Thursday, February 24, 2011

You Talkin' To Me?

Thursday, February 24, 2011

Remember, bakers: It's never polite to ask a lady her age.

Writing it out on her birthday cake is perfectly ok, though.

(Also be sure to emphasize the "Old Woman" part; seniors LOVE that.)


Oh what a difference a missing "t" can make:

And you thought that high school nickname would never catch up to you.



Don't worry, Julie; I'm sure the baker just had a "wisp!"


I've been short for as long as I can remember, so I can say with some authority that this is why you should always order the *regular size* birthday cake:

Also, according to a t-shirt I saw once we're not "mini," we're "fun-size." So there.


When celebrating a lucky couple's recent engagement, it helps to say something complimentary:

And also to remember that "monkey" and "lucky" sound exactly the same in Wreckerator.



According to a recent survey,* "Pop-Pop" is the number one nickname for adorable grandfathers. (Awww.)

Guess what number two is?



Thanks to Cindy J., Erica L. & Erin P., Julie W., Gary L., Joann B., & Koby, who are talking to me, and actually do find me amusing. So that's seven.


* Which I just made up.
The Boob Nazi said...

I would LOVE to get a cake that said "Jewie" on it. That would make me so happy.
However, can I be annoying for a second? Lisps are technically only difficulty with sibilants (such as /s/ or "sh"). http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lisp
/l/ turning into /w/ would be gliding of a liquid.
There, the speech therapist part of me will go back inside, and I'll not be THAT annoying person again.

Jill said...

I love that the 2nd cake recipient only received one congratulation. Got to spread the love.

Evalis said...

I'm trying very hard to come up with a scenario where 'fast-rack' is a valid high school nick name... and failing. lol

Also.. why only one congratulation? With a nickname like that you would think there would at least be two...

Anonymous said...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, JEWIE????!?!?!?11111!!!??? Oh, my gee-hyphen-dee! Let's hope Julie wasn't Jewish...

Lizzy said...

The dice one may have been going for "a real money couple", as in the movie Swingers, as in you're so money. Still wrecky, but maybe not quite as bad as lucky >> monkey.

Ms. Blasé said...

Guess what number two is, indeed. Nice double entendre :)

gscistudent said...

That last one makes me fearful of what's under the icing.

Anonymous said...

Made me laugh-thanks I needed it XD

Allison said...

I just laughed out loud at the "guess what number two is" joke. My coworkers think I'm crazy...and maybe I am.

Dharmamama said...

Why don't the dice show a lucky 7?

And, oh, did my son *love* the Poop-Poop cake! He wants to call his grandfather right now! (who, thankfully, has a sense of humor)

Sandy C also in SoFla said...

I was chuckling while reading this post.... until I got to the "Jewie, " and then I was laughing. Especially at the last one. My brothers, sister and I called our grandfather Pap-Pap. I tried picturing his face and calling him Poop-Poop and it made me laugh out loud. And those who are cube dwellers know others around you all want to know what's so funny!

Hillary said...

This is the first time I have commented on this blog, I have been creeping and reading it for months now...I literally almost spit water all over my work computer when I read "Happy Birthday Poop-Poop"

Shannon said...

POOP POOP!! ha ha ha ha... # 2! ha ha ha ha... I'm HOWLING laughing over here at that one!!

Carrie said...

Am I the only one who saw the second cake as saying "Congratidation"?

zombiekim said...

The question is, did the Jewie wrecker follow Sandra Lee's tips for making a kosher cake?

BADKarma! said...

Maybe the wreckerator on that last cake was just letting out his/her inner "Austin Powers"... (WHO DOES NUMBER TWO WORK FOR!!!!!).

Anonymous said...

Glad to hear I'm not the only one who burst out laughing at Poop-Poop. I was questioning my maturity level! :)

Anonymous said...

I have a cousin named Velvie and seriously thought that was what the Jewie cake said. I wondered for a minute what was wrong with it.

Classic Steve said...

Maybe cake 2's decorator (who wrote "Congratulation," singular, BTW) is a fan of On the Fastrack.

