Monday, February 21, 2011

Oh! So THAT's Why There's No Mail!

Monday, February 21, 2011

Today we here in the U.S. celebrate our first president's birthday.

But more importantly...

[ripping off coat to reveal red, white, and blue sequin-covered jumpsuit]

...we celebrate America.



Hit it, Christina!


Um, well, I think that's supposed to be "whose"...


"Paroles?" Is this song about a prison break?

*sigh*

I've just spent 10 seconds trying to pronounce "hallulliah," and I can't stop laughing. Help.


[regaining composure] Ahem.


And now, in honor of George Washington and the day of his birth, let's see some starfish doing the tango.

That's for you, George.


And, since some people think Washington's family crest actually helped inspire the red and white stripes on Old Glory, let's take a moment to spotlight the care and respect bakers still show our nation's flag today:

The blue waves represent the sea of our educational incompetence.


Yessir, I think ol' George would have liked these bakers, with their real American values and their real American piping bags. After all, if there's one thing real Americans know, it's the shape of their own country.

Dibs on Toronto.



Thanks to today's real American heroes Ember P., Terra F., Aziza, & Jill W.
Blaine said...

uncle sam would love that cake. I would love that cake. and the cake looks tasty.

laughingmom said...

Wha? Where are the ram parts?

Stoich91 said...

*rolls on floor laughing*
Well, thank God for educational incompetence or we wouldn't have all those creative people re-designing the American flag! The sad thing is that, at this early time on a Monday morning, I really did have to think for a second...wait, what is wrong about the stripes?! LOL

kayk said...

The round flag cookies are, appropriately, showing distress --if you put the stripes the right way, they're upside down, an official distress signal.

And how did "Glory,glory..." sneak into the national anthem? Sign Wrecks!

WV: osanc. Osanc an you see, by the dawn's early light....

Anonymous said...

LOL and WTF at the same time XD

Jecka said...

BOOM! U.S.A. killed me!

Anonymous said...

Educational incompetence? What are you suggesting, that it's the fault of the school system?

320(kbps) said...

well I dare ask what's more patriotic than two malformed starfish?

john (the hubby of JEN) said...

Anonymous @ 10:09,

No.

john

Firedrake said...

Ah reckon them's terrrrrrist starfish with them explodey vest things.

Anonymous said...

"Glory glory hallullia"? I don't remember that part...

Elizabeth C. said...

Anon 10:09 - Only if these people went to baking school. ;)

Hallulliah
Hal-loo-lee-uh

racheld said...

Christina's moonlighting as a sign- writer now?

tjbmurph said...

Hee hee, Americans...

We're celebrating Family Day here in Canada... in winter... where we can all freeze our @$$es off together, as a family

(and before anyone is offended by my "Americans" comment, its toungue-in-cheek, as I'm originally from Memphis.....)

Summer said...

Are all of those spelling and grammar errors in the first few pics really from the same bakery?!? That is really really pathetic and disturbing!

Anonymous said...

I think we should update Old Glory and go with the wavy stripes. They're modern! They're now!
I'm getting the petition ready now.

Becky said...

These had me laughing pretty hard, but I really have to give you props for the reference to Toronto being a U.S. City.

Hint: Check out Watson on Jeopardy if you don't know the reference

Anonymous said...

Toronto is indeed a US city. Watson said so.

Anonymous said...

Re: the last cake:
If Watson thinks Toronto is a city in the United States,then TORONTO IS A CITY IN THE UNITED STATES!!!

Anonymous said...

@ laughingmom

I thinks that's behind "Florida"

john (the hubby of JEN) said...

tjbmurph,

HOW DARE YOU!?!?!?!?!?!?!


?!?!?!


?!

john

alex said...

um..."paroles FLIGHT"??? it's a two-fer!

J. R. W. said...

Oh, that Watson. I go to RPI, and that was the event of the century up here.

Seriously, though, did they subcontract Christina Aguilera to do those signs or something? Hallulliah indeed.

Queen Julian XIII said...

I wonder if that bakery got Xtina's cue cards for cheap? They don't look like they've been in a dumpster...

Loo-E Loo-I said...

Would we expect anything less from a wreckerator? They don't stop misspelling words when they put the piping bag down! *Sigh*

Just as long as Roseanne and Christina don't sing this version we'll be fine.

