Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Bake a Cake, Diss A Vow

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Words are a vital part of the wedding ceremony. With them you promise to love and cherish one another, declare your commitment publicly, and tell Uncle Randall to ease up on the Jägerbombs. Or at least stop dancing.

So, it's no wonder that some couples want to incorporate words on their wedding cake. And it's also no wonder - at least to me, heh - when those words spell disaster.

Or misspell it, as the case may be.

Note that the baker used the classic Wilton letter press on the first tier, but then gave up and free-handed the rest. And how "forword" is misspelled. And that "for worse" is left off. Now note the spacing. And the colors. And the...oh, are you ready to move on?


I'm told one or two of those words are misspelled, but frankly I was too distracted by the heaps of soggy seaweed to notice. Maybe that's the point?


No. Just...no.


Jessica wanted the writing on her cake to match the font of their invitations, so she brought in this handy reference picture:

She also asked that the roses be made of icing.


Drum roll, please!

I especially like the roses. Classy.


I think this one's my favorite, though:

Give it a minute.

Let it all sink in. Or line up. Or whatever.

Now, at first I thought the baker had stacked these in the wrong order, since it kind of looks like the top tier connects with the bottom one. When I saw the back, though, I realized:

I actually have no idea what is going on with this cake.


And finally, a tip for all your wedding wreckage:

The uglier it is, the more you should emphasize the word "beautiful."

Perfect.


Thanks to our wedding wreckporters Leslie F., Meagan R., Joe D., Jessica S., Angela C., & HickBride, who are all da bomb. But not Jägerbombs. 'Cuz that'd be weird.
Ms. Blasé said...

Is the icing on that last cake made of oatmeal?

SuBee said...

I know these should make me laugh, but I'm close to tears thinking of the poor brides. They would have been better off with Little Debbie snack cakes.

Erin said...

In that last cake, why isn't the groom wearing any pants? Did they make the cake so awful so that we wouldn't notice?

Savannah said...

I just don't understand how this could ever be possible. I'm not the type to become a bridezilla (I'd say most screwups would just make me laugh) but SERIOUSLY. If I got a cake like this, I would probably throw a ridiculous fit.

Ellen said...

Oh my goodnezz -- er, goudanez -- um, goodness (yeah, that's it!), those are some wrecks.

On the last one, I love the juxtaposition of ugly cake, lovely thoughts, and a groom topper with no pants on, who appears to be hitchhiking. A fascinating mystery.

Is it my eyes, or does the third cake say two heads will become one?

Ray Milland and Rosie Greer, perhaps?

wv: potte.

I'd say what I really think of these cakes, but I don't have a potte-mouth.

Danger Boy said...

Wow. Some serious wrecks here!

Anonymous said...

MY EYES!!!!!!! O_o

Joellyn said...

If you're looking for the groom's pants on that last cake, the bride is wearing them. Srsly.

yellowpickup said...

Seaweed? I thought those were piles of piped poo.

Tricia L said...

After seeing the second (A&S) cake, I have a good idea for professional cake decorators (not wreckerators). Construct a dummy wedding cake out of plaster (or even wood craft boxes) and paint with high gloss white paint. Then make a replica of what the bride orders for advance approval. It would avoid the unpleasant green piping and spiders on an otherwise nice cake. Just pipe on the replica, get approval, take a photo, and wipe it off for the next bride.

thesacredandtheprofane said...

Wow. That last one is made all the classier by having the topper couple show that the bride "wears the pants" in that relationship. Maybe the groom ordered the cake and it's her way of showing that this sort of nonsense will never happen again.

WV: sugeortm. I don't even have a clever sentence for it, I just thought it was a funny word.

Yandie, Goddess of Pickles. said...

On the last cake.. Why is that groom not wearing any pants?

Ellen said...

@ Joellyn:

Thanks!

That explains why she's wearing what looks like a maternity pantsuit -- it's supposed to be a short wedding dress and his pants.

Also explains why he's gesturing.

