Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Wreck Reaction

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Guys, I think the Wreckerators are on to us.


Yep, while we've been focusing on all the actual *cake* wrecks, bakers have been industriously wrecking just about every other item in the bakery, and then some.

How else can you explain "The Brownie Ball?"

It's a giant ball of icing with brownies stuck in it.

I kid thee not.

Now, do I want to eat this?
Of course I do.
Does that make it excusable?
No, it does not.

Hey, just because *I* don't have any self-respect doesn't mean bakers shouldn't.



Or, if you prefer your giant ball of icing rolled in sprinkles and served on a cookie platter:

Perfect for the children of someone you hate.


It's not all sugar and sprinkles, though. Hoooo no. See, unfortunately, the deli guys decided to get in on the "decorating" action, too.

BEHOLD!

Billy Bear Bologna:

And you thought nothing could make chicken mcnuggets look healthy.


The world's cheesiest gingerbread man:

"Oh noooo!"

Yes, that's really a cheese "ball." Decorated with icing.
Because cheddar & buttercream = Gouda upchuckin' fun!


And finally, for that perfect Beetlejuice-inspired treat...

Pineapple upside down shrimp "cake:"

SWEET MERCY I THINK ONE JUST MOVED.



Hey Amanda, Erin M., Zoe R., Nicole B., & Brittany B., daylight come and me wan' go home.


[Update: the final "cake" has sparked a lively debate in the comments, so perhaps this video instructional on making a "Smörgåscake" (submitted by Marcus B.) will help.

Just kidding; it won't. But if you want to see a guy yelling instructions in "Swenglish" and violently throwing ingredients around, then it's pretty funny.]

KB said...

Oh my gosh. That shrimp cake just triggered my first-ever Cake Wrecks gag.

Liz said...

That shrimp cake just made my stomach do somersaults. But I have to admit that the brownie frosting ball would be a great "my partner just broke up with me, let me drown my sorrows in cake and wine" food.

Ms. Blasé said...

You should really warn people before posting crap creations like pineapple upside down shrimp cake. I'm eating breakfast now and almost lost a mouthful >:P

Amy's Cooking Adventures said...

*shudder*

That shrimp cake is the stuff of nightmares!

jenjo said...

too early in the morning for these. gag reflex engaged

Trevor said...

Wow. Those are just... disturbing. Personally I don't want to eat the brownie ball. However, if it were brownies stuck to ice cream, THEN we'd be talking. Hmmm.. Maybe I should go and... NO! STOP! PUT THAT DOWN! I was KIDDING! NOOOOO.......

Malsain said...

Hey! Billy Bear sausage has been around about 20 years now! And whilst it may be weird, he's not an abomination.

orna said...

Awesome post! Loved the Beetlejuice reference :)

A.J. said...

See, I don't like icing, so seeing those brownies and especially the cookies made me want to gag. And then I saw the shrimp cake...

Probably not eating lunch now. My diet thanks you!

ania said...

I am so confused.

scrapopotamos said...

But.... I... It... Just... You see... {shudder} headdesk.... thump.

Anonymous said...

OMG some of those made me do a double take-shrimp pineapple, mutated bologna, D: but to be honest I WOULD eat the cookie with icing-I have a major sweet tooth.

Jenamarie said...

I think I just threw up a little in my mouth... That shrimp "cake"!!!

I think I'm going to go stare at that brownie ball until the gaggies go away.

-another poster with no self-respect

C.M.W. said...

This post needs a warning sign! Making a newly pregnant woman look at pineapple upside down shrimp "cake" is cruel! Even the cheese ball made me want to hurl!

Diana said...

SMORGASTARTA?!?!?!?!

WV: rilkey - No rilkey - what the heck is a SMORGASTARTA?!?!?!?!

Donna said...

Thank you for helping me stick to my diet today....I don't think I'll be able to choke down the vurp let alone lunch.

Anonymous said...

I think I just threw up a little bit in my mouth!!

Anonymous said...

I can't hear a word against Billy Bear ham- that stuff is my childhood! I loved that damn stuff, would happily eat it today! That last prawn cake was vom-tastic though *shudder*

Jeanette said...

Makes me think of the Stinky Cheese Man! http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Stinky_Cheese_Man_and_Other_Fairly_Stupid_Tales

Evalis said...

@Malsain 9:43

You should work in the factory before you say stuff like that. As someone who has worked in meat processing before, i'm quite sure the process of getting the face onto the meat (and the chemicals involved) would revolt you if you knew.

Danger Boy said...

I don't think they listed that in Forrest Gump.
WITH GOOD REASON! AAHHHHH!!! It's the cake of Cthulu!!!

ravenkatt said...

This is the first time Cake Wrecks has made me feel sick! I thought the cheese thing with icing was bad, but the shrimp concoction just blew it away!

EG said...

What is going on under the shrimp? I see shrimp, pineapple, and a cherry. But what's happening under the shrimp?!

Caryl said...

OMG it's a real FOOD ! From the great and powerful Wiki "SmörgåstårtaFrom Wikipedia, the free encyclopediaJump to: navigation, search

Smörgåstårta garnished with prawns, egg, caviar and cucumberSmörgåstårta ("sandwich cake") is a Swedish dish that is also popular in Finland and Estonia. Similar to a sandwich, it has such a large amount of filling that it more resembles a cake.

The smörgåstårta is normally made up of several layers of white bread with creamy fillings in between. The fillings and toppings vary, but egg and mayonnaise are often the base, additional filling may vary greatly but often includes one or more of the following: liver paté, olives, shrimp, ham, various cold cuts, caviar, cheese and smoked salmon.

Smörgåstårta is served cold and sliced like a dessert cake.

