Thursday, February 3, 2011

News Bites, 2/3/11

Thursday, February 3, 2011

It's time again for today's top headlines, illustrated with cake!

Just 'cuz.

"Mexican Gangs Use Catapults to Hurl Pot Into U.S."

Wow. Talk about a throwback to the past!

Seriously, who even drinks tea in the U.S. anymore?

Not to mention this sounds awfully refined for gang members:

"Relent, ye cad, or next I shall hurl 'yon chafing dish!"




"Arizona Fugitive Planned Suicide By Bear"

Oh, please. What's he gonna do, snuggle me to death?

Ahahahahaha!!!!

Ahaha... ha... ha... oh crap

Fortunately, the man abandoned his plan when he heard voices telling him bears prefer their humans free-range. (Oh, SNAP!)



"China Braces For Rampant Sexytime in Year of the Rabbit"

Step 1: Cut a hole in the egg.

Step 2:

"Hey, baby, you lookin' fiiine! Watchoo skiing so fast for, huh? Slow down, girl!"



"Enraged Customer Assaults Store Employee Over Lack of Sprinkles"

As a precaution for the future, area bakeries have since introduced the following design:

In related news, most area bakers are now completely out of sprinkles.



Thanks to Marissa, Jessica F., Jekka G., David C., Lalita, & Ryan B., who think that second bear has a real potty mouth. (And they're totally right.)
thesacredandtheprofane said...

"Cut a hole in the egg"- pure win!

Marie said...

The reason that nobody drinks tea in America is because most places just offer Lipton tea. Sorry, but that is a completely inferior product to real tea. We always drank our tea at home with proper tea.

hartman said...

I laughed so hard at "cut a hole in the egg" that my baby started to cry! Thanks for the giggles... I now need my JT fix on youtube.

Anonymous said...

Are those bunnies on the second to last cake foaming at the mouth?
Are those rabbits rabid?
Are those rabid rabbits rampaging through the roughage?

Sorry, but I <3 alliteration!

wv lingigol(s): What the Cake Wrecks commentary is.

Anonymous said...

my daughter would LOVE LOVE LOVE the sprinkles cake.

however, the "cut a hole in the egg" was the best comment of all time.

Trevor said...

OMG this is too funny. I love it.

What's the second one supposed to be? I thought maybe a lamb at first, but when I looked closer, I realized the only way it's a lamb is if it had been near a nuclear accident.

Sandy C also in SoFla said...

I laughed out loud on the "cut a hole in the egg" cake. Priceless.

Now, that first one is almost unrecognizable. I had to really stretch the relationship between the caption and the pic before I realized it was supposed to be a teapot.

Death by bear? wow, another one who really should have attempted to go thru with it. Those are genes that really should not be allowed in the pool.

And that last one is just a mess.

Anonymous said...

5 comments… ONLY FIVE????? I am either early or read the number wrong. Op, no, I was right… ok I will stop the always talk. I <3 CAKE WRECKS AND EPBOT!!!! I SPELLED IT WRONG!!! I SHOULD STOP YELLING!!!

Loo-E Loo-I said...

LOL! Cake imitating life...

Oh, I thought it was a chamber pot (a CCC patooie). I'm glad they clarified it by writing "tea".

Cracking up over "ha ha oh crap"!
Geez, everything else was black, white & gray - why *brown*?

ROTFLOL! Cut hole in egg! Uh oh...it cracked!

Those other rabbits were chasing the field mice again after the good fairy repeatedly told them not to. This cake shows them being turned into goons.

That guy in Dayton needs an "I want sprinkles" shirt!

TriGirl said...

K, first of all, the bunnies? Funny!
And that last cake: a) it already has piping and roses so no shortage on decor b) what is going on with the flag with the sticky note on it? c) we all want sprinkles but wow. Wow. WOW. Someone's going to break a tooth.

wv: hyssinks. (n): A phenomenon that occurs when you are drinking coffee and start to laugh, and have to run over to the sink to convulsively spit out your drink, creating a hissing sound.

TheOneOnTheRight said...

Wow,thank goodness the wreckerator wrote TEA on that first one, otherwise I would have never been able to figure out what it was (supposed to be) - which would have made the commentary nonsensical.

I too vote for "cut a hole in the egg" as your best line ever!

Ashley said...

oh my heck, cut a hole in the egg, I'm dying! Hilarious!

Tricia L said...

I like the first bear cake. Except it doesn't really look like a bear. And I not sure if it is a cake or a CCC. But I like it.

(Memo to self: Invest in sprinkles commodities.)

ania said...

I love tea. I would never hurl my teapot anywhere. But, I do think that I would like to use a catapult to catapult something. Because it seems cool. Oh, wait. What! That kind of pot? Oh.