And now I think it's an even stupider topper to be above that mutual-respect-expressing text.

A multi-level wreck.

Amber said...

I have two favorite parts to the last cake:

1) the emphasis on the word "that" (you know, because it is just as important as "trustworthy" and "beautiful")
2) the groom has no pants!

kimberj said...

I thought the second cake had gangrene... :P

Clothcat said...

'For richer, for poo rer' - great spacing!

Jenna said...

The couple might have picked the colors on the first one, and I thought the seaweed one was not that bad.

WV: exate - "I wrote your vows on your cake exately as you asked me to"

Oldish Lady said...

The image of two heads becoming one will give me nightmares for weeks.

wv:lastall The pain will "lastall" week.

Amanda Mac said...

Stupid, stupid topper on the last cake, ESPECIALLY with the writing... if you can call it writing. And I think the wreckerator underlined "beautiful" in a pathetic attempt to disguise the fact that she actually misspelled the word and had to rub it out (or in?) and start over.

Loo-E Loo-I said...

I'm with SuBee. I feel for those poor brides. Hopefully they're looking back on these and laughing now.

Cake #1: I can almost hear the conversation that went on for the first cake...

"What are *you* doing??"
"I'm stamping out the letters so the cake looks nice, why?"
"OMG we don't have time for that!"
"But I've got the first row done already!"
"It's almost time to deliver the cake, hurry up and just pipe the letters!"
"OK, I'm done!"
"Oh for Pete's sake! You misspelled 'forward' and left out 'for worse'!"
"Well, you rushed me! Hopefully no one will notice!"

Cake #2: Let's see..[looking past the kelp]..on the first tier it looks like husband isn't quite right. I'm not sure if it's huband or husbad. Tomorrow is 'tommorrow'.

Cake #3: It's a little fuzzy...does that say "two *heads* become one"? Really?!

Cake #4: Wow, those piped roses look almost like real fake flowers! ;-)

Cake #5: The conversation went like this...

"What are *you* doing??"
"I'm writing the bride and groom's names on the cake, why?"
"Those aren't supposed to be separate cakes! They need to be stacked on top of each other!"
"Ohhhhhh, now you tell me! Hopefully no one will notice!"

And the conversation on the last cake...

"What are *you* doing?"
"I'm looking at the cake topper sweetums. Um, why doesn't the groom have any pants?"
"Because."
"OK, dear." muttering under his breath..."Hopefully, with that ugly cake, no one will notice."

Gary said...

The picture's blurry-- does Joe & Ashley's cake (#3) really say "Two heads become one"?

And what's going on with that last cake topper? The bride's wearing riding boots and the groom has no pants? Huh? Are they illustrating some role-playing game that I don't want to know about?

Anonymous said...

If I ever get married, I want that topper where the bride is wearing the pants!

SuBee said...

Ellen, you made me choke on my coffee!
Ray Milland and Rosie Greer!!!!!!

Gary said...

Cake #4 looks like another case where someone brought a photo (clipped from a magazine) to the supermarket bakery and said, "Here's a $300 cake. Can you make it in an hour for $25?

WV: noggins. The customer wanted Cake #3 to read, "Two noggins become one."

Scarlett Robyn said...

lol

Ellen said...

@ SuBee:

Yay, somebody got the reference!

Sorry about the coffee.

Anonymous said...

Alright, maybe they don't look that great, but I think that the "piles of seaweed" are mussels or clams chosen to go along with the sea green color scheme. I'm not sure why mussels are a good decoration for cakes, but I've never understood shell shaped chocolates either. The flavors just clash in my mind.

And there is nothing wrong with two heads becoming one! However, if, as they say, two heads are better than one, are two heads becoming one better than two heads not becoming one?:-)

KB said...

Cake #5 is very figurative, you see, because it demonstrates the beautiful imagery of how marriage makes Ashl-hley and Laren-lare-laren become intertwined and interwoven in each others'...oh nevermind.

