Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Prepare To Feel Festive

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

...whether you like it or not.


Ok, gang, let's run through that check list again.

Homicidal ghost penguins?

Check.


Santa's head on a pike?

Well, it's more like a "turret," but... check.



Pistol Pete's Gingerbread Gun Shop?

Shoot, look's like this baker's gunnin' for a raise! Quite a bang up job, too! Ha ha!

I mean: check.


Alrighty, looks like we're all set!

[speaking into headset] We have a "go" on "Festivities." Repeat: we have a "go" on "Festivities." Proceed with operation "Flower Dump."

Ah, the spirit is moving already!


Ok, let's get wardrobe in here to dress those frogs I ran over last night.

Perfect! They look just like reindeer!

Now, we just need to cram 57 wrapped candy canes, three pounds of icing, and this bucket of plastic flotsam onto a single cake round. Move it, team, move it!

I am so proud of you all right now I could just bust.


Well, gang, that's a wrap. Now, get out there this weekend, and have a ball!

Er.

Perhaps in a more figurative sense.


Felicitations to festive feelers Chardy C., Rose B., Amber, Dustin S., Cadence M., Ashley D., & Amy W.

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CCC Day #9


Birthday Wishes' mission is simple: to bring birthday parties to homeless children.

Click here to donate your dollar.
Anonymous said...

I hope Jospeh enjoyed his birthday!

Susie said...

"Happy Birthday Jospeh!" :-)

tarragon918 said...

I've never commented before, but ... did you miss that "Joseph" was mis-spelled on that cake with the (gag!) flattened frogs that I am guessing are supposed to be reindeer?! Ah, the poor grocery store bakery personnel, I forgive them the badly crafted reindeer, but mis-spelling Joseph is pretty bad.

Angie said...

Great googly moogly!!


wv is honestly drove - which is appropriate because, obviously, somebody drove over those brown, spotted frogs....

Sharon said...

You had me at Homicidal Ghost Penguins.

How can anyone think a pile of poo on top of (really badly piped) flowers is appetizing? Was that the wreckerators response to their own decorating? "Well I did a crappy job on those flowers, let's just make sure EVERYONE knows it." PLOP!

**Head smack** **SIGH**

I have to go make something pretty now to get those images out of my head.

Sharon's Edible Art

Anonymous said...

Was the poo supposed to be a cornucopia? Blech!

Happy Birthday Jospeh!

Danger Boy said...

Tune in next time as Jospeh stalks the elusive reindeer frogs of Outer Mongolia...

Sandy C also in SoFla said...

OMG.. the poo next to red and white spike plants. That one made me pause... I camp and hike and it does not take a genius to figure out that red and white spiked plants mean danger.

But then I had the same thought at Sharon... crappy icing job deserved a little symbolism. Probably what the wreckorator felt about their job or boss.

tjbmurph said...

This was funnier to me than you intended. I often use "festive" as a nicer "f" word to describe all the @#$% snow we get here....


btw, congratu-ma-lations on your 1004th post!

Susanna King said...

Looks like Grandpa finally got his revenge on the reindeer.

S Ketne said...

I personally enjoy the Jell-o puddle of Santa blood behind his decapitated head on a turret!

Anonymous said...

Anyone else hope that somewhere there is a punk rock band called 'The Homicidal Ghost Penguins'?

Oh, just me then. Okay.

Dani said...

My Three year old is sitting with me as I scrolled down to that forth one before I even looked at it she said, "Look Mama Poopoo!"

I told her that's her birthday cake 'cause today is her birthday.

Eleanor said...

That santa head is the same as the bizarre ones sitting on top of red globes with icing caterpillars crawling down their backs. The very same.

I feel very much like a Wreck geek now.

Anonymous said...

@Anonymous--if there *isn't* a band called the Homicidal Ghost Penguins, there should be!!!

mamalong said...

That red thing that is, at close inspection, a separate cake behind the Santa Pike cake, looks at first glance like a pool of blood behind Santa's head.

Mary Connealy said...

I think I'm a little more frightened and confused by today's post than usual.

Why do you think that is?

Too much fudge, I suppose.

Brooke said...

Why did somebody poo on the poinsettia covered pumpkin? Alliterative purposes?

Anonymous said...