"

Laura said...

Hate to ruin the fun, but when I saw the Swedish, I just had to find out what Smorgastarta is (thanks, Wikipedia!):

Smörgåstårta ("sandwich cake") is a Swedish dish that is also popular in Finland and Estonia. Similar to a sandwich, it has such a large amount of filling that it more resembles a cake.
The smörgåstårta is normally made up of several layers of white bread with creamy fillings in between. The fillings and toppings vary, but egg and mayonnaise are often the base, additional filling may vary greatly but often includes one or more of the following: liver paté, olives, shrimp, ham, various cold cuts, caviar, cheese and smoked salmon.
Smörgåstårta is served cold and sliced like a dessert cake.

So, not so gag-worthy in my book. But those brownie blobs? I'm a fan of frosting, but that makes me want to find something to scrape out my mouth.

Usagi said...

I had to look up the last one to make sure that it wasn't what it looked like...

Smörgåstårta ("sandwich cake") is a Swedish dish that is also popular in Finland and Estonia. Similar to a sandwich, it has such a large amount of filling that it more resembles a cake.

The smörgåstårta is normally made up of several layers of white bread with creamy fillings in between. The fillings and toppings vary, but egg and mayonnaise are often the base, additional filling may vary greatly but often includes one or more of the following: liver paté, olives, shrimp, ham, various cold cuts, caviar, cheese and smoked salmon.

Thanks wikipedia!

Sandy C also in SoFla said...

OMG! Did they really put shrimp on an actual CAKE?? Is it possible the base is something else? I tried blowing up the pic to read the lable but I could not figure it out.

IF so, that has GOT to be the grossest concoction I have ever witnessed.

Thank you, CW!

Rachel said...

Ewwwww. Shrimp cake?!? Really? Would somebody actually EAT that? I'll be gagging for the rest of the day.

Melvira said...

I want that bear baloney right now!! Seriously... I have kids and they'd LOSE it! ;) But I'm agreeing about the vomit inducing shrimp catastrophe. Just ew.

Steph said...

The shrimp cakes are LOOKING at me!! Nasty, nasty, nasty...

JHill said...

That shrimp "cake" made me do a drool-take with my coffee. It's like a spit-take only I was too paralyzed with shock to even spit, so the coffee just kinda trickled out of the corner of my mouth.

Thanks, Wreckorator. Thanks for that.

Stella said...

Must they mix up different types of FOODS with icing sugar? The bear bologna bites. This really frosts my cookies.

Fluffy Cow said...

*looking away*

really? shrimp?

Briony said...

Billy Bear ham! My brother and I used to have that when we were kids. I'd always take the eyes out because I was an evil child who enjoyed blinding innocent lunch meat.

That cookie icing ball makes my teeth hurt just looking at it.

DangGina said...

Noooooo!

I really ought not've looked through these pictures with an already-upset tummy...

Nancy said...

Please, please, please let there be something underneath the brownies besides a ginormous lump of frosting. I can imagine a cake under the frosting with the brownies as "sprinkles". That'd be good. The cookies are inexcusable, though. And I *like* frosting...

Marebabe said...

Regarding the world’s cheesiest gingerbread man, the color of that “icing” is exactly the color you get by mixing braunschweiger and cream cheese, which I have done, and it’s delicious! So maybe that’s what it is. HOWEVER, that would only *slightly* improve this horror!

Loo-E Loo-I said...

LOL Looks like we might have an EPCOT on the shrimp cake!

Thanks for the Beetle Juice reference LOL, but my first reaction was from Ghostbusters..."Mother pus bucket!"

wv: benize: Betelgeuse better benize or the sandworm will get him!

Elizabeth said...

Those shrimp "cakes" look like boobs. Just sayin.

LKT said...

Now I've totally got Day-O stuck in my head. The Stan Freburg version. Too piercin', too piercin'. Would you mind leaving the room? And take that shrimp monstrosity with you.

D.B. Echo said...

I think I love all of these. Even the bologna is imaginative, if still an atrocity. And the shrimp cake...I love shrimp, shrimp with pineapple sounds wonderful, and if it grosses everyone else out, MORE FOR ME!

But the Brownie Ball Cake is sheer brilliance. It's like a four-dimensional hypercake - a tesseract composed of brownies and icing and love!

My Word Verification Word is "hypersa," which is the title of the eighteenth movie in the "Saw" series, where they no longer bother to spell things out completely.

Meg said...

Ok, the Sausage Bears (sounds vaguely perverted...) made me look like the RCA dog. But the shrimp cake...thing? Literally jaw-dropping. Ho-lyyy gag reflex, Batman! I don't care WHAT wikipedia says about it. It was scary enough to make me de-lurk for the first time in 10 months of reading the blog!!

Sharyn in Superior said...

I was doing OK until I got to the pineapple upside-down shrimp cake.

ZAP! All my synapses fused.

Now I know what the Klingon Mind Sifter feels like.

Mary said...

Wow, just wow. I've never seen half of these things in my bakery that I go to or in the grocery store bakeries. I'm so glad for that now. lol

Anonymous said...

I don't see the yuckiness in the shrimp cake! Well okay, I dislike shrimp, but the cake is just as disgusting as any dish with shrimp in it.

The shrimp cake isn't a sweet one, it's a sandwich cake, as Usagi said. They are common in Sweden and Finland, especially in graduation partys and such. If you search google for smörgåstårta, you'll find more shrimp cakes. The finnish versions don't usually have shrimp in them, you'll find finnish sandwich cakes with the word 'voileipäkakku'. That's only if you want to see more sandwich cakes, of course! I know you do.

Mary Connealy said...