KatiMomKat said...

Snort, LOL...

Cake #1. I think it was meant to say: "To have and to hold – *WORD!*

Cake #3. "Two *heats* become one"–now that's more descriptive of the wedding night *snicker*

A Girl In Her Kitchen said...

If you're gonna use a cake topper where the bride is wearing the pants, maybe the words on the cake shouldn't be so sweet. Just sayin'.

http://agirlinherkitchen.blogspot.com

Keri@GlamorousArmy said...

I was told to check your blog out, as you "could be my sister" when comparing wit and humor. I wasn't disappointed.
Keri@GlamorousArmy

Maureen said...

Oh, lovely! Seaweed! Daisies! Crooked layers! Bad lettering. Really, really, bad lettering. Pant-less groom! Cake covering writing!
Aaaahhhhhhh what a bunch of wrecks to enjoy the morning with! Thank you Jen and John!

kayk said...

Of course that first wreckerator had to dot every "I" -- even though the whole cake is upper case.

And is (stacked) Ashley's hubby named "Larence"? I'm doubtful.

BTW, I don't know Ashley, so I can't vouch for how stacked she is, actually.

Sara said...

The best part, by far, of the last cake is the classy groom on top...with no pants. Now that is what makes it perfect.

Kevin Phair said...

I like the last cake where they underlined "that" along with "trustworthy" and "beautiful." It's like they wanted us to make our own sentence out of those three words. Beautiful, that trustworthy! The 'hey' and 'is' are implied, respectively.

Jamie said...

These aren't even funny! They're disgraceful and embarassing! Did any of these decorators honestly sit back and smile at their work and wonder how much the bride would love it? Shame on them!

airhead said...

On the last cake, with the pantless groom, I was thinking that his being pantless had something to do with the emphasis on the word trustworthy. Seriously, how can you do a cake with writing and then ruin it by underlining certain words (and making the underlining look random with 'that')?!?

elissa said...

It's the thought that counts, right?

Amazing how the words on that last one so don't match the cake topper (the bride is wearing the pants).

KatiMomKat said...

*snort, guffaw...*

Cake #1. I think it was supposed to be "To have and to hold to this day...WORD! ;-)

Cake #3. "Two HEATS become one"...prediction for the wedding night?

Cloudy said...

I think on the first one, the wreckerator got to to "poo" and had a laughing fit.

Cake #2 looked so much like a signed high school yearbook that no on could take it seriously.

Cake #3 has 2 heats becoming one.
Or 2 heads. Who really knows?

#4 and #5 are just puzzlingly pitiable.

But Cake #6? Blurg. the sentiment is the most vomitous I have seen in print since 7th grade. "That" is underlined for no earthly reason, and there is no redeeming feature in the decoration or the cake. I has got to be wreckerator's revenge for such a juvenile cake topper. how old were the bride and groom--14???

mike said...

I like this blog...

Adina P said...

I dunno...I keep thinking that last cake was INTENDED to be comical and look ridiculous...?

Amanda said...

Best laugh of the day!

Cherish @ My Cup of Tea said...

I'd be soooo mad...

Celeb Watcher said...

I just found your site. This is fantastic. I <3 U!

pikkewyntjie said...

Why is the Larena/Ashley (or whatever--lesbian couple, perhaps?) cake draped in black fabric? Is it for a funeral? Maybe poor Larena and Ashley died right before the ceremony and everyone figured, we paid for the food and the reception hall is booked. Why waste a party? It's a wake cake now, baby!

I also thought that one cake said "two heads become one." I guess it's for an intellectual couple who doesn't go for all that romance stuff, but there should be little brains piped on the cake, not hearts.

DaMamaJama said...

K, that seaweed cake is bugging me - I think I found "tommoorow" on the bottom tier to the left of Pisces, and "husbend" to the left of the date on the middle tier, but I'm skeptical of "begirring" to the right of Pisces.

