Wednesday, December 8, 2010

The Sign Post

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Better watch out for this bakery, henchpersons:

I hear they'll hang you out to dry.


"TELL US HoW WE ARE DOing.."

"An O you co-A WIN... " uh, some assorted scribbles.

Hey, uh, guys?

YOU'RE ON CAKE WRECKS.

What's that tell you?

Now, tell me what the mystery blob with the vaguely butterfly-like thing on it is supposed to be, and we'll call it even.


The bakers wielding the pastry bags aren't the only culprits, though:

I've seen a lot of these cakes. They live up to their name.


Aw, now why is "home made" in quotes? From that gooey ooze dripping out the bottom I can tell it's JUST like "home made." (Love you, Mom!)


*sigh*


Personally I don't see how you can use a "thank you," no matter WHICH underwear it might belong to.

(Give it a minute.)

(Theeere it is.)


Hey, Melissa P., Jennifer D., April G., Dani, Kelsey H., & Claire M., there's your sign.
Gloom Raider said...

I think I'd actually buy a Chocolate Oblivious cake. Think of the fun of giving it as a gift to someone who doesn't notice the label!

Anonymous said...

Oblivious cake? What cake? I don't see any cake...

tina said...

Thanks for giving me the laugh that I needed this morning!

Keeley said...

I just startled all my animals while laughing maniacally at the thong's. Typos are wonderful things. What, you say they aren't typos?? Oh.

Thanks for the great laughs today and every day, Jen.

Joanna said...

Even if they'd spelled tongs right, it STILL wouldn't require an apostrophe.....{sigh}....

When such enormities are committed by native speakers, it amazes me that non-native speakers manage to learn English at all.

Cake Wrecks has reinforced my own principle never to serve store-bought baked goods!

Anonymous said...

so do you win $2.00 or $200?? (or $20.00 or $2000??)

Psycho said...

"Oblivious cake" What Sten meant when he said "There is no cake. The cake is a lie." And yes I know that's originally from Bioshock (I think :P) but I'm a Dragon Age fan. Anywho I think that crazy blob is supposed to be "And you can win $2000 dollars" But that's just a guess.

John said...

I'd rather use the jockstrap's thank you, it's subdued but completely exposed and honest. The thong's thank you has a tendancy to creep up and surprise you... :P

The Boob Nazi said...

I agree with Gloom Raider.

Louisa said...

I live near a cake shop called "Pisa Cake", except the sign is in fancy script, and looks more like it says "Piss Cake". How appetizing.

Classic Steve said...

I hope three inches is the height, not the diameter.

Where were these photos taken? Not in the U.S., I hope.

Ambitious Blonde said...

umm is it a pot of gold with a leprechaun popping out?? It kind of looks like a person....or not. lol

Karen said...

oh wow--that first photo wouldn't have happened to come from a bakery in East Cambridge MA, would it?

mladybright said...

Thong's Thank You!! BWahahahahaaaaaaaaaaa

Oh my.. I needed that today!!

Thank you. (from me, not my thong)

AH, this world in which we live in - makes me wonder how anything ever gets done if this is the usual manner of distributing information.

~~Di

wv - pholyp -- not sure why this makes me think of the fountain with a pissing cherub on each side of it?

Amy said...

Thank goodness the screen cleaning spray and microfiber cloth were close at hand since my computer wore a half a cup of hazelnut coffee when I got to the "thong's" picture.

Really, really, really must remember not to drink coffee when reading Cake Wrecks.

Mama Rizzo said...

yep, my guess was a cauldron and a leprechaun hat.

Robin said...

Love this post! Thanks for the laugh!

The Litwillers said...

The bag...the bag...CAN'T BREATHE IN BOLD LETTERS....ROFL.....

Monique said...

psyho it's not Bioshock it's portal yes the cake is a lie

Anonymous said...

I can see people at the local mega-mart using cheetah print thongs to take rolls out of the bin!!!

Elizabeth C. said...