Please, please, please can tomorrow's blog be one where you admit you made this all up.

Even if it's not true, I need you to do that for me.

maneki said...

Ok, as a Swede who loves smörgåstårta, I have to defend that last "wreck". It's NOT a cake despite the name an certainly not an upsidedown cake -- we don't really have those in Sweden. Literally the name means sandwich cake and that's exacatly what it is. Festive food made from bread and with different savory fillings, served usually at parties. Kind of like an alternative to a cold buffet (aka smörgåsbord). And it's delicious! You really should try it.

Now, the other wrecks... Those deserve the label.

maneki said...

BTW, I'm not very fond of shrimps so that's probably the part of the smörgåstårta that'd make me go 'yuck'. Otherwise I love 'em. And as a kid I loved to decorate them when we made them for birthday or graduation parties.

shutterbugwife said...

...*jaw drops* Speechless.

Anonymous said...

I cant believe anyone thought the last was was really a "cake" with shrimp on it. It only looks like a cake so she included it as a joke.

McConnehey said...

I am now nauseous!!!! Wow!!!

Three Turtles and Their Pet Librarian said...

C.M.W. beat me to it. Can you please put a pregnant-lady warning on some of these posts? I need more Zofran...

WV: sessesse - Some bakers should be issued a sessesse and dessississt order.

Jude said...

The brownie ball made me want to sneak out and eat one in secret - so delicious but so bad, on so many different levels... But then I saw that shrimp "cake", and I may never eat again...

Stoich91 said...

Oh yum; positively revolting!

BADKarma! said...

DAY-O! DaaaAAAaaaay-O! Daylight come and I wanna go home...

..Just sayin'...

WV - sperud: 'Tis a sad, sad day when even meat and dairy products are no longer sperud from the Wreckerators' "ingenuity".

Anonymous said...

Just want to prove that a cheese ball with cream cheese "icing" can be done well. This link shows a cheese ball made by a lady at my church. We love it!

http://agirlinherkitchen.blogspot.com/2010/10/they-are-to-teach-what-is-good.html

LaurenH said...

Most of these just seemed made of scary.

But the first one... well it seemed made of scary too. Delicious scary. Of course it looked like a hot brownie mess, but I kind of wanted one ;)

kayk said...

Here's the bread to go with that bologna -- Panda Bread. http://www.ohdeedoh.com/ohdeedoh/look/look-panda-bread-091127

wv: thsari. One thesaurus plus one thesaurus equals two thsari. Alternatley, did you see thsari-looking cakes posted on this site?

Katie said...

Bluurgh.

I think I'll check back in with Cake Wrecks when I'm NOT experiencing morning (all day) sickness anymore!

Zabinatrix said...

"I cant believe anyone thought the last was was really a "cake" with shrimp on it. It only looks like a cake so she included it as a joke."

Oh, I've seen this weird, knee-jerk hate towards sandwich cakes (and any cake-looking object made of cheese) here before. I love the site, but a lot of people here seem to be totally unable to accept that something that looks vaguely like a cake does not have to be a sweet dessert.

As people have mentioned above, sandwich cakes are perfectly normal in the Nordic countries. They are basically huge and a bit elaborate sandwiches that you cut with a cake knife and eat with knife and fork. It's usually very tasty and an easy dish to prepare for large gatherings.

Nothing strange about it, in my book, but as soon as something savory is even close to the word "cake" or the shape of a cake, people here start up with the "gaah, that picture makes me vomit in my mouth" comments :) I dare you to look at the comments for posts with cheesecakes that are actual wheels of cheese. The outrage is quite funny.

Jim Todd said...

That "brownie ball" just made my blood sugar go through the roof! lol

Janus said...

Is that a pineapple upside down cake with shrimp on top? Then I think I might just join the rest of the commenters who find this less than appetizing. Or is is some sort of shrimp/seafood thing that's just decorated with a pineapple ring and cherry? If it's the latter, I could probably take off the fruit.

Now where can I get one of those brownie balls?

Jennifer said...

That deli is clearly managed by one guy: the Swedish chef. Boylununburrrnun de sushen.

http://www.youtube.com/user/MuppetsStudio#p/u/15/B7UmUX68KtE

Honestly, I think the cheeseball gingerbread guy is the worst. The only way to make is worse is using pickles for his gumdrop buttons.

NiteNurse said...

Jen---thank you, bless you for the gift of laughter this a.m. Some day CW is a pleasant diversion and somedays it's a lifesaver. I REALLY, REALLY needed the laugh today and the link to Beetlejuice---yes,I'm gonna say it--was just icing on the cake. Thanks,
Terrell

dpotsy said...

The cookies looked like powdered donuts on top! I don't know which is worse, a ball of icing or a powdered donut with sprinkles on top of a chocolate chip cookie!

And that shrimp cake? Horrifying! I think the picture alone may have caused my allergic reaction to kick in.

Anonymous said...

That shrimp cake is just gross!

Inaya said...

SMORGASTARTA? THIS. IS. SMORGA-SPARTA!

Anonymous said...

can you please put an update on the smörgåstårta? it's a very traditional food in sweden.

seeing as how i live in sweden i'm gonna have to go with all the other swedes (and finns etc) on this one. SMÖRGÅSTÅRTA is not an actual "cake", it's just a large sandwich in the shape of a cake. people take slices of it, so don't even think that someone eats the whole "sandwich" by themselves.

-maria

Laura P. said...

I'm sorry but those "shrimp" look more like garden grubs. So disgusting! And what the heck is up with that bear sausage? I mean, how do they DO that? Strategically-placed food coloring? Excuse me while I go gag for a while now.

wv: staep (pronounced stop)- these wreckerators need to STAEP!!

