only oozing due to humidity. Not entirely their fault

Converseleigh said...

One of my cake decorating instructors said if someone shows you a picture of a cake and asks for one just like it, say no. You will never be able to duplicate it to their satisfaction. Or in these cases anyone's satisfaction.

Anonymous said...

if you look at it closely its not duct tape, just a very similar representation of it. classy nonetheless

fritanga said...

May I say something in defense of actual professional pastry chefs? You would not believe the things I have been asked to recreate and "for 300 people, and my budget is $150." THIS is why people end up with such horrible wedding cakes. They want the cakes they see in Martha Stewart or Brides' magazines, but they don't want to pay for them. A really gorgeous, beautifully decorated cake will cost a minimum of $1000 for 300 people (and of course for that monehy you should always ask to see photographs, actual examples and tastings).

If your budget won't allow for this, suck it up and find a viable alternative. What used to piss me off were the people who were outraged that I wouldn't produce a spectacular cake for 50 cents a head (even though at least 3/4 of them could afford much much more). I would always then calmly direct them to the Ralphs (SoCal supermarket) or Costco bakeries for their wedding cakes. If you can only spend $150 for a wedding cake, expect a $150 cake.

Duchess said...

So glad to have found this blog! These are awesomely horrible and I love it!

TexasBlueEyes said...

I would have just died if any of those showed up at my reception site. Especially the duct tape one. OMG. I can't even laugh when I think of the horror those poor brides experienced upon seeing that!

KarenkInSacramento said...

Oh, this was just so sad. Regular Cake Fail is bad enough, but Wedding Cake Fail is even more depressing. Ideally, you only have one wedding and one cake-- who wants the cake to look like that?

The duct-tape cake makes my head hurt. Are these bakers mountain men? Some other hillbilly demographic? What? :(

leigh said...

I think the green orchid cake was a good attempt, especially if the resort pastry chef didn't make the original. It's just the melty, oozy icing that made it bad.

I seriously hope at least most of these folks got their money back!

Anonymous said...

If these were professional bakers delivering product they should all be shuttered post haste.

One must know when one is asked to work above ones pay grade. One must know when circumstance makes a product unsuitable and offer alternatives. One must always do ones best and if this is the best they could offer they have no business in cake or event work.

It seems more likely that a relative or friend was doing a favor to lower expenses and what failed to arrive was lower expectation.

I hope they were each tastier than they appear and made a better impression at first bite than first glance. Of course that presumes you wanted a bite after a glance.

estelle martin said...

i have alway had bad luck now im no where close to getting married as im only 12 but ive been dreaming of my wedding day since i was 5 now im scared to death that due to my bad luck when i get married my cake will be horrible-and if it is im blameing you-and sending you a picture :)