And maybe cake 3 is for someone with a last name like Jewett or Jewison.

Stella said...

...say are those OREOS?

Original_Acrobat said...

I actually have a friend whos name is Mini, so that wouldn't be so wreckish here.

Manna said...

I thought the same as Lizzy, that the monkey couple was supposed to be "money" - but then the pips on the dice bothered me (opposite sides add up to 7) and they aren't even a lucky roll!

DangGina said...

Not only is he called poop poop, but it looks like it's written in blood. Such a mess I feel quite certain I couldn't eat it. And that would bum me out more than the misspelling of pop pop.

Beccy said...

Took me a minute on the monkey couple cake, because I was too distracted by those dice. Apparently, the decorator doesn't know that the opposite faces always add up to 7, so you'd never see the 1 and 6 both at the same time.

Cat said...

Also, nitpicking here, but the dice are wrong on the monkey cake. The 1 is always opposite the 6, and the 3 is opposite the 4. So dice can't look the way they're pictured on the cake -- the dots are on the wrong sides. :)

wv trizeu -- the wreckerator trizeu get dice right, but misses the mark.

Pretzelogic in Philly PA said...

Jen - remember, once you reach a "certain age", a good "poop-poop" IS a "happy birthday"!

WV: "herbros" - one of the names originally considered by Cheech & Chong...

Fluffy Cow said...

Jewie? Fast rack? Number two?
Snort inducing post.

Jan said...

You guys are so funny! I love your way with words and puns. I've never commented before, but I've been following you every weekday for a year or more. Thanks for all the fun stuff!

Anonymous said...

Wow, Fast Rack sounds like a floozy. She must have been on the fast track to Vegas. Or maybe she was just an early bloomer.

Julie's cake sounds a little anti-Semitic. insult cake scores again!

Maybe Mini's cake is the opposite of Fast Racks. Maybe she's just an A-cup and being teased.

Now, the monkey couple seems to have a gambling problem. Are we back in Vegas again? did they win each other in a bet at the zoo?

Poop Poop! that sounds like the kind of luck my dad would have getting his arm tattooed! toilet training grandchildren are so cruel. so are wreckerators where English is their second language.

(now I'm wondering if there's a blog about tattoo wrecks.)

Loo-E Loo-I said...

I hope Joan beat that wreckerator with her cane. Or walker. Or umbrella. Or fists. Whatever was available.

@Evalis, the only scenario I could come up has to do with going from a B to DD overnight involving tissues. In that case it should be 'TP Fast rack'!

@Carrie, I saw that too, but there is a 'u', the 't' has a fancy swirly line (~) with either a touch of extra icing or a blue sprinkle landed in just the right spot.

Oh no! Elmer Fudd is decorating cakes!!! Poor Jewie, that wascawy bewthday guwel!

There is no regular size. Everybody is fun-size! X-D

"Uncle" and "couple" could sound the same in wreckerator too! ;-)

If "Pop" is "Poop"...I'm imagining Dr. Seuss' book Hop on Poop, or drinking soda poop, "I'm gonna poop you in the nose!", hip-poop music, Michael Jackson: the King of Poop, eating the candy Poop Rocks or having Poop Tarts for breakfast....Maybe gramps should beat just that wreckerator too!

Hey! I'm talkin' to you too! I'm not the only one here! You can include me...that's 8 (at least I'm not number 2). :-D

Gary said...

You know, "Minnie" is actually a popular nickname for "Epcot."

Momcat said...

good gravy, are these cakes what minimum-wage gets you? Spelling aside, they're pretty sloppy cakes all around.

WV: euirpt. I hope that last cake doesn't euirpt all over the place!

ladycrim said...

My name is Julie, and I'm Jewish. Now I'm kind of tempted to get a "Jewie" cake for my birthday.

Laura said...

Maybe Jewie's parents are hardcore Star War's fans. We will call her Jewie, since we can't call her Chewie. She would get picked on.

I wonder could the Fast Rack cake be for a Vice President on the FAST TRACK?

Anonymous said...