Kari said...

Had to look up smorgastarta...you need to dedicate a whole post to these Swedish Birthday Cakes!

Isabella said...

I could totally use the ball of icing on a cookie right now. It's been one of those days...

Horserider said...

I just know someone looked at that shrimp cake and thought "This is a GREAT idea, I'm glad I thought of it." The question is, what were they thinking??

Amanda said...

I think that brownie cake would be great at a toddler party (outside). Just let them have at it and take lots of pictures ;)

Loo-E Loo-I said...

Oh geez, now I picture the Swedish Chef making smörgåstårta - Börk! Börk! Börk!

X-D

Rachel H. said...

I am deeply, deeply disturbed by some of those. Most notably the bear faced balogna. *Shiver* I don't even want to know how they get the color differences. And the shrimp cake, is that more meat under the shrimp?

Roses said...

I love your blog every day, but today's is especially fabulous!

Thank you.

Eve said...

I'm with Trevor; call me a blasphemer, but I prefer my brownies unfrosted, so brownies jammed in a giant ball of frosting does not look very good to me. But ice cream. Yes.

I also never though I would see the Stinky Cheese Man reimagined in the real world. Even the original Stinky Cheese Man didn't have frosting...

Is it weird that the Smörgåstårta actually looks like it might be tasty, given the description that some commenters have kindly provided?

"Perfect for the children of someone you hate" made me almost fall out of my chair laughing. ^__^ Thank you.

Anonymous said...

This post is really working for me. I started a diet today and I now have no desire to eat.


Ever!

Anonymous said...

Okay, I'm pregnant... I thought maybe it was just pregnancy that made me ACTUALLY throw up on the shrimp cake. Apparently, no I'm in good company. Glad to know its not just me. BUt a shrimp cake is... horrible.

WV - Slyso - giving those kids of your frenemy a slice of the brownie/icing cake just to make them hyper.

elissa said...

I want sprinkles. This was probably not the intended effect of this post. Nevertheless...

Little Miss "E" said...

Ok, the non-sugar stuff looks nasty (although the bologna was beautifully executed)! But I would give anything for one of those cookies right now!
Seriously...ANYTHING!

Bekah said...

Oh nooooo! *gasp* was that a Mr. Bill reference? (*double gasp* and nobody else noticed it yet?)

Oh Jen. Oh John. You were already my favorite bloggers in the universe. I don't know how to even define how cool you are to me right at this moment.

Deborah Ausman said...

SMORGASTARTA!

Roli said...

I was doing ok until I saw the shrimp cake. Bye bye dinner.....

Jenna said...

sick! shrimp cake: quite possibly the nastiest thing i have ever seen presented as food.

Old Lady on the Blog said...

A friend of mine posted a picture of sock monkey bologna on her FB page. I'm guessing it's popular in the UK (the prices in the photo were in pounds and the writing was English.) Not sure I want my meat to smile back at me.

That Mama said...

That Baby really wants me to go get a brownie ball. Really, really bad. :) He does not, however, want me to get a shrimp cake.

Katy England said...

The brownie cake reminds me of The Simpsons, when Homer tried to put his own "sprinkles" on a donut and Apu goes "a Jolly Ranger is NOT a sprinkle. A Twizzler is NOT a sprinkle. Maybe in Shangri-la they are, but not here."

Anonymous said...

I think the bologna looks cute. And it's probably (hopefully?) plain cream cheese or mayo on the cheeserbread man.

Craig said...

#1 Where's the wreck? Looks yummy. Ok, maybe 'looks' is the wrong word; the presentation does need lots of remedial help. But still... brownies & frosting: what's not to like?

#2 For a second, I thought those might be donuts. Extreme, but ok. Then I realized there wasn't really a hole, and the caption was proved... Yes, these are ideal for *those* children. Serve with espresso, just before a puppy raffle. Mwahahahaha!

#3 "If you like sausage (or lunch meat), don't watch it being made." I'm sure I don't want to know how the shading is achieved, but I can't help being (morbidly) curious.

#4 Ah, the gingercheese man. You don't even have to wonder how it will look when you see it again -- how thoughtful! Please tell me those aren't chocolate chips.

#5 I see the EPCOT is well under way, so here goes:

Smorga-starting to feel seasick, now... Unlike a lot of readers, I'm ok with the basic concept -- it sounds rather good, actually. But pineapple and a cherry? Seriously?

"Shrimp -- it's what's for dessert." You know, when you're tired of having all those pesky 'guests' hanging around and want to be alone.

Toriisen said...

I threw up a little in my mouth after seeing that shrimp cake. Oh my gosh. Worst cake cake!!! And there's been some pretty gross ones on here.... Btw I would totally buy the browine ball and give it to my nieces and nephews. :D

Word Verification:stirt: the gag reflex after seeing that shrimp cake

AmandaRuth said...

I love the shrimp cake - it's straight from Parappa the Rapper which might be my favorite video game. Crack crack crack the egg into the bowl... Here! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WTANGXBaRjg

clairewriteswords said...

Billy Bear Bologna has been HUGE in Ireland since I was a kid at least. I remember my mum buying it for us 25 years ago. You can also get dinosaur ones

Anonymous said...

Smörgåstårta is DELICIOUS. It's not a wreck at all!

Adorably Dead said...

I am so glad you said you wanted to try the brownie ball as well. My first thought looking at it was 'that's disgusting!' then, 'I think I want it in my mouth.' lol!

Knit Wit said...

