Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Santa's Little Inept Helper

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

[shop bell tinging]

"Hello, I'd like to register a complaint."

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that, sir. What seems to the problem?"

"I'll tell you what the problem is, my good man: I came in here yesterday to enlist your services in procuring my daughter's Christmas gifts. I even gave you her list:

"Yes, yes, very good. And?"

"And the presents you provided were severely substandard."

"Surely not!"

"I should say so. Just look at this doll you sent over:

"Ah, lovely doll, the Cindy Yella, isn't it? Beautiful blue skirt."

"It appears to be made of tentacles."

"Those add texture."

"And you spilled your coffee on it."

"That was there before."


"I see. And what about this 'bike'?"

"What about it?"

"I stated very clearly that my daughter is six years old, and wanted a tricycle."

"Yeah, but it looks cool on the ketchup and mustard smears, dudn't it?"

"So I suppose you thought jamming an entire deck of playing cards into icing looked 'cool' as well, did you?"


"What if I told you that wand magically cleans off all the icing?" [wink]

"Oh, does it?"

"No.

But it might."

"You just said it wouldn't."

"But it might."

[staring]

"Fine. Now, would you kindly explain this?"

"It's a puppy."

"It's a dead dog."

"Puppies are dogs."

"But it is DECEASED."

"No, no, he's just resting!"

"Resting? RESTING?!?

****
Say, you ever get the feeling we've said this before?"

"Yeah. Yeah I do."

"Huh."

"Huh."

****
"You...uh... wanna grab a cup of coffee?"

"Ooh, let's!"



Thanks to Mindy S., doctorhj, Yael, Stephanie, & Laura K., who agree that dead puppies aren't much fun.
Aren said...

I... I kind of like the creepy Cinderella dress... O_O

WV: kibillop - I don't know what this means, but it made me smile.

Anonymous said...

That dog looks not only dead, but wearing a toupee and dead.
mocking

A.J. said...

Aah, zombie dog! I don't want to eat it!

ViolaNut said...

It's much funnier when you picture Palin and Cleese saying the lines. :-)

WV: numbks - The little girl was obviously numbks with horror at the sight of the - errrrm... vaguely dog-shaped roadkill.

Jenny H. said...

I never thought that the Dead Parrot sketch could be made to work for a cake that is bleedin' demised. THANK YOU! This made my day.

Kelley said...

That puppy appears to have suffered a massive head injury. Or is that supposed to be a bow on its' head?

Donna said...

That puppy has ceased to be. I bet it's nailed down to the base, too.

Love Monty Python! :)

Captain Micah said...

Pining for the FIELDS?!

WifeOfSeth said...

Are the Cinderella and dog "cakes" (term used very loosely) moldy?? *gag*

Yael said...

Hey, the bloody bike accident cake I submitted (umm, some time last year, I think; WreckHQ must have a LOT of submissions) is on here! Hooray!
For those who might wonder about it: my boyfriend and I ran into it in a Dairy Queen store in Niagara Falls (the Canadian one), and immediately realised the wrecky potential. I assume the red-and-yellow smears are meant to be flames, but the first thing that came to mind was 'roadkill cake'. But not of the dead-armadillo variety. Just... you know, bloody.

Allison said...

That dog cake has rung down the curtain and joined the bleeding choir invisibule!

Danger Boy said...

This post absolutely slayed me. Now I'm an ex-dangerboy. I've shuffled off this mortal coil! Bereft of...anyway, i love the Parrot reference. ;)

Anonymous said...

Did the decorator offer to demonstrate his "Rising Magic Wand"?

earlleen said...

thanks, i am going to have that dead puppies song playing in my head all day!

~flying gurl~ said...

ya know I have become a cake wrecker hunter because of this...*sigh* with my trusty camera in hand I stalk the poor bakery area for ineptly iced confections in hopes of being *wreckognized as an official cake wrecker!:)* Keep up the great work!

~flying gurl~ said...

the ever green nasty booger dog btw was ghastly :)

mladybright said...

ROFL

Poor dead, moldy doggie. Puppy. Python. Ya kill me!

Maybe Cinda Yella was heading to an undersea ball with the Little Mermaid? Y'know, maybe?

I must confess I had to figure out that the black bar across the middle of the cake was a wand.

Ah, the voices in my head whilst reading CW...

~~Di

ladycrim said...

They don't pine for the fijords; they pine for the trees.

(Get it? Pine ... trees? ... Why are you looking at me like that?)

Mrs. Howard said...

Loves me some Dead Parrot parody!

The 'icing' on Cindy Yella's skirt looks more like toothpaste straight from the tube.

Fluffy Cow said...

The dead dog almost made me throw up. I cannot even imagine why I was not better prepared.

wildmaven said...

Oh good grief! How hard is it to draw a scroll?! *flail*

Anonymous said...

The Dead Parrot Sketch reference is brilliant, definately made my day.

shadow said...

Nice. A dead parrot AND a dead puppies reference all at once! :D

My ex used to sing the dead puppies song. I still love it, though. ;)

Amy B. said...

Nice Bob and Tom Show reference!

10 Points!

Anonymous said...

Many times your comments make me smile, but today you got the LOL with the Monty Python reference. Thanks for the laugh!

Anonymous said...

Yeah, Fido's resting... just like the parrot.

Craig said...

What is it with Cinderella and animals? First she was riding a dinosaur, now her mode of conveyance is a jellyfish. I guess I shouldn't be surprised, given that the pumpkin coach was pulled by 'horses' who were really mice.