Today's post was just what in needed after all the pre-Christmas seasonal chaos that is an integral part of my career. Loved the penguins, hooted at the Santa head on a pike but the reindeer frogs had me guffawing loudly!
I was puzzled by the black fish hook on the last cake, util I realized it was supposed to be an ornament hook. Quite the nasty little surprize to swallow, either in reality or as black(BLECCCH) icing!

You guys are awesome! Have a Happy
Holidayand hope Santa brings you LOTS of fresh cake wrecks(but not in your stockings! Heh!)

Caroline B said...

Now I feel a whole lot better about decorating my own Christmas cake - at least it won't have a ruddy great turd on top!

Loo-E Loo-I said...

Ok, ok I'm festive!

Cake #1: Homicidal Ghost Penguins *snort* *giggle* *ROTFLOL* Poor Mumble...

Cake #2: AH-HA! So that's what happens to Santa's head when the other flotsam half is stuck in the chimney! (side note: I know decapitated Santa is at peace because he has a "halo".)

Cake #3: At least they put candy and gum drops on it instead of shell casings...and beer cans o.O

Cake #4: Poo-settias!

Cake #5: NO EPCOT PLEASE! I'm sure Jen & John know about Jospeh! ;-D

Cake #6: What a sugar rush that is! My children will NEVER have that cake. Never, ever, forever.

Cake #7: It took me a couple looksies to figure out what that was supposed to be - even with your clue! *facepalm* That was a terrible execution of ornamental proportions!


wv: wheschit: These cakes look like wheschit !

Merry Christmas & Happy New Year!

BakeAbox said...

I gave my MIL the link to this site, told her it was HILARIOUS, and what is the first thing she sees? A brown reindeer in the shape of a penis. I'm still laughing!

Stella said...

Truly, I can't stop laughing about the squashed reinfrogs. I gotta get my piping bag out!

msyendor said...

For little Jospeh -- Crunchy frogs! Oh, we use only the finest baby frogs, dew-picked and flown from Iraq, cleansed in the finest quality spring water, lightly killed ...


wv: crettligs -- I see little crettligs in the flowers, a little gargoyle face in the center of the top red flower and a modfied storm trooper head in the bottom red flower.

Herouth said...

I think we have a bad case of Epcot here. Jospeh is an actual name.

My mom once had a therapist by that name, though I'm not sure she spelled it exactly the same (yes, the site says it's a boy's name; the therapist was a woman).

tasteofbeirut said...

Happy Birthday to Joseph!

Laura P. said...

"Flower dump". Classic.

And call me crazy, but I'm loving that gingerbread house gun shop! If I was making a gingerbread house this year, I would totally copy that! Except maybe name if after our local gun shop. Anyway, way cool. (of course this is from the gal who has been asking for more handgun wrecks. teeheehee)

Craig said...

#1 An igloo with a flat roof and a door? No wonder the penguins are upset -- their neighbors probably can't stop laughing.

#2 Well, the new year is fast approaching; time to get rid of all the frosting that is about to expire. I see decorated sticks of butter in the background -- there must be a story there.

#3 I'm a Second Amendment supporter myself, but...?

#4 Does the red flower have a mouth? "Feed me -- but enough with the roughage, already!"

#5 Can we say, 'rush job'? I knew we could. Like the wreckerator, I have no idea how to depict reindeer viewed from above, though I'm pretty sure their legs shouldn't splay out like that. I doubt 'Jospeh' would have objected to a conventional side view, even if it messes with perspective.

#6 Is this a Sandra Lee 'cakescape'?

#7 I think the Grinch might be returning to his old ways; why else would there be meathooks in Who-ville?

deb said...

Guess Grandma isn't the only thing that got run over by a reindeer! Those frog-deers were victims, too!

Anonymous said...

Jospeh? I thought it was Tospeh! These were scarier than most of the Halloween posts.

Shannon said...

I was actually cackling reading thru today's post. Poor Joseph, who wants flattened reindeer for their birthday?! LOL!! Off to send this link to many friends who need to laugh!

mladybright said...

Poor frogs never get a break at Christmas, no matter how they dress up.

Actually, it only took a quick look at the first photo to make cringe and expect the worst.

The post was as I expected.

I must say, though, the poo on the flowers (?) cake had me WTFestive?

~~Di

BADKarma! said...

As everyone knows, nothing... And I mean NOTHING says "Christmas Spirit" like a bunch of poinsettas and a giant turd!

WV - catint: That fourth cake clearly had a catint.

Andrea K. said...