OMG you actually got me with the "give it a minute" on the Thong's

Snort.

Thanks for making a crappy day better!

KB said...

Nothing like some horrible punctuation and incorrect word usage to brighten my day! :)

Zia Madeira said...

is that an Egyptian duck wanting feedback? This is a great post!

Mary Connealy said...

Call me Master of the Obvious (or maybe Master of the Oblivious) but can something in a grocery story plastic container, really be called "Home Made"

I'm sorry I typed it out loud.

Tricia L said...

My first guess was squished cowboy boot, but that doesn't make any sense. The $2.00, $20.00, $2000 ambiguity is so people will THINK it is $2000 and then they draw the winner and announce it really says $2.00.

I believe Chocolate Oblivious cake should be Chocolate Oblivion. That is slightly less lethal than Death By Chocolate Cake. The 3-inch size is to keep some of us from eating large amounts in one sitting.

snarkygurl said...

I'd wear the last one on a T-shirt. Hint, hint, hint...

Valerie said...

Always a good part of my morning. Thong's... OMG!

Bin said...

Leprechaun and pot?
No, I see a big brown apple with a leaf and stem at the top.
I'm guessing it might be the store logo or something?

Anonymous said...

Thanks to Joanna I won't be wondering WTF on the thong's (sic) all day long!

I think that "butterfly" thingy is actually a snail.

Danger Boy said...

I wish someone could cast obliviate on the oblivious cake.
Also, the cookie seems to be offering a 2000 bill, which could refer to a made up piece of money, you owing them money, or an ex-president. The mind boggles.

Jennifer said...

Ooh, I see your Doctor Who reference there... :)

Marcy W. said...

"the thong's thank you" BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! And John's comment about the jock strap - BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Anonymous said...

..was going to say it looks like a turkey, but I think Mama Rizzo is right.

john said...

The laundromat has "Happy Birthday" banners hanging over the wedding cakes.

@Classic Steve:
Sorry, but $ currency + bad English leaves little doubt about the origin. Canadia and Austrialand have better English.

LaurenH said...

Let's see...looks to me like the ambiguous cookie design is in a coffee shop so.... i still got nothin' :P (Maybe a tea kettle!??? You know, being that it looks nothing like a tea kettle!)

TFC said...

What puzzles me is how a Chocolate Oblivious cake doesn't expire for over a month. What is IN that??

Anonymous said...

A Thong's thank you isn't worth a Tinker's damn.

Penelope said...

Er, I believe the "butterfly thing" is a leprechaun's hat, and the big brown thing is a cauldron, full of gold.

wv: mintend - These cakes mintend to be "home made".

barn said...

I think the cookie blob is a badly drawn money bag. The blob itself is the bag, the butterfly body/hat brim thingy is the tie, and the wings/hat thingy is the gathered part of the bag. Fits with the ambiguous give-away context.

Anonymous said...

The "chocolate oblivious" (great name, actually) cake came from the Ben Lomond Market in Scotts Valley, California. Notice that the name of the town should be "Scotts Valley", not "Scott's Valley". Incorrect cake nomenclature AND incorrect punctuation, double score!

Stoich91 said...

*reads caption*

(Give it a minute.)

(Theeere it is.)

*scratches head* "Huh?"
*re-reads photo*
*re-reads caption*
*re-reads photo*
*re-reads cap-*

"ohhh...I get it!!!":D

Your timing is that of an impossibly incredible comedian. High-hilarity, as always! :D

Jen said...

I think the butterfly thing might be a thumbs-up turned on its side...

Craig said...

On the feedback cookie, I see a snail on a brown apple. How are they doing? If the business in question is a bakery, not so great. May I have my prize now?

Oh wait -- it says "you can win $2,000... bill?" Since there is no $2,000 currency in the normal universe, maybe the winner gets to pick up someone's really big tab. Think I'll pass.

Banana bread shouldn't leak, "home made" or otherwise. Why do I sense a Sandra Lee influence here. Funny how 'Sandra Lee' and 'influence' seem to go together...