Hallulliah? Yep, I'm laughing too. All I heard in my head was Winnie the Pooh saying "Hallooooooo" to Princess Leah.

Just how old is that flag cake? There are only 15 stars...

ROTFLOL @ laughingmom - The ram parts will show up around July 4th and be disguised as rockets. ;-D

FM said...

Wait, nothing about the donzerly light?

HRAF said...

Re: "twilight's last gleeming"

Just another example of how "Glee" (and "Twilight," for that matter) is slowly but surely taking over the universe.

WV: dysio. Dees-a cakes a-make-a me dysio.

Dani B said...

You are too funny!!! I just love your comments throughout the blog!! Thanks for providing me with my daily humor!

Amanda Mac said...

I can't quit laughing at the paroles flight...

L.A.C.E. said...

tjbmurph said...

We're celebrating Family Day here in Canada... in winter... where we can all freeze our @$$es off together, as a family

lol not all of Canada. Here in Manitoba we are celebrating Louis Riel day where we are split on whether he's a hero or a traitor. Hmm.. I wonder what that cake would look like lol


The spelling mistakes were too funny. But the "boom boom USA" took the cupcake for me hahaha

Karin F. said...

Re dibs on Toronto:

Personally I'm at the pt where I'd take Obama over McGuinty & Nextel over our Bell monopoly!

Erin said...

oh my. i spent several seconds on hallulliah too and i still can't fathom how it's pronounced!

Ellen said...

Historically hysterical -- thanks for the laughs!

Reading those signs made the melodies of The Star Spangled Banner and The Battle Hymn of the Republic crash in my mind -- sort of a tune wreck.

Although it came out like something Charles Ives would have done, which is appropriately USA-ish, I guess!

Ellen said...

laughingmom said...

>> Wha? Where are the ram parts?<<

Don't give the wreckorators any ideas!

Let's face it -- somewhere, in some old Cake Wrecks post, there probably are some ram parts (she said, sheepishly).

wv - recoug.

I'm not a sheep farmer, nor am I Mike Rowe -- I don't know if I'd recoug-nize ram parts when I saw them.

Miss Mindy said...

When Ramona boycotted kindergarten and then told her mother to turn on the "dawnzer", which gives a "lee-light", I laughed because it was so precious and funny and exactly what a 5-year-old might do. I laugh now at the sheer absurdity of those Christina cue cards...and also, as a Texan, I feel vaguely guilty about the whole Big Game situation, which I understand happened near Dallas. But it's a hard song, right? So, as a friend heard it when she was a child, "...or the land of the tree and the homely old brave!"
wv: amarac. "Amarac, uh, Amarac...uh, God shed his grace on thee..."

Elizabeth said...

Boom! Bang!
Love those touches...are those fireworks or incoming?!?!
Happy day off to all of those who do not work today!

TheOneOnTheRight said...

Oh my gosh, between the signs and the comments here, I think the entire National Anthem has been rewritten. And, I'm scared!

wv: undefec - If these wreckerators would just ASK how to correctly spell something, they could undefec all their work.

Momcat said...

just can't resist...
WV: pokete. When I see a wrecked cake, I just want to pokete!

Anonymous said...

that anthem kinda reminds me of the dinner prayer on National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation - boredatwork

Anonymous said...

I think that the wreckarators have to be immigrants. That explains the spelling mistakes and the wrecked flag. But their lack of talent...er...I got nothing

snarkygurl said...

So which of you is wearing the red, white, and blue hot pants?

http://www.flickr.com/photos/snarkygurl/5464896865/

Stephanie said...

the bombs bursting in hair...

Vicky said...

Too funny! Thanks for posting the hilarious cakes and comments--I had surgery (abdominal hysterectomy)this past Wednesday and now have 6 wks at home to recover. That's a lot of time to browse Cakewrecks! You make me laugh out loud, which kinda hurts right now, :) but I don't care! You rule.

Anonymous said...

Oh, ya traditionalists! Always havin to have things the same 'cause "that's the way we've always done it." Bunch of old fogeys, the lot of you! Why in my day, we only had 13 stars on that flag. Ya don't see ME whining about the other 37 on there, do ya? Well, do ya?

carmiehead said...