For the record, I'd eat the sandwich "cake". No problem. That Billy Bear stuff reminds me way too much of head cheese though. No way. I don't want my sandwich meat looking at me. ;-)

markil37 said...

ok - the shrimp cakes sitting side-by-side like that look like zombie boobs. (not that I've actually seen them, but actual zombie boobs can't be any worse, can they?)

Skwishee said...

A cheeseball with icing... uhm.. sure? Maybe they were thinking.. cheesecake?

Ohmygod. OHMYGOD! Is that raw bacon hanging down the side of the pineapple shrimp cake? IS IT?!

*gag*

wv: ouzess. Ouzess it's gotta be a *cake* to crap it up with icing?

Mags said...

Near-vomit on the shrimp cake and the rubber, blubber, bear bolongna!!

PS - Finally bought your book yesterday - and got to introduce my husband to your wacky world of cakewrecks!!

:) Mags

★JENN★ said...

I don't really understand what is so awful about the shrimp cake? Is it just the fact that it looks like a normal cake and people are bothered by the juxtaposition between the sweet cake-like appearance and the savory/seafoodness of the shrimp? Other than that, this is really not much different than a shrimp cocktail platter or something.

I'm not a big shrimp person by any means, but this image didn't really turn my stomach. I have to admit that the pineapples are a bit bothersome..but whatever.

Also, everyone does realize that there isn't an actual *cake* under the shrimp, right? I took the liberty of looking up "smorgastorta" and turns out there is what's similar to a multilayered sandwich underneath. Layers of bread and filling. Meh.

Tarri said...

Billy Bear ham is old school. was a favourite lunchtime 'treat' when I wasa kid. my absolute favourite was the same flavoured stuff but it was a circle with a dinosour instead of the bears face. Those were the best days in the school canteen!

brandy said...

I started out at the top of this post laughing at the brownie ball with a huge smile on my face, thinking it's kinda awesome in its own awful way.

As I scrolled down, my :D slowly faded to :| and finally by the bottom got all the way down to D:

American Momma said...

No just no, even reading what was in the "Shrimp Cake" made me ill. Liver paté, olives, shrimp, ham, various cold cuts, caviar, cheese and smoked salmon with a mayonaise or egg base all in one? I like the phrase vom-tastic. That said it all.

Crazy Lady said...

What the heck is that last one?! GAG!

Jill M said...

Thanks for the warning about putting down my coffee first. The shrimp cake might have triggered a mouthful of coffee wasted on my neighbor's hair.

Jill

Anonymous said...

I am a nurse. I have a stomach made of steel. I literally gagged my way through today's post. Nice job Wreckerators.

Rafael said...

That just made me cuss.

di said...

Ha it was only a matter of time. Its comon place for the "bakery" to share workers with the deli. Guess the wreckorator just forgot which department they were in.

Anonymous said...

"Because cheddar & buttercream = Gouda upchuckin' fun!" LOL!!! Love your posts! Keep 'em coming. =)

Linda K.

Classic Steve said...

Reminds me of The Stinky Cheese Man and Other Fairly Stupid Tales by Jon Scieszka. But his looked better.

WV: inattrap = where the wreckerators should be

Anonymous said...

Thank God for Cake Wrecks. No matter how much of a wreck my life is, I was still blissfully unaware of cartoon balogna. I knew coming here would save what is left of my sanity. THANK YOU

Rachael
wv Whers - as in Whers the beef? Its in bear shaped bologna in the deli aisle.

Craig said...

Re: The Swedish Chef's special:

Why did I have to look again?! I was rewarded, though, with the realization that there are also mandarin orange slices involved. Look closer -- if you dare. If only we knew what awaits inside, eh?

Remember; according to Wikipedia, the filling has a mayonnaise base. I note that the Wiki entry says nothing about fruit; while Smorgastarta may be "sliced *like* a dessert cake," that doesn't mean it *is* a dessert -- right?

Call me provincial, but I like to have separate courses to my meals, not have appetizer, main course and dessert all in one. Sure, it saves time, but...?

Jen said, "I think one just moved." I'm surprised they *all* didn't move, in an attempt to get away.

Laura said...

Smörgåstårta is Swedish Sandwich Cake. The inside is layers of bread with fillings ( like mayo and mustard or egg salad ) and the outside is decorated with the rest of the sandwich fillings to look like a cake. Think of it as an inside out sandwich. They're popular for picnics!

HeatherR said...

Shrimp cake? HORRIFIC. Also horrific? The "cake" behind the shrimp cake that appears to be covered in pickles and something else unpleasantly... green. :P Ick.

mooogn said...

The last cake is NOT a "sweet" cake. It's bread, probably some mayonnaise or sour cream, ham, shrimps and -unfortunately- a slice of pineapple. It's called "smörgåstårta" (sandwich cake) and is a Swedish thing ;) You can fill and decorate it with a variety of things and it's supposed to be served as lunch or dinner.

protojew62 said...

Holy Crap! The shrimp strata made me put down my coffee~and run to the bathroom!!! Too Gross!

Little Lovables said...

wow, I am so udderly disgusted.

wv: stoning (this is just too easy)... to avoid a public word stoning, wreckies should go to cakery decorating school

Anonymous said...

Those shrimp cakes are the creepiest things I have ever seen.

Anonymous said...

The gingerbread cheese THING...looks like is was concieved and drawn by my 6 year old! That shrimp 'creation'...PUKE! As for the other items...those are things grandparents give grandkids right before sending them home to mom & dad. (I think I got sugar shock by looking at them. *shudder*) Anyway, thanks for helping me with my weight loss today!!! *grin*

Nyx said...

You couldn't find any pictures of sausage sculpted into a pig? With olives for eyes.

Zabinatrix said...