"Combine bananas and marshmallows. If you don't have bananas, you can use plantains. If you don't have those either, just use whatever you do have. But you have to use marshmallows -- the bigger, the better.

Dump the marshmallow-and-whatever mixture on store-bought angel food cake and serve."

Loo-E Loo-I said...

These are just too funny - love Bob Engvall reference too!

1. I wonder if you can "drop your pants here"? (a local dry cleaners has this on their sign).

2. Egads! My eyes hurt from trying to read that! I think it says $2,000 dollars. Sigh. Having $ and writing out the word dollars with it? Really?

3. *Snort* @ Gloom Raider!

4. What IS that yellow blob under the words supposed to be? Is that supposed to resemble a banana? FAIL.

5. *Facepalm* I guess they reeeaaaallly want you to know there is wheat and soy in that product.

6. ROTFLMBO! And when you're finished with the "thong's" you can have them cleaned at Maria's Laundromat!

wv: hualic: I'm a Cake Wrecks-hualic!

yodafatkitty said...

Ha! I had it right away. Awesome.

alex-atlantis said...

I'm sorry. I HAVE to make the joke.

At least you know your cake won't have any dirty jokes!

Letitia said...

Ok people, I don't care if it is a laundered thong, please don't use it to pick up dinner rolls. (no I don't care about the possesive :-)

T said...

there's a sign out here that actually says Ho-Made pies... cracks me up every time!

Anonymous said...

the butter fly thing is a leprechaun hat, the thing with the writing on it is "a pot of gold"

Linda V @ Bubble and Sweet said...

I actually think the buterfly blob is a turkey

NBB said...

That big cookie with the butterfly thing reminded me of this http://www.p7blogger.de/bueroblog/wp-content//schokokeks.jpg

Anonymous said...

If you knew the Ben Lomand area of Scotts Valley, it would be all very clear. The old hippies that live there are well... are somewhat... And, don't ask what is in the chocolate. Thanks again, CW. I love you. Norine

BarbHumor said...

you just crack me up.

BarbHumor said...

I say again, you guys just crack me up.

naadhira said...

Ack! The Oblivious cake came from my home town market! (I don't live there anymore...)

Nope... nothing witty to add to that.

WV: rumpent: the regret that comes from eating that last piece of alcohol-soaked fruitcake.

DanNZ said...

I read "Tell us how we are doing and you can win $2 Poo Doo"

I don't think I want to win.

Bin said...

Okay, now I completely agree with Barn that the brown cookie blob is a money bag. The top part just isn't colored in like the main part.

Tyler said...

In defense of the "Home Made" banana bread, you can see that the ingredients are just "sugar, flour, banana, egg, butter." So perhaps it is like banana bread Mom would make...just not well packaged. Also, I think the "gooey ooze" is just batter that dripped on the edge before baking.

The "in bold letters" is hilarious! I guess they are hiring cake wreckers to type nutrition labels now?

Maria said...

That "alert:bold" reminds me of my late dog's pedigree. This was the 1970's when you used carbon paper for duplicates. He had a looong, fine name, that ended with "Asmar Bintie Carbon Copy". *lol*

Troy W said...

A good way to get a yeast infection...

Cloudy said...

I also think the butterfly blob on the very-poorly-written-on cookie is a hat of some sort--but if it IS a leprechaun hat, what have they done with him? Just his hat and a really ugly bag? (And it looks like you can win "2,000 down" to me--I have bought too many cars in my life, I guess.)

It really did take me a while to think about why thongs OR thong's were OR was being discussed. Who could think that there was an H anywhere in the word? My mental picture kept flickering back and forth between the shoes and the underwear--not pretty in any case.

Theresa said...

I showed my roommate the last photo and she said, "Please use the thongs to pick out your buns!" I love puns.

Rainyday said...

The butterfly blob is totally a money bag. Even I don't want to win it! Not for $20, $200, or $2000!!