WV: fiffr - the sound I made spitting out my tea when I noticed the bride was wearing the pants on that last cake's topper - classy.

Anonymous said...

"POORER" if you look quickly looks like POOPER or POO RER. Either way, a fail.

The seaweed cake...is the baker a haiku or e.e. cummings poet wannabe? how do you read that thing?

on crooked tier/sparkly silk roses cake, does it disturb anyone else that there's an expiration date for the love?

WHO are the people in the black ribbon cake? Ashley and Laren... something? Lorenzo? Lawrence? Lareina?

the last cake with the smudged beautiful, which is not beautiful. why underline "that"? and the fact that "trustworthy" is underlined and the topper has SHE wearing HIS pants makes me really wonder!

Classic Steve said...

I guess they're trying to say the bride "wears the pants in the family." Way to rub it in.

Dragonfly said...

These cakes are exactly why I am TERRIFIED of getting married in a year.

Though, if the worst thing to go wrong is the cake, I think we'll be ok. And I may be able to laugh about by the time the reception comes around, because, well, I'll hopefully feel like, "Who cares, I just married my best friend!"

Rachel said...

I don't know how you can comment on any of these because I just wouldn't know what to say... where to start... where to end... to stop dry heaving...

Anne S said...

After seeing the 2nd cake, I would like to change my initials!

Rebecca said...

The last cake is my favourite, I love the fact that they have paper plates stacked behind, yeah, why even bother to classy up that cake with REAL dishes

JediEasterbunni said...

My 3 1/2 year old son looked at the last cake and said, "Is that a Harry Potter cake?".........guess to a child a wreck such as that is magical

No Cake Fo' You!!! said...

Too much writing on the cakes,,, keep it simple...

"two heads become one"?????

My head hurts now just thinking about that one...

Auntie J said...

On a totally different subject (but still relating to the first Wreck), my husband wanted our wedding vows changed to "for poorer and for poorer yet."

Kelley Prather said...

Those were all just... painful. Truly, truly painful.

Manda said...

Fonts on cakes? I'm amazed she was surprised. Looking at these cakes, I wonder if people chose chain supermarket bakeries in hopes of getting a wrecked wedding cake worthy enough.

Amy said...

The final one looks like it must have been made by a well-meaning (but poorly skilled) relative or family friend.

Craig said...

#1 "BETTERFORRiCHER OR POO RER". Subliminal message received. And the 'or worse (OR WoRSE)' is there; it's the cake itself.

#2 Beach wedding; great. Beach reception; not so great, especially when you didn't check the tide table beforehand. Thank goodness for that waterproof fondant, eh?

#3 "Two Heats Become One." No... just use your own joke here.

#4b At 'Speed-e Bakery,' you can have 'good' or 'fast'. The compromise, of course, is half good and half fast.

#5a/b Wreckerator: "This is going to look kewl! I just have to stack these pre-written layers, and... what? Why are you laughing? What-ever!"

#6 "I thought the topper kind of negated the message, but she insisted."

Oh, yeah -- the future is going to come true, dude. You were handed a lot of business cards with 'Esq.' on them at the reception? Hang onto those. Just sayin'.

The Restaurant Manager said...

Wow. Did they have to pay for those cakes? Hope not!

Sara said...

I think the groom in the last cake is wearing Epcot pants.

WV: micest - These are not the micest wedding cakes I have ever seen. Mine was better, and I made it myself!

Craig said...

#6 That does look like oatmeal.

Notice that the promise starts with 'I', not 'We' -- why do I think the groom wrote that at the bride's direction.

lyndsay said...

egads. it is my nightmare to create a cake like these !!!

it seems crazy that they could present these cakes and be like "oh yes, here it is! isn't it beautiful?" i would run away in shame.

Anonymous said...

And this is why I am going to have a VERY simple wedding cake...

planetnomad said...

I get it. I get it. She wears the pants. Right? Please don't make me have to look at it anymore. (the last cake, that is...)

Shalen said...