If Watson says that Toronto is part of the US, well, then, that's good enough for me! XD

@ellen - yummmm, Mike Rowe.... *wipes drool off chin* sorry, got a little distracted there.

@john (the hubby of JEN) - must be a slow work day - I can't remember seeing you chime in on the comments this often!

Carmen, the Un-Stalker

WV: areseme - What guilty wreckerators say when they see a police officer, "I did it, sir. Just areseme."

Aimilee said...

We here in Yorktown Heights, NY (birthplace of Watson) are celebrating the dominance of our new leader. All hail Watson.

We went to the research facility to watch our overlord squash the humans-No cake was served.

Anonymous said...

I'm not American and even I can tell there's something wrong with those cakes! LOL

Sharon said...

On the 4th of July last year, my bakery also had added blue stripes to the flag. I so wished I had a camera at the time so I could submit it to you.

I blame the spelling on "No Child Left Behind" education, but the decorating? Wow, just wow!

Sharon's Edible Art

Craig said...

@Karin F: Count your blessings.

@Ellen: Love the Charles Ives reference! An orchestra I was in performed "Variations on America" -- it sticks with me to this day.

Speaking of which, 'Variations on America' would be an excellent title for that last cake.

Where's the part about 'Richard Sands'? If you're going to sing the anthem, you can't leave anything out! (Tongue in cheek, folks.)

What's the real story on those signs? I missed the halftime show (thankfully, it would appear) -- did she mess up the anthem that badly? Oy...

Anonymous said...

Correction: Washington's birthday is TOMORROW the 22nd. (My son's bday too.) Today is the recognized holiday in honor of Washington and Lincoln. Just sayin'...

Pebblekeeper ~ Angie said...

My son is saying "Type in LOL - When you laugh you HAVE to type it in."

LOL

This weekend I finally got a copy of your book - in Lincoln City, Oregon. Converting all of my friends to LOL one coffee table at a time.

tiny purple elephant said...

hehehe loved the starfish cupcakes.. they look so happy

Stephanie said...

"Dibs on Toronto." - This cracked me up even more than the rest.
The tango-ing starfish were pretty hysterical too. :D

KatiMomKat said...

Gettin' funny looks from the nurse again as I laugh hysterically from my hospital bed =)

Q."Who's Broad Stripes and Bright Stars"?
A. Ummm, the new Navy rock band?

"Paroles flight" - that's the helicopter that swooped down to assist in the prison break

Well, at least they got the "twilight's" part right.

SunKrux said...

I had to say the Tangoing starfish is by far my fav image today. LOL Thanks for the laugh as I'm stuck at work today.

SunKrux said...

The Tangoing starfish are by far my fav image of the day. Thank you for the laugh as I'm stuck at work today.

msyendor said...

... who's brood stripes ...

Wait. let me clean my glasses off.
ok. Not 'A' feature today about birds and spring fashions.

Anonymous said...

President's Day celebrates the births of both George Washington and Abraham Lincoln. There could have been so much more wreckage!

kimbalaya said...

That last cake looks like what the U.S. will look like after half of California falls off into the Pacific Ocean after an earthquake.

Anonymous said...

Hahaha! Thanks, Loo-E-loo-I for this: "Hallulliah? Yep, I'm laughing too. All I heard in my head was Winnie the Pooh saying "Hallooooooo" to Princess Leah."

No, FM, the "donzerly light" was in the song about the reigndeer who saved Christmas with his shiny noze.

Andrea

Reverend Ref + said...

@laughingmom: Wha? Where are the ram parts?

This is CakeWrecks -- I'm not sure I want to see what a wreckerator does with ram parts.

Anonymous said...

my father is the type you'd see walking around with an american flag shirt, so embarassing...

M. Mcgough said...

"The blue waves represent the sea of our educational incompetence."

I could not have put it better! hehe Love it!

Elaine said...

Thanks for the mean-spirited smack at educators. Could it be the idiot that messed up the cake is responsible for the error and not the teachers who did their best to teach him/her? Read your own rules: Profanity, mean-spirited remarks, anonymous criticism & blatant advertising will not be published.

Anonymous said...