Thongs - man, that cracked me up!

Anonymous said...

I'd say the wacky cookie cake is a leprechaun's cauldron (pot of gold) with a leprechaun's hat perched on the side.

AllyBally said...

Not sure why, but on the cookie cake I'm seeing a pot of gold (the brown/black blob) with a leprechaun hat on top (the "butterfly")... see it? No? Oh well. Loved the post today, anyway. My thongs' Thank Yous are VERY usable :)

Deb C. said...

i think the blob-butterfly-thing is supposed to be a phone..... you know, so you can call and tell them how they're doing.... maybe....

JennyLLC said...

I seriously think it's a turkey, god help us all!

The Thomans said...

I'm not sure what it says about my mental state, but I thought it was fairly obvious that the brown cookie blob was a money bag, the kind that cartoon bank robbers would gleefully abscond with. I thought the caption was just a joke, because while it was poorly drawn, it was obviously a money bag.

Then I read the comments and discovered I must have the brain of a wreckerator, because it was most decidedly not obvious to the population at large that it was a money bag.

I think I need therapy now.

Anonymous said...

On the feedback cake.... I see the mushroom from mario brothers, no?

Anonymous said...

The last one should definitely be cross-listed on Apostrophe Abuse or Apostrophe Catastrophes!

Cindi said...

I hope Coleen feels no pressure being told when her deadline is to sell the Chocolate Oblivious cake by. It's all about the commission, Coleen!

Stacey said...

I think the blob on top of the $ is actually supposed to be the top of a money bag. But, if they colored (frosted) it, they would lose all manner of detail. And we can see how important details are to this particular wrecker.

Totally loved the "give it a minute" because I had to do just that. Do you have a tiny camera inside your computer that allows you to see just how we will react? Hysterical!!!

Sandy T. said...

Thank you! There's nothing more that I hate than the wrong use of apostrophes (they don't indicate plurals, people, they mean possession!), except possibly for spelling "tongs" as "thongs" (yecch, that image). And don't you love that no one knows simple definitions anymore? Y shd we? No 1 cares anymr.

wildmaven said...

The butterfly/cookie thing is a moneybag. See the strap around the top and the moth-eaten edges to the bag. Unfortunately, they didn't color the top of the bag the same as they did the bulk of the bag.

goblue562 said...

The "Tell us how we're doing" cookie is at Paradise Bakery in the C Terminal at Denver's airport.. I did submit that one a while back, actually hated to do it since I just LOVE Paradise Bakery, but just couldn't believe that they had that cookie sitting there in all of its inglorious misery. :)

Sharon said...

Glad to see the cake people are upfront about the lack of Vitamin A in their baked goods

jillb-ilslp said...

@ John's jock strap - nice.

And Troy, these obviously aren't kosher buns.

Anonymous said...

Thong's ... I should point out that, in Australia, thongs are footwear (America calls them flip-flops, I think).

Footwear vs underwear ... I'd say serving food with either (clean or otherwise) is rather high on the 'ick factor' scale.

Definitely apostrophe abuse though.

Thanks for the laugh.

Elizabeth
Sydney, Australia.

Annette said...

it's a hand waving! :) Thanks for the laughter.

Adorably Dead said...

I think I'm going to have to pay more attention to the things Ibuy from now on.

Aliza said...

OK, I saw a money bag, so I guess I need therapy too :) Loved your feedback about them being on CW!

But, am I the only one who read about the 3" and snickered that yup, oblivion is just the half of it? (pun intended) Maybe my mind is just too naughty ;)

So the descendents of the headstone carver also went into ingredients writing, and not just cake decorating?

@Thongs... thanks for the laugh followed by the howl with laughter when I got the rest of the joke (yup, about a full minute there).

Sukey said...

I used to live in Ben Lomand, CA, a hippie community in the mountains above Santa Cruz. Believe me, PLENTY of people there regularly partake of Chocolate Oblivious cake.