There is actually a gas station called FasTrack in California and a whole chain of gas stations called Fastrac in New York. So maybe the Fast rack wreckator just added an extra break to make it even more wrecktastic because let's face it, the cake is an eye sore without the text even being considered.

Tricia L said...

That last one might permanently turn me off eating cake. It is really unappetizing, between the unpleasant choice of colors and bleeding writing. For some reason, Poop-Poop doesn't bother me.

Gina said...

The "Jewie" cake made me think of Pierce (Chevy Chase) on Community! Bwahahahahaha~!

Anonymous said...

I know some seniors who are quite comfortable with the idea of being old men and old women and don't like people to mince words about it, so maybe that's what's going on with the first cake. Still not sure I would be that blunt on a cake, though. Besides, what the "old woman" really wanted was the last cake, which is made with 100% bran flakes and prunes.

With the cake with dice on it, how do we know Mike and Joann AREN'T monkeys? I support equal marriage rights for all primates so, good luck Mike and Joann! I'm guessing it's going to be a Vegas wedding?

WV: foidif
With these cakes, please a foidif possible.

Mary said...

Those are just too funny. That last one would have made my whole family laugh though.

Donna said...

I think I went to school with ole "Fastrack" herself.

Sara said...

My kids and my sister's kids call my dad Poopaw. Which is even funnier because he's a waste water treatment engineer.

Ellen said...

So, if you call your grandfather poop-poop, what do you call your grandmother?

Whiz-whiz?
Pee-pee?

Then there's Uncle Belchie and Aunt Tootie.

I'm 56 years old -- why do you ask?

:)

Anonymous said...

I hate Pop Pop, Paw Paw, Mee Maw, Maw Maw and any other Redneck sounding names. Of course, with the way people go through partners I guess they have to make up stuff to call all the "relatives". (Getting off my soapbox now).

Hawkfeather said...

number two...heh

Casey said...

Let me just say that I think you are HILARIOUS!! I love all the comments on the photos. I laugh daily!!!!

~Casey

Molly said...

The "monkey couple" is not only wrecked with words, but the dice aren't correct. The dots on a die should add up to 7 on opposite sides of said die. So the fact we can see the 6 and 1 on the first die and the 3 and 4 on the other die make them incorrect. Does this mean the couple is unlucky? Or lucky to have 2 dice that are incorrect making it a positive? Or something like that...

SoupAddict Karen said...

You guys have been smokin' hot with the commentary. I swear I read your blog as much for the wit as for the wrecks. No pressure or anything going forward. Well, maybe a little. No, none. Seriously. None.

Meredith (I made the Austin booktour wreck) said...

My niece used to call her gandfather Pop Pop, now he's Popsie Poo. That last cake would be hilarious for my family.

Katie said...

all i can say about the Monkey couple is maybe they are 100 Monkey fans so maybe just maybe they are a Monkey couple lol

Katie Stark

Anonymous said...

I have to admit that "Happy Birthday Poop-Poop" cracked me up.

Anonymous said...

CW never ceases to amuse me! :-)

Anon: There is a website of tattoo wrecks called, "Ugliest Tattoos."

wv: zismin-Does zismin I can have cake now?

mladybright said...

I'm calling "Epcot" on the dice pips.

I do know a family that has called their youngest child (#6) 'Poopypants' since birth and it appears to still be his name, at a much older age. (I'm waiting for the cake with that moniker - it fits the family)

That said, thanks for the laughs!

Elizabeth C. said...

Anon at 10:50, I also read Velvie

Anonymous said...

Ditto everything The Boob Nazi said above, they beat me to the punch.

Regarding the rest of the post, it took me a couple minutes to figure out what "fast rack" was really supposed to be. I think I prefer that to "fast track" though, to be honest.

Edith Salvatore said...

Perhaps the Monkey Couple was supposed to be a real "money" couple? As in, "he's so money"? Either way, it would've been nice if they'd rolled a 7 or 11 on those dice...

Hayley M said...

That number two joke was absolutely awesome. Niiiice.

Misara Theirin said...