"The blue waves represent the sea of our educational incompetence."
It's funny because it's true...

Erika Mellmann said...

Maybe we should rethink letting our kids take this day off from school and have them practice their possessives and contractions.

(love this blog, by the way...keeps me in stitches)

Anonymous said...

*sigh*

Y'all are missin' the point.

That ain't Hallelujah.

It's HELL YEAH!

Shay said...

I think it's actually "halluiliah" note the dot over that one l looking thing. This makes it even more fun to say!

As a fun side note, my comment moderation word is: comaukso

I do believe that word is fitting for some of these wrecks!
"What do you think of my starfish/fireworks things?!"
...

"They're very comaukso inducing."

Kristin said...

Boom! USA Bang! Celebrate!

The tangoing starfish are by far my favorite. I laughed so hard I got strange looks from my husband! :)


wv: spant....you don't even want to know how much time I've spant laughing at the cakes on this site!

Pamela said...

Funny as always. No holiday for us in British Columbia, as a matter of fact there was a news story about this. What amazed me was most of the people responding to the story are against giving the workers another paid holiday. Said that the ones wanting the holiday were greedy and would bring down small business owners. Enjoy your holiday to all that gets one no matter what its called.

kandjsimpson said...

Oh, so Christina Aguilers is decorating cakes now?? How special is that? LOL!

Guinan said...

*dies*

I justs about stopped laughing when I read laughingmom's ram parts question.

I think I sprained something.

LOL

gojirama said...

My kid tells me that if you turn your head upside down while looking at the last cake, it looks just like Robbie the Robot.

LynnE65 said...

Oh! MY! GOODNESS!!! I think this is one of the funniest you've done in a while! God bless the U.S.A. because I think we need a LOT of help!

pikkewyntjie said...

Where's the first part of the song about the Latino guy getting involved with the Mafia?
"Jose, can you see by the Don's surly light?"

Linda said...

John Hanson was technically the first president. I actually think there were 7 before Washington? It all depends on how you count I suppose.

Jen said...

@ Elaine - My remark wasn't a dig against teachers at all - many of my best friends are public school teachers. I was instead referring to the educational state of the U.S. in general, which I think *every* teacher would agree is less than stellar.

It was also a joke.

But mostly, the first thing. ;)

Crazy Lady said...

Ok, how hard would it have been to look up what a flag looked like?! Or better yet, the words to the anthem. Course you would have to be able to spell both of theose words. ;p

Willfulness said...

Less than stellar ... like the starfish? Ha!

Emma said...

I think my favorite part of this whole post is that the PBS "The More You Know" star is on that malformed America cake. I can just see the PSA:

"Did you know that Toronto is now a part of America? It is. Get excited. *sings* The more you knooowwww."

mel said...

This site should be declared a National Treasure. And we can't wait for the government to do it. So...by the power invested in me, and with all rights and privileges pertaining there unto, I declare this site a National Treasure!

Meg said...

*snort*

Ironically, the star on the last "United States" um...THING looks like the PSA commercials that end with "The more you know..." and a shooting star.

Also, what a shame that Hallulliah, et al were written so prettily.

Hahahahaha!!!

Oh, P.S. Good call on the "sea of educational incompetence."

D.B. Echo said...

When I look at that "Boom! Bang!" CCC, I just see the Red Rock 'Em Sock 'EM Robot doing a triumphant jig and fist pump as he punches the one-legged Blue Robot in the nuts. And bolts.

Anonymous said...

These are great! Few things wreck as well as patriotism and icing.

I think "Hallulliah" has to be said with a Southern accent. I just can't get it out any other way. Sorry Southerners. :)

And this is one of my favorite sentences I've read on here: "The blue waves represent the sea of our educational incompetence." Well done, well done.

I don't think that last cake is celebrating the United States so much as giving a metaphorical, frosting covered middle finger to Great Britain. "Hah!" it seems to taunt. "It's like we never let you keep that at all! Fifty-four Forty, or Fight, suckas!!!"

--kate

Pearljammies said...

My favorite part...that's pretty much the logo for"the more you know" on the malformed usa map cake...appropros!

Anonymous said...

LMAO with the starfish dancing comment. It made my day

chris said...

Hah-loo-lee-uh?

Anonymous said...