You know how things are pixelated because of the dimensions of the components that make up the image? Well, that "teapot" thing is cupcakelated.

Brittni said...

I'm drinking tea right now, I'll have you know! Haha :)

Fluffy Cow said...

*GASP*

(whispering) sprinkles....

Ellen said...

I agree that "cut a hole in the egg" wins you the Internet!

However, considering where that bunny's tail is, I'm not convinced that other parts would be where they should be. Why do wreckerators expect us to see "next to" as "behind?"

The only thing more bizarre than those cakes are those news stories.

And such cruelty to bears -- I can only imagine they'd get ill and/or addicted from eating that guy. Only Stephen Colbert could approve of that.

Oh, and is the catapult a throw-forward throwback?

:)

No Cake Fo You!!! said...

Those sprinkles made my teeth hurt just looking at it.... ick!!!!

Also loving the bunny trying to "get some" Bwaahahaha you guys are soooo naughty! I love it!!!!

WV: oussor

those sprinkles are an oussour (eye-sore) yeah, I was really reaching guys!!

Anonymous said...

"Cut a hole in the egg" FTW! Reminds me of the time we were travelling into the Muskokas, and heard an ad on the radio for "Deck in a Box"...

I couldn't breathe for laughing, and didn't dare try to explain with my young kids listening intently for an explanation as to why Mommy had lost her mind.

KatiMomKat said...

The second bear is going to kiss you to death...'cause you'll die of dysentery after just one smackaroo from that "potty mouth". Yuck!

Is it just me, or does anyone else see goats with snow-shoes when they look at the frolicking bunnies? (It's the beards...)

Funny, as always, Jen.

len said...

While I was enjoying a fine cup of tea as well, I'm afraid the pot/teapot joke went right over my head. Har har. *Ahem* anyway, I thought at first it was a reference to the "tea" in "On the Road," but mainly I was distracted wondering if the drug smugglers ever tried using those T-shirt cannons.

WV-deyhoul, "Deyhoul when there are no more sprinkles."

lulu said...

so this is a bad time to say that i am an avid tea drinker (particularly during the past few weeks of bronchitis) AND an american? oh, boy.

real tea...loose...requiring an actual tea pot!

well, for that insult, i demand a post full of tea pots. if they contain an alice in wonderland theme, that will earn you bonus points.

BellaLovesPink said...

tea all over my computer monitor..."cut a hole in the egg".

LMAO

Siouxzr said...

I love the cut a hole in the egg, too but "Relent, ye cad, or next I shall hurl 'yon chafing dish!" made me laught out loud. I had visions of Mony Python and the Holy Grail. I suppose you hurl the tea pot and chafing dish before you bring out the heavy bovine artillary.

Also what is with the white and pink bear/bunny mutant? It has paw pads coming out of its neck.

WV: reedunne as in no one would buy these wrecks they need to be...

Craig said...

"What time is it, boys and girls?"
"Time to ban CCC's! Yay!"

@Marie, agreement with your statement aside, how can a company dominate the market with a product no one buys? Reminds me a little of Yogi Berra's observation that "No one goes there anymore because it's too crowded."

@Loo-E Loo-I, I've never seen a chamber pot with a spout. Why would... never mind.

wv: teetran. No... I'll just leave it be.

Maggie said...

Wooooo. . .CRUNCHY!!!! I bet you could break a tooth on that "sprinkles" one if you weren't careful.

Anonymous said...

I did not see a teapot on the first one for a very long time. I had no idea what the commentary meant in relation to the CCC (patooie!). I saw a lake or pond of some sort with some wonky docks on either side. I thought, "Are there some types of tea that are grown like rice or cranberries in a flooded field of some sort? Or is this a reference to the Boston Tea Party?" I really had to re-read the commentary and scrutinize the picture to figure it out!

What is in the frosting on the Two Rabid Rabbits cake? It looks like gravel in the cake....and are those "mountains" etched into the background or is that a giant crack in the icing? BTW, your commentary here reminded me of a certain romantic cartoon skunk who loved to chase the ladies. Was that intentional? Very nice.

Hee! I was going to say "Not a potty mouth, but a poo-poo mouth" and that's when I got the "oh crap" comment! Methinks I have not had enough caffeine yet this morning!

Andrea

Daisy said...

Re cake #4: You almost had me singing the lyrics to "D--k in a Box" (as in, "Step 2: Put your **** in the egg....")

Queen Julian XIII said...

I'm going to be singing "cut a hole in the egg" clear to Easter. bwahahahaha!

Anonymous said...

Wow, I knew the other stories were real, but the one with the sprinkles I doubted UNTIL I read that article.

That is really, really out there, but it made for a great blog. Good job.