The only thing is, I could almost certify I see the hint of a five-o'clock shadow on 'her' face. Anything else we should know, 'Cindy'?

#3 There's nothing worse than cruisin' down the highway, lookin' for adventure, when all of a sudden -- a condiment slick! When are they going to ketchup to these hot doggers and take them off the road?!

#4 It could be worse -- the cards could be made of fondant. At least they appear to be new, so there isn't much of a food safety issue. Why do I think most of Gavin and Trevor's card tricks are going to involve ants.

#5 I hate things pertaining to dead dogs with the white-hot passion of a thousand suns. With that out of the way, once you get rid of the green (really? Green?) frosting and the overall proportioning problem, you are left with... something that probably wouldn't be seen here.

Are we sure this isn't a Frosting Wreck? We need a mid-serve photo to be sure. For that matter, frosting overload seems to be today's theme.

You know, too much frosting can cause dental problems. A friendly reminder from me, Lemming. That's Lemming, of the BDA.

pikkewyntjie said...

I wish Santa would bring me a zombie puppy!

WV: digth
How Sylvester the cat says "digs"

Scotland said...

Absolutely fantastic post... that Cindy Yella dress nearly made my eyes bleed tho

I love the Monty Python parody, I joined a choir a couple of months ago that is named after part of that sketch... The Choir Invisible!

gina said...

The song "Dead Puppies" would also be appropriate.

Gail said...

*laughs* Perfect timing! I am wearing my Monty Python "Beautiful Plumage" shirt today!!!!

Julie said...

Not many people can out-Python Python, but you did! :)

Julie said...

Not many people can out-Python Python, but you did! :)

Erica T. said...

I think that dog is pining for the fjords.

Isabella said...

I think the Cinderella one is really what happens if you combine Ursula from the Little Mermaid with Cinderella. Don't confuse your Disney characters!

Nala said...

love the Monty Python reference!

Lisey said...

In regards to Cindy Yella, have you seen the new photo of Mariah Carey in her sparkly princess gown on people.com? (http://www.people.com/people/package/gallery/0,,20442843_20443632,00.html) She bears a striking resemblance.

clan of the cave hair said...

the "Donor"cycle cake just wasn't big enough to also feature the lifeless body that was tossed 30 feet into the air and then dragged across 6 lanes....that's not ketchup...;)

Pam said...

OK, if you can stand even MORE Python-esque stuff...the Cindyeller cake made me think of the part in Holy Grail where the prince doesn't want to marry the princess even though she's got "HUGE...tracts of land" (substitute dresses for tracts of land, and there you have it. My two favorite things in this world are Cake Wrecks and Monty Python. :)

debbie does cakes said...

that dog is just "pining for the Fiords"

Lori said...

the Dead Puppies reference takes me back to my Dr. Demento days... love it!

missoularedhead said...

That dog was just wrong, wrong, wrong.

Arlene said...

Ah now I get the dead puppies thing.. it pays to pay more attention sometimes lol. Ah well at least I am now able to get in here. Seems evil monkeys tried to keep me out by wanting an id and password.. well I showed them..by swearing and yelling a lot lol.

Kelsey said...

Coincidentally, a few hours after I saw the update this morning I saw some reruns of Monty Python with the dead parrot sketch. I read it just now and heard half the post in John Cleese's high "stuck up complainer" voice.

iNdi@na said...

mmm roadkill pie

Anonymous said...

O_o what were those bakers THINKING????? How could they try to sell those?

Deb said...

Hey, that dog is not dead. Don't you know a dog in camouflage when you see one. That's an Army service dog!

Cutelilsnot said...

Mom said puppy's days are through...she's going to throw him in the stew!!!!!

Sami said...

They don't come when you call, they don't chase squirrels at all. Dead puppies aren't much fun.

DawnP said...

Parrot Sketch not included with your purchase of said Wrecks! ROFL!

Jackie said...

My son's comment on the puppy cake: "That's a turd-a-tastrophe!"

Gary said...

The plumage don't enter into it!

Jean Burke said...

Awesome.....This parrot is no more! He has ceased to be! 'E's expired and gone to meet 'is maker! 'E's a stiff! Bereft of life, 'e rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed 'im to the perch 'e'd be pushing up the daisies! Thanks for the laughs.....

Anonymous said...

I love how you found cakes to match your prelude "list."

meanwhile, Barbie's skirt is freaky--are we sure she's not an extra in the upcoming Pirates of the Caribbean movie??

and what a waste of a perfectly good deck of cars. just clumped on there into the icing.

Anonymous said...

the dog is moldy, too!

Valerya Baker said...

Uh, what 6 year old still rides a tricycle?

Anonymous said...

Yes!! I took the picture of the "scroll" a few weeks ago and had to submit it. I am a decorator myself, but I found this at Super Target

Anonymous said...

....
my puppy died late last fall
he's still rotting in the ..
box?!

Jessie said...

These look so funny - but I'd still eat them lol!

The puppy is so cute :)

Keep up the good work!

nicoleandmaggie said...

Oh great, now I'm going to have the dead puppies song stuck in my head for the rest of the week.

Aliza said...

Ah good, I'm not the only one that looked at the motorcycle cake and thought "donor-cycle". Thanks @Clan! I guess this was the wreckerator's way of convincing the six year old not to switch from tricycle to motorcycle?

And sickly green for an animal? I guess they've never seen an actual dog before!

Flea said...

My puppy died
Late last fall
He's still rotting
In the hall


I'm looking over
My dead dog, Rover
Who I hit with a power mower ...