Let's not be so critical of the bride wearing the pants. Maybe the groom likes it that way! A bad cake hopefully will not ruin a stable, mutually respectful mistress/slave relationship that works for both of them.

ration: Better ration that wedding cake. There will never be another one like it - if you're lucky.

Kim said...

Is it just me or does the last cake look like a mad-lib with all the underlining?
Great reception ice-breaker game! Winner gets to pipe their answers in!

Carolyn said...

I just can't believe that #3 ("two hearts become one" (giving the benefit of the doubt for "hearts") and #6 (pantless beauty) were made by professionals. Really? Professional whats?

Anonymous said...

After the stunning and jaw dropping wedding cakes that were featured on Sunday these make me feel like I'm being slapped in the face by the nasty oatmeal frosting of the last cake.

Pauline said...

What is the groom on the last cake wearing?....or not wearing? Is he pantless? Really?

Amy Vermillion said...

That's Klassy with a "K".
True love is indeed inspiring…sigh...

Barbi said...

One of the wedding cakes I decorated the bride requested the entire cake be covered with writing, she supplied me with the various phrases and words she wanted incorporated in the design. This was a 3 tier cake and the writing was small and neat and in a slightly deeper ivory color than the background. It looked great when finished, I often wondered if they discovered a couple of my hidden phrases I inserted in the design such as "pick up your socks" , "do the dishes" and "empty the trash"

The Angry Jackalope said...

Tricia, You need to patent that idea. NOW. There is a bakery not far from me that will "rent" you a cake: one that is fake but made to look real. For couples that want a huge wedding cake to show off but don't actually want 700 servings of cake. They're gonna stumble on your idea sooner or later, so get to the patent office now!

Anonymous said...

That last cake is so wrecky, I didn't even notice the topper!!!
WV: Nonis. Nonis better than too much, unless you want your cake to appear in Cake Wrecks.

Moxie said...

First, Ellen wins at life for her reference to that 1972 classic, The Thing with Two Heads.

B, Why would anyone WANT their font on their wedding invitations to appear again on the cake? Just... why???

I think if I ever do get married again, I want a wedding cake with the chorus from Minnie Riperton's classic Loving You written around the sides of the cakes.

la la la la, la la la la, la la la la la la la la la la.....

Anonymous said...

i just love how on the last cake the grooms missing his pants because the brides wearing them LOL
Eden #1 cake wrecks fan

Anonymous said...

i love cake wrecks when we were looking at these and the last we were all looking for the grooms pants and we all laughed really hard when we saw the bride was wearing them! LOL

Angelique said...

I think I know what happened with the "Larene/Ashley" cake (maybe).
When I first looked at it, it seemed as if they brought in a reference photo with a watermark on it that, the wrecker decided, OBVIOUSLY belonged on the actual cake... right?

That's all I've got. If this is what's going on, I'll make my own wedding cake!

Anonymous said...

Did anyone else notice that the "i" on the I will love you isn't upper case either? My wedding cake was made by a friend who was a cook in the Navy and it was beautiful! I agree with SuBee, Little Debbie snackers would have been better!

Anonymous said...

Do these people ever actually go to the bakery and see examples of the bakers work or do they just think Aunt Martha makes such good cookies that she can bake a wedding cake too? I feel bad for the brides but really, when I got married I demanded a book of past work and took careful inventory of the quality of work on display and in the to go out and deliver rack....

Bree said...

Does the "wrong font cake" have the word three instead of these? Must be for one of Charlie Sheen's weddings.

Anonymous said...

Love #5. And the comment. No idea what is going with it! I thought maybe it was Ashley and Clarence?? And is that really asparagus fern in front of the cake? Ellen

Anonymous said...

*answers phone*
Why yes! Here at Speed-E-Cake we have quality products and low prices! Which would you prefer?

I still can't believe that people got paid real money to make those cakes. *shudder*

Elizabeth
Sydney, Australia

tiny purple elephant said...

i can see some well intentioned friend or family member offering to do the cake.....
also writing on a cake or sode of a cake is hard

Monica said...