Love said...

"Cut a hole in the egg" - LOVED IT!!!!!

Anonymous said...

Room 19? Room 19? ?? Must be a very happy room getting so sprinkled.

Love your puns, gags, and comments that got me laughing today, which was rather difficult. (it's been a rather nasty icy snow day)

And I salute you with my cuppa tea. Seriously. Must have tea. Real tea. Brewed. But not in THAT pot. Have to admit that it took me longer than usual to recognize what that Patooie! CCC was.

Brain needs more tea.

~~Di

Me said...

I think I must be the only person who doesn't get the whole "cut a hole in the egg" joke... I can't figure out why everyone thinks it's so hilarious.

Christine said...

I am so confused by that first bear. Where are it's arms? It's so deformed!
I drink tea! But not when I'm out, just at home (or at a tea house.)
And, indeed, "Cut a hole in the egg" is a win!

Kristina Garner said...

My favorite part is "Why you going so fast on those SKIS?" Skis!!! Skis!! Skis!!! LOL

The Black Dog said...

But if they are out of sprinkles, then they won't follow the edict of my shirt!

I'm also laughing at the cut a hole in the egg comment.

Diane said...

I thought the first cake was a blue blob with a candy cane stuck through it. I couldn't figure out what the caption was about until I squinted really hard. Then I thought it was a blue blob that was REALLY happy to see me.

Aliza said...

@Craig, the same people who buy CCCs, wedding cakes with fountains and staircases, and other cake-related abominations probably also drink Lipton. Or -- even worse-- instant coffee (paTOOIE!)

#1 even with the "tea" on it, and the "pot" clue, it still took a while to get this one. (If they applied that creativity to legal businesses, they'd be quite rich...)

#2 Pink ears, and paws... that may actually be a dog? Pressed up against a window? No tag to indicate how much, though

#3 Eep, it's foaming (in brown?!) at the mouth. And looks REALLY angry... the potty mouth did not agree with it ::shudder::

#4 "Cut a hole in the egg" is a GREAT line! (And comments like that are the reason I've learned NEVER eat or drink while reading this blog)

#5 The background's nice, but those "rabbits" are definitely a mixed species.

#6 A Timmies reference! Mmm, TimBits. ::focus:: Why is there a Malaysian flag on the cake? With a sticker over it? And they decorated OVER the sprinkles! If it were the chocolate sprinkles, I'd think it was a giant rumball. Mmm, rumballs... ok, gotta go--

Aliza said...

@Me at 2:31... oh dear, how to explain this in a family friendly way?

Look where the egg is, particularly the bottom of the egg. Picture the rabbit is male. Look at the happy and blushing expression on the rabbit's face. Assume the explanation for the explanation has to do with a hole cut in the egg... and realize that it seems that quite a few readers (and authors?) of this blog have very dirty minds.

That help?

Leighanne said...

It took me not once, not twice but THREE separate looks ant the first cake and understand that is was a teapot. I got that it said tea and some how I thought it was a weird ocean cake with a sand bar on each side.

"Cut a hole in the egg"- Classic, now I'm seeing Justin Timberlake dress as the Easter Bunny. What would that bee exactly? Marshmallow peep in a box?

MorbidMiss said...

I always pack my Irish Breakfast when we go on a trip because I know I wont be able to get it while we are out. I agree, lipton is dreadful. Not to mention if you ask for hot tea in a restaurant (Unless you find a good Pub) they give you tepid water.

Elizabeth said...

I am happy that Jen is making money and dont want the site to end...BUT those feminine wipe ads on the side of the bunny cake are HILARIOUS!
Keep sellin'those ads!
Kiss!
Elizabeth

Anonymous said...

Ahaha! Maybe those are Snowshoe Hares?

Margie said...

@ Marie - I totally agree with you about the lack of taste with Lipton tea! Why do all the restaurants insist on serving it?

I am also in the US and I always drink tea. I think you do owe us tea pot cakes to make up for your comment about no tea drinkers in the US!

Kimberly Chapman said...

Aiieee, looking at that sprinkles cake made me go into diabetic shock and die!

Almost.

Looks like the nefarious work of Professor Sprinkles! If I had more time, it'd be fun to come up with a whole comic panel about his evil sprinkle plan...but I don't have time.

Anonymous said...

addendum @ Aliza, 3:46

And to continue beating a cracked yolk ...

imagine Ms.Bunny saying, "Is it about to hatch? It sounds a good pecker."

Anonymous said...

I second Lulu at 12:38!

Zombie Edward said...

Man, Ohio needs to stop having crazy people getting so worked up at fast food places!

Anonymous said...

That bunny boggles the mind-besides the inappropriate egg, why are his hands near his privates?? WHY???? O_o

wv milimb-milimbs are near my privates, they should not be

Liutgard of Luxeuil said...