Let's hope that first cake isn't for a surprise party. I can just imagine an 88 year old walking in and everyone jumping out and yelling "SURPRISE!" Yeah folks, guess what? The surprise is that this isn't a birthday cake anymore. It's funeral fodder.

scotprincess said...

My best friends name is Julie and in my phone she is Jewie because the little girl I use to be a nanny for called her Jewie and thats what she became. I have gotten her a cake that says Jewie before.

Anonymous said...

Wreckerator: What? Monkey? Really? Okaaay, if that's what they want on it. But maybe I'll use my best script just because. Pretty dicey there. Is that right? Heck, who cares. It's Vegas, baby, everybody's dice is loaded. ok. Done. Now back to my real job of mopping the floor.

wv: stiounc = It's double-down night and I'm stiounc here and the baker's nowhere to be found.

Anonymous said...

To all the people complaining about the dice being wrong, you are as bad as the people who get upset about the colours being wrong on a Rubik's cube cake!

Anonymous said...

"I have Pop-pop in the attic."

"The fact that you call making love 'Pop-Pop' tells me you're not ready."

Craig said...

#1 Is that a rifle barrel? It would be, if I were 'Joan'.

#2 Several states have 'Fastrack' -- a device that one puts in a car to allow use of 'express lanes'. Those are lanes that are largely unoccupied except when people are paying exorbitant fees to (not) move at the same speed as those in the 'free' lanes. (A love of irony is required to work as a traffic engineer, it seems.) Anyway, maybe the cake pertains to that. Not sure what a 'YP' is, though.

#3 Did we consider that the order might have been called in by Elmer Fudd?

#4 What's in the upper left? I can't hazard a guess. It's embedded in the frosting, so I hope it is food-safe.

#5 Something is wrong with the dice. Just had to get in on the EPCOT...

#6 A birthday celebration coincides with the completion of potty training. Oh joy. Won't that child cherish that picture in years to come.

wv: prevent (really). Only you can prevent wrecks like these. But whatever you do, don't.

Lirion said...

I read fast rack as 'Fat Rack' initially. So really, they could have wrecked it worse...

VK said...

My day isn't done without a peek at your fabulous site; being on the other side of the earth from yours, my day starts with the lovely treat of wrecks sandwiched between gems of wacky humour (or is it the other way round?) and topped with a lavish spread of comments.....ahhhh....truly smorgastartic!!! Love you!

wv: nitissi - the poplulace that loves to dissect humour...

Amanda said...

To Anon @2:44
I'm assuming you've never been around small chilren? Most of those names originate when kids are too little to pronounce grandma or grandpa so that's what they say instead and everybody thinks it's cute and it just sticks. And it's not just 'rednecks,' it's pretty much country-wide from what I've seen. We have a Jamma, a Jampa and a Nini in our family now. Have some fun with it! =)

Arlene said...

That last cake would make me die laughing if I wasn't the unfortunate one having to pay for that thing. Horrid goopy gel like stuff makes it just more disturbing. Poor poop poop.

Chrissy said...

What's too bad is that the cake for the "old lady" is kind of pretty (though a little over decorated.) Too bad the writing ruined it.

KShay said...

well, the monkey/lucky cake had really nice handwriting... So I'm *sure* that was just an honest mistake....

Anonymous said...

Is there some kind of trend to have Oreos (or possibly non-brand sandwich cookies) stuck in frosting piles on cake nowadays? They're always so soggy by the time you get to eat them, you don't even need milk.

Anonymous said...

Also, the dice on the cake are wrong. Opposite faces are supposed to add up to 7.

Anonymous said...

number two ... cleverest. pun. ever.

Sharell said...

Oh Jen. This is my very favorite movie. Now I love you with so many more fibers of my being! And I will join the majority in sharing a particularly good line: "When did THAT happen?!" "I don't know!...somewhere between my vest and my pants."

Anonymous said...

I don't mean to be a stickler for detail - but on a standard six sided dice, the numbers on opposite sides always add up to 7. So it's not possible for the side with the 6 to be next to the side with the 1.

CupPies4eva said...

The #2 joke. Awesome! LOL (literally)