Please say this means you'll counter these atrocities with a Sunday Sweets where the wedding cakes actually use wording correctly and beautifully?

Ellen said...

Moxie said...

>> First, Ellen wins at life for her reference to that 1972 classic, The Thing with Two Heads. <<

:::bushing:::

Thanks!

Do I get cake? :)


wv - aulia.

Aulia people, listen up! I win! Moxie said so!

Anonymous said...

*sigh*

Wedding Wrecks make me so sad. I know, I know: "demand to see their work! Ask questions! The bride shouldn't have been so effing cheap! Blame the bride, not the baker!"

But, seriously, no one deserves to get this tripe on their wedding day.

VW: Blymies, people are quick to blame to poor bride.

Sarah said...

The thing I noticed in the last one (because I can only focus on so much) is the "unselfish" line and the bride wearing the grooms pants. Really? Nothing says "unselfish" like demaening the other half from the get go.

Craig said...

Good one, @Shalen! LOL

Arlene said...

Lol I can't stop laughing at that topper on the last cake. A groom in his boxers?? Could have been worse I suppose but don't need to give wreckerators any encouragement. I suppose for richer or for poorer just didn't make it into their vows? Or that the cake wreckerator just hated that part lol.

Myleka & Chris said...

I would have raised a hell unheard of on this earth if any of these had been the cake at my wedding!!!! Those poor poor brides!!!

ali said...

why is the last groom missing pants?

Tristi Pinkston said...

If that last cake was my wedding cake, I would cry forever.

Anonymous said...

On the second-to last cake: I like the CONCEPT. It's very eye-catching, modern and unique as opposed to having a lot of stuff like flowers and piping on it. It's a very clean look. IF it's done right.

In the case, the EXECUTION was... well, it was FAIL.

DianaBOl said...

First proper laugh today, thanks for sharing.

Ashlee said...

That is so ridiculously sad. :( If I had wanted something fancy done for my wedding cake (we had a delicious chocolate covered cake with just our names [which is bad enough when we both have unusual names/spellings]), I would have demanded to see photos proving that the bakery/decorator had enough skill to do it. Surely you would peruse their portfolio, when it's for your wedding cake?

I see people start making their chosen bakery/decorator sign a contract guaranteeing they won't CakeWreck the wedding day!

~Ashlee
http://theDragonsHoard.bigcartel.com | Handmade gemstone jewellery

studiorose said...

Wait now, I'm confused. You said "forword" was misspelled. But obviously it's not - look, right there, it says "forword," clear as day. ;)

thehickbride said...

Yes, the last cake is real! I was at the wedding and the bride was devastated by it. (And she TOTALLY wears the pants, so the topper suits them lol.)

Sue KuKu said...

Am I the only one that thinks the last cake mentions the Future can "came" true?

KuKu

Manda said...

Ok hickbride, I'm curious. Did they forget they were getting married and call Wal-Mart the day before? I do love the topper.

I can't imagine that words (or font- to match the invitations *why oh why*) would ever look good on a wedding cake.

Anonymous said...

On the "Three days past forever" Wreck, I thought it said "These days pass forever," which could either be interpreted as "These days take forever to pass," or, "These days are always passing." I prefer the first one.

wv - hogto. It would take someone with the baking skills of a hogto make Wrecks as bad as these.

VeggieT said...

"better, richer or poorer" well your odds are 2 out of 3 which isn't that bad..

wv: prednad e.g. before bakeries hire bakers they should sign a prednad agreement to, you-know, decide who gets to keep the sprinkles if they should ever split up

Brenda C. Boylan said...

I think it looks like spinach on that cake, not seaweed.

Anonymous said...

Wow! That is why I am truly terrified to try a wedding cake....The poor brides must have been devastated...

Anonymous said...

On the bottom cake the word "trustworthy" has also been underlined. My first reaction is that this is an issue in this relationship?