"Homicidal Ghost Penguins"...

Can't... stop... laughing... LOLOLOL!

When I get my "Rock Band 3" set up, I am definitely naming my band "Homicidal Ghost Penguins"!!

Aliza said...

@Craig-- I think those are petit fours, not butter sticks. Conventional cake wreckage, rather than seasonal wrecks!

Homicidal Ghost Penguins . And love the idea of that as a band name, too!

Santa on a spike... um, Grinch, much?

I agree, @Loo-E, that the gun shack was a missed opportunity for empty shells rather than candies! Surely someone must make candy armoury?

Not sure what possessed them to put that "poo blob" on top of the poinsettia cake. The flowers are bad but at least it wasn't a *total* wreck.

Oh dear, Jospeh's reinfrogs are growing on me...

Yup, I think the candy-cane cake must be a Sandra Lee project. Oh wait, it's a kinda well done wreck, so it's beyond her skill level?

OMG, I just figured out what that last one was-- a tree ornament. Yikes, that's a whole new level of appallingly bad decorating.

Tricia L said...

Usually we can figure out the actual point of a decorated CW cake, but these ... gee, no clue. Cleaning out all the piping bags? Can't throw out old flotsum? Competition for the worst decorated cake in America?

wv: santria
Why, yes, after seeing these cake wrecks, I will have a glass of santria to help me forget them.

Leigh Ann said...

I thought the flattened frogs looked more like band aids. Poor "Jospeh"

Bryna said...

I opened the page and my 3 year old daughter looked at the first cake, lovingly and said, "Look, Ghosts. Penguin ghosts." So, yeah, you are right on the money!!! HA!

Barb said...

I don't suppose you've heard this song (tune is Jingle Bells):

"Little frog, bigger frog, biggest frog by far,
Oh what fun it is to run them over with a car!"

booturtle said...

I can't even imagine why the poo is supposed to even be doing on that one cake. And the poor person with the reinfrog cake is wrong for so many reasons. The cake is awful but giving someone with a December birthday a Christmas themed cake is actually worse. My son's is Christmas day and I'll be slaving to create a bakugan cake without nary a Christmas sprinkle in sight. Oy!

Lissa said...

(To the tune of O Tannenbaum)
Chorus: Oh, Tom the toad. Oh, Tom the toad,
Why did you hop up on the road? (repeat)

You were my friend, but now you're dead
Your back bears mark of tire tread
Chorus

You did not see yon passing car
And now you're stretched out on the tar
Chorus

You hopped up on the yellow line
And now you're just a streak of slime
Chorus

Sally said...

re cake 6: I think the little penguin (complete with santa hat! :D) is trying to break free..

Anonymous said...

who said his name was joseph it could have been jospeh from a foriegn country who really liked frogs.

heartafire said...

stevenash1Jospeh.....wasn't that Jeuss' earthly father....Mray's husband? Or am I mxiing something up?

Anonymous said...

I think Jospeh likes Mr. Hanky the Christmas Poo! :p

Christy said...

These are hilarious.

Sue said...

I guess I don't need to tell you that Joseph's name is spelled wrong. Although some parents doodle when they are trying come up with a name for their child... My apologies to Jospeh if that's your name.
Pete's gun shop = priceless.

pikkewyntjie said...

I would not assume "Jospeh" is a misspelling. I have been a teacher for many years and I have worked with diverse groups and I have gotten to the point that I never question the spelling of a person's name or assume I will get the pronunciation right!

So now we know what happens to bad penguins. They are sent to a Supermax facility made of candy canes. Some are executed for their heinous crimes and are doomed to haunt deformed igloos.

WV: steral
Workin' at the nuculer plant made me steral.

Cloudy said...

"Flower dump" needed no explanation, unfortunately; it was a bit too easy to recognize--TMI indeed.

Anonymous said...

Say what you will about Pistol Pete, at least he got his apostrophes right.

Jenny Allworthy said...

I would totally pay 12.99 for the homicidal ghost penguins!

Anonymous said...

JOIN NOW!

Be a charter member of The Cake Wrecks unOfficial Fan Club: Homicidal Penguin Ghosts!

You'll receive, with your paid membership, a box of reinfrog roadkill chocolates, poinsettia poo (suitable for framing), and Santa's head on a pike!!

But, wait, there's more!