Haha, I'm so entertained by all these "The shrimp cake makes me puke/gag/throw up in my mouth"-comments that I just have to make one more attempt:

It is not a dessert. It is a sandwich.

It's big and elaborate, but it's basically just a sandwich. Would you be so utterly disgusted if you saw a picture of a shrimp sandwich in the shape of a regular sandwich?

Again, it's not a dessert - it's eaten as a light meal, usually before the actual cake. The only reason that it's called a cake is that it's made of layers of bread and filling, making it look a bit like a typical layered cake.

Is that something that is at all acceptable? Or are all manner of shrimp sandwiches "utterly disgusting"? I thought it was pretty normal to serve shrimp sandwiches in most parts of the world...

[sorry for my long comments, but these discussions here always crack me up - I still cannot fathom why it's so hard to accept the basic concept :) ]

Thusspeaks said...

I think the Pineapple Upside Down Shrimp cake is iced in Ham.

rqw1968 said...

OK ... Some weird error occurred, so I'll try this again ...

WTH ?!! Are those PICKLES on the cake behind the Beetlejuice cake ?

Maybe this shop caters to women "in the family way" ...

Hmmmm ...

:smh:

Tina, The Escrow Goddess said...

The perfect dessert! Brownies stuck in a large ball of frosting, where can I get one? To heck with the diet.

Tiffany Fahy said...

Love this blog, not so much loving the shrimp "cake". And I like shrimp. And cake. But not together. And the Billy Bear Bologna? Bologna is hard enough to eat without putting a face on it!

WV: "Alown" No one should be alown to create a cake made of shrimp

Sarah said...

I don't think I'll be eating now. Those things sicken me.

Pat said...

This post is the funniest ever! Thanks, Jen, for keeping our world laughing!

Alison's Book Marks said...

I just threw up a little in my mouth.

How could you do that? How could you start us off with a brownie explosion and finish with *gag* that *hack* shrimp thing?!?

You're sick...and that's why we love you so.

Kimberly said...

To everyone swearing the shrimp .. thing is a sandwich and not a cake?

That mayo on top, under the shrimp sure does look like frosting. Or it's an absurd about of mayo. Also, there's fruit tucked in there, which seems not-sandwich like.

The sides of the 'sandwich' are also pink. I don't think I've ever seen pink bread.

Gerry said...

I SO agree with the idea of the perfect treat for "...the children of someone you hate". Of course, there's lots of headroom to exploit here... you could spike noisy toys, like mini-vuvuzelas or those tin-toy space zapper guns that sound like the freakin' Apocalypse, into the icing. Get 'em wired on sugar and let them have at it with "noise toys"! Guaranteed to get you deleted from someone's Christmas card list, if not actually hunted down and killed.

philip said...

I have never cried out loud reading Cake Wrecks --- until I saw the SHRIMP CAKE!!! My stomach jumped and my diaphragm tightened and I yelled in visceral reaction. (I had to swallow my breakfast again, too...)
Congratulations! You have totally upped the ante!!!

Anonymous said...

I have to defend the "shrimp cake" ! It is actually a smörgåstårta (=sandwich cake) a popular and very tasty, I might add, party food in Sweden. It is basically a gigantic sandwich shaped like a cake! What not to love? It is not made of sponge or cream or anything...we are weird but not that weird! Other than that I love reading your blog everyday! // SwedishKajsa

Cybrczch said...

For those of you curious about the Billy Bear sausage, from the Tesco web site (http://www.tesco.com/superstore/xpi/9/xpi51559079.htm):

"Slices of cooked sausage made from reformed Turkey and Pork with added water"

So basically they make a lighter sausage base, and a slightly darker sausage base (the image of the "where chicken nuggets come from" slurry keeps popping into my mind), and then form them through a bear-shaped extruder to get the final design.

sparky_writer said...

Wow.

I work in a grocery store deli and man and I so glad we don't try to help out the bakery department....it just doesn't end well!

Amanda said...

after the initial disgust at the shrimp monstrosity, I think I want to make a ' lunch cake' without shrimp.

Pauline said...

The "gingerbread" man...if you flipped him over I could imagine him as a sidewalk chalk outline of a dead person.

HeatherM said...

... I'm amazed people still try to eat while reading this blog. Don't they know better by now? lol

I was okay until the shrimp-cake. That's... There are NO WORDS.

Eve said...

I lived in Estonia for a number of years and encountered things like those "Smörgåstårta" or savory tortes. They were always so pretty that whenever you were served "cake," you had to look carefully and size up the cake so that your senses would know whether to expect a mouthful of sweet icing or a mouthful of mayo! That said, the one in the picture must be Swedish. Estonians would not usually combine sweet (pineapple) with savory (shrimp, etc.) That combo would give them pause, too, I think!

Amy A said...

the bear faces reminded me of the smily faced ham my 7 yo son makes me buy him every week, and shrimp cake - YUK, interesting name for it though, SMORGASTARTA

Anonymous said...

Just give me a can of frosting & I'll be happy. Skip the brownies--just let me at that ball of icing!

IrisFleuron said...

Shrimp Cake? Are they serious? That is soooo disgusting.

I love shrimp,
I love cake,

But blech...

Nathan said...

anyone else finding humor in the shrimp cakes label?
I mean who thought "Smorgastarta" was a good marketing strategy?

Also; billy bear sausage...(insert face-palm here)

Jessie said...

Why shrimp cake? Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?

Anonymous said...

Being of Scandinavian family background, I knew the "shrimp cake" was not shrimp on a cake...lol
I would totally eat the smorgastarta, would be great for an hors d'oeuvres party but that icky lookin' brownie ball would not be served.

Allison said...