Pamela @ 2:44 said, *What amazed me was most of the people responding to the story are against giving the workers another paid holiday. Said that the ones wanting the holiday were greedy and would bring down small business owners.*

Someone should tell those people that it's BEEN a paid holiday for a long, long time... (heck, when I was a kid back in the Stone Age, we got two in one week - Lincoln's _and_ Washington's birthdays) and as far as this small business owner goes, I'm working the usual hours today! Darned few holidays for smalltime retailers, believe me.

The least someone could do is make me a nice unwrecked cake! *G*

Merry at Annie's Book Stop/Sharon, MA

WV: morsts - These wreckorators should feel a huge amount of re-morsts for these designs!

Karyl said...

"Dibs on Toronto." 'Love it! And if you can't laugh at public education, you'll cry. I vote for the laughing.

Donna said...

How sad that my 15 year old daughter had to ask what was wrong with the cake flag...*head plant onto desk*

I love my country.

Fluffy Cow said...

I like the "the More you Know" star on the last one.

ethel aldehyde said...

are you sure the stripes were based on washington's family crest?

looks more like aquafresh to me . . .

Boy George said...

Cake #3 just makes me think of vampires with clean, bright fangs courtesy of Proctor & Gamble.

BADKarma! said...

Evidently, the entire US of A now rather resembles the state of Missouri. Who knew!

Haiku Joy said...

The dawnzer lee light
Gleemed the ram parts of cake wrecks:
Paroles piping.

ErinW said...

Oh my, someone please tell me which Kroger's bakery that was!!!

Lilii ^^ said...

why am I so tempted to crack a random Hetalia joke right now?

Hall-ooh-lee-uh! D: XD

Anonymous said...

@Anonymous / kate 5:04 PM
the last cake is a super top secret map of the plans to invade Canada. (Shhhh don't tell)

Spiletta42 said...

Fifty-four forty or fight?

Ms. Blasé said...

"BANG! Celebrate U.S.A."???

What? With a gun fight?

Connie Moreno said...

Flippin' hilarious!

Anonymous said...

The first flag flown by a ship from the United States of America to be recognized by a foreign country, France on February 14, 1778 was the John Paul Jones flag or Serapis flag which had red, white and blue stripes.A second sighting of this flag on an American ship was recorded by a Dutch painter in September of 1779. Of course, those are really the only two "official" uses of such a flag recorded by history.

Monique said...

Dibs on Vancouver...

Dom said...

Well, there are more cities in the US named Toronto than there are in Canada... Around seven, actually...

Word ver: catedee A cross between a cat and a chickadee?

winsomebulldog said...

There are far too many gems today for me to pick just one to heap praises upon. Though the "Hallulliah" one had me laughing just like Jen as I tried to pronounce it. Then I read what Jen had said and the laughs turned to snorts. It only got more hilarious from there. Just had to say thanks for the riotous laughter. I needed it badly, today.

Lis. said...

Here in America, we have freedom of speech, freedom to design our own flag, freedom of spelling, freedom to change the words of our national anthem (especially if millions are watching), freedom of punctuation, and most importantly...we have the freedom to point and laugh at the person who exercises those rights! What a great country.

Arlene said...

My howls of laughter probably scared the neighbor smoking on the fire escape..lol. Oh man that CCC makes me want to throw it at the person who destroyed it then run and hide. And why are parolees escaping on President's Day? Oh the shame of these cakes..

Ulrike said...

Hallullia reminds me of Wooster saying, "Eulalie."

Wolverine Girl said...

After looking at today's wrecktacular goodness, I feel like singing a bit of Handel's Messiah. Here goes, a one and a two and a...

Haaaaaaaaaaaa-lloo-lee-ah!
Haaaaaaaaaaaa-lloo-lee-ah! Hallulliah, hallulliah,
Ha-lloo-oooooo-le-aaaaahhhh!

Thanks Chris and Elizabeth C for the pronunciation :)

Carisa said...

I think the star cakes are actually chromosomes.

Gary said...

The first part of today's installment gave me pleasant memories of the citizenship classes I used to teach for immigrants, most of whom were minimally competent in English. In every class, I'd have to try to explain the meaning of the words to the national anthem. Once I got across what a "Star Spangled Banner" is, there wasn't much time left. (The students knew the word "star," and they could figure out what "banner" means, but "spangled" really threw them.)