Hey, I live on the Upper Left Coast, and there are a lot of tea drinkers here. And a lot of tea companies. Adn if you ask for tea in a restaurant, it will take two minutes for the waitress to recite the list of available teas. At home I stick with Twinings or Tetley's.

Anonymous said...

at the risk of being banned I must admit I hate sprinkles. they taste plastic and leave a nasty aftertaste. that sprinkle encrusted cake made me gag (literally).

@ania- you ROCK (You know how things are pixelated because of the dimensions of the components that make up the image? Well, that "teapot" thing is cupcakelated.)

-Barbara Anne

Anonymous said...

the last cake is from malaysia! i'm malaysian!! this is a proud moment!! *sniffle*

Arlene said...

Mmmm sprinkles. Though that last cake I would probably attempt to eat and die from the sugar rush lol. That or break a tooth from all the sprinkles but either way I like it. Wouldn't dare give it to a child though.

Adorably Dead said...

Ye Gods, I've got to find that catapult. lol.

Craig said...

@Barbara Anne, at risk of being thought subversive, have to agree on the sprinkles. When I see them, I think, 'mmm, sugary!' The experience that follows is best summed up by the phrase, 'share and enjoy' (which was often repeated during Arthur Dent's efforts to obtain a decent cup of tea) -- it's like eating miniature gravel, only with a less pleasant taste.

Perhaps others know where to obtain sprinkles that do not suck.

It seems no one knows, however, how it is that a company can corner the market on restaurant tea with a product no one wants. Perhaps Lipton is really a subsidiary of the Sirius Cybernetics Corporation.

[Jakester] said...

malaysian love sprinkle!!!
yay im malaysian and i love sprinkle!!!

thesacredandtheprofane said...

@Me (2:31 pm yesterday)- go to Google and type in Justin Timberlake in a box. Click on the first video that shows up. It will explain everything.

Just be warned- It's pee your pants funny. And no drinking while watching or your computer will get a bath.

Mark Thuesen said...

The sprinkles cake looks like a choking hazard! Don't sneeze after taking a bite out of that cake, or everyone gets a shot of sprinkles all over them.

mark thuesen

~Isabel said...

OMgod...."Cut a hole in the egg"

I am going to laugh all day...and the foaming at the mouth bunnies??

I hate to admit that as soon as i see you've posted, i get here as fast as i can!

Luka said...

The Dayton guy, when he wants sprinkles, he REALLY WANTS SPRINKLES.

Becky said...

The rabbits cracked me up!

And, um, I love tea. (REAL homebrewed tea, not that powdery Lipton or fake powdered iced tea crap.) And I'm American. But since I live well north of Florida and a nice hot cup of tea is far more crucial to my winter survival, I will forgive you. ;)

Wild Cakes said...

My daughter got the triple chocolate donut at Tim Hortons a few months ago; supposed to have chocolate filling, with chocolate ganache on top, covered in mini-chocolate chips.

As we pulled away from the drive-through, she opened the bag and discovered that her donut had ONE chocolate chip. Not the usual coating of about forty; just one.

NEITHER of us felt the need to go "postal" on Timmies... but I did laugh myself silly the whole way home. If there had been no chips at all, it would have been sad, but somehow that one lonely chip sitting at the middle of the donut was just too hilarious for words.

Anonymous said...

Is it just me or does the teapot look more like a chainsaw that has been "bedazzled"?

VeggieT said...

Can any say "I want sprinkles" IRL! FTW!

sisserydoo said...

Hi, just found your site! LOVE IT! I am on the web because I've been asked to make a 'September' cake for church tomorrow, whatever that is! I stumbled upon your site and will be visiting regularly :o)

Michelle

Sarah said...

I drink tea! Luckily enough, I drink real tea (yeah, I'm a snob). It isn't Lipton, molded out of cupcakes, or blue. Thank goodness...very funny post!

Anonymous said...

Sprinkles cake is my favorite! I just might get my aunt to make that for my b-day this year! Yum, sprinkles...

ali said...

i bet that last cake is crunchy. 0.0 That guy who got upset over the sprinkles needs anger management.

I think there's a playbunny off to the side of that smiling bunny...

and tea in the South is great, esp if you make it yourself, like sun tea.

kimc said...

I'm so glad to see so many fellow tea drinkers who prefer good tea to that pitiful stuff that American Lipton is (I hear the English Lipton's is much superior.) the best tea is from Murchie's of Canada.
Now I have to go back to that picture and see if I can puzzle out a teapot in the cake -- I didn't see it before -- it looked like a blue pond over a large candy cane.

Anonymous said...

Lonely Island reference! :]