UGH! I didn't think it was possible to make me not want cheese - I'm a Wisconsinite! Can I send a gingerbread cheeseman to our governor? Maybe that will make him think twice about his bill... (evil laugh)

dragonet2 said...

The shrimp cake made me throw up in my mouth a little. I have a cup of home made shrimp salad for lunch tomorrow..... may have to go down and make a sandwich.

And this is the Wiki definition of Smorgastarta

mörgåstårta ("sandwich cake") is a Swedish dish that is also popular in Finland and Estonia. Similar to a sandwich, it has such a large amount of filling that it more resembles a cake.
The smörgåstårta is normally made up of several layers of white bread with creamy fillings in between. The fillings and toppings vary, but egg and mayonnaise are often the base, additional filling may vary greatly but often includes one or more of the following: liver paté, olives, shrimp, ham, various cold cuts, caviar, cheese and smoked salmon.
Smörgåstårta is served cold and sliced like a dessert cake.

So it isn't as gross as it could be.

beej said...

I really hope you're wrong about that being frosting on the gingerbread cheese man. It looks like the cream cheese/sour cream/taco seasoning taco dip base mix. I hope that's what it is.

Amy said...

The Teddy Bear bologna is scary, but NOT as scary as this CLOWN FACE LUNCH MEAT:

http://www.boingboing.net/2008/05/05/clown-face-pork-lunc.html

I hate clowns. I love bologna. The universe is just cruel for combining the two.

Robyn said...

I don't think I ever want to knowingly eat anything called a "smorgastarta" -- even with a pinapple AND a cherry on top!

Heidi said...

And with a single post, CW loses half its Swedish fan base. ROFL

Me personally, I can't imagine consuming a "giant sandwich" loaded with mayonnaise, ham, shrimp, mandarin oranges, pineapple, and maraschino cherries (and those are the ingredients I can see with my own eyes - no telling what's inside). I think it sounded more appetizing as an actual cake ;)

martini said...

Why does savory Mr. Bill have a little Christmas-themed decoration in his armpit??

Anonymous said...

Not to continue the epcot on the shrimp "cake," but I don't really care if it is supposed to be like a variation on a sandwich, how do shrimp and pineapple and mandarin oranges (with a cherry on top) possibly taste good together at all, without even considering what's underneath?? And piling the shrimp on top like that does not do anything for the appeal, whether it's sweet or savory because it still looks like grubs or maggots or something nasty! The combination of those two things makes me want to barf regardless of whether it's a cake or a sandwich underneath...

And I'm also with Trevor - I would totally be into the brownie ball or the cookies if it was ice cream and not frosting!

Craig said...

Sandra Lee must never, ever, be allowed to make Smorgastarta, even if it requires an act of Congress. Or the New York legislature, as the case may be.

I can see it now, in an upcoming (see what I did, there?) nightmare: "First, take this angel food cake you bought at the store. Next, take this really big thing of mayo and mix in some cinnamon..."

Nooooooo!!!

BTW, I would *so* eat Smorgastarta. Just lose the fruit, and we're good. Ok, leave out the liver pate', too. Apart from that, bring it on.

Rebecca said...

Being a die hard seafood lover, I'd totally eat that shrimp smorgastarta.

Anonymous said...

"Because cheddar & buttercream = Gouda upchuckin' fun!" Oh, lawsy, thank goodness I just finished the last of the gouda in my fridge this weekend...

Dear Caryl, bless you for posting what that shrimp "CAKE" was- I was too skeered to look it up myself. It doesn't sound so bad, actually! I wouldn't buy it or make it but I'd try a bite if someone offered it- only because I now know it's a sandwich, however!! There's an old tradition of "frosting" tea sandwiches with flavored cream cheese here in the South.

-Barbara Anne

P.S. how many more descriptions of what that is before we declare an Epcot? I've missed seeing everyone in the bunker!

john (the hubby of Jen) said...

Heidi,

The Swedes are MUCH cooler than that. Americans are the only ones who become so offended by a single post that they abandon a blog forever. We're just so... offendable. Ya' know?

The Swedes are like the Canadians: laid back, good natured and generally awesome. Sometimes I feel like we Americans just need to pick a huge, national wedgie.

john

Vanilla Mama said...

Ummm....EWWW!!!

Anonymous said...

Maybe I am the first * or not * to actually say it out loud... but the pineapple cake duo just looks likes a set of a woman's breasts. eeEpp!

Ann

Laurence said...

I won't hear a word against Billy Bear! I had that all the time in my sandwiches when I was a kid! Probably nutritionally horrible, but still fun. :P

Arlene said...

Oh my.. once I saw the shrimp cake thing I had to look closer to make sure I wasn't imagining it. I would eat that brownie frosting ball though and wouldn't feel a bit guilty about it either lol.

Anonymous said...

Kari, don't worry, the sandwich cake is definately not a dessert. It's cut like a dessert cake, but definately not served as one. A classic sweet cake could be f.ex. strawberry cake.

Smörgåstårta isn't served at dinner parties or such, it's more a salty snack for graduation parties, funerals, christening party etc.

jamoche said...

It's the Gingerbread Man of Amigara Fault!

Lina said...

People, the "shrimp cake" is a Swedish tradition, Smörgåstårta, which literally means "sandwich cake".
It's not for desert, it's the main course at many Swedish traditional parties (but I find it disgusting: white bread, lots of mayo, some kind of meat and/or fish and/or shellfish, plus some veggies, all in layers).

Pa_Hsia said...

We've had Billy Bear ham in England for decades! I used to love that stuff as a kid.

The manufacturing process may well be revolting, but I can't see how it would be any more so than the standard method of producing cheap meat.