Anonymous said...

Warning signs?

Heather said...

Oh I have to go take a picture of the wall in my local grocery store. Where the Donuts are it says "Don ts" and they are right... don't buy them!

cynthia said...

ugh! the wrong usage of apostrophes is one of my pet peeves!!!

Anonymous said...

I don't know what's funnier: the "Alert in bold letters" or the "*sigh*" after it!

seriously, need to pee BEFORE I read Cake Wrecks...

-Barbara Anne

Anonymous said...

P.S. the soundtrack in my head will be stuck on REPEAT with Cisco's "Thong Song" for the rest of the night.

-Barbara Anne

pikkewyntjie said...

ALERT: IN BOLD LETTERS: Great post. My thong said "thank you," and, yes, it was the one I used to pick up the bread.

Wolverine Girl said...

Let me see those to-o-ongs
Baby, those tong t-tong tong tongs
I like it when the cake goes
Baby, make your cookie go-o-o-o
Those tong t-tong tong tongs

Craig said...

Ok, I see the money bag now (though for a while there I thought I was going to have to take some really big chocolate chip cookies to the EPCOT shelter).

So anyone who tells them how they're doing can win $2,000 dollars. Who decides the winner -- the Department of Redundancy Department?

A bakery in an airport -- great idea. I could see where some comfort food might come in handy while contemplating the prospect of an exam more thorough than that given by most doctors.

'Bob Engvall' must be Bill's brother -- evidently, they both do "Here's Your Sign". ;-)

Arlene said...

They would have to pay me $2,000 just to eat that horrid cookie cake thing. Lol maybe that was why they offered to pay said "winner". Scary.

Eliza A. said...

This whole post just made me laugh so hard. XD

Anonymous said...

Looking at the ingredient list of the Bold Letters photo, I think that might have been a key. As in, bolded ingredients contain wheat/soy. Still, fabulously stupid typo :)

best protein shake said...

These cakes look really good. They're making me soooo hungry!

Angie said...

Oh my, but that last one REALLY got me. (Especially since I sing in the church choir and am forever mis-singing "throng" - which is in lots of Easter songs - as "thong". Now I'll really laugh when I screw that up next time.)

And my guess in the "how we are doing" cake is a turkey. What do I win?

isabeau said...

The blob is obviously a REALLY BIG snail poop. With the snail it came from on top.

(On first glance I sort of conflated it with the Maria's Laundromat pic, and thus saw a thing that maybe could have been a Maria-like cartoony person -- the blob is her skirt, the snail head is an outstretched arm, her face is above it -- with a chip for an eye no less! -- and she's wearing a hat, and the two things that I eventually realized were part of the stand are feet. She is, idk, dancing, and obviously very pregnant to boot.)

...and obviously the yellow illegible writing stuff is actually "$2,000 bill", in that they charge you $2k to tell them how they're doing. It's a fundraiser, you see.

Anonymous said...

Just want to say thatthat is the best, funniest and most comprehensive Starwarts story I have ever heard! Love, love, loved it!

Anonymous said...

I've heard of bakeries that will take you to the cleaners, but this is ridiculous.

Bridget Delaney said...

You know, I have the origin story of "The Cake is a Lie." It's not from a movie. It's not really suitable to write here, except, maybe, with those, uh, "rocket," cakes. http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/2718293/phrase_origins_the_cake_is_a_lie.html?cat=7

Monique might like that.

Jenn said...

Do you know Lynne Truss by any chance? I think you might be long-lost relatives! (Seriously though, if you haven't read her books you should. You'd love them!)

Molly said...

Note to self: Do not browse Cake Wrecks after putting on eye makeup.

GirlNamedCorrie said...

hmmm....thong's thank you. Not sure how I would actually use that, but I know if I have the opportunity to use it, then my working out and dieting has finally made my hiney so perfect that my panties thank me for wearing them! :D

Fun377 said...

I think if we said how you were doing, you wouldn't give us that 2 million(?).