If you act now you'll receive a pearl "star" of David's for decorating your next Angel food cake- make sure to match the icing to your decor!

disclaimer: David doesn't know his star is missing, it's a plastic Santa head due to EPA & Postal regulations and The Cake Wrecks unOfficial Fan Club does not promote homicide unless there's a good reason.

-Barbara Anne

Anonymous said...

I was originally going to comment about how the rein-frog cake said "Jospeh," but I see that... (counts) about 18 (I lost track) people have already mentioned that, so...

Homicidal Ghost Penguin (Eudyptes iamdeadandsoonyouwillbetoo)

Native to shipwrecks off the coast of Antarctica, these phantom penguins hunt down the relatives of the people who killed them, then murder them in their sleep. Their favorite way to disguise themselves is to turn themselves into a cake.

-Greg

P.S.: I agree with Loo-E Loo-I, DO NOT MAKE "JOSPEH" EPCOT 2.0!!!!!

Anonymous said...

Oh wait, forgot 2 mention...

wv was refrogre. Really. I'm serious. How perfect is that? Sounds just like reinfrog! And now...

wv - seardepo. On a Cake Wreck, brown icing can sometimes look like seardepo. *shudders* I got grossed out just writing that.

-Greg

Anonymous said...

The candy canes . . . the candy canes.

Susanna King=awesome.

Donna M. said...

If you look at the pooinsettia cake close enough and squint, you can almost see a face in the top red flower.

Anonymous said...

Didn't want to waste such a great word verification--it is lavash.

I hope my donation can go towards a "lavash" birthday party for a needy kid...
(yes, I looked it up, it means a type of flatbread--but compared to some wrecks, that might be a better cake)

Eve said...

...homicidal ghost penguins.

Homicidal. Ghost. Penguins.

I don't even know where to begin. But let's start with this: What the flipping heck IS that last one?? I see some suggestions that it's an ornament, but... really? REALLY??

Also, I read that kid's name as 'Tospeh' (no, I swear, it's a cursive T!) and gave the writer the benefit of the doubt by figuring little Tospeh was foreign. Is that more or less sad than if it's actually 'Joseph' misspelled? And does it really matter when he has squashed Christmas frogs on his birthday cake?

Mary said...

Is that last one suppossed to be an ornament? good grief.

Anonymous said...

Those are some of the best reindeer skin rugs I've seen on a cake. And all dressed up for the holidays too!

-Care Bear

Arlene said...

I don't know what scared me the most that cake with all the candy canes on it or the run over poop deers. Scary on all counts and hilariously so.

jeliecam said...

After 36 years as an elementary school teacher, I suspect, perhaps, maybe that the "poo" on the flowers is a pine cone, probably. It looks very much like a grade 1 or 2 sculptural attempt. Or, it just might be a grade 4 boy's sculpture of poo.

Anonymous said...

"look's like.." in Pistol Pete's caption? You are a grammar and punctuation genius, but that one slipped by you!

LOVE the blog.

Jennifer said...

When I first saw your post on my Facebook news feed, the icon pic of the "Homicidal Ghost Penguins" looked like a white Admiral Ackbar. Just sayin...

And poor Jospeh! Who really orders squished reindeer frogs on their birthday cake?!? ick!

Jenscakes

Donna Milewski said...

I thought #4 was Mr. Peanut frozen to death. Great post, some of the best wrecks yet!

Heather D. said...

Err... That fourth pic looks more like... Flowers and poo. heh

Anonymous said...

What's up with the lame Castle joke? It's not in danger of being cancelled.

Gale said...

What was that thing on the "Flower Dump" supposed to be, I wonder!

Anonymous said...

love the Pistol Peter's Gun Shop ginger bread house... perhaps my hubby n son will make a house with me now :)

Pauline said...

Why does the poinsetta cake have a lump of poo at the top? I enjoyed it until my eyes got to that bit.
And poor Joseph- wonder how they spelled on Jesus' birthday cake? Better not to ask.

Anonymous said...

If the wreckies can find enough pictures, do you suppose we could have a plastic flotsam cake competition to see who can shove the most crud on a cake?

Tim Beiser said...

@pikkewyntjie -- perhaps you might be right that "Jospeh" is actually not misspelled. I always assumed my great-grandfather's middle name was Lafayette. I recently came across his WWI draft card, and saw that in his own handwriting he spelled it "Layafatte." Some people's parents simply wreckerate their kids' names for them!