Super sleuth said...

I too would love to eat the brownies, but it doesn't mean they should have EVER been made to look like a giant ball of brownie chunks. Yikes.
Awesome post!

The Black Dog said...

Maybe this makes me a bad person, but the Billy Bear Bologna is kind of cool.

As for those frosting creations, the thought of that much sugar just made my teeth hurt!

Aron said...

OK, I know it's a smorgastarta, I do! I know they CAN BE yummy, really. But THAT ONE looks Nast-tay. The congealed sheen on those shrimp and the odd combo of colors just make it look like a horrifying diarama of maggots laying seige to some poor cherry taking refuge in its pineapple fortress. So let's review: real, homemade smorgastarta = good. Deli-made horror = bad.

freaky_dragonlady said...

We used to eat that Billy-Bear Bologna! If you were born in England in the 80's too, then you probably share my confusion as to why something that terrible is still around...
(What on earth is Bologna? Do I want to ask?)

Anna K. said...

a) As a huge proponent of both frosting AND sprinkles, those chocolate chip cookies looked delicious. Just saying...
b) Not only were those shrimp cakes disgusting, they look rather...ahem, inappropriate...when placed next to each other.

Zeitlos said...

Ohhh, Bärchenwurst! I remember that Bear Sausage so well from my childhood: Everytime we went to the supermarket I begged my mother to buy them and everytime they lay in the fridge at home and turned musty because I wouldn't eat them...Mhhh, happy memories :-)

Kelly's Korner said...

OH. MY. That's crazy. Well, that bear sandwich meat is pretty common here in Germany.

Ellen said...

smörgåstårta-cot!

And Billy Bear does not look like he's smiling to me -- he looks alarmed, as if begging "Please don't eat me!"

Roomfor2 said...

I'm trying to decide if it makes it any better if the cheese thing is covered in pate/meat spread rather than icing....

Kristina said...

My mind was too focused on not rushing to the tore to get an icing ball cookie as a late-night binge, that I didn't notice the shrimp cake until I read the comments...

Emily said...

A Google search of smorgastarta will show that the poor shrimp cake is not alone in the world. There are actually some edible looking examples out there. Perhaps this deserves a bit more exploration...

mladybright said...

Ya killed me with the shrimp cake, and then had to go all 'me wan go home'!

Hubby and I laughed so hard we had to hold each other up!

~~Di

SuperDaisy said...

Smorgastarta: what happens when you eat too much pineapple upside down shrimp cake.

Anonymous said...

Don't worry John (hubby of Jen) we Swedes won't give up on CW! :-)

I do have to defend the smörgåstårta though. It's rare (at least in my family) that you put anything sweet, ie fruit, on it. It's great for more informal parties and receptions (someone mentioned graduations and christenings) and basically you put anything (savoury) you like in it. Some deluxe versions are very elaborate and is made with all sorts of delicacies like löjrom (Swedish version of Russian caviar, fantastic!), Parma ham and hand-peeled shrimp.

/Helena

Puppygirl said...

I, too, have no shame.
I want that brownie ball!

Anonymous said...

The people who did these should be arrested for crimes against food.

BigEyedDC said...

Hahaha! In Germny where I grew up you would see the teddybear-shaped bologna all the time. They'll give them to the kids for free while the parents are surveying the deli selection ...

Christine said...

Um.. How do they make that bear meat? You know like how do they put the eyes and ears and what not in it?

Dream Awake said...

The Bear Bologna is super cute! :D
But that shrimp cake makes me ill....

Bhakti said...

I have to admit...I worked in a bakery when I was a teenager and after smelling sweets all day the LAST thing I wanted to eat was anything sweet...except for once a week when I snuck back into the bakers' area and dipped a large chocolate cookie into the huge vats of butter cream icing and sandwiched it together with another large choc chip cookie. Oh...the first two bites were heaven!!! I was skinny as heck then. Now I can't even LOOK at butter cream icing or I gain a pound! Middle age!! :)

Becca said...

I've been reading for awhile but this is my first comment.
My 10 yr. old daughter was reading over my shoulder as I read this post. She saw the "brownie ball" and asked, "Did the bakery do that on purpose just to get on Cake Wrecks?"

If only that were the case...

Anonymous said...

I like how the Cheezy-bread Man is a sigature desert.

Michelle said...

That Smorgastarta sounds ALMOST as good as Rachel's "traditional" English trifle. Hers has ladyfingers, jam, custard (made froms scratch), raspberries, beef sauteed with peas and onions, bananas, and whipped cream....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mx5Wpqf4-OM&feature=related

Ica said...

Oh my. I came here because I felt sick and dizzy; I needed a laugh. I ended up getting one, but when I saw the things made out of meat, I think I wanted to throw up and burst out laughing at the same time! Great job, CW.

Mafdet said...

You think Billy Bear is weird? Check out the 'Fairy Hearts' made by the same company.
I mean, what's cuter than small children devouring fairy heart sandwiches???

http://melindatankardreist.com.au/wp-content/uploads/2009/12/pink-sausage-300x206.jpg

Anonymous said...

Just a note, Smörgåstårta/Smorgastarta isn't a dessert, it's a main course served cold so it's easy to make and keep until its time to serve. Just stick it in the fridge until it's time. I've never seen one with pineapple on top though, cucumber, tomatoes and boiled egg-halves is more common. Usually they're basicly drowned in mayo...
The pineapple threw me off too at first, making me question the sanity of it all...
I may be swedish but I don't touch them myself. There is a warm version though, with mushrooms and mince meat mixed into a kind of filling between layers of white bread. Covered with a layer of cheese and then put into the oven for a bit. Served warm it's quite delicious...