Anonymous said...

"Sea of our educational incompetence" LMAO, oh Cake Wrecks, you make me smile/laugh every day :D

Isolder74 said...

Let me offer a competent flag cake.

http://i12.photobucket.com/albums/a212/Isolder74/IMG_0110.jpg
http://i12.photobucket.com/albums/a212/Isolder74/IMG_0111.jpg
http://i12.photobucket.com/albums/a212/Isolder74/FinishedFlagCake1.jpg
http://i12.photobucket.com/albums/a212/Isolder74/FinishedFlagcake2.jpg
http://i12.photobucket.com/albums/a212/Isolder74/FlagCakestep1.jpg

Anonymous said...

@Ellen, I like the "tune wreck" term!

Debbie

lyndsay said...

STARFISH DOING THE TANGO. i am dying... when i glanced at it i totally thought of two of those stringcheese head characters boogying... HILARIOUS!

lorrwill said...

I have discovered that trying to read this blog and eat lunch is a bad idea.

Laughing your lunch onto the keyboard cuts productivity, you know.

sarah said...

The last one reminds me of the "The more you know!" logo on PBS... or whatever it was on...

ReD said...

The last one reminds me of the "The more you know!" logo from the informative commercials.. lol

The_SprinkleMaster said...

*Facepalm* I hate it when people rewrite things.

Mrs. B said...

LOL... Toronto! Poor Watson crushed the humans, but he'll never live that one down.

Anonymous said...

On the last cake, we traded half of the USA for Toronto. OR... they made it the way it was in 1795.

Elizabeth Schildkret said...

No matter how hard I try I can't get passed the second "lull" in hallullia with out breaking into fits of hysterical laughter. Just typing it is difficult.

hyphen8 said...

Those signs make my brain boggle.

I have to wonder about the missing ones: I can't believe that the sign writer got "o'er the ramparts" right, but maybe it's better not to know...

Thanks for the laughs, again. :D

DangGina said...

OOOOOOH! They're fireworks! I get it! My first thought (silly me) was starfish doing aerobics, which doesn't QUITE work with Presidents' Day. Unless I'm wrong...

Rachel B. said...

The last one is my favorite. Obviously, the person loves the USA so much, it hurts to look at it. Thus the lack of reference images while decorating the cake. That amorphous blob is a representation of the wrekerator's deep-seated heart-felt devotion to the wonder that is the United States of America.


And Canada, apparently.

the Nurskeptic said...

The "starfish" cakes look more like dead bodies laying on the ground, which is why I thought of gunshot victims when I saw the words "Boom" and "bang".

Bhakti said...

Hey Hey Hey! Don't blame the public school system! I had to spend a year teaching 26 fourth graders all about contemporary New Jersey with 16 text books that were over 25 years old! Don't even get me started on Reading and Language Arts...I had NONE of those books for the first 2 marking periods.

And speaking of New Jersey...I live near Washington Headquarters. I can GUARANTEE you that George would be proud as hell over the seemingly Batman and Robin inspired "Boom!" "Bang!" starfish CCC! NOT.

Ok. So...stop blaming the teachers for these spelling wrecks and put the blame where it goes: How can you teach with no books, no paper, no pens? What do you expect when the first writing utensil anyone is given to write with is a piping bag???

LOL...I'm kinda serious....but joking.
Meaning, I was a teacher who taught under those circumstances...but I bought my students whatever they needed with my own money. And all of my students passed the NJ "ASK" test.

(If there are any typos in my post...hey, I was taught in the public school system.)

hahahaha...

Bhakti said...

Hey Jen-- I was TOTALLY busting on ya. Once again, I am 100% disabled and live in severe pain every day of my life...and CAKE WRECKS keeps me laughing!!!

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE GIFT OF LAUGHTER!

=D

Bhakti

c/o www.jaibhakti.blogspot.com

ardie said...

OMG this post made me cry i was laughing so hard. I love that they included Canada in the last cake, because really, Canada is "America Jr."

Cake on!

Andrea said...

Hey, from the Canadian - You can have Toronto!!

And, lol, those were awesome.